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This weekend I'm 110 weeks free from gaming addiction. I had a great rebound this weekend. It's kind of funny because I complained about being single and actually had a virtual date yesterday. It was the best date I've ever been on to be honest. I connected with this woman so well. I didn't want the conversation to end. We had this natural chemistry and I was really gravitated to her words and personality. I really enjoyed her presence. She's also extremely beautiful and I personally am baffled that she'd be interested in talking to me because she's probably a 10 out of 10 and I'm confused.  We have a second video date on Thursday night after work and will message each other before then. It has made me very happy to be honest.

Thanks @DaBest and @Jason70 for the responses. Sometimes things happen and we gotta take advantage of the opportunities we're given even if we just had a bad moment in life because good things happen.

In other news I kind of got disappointed this weekend because I wasn't able to finish a project on Friday and feel behind on my work. I'm gonna try to log into work today and do a few hours to wrap it up. This project just gives me anxiety and I'd like to just get over it. I'm overthinking why I don't want to do the work and not just doing the work in general.

This week I'd like to have a better week at work. I also am getting my exercise equipment delivered this week and most of my drums delivered this week. Things are starting to come together and I'm happy about it.

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I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise.  I'm disappointed.

Today was decent. I woke up late again and made breakfast, went for a 2 hour walk, made food, watched TV, had therapy, had my online date, and then sculpted in Blender for about 2 hours. So far t

Today I'm 1 year free from video games. 52 weeks. I'm not stopping here. I'm also 54 weeks free from social media. I'm not stopping here either. I wanted to write and reflect on my brief journey

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3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

This weekend I'm 110 weeks free from gaming addiction. I had a great rebound this weekend. It's kind of funny because I complained about being single and actually had a virtual date yesterday. It was the best date I've ever been on to be honest. I connected with this woman so well. I didn't want the conversation to end. We had this natural chemistry and I was really gravitated to her words and personality. I really enjoyed her presence. She's also extremely beautiful and I personally am baffled that she'd be interested in talking to me because she's probably a 10 out of 10 and I'm confused.  We have a second video date on Thursday night after work and will message each other before then. It has made me very happy to be honest.

Thanks @DaBest and @Jason70 for the responses. Sometimes things happen and we gotta take advantage of the opportunities we're given even if we just had a bad moment in life because good things happen.

In other news I kind of got disappointed this weekend because I wasn't able to finish a project on Friday and feel behind on my work. I'm gonna try to log into work today and do a few hours to wrap it up. This project just gives me anxiety and I'd like to just get over it. I'm overthinking why I don't want to do the work and not just doing the work in general.

This week I'd like to have a better week at work. I also am getting my exercise equipment delivered this week and most of my drums delivered this week. Things are starting to come together and I'm happy about it.

My man! Get it!

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Congratulations on the 110 weeks of being gaming free! What a huge milestone that is! Also congratulations on the date, that's really good you are connecting. I wish luck for you both. 
 

Seems like you are doing great (besides the work, i hope that improves.) Keep at it bro!

Best 

Jason

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I gotta work late today to get my project done. But I'm determined. 

I'm a little worried about the dating situation. She's still talking to me and said she's excited for our date Thursday, but she uploaded 3 new dating photos to her profile and they're very pretty. It makes me think she's trying to find something better. 

I won't let it phase me. I still use the app and read people. She could have done it for my attention as well. I'm just going to focus on work. 

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On 12/7/2020 at 5:16 PM, BooksandTrees said:

I gotta work late today to get my project done. But I'm determined. 

I'm a little worried about the dating situation. She's still talking to me and said she's excited for our date Thursday, but she uploaded 3 new dating photos to her profile and they're very pretty. It makes me think she's trying to find something better. 

I won't let it phase me. I still use the app and read people. She could have done it for my attention as well. I'm just going to focus on work. 

I am thrilled to see that it is working for you. Keep us updated. That is pretty exciting!

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On 12/7/2020 at 6:16 PM, BooksandTrees said:

 

I gotta work late today to get my project done. But I'm determined. 

I'm a little worried about the dating situation. She's still talking to me and said she's excited for our date Thursday, but she uploaded 3 new dating photos to her profile and they're very pretty. It makes me think she's trying to find something better. 

I won't let it phase me. I still use the app and read people. She could have done it for my attention as well. I'm just going to focus on work.

 

Proud of you! I think it's important to not let our worries get in the way of what's important like work. However, I hope it continues to go good for you! Good luck

 

Jason

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This weekend I'm 111 weeks free from gaming addiction. My friend came over yesterday and we built my workout machine for a few hours. I then went to pick up my drum set and assemble it. I'm really excited to try these out and be more physical after work. I was tired while building the machines yesterday and realize my stamina is not so good. 

The conversation with this girl was been going very well. I'm enjoying getting to know her and talking to her. We have a third date planned for Wednesday night. I'm going to ask if she'd be interested in planning an in-person, quarantined date kind of thing in 2 weeks. Even though that's around Christmas time so she might be seeing family. I'll have to see what makes sense for health safety. You never know who people see on holidays and although she believes in quarantining, her family may not. 

I'm going to try working out 3 days per week with simple full body routines for the next few months. I want to get back in slowly and not pull a muscle or something. I might also order whey protein again, but not yet. I want to see how my schedule goes. I also want to plan some time for drum lessons. I won't overwhelm myself with this. I think it will be smart to do like 1-2 lessons per week and just mess around the rest of the time. I want to learn from my experience of overwhelming myself with 3d modeling.

I get my exam results back this week after 8 long weeks. At least we were told to anticipate results back this week. I'm remaining optimistic and hopeful for a passing score. If I failed then I will know how to study next time and be more prepared. I'd start studying in end of January and go slower. If I pass, it will be a complete dream come true. I will have achieved a great personal and professional goal of mine and have some more time for things I enjoy. It will allow me to grow as a professional in countless ways so I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully it's a passing grade.

I was thinking of doing an hour or two of 3d modeling per week once I start exercising again. It will be nice to have some balance with hobbies. Right now, I just don't feel motivated to sit in front of the computer and animate after working 8-12 hours. I need to move around. 

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On 12/11/2020 at 1:46 PM, Amphibian220 said:

To the extent that you feel it right to share, what qualities in women are you attracted to (apart from the good looks which is true for everyone)?

I am talking in terms of character and way of life mostly.

I look for many things. Some of the key ones are:

  1. Genuine: She honestly cares about who you are, what you have to say, and shows interest. She wants to share stories and moments from her life with you and teach you about herself. She doesn't pretend to be someone she is not. 
  2. Intention: She cares about something and goes after it. Everything she does, whether it's personal or professional goals in life, she does with a purpose and intends to do it well.
  3. Communication: She has the knowledge and courage to be able to share her feelings with me. If something is bothering her, she lets me know in a calm and coordinated way where we can reach a solution together. If we're intimate, she can tell me what she wants me to do to enhance our romance. She asks me what I like during intimacy. She doesn't spam me at work and makes sure to coordinate her schedule with me. I want her to ask me how I'm doing and not just talk about herself. I find it very frustrating when a woman only answers a question and doesn't reciprocate or just genuinely ask me what happened in my day or something. I don't like quiet women. I don't like always carrying a conversation. It gets me very angry because it looks like they don't care about our time together. I don't have time to guess what you're thinking. I want open communication. Introverts can still do this. If you say you're an introvert as an excuse for not communicating you're just lazy, selfish, and don't care about me and I'll defend this statement to the day I die. So fuck off if you disagree (not you, amphibian, just anyone who says they can't ask how you're doing if they think they're an introvert. They're just not trying to be a genuine person.)
  4. Honesty/Loyalty: I combine these because they're hand-in-hand. I don't want someone pretending to be someone and I don't want her to be cheating on me. This also goes in hand with communication. If I'm doing something boring that is causing her to cheat then just tell me instead of being sly. Also, I want that commitment. I don't want a manipulator who will use me to make her own life better all the time. I want her to make my life better as a couple and we both do well. I don't like selfish women.
  5. Passion: They need to have hobbies. It's sexy to see a woman so invested in a hobby like art, sports, music, you name it. When a woman really cares about something you see how much they love it and you want to be a part of that. When I'm with her, I know that if we are intimate together she'll be passionate because she has passions for other things. I find it attractive when a woman is good at something. I admire leadership and talented women. I want to live up to her standards and prove that I'm elite as well and show off for her. I want us both to be confident. Passion is sexy.
  6. Character: No quit attitude. Someone who is not pathetic. Someone who doesn't let people take advantage of them. Someone who is patient and empathetic and understands both sides of the story. Someone who has dealt with adversity in life and doesn't crumble under pressure. Someone who is resilient and believes in the right thing. Someone with good morals and won't corrupt anyone or be corrupt or corrupted. A hopeful, optimistic, yet realistic person who knows when a situation is bad that it is ok and we can get through it. 
  7. Intelligence: I want someone who is a logical thinker. I don't want an aloof person who thinks they're being spontaneous by not having a plan in life. It bothers me. I need emotional intelligence to know how to interact with me and others when we're experiencing a full range of emotions. I need someone who knows how to interact when they are dealing with a full range of emotions. I need sexual intelligence. To understand I'm not super experienced and just being patient and not hurt my feelings. I need physical intelligence where she takes care of her body by eating well, sleeping, exercising, and not doing drugs. Social intelligence. I don't want her being extremely loud in public, being a drunk, trying to be the center of attention at all times, etc. And I'd like her to have that intellectual depth to handle my conversations in life regarding work, love, hobbies, life, etc. And I want her to have those conversations with me. I need full connection there.
  8. Responsibility: Someone who knows to pay bills on time, to save money, to do her work, to help me do housework, bathes normally, eats at normal times, shares my stress load and shares her stress with me equally, accountable for her words and actions in our relationship and in life. If she says something and then goes back on it to get out of being responsible, she's an asshole. I don't want that. I want someone I can be proud of an count on in life.
  9. Humor: She needs to be funny or at least understand my humor. If she doesn't get my jokes then it's not going to work.
  10. Voice: I don't want her to have an extremely loud voice. It bothers me in public. I just want a normal voice level. I also don't want her talking with an upward inflection at the end of every sentence to make it sound like she's asking a question at all times. It really bothers me. Just talk normally. Jesus Christ.
  11. Listener: Listens to others and is not stubborn. I don't mind if they're a leader type, but leaders still have advisers. I want someone who will take my criticism fairly and take my compliments fairly. I would like her to listen to me as much as I listen to her with all good and bad problems in life.
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This is very comprehensive Booksand trees, far more so than I expected. It actually does help me in reflecting on my own relationships with people.

I’d say your concern about SO not expressing her feelings enough is frequently the shortcoming of men in relationships (but it may apply to women too). At least I notice that women tend to express their feelings far more than men. I lack emotional intelligence as a result of the gaming past and need to work in this field, will probably have to research some books.

You mentioned the importance of her having interests and goals in life. This is key, in fact it develops many other aspects of a spouse’s character and makes the relationship much more meaningful.

Your SO by definition is ever faithful to you and the thing that will attract this type of person in your life is you being very focused on moral principles and following the right thing. This is as much as i was able to gather from your post on first reading. Will come back later

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I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise. 

I'm disappointed. 

But I want you all to watch what I'm doing. I'm not going to play hours and hours of video games, watch porn, or anything like that to escape my pain. 

I will sit here and understand my pain to the fullest. This pain I will never forget. Every day when I study for the next exam and don't feel like it I'll remember this pain. How I never want to feel it again. 

This is my fuel. I will not hide from it. I will harness it and face the world again. I am resilient and unwavered. I accept my loss and pain. I'm allowing myself to be sad. Being sad lets me release my negative emotions in a healthy way. Crying is human release. It's important to grieve now so tomorrow I am stronger. 

If you face pain in life just remember to never hide. 

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54 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

But I want you all to watch what I'm doing. I'm not going to play hours and hours of video games, watch porn, or anything like that to escape my pain. 

I think that is a very goof intention, but please be careful! At times, the pain may be too much for your brain/body to manage, even if you might think or feel otherwise. Excessive pain can be traumatizing- I developed a phobia for knives by not treating my wound from the cut properly. If you are having any urges to "escape", don't ignore them completely; when I feel like watching porn, I instead go read a book or a comic. That helps me lower stress without quitting the reality completely. Take care of yourself!

Have you ever read "Untamed"? I suggest you check it out, just for fun 🙂

Po

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22 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

It's important to grieve now so tomorrow I am stronger. 

It sucks that you failed your exam.

I agree that going through the grieving process is both necessary and healthy to live an overall good lifestyle.

I'll add that grieving also means to treat yourself like a precious and fragile object, to coddle yourself for a short time, and to give yourself a break. Extra-work commitments and secondary projects should be reduced because the sooner you process the grief, the sooner you can go back to dominating at 100%. But in order to get there, you'll have to go easy on yourself this holiday season.

Stay away from addictions and bad habits, but reduce your workload too and don't try to do anything more. You have one priority right now and that is to honor the sacred grieving.

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On 12/14/2020 at 4:52 AM, BooksandTrees said:

I look for many things. Some of the key ones are:

How is the conversation going with the woman online? How many of your criteria do you think she fits?

I think that your list makes sense and that everybody wants these things in a woman. I think everybody compromises in some things though, because nobody is flawless and everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. Whether you continue to date a woman ultimately depends on your gut and not on your checklist. She might be great in 3 things, be okay in 6 and be horrible in 2 and you can still roll with her. Remember that a lot of the qualities are double-edged, so if she's overly responsible, she might be unable to relax and you will have to help her with that.

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On 12/15/2020 at 7:57 PM, BooksandTrees said:

I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise. 

I'm disappointed. 

But I want you all to watch what I'm doing. I'm not going to play hours and hours of video games, watch porn, or anything like that to escape my pain. 

I will sit here and understand my pain to the fullest. This pain I will never forget. Every day when I study for the next exam and don't feel like it I'll remember this pain. How I never want to feel it again. 

This is my fuel. I will not hide from it. I will harness it and face the world again. I am resilient and unwavered. I accept my loss and pain. I'm allowing myself to be sad. Being sad lets me release my negative emotions in a healthy way. Crying is human release. It's important to grieve now so tomorrow I am stronger. 

If you face pain in life just remember to never hide. 

I am so sorry.  You worked so hard. It’s ok to grieve and feel all the emotions. 
 

Sending strength friend. 

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On 12/15/2020 at 10:57 PM, BooksandTrees said:

 

I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise. 

 

I am so sorry you failed the exam, that sucks after putting hours of work in. I hope you are able to pass future exams. 
 

I am proud you noted you weren't going to passive consumption to hide the pain. Most gamers would in your situation. Good on you, use the pain to improve and succeed!

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This weekend I hit 112 weeks. I actually had no internet due to a power outage. Sorry for any concern @Bird By Bird but thanks for checking in. I finally got everything restored yesterday.

So I'm on vacation for the next 9 days. I have my 4th video date with this girl tomorrow evening. I'm very excited. She's been quite a discovery for me. She is so intuitive and introspective. She asks me all the right questions and just has this passion in her eyes that is so genuine. She speaks from the heart in a logical way and I just find it so attractive. I really hope this continues to go well.

I built my drum set over the weekend. It is so awesome. It's very quiet actually. You can barely hear it when I have headphones on. I'm going to start taking some video lessons on YouTube and see how that goes. I think I need to start with body positioning and hand grip methods so I am not wasting energy or straining myself. This might actually be good for my posture lol. But honestly, it felt so nice to hit the drums and relieve stress. I didn't make any good music but it just felt nice to zone out and make sounds.

I'm not sure how I want to spend this vacation. I think I want to relax a lot, use my bowflex, play the drums a few times, and maybe get back into some animation projects that I put off. One of the things I'd like to do is be able to practice hobbies and study in the same week and not feel like I need to only study or only have fun. This will be a major test for me.

I did as much cleaning as I could this weekend without power. I still have to vacuum. I'll do that today. But I took time to organize things, build things, and hand clean things. I also want to meal prep a bit. I scheduled a few phone calls with friends and family this week. I decided not to see anyone for Christmas. We must do our part not to transmit this virus. 

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