BooksandTrees

Life is up and down but good overall. That guy at work is still causing havoc and managment won't fire him. But work overall is great bendy I'm leading multiple projects and those projects are going well. I'm getting great reviews from my colleagues and that has been nice. My son is sleeping a bit better. We altered his sleep schedule and it's working. I think my body and mind had to get used to the additional sleep and I think it's restoring other parts of my mind now. I've managed to write a bit and that's been nice. I'm also still on and off stressed with my family but that will never change. I'd like to include more stretching into my day. That's it for random thoughts lol.

Thank you. I've made a lot of progress and I feel better about this than when I was losing weight in 2020. I think I was losing it too fast back then and wasn't eating right. Now it's like a couple pounds a month and that's ok for me.

How was the exam?

Sounds busy in a good way. I'm glad things are getting better from the sleep perspective. I can tell you sleep deprivation is torture. How was the museum? There's a ww2 museum near me I'd like to visit some day.

I feel better overall. I've connected so much with my son over the past few weeks. I have to say that I love him more than anything in this world. It's unreal how strong the bond is. I love him so much that it hurts and that I'd do anything to protect him and keep him safe. I've also never felt so loved and wanted by anyone before. He just leans over to me and raises his hands for me to hold him and I can feel his body melt into me for comfort. It just makes me so emotional. I'm so grateful. I took some time off from work and spent more time with family. I'm also succeeding more at work. It feels like work is my video game now and I want to be as elite and efficient as possible. It's an interesting perspective. I have also lost 15 lbs in the past few months. I'm hoping to lose another 30 in the next year. I went to a dietician and learned a lot. I want to take better care of myself. I hope you're all doing well.

It's frustrating because I want to complain here but in the off chance that it gets read by prope who have no idea I use this site just kills me lol.

Things are going better in general still. I would like to complain about a few things but I don't think this is the right spot to do it. I'll wait til my therapy appointment. I have been eating better this week and sleeping better. This has been really nice. I'm hoping I can keep up this trend and eventually write a little more again. I would also like to build some new legos I got.

I have had a rough start to the week. I had to report one of the project managers in my group for harassing coworkers. He made a few of my friends cry and had tried to belittle me as well. It's tough because I have no fear doing that but I fear the repercussions. My mind gets anxious and I feel like they'll fire me. However, my group leader and region leader supported me and said I'm one of their best employees and they'd never gur me and that legally they can't anyways since I protected coworkers through human resources. I wish I could just logically accept that and feel safe but I can't yet until I get an absurd amount of confirmation that I'm safe. Why is that? Why do I always fear the worst? I'll be talking to my therapist about this for a while tomorrow. I love my company and all my other coworkers. I don't want to lose that. I wrote a bit for the first time in 6 months. I'm starting to come out of my depression a bit. I'm still exhausted beyond belief.

Life is up and down at the moment. Work is great but I'm dealing with one jerk there. But I think there are jerks everywhere so that is life and I just want to handle things in a good way. I only have to talk to him once a week. My baby is teething and going through sleep regression so it's been very difficult to sleep. He's doing well overall though. My doctor told me I need to lose weight again. I stress eat and don't exercise. So I'm gonna try to change that. It's just harder now with a baby. I'm starting to do more each day and worry less. So I'm happy about those developments. Therapy is going well also.

Thank you for your support and sorry I took so long to reply. I hope you're doing well.

I'm sorry I did not reply to this and I will try to find time eventually. I hope you're OK.

Just wanted to say hi and I hope you're doing well. I've been a lot better with family developments. My son is sleeping more and my wife and I are finally sleeping in the same room again. We're still struggling immensely with postpartum depression. It's been hard to think about anything and that's why I haven't really written here. I get so upset thinking about everything. But therapy is helping a lot. He's the absolute joy of my life. I love him so much. He's smiling now and making cute noises. It sounds stupid but I love him so much that I start to cry. It hurts so much that I almost lost him. He's so kind to everyone and full of love. I'm so grateful for him. The depression is hard. I'm finding myself gaining lots of weight, barely bathing, and just struggling to exercise. It's ironic because I give him multiple baths each week, keep everything of his clean and do his laundry etc. I help him exercise and stretch and feed him well. It's showing how hard it is to care for yourself when you're caring for others. I spend each waking moment taking care of him and my wife, or working. I don't have any time to myself. I don't even have time for porn. He requires so much attention and assistance that is just impossible to get more than 15 minutes to relax. So in this instance, I am technically miserable. But not upset. I just feel drained and exhausted. I've come so far. My wife and son have come so far from the disaster that occurred. We're healing and healthy. We're resilient. It's just a little tough balancing life at the moment. It's a lot of highs and lows. Seeing him cry is catastrophic after seeing him get through life in the hospital. I'd give anything for him to feel happy if he cries. I guess any parent does that, but just after months in the hospital I can't help but want to shield him. I think that's what's hurting a lot. All I can do is my best, but what is the limit of my best and when is my best for him becoming a detriment to my family? That is going to be critical to monitor. I can only help people if I'm healthy.

I'm so overwhelmed in life. I'm extremely tired and extremely depressed. I'm praying my son sleeps when we sleep and in his own crib soon. My wife and I are so tired and the sleep shifts are brutal. It's so exhausting only getting 5 hours of sleep each night for months. Work has been tough. I missed my career a lot but there's been so much drama in the company. I think some people are being so difficult and it's gonna lead to them being fired. A lot of people use me as their therapist at work and it mashed me lose so much productivity. It's frustrating. My mother has been so difficult to deal with. It constantly weighs on me that I need to talk to her about a lot of issues. I just don't have time to do it. But she's been so stressful and irritational and unpredictable. My wife and I can't handle more distractions. All of this makes me tired. I'm sprinting from one problem to the next. I have no time to relax or recharge. I can't even sleep. I wake up so exhausted and depressed. I have no time to call family and friends. I miss my wife so much. We spend so much time apart from each other because of the sleep shifts and then working again. I just miss hugging my wife. I miss the way she keeps me warm and loved and safe. I miss the feeling of everything being OK. After her near death experience and our sons, it's must so hard to relax and be happy. We love our son more than anything in the world. We're not complaining. Just the depression, exhaustion, drama, and ptsd from everything is crushing us. I feel like a failure.

Thank you very much. I'm grateful for your support and I hope you're doing well too. I'll be back eventually more longterm. I started work again and just had tons of family drama. Very overwhelmed lol. But it's gonna be ok.

Thank you everyone for the kind words and stories. I appreciate it. Things are getting better. My therapist recommended 6 hour sleep shifts rather than the 4 or 3. It's made a huge difference. I wake up more restored and ready for the day. I don't feel as much brain fog and I'm less depressed. My wife feels the same. I return to work this week. I'm excited to resume my career but I'll miss that time with my family. I'm very grateful to have had that much time off. I'll be working from home so I'll still be with them. My wife quit her job and will raise him for the next couple years before school. We're not going to home school him. We just don't trust daycare providers after hearing so many horror stories. I texted my friends group chat and asked if their experiences with their kids sleeping issues and stuff was similar. I told them I'm struggling and feel like a failure. They all sent very nice messages and called me for a week. That really got me feeling a lot better. I got some great suggestions and care out of it. It really helped to know that other people struggle as well. Not that I want them to struggle, but it's relieving because I constantly worry I'm doing a bad job or something. I'm working with my therapist on my agoraphobia issues. I've been afraid to leave the house and have had panic attacks. I feel better now but I have a lot of work to do. I didn't realize agoraphobia was actually the fear of not being able to escape a situation in public rather than fear of leaving the house. I'm not afraid to leave. I'm just afraid of what could happen. Ever since 2010 I've been afraid of going into public because of fears of mass shooters. College was tough because a lot were happening at schools and I was afraid it could happen. I'm also afraid of throwing up in public after a bad incident when I was 9. So I always try to remain close to home with lots of stomach aids to help me if needed. It will take time. Something for gamers to think about: I've been on this journey for 6 years now and I'm still learning things about myself and why I act certain ways or crave things. So please, if you're frustrated with yourself after however much time you've committed to this, just be patient and thank yourself. It's gonna take time.