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BooksandTrees

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About BooksandTrees

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  1. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I had a good day today with taking my class, writing more of my cartoon, and then cooking 8 meals for myself. The only annoying thing was that I made fish for dinner and I just really hate fish and seafood in general. I don't know why I keep going back to it to try and eat. Restaurants, family, friends, myself and any other method of cooking I just don't like seafood or sushi. I get so much crap for it, but I don't care. At the end of the day you just don't like something. I'm proud of myself for the day, though. On another note, I think it's time for me to quit porn. This is going to include me not doing non-pmo either for about 30-90 days. This is going to be an extreme challenge, but I'm no longer even caring about video games anymore and I just think this is for the best. I know it's an addiction and I know it's harder to quit than video games. I just am getting tired of the "need" to watch.
  2. BooksandTrees

    mattso's late journal

    Keep up the good work. Don't get discouraged if you spend a day or two here or there feeling unproductive. It also takes time to heal your mind from constant gaming usage.
  3. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    Thank you. I agree. It opened my eyes to writing and I really enjoy it now. I just want to take this brief script writing class online so I understand how to write a little better and then it will help me transfer it to Celtx.
  4. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    Thank you! 🙂
  5. BooksandTrees

    Begin again

    Glad you had a good time. What is the event you need to conquer your fear of heights for? How do you like creative writing class? I wanted to take a few of the classes in college, but I was playing video games and was lazy. Now that I'm working full time and graduated I find myself writing for my major hobbies. I was always told by my writing professors that I had a knack for it, but I never cared at the time.
  6. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    Last night I watched a 1 hour video on YouTube which had every single anime intro from Toonami on Cartoon Network. I was hit with a tidal wave of nostalgia. I used to adamantly watch Anime for an hour or two when I got home from school, ate food, relaxed, and had fun. I'd then play sports, draw, build with legos, you name it afterwards (dinner as well). This made me realize how much video games kind of took away from me. Instead of doing all of these activities I would just sit and play RuneScape for 8 hours and the night would vanish. Although time never speeds up or slows down, I feel like video games accelerated my teenage years because all I did was play RuneScape. I didn't go out, work on old hobbies, or enjoy my friends and family. I've touched on this before, but last night was another reminder why I'm on the right path. Finding hobbies has been a challenge, but it reminds me that we work on these hobbies when we want to work on them. Video games made me feel like I NEEDED to play video games at all waking hours. That's not how life or hobbies work. It's worse than a job, it's an addiction. Moving on, my goals for today are simple: Take another online writing class for my cartoon script I'm working on Meal prep 4-8 meals for lunch and dinner this week Practice writing in the software "Celtx" for my script instead of Microsoft Word I think these are all manageable. I feel wonderful after the gym. My muscles feel amazing and I'm already excited for this week.
  7. BooksandTrees

    Journey to a Different Life

    Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I also was heavily addicted to runescape, osrs, and halo. You can find my story in the introduction page if you're interested. You're in the right place so take your time, learn, and be patient. You got this.
  8. BooksandTrees

    Moving on

    Have you seen a doctor yet?
  9. BooksandTrees

    Maintenance of the PhoenixKing

    Good luck at the show!
  10. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    What a successful day. I wanted to say how special going to the gym has been. I've gone each day of the week so far and last night I slept so well. I haven't slept that well in years. I woke up without anxiety or depression. I just fell asleep with that heavy feeling of natural exhaustion, like 10 blankets were on me due to the weight training I went through. With anxiety, you feel like you weigh nothing and go insane. That's why they always say use weighted blankets if you get anxiety at night. I woke up and felt balanced. My mind was clear. I had no racing thoughts. I did not think about people I hated or hating myself. I just lived. I did my tasks. I made breakfast, got to work, worked, got more accomplished in 3 hours than all of last week and this week combined, ate lunch, walked, went to the gym again, worked out hard, went home, cooked, cleaned, relaxed, and read. I also had a moment where I would have panicked and gotten anxiety and freaked out today, but that didn't occur. I recognized when I'd usually panic, but my mind was stolid and still. I felt correct. It was like I took a medicine to feel better. I ate healthy and didn't want to eat junk food because I know how useless it is. @Vera the gym is great. I read you go as well. I think it's been a big help.
  11. BooksandTrees

    Moving on

    Lots of people share your thoughts about romance in life so don't be too hard on yourself. It's one of those spells that takes time to go by until you don't care as much or feel the need to care. You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are and see good things in yourself that you might not even know you had. If you find that person and they don't ask you out, grab them lol. Jk, but you know what I mean. Hope you feel better.
  12. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    Thank you for the responses. I'm noticing how difficult I'm being on myself and it's just so tough to deal with. Even little things im just berating myself for being stupid. It's hard to accept that I'm not being stupid on these difficult things. If I don't be nicer to myself I fear I'm just going to stay miserable.
  13. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I'm trying, but I get in these situations at work where the project I'm doing is so difficult and has a tight budget. So I feel stupid, slow, then pressured because I'm wasting time and money. Then it looks bad on me and I might not get a good review. It's just a heavy guilty conscience and apparently it's for no reason at all. I get this failure feeling and I'd feel ignorant and entitled if I just said oh, I'm struggling, I will just take a breather. It makes me feel selfish for not going 100% all of the time. I understand what you're saying, but I just have a very heavy work ethic and I feel like a slacker if I give myself a break because I'm not putting the company first when they're paying me. I'd be putting myself first and I struggle with that.
  14. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I got pissed that I was being an asshole and I worked on my cartoon for an hour. It felt great to put things aside and be productive. Journalism made this possible because everything I wrote above was swirling in my head like a toilet full of shit. I'm now going to organize my work and set my alarm early for tomorrow to get something started with that before I go to work.
  15. BooksandTrees

    Maintenance of the PhoenixKing

    Keep pacing yourself and find your balance with side hobbies, passion projects, and the income from work. It seems like you're slowly finding the right path.
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