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NEW PODCAST: Dealing with Gaming Nostalgia


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About BooksandTrees

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  1. Today was good. I woke up early, got everything I needed completed, exercised, showered, ate well, spent time with friends on video chat, and relaxed. I was going to try and do animation, but it's 1 hour before bed. Not the time to brainstorm. I think tomorrow I'll be able to animate after work for an hour and I give myself permission to not finish it. I can just get part of the way through. 3 days no porn. Starting to get minor cravings.
  2. Man you need your own apartment. Living at home made me want to commit suicide. I really appreciate the independence. I know times are tough and your situation is different. I'd just say, and I think you know this, the longterm goal should be your own place after you finish college etc. Until then just do your best to get back on track. Maybe count your calories and just go for walks or something. Vent anger through pushups? Idk. I wish you the best. At least the hobby is starting to blossom with you.
  3. That's great. I'm hoping to do the same one day. Maybe this streak. Dating app advice: Note: This advice works for me. I don't want to hear how I'm wrong or an asshole. I get matches every time I join an app. I just hate reading through profiles because I think people write cliche, generic bull shit and it angers me so I don't care for it. What do you want?: You gotta start figuring out what you're interested in with a prospective partner. Are you looking for hookups or a relationship? What do you want her to do with you? What do you want to do with her? These are important questions. If you want her to exercise with you, write how exercise and fitness is important to you and post a picture or share a brief specific like riding bikes, lifting, etc. Do you want her to know you watch anime? Tread lightly on that one and don't make it a huge thing. Do not, under any circumstances, show that you're a weeb. It scares people away. (i know you're not a weeb, but you do like anime. So you have to slowly tell someone you like it. Can't just throw it out there due to stereotype battles you'll face.) Art, church, exercise, building, farming, etc. List your interests so they can find commonalities with you. Photos: I think there's a few things for dating apps. The first thing is making sure you're not conveying a poor tone about your personality with your photos. There's a website called photofeeler.com that lets you upload photos to see what people think about them. It's anonymous. You vote on other's photos as well. I see a lot of guys doing these serious faces that make them look angry or edgy. I think your first photo needs to be a candid smile or at least smiling with your eyes. It should be from the chest up. Women like photos where you're facing them, not turning away. You also need good lighting. Most people have poor lighting or show themselves not straight on. Never post a picture of yourself looking down at the camera. It makes you appear condescending. Be equal level with the camera to show you're an equal person. If you show yourself below the camera then you look like a simp or a child. There's this thing out there where men are more attracted to women's photos at an angle and women are more attracted to men straight on and not turned away or looking away. It's like the phrase "Men want what they can't have" and "Women want your undivided attention". The next photos need to be a combination of: you in a social situation where you're the center of attention. If you're in a group of 3 guys never be the guy on the left or right. a full body shot with clothes either at an event or just in general (not you against a wall in your bedroom) You doing a hobby without looking at the camera You in fancier clothes either at an event, religious event, business thing, etc. Something with a nice background that's a combination of these or maybe a sporting event or a concert I'd avoid any photos that could possibly lead you to being sad. All humans are sad and want to be understood. Women don't want a guy with tons of problems. They understand all men and women have problems, but they are attracted to men who know how to solve their problems or are working on them. They don't tell everyone their problems all the time and are helpless. Helpless is not sexy or inspiring. Bio: Your bio depends. Some apps like bumble or tinder only allow like 120 characters or something. If it's short and sweet like that then you gotta be flirty and enticing. It's like the first line of a book. If the hook sucks then you're not going to read the book. Grab their attention. Don't post anything about politics. It's too stressful. You want to be comfortable, but enticing so the woman wants to come out of her comfort zone and get to know you. But not so crazy that you scare them off. Too comfortable is boring. Gotta find a balance. Swiping: Don't just get pissed off and swipe every woman you see on the app to see if you get a hit. Dating in real life takes forever and that is the same with apps. Just because you're on an app doesn't mean you're going to find someone instantly. That's the instant gratification factor going off so you can't give in to that. Take your time, read her profile, see if it's a fit. Don't be desperate and never settle. She's going to want you to know about her and be genuinely interested. Women get mass swiped all day. Any person, man or woman, who they swipe on will be a match. If they matched with you they have a legitimate interest in you because they read your profile. Return the favor and be patient. Never swipe a girl who only shows her face unless you're comfortable with and looking to date heavier women. Only message if they show their body. It shows insecurity on their end. If they're fat they need to own it and show it. Never swipe a girl who has tons of those stupid filters like dog face, halo angel, cat face, rainbow face, etc. It means they're extremely unintelligent and unoriginal. Yes, call me an asshole for this and the face post, but you need to read your person. They're either clueless in person or clueless about dating. Both are a waste of your time. Messaging: Know your situation and know your match. If you're posting sultry photos of yourself and your profile is mostly sexual, most women are going to swipe on you for a hookup and expect you to send flirty/sexy messages. If you say "hey" they're gonna be surprised and angry. If you're posting a genuine profile and your bio is kind of funny and your photos show you're kind of funny, send a charming/flirty message with a joke maybe. If it's an honest profile where it's focused around kindness then compliment them and ask a follow up question. Send a message that's not stupid. "Hey gurl, damn ur hot". Pure cancer. You can't over think it either. Just be normal. Point out something in their photo that you like and relate to it. "Wow, I can't believe you went to Egypt! Are you looking for a cute travel companion for your next trip?" That sounds corny, but some girls like that. But if you hate traveling then that's a bad message and you shouldn't match with her because she's going to want to travel and you won't. Some girls prefer you just to say hi to them and be as casual as possible. Talking about hobbies, tv shows, other shit. Since you're religious, I would suggest Match for your dating platform. Most of the women I saw on there wrote about how God was very important to them. I didn't see any religious postings on bumble, tinder, or hinge to be honest. Don't message forever. You want to try and meet with them within 1-2 weeks and you want to start texting them within 1 week off of the platform so it's just on your phone. If you don't meet her in person within 1 week then you need to have a phone call with her and see how it goes. You can learn a lot from a phone call. And you don't have to make it last 6 hours unless it's going that way. Never force it or throw dumb conversations out there if it's already around 1 hour. If it's 5-10 minutes in and you guys hit a dead spot then try it. If it's still bad after 30 minutes hang up and move on. You're not a match. Don't be a fool and pay for instant swipes or super swipes or getting your profile out there.
  4. Today is my 3rd day away from porn and waking up early. I feel generally better. My problem solving skills have drastically improved during my short time away from porn and getting sleep. I'm still massively struggling to be motivated to work on my project at work. I'm working on it, but it has changed so much that I just feel like any progress I make is useless. That's lowering my interest completely and I just want it over with. This project has been the reason I've been watching so much porn over the past 2 weeks. I use it as a distraction. I'm trying to just do pushups followed by deep breathing and stepping outside to calm down from stress. I can't daydream or let my mind drift because I'll talk myself out of being productive. I've been convincing myself that the sooner my day ends then I can do fun stuff. I don't want to rush the project because there's going to always be more stuff to do. What I can do is just complete my day and turn off work because it's not my life. Doing hobbies is tough and that's why people struggle with them. As we grow older we take for granted the time it took to learn simple things. I'm brilliant with math now, but I struggled for decades. If I lower my expectations and continue to just do a few minutes per day with hobbies I enjoy then I'll be in a good position in a few months to a year. I don't need an accountability partner, but I think I've been a motivating force with quitting gaming. I'm over 1.5 years and I think some people find that inspiring. I know others are struggling with porn. I think as a leader here I would like to be inspirational with quitting porn as well. Maybe we can work together and create some momentum. I know I get inspired by others.
  5. Just be careful with the esports. A lot of people on here end up relapsing from watching streams and videos. But not all. I know some people who aren't triggered by it. As long as you can feel the separation then that's all that matters. Is meditation paying off? When do you do it?
  6. Ah, but there lies the answer. Nobody is worth driving 2 to 3 hours round trip. I'd rather watch porn and be alone.
  7. I want to reiterate I'm not struggling with women. I just don't like the formats that are popular with meeting women. I am great in conversation and doing activities with. I get dates through dating apps whenever I use the apps and I've gotten dates from meeting women at social events like beer tastings, festivals, e.t.c. What I'm complaining about is the lack of originality in women's profiles online that make me angry. I hate seeing cliche things and it sours my mood when reading their profile or seeing the same photos. I am also complaining about going into the city. I don't like driving 1 hour to the city to meet a girl who lives there. It's a waste of time, stressful to find parking, I hate the subway and trains, and it's expensive. The last issue was that I'm worried I'm going to try to date to satisfy my porn addiction vs dating to find love. When I used to be on the nofap forums people would just date women to satisfy their urges and not be with their woman or man for love. I don't want to do that. Thank you for the suggestions though.
  8. This has been my Achilles heel. I think I'm getting better with it through building confidence with newer hobbies. This is probably the largest component to our success in all honesty. It unlocks more doors for us and promotes self respect and patience.
  9. I think this is a good post and very advantageous. I'll echo the same advice you gave about being too hard on myself back to you. Sometimes being afraid and almost falling reminds us of the path we're on. The 1 night stand was like real life porn and not safe because you were unprotected. That scared you into getting a better sense of the situation. That's a good learning experience for you. That same method is what Peterson mentions with imagining the negative and staying on porn. Simulating life on your current trajectory. Probably no girlfriend, continued generalized depression and anxiety, frustration with yourself, humility, shame, going nowhere. Sometimes you gotta see rock bottom and other times you need to hit rock bottom.
  10. Thanks. I think we used to stretch ourselves so thin when gaming. Everyone talks about brain fog and exhaustion. I think it's because it's not healthy to work 8 to 10 hours then game for 6 to 10 hours. It just sucks because I want to have the energy for 3d modeling and don't.
  11. Today was a buffer day. In all honesty I binged TV and porn all weekend aside from making that model. I went to work on the model some more and psyched myself out of it. I researched how to animate it and just got anxiety, then depressed. It was like I was fighting ther excitement to animate with anger and hesitation. That caused depression. I tried to watch porn to feel better and slept for 3 hours after. I got only 3 hours of sleep last night because my mind was going haywire from too much sleep and too much mindless activity. I felt sick all day because of it. I took a nap and laid in the sun for 2 hours after. I'm burnt out. Thinking is exhausting me. I've got nothing mindless to enjoy. I really enjoyed sitting in the sun today. I don't relax to enjoy simple things and turn stuff into tasks. My project at work has burned me out because of how it keeps changing and the level of effort required to redo the work after a change. So although I enjoy 3d modeling, sometimes I just only have the mental energy to do 2 hours of modeling a week. And maybe that's enough for a hobby in all seriousness. Maybe hobbies don't need to take up 6 hours of my day like gaming.
  12. I'm not really nervous talking to women. I think I'm good at it. I just don't have the places to do it I feel. But I agree with the point. Thanks
  13. Thanks guys. I know you're right @Alexanderle and @Amphibian220. The issue for replacing porn like gaming in the past is video games were never a sexual outlet. I do need love, affection, and partnership with a woman. I just don't think online dating is going to give this to me. I read their bios and I start to hate everyone on the website. It sickens me how geared towards women every site is and how I have a much better shot at someone in real life. My only option is finding someone in real life and I just don't get out enough to do it. I don't really like the city and for some reason every young adult lives in the fucking city. Idiots spending all their money on triple the rent I pay and eating out each night. They have no savings account at 35+. I want a smarter woman than that. Someone who doesn't want to go out all the time and need to be on the city. I instantly get labeled as boring for not wanting to live in the city. There's more to do than hitting up bars and clubs and taking group photos with your fake friends and using the same pose in every photo. I also agree with the energy release @Amphibian220 said. I do need a little more exercise. I think exercise and my original sleep schedule would do wonders for me. I agree with @Ikar about the value of the relationship if both people are in it for the right reasons. I've never experienced it so I'm a very jaded person regarding relationships, but I'll try. I need to change my mindset. Even in the second paragraph I wrote you can tell how much hatred I have built up towards modern people my age. I haven't met anyone who shares my interests. It's terrible.
  14. I'm a little pissed off tonight. I've been watching porn almost every day and sometimes 3 times per day. It's not that I'm bored. It's just that my body is trained to do it. A big instance of this is whenever I'm tired I watch porn and then go to bed. So whenever I get tired dring the day I get a craving for porn. It's frustrating. I end up feeling tired and lethargic all day. I just don't know how to masturbate in a healthy way. Porn is clearly bad for me and I'm struggling with it. The only issue is if I go like 10 days without porn or masturbation I get all tense and filled with energy and can't release. Working out doesn't do the trick. Sometimes yelling does. I basically masturbate to take the edge off. But it leaves me lethargic all day. Today I was researching something, got tired, got triggered, watched porn, slept for 2.5 hours, then watched YouTube for almost 2 hours even though I didn't want to do it. I don't understand how to just masturbate once a week or once every two weeks. It's either on or off for me. I'm afraid for when I'm in a relationship. Am I only going to want to have sex? That's a strong part of the honeymoon period where you have the most sex for 6-8 months if it lasts that long, but I'm just worried that's all I'll see. I want her to be my friend and do things with her. Support her and just enjoy her as a person. I'm worried that my mind will be in the gutter.
  15. I'm struggling with nofap big time. I got long streaks without it and then i just watch porn every day. It's exhausting.
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