BooksandTrees

Hey I've been doing well! Hope you're doing well, man. Been a while! I actually did that as a hobby, but 3 people joined who I dislike and I haven't been in weeks.

One of the frustrating experiences I've had while quitting games is how expensive it has been for me. Some gamers buy multiple games and that becomes expensive, but I only paid $5 per month for RuneScape and $60 per year for xbox live when I gamed. That was all of my entertainment cost and I was fine. I'd also eat less because I was so addicted that I never ate food and got sick from it. My new hobbies are expensive. Rock climbing is $120/month, eating out with friends can cost up to $400/month since everyone just wants to eat out, concerts are anywhere from $12 to $150 each, movies are $15 per ticket, vacation is expensive, yoga is $15 per class, and my gym memberships is $20/month. I don't really seem to find cheaper hobbies that enjoyable. I like the 3D modeling idea and making funny videos (software subscription is $35/month). I also like making my own website (hosting fees are $10/month). The issue with these hobbies is they are lonely hobbies. I only seem to enjoy activities and hobbies I can do with others in a group or in a game setting. I'm making money at work to cover these costs. The issue is I'm tired of spending this much right now. I want to save more money. This year has just been stressful because I was in so many weddings and people can't seem to fucking have a wedding close to you. You gotta pay hundreds for travel, give them a gift of a few hundred dollars, rent a suit (suits have been more expensive than the bridesmaids gowns for all of my weddings as well funny enough), then dance to the same songs with people you hate seeing and eat crappy mass-catered food that isn't special. Plus, I've been dating a bit and as the male you're expected to pay for every fucking meal and activity. I get offers to help pay from my date, but in the instances where I've taken her offer to split the check, she later criticizes me when I break things off with her lol. "I can't believe you had me split a meal!" Heard this from two women I dated this year. So I haven't been able to really win. I need to do a better job next year regarding spending. I'm going to decline every wedding party I am invited to join, I'm going to stop eating out more than once per week tops, I'm going to cook all of the food I buy and not let it spoil due to laziness to cook after defrosting it, I'm going to cancel the gym membership I don't use (I have a free one in my apartment), and I'm going to find less expensive alternatives for activities with my friends. Some of my friends just want to bounce around different restaurants to talk so they can drink beer and coffee. I think I'm just gonna brew coffee and have them bring beer if they want a beer. Life doesn't need to be this expensive. My main gripe for costs is I want to own a house one day and at this rate I won't own one for another 5-10 years. I'd like to be ready in the next 3 years because the housing market is going to crash in the United States and I'd like to be able to take advantage and buy something at an affordable price. The market is very high right now and has remained this high for 1-2 years. It's going to drop at some point. (I'm not here to discuss politics or marketing. I'm not going to talk to you about it. These are just my thoughts through research.) The twist to this goal is that buying a house might be a bad idea unless I have a fiance or wife who wants to live in it with me. Living alone could add to the loneliness I've felt. I enjoy my current apartment so I'm fine for a few years here. I always have a 5 year plan in mind though.

I'll try to find it, but it will take some digging. I have almost 25 pages of posts lol. I've just found friends from hobbies like Rick climbing, board games, and work to be more dynamic, empathetic, and wholesome than people I've met online. It irks me how I could spend 6 to 18 hours a day talking to people and right when I quit it's like they never knew me. It's such a hollow feeling. I deserve better than that. We all do.

Thanks guys. I think I'm just a little worn out after a busy stretch at work with that tough assignment and dealing with 2 bad coworkers. But I was lauded as a hero for saving the project by all my managers and coworkers. I take great pride in that. I'd like to do something this weekend to celebrate 1 year without gaming and recharge a bit. I'll find someone eventually.

So how did you manage to get back into gaming while you were away? Have you done some introspection to see how and why it happened? I don't mean to be rude. Just checking. It's a good learning experience.

Thank you as well for sharing and the kind words. It's a good community here! We're in a good place. I'll follow along for sure.

Sorry to hear about your brain injury and the affair. I can't imagine what that is like to go through. But I know it is proof that you are strong enough to quit gaming. You mentioned mindfulness earlier. I had an issue when quitting video games where I'd try using only willpower, hate, and anger to stay away. I'd hate the video game community, their memes, lifestyle, and myself due to regret of not living a better life and shame of being a failure in my eyes. This lead to anxiety and anger pulled me out of it. It also made me very sick. Mindfulness and therapy helped me release my hate and anger. I learned how to recognize my emotions and then change my thoughts. This lead me to investigate why I felt shame and regret instead of using anger to avoid those feelings. I then understood why I played video games as a form of escapism and a safe place to socialize. I realized what I was missing in my life and also why I needed it. Therapy allowed me to be a detective and interrogate myself for answers and understanding how I made decisions. This all played into more mindfulness. I could now understand my thoughts, calm my emotions, reduce stress and anxiety, and also appreciate my achievements in life. Most importantly, I gave myself the ability to be in the moment: right here, right now. Anxiety doesn't let you do that. It takes time. Good luck on your adventure. This Saturday will be a year without gaming for me. If I can do it then so can you. We all can.

Something that helped with morning issues for me was realizing I felt depressed and less motivated to do activities during the day if I masturbated or watched porn in the mornings. It's different than having sex with a lover in the morning because they're real and your body releases certain chemicals during it, but when you're alone it just acts differently and it makes me lethargic and uninterested. I got upset about this and stopped. I hate hurting my own feelings.

I read your diary. I was also severely addicted to Runescape and owned two clans. One clan I owned was from 2007 to 2011 during my late teens and one I owned from 2016 to 2018 in my mid to late 20s. Each clan had people in my age group and I didn't feel alone. I wrote a few big diary entries over the year about how these people are not actually your friends. I miss the discord voice sessions and talking to people, but once you voice your displeasure in gaming you will lose them all. My therapist compared them to alcoholics at a bar trying to get you to drink with them. It took me years to understand why I was addicted to runescape. I always thought I was an introvert and stayed online most days. The issue was all I did online was try to make friends and talk to people. My life outside runescape was terrible. If I actually played the game for exp I would be so far past a max account both in rs2 and old school rs. I'd play castle wars and then clan wars for hours. I wanted friends so badly. I now have many friends from college, work, and hobbies to keep me away from gaming and it has helped. As for female posters on this website I would suggest talking to silverlining, vera, lea, and Catherine among others that I've followed over the past year. There are more. I just know them the best if you're looking for that perspective as well. If you have any questions feel free. Welcome to the forums.

Thank you for writing this. That's very true about perspective. Sometimes I feel fortunate to be alone in certain situations or I'm glad that I'm emotionally secure enough to not date someone terrible for the sake of not being alone. It's definitely a test of will to avoid bad relationships. There are women who have entered my life and I know right away that they're not going to open my heart up or sing the tune of life I'm hoping to sing. This kind of dreaming might have me looking for someone impossible to find and I'm fine with that because I know when I find her I'll cherish every second with her.

Tonight I face some loneliness. I haven't rock climbed in a bit. I worked late this weekend but I also saw friends and family on the days I didn't work. I watched hockey and enjoyed it. I'm just a little lonely is all. I may have mentioned this in the past, but my way of thinking has shifted from trying to leave my mark doing something incredible to be idolized by to trying to live a wholesome life. I want a hug when I come home. I want to fall in love and see a new world in my lover's eyes whenever I look into them. I want to hold someone and understand what unconditional, cherished love means. As close as I am with my parents now I just can't look at them with happiness anymore. It's tough for me to sit across from either of them and look them in the eyes. I love both of them and I also hold a lot of memories of them hurting me. I've forgiven them and no longer hold visceral hatred towards them. There's just something in my heart that pulls away from them when I'm with them. My soul is almost detached because of what I've experienced with them. It's a whole other life and I'll never allow myself to trust them at such a deep level again. That's what hurts. That's why I'm empty most days. I wish I could find someone who I just can't live without and love them so much. I'm not looking for them to save me. I just want to experience the journey of love and happiness. Overall, I'm happy. I'm in a wonderful place in life. Sometimes I see documentaries of people doing things and the first person they celebrate with is their wife. I long for that and hope I can find someone who could ever love me that way in return.

Enjoy this moment. Be mindful of the clarity in your mind with less brain fog. This is something that will get better over time and you'll appreciate the journey you're on. It's nice not having a "Pull" in your head to play games because you're craving it. It's nice to have no brain fog from exhaustion after gaming.

I agree with everything you said. I just felt like there was something missing and I can't tell what it was. I'm having a difficult time putting it together. I think he was the best live joker I've seen. He was true to the comic. I was kind of disturbed by the murders even though that's what he does in the comics as well. I just felt like the plot was missing something.

I'm still not there yet. Sometimes I do every 2 weeks. 3 years though and no regrets. You got this.

I see a therapist every Tuesday and have done so for almost 3 years. It's saved my life. I was afraid of how severe my depression was and after 2 coworkers at my old company commit suicide I needed a therapist. It took a year and a half for me to tell him how much video games were crippling my life. It took that long because I didn't know gaming was the problem. Therapy, this game quitters community, and my patience has gotten me almost a year without gaming so far. I highly recommend therapy to anyone even if it's for a little bit.