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About BooksandTrees

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  1. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I don't think I have any real friends and feel really lonely in life. Really bothers me. Most people only talk to their girlfriends and when they're single they talk to me. If my friend is a girl their boyfriend won't like me after a while because we're close. My guy friends don't like when I talk to their girlfriends. People are so insecure and selfish. Fucking bothers me.
  2. BooksandTrees

    Every day is a new day

    I'm gonna talk to my therapist for it since it's bothering me so much. I've talked to him, but I don't think I've told him how serious the issue is for me. It's like plugging all the holes in a sinking ship and the fewer the holes the higher the pressure is in each one. We funnel all our stress into one and I think we focus so much on plugging the holes instead of bailing all the water out of the ship that we never learn how to deal with the water, or in this case stress, in the first place. If we learn to prevent and deal with stress better then we won't have to frantically funnel it out. An issue I'm having is every new method of dealing with stress is adding more stress. Instead of trusting a gym routine and slowly learning, I try to learn too much at first and make it perfect when there really is no perfect diet or routine. Instead of drawing or writing something funny I just try to craft a format for me to make money off of it and that stresses me out because I want to make money out of something that doesn't exist instead of making something, enjoying the process, destressing, discovering myself without playing games or watching porn, and being naturally healthy. It drives me nuts and I can't calm down so I explode with bad habits. I've almost relapsed several times this month with games and it's because I feel like I'm an unstable core with nowhere to funnel the steam and reactions until I explode. Sorry for the rant, but I'm guessing I'm not alone with my rant. I meet with my doctor today and will share what I learn.
  3. BooksandTrees

    Every day is a new day

    I think when we quit gaming our other bad habits become stronger. Mine is porn and will probably be eating after that. I think it's just learning about ourselves and teaching us newer things through practice and healing
  4. BooksandTrees

    60,000 hours of my life, wasted.

    Welcome to the healing process. It's going to be difficult. Feel free to read through some of our stories as well. Mine might be on like page 2 or something called My Gaming Addiction Story.
  5. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I'd like that. I'm signing up for a stand up comedy class, learning to produce content, and I'm creating a cartoon. I tried a hockey podcast but didn't enjoy it as much as I thought.
  6. BooksandTrees

    Every day is a new day

    Nice job! It's strange quitting something again after you've quit before. It makes you feel uncertain and after 2 years go by you might get a nervous feeling about going into uncharted territory, but I guess that's why we're here. I quit for a few years before and it's unbelievable hote fast your memory returns to the days of playing nonstop. I can return to gaming after years and get addicted to it immediately. It's such a struggle. It makes me sad sometimes, but proud other times. I think you'll do well and am glad you'll stay. The community likes you and appreciates your effort, contributions, and vulnerability.
  7. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    It makes sense. I really miss being semi famous in my community and getting the attention. It sucks when I'm lonely or want to feel better about myself.
  8. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    That's basically it. I was the best player in the world at my role for several years and am still on YouTube, etc. It's really tough.
  9. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I'm also trying another method of what I mentioned last week with wanting to do stuff vs needing to do stuff. Once I get agitated at work and feeling like I'd rather do something else I write a small list of up to 5 hours of stuff to fill my day when I get home. I noticed I get an eruption of energy at work with stuff I want to do and I don't do it because I forget and watch tv or read the internet. This way I'll remind myself how I want to read, write, etc.
  10. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I know. I feel like I just miss the community aspect of video games, but I know none of them are really my friends. I don't think my friends really ask me to hang out as much and it lets me down. I need to be in a social setting sometimes and video games made me feel like a king.
  11. BooksandTrees

    What's the difference between...

    What's the difference between watching 10 hours of sports and playing 10 hours of video games? I love hockey and my team plays 3 to 4 games per week. Those are 3 hours each. I played 8 to 12 hours of video games per week before feeling the desire to play more. I probably answered my own question here. I can't control how often my favorite team plays, but I can keep playing games. Both are isolating to me.
  12. BooksandTrees

    Fawn_xoxo daily; thoughts, goals & evaluation

    I'd keep writing a diary of some sort. I think you have a decent support team here that you can bounce ideas off of even if it's not gaming related. Most of the people on here are now struggling with similar emotions that you are struggling with and you can grow with them. Sometimes I'll randomly have intense struggles with gaming and just need to come here for help. You never know.
  13. BooksandTrees

    Maintenance of the PhoenixKing

    What do you do on your podcast? Is it a game that you play and record? I'd definitely go grocery shopping at a huge store if you have those. I spend 50.00 a week and it works. I agree with the colleague returning statement. I hate my career, but love my coworkers. So it's just nice to see people you like.
  14. BooksandTrees

    Daily Journal - Samon

    What kind of sport do you want to play? What's making you want to play it?
  15. BooksandTrees

    Dear Diary...

    I'm struggling today with wanting to play games. I got depressed with work today and just been miserable. It's strange because last night I went to the gym and started my workouts and enjoyed it. I'm glad to be back at the gym. I'm eating healthy, I'm making plans to see friends on weekends or during the week, I'm working on my hobbies again and trying to get my life more well rounded. I've been easier on myself and done really well with my anger management. It's just the lingering thoughts about gaming and stuff. I miss gaming, anime, etc. I want to find a girlfriend, but I'm working on it. I'm honestly just working on everything and having my time well. I'm scheduling things, getting a routine sleep schedule to the point where I'm waking up at 615 without an alarm for 2 weeks straight. I have vacation booked and looking forward to it. I still want to play.