Jump to content


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

231 Excellent

1 Follower

About Icandothis

  • Rank

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. Hi, I am catching up on your thread. How is your SO doing? It’s extremely brave of her to come to you with these feelings and it shows the trust she has with you. One thing that is helpful is a safety plan. When these overwhelming feelings come up, is there a safe place she can go to. Who can she call? Is there a sensory item she can have, a stress ball, lavender oil, blanket... that can ground her in her body. Maybe just give her one of these items as a present. Also, from a women’s perspective, our hormones have a lot to do with suicidal feelings. Please be sensitive to this. It may be especially hard during winter season or certain times of the month. I hope this is helpful. Talk soon my friend.
  2. Hi my friends, I have been finding more joy in my life. Over the past couple of days, I realized how angry I was. And I have every right to be angry, but I am sorta trying to let that go. I know a lot of us on here are going thru changes and experiencing anxiety. One thing that I have found that works.... that really works for me... is epsom salt bath. It’s pretty inexpensive but it relaxes my whole body. Please try one... and see if it works for you too!! Ok so change is just crappy. Doing something new.... anything new.... I have to fight my egoic brain. People will laugh at me, people will think I am stupid, too old, too messed up. The fear is so real. When I feel that way, I think to a yoga class a couple years ago. Every yogi in there was super advanced in asana. I was trying a forearm balance I could not get. The teacher stopped the class and had everyone look at me.... I was so embarrassed. She told me to go upside down.... in a room of 50 people... and I was just dying on the inside. But I focused on my breath, listened to her instructions, and was able to halfway do the pose. When I came down, everyone started clapping for me. It was such a loving, supportive and nurturing environment. When I am facing new challenges, I just remember the room, the support, the love I felt there..and hold onto that. Hold onto my breath, hold onto love, love God. My daily reminder, and I create this new life.
  3. Hi! That’s ok on the meditation. Just start again today. 🙂 Look you’re already on day 61 of no gaming! That’s pretty awesome. Yes, I agree, a hobby that allows you to express your emotions would be wonderful. I have a simple drawing book and some pastels. Take care my friend.
  4. Hi my friend.... So sorry you are going thru this. I would really find things you enjoy doing and do that as often as possible. Make your own 3D creations. Read books you really love. Maybe find a recipe book with amazing pictures for inspiration. We have to have some joy in our lives. A Dharma, a purpose. Or else everything just becomes monotonous. What motivates you, or drives you when you wake up? You are doing so great, I really think you are just too hard on yourself. I hope this helps. Sending hugs and energy and hope my friend. Talk soon.
  5. Lack of love Lack of life My life sucks and I was going to come on here and write a huge post about how everything is horrible. Then I found out Kobe Bryant died. He had everything, but his time here on earth was cut extremely short. Sending prayers to his family. So what do I do? I still have breath in my lungs and I am here for a reason. Even though everything looks dark, I will continue to love God and love others the best I can. I have 3 beautiful children to love and share joy with. I have a peace that passes understanding. One moment at a time. Love God. Love others. Just keep breathing and hoping and praying and loving. Thank you for listening.
  6. Thank you my friends. My story, especially related to my partner, is full of so many twists and turns. Over the years so many people have given me different advice: stay for the kids, or I would have left years ago, or work on your reaction to his behavior, or I would never have dated a man like that, or he is a good person who made one mistake. Everyone has their own life experiences and perspectives as do I. It has taken me a long time to figure out what my truth is. The reality of the situation sucks tho. From past experiences, I know that once we separate he will never see the kids. By his own choice. I don’t know what kind of man would not want to see his own children. The more I look at his behavior, the more I realize how sick he is. Also, I will be receiving no financial help from him. His extremely wealthy family is supporting us now, and once we are separated they have no legal obligation to support us anymore. It is extremely frustrating to have my hands tied, and even though I have job offers, I cannot move forward without child care. Maybe it is to teach me a lesson of empathy for the many others who do not have self agency in their lives. Doing my best to focus on what I can control, finding joy in the present moment, and being thankful for everything I do have. I made some roasted beet bisque soup that is warming my soul. Thank you for listening.
  7. On community. I was not able to stay off Instagram. It is so very obvious my need for community and real relationships. I made myself a promise back in my journal that I would commit to doing in shala yoga practice 1x per week. That has not happened. Looking back on the times that I have felt most connected and loved, I had several points of connection. In Texas, I had my school friends, neighbors, church, yoga, swimming, gymnastics. Here in the PNW, I have neighbors and school friends... but I have not been able to resonate with the other spaces I have been to. Or they are too far away. The shala I visited the other day is quite far.... so I don’t think that’s feasible to build community there. As soon as this whole income thing sorts itself out, having a community will be a top priority for where we move to. Also, I have been thinking about something a friend said to me. She said that I should give my partner another chance. I try to give people grace as they do not know the whole story. He has left me twice, cheated on me and basically checked out of the whole relationship. I took him back because I thought the kids would be happier having their dad.... but he is so resentful and unhappy towards me that it’s creates a really unhealthy environment. Comments like this really trigger me. Maybe because I want to blame him for everything. Doing my best to accept my part in this as well. All I can say, is that when he came back I did my part to invest in him physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And he did nothing to invest in me. My therapist said it best, “ It doesn’t have to be 50/50, but he’s gotta put some effort into the relationship”. Again, I am not sure why I am so defensive around this.... looking into this. After looking at this... I am so very aware that my thoughts are everywhere and I need to pray and meditate more. Grrrr. Thank you for being here and have a beautiful day!!!!
  8. This feeling.... it’s what growth feels like. Do my best to keep my heart open through it all. The one thing I am waiting on is daycare for my little one. I can’t work until I have care. The waiting list are all extremely long for his age. Praying that something opens up. Thank you for being here.
  9. Hi all, Thank you for all your feedback. I sometimes get really quiet and don’t have words to put with how I am feeling. The best I can describe this, is like being stuck in a thick fog and only being able to see a couple inches in front of me. Does anyone else feel like this? With all the changes happening, I feel lost confused and unable to get my grounding. I am ok.... thank you deeply to everyone who continues to hold space for me.
  10. I have written this journal out a couple of times... then erased it. I just.... I need help. Psalm 33:3 Sing to him a new song, play skillfully and shout for joy.
  11. Hi, Please make sure you are informed of all the side affects from anxiety medication. They are very powerful drugs, and you cannot just quit taking them. You have to taper off. Sending blessing to you as well. Have a beautiful day.
  12. Very quiet today. Here is a song I like. Have a beautiful day.
  13. Thank you for your post. It really means a lot to me. I am so glad your practice yoga. Some days it is the only thing that holds me together!!! A question that I often ask myself is, “what do I need in this moment”. When everything around me is chaos, I drop into my body, into my breath and listen. Thank you for being here.
  14. Thank you for your very beautiful comment. You always know exactly what to say when things get rough. It means so much... you being here.
  15. Emotion - Energy in motion Yesterday I saw red. After being exhausted, something triggered me and sent me over the edge. My body went into full flight/fight mode. I looked around and cried..... I need help! Then I realized I have a choice. My 2 oldest were at school. I called up a babysitter for my little one.... and off I went to the yoga shala. I walked in with so much suffering and pain. And then the miraculous happened. My teacher sat down and looked right at me and said, “ I too feel the suffering and pain. The depletion and emptiness. But take heart, you are not alone”. I broke down, tears welling up. We shaked, moved and wiggled all the pain out. We called out to our ancestral lineage for guidance. We did kriyas to balance the nervous system. We had gong for sound healing. And then finally at the end, we chanted “the last resort” meditation. It was truly scared. Life be breathed directly into my body. After only 1.5 hours I walked out revived and full of calm and peace. How could it be to move from such a place of darkness to light? To move the energy through my body and transmute it to joy? I need to honor my body and spirit more. Even God, had a day of rest. I am so very thankful to have the money for a babysitter. A car. Money for yoga. I realize how very privileged I am. Note: this post is very metaphorical. I apologize if this it’s hard to follow. Also the style of yoga is Kundalini. I different practice then most offered here in the states. Thank you for being here. Truly.
  • Create New...