Pochatok

Hey, thank you so much for sharing! I've been attempting a similar approach for many months now, so seeing your perspectives on it helps greatly 🙂 It's fascinating how different the "triggers" are for both of us, but how the same grounding and acknowledgement exercises are able to put us back in balance hehe

Woah, been almost three weeks. It has been quite intense- I have not allowed myself to pause enough, simply putting in more and more work into my schedule. The last 5-6 days I've been working nonstop (except for occasional hangouts and food breaks) from 8am to 9pm. I'm actually enjoying it, but also I feel like there are a lot of really important things I'm missing from my life with such a schedule. I hope to journal in a more regular fashion later tonight. Po ❤️

Hey Dr Gamer, welcome to GQ! I'm so sorry that gaming has impacted your life in such significant ways, and also I am so happy you've made it this far and are taking the steps to reshape your life! You've got this! I'm so excited to join you on your journey 🙂

Have you thought of buying a nook? It has helped me tremendously with reducing screen time in this manner. I never read on my phone anymore 🙂

yes- I only play games that don't trigger addiction. I am fortunate enough to have figured out how my addiction works, what triggers me and what is ok. I think there is always a risk of relapse, however, when you're testing the grounds. I had already over 100 days of detox when I decided to tap into video games again, and those 100 days of experience allowed me to just tap in and tap out fairly easily. I only played for maybe 5-10hrs total, and then quit for another 6 months. I kept bringing games in at a very strict and structured manner, really trying to focus on studying them instead of just playing. Eventually, I figured out what games allow me to do that, and which are too addictive. Since then, playing only non-addictive games has allowed me to restructure my perception of all games, and now only the games intentionally designed to be addictive, to keep the player in for hours are those that trigger my brain. Everything else I am able to study quite easily. However, playing any game purely for enjoyment always results in triggers; it's just how my brain works. Hope this helps 🙂

Congrats on already being 111 days in! I'm excited to be following you on your journey, thank you so much for sharing it here 🙂

Yes! That's the path I'm currently pursuing, after coming at a point in life where games are just not interesting to me. Though, some games are still addictive, and therefore frustrating- I plan to simply never play or be involved in the development of such games. I only want to develop games that discourage addiction and encourage connection w/ other people and the real world. I'm happy you have such a possibility lined up for you, good luck on making this decision and exploring its consequences!

Excited to meet a fellow animator here! Good luck on your journey, I am glad you're doing so much tracking of you work.

Congrats!!!

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that 😞 I'm glad you did get the piercings tho, I hope you'll find creating your own earring collection exciting hehe I believe (in) you! When I first started quitting Internet (I used UnDistracted for desktop and "Stay Focused" for phone), I was struggling tremendously and my self-esteem went to record lows. And also, I believed that this was the best I could do for myself then- I'm glad you think so too. I wish you courage and strength on this journey!

What helped me with this was listening to relationship and self-guiding podcasts. Very slowly, they've really changed how I view myself and my relationships to others- "Just Break Up" and "XO Higher Self" were especially validating and affirming. But before that, I've read "Courage to Be Disliked", which fundamentally changed how I viewed my relationship to myself and others. Not sure if you'll like any of these things, but I hope you will find enough curiosity to check them out! They changed my life in many ways.

Hi! Hope you had a weekend filled with some relaxation and reflection. Thank you for coming to my journal page ❤️ 1. Significant Obstacles Kind of is happening now! I stopped worrying about applying all my charisma skills to each conversation. That helps with feeling fully present and loving, acceptful of the people I'm talking to, which is nice. Only having 1-2 hangouts feels much less limiting if I take into account all the other times I interact with folks throughout the week- during lunch breaks, at events, etc. . Simply knowing how important it is. I know that I want to achieve as much as possible, and being sleep deprived fundamentally undercuts that goal. It's still difficult, but I am noticing a lot of progress. I don't think that my anxieties here are irrelevant. Certain relationships do not meet my needs/wants, and therefore I am feeling unsatiated. But, no single relationship fills all of my needs, and remembering that helps them feel whole and complete. Also, jealousy is real and normal, and me experiencing all kinds of thoughts is not an indicator of who I am, but simply of how I am conditioned to function. Yes! Actually,this weekend I felt that I was far too relaxed after a week of rigorous efforts. What really is "taking care of my wellbeing" isn't going shopping or eating nice foods, but being wholly present in the moment and treating myself with love and kindness right there. And getting enough rest, literal rest- sleep, exercise, meditation. I know I can upkeep a schedule like this at no cost to my health; the issue is do I want to? -- This week's obstacles are motivation, honesty, and habits. Motivation: Though I have had enough drive to make it through 15-hr work sessions from Saturday of last week until Friday of this, this weekend I've lost the drive. It seems that simply "doing the thing" is not enough of a motivator. Sure, I will get into the task and will work on it for __ hours, but the efficiency remains low without a stronger underlying sense of value and commitment to the thing itself. Question for next week: What have I attempted to make my motivation more consistent? How has it worked out? Honesty: When it comes to a few of my relationships, or actually most of them, I find myself not communicating certain things. Sure, I don't say some because they're simply odd, but also I am not allowing myself to be more vulnerable. I am afraid of rejection of any sort- it's so much easier to simply try to have a good time rather than take a risk to expand and deepen this relationship, right? Q for next W: How have I challenged myself to be more open and vulnerable within my relationships? Habits: Every time I am experiencing any stress, be it from difficulty focusing to sleep deprivation, I notice unwanted behaviors coming back. Desire to venture into social media and other depths of internet grows, I scratch my body more often, and eat when I am not hungry. This creates a loop of stress: I get more anxious noticing these habits and attempting to control them, which in turn encourages me to resolve to these behaviours even more. Q for next W: What exercises have I attempted to break the cycle of stress accumulation? 1a. Obstacles -> Opportunities Motivation: I am glad I've raised my ceiling of performance by this much. A week ago, I would have supressed the guilt experienced while doing unnecessary activities. Now, I acknowledge and agree with that- I don't need these activities in my life. What I want is to always try my best, and be loving and caring to myself. Honesty: It makes me smile to know that I have the courage to admit that my relationships are not as fullfilling as I would like them to be. I am excited to venture into the unknown and be true to myself even more. Habits: I am glad to be attempting to address this problem more structurally. After all, it is my passionate and consistent work that is bringing all this stress. I would rather be stressed out in this way than live in comfort of escapist safety. I am making new bridges, bringing more of myself in conversation; this can be anything but comfortable. 2. A Critical Mistake Futurized! This week, I have resolved again into a behaviour I've agreed to never dive into. Though at the bottom of my heart I knew this wasn't what I wanted, I struggled to listen to myself. Even after managing to pause and reflect, I still made a "compromise" with that desire, which didn't feel all that great either. At times like this, my future self, who is always listening to themselves deeply, would take the time to reflect on this fully, and examine this desire as an influence of the past on present, and put it in conversation with the needs of the future. 3. Life Reflection Direct Impact Did not do much here, frustratingly. Only made an excuse to not volunteer "because I already do" (which is true, but that's not the point!!!), and didn't find another place to support financially. Next weekend, I will sign up to volunteer off-campus for 3 hours OR I will volunteer with my student organization 🙂 Time Sculpting Artist Lots of reassessments and reflections in this area: I am continuing to work as a composer, but shifted away significantly from doing any visual work. Right now, all the focus is on publishing my research and becoming the best musician I can be. After this term's performance is concluded, and my research- completed, I will come back to doing animation daily, since my Spring project is all about that. Reading Miyazaki's thoughts on value of Higher Education was reaffirming- what I'm doing now is becoming an amazing, unique storyteller. Yes, I want to create, but I will have so much more time for that once I graduate. Now is the time to learn. Relation to Others More obstacles between me and my partner! We've been addressing well all of the smaller things, like spending more time together and arguing with more kindness. But, what to me is the core issues affecting the long-term sustainability of our relationship... remains undealt with. My partner is simply not willing to put in the work in the present moment, and though I understand the difficulty of the process, I get more anxious as we are nearing graduation- will my partner be able to move with me without addressing this issue in time? The best I can do is to continue believing in them and supporting them, and not let these anxieties lead my conversations. I am coming from a place of love, trust, and only then concern. Communal Artistry If counting all of the recitals and gallery shows I've attended, I'm feeling pretty happy! I've also expanded my presence to another online community, though I haven't been much active there. I'm going to participate in an artistic challenge too- next week. My collaboration with another artist is in the process of brewing right now. 4. Commiting to a Habit Next week, I want to make daily meditation (5 minutes) a habit. Specifically, I will complete the meditation either a) before practicing music or b) before a meal. By end of next week, I will incorporate meditation more precisely into my schedule. 5. Questions for Future Self 3 Months How did the gallery opening go? Six Months What do you enjoy most about your new living space (if you have not moved in, what are you most excited about?) Twelve Months I dare you to come up with a date plan for Valentine's. Do something nice! 3 Years What do you think about working in Video Games as a composer now? What has changed about this vision? 5 Years How has my inner climate anxiety (disconnected from world events) changed? Do you feel more at peace, more inclined for action? 10 Years Where do you hope to move to in the next 2 years, or why would you prefer to stay? Alright, this was a blast! So refreshing to complete this. Hope you find something helpful for yourself here 🙂 Po

Hi! Hope you'll get some rest this weekend 🙂 Let's dive into my life journey! Thank you for coming along ❤️ 1. Significant Obstacles Set up a "limit" of 2-3 hangouts per week. Feel slightly lonelier, but it has been allowing me to actually get work done, yay. I can spend more time with people by being more confident and outgoing at all of the events I attend (performances, work meetings, etc.). What will happen if I start to see all public spaces/events as opportunities for genuine connection? The issue of ambition: I simply can do my best to be as motivated as possible to do the tasks quickly and efficiently, and prioritize my time well. Those two factors seem to be most important: want to get things done quick- set goals; want to get the right things done- know what matters most. No, it is about prioritizing my time. There is never enough time for everything in my schedule. Right now, I want to keep all the things I have, but not all of them I can tend to as much as I want. Balancing the # of time I dedicate to each passion and really, really sticking to it helps. If I follow the schedule as closely as I can, I will make the progress I want. -- This week's obstacles are sleep, relationships, and planning. Sleep: I've been getting only 7-8 instead of the 8.5hrs/night the whole week. It's been causing me to return to some unwanted stress coping mechanisms like picking my face, browsing social media, and a few others. Question for next week: what habits/systems have turned out to be most effective for encouraging going to bed early? Relationships: My romantic relationship continues to be pretty draining, but I think that some of that drainage comes from my perception of things, not from what actually is going on. With other relationships, I am experiencing a lot of difficult feelings and thinkings: "why do they do __ with __ but not with me", or "I want to do __ with __, but also am too afraid/unconfident to take this risk", or "if __ is my friend, why are they not spending more time with me", or "why do I not have more people to share __ with". Eugh, felt good to get this out. Question for next weel: how can I feel more "enough" about my relationships? How can I confront my fears and uncertainties and do the things that feel right? Planning: Every day, being so tightly planned out, starts to fall apart immediately when I no longer know what I am doing/when. It is pretty frustrating, as I need to stick to the schedule extremely closely. Is this necessary for becoming my future self? At the end of day, I feel fullfilled knowing how much I've done, but also feel sad about all the things I don't get done. Will I have time for them tomorrow? Maybe... Question for next week: Am I being considerate of my own wellbeing by having such rigorous and demanding schedule? 1a. Obstacles -> Opportunities Sleep: I'm grateful to having experienced all of the things that I sacrificed bed time for. They help me learn myself more, and be more compassionate towards who I am, who I was, and who I will be. Relationships: I've been learning to listen to myself whilst in discomfort, learning to understand what my needs and wants are, and find new perspectives on my own actions in social situations. I am so grateful for having the strength to keep challenging myself in uncomfortable ways. Planning: I am grateful for the confidence I have in myself to meet such high demands. I understand that a lot is slipping through, and that this is an unsustainable system, and also I appreciate all of the things it has allowed me to learn and do this week. 2. Critical Mistakes Objectified Futurized! I honestly just don't think about my mistakes that much still- perhaps this is the mistake of the week! I move on from moments of high stress pretty quickly, and perhaps because of that they don't sit in my mind. This is beneficial in terms of stress management, but can I trust myself to not repeat the same mistake twice? I want to keep a small list of "difficult moments", and add to it every day. I believe that I wanted to create this section to feel less guilty about my mistakes, but that work is best done in the moment. Instead, this will be an area of thinking of my mistakes from the perspective of my future self: how would they approach the situation differently? 3. Life Reflection Direct Impact Done with Blood Drive! Was certainly an experience that I will do again, however discomfortable I am with needles. Next up, I want to find a 3rd place I could donate $5/mo to (or increase my donation amount to something), and sign up for another 1-2hr volunteer opportunity within the local area. Time Sculpting Artist Finished an animation, working on a composition, and organizing another animation. I want to get more ambitious here, but carefully, since I don't have all that much time/week for this at the moment. I want to contribute 30mins/daily to animation in whatever capacity, and learn 30mins/day on an adjacent topic as well. Dreaming big requires some consistent doing 🙂 Relation to Others Relationship with my partner continues to be an area of uncertainty- we simply are not making enough time for each other 😕 And that means a lot of important conversations are pushed away. I'm frustrated, and will sit down with my partner tomorrow night to try working through the lack of time prioritization. Difficult feelings in other relationships continue to appear- and I am happy that's the case! I have so much to become comfortable with, so much to begin enjoying ❤️ Communal Artistry I have reached out to someone for a collab, and now I want to follow-up (just did, yay)! And, I want to start posting my work in more communities (just did!). Making both of these more of a regular commitment is something I want to try next week... 4. Habit Re-Examination Also running out of time. I think that setting more time for this in the coming weeks is the habit. 5. Questions for Future Self 3 Months What was the most unexpected thing that came out from publishing research? Six Months What is something you understand about your sexuality that I did not? Twelve Months How annoying is my youngest sister now that she's 3? 3 Years How the heck did you make it this far? 5 Years How has volunteering weekly made a difference in your life? 10 Years What's a habit that I have that you still stick to? Wohoo, all done! This is super fun, but also takes up too much time at once. I will break this up into two journal entries, 50/50, posting on Monday and Friday. Thank you so much for stopping by, I wish you a bright day ❤️

Hey! I used to be in the same boat for a long time, and still am pretty often- I might have all the time in the world to do something, but instead choose to pick a different task, oops. The issue here is not a lack of willpower, but a lack of habit. And, in my case, it was an improper understanding of motivation: to feel interested in doing something, I need to start doing it. Waiting for motivation to appear just doesn't cut it. Most "difficult" things the brain naturally tends to avoid, and unless I actively soothe the discomfort of the process by doing the thing, motivation will stay low. There are a few books I've read on this that helped me ease into higher accumulation of motivation: Atomic Habits, Obstacle is the Way, and Personality isn't Permanent. Disclaimer: all of those books are faaar too long, are written by sexist/fatphobic/classist/... men, so I advise to read with caution as not to get some of their own inner bullshit get to you (as it did to me for some time -_-). Honestly, I would even advise reading a bit of the book to get the feel, and then reading summaries/reviews online about it- that will tell you all you need. Additionally, what helped me was setting goals every single day, and generating a large list of things that excite me in whatever it is that I am avoidind (studying included). The task might not feel fun, but if I manage to make it feel valuable/important, it already is a bit more exciting to get it done. The more I can align it with the goals/dreams I have for my future self, the more likely I am to get it done right now. Hope this helps! There is also tons of resources on YouTube (Cajun Koi Academy, Better Ideas, Modern Health Monk...). Also advise to tread with caution, as sometimes they talk "science" without any evidence -_-

I've tried to do this with learning Trombone for a whole year sometime ago, and it ended up getting draining. The best way to educate yourself on something is to find a way to ejoy what you're learning. Yes, there is that balance between enjoying so much you're not learning efficiently, but also same goes for enjoying so little you don't want to learn. I'm glad you're thinking so deeply about all the things that trouble you! Meaning of life and all those questions are really scary, and take a lifetime to answer 🙂