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Pochatok

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  1. Thank you for stopping by ❀️ I hope that you will find something useful for yourself in the entry below πŸ™‚ I try to organize my journals in a way that encourages skimming and reflections on the past. Gaming That feeling continued to linger, even though changing gaming from a leisure activity to an exercise in focus and charisma (lol) helped quite a bit. I've decided to uninstall the game until the weekend. I plan to play for 20 min on Fri and Sat. If urges are too strong to regulate that, I will uninstall the game again, wipe all progress, and block the download site. Overall, it seems that moderation will come much more easily when making games actually will be my job, as then I'll have a completely different mindset about it. It seems that the way I classify the act of playing affects a lot what chemicals get into my brain πŸ™‚ Recap of the week Still am, but classes are eating up a lot of my time even with a minimum amount of effort (which i hope to minimize further lol). Classes are great and I can feel myself be challenged every day in a multitude of ways. Extracurricular and jobs are currently at the periphery, and I only get to them in the evening. I will try to create a different schedule over the weekend so that my most passionate doings get priority. Other than that, the news in Russia are quite saddening, and my siblings have gotten COVID (fortunately, light). My partner and I are having the usual arguments, which is frustrating, but it will get better soon, as it always does. We have another couple counselling session today! Effectiveness/Efficiency Such a tight balance! Practicing music has been more distracted than usual because of how relaxed I am. Perhaps, besides reading more on this, part of the solution is not getting myself too comfortable, and instead creating an environment where I can upkeep focus while limiting stress. Relaxed =/= empty minded. Definitely want to start reading more again. Every time I sit down to read for 20-30 minutes, I get up with so much new knowledge! Another frustration is having entertainment balance out my hobbies. Right now, entertainment > hobbies, so when I have spare 10-20 minutes, I'll default to the former. I keep meaning to start pouring more time into my hobbies, but those 10-15 minutes I could use are usually spent browsing through internet. Was it different before? Hmm, I guess it was simply different! Distractions were more contained, but it all comes down to taking proper breaks when I am stressed out, and doing entertainment when I'm in a more stable, relaxed space. Relationships So much to improve upon here! Both me and my partner tend to put our frustrations and anger in front of kindness and understanding. I think that it's a very long process of unlearning, but hope that we will start seeing concrete progress soon. Hope to call my family tonight and see more friends in the coming weeks. I've been pretty social, seeing people at lunch/dinner every day and hanging out 1-1 a couple times per week, but there are many friends who I still don't see much 😞 Moving Forward Sike. This weekend is less loaded, but at this point I am still learning to balance and plan my academic life. I very much want to get to publishing my research, applying for grants, scholarships, and catch up with some long-forgotten projects. Perhaps, I can try to desire all these things a bit more, and, perhaps, my priorities will change with that. I hope to balance my time between what I think is important and what I am passionate about better in the coming week, and to feel more secure and happy about my romantic relationship. Thank you for reading! Hope that you've found something inspiring or helpful in this entry. Po ❀️
  2. Oh no! My heart is hurting quite a bit, I'm so sorry to hear that you -and many of my friends in Russia- are getting drafted. It sucks even more that you are already in the reserve... I really hope that this week's entries aren't the last time I hear from you. I'm glad you're continuing to be resilient even in the face of such difficult circumstances.
  3. Awhhh shoot, same here! I only do calisthenics now because I ruined my kneecaps and a few other joints. Lifting weights is too risky. Hey! Just remember that this is only a feeling, not a fact! You might be feeling this way now, and that's totally valid, and you're going to feel better in the future. If it is possible for other people just like you, it is possible for you too. You are on your own journey; I think that if I wasn't so privilieged to attend one of America's better universities, I would be still addicted. You have a very different environment that does influence the speed at which you can fight the addiction. It's not all your fault, because so many factors are outside of your control (or you might not even know about them). But you can, and will succeed, if you give yourself enough time and love and understanding. Your addiction does not define who you are or who you can be! Hope that this will give you some strength to keep going ❀️ Po
  4. Feeling a bit anxious as it's late and I still haven't gotten to my HW... But, this reflection is also extremely important to me and I do not wish to put it off any longer. I smiled, stretched, stood up and sat back down. Now I'm feeling excited for this! Gaming Woah! I did end up downloading and installing it, just a couple days ago (and, sike, because Minecraft is not "fun" enough). Now, I've been limiting myself pretty strictly to 15-20 minutes, but while the initial few days have been positive, I'm already starting to feel addicted. It's extremely frustrating that I'm not able to enjoy any more fun, exciting games without getting addicted. I'll install an additional set of limitations, and if that still leaves me feeling stressed, will uninstall the game. As someone who wants to work in the video game industry, I would like to be able to enjoy playing without becoming addicted. Perhaps, changing my reason for playing games into a more professional-oriented activity would help? Right now, I'm seeing it as entertainment, and that could be feeding into addictive behaviours. I'm still commited to living an addiction-free life. If this doesn't get better by next entry, I will uninstall everything and erase all dataπŸ™‚ Recap of the week Regained the routines, but need to work on goals to feel more motivated. I remember, early in the summer, I would wake up feeling genuinely excited to engage in the same activities that feel like a chore now. Anyways, school has started! Funny enough, it no longer feels that big- I'm enjoying work much more than classes (even though they're great), and hope to take on more awesome jobs soon. We'll see if my priorities change in the coming weeks. Made a budget for the year, and it seems that I need to apply -and win- some scholarships! A good motivator to be doing more artistic stuff again lol Effectiveness/Efficiency Better here! All it takes, really, is having a more efficiency-oriented mindset, where the only important thing in the process is the goal itself. In other words, I don't worry as much about having a perfect route towards the destination, and only correct my route if I'm experiencing stress/frustration. In terms of practicing music and exercising, this has been giving me amazing results. Relationships Ey, had a couple counselling session to work exactly on this issue, and it has gotten better! I do feel a bit out of my skin when saying things differently from how I usually say them, but I hope it's just a matter of getting used to... being kinder, lol. Also, visited my family, and was super happy to see one of my parents act much more positive. While they're still struggling with many things (and I hope to help), being around my family now is an overwhelmingly positive experience. I'm so grateful for the collaborative work on improving our relationships within family- thank you parents, siblings, and friends! Moving Forward AAA Still haven't done it, but it seems like it will be okay now? I will for sure have time for this over the weekend, and the motivation is there again now that I'm interacting again with the people who I consult on these projects. Too true still, it takes a lot of thinkfeeling to get myself more precisely motivated for doing any creative work. I don't want to let it slip away from me. But my biggest worry is regaining my addictive behaviours and losing my general sense of motivation for real life. I might be too paranoid... Thank you for reading! Hope that you've found something inspiring or helpful in this entry. Po ❀️
  5. Haha, get those dreams from time to time to! Unfortunately, the dreams are extremely positive experiences and I wake up feeling bitter that in real-life gaming is so polluted with addictive patterns and mechanics.
  6. So happy you're making progress! There are definitely phases where the cravings change character and you feel like addiction is no longer there... But it takes so much longer to wear off, unfortunately, and it's important to persist on the detox πŸ™‚ I've had multiple points (about 7 months into the detox, for example) where I also experienced something that wasn't quite a craving... As soon as I'd start playing, convinced that because it didn't feel like a craving things would be fine, addiction would make a return. Keep at it!
  7. Hi! I second Wildermyth's points. It's a long journey, and I'm not sure if there are shortcuts. It took me a very long time to not feel that way about gaming content on social media. If you use Chrome, there's a super useful extension called "UnDistracted". It blocks out a lot of different content types (comments, feed, suggestions, etc.) across multiple sites. Reduced my urge to watch addictive content because it simply made it unacessible.
  8. Thank you for sharing your story, it's such valuable insight into how different our experiences with gaming addiction can be. I'm happy that you're able to reason and analyse yourself so deeply, and hope it helps in reducing the addictive behaviours!
  9. What do you find beneficial to you or others in writing blogs? I've done it for a bit, and just ended up feeling discouraged cuz it didn't seem to leave any impact on people around me...
  10. Hmm, it has worked out for me! I do think that as an approach to treat addiction it is uneffective, but I've come back to casual gaming (<20min/day) and it actually leaves me feeling good. There are two multiple sides of the coin to any activity, and categorizing anything as either "good" or "bad" limits very much the ability to understand what that thing truly is. I'm curious of your definition of "becoming stronger": what does increase in strength look like to you across different activities? I do agree with your point about becoming a leader 100%, leadership skills are key to thriving in modern environments imo.
  11. Eyy! Same for me, the less I game the less excuses I have to not read every day. I also find podcasts/audiobooks much more appealing, but the amount of knowledge and insight reading provides makes it worth my time. Also, your set up is damn hot! That looks so cozy!
  12. Hey! Have you thought of making your journal entries a bit more detailed (and maybe less frequent?). For me, using this forum as a space to reflect and analyze turned out to be extremely helpful πŸ™‚
  13. First, let's get into the right environment! Get some water, clean up my desk... Stretch wide, get into the most energetic posture... Let's get started! Gaming Been getting into more addictive loops with this game. It is not addictive by design, but I'm so effective at setting up my own goals that it becomes quite difficult to stop playing at the clock. I'll apply the general rule of habit building from Atomic Habits, "it's okay to slip up once, but once you repeat the same mistake, it becomes a pattern." And those are hard to break. Other than that, still have a very strong urge to reinstall games- almost downloaded one yesterday, stopped myself halfway through. Other historically harmful habits are also resurfacing; I've been simply taking it as a sign that I need more concrete (time and scope-wise) goals and routines. At the moment, it feels like I have "nothing" to do, and so timesinking into games feels just right. Recap of the week Now I know that I felt that way largely because I quit most of my routines and lost track of goals. Today and tomorrow, I'll be spending a large portion of my day rebuilding them. My job has finally concluded, and I'm incredibly happy with it! I've learned a ton, and made more impact than ever. From now on, I'll seek out more executive-level positions. The amount of creativity and individuality I get to employ at such a global level of impact is an incredible experience... How am I feeling right now While it feels great to not be burdened by shame for not being too productive, I've totally forgotten that this same feeling is what got me addicted. I'd give myself the excuse to play games, browse internet, and engage in other potentially harmful, stressful behaviours through saying, "there is still so much time in the day left". Truth is, time is not important, and I don't ever want to use it as an excuse, be it "too little time" or "too much time". What matters is my internal motivators to do _ rather than _ . I've been overlooking motivation, and while I am not feeling bad over spending lots of time simply feeling good, indulging in those patterns any longer will begin to cause me stress. Otherwise, I'm feeling good haha. It's a fine morning. I am improving my sleep schedule and morning routines, and that always feels great. Love waking up feeling good! Effectiveness Still in the process of kicking in, I guess? I'm feeling less stressed about work, but I feel like it's because there is less work. There is still so much to work on when it comes to dealing with frustrations and stress factors as soon as they're on the horizon instead of when they're hovering right over me... Relationships So much to work on when it comes to having arguments with my partner... While we're doing great when, uh, things are great, I struggle greatly to comfort my partner when they are stressed. That often leads to some serious conflicts. We're gonna use our college student privilege and get a group counselling session; hope that will help. If looking beyond my partner and I's relationship, things are great. I feel very comfortable hanging with all kinds of people, and while I still prefer to be on my own, my social anxieties are having a historic low. Kudos to all the organizations I've been a part of this summer, they forced me out of my comfort zone and helped me adapt to, but also appreciate being more extroverted. Moving Forward Oops haha. Gotta get to that ASAP, or else I'll have to pay out of pocket for a study abroad class... I'm excited to be getting into a whole new year of learning, meeting people, creating awesome projects that I absolutely despise the process of, and simply being student. But, I fear that I'll lose sight of my bigger goals again, and will end up dropping them for other projects. My desire to be an animator/sound designer is strong, but easily undermined... Time wil tell! Thank you for reading, and I hope you can find some joy in the memories you've made today ❀️ Po
  14. Hey, totally feel you on that whack-a-mole experience with additctions. For me, learning to accept boredom and use it to my advantage has been quite helpful. I've been experiencing lots of urges to restart gaming lately, going all the way to downloading a game and then withdrawing the last moment. What helped me was acknowleding that I am a) bored and b) not interested in doing anything "productive". Truth is, everything you do (including literally laying down and being bored) can be incredibly productive if you let it be. Not everything has to add up directly towards your goals, but everything does trickle down into them one way or another. It very much depends on our perception of what's going on. Learning to take boredom as an opportunity to reflect, recenter, and regain energy has helped me reduce my urges towards addictive behaviour with the least amount of effort and stress. Before, I'd try to force myself to be hyper-productive, burying the urges in work. While it worked, it ultimately did not help my motivation or lowered my stress, and only led to more boredom, which I did not know how to cope with. Let me know what you think! Po
  15. First, I'd like to take a deep breath and reassess how my environment is influencing me right now... Took a sip of water, changed some of the lights on my desk... Both feet on the floor, one deep breath... Let's get started! Gaming With games that have little extrinsic motivation, this has been a joy to practice. Even 3 minutes of Minecraft can be spent in a way that strongly improves my emotional state. But attempting to play an FPS causes me to feel frustrated about the time wasted... Funny enough, I literally had a long dream tonight about playing an MMO, but as soon as I think of all the timesinks any and all of those games include, my excitement is lost πŸ˜† I hope to continue to carry this thought with me: the long-term consequences outweigh the immediate benefits when it comes to addictive games. With how my personality currently is, self-control against addictive mechanics is draining. Recap of the week Realised that I've forgotten a core value of mine in the last couple of weeks: make no pride in doing my work, let others bring in the praise (if they have any). Making whatever I'm doing seem big and important shifts it into something scary, challenging, overwhelming. One of my family members is ridiculously successful and I aspire to them every day, but they always say "eh, it's all easy and boring and no big deal". Anyways, this week has been a bit easier on me. I'm not feeling as busy, and have actually enjoyed some free time. It no longer feels like a 24/7 rush hour, and that helps me look ahead instead of being stuck in the 5 seconds that just passed. My partner and I just passed our 3rd anniversarry, which is something I almost forgot -_- Haven't had much time to work on sound design, but it's slowly coming back into my routines. How am I feeling right now Still don't keep this in my head often enough, though other lessons from "The Myth of Charisma" have been getting into my day-to-day happenings more steadily! I'm feeling pretty calm right now; recently, I saw the quote "your value is not determined by your productivity", and it has stuck with me good! Every time I say that, I suddenly feel that there are another 20 hours in my day and I can take some time to read a book or be with my partner... Quotes can do wonders! Effectiveness Going back to the fundamental approach of "enjoying the process -> entering the flow -> preventing/reacting early to frustrations -> staying in the flow -> best results" has been very helpful, though it's hard to not feel guilty for not being 100% effective right away. This approach takes time to kick in, but I know that the longer term results can be phenomenal. And, I am actually not feeling super stressed and tired at the end of the day, what?!?! Relationships Still rings true, and now there is a bit of guilt for taking the time to cuddle in the morning with my partner... Simply put, fuck capitalism and the workaholic culture. I'll try to focus more on having a reasonable excuse to stay in bed for 10-20 more minutes while feeling excited to get out of bed. Not feeling well when getting out of bed is the worst, and it affects how I treat my partner for the rest of the day 😞 Also, my family came for a visit, which was super nice! Everyone was very kind and chill, and it was just a great weekend overall. I hope that they all are doing just as fine at home, however; this was a very good weekend, but I doubt that it's the same when they come back home from a 12-hour workday... Moving Forward Somewhat true! I am trying to balance my wellbeing with positive discipline and not let my routines slip away too far. Building Habits is a big goal of mine, and taking more than 1-3 days off from any routine is harmful to that. I hope to spend even more time reading, get better at prioritizing and organizing my day, and stop avoiding larger, looming projects (like publishing my research). Thank you so much for reading ❀️ Po