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Everything posted by BooksandTrees

  1. The test went much better than before. I think I dominated the first half and did ok in the second half. I'm praying for a miracle here. I really hope I pass. It's so crushing to not pass. @WhoCares I think the Pomodoro technique really helped me finish that final push. It also helped me at work. I think I'm going to take this week to relax and next week I might start doing the pomodoro technique with learning the drums and animating. Just 1 day each per week.
  2. Thank you! I definitely learned a lot so I'm happy with that.
  3. Test is tomorrow. I studied very hard for 3 months. I hope I pass. I feel better than I've ever felt going into this.
  4. Had a good study day yesterday. The pomodoro technique is nice for work and study. I don't follow it if I'm in a groove but I remember to take breaks after the grooves. Next week I hit 3 years....time flies!
  5. No but I think I'm mentally less stressed now that I only have to do a few problems. I was doing too many. I'm turning that fear into energy and control over the situation. It's my test. I got this. That's my mindset. My health is actually good overall. I've been sticking to a good schedule and thriving at work and in life. Therapy was instrumental.
  6. I had therapy today and feel a lot better. I was shut down mentally and physically for most of today. I managed to get 2 hours of studying in tonight after therapy and am so much happier. I'm gonna just plan my days one day at a time now. I can't get caught up planning my days on and on with what I need to do x days from now. I'm just gonna wake up at a normal time each day and just plan things out. Maybe I exercise, maybe I study, maybe something else. I'll be in good shape if I keep this up.
  7. You've got this. It's a long road. We need to be more patient with ourselves. Let's see how this reward technique goes.
  8. That's so interesting you wrote about this. I literally just started researching the pomodoro technique. I think I'm gonna do 50 minutes on, 10 off or 25 on5 off for a bit, including work. and I'm not gonna study after 9 PM. Good luck to you. Let's compare notes on how this goes. We've got this.
  9. I fell asleep around 5 and woke up just now. I'm very grateful to brave therapy tonight. I'm very surprised by how much anxiety I have right now. I'm proud that I haven't relapsed. It's crazy after almost 3 years the first thing my mind wanted to do during a panic attack is play runescape. Goes to show those neural pathways remain permanent regardless of my progress. I hope this shows anyone reading that you'll still have to make tough decisions in times of need and that I'm still alive and ok after not playing during hours of panic attacks. Stay strong. Don't fear failure. Love yourself.
  10. I'm psyching myself out to the point of illness. Instead of sleeping I'm panicking over things I haven't studied yet. I'll never take this test again if I fail it. I've tortured myself for years over this. I am done. I've spent the past 4 hours trying to sleep. I've gone through tons of practice problems skimming them. Retaining nothing because it's 4 am. It's like I'm trying to calm myself down because I'm afraid to even look at the problems. I have less fear now. I just need to sleep and start tomorrow.
  11. I'm honestly very annoyed that I could not study today. I still have 11 days til the exam. I just had nothing in me. I craved video games and porn very badly today. Some of my worst cravings in years. But fuck that. I have failed this exam twice and am still alive. Nothing bad happened to me. In fact, I got a new job with a huge raise instead. I'm allowed to fail and have done a good job. Instead of gaming or watching porn, I walked outside, slept inside when I got back, solved a puzzle, listened to music, and watched TV and talked to friends. I am now going to take a shower and just do my best tomorrow since I have the day off. I have 11 days to do these last remaining problems and practice exams. I can do this.
  12. I was not able to study today. I was mentally exhausted and in pain. 11 days til the exam. I'm so tired of this. I really pray I pass. Mentally i wonder if I can ever do this again. But 1 day at a time.
  13. I did another 4 hours today. I wanted to do more but I'm tired mentally. So I've been relaxing. 15 chapters left to go.
  14. I studied 7 hours today. It was tough but I'm proud of myself. I'd like to do something similar tomorrow. 13 days away. About 18 chapters left so about 250 problems to solve and then a few practice exams. I got a week off before the exam too. Here's to praying for miracles.
  15. Thank you! I'm glad I can give people a positive impact.
  16. I'll be 154 weeks free from gaming this weekend. I'm about 2 weeks from my exam now. I haven't been posting as much just because I've been super busy. I love my new job and I've been enjoying the responsibility they've given me. I really see a bright future here. Hope you're all doing well. I haven't really wanted to post in a while since the website has been dying a little but I'm still going strong.
  17. I forgot to mention I went 151 weeks. lol. I'll be 152 weeks tomorrow at least. New job is very fulfilling and exciting. Only problem is I'm exhausted again and having difficulty studying after work. I'm not burned out though. I just think new jobs add a little stress even if it's enjoyable. I might try studying in the morning or something. I just get tired after work.
  18. You might find this post helpful. I wrote it when I reached 500 days. It's how I quit gaming. It's a long read when you're bored.
  19. Studying went really well today. I've done better without eating sugar and with exercise in the morning. I also am relaxing each night with some quiet time just zoning out and listening to music.
  20. Welcome to the forums! I definitely stress the importance of patience on your journey here. Definitely be introspective and research how you crave games and how certain things make you feel. Good luck and don't quit everything at once is my best advice.
  21. This week is 150 weeks free from gaming. I'm also 2 weeks free from porn and am going to commit very seriously to this. I never had a girlfriend before until this year and I'm noticing truths about how porn is bad for you with real life intimacy. It has made me ashamed. I'm committed to quitting now not just for me but for my partner too.
  22. I had my first day off from work today and it was the first day I've had no anxiety in months. I studied and exercised and met a friend. It was a good day.
  23. Be careful calling things failures. You have to be kind to yourself. Call it a slip up or accident or room for improvement. Sometimes a diagnosis helps but it only does so much. I got diagnosed with major depressive disorder and I'm on a 40 mg dosage of prozac. It helps me tremendously.
  24. Today I'm 149 weeks free from gaming. I studied for 7 hours today and meal prepped. I rode the bike for only 10 minutes after exercising and feel a lot better and less burnt out. I think exercise and diet really improves my cognitive abilities. I'll relax tonight and do 8 more hours tomorrow of study and maybe 20 minutes of exercise. I'm down to 190 lbs from 196. It's sad that I was 160 last year but that's depression and stuff. Getting back on track though.