As promised I'm all caught up on your posts. @James Good it sounds like you're struggling. That's great news!
Many times in my life, people have tried to convince me that struggling was a bad thing. I fully disagree with them. Struggling means there's a vision for something better and going through the pain of getting closer to it. I know it's a bit over-stated, but my mind always comes back to caterpillars transforming into butterflies. First of all, they literally liquefy their own bodies to reform them into a butterfly (sounds like you're working on re-discovering your base self as well), then they change into something greater (which you're doing), then when they're done they have to struggle to escape the chrysalis. Experiments have been done and it's been proven that if the butterfly receives assistance when breaking out of the chrysalis, then they won't be strong enough to use their body properly and they die.
Struggling is an essential part of their survival. I think the same applies to people. Without going through the pains of becoming something better, we end up spoiled rotten or lazy. Keep fighting against both of those lifestyles and you'll find yourself surprisingly happy and competent.
@Ikar I've loved your posts so far, and I'm now following you as well. ^ I read the article. Those Fortnight people sound like they know exactly what's happening and refuse to do anything about it. It's almost hilarious, but mostly just pisses me off.
SPECIAL NOTE: For the moment being, I'd only be able to write these journals during the morning. The reason is, well, I'm in the company right now, just like I did my first journal entry. I'm here 'working' stuff on my own (like creating websites, blogging and stuff like that) since I already told my current boss (not so long ago) that I was no longer interested in computing. He understood and was pretty much ok with it, really. So, in any case, my initial stay here was for 3 or 4 months, so no worries about it. The three month period is about to be over soon anyway, so I can simply choose to stay for one more month, or go back to my native city. But you know which option I'll pick ...
So! As for yesterday then, as I'd like to write these journals about the past days then since I'll write them during the morning for now, it was a very good day, to be honest. I mean, I wasn't able to do big deal of things, but I remember I began with a brief session of meditation (REMINDER that I must do it for today too, woops!), then I ... began, yet again, to struggle if to go to the company or not. I very briefly re-played FFXIV, just because, but as I saw no person of interest to play with, I just quit. Then, just because, I decided then to go to the work place.
Regardless of my own freedom to do as I may please, I was stuck here in boredom, until I deeply checked about Game Quitters. To be honest, I already knew about this kind of organization not so long ago, but decided to ignore it because, eh, I thought MY own problem wasn't related much to videogames at all. But, alas, despite my laaaaaaaaaarge thousaaaaaaaaaand tries of trying ANYTHING (and I really mean it) like mediation on my own, reading books, trying to be a christian believer, trying to love more people, socialize more, flirting and trying ot get a girlfriend, and sooo oooooon ... yet, for some reason or another, I simply ended up failing. Videogames, as I knew, were in the middle of the way sometimes, but I didn't know it was that severe of a problem; until yesterday I tried to introduce myself here and wrote my first ever journal, here.
And to be honest, it felt good. Helped me to kill my time in a good way, being productive about something. Then, I was close to end my time in the company, so I packed up and said my goodbyes. Got back to home, I got a very nice meal without being or feeling anxious about, like, for anything (if I could feel that way, I'd simply eat quite a lot, heh), and took a good nap.
After that, it was afternoon time, the quite difficult, daunting task time to me to fill without videogames. Truth be told, it wasn't that hard ... for the time being. I simply needed to do these chores: laundry time, taking a shower, cleaning a bit the house and little more than that. Then it followed by taking a kind of brief walk out there, going to the bank and extracting some money, checking a couple of stores, and stuff like that. I bought some groceries in the supermarket and, presto, I was back at home around ... 19:30? Something like that, yes.
And then, nothing else to be honest. I was checking the internet for some random stuff, no big deal. I damn tried to watch some movie, but, let's be honest, in a 'free' way, hehe. But it ended in vain, damn it was hard for me. At least I tried (don't blame me, I may have money but no big deal, truth be told! ).
After that, dinner time hit the clock and was a decent meal too! Not bad for the moment being. Then it was kinda hitting close bed time after I brushed my teeth ... but not without some kind of stupid, silly arguing with some online person I met long ago. Not really big deal, but the sad part was, when I was feeling kinda sad for whatever reason, this person didn't attend me in the way I'd expect, honestly. Who cares, is just another insensitive person, a gamer just like me ...
Curious why so many people fall in this category being JUST a gamer. Such casualty, heh (I don't say is the norm, thankfully God), but truth be told, is true that videogames' excessiveness can make dull your own senses and emotions somehow. Your brain is overloaded with this too excessive dopamine, and we need to take a deeper breath of fresh air. Doing more things instead of too much gaming, just like her.
I DON'T blame her at all, though. She has a kind of rough spot in her life being too busy with a part time job + studies that she just seem to hate (she's similarly stuck with them like I was with my own past degree, :/). But whatever, she may do as she pleases. She may learn or not ... just as I have to anyway. We all have to learn, or we'll get lost in a bad way, truth be told.
So! To sum up this day, I'd just say it was a quite satisfying one, no big complaints here, really. But the true challenge may come sooner than later, to be honest. What I did yesterday was a simple myriad of chores that, even as for today, I could do yet again. But not for too long.
I have plans how to deal with the boredom gaps, though (like trying to read outside in a park, for example). No big deal, I guess. I feel my videogame addiction is not going to be that really hard, thank God (even after almost ten years of getting pretty much too engaged with them, heh) ... for now, though. And, as I said, I'll be back to my native city (where I can basically do quite a lot of more stuff than here for sure) by the end of this month.
Well, so far so pretty good, I'd say. Cheers to all and may you have best of luck in your lives!
IMPORTANT AND URGENT: NONE! (all finished, now what?) IMPORTANT BUT NOT URGENT: 100 Days of Thanks (99% complete), The Science of the Christian Life (95% complete), Project Exodus (3/20 complete), and my 52-week Bible reading plan (>70% complete) URGENT BUT NOT IMPORTANT: my 5.5-year old blog NEITHER IMPORTANT NOR URGENT: Time Bomb: an old-school fanfic from 2013-14 (will work more on chapter 21 after the detox period sometime during the gap year)
What to Read Next? Saga Volume 8 (hopefully starting tomorrow, volume 9 postponed due to commencement); Arms From the Sea (right after commencement if I am still waiting for volume 9 of Saga)
Day 49: Yesterday, I didn't get out of the house until 3pm. I came to the library and borrowed the one item I was looking forward to reading. Please see cover below if you are interested, but wait there is more... I went to the farmer's market and they didn't have any fresh grapes. You can only buy them if they are in the form of alcohol. If you are abstaining from drinking during your detox from video games, I suggest that you skip it. I drank 2 samples of red wine. 1 is bittersweet and the other is a bit raw. I cannot take something unsafe for public transit. Sad! Instead, I headed to the grocery shop and got grape juice plus a bunchful of grapes for cheap. Then I saw my old friend from government school again while I was on the way out of the mall. And then I just headed home my dad said. It was a bit of the interruption throughout the day, but it is fun...
Day 50: I knew I was coming to the point of getting into catching up time, but I am almost done with two things I started during the season of passion from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday. 1. 100 Days of Thanks (that started on March 6th) and 2. The Science of the Christian Life (that started right after Easter service). The good news: After weeks of waiting, I am finally accomplished with the Whitworthian shenenigans that was originally aired over spring semester of 2019 for my sister who is 4 years younger than me. The last time I checked in with the chapel podcast, I took notes over what they had done over my sister's first semester there near the beginning of my Christmas break 2018. The first series was Redefining the Law and the other was Reading the Bible with Jesus. In my campus over the past spring term, we sometimes on occasion crammed #MeToo down our throats while in reality focused more on the Holy Spirit. I have enjoyed every last minute spent with the XA (Chi Alpha) ministry, but it was worth it. I am glad to be a better person today. I cannot wait to show the world how proud I am once when I receive the rolled-up paper with a ribbon in the middle. At the end of the day, it was time for me to wait a few more hours before it gets really interesting. I am super excited to celebrate my acheivements! 🙂🎊
I got back on FB a few days after about 2 months (I quit FB before I quit games), but for a very pragmatic reason of seeking job abroad, as it's amazing how many people it connects, how many opportunities it creates and how easy is it to use. I'll get rid of it again after I find what I'm looking for, though I wish everybody got back to text clients like QIP or Skype. At least WhatsApp is getting decently popular and Messenger is an option too.