Hello again everyone.
Since I'm doing this again for the last time, I though I might start a new journal.
I'm giving myself this only and last shot. I need to quit video games for the next year, so until january 29th 2021. If I'm not game free for the next year I'm going back and never trying again.
I feel like giving myself an ultimatum is the only way the detox will actually work. So here we go again.
Also, If anyone is interested, I'd like to have an accountability partner. Anyone who is interested, please, please leave a comment bellow :) .
I'm reading up on respawn again, and I will apply every single step outlined there.
Gaming and porn has severely impacted my mental health. I feel like im going insane, it needs to go away for good.
I'm currently jobless, looking for a job as a copywriter. I plan on going to a bussiness school here in Belgrade. I'm gonna start studying today.
My social life has been stable, I can safely say. I see my friends as much as I can. But no girlfriends, since my ex.
I really do hope this is my last detox and that It will work.
I wish you all the best of luck on your journeys and I'm looking forward to an accountability partner.
Have a wonderful day!
I feel horrible, but not completely horrible today. If I had to give a word to the feeling I would say confused and nervous. Last night I didn't relapse on gaming but I did relapse on nofap. It got very uncomfortable and I couldn't take it anymore. I was getting any benefits from it so I said I ain't going to put myself through so much pain to get no benefits. Today I almost stayed in bed and didn't come to school but I told myself to get up and go. I could really use a coffee right now though too but I don't have any cash because I don't have a job and I am a senior in high school. How sad is that to be a senior in high school and you don't have any money saved, no cellphone, no car of your own (I am using my Dad's car.) I really feel awful not having really no money of my own. I have had 5 jobs and I can't seem to hold any job I get for very long. I get burnt out and I quit. I have a hard time committing to anything that I do. The other thing that is bothering me is that the girl that I like that doesn't like me back anymore I still can't get over her and she broke up with me back in October and I feel awful every time I see her at school and I keep thinking she will turn back around but nothing has happened. It makes me really depressed. Another thing bothering me is I have been thinking yesterday and today to get back into gaming in moderation but I keep telling myself to go through the 90 days first. Also I don't know about doing the nofap and trying to go longer and not give in again, but I don't want to do it and the benefits never kick in. Also I am going to try to come back to my Christian faith that I have been pushing away for awhile because of my major depressive episodes. Also I kinda got off and on my meds so I am going to try to get them going straight again. That'll make me feel a little better. Also I want to start working on my self-esteem. I think my super low self-esteem is the cause for my being awkward and nervous in social situations along with my super depressive episodes and it could be part of why I have been single and can't get a girlfriend for the past 4 years. I don't want to be single but It is super hard not to be. Out of all these issues the biggest one bothering me is the fact that I am still single and I have been trying to get a girlfriend and I can't do it. It is like the universe wants me to stay single and I hate it. I would say this contributes to me being so depressed all the time. It makes my PTSD worse too. I just want to fix all these issues one by one so I can be more fulfilled in life.
So yeah. Very long time since Ive written on this forum - 60 days..
Life happened and a bachelor needed finishing and stuff. Jobs had to be applied to. Stress, Stress, Stress.
Finished it all with the grade B in my bachelor. Very great I think. But no more education for me.
Now I am finally here with a bachelors degree, a full-time job and still no games played. So grateful.
Days without games: 107
Grateful for (3 things)?
That I am finally done with my education
that I have a job already
My girlfriend for getting me through
What went well since last post?
I finished my bachelors.
I got a full-time job.
I have not played.
What will I do differently?
Try to write more now that my life isn't so stressful anymore.
What is my current long term goal?
5 months on my wedding day! more than 3 months in now 😄