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Entry 3.10 Day 734: No Useless Videos Day 731: Sticking to Food schedule Day 334: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 39: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Visiting doctor to get recommendation for blood test + weigh myself - I weighed about 55kg with shoes, so it's probably 54.5 kg approx for my height of 174cm which is still underweight apparently -16 pomodoros -1hr 40 min run tempo   1 thing I could do  better -Listen to book during lunch cooking

I am suffering (emotionally) at the moment.  At first, I was angry.  I felt like I was "lied to" and "wasted my time".  Then I was sad.  I'm still sad.  I feel so "worthless" and "inadequate" to the world around me.  Don't we all want to be "used" in some way?  Like, we all want to be useful in a dignified manner, wouldn't you agree?  I was hoping to find some satisfaction in this regard today and I found none at all.  I feel used cheaply and pathetically instead.  It's difficult to imagine finding 1 or more sustainable sources for this satisfaction; times and places where I "belong" are few and far between and rarely put food on the table, so to speak.  It's difficult but I have to trust in the possibility.  Otherwise, I don't see the point in subjecting myself to further "usage".  Did you know?  In software development, when a piece of software is "retired" or "shelved" (no more support, no more updates) it is colloquially referred to as having "reached its EOL" (End Of Life).  I wonder how close I am to my EOL because it sure feels like "support" is lacking these days. Good luck folks.  I'm gonna go look at some cute puppers online now.

I'm happy to read that you don't have Duolingo as your only way to learn the language. The key is to really have many different sources and to put in at least half an hour a day on average. I've been trying to point out to my students that Duolingo and lessons with me (normally once a week) are probably not enough to learn English (in your case French) well enough. The main benefit of it is that it's 'free' - they just pay by watching the ads. Some of my students really like it, possibly because it's quite well gamified and that works for their personality. I tried learning Russian using Duo several years ago, but I finished after a year or two, because I got bored of the app. It still throws rather out-of-context vocabulary/sentences at students, because it tries to be an app for everybody. Duo also doesn't train the thing most people actually want - to be able to understand and say something on the spot. Yes, it can help you prepare some phrases to use, but if the reaction of the other person is not simple, it's game over. And ultimately, speaking can be only improved by (surprise, surprise!) speaking 😄

Thu 10.3 Later today, I have a civic tech volunteering online meeting. I get to use my computer programming skills to volunteer my time into creating a solution that can help our community stay informed in local politics. I was not able to do that last week, due to a parent teacher night at my oldest sons school. But it's been very fulfilling for me to do this each Thursday night when I can, so I'm looking forward to that. Things that I must do everyday to stay healthy Sleep around 8h - Yes, again more like 7.5h because I got woken up again... this time by my dog who learned to open the sliding door for the closet, and went into the dirty laundry. She can be mischievious like that. Stretch - Yes, right after shutting my alarm and checking the weather. Something I've found what works well to both get me out of bed and not check my phone right after waking up; charge my phone away from bed, in a plug on the other side of the room. I'm going to keep doing that. Go for walks / Excercise - Yes, at home with my wife playing Just Dance for 20min, which made me sweat when we got to Bangarang by Skrillex. Technically a video game, but one where I have to physically move my body and thus actually exercise. So this is a positive experience for me. Drink Water - yes, in-between songs. Will stay on top of this throughout the workday. Wash face + body - yes to body, after dancing was done. I will do my face later today. Nutrition: breakfast - oh yeah... I had a yogurt this morning but that's not even close to enough food. I'm gonna get on this on my soonest work break. Man am I glad I am journaling regularly again haha lunch - tbd, but probably a sandwhich again. It's what I had yesterday as well dinner - tbd, my wife says she'll make it today, so I get some time to spend with my kids after work Talk to my partner - yes, we brought my middle kid to daycare together today. Last night I also reflected on an incident (keep reading) with her, as well as our favorite moments of the day. I did tell her I felt a bit distant from my oldest kid, so hence why she offered to make dinner tonight instead (I made it yesterday + night before), so I get to spend time with him after work. Talk with my kids + play with them - this morning I talked to both the older ones during breakfast, and bottle fed the 7mo afterwards. Planning on doing more of that tonight. Read a book - yesterday I said Habit 1 would start. Well actually there's a 20min intro to get through for what each habit covers, so my mistake. I read it fairly quickly last night though, and as per the story below, I am being mindful of being a better listener and being more patient, even in stressful situations. I started a bit of "Habit 1; be Proactive" this morning, and will continue reading later today. Meditate + deep breaths - deep breaths this morning. I will continue to do so in a morning work break. Practice French - I'll get to this in the evening after work. Gratitude and reflection - well see below 🙂 I'll keep doing this regularly. I am grateful to also start journaling, I may have skipped breakfast otherwise. --------- Yesterday's reflection I had a massage yesterday, which helped with my stress quite a bit. Also to get some blood flowing to my legs after some pretty intense squats haha, at least that is what my massage therapist said. And I did some reflection on my screen time, which I posted above. While making dinner, my middle kid (who is 3yo) pulled up a stool next to me while I was moving the pasta for dinner off the hot element of the stovetop. I was in the middle of draining the pasta and warned him multiple times to not touch the stove top... of course he did it anyways, because he is 3yo. Once he did I promptly put his hand in cold running water, then my wife helped by getting some medicine to ease the pain and to put on the wounds. Normally I would've gotten mad and blamed my wife for not being around. Which would've been immature and hyper-dependent of me. But I'm glad to say I didn't do that. I recognized that she was busy with my other 2 kids. And I also recognized what I could've done to prevent that; instead of continuing to drain the pasta, I could put it down and move him away from the stove. So it is a learning experience for me, my wife and I talked together about this as well and overall I came feeling like I grew out of that experience. All this to say, I think the 7 Habits book is already having a small impact on me. I am going to keep working on being a better listener, reflecting on myself and challenging my perspectives. Only by changing the way I see the world can I truly grow as a person.

The 7mo baby gets limited tech exposure; viewing pictures or video calls while one of us is also doing that. Sometimes he'll also watch a show his older brothers are watching on the TV (like Bluey), but it's never for more than a few min. Throughout the day, I will use my standing desk while he is in the carrier with me, but I put him facing me, so he can't see the screens. I will do that in 30min intervals, more-so to not injure my back. Also when I work, I'm also talking out loud as I do things, so he gets to also hear my voice + my thought process. The 3 and 4yo get 1 hour screen-time on weekdays, 2 hours of screen-time on weekends. For the weekends, I get them outside in the mornings first-thing before they start with screens, usually with a trip to the park; outside time first, then inside time, basically is the idea. We try to co-watch or co-play whenever possible too, because that turns an isolated screen experience into family time; so they won't associate it as an activity they can use to escape us when they are older, is our thought process. For shows and games, I agree to hold off until 2yo personally, that's what we did as well with all our kids. We have screen time limits set on the devices they use. Both of them actually got quite upset the first few months when the timers went off; but now, they are used to them. So it is worth putting up with those first tantrums when that happens. They know now that once the timer goes off, whether it's the iPad or the Switch, it means it's time to take a break. Habits I wish I would've formed when I was their age too... instead I had to learn them as an adult, still learning them now for myself.