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Detox day 53." Zombie morning." Day 1 of waking up and going to bed more regularly. I'm so happy my SO is doing it too because I'm not sure I could do this if I were to have to rely on solely my own self-discipline. Holy shit do I feel like a mangy rag right now. I got contacted by the Starterslab people. We're starting it all up using video chat on the 21st. So I'll officially be able to invoice and stuff in about a week or two. I'll start sending messages today about work and offers and all that jazz. I feel like I'll finally be able to get shit started again ^^ My toe hurts. I think a nail is growing in again. Tantalizing. I want to remove it but I'm afraid I'd make it worse. And I can't go out and get a pedicure at times like these... I'll try to do it myself then... On the bright side, the entire apartment is fucking spotless. Together with clearing out the bedroom, we've now cleared the kitchen cupboards, removed spoiled foodstuffs, rearranged everything, ... We are on fire!   Recent highlight: Being able to rely on my SO helping me, checking up on me and supporting me during my sleep issues stuff. Budget status: Our internet limit is getting challenged during quarantine. Meaning I have to pay attention to how much I download, surf, etc... UGH. Gone are the days of frivolous browsing. My one goal for the next 24h: Tire myself out so I can go to sleep at 11.   Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Haven't started yet, but I'm sure I will. I'm still just a bit groggy. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it in a sec. -No daydrinking at home alone - I had some Scotch while playing chess with my buddy over Skype last night. It felt very noir. -Meditation - Mentally I'm quite okay. Though I miss the park. -Exercise once this week - I can't believe I keep postponing this...

Maybe it'd be healthier for me to only play in real life. But then it'd be hard to practice, though. And especially hard to play chess during quarantine...

I don't really feel the same way though. I can start and stop it with no issues, unless I'm actually playing a game. Then I really want to finish because I want to win and progress up the bar. I don't have urges to play it all day because it really needs full attention and mental focus. You can't do it to relax, in a sense, because it's hard if you want to do it right. But I do agree with you that it's risky... I'm a little bit apprehensive of it but also don't want to quit just yet. Thanks for the warning, though. I agree with you. Yeah, totally! We even had people in the chat help determine our course of action. "Do we go left or right?" Stuff like that is loads of fun.

hey my friend. Let me just tell you something: Don't be so hard on yourself. I am also not good in writing a journal every day. So actually, I don't do it. I just write in my journal, whenever I feel like it. For some people, it is very beneficial to collect their thoughts and what there observations of their behavior on a daily basis, for other people like you and me and can easily become hard work. Doesn't mean that you and I are weak. Also regarding relapses, many people also thing that they are a sign of weakness in the sense that we were to weak to resist our urges. This is also not true. I say that relapses are part of the process, they are INEVITABLE. I think therefore I have this unpopular belief that counting your days is a waste of energy. Especially resetting the counter everyday. Why does a relapse mean that you have to stop counting and start over? I think you might as well just continue, where you left. Those relapses are a thing, where you can learn something: Why did you relapse? What need is not fulfilled? Maybe something, you initially thought is working turned out to be a bad idea. Whatever it is, relapses are very important in that sense. Turn them into your friends. 🙂 So true. I have been following athlean X for months. Jeff really knows his shit. I am lucky enough to have dumbbells etc. at home, but I sometimes use his insights as well.

Well... I really suck at this. Never thought that writing a simple journal would be this hard. I once again found myself relapsing again, pretty much watched  10h of youtube and played a lot of dumb mobile games all day for the last 3 days. It is almost always the same pattern when I relapse. At first I‘m game-free and really motivated for about 2 days. Then it feels like I have used all my energy and I have no motivation at all. I end up staring at a wall for half a day and then watch a youtube video. Well and then i can‘t stop watching and the next three days consist of excessive watching youtube / gaming until I feel like complete shit and I decide to change again. So everything repeats itself at this point. The covid-19 pandemic doesn‘t really make this easier too. In the future I want to continue this journal and be honest even when I feel completly wasted. So today is going to be Day 1 and I hope this time it’s really the last time I’ll have to write Day 1. My plans for the day are:  -Working out ( The only thing that gives me motivation right now - I can really recommend trying out the workout plan from athlean-X during this pandemic to stay fit) -Study economics / math  -Go outside for atleast 1h.