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Hey Cozy, I didn't quote it, but the idea of knowing already you'll simply revisit your sleep requirement next year struck me. How do we make every second count without our eyes clued to a digital (I assume) timer on a watch or overhead board? - Not to mention alarms. Maybe my default mode is actually trying to get lost in the feeling of making good time, like at the gym today (I could only see the time/TV screens with difficulty). After my forced psychological investigations started in 2013, I've mainly only been interested in felt productive energies to reassure that I'm not just galavanting around as a false self, to put it one way. Counting down from 3 until the school bell rang with my watch in sync with office time is over (bells at college? Heh), but should people like me replace it and become task masters again where possible? I also have less interest in accidentally rivalling my dad's similar abilities (when I was more driven, he once dictated when to flip meat on the barbecue right on the minute, almost beating away my appetite). I'm better at my current niche in the family. Beware skill territoriality! I do say all of this with some end in mind. My solace as a young kid used to be only music, and pausing it on the second/minute to evaluate random thoughts that came up - alone timey stuff - and then checked on my family. As for what we want people to say for us, unless it's some kind of madly inspiring story for me, my moments are largely my own and I think I wouldn't mind much. "He didn't give in to the devil!", or something, Idk. lol I mainly want to practice humble/amusing expression on our little rock here. 😛 

Limited efficiency. Having cancelled bad habits, started reformatting to something better, I feel a certain loss and a deceitful notion that the gains can only be very limited. I call BS on that.  

Mon 10.21 (part 2) 30 day proactivity test - day 5 So my commitment was to keep reading Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind. I like one of the metaphors which Covey used with a ladder, saying that "it is possible to keep climbing a very long ladder, only to get to the top and find that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall." The argument here is that chasing success and victories isn't always worth it; some victories are empty (like achievements from video games), and some successes coming at the expense of far more valuable things (like putting work over family and friendships). That is why he started with the funeral exercise. What we do every day should get us closer to what we wanted those people to say of us. Brilliant and insightful, and really helped me understand this better. Reflecting again on Mohammad's question earlier, this is also why journaling matters so much to me. I know I could journal privately, but it helps me to post here too because of the accountability. That is also why I don't mind spending a good chunk of time writing and typing. Another metaphor I really liked from the book: The carpenters rule is "Measure twice, cut once." You want to make sure that the blueprint, ... is really what you want, that you've thought everything through." He uses this metaphor to illustrate how a house is built; that before it is even built, it is a concept. Covey argues that we too, can be thought of that way; first we have to visualize where we want to eventually go (our blueprint of what kind of person we would like to be), and only after that can we start walking and taking steps towards achieving that vision of ourselves. We refer to that blueprint every day. Otherwise, the house built will require very expensive changes later; and similarly, if we keep taking the steps in the wrong direction, it will only get us to the wrong destination. He uses this metaphor of the house to introduce the concept of a Mission Statement, which is basically a blueprint of what we want to be for ourselves. I'm going to put the book down now though, and go to bed; almost 10pm. My commitment tomorrow is the same as last one; I will continue reading Habit 2. I imagine that I'll be writing a Mission Statement for myself too, so probably tomorrow I'll work on that. I have a whiteboard at home actually, so I'll probably use that. Aww yeah, it's always tough when babies get shots. Mine also woke up throughout the night after his shot. We've been giving him infant medicine for teething as well, that has been helping with staying on track with sleep each night (mostly...) My wife and I are trying to have a 4th child as well. That will be the last one for sure. So next year (we're hoping) I'll probably revisit my "sleep ~8h" goal haha

22nd October - Clear Day 11 Afternoon: I once or twice typed here the phrase 'poverty of the soul'. It came from Dalrymple's 'Life at the Bottom', at the end of page 143 of the chapter, 'What is Poverty?' I've met a lot of people to remember things by, including the gaming buddy who recommended the book. I sometimes say to peers that "I tend not to worry about good people" (because their souls appear healthy, right 😄). Mostly I worry about whether my buddy is winning the battles he may or may not be embarking on today, as he sort of began with me and this book (among others). -> Why I mention soul poverty is because, very simply for me, it means occasionally not knowing if/when the next productive action should take place. I try to line them up, you see! Take cleaning my new room for example; it's not as simple as the literal top-down approach I used to go for at work in a kitchen: 1) Wipe major chunks to the floor, 2) Sweep up major chunks, 3) Wet scrub surfaces, 4) Dry wipe surfaces with clean towel, 5) Final sweep and mop (never really ended up having mopping duty, whoever's call that was). Inside at home, there are so many things almost entirely managed by me, with valued uses, that it's hard to enter a 'once-over for everything' mode. Granted, I've not made a list yet. Finally, soul poverty may or may not have me fretting over having to put an objective, strenuous effort into cleaning what has largely been a 'comfort space'. I used to clean or re-order other people's kitchens when I was bored, as I was invited between their places and mine. If it weren't for the need (maybe one day a week, to be 'real') to have a comfort space for typing sincerely like this, I could happily burn myself out and crash on a semi-soft surface, do it all again, and not find myself worrying for my soul. My buddy may or may not have needed conflict or to have debates constantly to remind him to fight this (universal in 'developed' places?) problem, but recently, my choices have included to grind hard (difficult when taking and allowing medication to do its thing) or be drawn, lost, into debates that only loosely concern me, believing I am a person of amazing reason. 😛 That's all for now. _____________ Yesterday night: I dreamt that my family cared for 5 or more different breeds of dogs. There are some pretty sound reasons for having this dream. Anyway, there was a dinner on with the group and we ordered food until there were portions definitely going to be uneaten. I made the decision to leave soon after some dessert - back in the day, I would have obsessively stayed and 'looked after' everybody until everyone knew how they were getting home. However, I'm a junior and not quite local, and I participated well enough throughout the night. I also got a basically good talk out of (I say 'out of' because surprise, I'm the seemingly more comfortable one with babbling in person) the group-mate who I bluntly asked if we could text less. I don't know how I could have handled myself and the situation differently these last few weeks - frustration hampers imaginative problem solving, right? - but I knew I was getting further frustrated by what I perceived as false-confident floundering in our shared chats. I had to say something when we finally had time. I'm sorry; that is the confession. ____________ Anyway, here it's Tuesday morning and I barely overslept (12-9am), again despite losing natural track of time and thinking it was going to be 11. I've dodged a couple of self-laid emotional traps, and have a moderate workout planned.  Also yesterday, I mostly fixed up my entrance credentials to maybe study again next year. It's all a bit confusing, because even without gaming, I still need improvement - and yet, I hate to see people left behind. People tell me not to pressure myself, but I rarely pick up on sincerity behind it as though it wasn't really meant.  ^-> To me, study areas seem a simple choice; computer or health science (where have I spent the most time)? I consider how much fun joking over physical efforts is, or how competent it feels to know exactly what and why we're tapping our keyboards and mice for. I would have considered my old study area (business), but that sort of ended up with me in a mess. But then as well, I may get my medication changed just before the new study year, and don't want to accidentally wind up overwhelmed again. This sort of issue is partly what makes me fill/pass time with games. Will check in later. It was nice to see some recent posts! Matt

I got my son shots on Friday and it ruined his sleep routine lol. We got maybe 2 hours of sleep that night but the next day he caught up and now we're good again.