Forums

There's something about the constant stimulation of phones, social media, and gaming, that causes everything else to feel less fun. Once you make the conscious effort to avoid them, you start seeing the beauty in everything life has to offer, and it really changes your mindset. I've noticed it can take longer than the 90 days, but once you eventually start making that shift it's magical. Being present is one of the greatest superpowers you can have.

Yeah, there's a lot more interaction already than I expected!  Busy weekends are the best weekends! What do you tutor?  Sounds like you've got a great weekend ahead of you! What kind of animation do you do, if you don't mind me asking? Sounds super interesting! Soooo many possibilities, haha! I love that attitude 😄 Keep it up! Well, Calgary looks like one of the most beautiful cities I've seen *adds to travel list* Hope house hunting goes well for you! I've been spending a lot of time doing it recently, it's a painful process haha. Sounds like a great weekend for recovering and resting. Hope everything goes smoothly! Damn, so much running! It's great that you enjoy it so much 😄 Do you ever do any races? "Take this quiz to find out if you suffer from a running addiction" 🤣

Day 113. Had a few tough days during the week, but the sun is up now. I am feeling positive, and it's not the first day of course, so I thought why not write down some positive things?  If I hadn't given up on gaming I wouldn't have known so many things about myself. I would not be in reality, I would still be in a limbo, life passing me by. I hadn't addressed some personal issues all these years because I pushed them under the rug as I gamed. I didn't know that I was under stress, but I was, I was afraid of things and games helped me hide in my house away from phobias. This only made the phobias stronger, as the more you don't face your fears the more you're telling yourself they are a real threat. I'm not going into detail about these things, they're personal to me and vulnerable. I'm actively working on this, trying to see things objectively, trying to accept and love myself.  For the most part I've forgiven? myself? I am not sure if I've forgiven myself, but there's no active guilt and regret in my mind any longer. Compared to other people my age, I'm behind professionally, I see the people in college who are younger than me and I know that when I was their age I couldn't focus on studying. But there are at least positives in being older than others in class, I'm not hesitant like I used to be, I care less about fitting in and I can pay attention to the material rather than chit chat with friends like I used to. I also am looking at college like a resource and I see the professors for what they are, people with years of experience that I can benefit from. I wasn't mature or grounded enough to see them like this when I was younger. I'm also now capable of telling whether something is in my interests or not, some classes do interest me, others not so much. I am finding a new social self. People appreciating my efforts really motivates me to work more, that's the reason I was doing so well in school before college. The professors were mostly approachable and appreciative of my efforts, whereas in college I got a metaphorical slap on the face by how little most professors cared about us students and how they disrespected us. I wasn't ready for that experience and it surely contributed to my repulsion and avoidance of college. Things have changed now, and I'm also more thick skinned myself, but I've found some good people in the professors. To go back to the social thing, I'm finding it gradually easier to talk to other students- I know these are things natural to people, talking and such, but for me it's like I need to relearn some of it.  I walk a lot nowadays, I get out of the house a lot and I prefer it this way. Home is bound to awake bad eating habits in me, so being in college and working not at home has helped me greatly with the weight loss. I'm lighter than I've been in the last three to four years, and I'm continuing, I've completed 40% of my weight loss journey so far. Rediscovering the self and keeping my ears open to my inner voice is an interesting process. It's like trial and error, if it works I'm already one step further than yesterday and if it doesn't I'm just in the same point in my path. I'm trying new approaches, reconsidering everyday choices and just evaluating mostly everything that I don't feel certain is done in a me way. I don't want to rely on my loved ones for solutions, for decisions, etc, I want to stand on my own two feet and I want to stand by my beliefs. What are these? Not all are clear to me, not all my desires are known to me yet, but I'm doing my best to be open to myself and not constrain myself to a gamer identity any longer. Just cause I haven't gone exploring new locations all these years doesn't mean I'd not enjoy it in example. I'm in this process of discovery and recalibration, sometimes it's scary and some other times it's exciting. Suits my near-cyclothymic self fine. I'm also revisiting my strengths and flaws, trying to lessen my prejudices, my oversensitive nature and other weak points.  

Day 84 (42|42) (23/03/19) Saturday Stayed at home today. I was wanting to get a lot of studies done but ended up spending most of my time on youtube 😞 feelsbadman. My cough is getting better though 👍

It's been quite some time since I have been back on the forums! About eight weeks to be exact I think. It have been keeping myself moving and progressing with life - I hate the word busy after watching a TED talk on it being "the biggest excuse in the English language." It's so true though. Several people I have spoken to at work when they complain they are busy and can't achieve everything, I ask them, "what time did you get up in the morning?" or "how many hours did you sit in front of the TV today?" The answer mostly is along the lines of a) twenty minutes before work after hitting the snooze button three times, and b) 'only' 3 hours. When I hear someone say "I'm too busy right now", my brain instantly translates that to "This is not a priority for me." That's cool, we can't prioritise everything in life, in fact we need to choose when and where to be bad at something in order to focus on our priorities (eg I choose to be bad at sports so I can prioritise running, or I choose to be bad at social conversation about news or TV shows so I can prioritise my family), we need the awareness to accept that instead of simply complaining, which is the path of least resistance (and therefore most chosen). Going to work hard on rebuilding a routine of coming back onto the forums for at least 30 minutes a day, I found that when I was reading over journals and engaging in discussion here, it was when my personal development was at its highest. It hasn't been non-existent while I have been away, but has definitely slowed. It makes it a bit difficult when the "peer" group of posters/quitters that were around during my detox have all disappeared/moved on. I hope they are all doing well. I have brought my Marathon count up to 15 now. I am loving these virtual medals, it really encourages me to push through the pain barrier and bonking. If anyone is after a great motivation tool, you can find them here at http://www.virtualrunner.com.au.