Ikar

Huh, it really seems odd. I think wrote something different, maybe the forum is bugging out a little or maybe I'm just being stupid. I meant to write it was good advice 😄

Everyone has hardships. Do not allow this to become your excuse. It's okay not to know how to be independent and lose the phone less. That's why we're all here for. But my advice is not to stop at this. My advice is to not say "I do not know how", but to ask "how may I do that?" Because that is indeed an obstacle to your real goals, the "reality avoiding activities" like gaming, social media, movies, etc. I can relate, perhaps I was in the same position a few years ago. Once I quit my toxic relationship with games, I suddenly noticed all the other toxic relationships I was in. School and family weren't exactly helpful at the time when I was gaming either. You actually already figured out what to do - to find a job. It'll help you gain more independence from your parents, because then you can choose not to be at home with them. Maybe some welfare housing benefits could help out too. Maybe the new job and the new flat will suck, but it will at least give you some perspective and help you realize you don't have to live with your parents forever. Good luck and let us know!

I'm using the template I used the last time. 27/5/25 - 30/6/25 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period. Books/Reading articles/Learning: L: I didn't finish "The Selfish Gene", as it just didn't interest me enough. I started "Parkinson's laws", a small and funny book. Read on Reddit about finance and English teaching again. T: Finished Parkinson's book and started "Getting to Yes", a book about negotiation rules and techniques. Read on Reddit about finance and English teaching again. Possible direction/goals: (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report. Family: L: As I wrote last time, the kitchen is indeed 95% finished. My plan is to go there with my friend on Saturday and to finish the rests of work. I wrote about the all-family experience above on April 16, but there's one more thing that came to my mind: I've always perceived my father to be extremely independent, micro-managing but competent. I think with age however, he is becoming more irritable, perhaps rash, and less competent. He assembled the car vacuum cleaner for my girlfriend and I, just so we won't do it wrong. OK, fair, but when he was disassembling it again after a while, he loudly asked who pushed the hose so hard into the cleaner. My girlfriend and I chuckled 😄 T: We had two work sessions with my friend this month. I expect one more, but it'll really be the last cleanup session. I'd like to say that I am happy, relieved or in general something positive, but nothing really comes to mind. I'm just numb in this regard. Other than that, I only spent time with my mom during her spa stay. NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family. Possible direction/goals: Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma. Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Business/English: L: So I've successfully completed the lecturer course. Now I only have to use all this knowledge and skills in practice! I definitely have many ideas for the future. I finished the rework of the table for students, now I only need to let them know 😄 The work is still ongoing on some pricing changes, as well as on my website. T: The work is still ongoing on some pricing changes, as well as on my website - pretty much the same. I also have a lot of my students on holidays, but I don't mind, as I can use the time for other projects. I haven't been bored so far and I'm catching up on other things. NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid. Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered. Current projects I'm working on: Website improvement project - since August 2024 lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025 55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates Areas to work on continually: English table update - check every now and then for improvements Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week. Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students. CELTA colleagues calls. Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course. Exercise/Movement/Health: L: I haven't stretched in a while, but I still keep on doing some running and some strength exercises. I even bought weights. My girlfriend and I went to some hiking and cycling trips too. I've been lazy about flossing though. Went to my GP yesterday, showed him the cardiology results and my blood pressure measurements. I also realized I often get headaches 1-2 days after a day of heavy physical activity. I need to be more mindful of relaxing properly afterwards, alongside with drinking and eating well. T: Overall, I managed to exercise in various ways 2x-3x per week this month. I also took part in two running races this month. I'm quite happy with the results, even though I was a bit slower on the 4 km this year 😄 2024: 4 km - 18:40 8 km - 45:17 2025: 4 km - 18:44 8 km - 42:00 NOT: I don't want to become fat. Possible direction/goals: Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes. Social + personal hobbies + free time: L: Attended the book festival, watched some films, talks and conferences with my girlfriend. I also attended some board-game evenings, FIRE meetings. Played table football, billiard and a pub quiz too. Watched the hockey championship. T: Went to a few pub quizzes, went to the VR shooter with my friends, managed my finances well, won a table football tournament, went to the theater. Spent time with my girlfriend shopping, hiking, watching series and going to trips. --- For thought: Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping. No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless. --- Plans for 2025 (check each month and color - red, orange, green): Family: I don't have any specific plans for my family, besides finishing my grandma's kitchen. I also don't have any plans of starting my own, although I've always said I'm ready after finishing the uni. The main thing for the success of that would be to manage time and money correctly. Career: The last year was successful business-wise. I got the confirmation for the new lecturer course running from February to May. The main goal is to get the website finished, so I want to actively cooperate with the other freelancers. I'm not going to set any arbitrary goals, except keeping my lesson work-hours around 20-25, and to managing the other admin stuff (preparation, mails, trainings) in another 10 hours. That makes the total of 30-35 hours worked a week. Friends, community: I am part of more friend groups and communities. I don't have any big plans in mind regarding this area of my life. I expect to naturally drift towards more libertarian, financially educated and entrepreneurial/self-employed communities. I find the most inspiring people there. Relaxation, hobbies, creativity: I intend on continuing the hobbies I currently do, including writing, working out or going to the shooting range. I also want to remain curious about things and keep on traveling to break out of the cycle to unwind completely sometimes. Maybe I'll get around to blogging again. I think the line between work and relaxation is blurry for me. Physical health, fitness: Again working out (and stretching) and flossing. I think my diet is OK. I might start tracking some indicators of body fitness, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. Mental health, self-knowledge: Avoid overwork and burnout. Keep hours on roughly 20 lessons + 10 hours of ancillary work a week. Keep on doing things that feel right. Keep on planning/marking down things in my calendar. --- Habits for 2025 (check each month and color - red, orange, green): Habits that define you: family - keep in touch with my family at least once a month girlfriend - make time to talk every day and keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities career - work on my education continually, learning something new every week, even in unstructured ways; sources: CELTA, meeting other English lecturers/teachers, reading on their websites, lecturer course coming up in February, working on the business side of my work friends/community habits - meet with my best friend a few times a month, meet with my friend groups a few times a month too relaxation, hobbies, creativity habits - shooting range, writing, traveling, blogging, reading, being curious fitness habits - stretch every day, work out/run twice a week; floss daily mental health habits - keep my hobbies, work and other activities in balance, try new things every now and then a better tomorrow habits - provide great added value back for the money of my students ---

If it's any consolation, I can't read fiction either. I need something packed with useful or at least interesting information, that I could use in reality 😄 It's OK to not have that ONE thing to hyperfocus on. In fact, it's the normal state of affairs for most people. They have their work, family, friends, girlfriends, hobbies... I think "investing" time into a few "tried and proven" areas common for everybody, plus a few personal hobbies/work, is best. That said, driving is indeed nice. It gives you a lot of independence. I wasn't even 18 when I started practicing driving, just to get the license at the time I turned 18. It can give you something to focus on daily for an hour or two, either by direct practice or doing the theoretical tests and preparation 🙂 Sounds good! It's important to manage expectations from both sides. I'm happy you managed to talk it over with your boss in a reasonable way afterwards.

17 June - 30 June: These are the activities I did in no particular order: reading "Getting to Yes", finishing Black Mirror with my girlfriend, taking the car to the mechanic, exercising and going for a running race last weekend, visiting my girlfriend's family and mine, going for a trip to the mountains, cycling, working on my grandma's kitchen with my friend (finished), playing (and winning) our local table football tournament with the same friend, working on the new website. - I've been a bit stressed the past few days, mainly due to the work around the kitchen, the problems around our car and some misunderstandings. I feel better today though. The summer season also means I will have more time for myself and my personal projects.

8 June - 16 June: I helped my girlfriend with buying some dresses, as she hates shopping for clothes. We also cycled, went for a hike and a trip. Went to the theater with my girlfriend and a few other friends. I did on my monthly financial report. I also have to plan my finances into the future, as the situation when I was more or less at net zero for a year or two has passed. Been busy working on the website. I also did a lot of cooking the past week. Went for lunch with my mom and read financial and English reddits today.

Oh wow, this is 100% my first relationship and my first girlfriend. It went down the same for me. Anyway, we're way past this type of relationship, but I wonder how these relationship patterns - either from parents, family or elsewhere - took hold in us. I was wondering why I made this selection of quotes earlier, but I see some patterns how: 1) It might seem like a funny thing to say, but you in the end did have five relationships 😄 2) All of your girlfriends were correct in telling you that "something was off" in their own unique ways. Having a balanced life is very important for a long-term relationship. 3) All this experience will help your future relationships with other girlfriends, but also your relationship with you. It's OK to admit past faults, but don't be too hard on yourself. You were together for a reason. If you gave it your sincere best shot at the time, that's all that matters. Hopefully all of them learnt something from you too 🙂

3 June - 7 June: Started reading "Getting to Yes" a negotiation book. Went to the pub quiz with friends on Wednesday. Sent out the questionnaire for students. Worked out with my girlfriend Friday. Went the the VR zombie shooter with friends too. Played Scrabble with my girlfriend yesterday, on top of reading fin/ENG reddits.

27 May - 3 June: I wrote my monthly report, finished the book by Parkinson and read on fin/Eng reddits. I did almost no exercise, as I felt very weak after my tetanus shot on Monday, except a charity run on Sunday. We also visited my girlfriend's family that day, as her mom had birthday. On Saturday, we did most of the remaining work at my grandma's kitchen, so it's now fully operational. I expect one or two more visits for the finishing touches and a cleanup. I had a meeting about my new website yesterday. Plans for the next few days: Work on a few tasks regarding the website and finish the rework of my questionnaire for students.

I'm using the template I used the last time. 16/3/25 - 27/5/25 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period. Books/Reading articles/Learning: L: Reading the new book by Dawkins called "The Selfish Gene". I'm about halfway through. Read on Reddit about finance and English teaching again. T: I didn't finish "The Selfish Gene", as it just didn't interest me enough. I started "Parkinson's laws", a small and funny book. Possible direction/goals: (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report. Family: L: Had some family visits. Also went to watch hockey with my parents and a family friend. Made two kitchen-related trips to my grandma with my friend. I had a small incident with my grandma yesterday. We talked for about five minutes over phone. She was worried about... my brother envying me an 8€ banknote that she gave me at the weekend. In front of the whole family, as my girlfriend rightfully pointed out. She said she was afraid he wouldn't talk to her anymore, so she asked me to write him. He said that he might consider not talking to her indeed, after she thought he might envy me an 8€ note (which I frankly think he didn't even remember, as our grandma gives us stuff regularly) 🙂 In relation, my brother told me a similar story about her thinking that our mother is an alcoholic. I also just remembered the time my grandma was low-key saying that she probably won't live much longer. I think it's a mix of fear of abandonment, overthinking and creating doom and gloom scenarios and being paranoid. I guess insanity can take many forms. From now on, I'll try to be more receptive towards my mom and take grandma's opinions for what they are; opinions. Nothing new, except we found out yesterday that the dimensions in the kitchen don't add up by a few centimeters, so we couldn't stick to the original plan. I guess there's always April... T: As I wrote above, the kitchen is indeed 95% finished. My plan is to go there with my friend on Saturday and to finish the rests of work. I wrote about the all-family experience above on April 16, but there's one more thing that came to my mind: I've always perceived my father to be extremely independent, micro-managing but competent. I think with age however, he is becoming more irritable, perhaps rash, and less competent. He assembled the car vacuum cleaner for my girlfriend and I, just so we won't do it wrong. OK, fair, but when he was disassembling it again after a while, he loudly asked who pushed the hose so hard into the cleaner. My girlfriend and I chuckled 😄 NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family. Possible direction/goals: Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma. Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Business/English: L: The first part of the course was engaging and interesting. The reworked online table is pretty much finished now. Pricing is worked out for now too. Worked on the website and I'm currently looking for someone to do front-end for me, perhaps along with SEO and marketing. T: So I've successfully completed the lecturer course. Now I only have to use all this knowledge and skills in practice! I definitely have many ideas for the future. I finished the rework of the table for students, now I only need to let them know 😄 The work is still ongoing on some pricing changes, as well as on my website. NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid. Past projects: Copied to a Google Doc to keep this less cluttered. Current projects I'm working on: Website improvement project - since August 2024 English table update - since December 2024 lecturer trainings - ENG business February-May 2025 55 minutes F2F lessons (+ online reminder too); pricing updates Areas to work on continually: Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week. Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students. CELTA colleagues calls. Go through "lecturer academy" + CELTA materials + lecturer course. Exercise/Movement/Health: L: These days, I normally manage 1-2x exercise sessions (or runs) and 1-2x stretching sessions a week. All that along with some hikes at the weekend and regular walks once or twice a day. I had the last cardiology check at the end of January. As for health, I also started flossing more regularly. Did some heavier (lifting/cardio) exercise twice a week for the last month, on top of walks and yoga/stretching. The headaches haven't stopped; however it might be because of the altitude changes, so I'll test it the next time we'll go hiking. Perhaps biking is gonna be a better activity for me. I might go to the neurologist to check up on me. Flossing as usual. What I do enjoy is going to the sauna; and then to submerge in the cold water, it's fun 😄 T: I haven't stretched in a while, but I still keep on doing some running and some strength exercises. I even bought weights. My girlfriend and I went to some hiking and cycling trips too. I've been lazy about flossing though. Went to my GP yesterday, showed him the cardiology results and my blood pressure measurements. I also realized I often get headaches 1-2 days after a day of heavy physical activity. I need to be more mindful of relaxing properly afterwards, alongside with drinking and eating well. NOT: I don't want to become fat. Possible direction/goals: Keep in shape by exercising at least twice a week for 30-60 minutes. Social + personal hobbies + free time: L: I did these cool activities: having a board-game night with friends, visiting my girlfriend's family, reading about finance, reading about English, attending a FIRE meeting, meeting with friends, going to the shooting range, going to the sauna, going biking, going to an improvisation show. T: Attended the book festival, watched some films, talks and conferences with my girlfriend. I also attended some board-game evenings, FIRE meetings. Played table football, billiard and a pub quiz too. Watched the hockey championship. --- For thought: Maybe I should just learn to plan better, though just the thought of having some hours of my day scheduled makes me cringe. Oddly enough, I don't get this feeling while planning lessons of my students, normally in bigger blocks. Maybe I should rethink that belief to make me happier. I've had this recurring thought every now and then that I am often somehow prevented from what I want to do in my free time; basically whenever I am not with students or sleeping. No, I just need to stop reading and learning all the time and start doing things. Imperfect action yields results. Information alone is useless. --- Plans for 2025 (check each month and color - red, orange, green): Family: I don't have any specific plans for my family, besides finishing my grandma's kitchen. I also don't have any plans of starting my own, although I've always said I'm ready after finishing the uni. The main thing for the success of that would be to manage time and money correctly. Career: The last year was successful business-wise. I got the confirmation for the new lecturer course running from February to May. The main goal is to get the website finished, so I want to actively cooperate with the other freelancers. I'm not going to set any arbitrary goals, except keeping my lesson work-hours around 20-25, and to managing the other admin stuff (preparation, mails, trainings) in another 10 hours. That makes the total of 30-35 hours worked a week. Friends, community: I am part of more friend groups and communities. I don't have any big plans in mind regarding this area of my life. I expect to naturally drift towards more libertarian, financially educated and entrepreneurial/self-employed communities. I find the most inspiring people there. Relaxation, hobbies, creativity: I intend on continuing the hobbies I currently do, including writing, working out or going to the shooting range. I also want to remain curious about things and keep on traveling to break out of the cycle to unwind completely sometimes. Maybe I'll get around to blogging again. I think the line between work and relaxation is blurry for me. Physical health, fitness: Again working out (and stretching) and flossing. I think my diet is OK. I might start tracking some indicators of body fitness, but I don't think I'm quite there yet. Mental health, self-knowledge: Avoid overwork and burnout. Keep hours on roughly 20 lessons + 10 hours of ancillary work a week. Keep on doing things that feel right. Keep on planning/marking down things in my calendar. Habits that define you: family - keep in touch with my family at least once a month girlfriend - make time to talk every day and keep on working on strengthening our relationship via common activities career - work on my education continually, learning something new every week, even in unstructured ways; sources: CELTA, meeting other English lecturers/teachers, reading on their websites, lecturer course coming up in February, working on the business side of my work friends/community habits - meet with my best friend a few times a month, meet with my friend groups a few times a month too relaxation, hobbies, creativity habits - shooting range, writing, traveling, blogging, reading, being curious fitness habits - stretch every day, work out/run twice a week; floss daily mental health habits - keep my hobbies, work and other activities in balance, try new things every now and then a better tomorrow habits - provide great added value back for the money of my students ---

16 May - 25 May: So I've successfully completed the lecturer course. Now I only have to use all this knowledge and skills in practice! I had a few social activities - a FIRE meeting, a family meeting with my parents and my girlfriend's family and a pub quiz. I've spent a lot of time watching the hockey championship, but now that's over, so I will have to find other ways to keep me busy 😄 I also spent a lot of time exercising, running, biking or hiking, sometimes alone and sometimes with my girlfriend.

Adding to the post above to reflect better in the future: Worked on pricing, played table football tournament with my friend, been busy with the lecturer course, worked out, played billiard with my girlfriend.

22 Apr - 15 May: I haven't been very active here recently, mainly because of multiple back-to-back holidays. Since Monday I've been busy with the usual stuff, including doing my homework for the lecturer course. I'm feeling somewhat restless about the exam next week, but I guess it will be fine. It's just draining me to not know how much time will my homework will take though. Anyway, I got some small chores done I've been postponing for weeks, so that's a win. My blood pressure is better also!

16 Apr - 21 Apr: The trip/holiday with my girlfriend was nice. We also visited the gym and watched Black Mirror. I also had the interview with @Marina 🙂

7 Apr - 15 Apr: I had the last two days of the lecturer course. One of the days, we had an activity to write something nice about the other attendees. I can say that was touching and not something I'm used to 😄 Stark contrast to that was the Saturday with my father and brother in the grandma's kitchen. It was needlessly emotional and exhausting. I'm happy to say that really 95% of the work is done, the new kitchen is operational and that there are just a few things left to be done, something I can do with my friend. I at least had a nice trip with my girlfriend on Sunday to recover. The next few weeks are going to be shorter because of two holidays my girlfriend and I planned. Looking forward to those.