Week 0, Day 1
Projects:
Simulating Platform
Miscellaneous accomplishments:
None
Summary of Day 1
Hey all posting after few years will be off but here we go...
As you might expect me posting after2,5 year.... i relapsed soon after my last post . At that time I somehow convinced myself I'm ok and this whole being addicted bulshit doesn't pertain to me, as I can control it . So I went all and bought PS5... with battlefield V game . It was 08.2023. I don't want to tell the whole story as don't want to bore you. On the beginning in the first year or so it worked , I read books still, enjoyed life not just games , played occasionally.
Now in almost a year , I have some personal and marriage problems , also problems at work. I have huge motivational problems. And what I'm doing is I play whenever I have free time ( even at work) . I noticed I don't do anything really in my free time apart from gaming ...
What is worst I think is across these 2 and half years my addicted self secured the situation by telling my closest friends that I wasn't addicted and not sure why I labelled myself as such... ( only now to tell them again I was right) so I don't know how to tell them I had real problem seriously , they will think I'm unreliable person. Edit: I realized I don't own anyone any explanation. Ofc if they will ask I will tell them, IF they ask why I think I'm addicated I will also tell them, if they will still believe it is all good, well I'm not sure ...
I feel awful . I'm angry at myself and I want to cry .
I don't know how to handle it for now. All I know gaming again is screwing my life . Im thinking of selling PS5, relapsign woudl be hard as my new pc cannot be gamign machine at all
I just feel and my instinct tells me that, I loos e a lot bc of gaming, all my potential wasted now. I feel lik I live now with 15% avaialble efficencey and capacity.
I'm sorry for unsorted thoughts but I cannnot think about anything else than gaming now and wanted to do this entry as a last attempt to again save myself and reclaim the control of my life
Day one of not playing .
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