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Entry 31.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2767 (80th birthday) Day 197: No Useless Videos Day 1029: Sticking to Food schedule Day 632: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 10: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - Morning jog - Writing an email regarding the exam results - 4 Pomodoros 1 Thing I could do better - Plan for more time in schedule for food, because I already know it will take more than I write currently, if I do it the way I do it now, from there I may start experimenting Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 199

early Friday morning: day 0 It seems inevitable; an eventual personal rage in the face of sheer failure to listen, understand and accept my position, that would lead to my full, financially and emotionally-unsupported exposure to 'the real world'. Yes, there is probably negativity bias at work, and case-in-point, acknowledging that truth feels good - but the 'issue' of me 'staying where I am' (literally and figuratively) couldn't be left well-enough alone by my Dad at dinner. People don't seem to understand that (only my?) self-control applies to considering both positive and negative outcomes. And never mind 'the journey', which I don't want to have right now/have already had plenty of in the first third of my life.  Gaming deadens one part of me, while abstinence deadens another. After being through relatively a lot, I don't want to compromise any part of the whole. People respect/understand the whole (as long as I don't mention the long-held standards of living that I shift aside to remain so). I don't know what to do but to follow my own process. The last few night's dreams were very realistic and telling, for me. Old friends/acquaintances, new places and skills - things I'm told to want but only really wish to entertain as long as I'm in said company. Maybe it's stupid to say, but my Dad really acts as though he's constantly losing at a frustrating computer game, and his life-force depends on nothing slipping by him, AND eventually winning. Did I imitate this? One would at some point think that even the slightest self-awareness/knowledge of the effect of frustration, on attempts to maintain social cohesion, would lead to some introspection/reigning in, but.. maybe not. I should live my own life, and hold onto what I've learned. Gratitude: ~ The restaurant that 3 of us revisited outdid itself well (should leave a glowing review) ~ Coming here basically first-thing to follow the process (gratitude, and vent some) ~ ^ After some talking last night, I need to hash out a professional diet plan, most likely - some discomfort (and maybe a ton) may be linked to minor food intolerances ~ Again, it used to be a joke, but is now deadly serious. Loving, not fighting. Forget ASPD.

Food Schedule Update 31.7-14.8 (not including 14.8) Changes:a 1. 10 more grams of almonds - Because I keep increasing cardio exercise times 2. Broccoli 50g daily - Because the apartment mate who left, left it to me. Until it runs out (Excluding fast days) 3. 40 grams of dates to compensate for a reduction in calories because of quinoa and edamame reduction 4. 40 grams of dates to add more weight because I lost 1.05kg in my last weight measurement (51.6kg - 24th of July) 5. edamame reduced to 200 instead of 230 to bring Manganese down closer to the upper limit of 11mg 6. Quinoa reduced to 40g to bring Manganese down closer to the upper limit of 11mg 7. May eat 65g peas more on Sundays (Because I missed 1 65g in a meal since i didn't have it cooked and then cooked 130g meal more by accident) 8. Spread some 60 additional ml of olive oil across 4 days. Let's say Saturday and Thursdays have 15g because I reduced it one day when I was in a hurry and had to eat all three meals of the day very closely together *I may add additional changes 'till Saturday *Changes of things that need to be cooked (Broccoli,Dates,Edamame,Quinoa) are to be applied since the next cooking batch once the current cooked one runs out (I have no Broccoli cooked so it is to be applied starting tomorrow I guess, in case I only use one pot tomorrow  

Thursday midday, day 0: So I've had a good few sing-alongs to screen-clicking. I was able to put the game client on a bigger screen with the same detail as normal (a new 'renderer'). The first interaction I had was this morning, when someone told me right away how 'close to completion' my profile was, as if I didn't know from all the hours spent. I took my time over responding to that, and countered with, 'Do you have any 'solo' goals?' He was horribly specific (I said so, too), clearly locked/honed in on the objective, in theory. That's all the game has ever been - theory.  But you know, my best memories online and offline were as a 'free' player (no payments). The remaining guilt over not constantly (though minimally) 'supporting' the game-makers probably comes from my semi-independent money management after moving away from home. They're releasing a new major activity this year, after agreeing to it 2 years ago, and I'm 90% sure that I don't want to be 'on top' of it, even in the beginning. I simply want to continue to feel sane, and I recognise 'the high' that has only historically come for 1-3 days after a significant/intentional break from game-play. I was able to stay positive for an appointment today, but the two of us should have perhaps grounded ourselves more realistically, if I'm right that that's the case. As a second want - simply the acceptance and encouragement to give any beneficial offline activities a try. Again, there was nothing really wrong with the two jobs the person and I discussed - I wanted to feel listened to, and he wanted his own efforts to be recognised. Should I not just accept that that is the extent of our relationship? I think he does. Maybe because my 'free' gaming activities tended to involve a LOT of danger-zone exploration/PvP, my senses/worries have been heightened long-term. I know now that that's basically just a ticket to mania. It's not like I won't tell y'all if polishing away at game profiles isn't going to work - that is, unless 'no one cares' - but no one ever caught me using that one in a problem-scenario, I'm pretty sure. Want #3, community-maintenance. I don't know how many times I can successfully put a foot down on anything, but if it yields good results.. See you soon. ~ Matt

Entry 30.7 Weeks until average life expectancy: 2767 (80th birthday) Day 196: No Useless Videos Day 1028: Sticking to Food schedule Day 631: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 9: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well, no matter how small  - Afternoon-ish workout [Shoulders, Back, Stairs] - Mostly concentrated during the exam - 4 Pomodoros 1 Thing I could do better - Research more German studies options. Possibly italki Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 198