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  Respawning,,..,,again
  
  reader, 2 hours ago2 hr
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  reader, 4 hours ago4 hr
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Respawning,,..,,again

I have similar exepriecne with relapsing.... I wasn't playing fro 46 weeks. that was on late July 2023( also docuemtned in my journal here) . Then I somehow convinced myself that I can control gaming. So I went and bought PS5 with Battlefield V. Along the way I told my friends( actually its one friend and my wife) that this whole addiction to gaming is BS and im not addictive and I can control it. Which was true... for the first few months . I was sitll reading attending the gym, reading books, excelling at work. But the numbers don't lie: In 2022 I read 36 books, in 2023: 20, in 2024: 15 and in 2025: 7. Also I have marriage problems ( not bc of gaming) but I genuinely think if I did not play this much, I could proper focus to fix my marriage issues. At work I am on total burn out. Only looking to do my work to acceoptacne level(read poorly ) and quickly so I can play.. jsut one more game..
I also have my personal business idea ( Simulation platform). And I am not working on that with full commitment at all. IT's look like this: I do some tasks ( it's vibe programming) which takes like 10-15m to only give myslef reward: 2h playing.... I also regurarly attended gym, now I barely can make once per 2weeks. As in a free day, instead of going, I am choosing gaming and I am convincing myself that I deserve it as I am going through a lot of lately... and its been like that for almost a year.
Like I said on the beggining of when I decided to relapse( 2023) I thought it is working, I was playing 1h, than done some reading, hit the gym. But this all now soudns like a dream to me. I cannot imagine now just go for gym or reading... no chance when BF V is waiting for me....
My point is it is an illusion that you can control it, gaming drains my life now like never before. Today I decided to again start not playing. I plan to sell my PS5 and all games... This time I am not even telling my friends, there is no point. If they ask, I will tell them only its just not for me.
Keep it up @TheNewMe2.0 . I will be visiting you journal to give yopui support.

By reader · 2 hours ago2 hr
Journal - exBfPlayer

Week 0, Day 1
Projects:
Simulating Platform
Miscellaneous accomplishments:
None
Summary of Day 1

Hey all posting after few years will be off but here we go...
As you might expect me posting after2,5 year.... i relapsed soon after my last post . At that time I somehow convinced myself I'm ok and this whole being addicted bulshit doesn't pertain to me, as I can control it . So I went all and bought PS5... with battlefield V game . It was 08.2023. I don't want to tell the whole story as don't want to bore you. On the beginning in the first year or so it worked , I read books still, enjoyed life not just games , played occasionally.
Now in almost a year , I have some personal and marriage problems , also problems at work. I have huge motivational problems. And what I'm doing is I play whenever I have free time ( even at work) . I noticed I don't do anything really in my free time apart from gaming ...
What is worst I think is across these 2 and half years my addicted self secured the situation by telling my closest friends that I wasn't addicted and not sure why I labelled myself as such... ( only now to tell them again I was right) so I don't know how to tell them I had real problem seriously , they will think I'm unreliable person. Edit: I realized I don't own anyone any explanation. Ofc if they will ask I will tell them, IF they ask why I think I'm addicated I will also tell them, if they will still believe it is all good, well I'm not sure ...
I feel awful . I'm angry at myself and I want to cry .
I don't know how to handle it for now. All I know gaming again is screwing my life . Im thinking of selling PS5, relapsign woudl be hard as my new pc cannot be gamign machine at all
I just feel and my instinct tells me that, I loos e a lot bc of gaming, all my potential wasted now. I feel lik I live now with 15% avaialble efficencey and capacity.
I'm sorry for unsorted thoughts but I cannnot think about anything else than gaming now and wanted to do this entry as a last attempt to again save myself and reclaim the control of my life
Day one of not playing .

By reader · 4 hours ago4 hr
Restored journal

Day 5
Researching resistance cinema. Will have a 3 mile jog today.

By Amphibian220 · 8 hours ago8 hr
90 days (and beyond) StopGaming Journal

Day 101/180 GameQuitters/StopGaming
Quick one today as super busy, I did have a thought about SleepStreak: I can't ever see a time now where it will go back to being bad UNLESS a drink alcohol. That's the only time it will go bad. Any other time will just be because I'm out doing something that causes me to be home a bit later so I go to bed a bit later, but big deal as I'll be right back to correcting the sleep pattern the following days anyway, so the streak should be very easy to continue for a long time.
10/90 SleepStreak
21/90 PornFree
35/365 NoAlcohol

By Pulse · 13 hours ago13 hr
No useless videos for 90 days.

Entry 10.1
Weeks until average life expectancy: 2744 (80th birthday)
Day 357: No Useless Videos
Day 1191: Sticking to Food schedule
Day 42: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00)
Day 47: Being in bed before 23:15
3 Things I did well, no matter how small
- 7 German units
- Morning/Afternoon workout
- 3h 45m in between meals
1 Thing I could do better
- make a food plan with chronometer
3 Separate meals (or less but without combining any of the three) and 3hrs 45 minutes in between at least. Day 6
Fell asleep earlier than scheduled - 3/21 (2+1+1+1+1+1+1+1)
Going to sleep in 1 bulk without falling asleep immaturely in an unplanned manner - 3/21 (1)
Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5
Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 362

By Yan · 16 hours ago16 hr

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1333 Most Online
Johann Newest Member · Friday at 06:57 AM2 days

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Respawning,,..,,again

Journal - exBfPlayer

Restored journal

90 days (and beyond) StopGaming Journal

No useless videos for 90 days.

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