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Thanks Amph. That was basically my high school motto, and it was always at the back of my mind - until all the effort in the world wasn't good enough for important people in my life. Ah, don't I love bringing that up?  _________ Update: I spent a week online after a weak 'good morning' of sorts from wheatbiscuit senior (yeah, disappointed there yet again). That felt different (and preceded) the last 3 days, when I tried to resume the 'ultimate level goal' again. It's so stupid, and only 20% of it is fun, I just get on a roll until it's too late to avoid the pain and regret afterward. Will try harder to order my life more, regardless. _________ Today I had offline therapy, and that also came along quickly. I had a good vent/emptying-out, though on the walk home, I saw someone that I thought was either having sudden substance withdrawal pangs or was actually in natural, gut-wrenching emotional pain; you can't make up the expression that was on his face - and I couldn't approach him. Something didn't seem right. I stopped to look back, as I thought someone was going to talk to him, but no one really did. There was a compelling force and a mental image to sit down by the person, share their pain and maybe join in with some tears, but my feet wouldn't take me backward or fully stop. Not only that, but someone who'd had kind words for me who I would recognise anywhere walked by me a block afterward. E-games or no e-games, I keep avoiding growth opportunities like them. That's my real problem. __________ Maybe there are lots of people who are safe and sane for me to be with and not have to overcompensate around. I just receive so many doubtful signals from within and out - anxiousness. There are patterns of reactions I'm often aware of, and as my Dad often explains, 'No good deed goes unpunished'. I suppose that's like saying 'Don't 'virtue-signal'/expect a rewarding feeling for doing good'. I should look harder, too, for avenues to just do good out of habit. Today's workout turned out positive, after a couple of mental and physical barriers. At the risk of IDing myself, I probably sweat the most in the place by a mile. I don't like that much - for mess and towelling off frequently - but there was pride in it. Have at me for using that e-crutch some more, I guess. Peace out. ~ Wheat  

Entry 25.3  Day 69: No Useless Videos Day 901: Sticking to Food schedule Day 504: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 52: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small  -Completing pomodoro output goals 5th day in a row. Giving extra effort, don't know how good the voiceover will be but it is what it is, if people will hit me or not watch none of it so be it -75% effort run -8 concentrated work units + some without documentation 1 Thing I could do better -finish the tasks earlier, Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 69

Food schedule update 27.3-10.4  (Not including 10.4) Everything remains the same apart from 1. Olive oil returns to 60g 2. black sesame seeds rise to 18g instead of 15g 3. Gotta' get a weightscale to have a better indication of how my weight is doing, as the doctors visits here are not as available and are not free either

Entry 24.3  Day 68: No Useless Videos Day 900: Sticking to Food schedule Day 503: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 51: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small  -Completing pomodoro output goals 4th day in a row. Still not at all obvious. -Afternoon workout -9 concentrated work units [ completed input goal ]   1 Thing I could do better -Must prioritize sleep. [Health] Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 68

Day 76: Trip went well! No urges to play during it, which was great. Now it's time to prep for house construction work, so that will keep me busy. 14 more days until the 90 days is complete!