Dear Diary...

[BooksandTrees]

On 11/6/2024 at 2:25 AM, Amphibian220 said:

this means there was something that was a good outlet but you have not found it to combat the old pattern. 

I can see in your posts that sometimes worries can drive you to this numbing habit. I have the same issue with social media, and I want to know how to defeat fear and anxiety, like a fighter gets in the ring and drops his opponent with his willpower.

Over this period of journaling I noticed that If I can build up enough strength, then when a new difficulty cones, I will not overspend mental strength on it, but handle it as a matter of fact.

I still can’t do it and I am getting the feeling I’m going to get into a more humble and honest approach if I dont want to get stuck in the crap old ways.

Do you know what is great about kids? They are not stuck up in their heads and display a lot of courage. They know someone has their back.

I feel crap that I have watched pointless shows as a way to numb, but that only happened because I slacked over the last year and didnt keep fighting at a high tempo. I have to find this strength somewhere and I have to pay attention to what people around me do, because that always arms me with intelligence and support from people.

It's tough. I think we're making good progress on our addictive habits overall if we compare to years ago. It's just one of those things that's going to be a battle of endurance and patience. We've got this. 

[BooksandTrees]

I wrote a poem about postpartum depression induced rage. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 

[BooksandTrees]

I've decided to not post for a while until life improves. I apologize to those who have been long readers and i apologize to my friends on here who always talk. It's just too much to write about and it's so exhausting. 

[Amphibian220]

All good, but please post every once in a while that you are on track with your therapy and recovery.