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BooksandTrees
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Maybe this is just my opportunity to control my anger and decide not to be angry. I feel like I could tell myself to lose my temper or forget it and go to bed. The only thing is I'm unsure what I'm angry about in general. I'm lonely and would like a girlfriend, sure, but I wasn't thinking about that today. I was more upset about me jeopardizing my future by being stupid at work. 

I am so upset with myself. But what is that doing? It's making me more upset. I can rationalize my emotions and get through this. I'm not bound and I'm not loose. I choose to find myself in a good position in life.

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I guess my issue is I feel so insanely alone in life. People only speak to me for their own benefit most of the time. I have a few friends from work and maybe 2 outside of work who treat me well so I'll take it.

I just want to yell at my other friends. I feel evil to be honest and I don't like it. I wish I felt good. 

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26 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

Maybe this is just my opportunity to control my anger and decide not to be angry. I feel like I could tell myself to lose my temper or forget it and go to bed. The only thing is I'm unsure what I'm angry about in general. I'm lonely and would like a girlfriend, sure, but I wasn't thinking about that today. I was more upset about me jeopardizing my future by being stupid at work. 

I am so upset with myself. But what is that doing? It's making me more upset. I can rationalize my emotions and get through this. I'm not bound and I'm not loose. I choose to find myself in a good position in life.

I know what you are talking about. I have been stupid a couple of times in the past year, and I was super upset with myself at the time. However, I acknowledged my fault, and moved on. What else could I do? I just took note of it and made sure it does not happen again.  I decided to "talk less and listen more" and have been trying to discipline myself. I believe the world is our greatest teacher, so anything can be viewed as a learning opportunity.

 

On your loneliness and stress, I think meditation might help you get over your emotion. Personally, I found meditating with an app named "headspace" very empowering. It is important to do it daily. 

 

I think it is good that you write about your experience. Research has shown that talking about bad experience with others help individuals to get over it easier. 

 

Best of luck

 

 

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On 11/10/2020 at 11:56 PM, Mohammad said:

I know what you are talking about. I have been stupid a couple of times in the past year, and I was super upset with myself at the time. However, I acknowledged my fault, and moved on. What else could I do? I just took note of it and made sure it does not happen again.  I decided to "talk less and listen more" and have been trying to discipline myself. I believe the world is our greatest teacher, so anything can be viewed as a learning opportunity.

 

On your loneliness and stress, I think meditation might help you get over your emotion. Personally, I found meditating with an app named "headspace" very empowering. It is important to do it daily. 

 

I think it is good that you write about your experience. Research has shown that talking about bad experience with others help individuals to get over it easier. 

 

Best of luck

 

 

Thanks. I think I've done a better job at tuning stress out this week. I'm still a little anxious, but I'm getting more accomplished at work and around the house. I've also socialized quite a bit this week. I watched a few movies and am just trying to enjoy my downtime. 

I kind of compare the absence of studying to the absence of video games because it was an immediate purpose after work and consumed the rest of my day. Maybe I was uncomfortable with the extra time again. 

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I'm considering buying home gym equipment. I miss exercising with weights and I think it will help release pent up stress. I'll think about it this weekend now that I'm in a better piece of mind. 

I still feel that my emotional vulnerability at the moment can lead to anger at any moment so I want to find healthy ways to Express it.

I won't gameplan too much like before. I'm just going to practice hobbies, exercise, sleep, socialize, relax, and eat and drink water. 

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12 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I'm considering buying home gym equipment. I miss exercising with weights and I think it will help release pent up stress

Do you distance run? Nothing releases pent up emotions like grinding away on the pavement until there's nothing left of yourself.

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16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I'm considering buying home gym equipment. I miss exercising with weights and I think it will help release pent up stress. I'll think about it this weekend now that I'm in a better piece of mind. 

I still feel that my emotional vulnerability at the moment can lead to anger at any moment so I want to find healthy ways to Express it.

I won't gameplan too much like before. I'm just going to practice hobbies, exercise, sleep, socialize, relax, and eat and drink water. 

Buying gym equipment is a great idea. I have been working at home for a year now and I love it. Its cheap, efficient and convenient. 

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16 hours ago, Lampshade said:

Do you distance run? Nothing releases pent up emotions like grinding away on the pavement until there's nothing left of yourself.

I don't distance run unfortunately. I walk but I get winded after 1 mile and get bored running longer. Maybe i need to listen to something. 

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Today I'm 107 weeks from gaming. I'm going to play board games with my friends this weekend who have all been socially distancing. It is a very small get together of 3 people so I'm hoping it is a safe one. I saw 2 friends last weekend who have been socially distancing and I am fine now.

I am cleaning my house today, fixing my car, and ordering the drums and weights. I think it would be a good idea. I'm still having offputting dreams but I'm managing to sleep a little more.

Dating apps hit a frustration point for me this week but I'm going to stay patient. I know I historically delete these after 2 weeks and this was the 2nd week. I promised my therapist I'd try for 3 months to 6 months for an equal chance because I think things come in waves and sometimes waves last a few weeks.

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16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Dating apps hit a frustration point for me this week but I'm going to stay patient. I know I historically delete these after 2 weeks and this was the 2nd week. I promised my therapist I'd try for 3 months to 6 months for an equal chance because I think things come in waves and sometimes waves last a few weeks.

 

5 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I stopped talking to a woman who was using me emotionally.

I personally don't think I can have a relationship. I just can't do things emotionally. I don't trust relationships.

I think it might be a good idea to set a specific goal. "Trying dating apps for 3 to 6 months" is not a goal. "Going out on a date every week using dating apps" is a goal. Trash the chatty girl if she doesn't want to meet. And keep in mind you are on a dating app, because you want to specifically show sexual interest. And sexual interest - from swiping right, to cheeky texts, to cheeky speech, to touches, to sex - comes BEFORE the relationship, not after.

I'm going to paraphrase Ridley: "A good marriage is when two people optimally exploit each other, so both sides win. If the balance shifts sideways, then the only winner is the divorce lawyer."

I think you can do things emotionally, but you are horrified by how it might turn out "rationally" in the end. So you want unbridled intimacy, but you are scared to take a risk that you can be wrong (and I think we are always somewhat wrong) in a person. I've been wrong in a few women recently and it makes me more aware for the next time. Nobody wound up dead or pregnant, so what's the deal?

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8 hours ago, Ikar said:

 

I think it might be a good idea to set a specific goal. "Trying dating apps for 3 to 6 months" is not a goal. "Going out on a date every week using dating apps" is a goal. Trash the chatty girl if she doesn't want to meet. And keep in mind you are on a dating app, because you want to specifically show sexual interest. And sexual interest - from swiping right, to cheeky texts, to cheeky speech, to touches, to sex - comes BEFORE the relationship, not after.

I'm going to paraphrase Ridley: "A good marriage is when two people optimally exploit each other, so both sides win. If the balance shifts sideways, then the only winner is the divorce lawyer."

I think you can do things emotionally, but you are horrified by how it might turn out "rationally" in the end. So you want unbridled intimacy, but you are scared to take a risk that you can be wrong (and I think we are always somewhat wrong) in a person. I've been wrong in a few women recently and it makes me more aware for the next time. Nobody wound up dead or pregnant, so what's the deal?

I gotta be honest this reminds me of the advice i give people who try to say they need to reach 90 days or 6 months without gaming and have no goals for the days they spend. Very good advice.

I think what I'll do is aim at having more fluid conversation on apps, presenting myself in a more appealing way, and going on dates.

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3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I gotta be honest this reminds me of the advice i give people who try to say they need to reach 90 days or 6 months without gaming and have no goals for the days they spend. Very good advice.

I'm happy I could help. I'm not on dating apps for over half a year now, but I know it's a tool to meet new women if the current situation isn't permitting.

3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I think what I'll do is aim at having more fluid conversation on apps, presenting myself in a more appealing way, and going on dates.

If I remember correctly, you landed a few dates before via dating apps, so it's just about getting yourself out there and setting up more meetings. Just remember to be yourself. The rest is just statistics.

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On 11/14/2020 at 10:28 AM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

I lift weights in my garage. It's a little confined but it's gonna work well enough I think. Go lift some weights in your home like me.

So I'm wait listed on buying weights until December since so many people bought them. Brutal.

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19 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

So I'm wait listed on buying weights until December since so many people bought them. Brutal.

Craigslist or FB marketplace? I got a punching bag and stand, $300 new, for $150 gently used.

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I don't think I want a relationship. I came to the conclusion that I only want a relationship so someone can notice me but I think it's a subliminal message emanating from my soul begging me to notice myself and explore my passions. 

After buying my drums, doing better at work and exercising, I've started to love myself more. 

I was looking for someone to love me so that I could love myself. 

I won't find a relationship until I've built a real relationship with myself and love myself. 

I hate others because I don't fully love myself. I project this hate onto others. 

Done. 

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