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Everything posted by DaBest

  1. Yo! I'm ok. Not dead. Sent you a message.
  2. Past couple of days have been up and down. I've been staying up too late, often turning off my blockers briefly to go research bouldering techniques since I'm still really new and want to improve. I go rock climbing pretty late as it's open way later than the normal gym, so if I get out of work late, I just go rock climbing instead. I'm simply in love with rock climbing at this point. The athleticism, the problem solving, the people, the drop-in nature of the gym itself--it all really brings me back to when I was doing jiu jitsu. I've made a lot of acquaintances at this point, which is aw
  3. Alright, weekend has been pleasant so far. Parents visited since I can't visit them (...). Missed them, had a lot of really good food. Made me really happy to see them. As soon as they left it's been straight back on the laptop. I'm going to get off now. I'm re-signing my contract for one week. Honestly, I've been very lax with internet usage the past few days in between how busy I was, like I was OWED that, like it served some connection with the outside world. It means I was not doing enough of that on my own this past week. There are much better ways to get that. I have goals. I
  4. Have been working crazy hours this week, and I've been up late a bunch, like tonight. Internet usage has been good or bad depending on the day. Meditation has been iffy. Good to note I lost sight of that. I started rock climbing and love it. Have already made a few acquaintances there and that makes me very happy. That's it.
  5. Dude, that's a massive pay bump either way. Congrats!
  6. Bro, no shame. You're acting brave as fuck right now. Fuck the haters, if they exist. You need to do what's right for you. This is YOUR journal, and it's meant to help YOU. Absolute gangster. (And, now you're putting more pressure on me to stay consistent with the gym, so thanks for that.)
  7. Things. Internet usage has been better. Haven't gone really overboard or done too much dumb stuff. Phone usage is way down this week compared to last. Went to a happy hour yesterday for a buddy at my old job that finally had enough. I also saw the woman I asked out and she seemed none too pleased lol. Idgaf. Had a lot of fun and it was great to see a lot of the people I was friendly with. After SEVERAL rounds of reviews I finally got all three deliverables out today, in time for tomorrow. Now I have nothing. Consulting is weird. Hopefully, I can get something tomorrow, or it mi
  8. I'm awake. Lol. I got a full night's sleep last night, but I'm still feeling the sleep debt. I've noticed the past week or so, it's been really hard managing my internet use. Even at work it's creeping back up a little bit. I think I'm just feeling cooped up, lonely, and stressed. I just need to hold on. Work was hard today. I got in late (for obvious reasons) and then ended up staying super late after getting wrapped up into an impromptu meeting at 5 that lasted til 7:30. It's crunch time now.
  9. I've been up for 38 hours now. Two short of a record. Lol. I'm actually pretty reasonably awake. But I'm going to bed now. I had a bunch of time sensitive work I had to do which A) I couldn't start til Sunday afternoon, B) and I procrastinated when it came time to do it. I basically fit two day's work into one. PEACE!
  10. @TheNewMe2.0, good to hear you're working on your mental health too. Why do I go to work? Because solitary confinement makes me want to die. Straight up, the 1.5 months I spent without going anywhere besides the dumpster and grabbing mail when everyone locked down last year was the most brutal thing I ever endured. I live solo without a family. Never again will I submit to such a thing. @Jason70, 100% agree, though I'm not consistent with putting that into practice. I did get my sleep on track today thankfully. --- Alright, updates. Didn't get a chance to catch up on sleep
  11. @TheNewMe2.0, oh, that's interesting. I'll give that a shot. I've been doing something similar to that at work (cause I'm the only one in the office, lol), where I take a piece of paper, write whatever my thoughts are that are irrational and causing whatever anguish or anxiety is there, and then directly refute all of the BS on the opposite side of the page. It calms me down a lot. I like this though too since it forces you to explore both "poles" so to speak, and find where the truth lies in the middle. It's less prone to irrational positivity too. --- Was kind of dumb on Tuesday. G
  12. Kinda tired. Was up late yesterday doing laundry. I'll keep this brief. Doing better. Had a good day at work. Had an actual productive heart-to-heart with my dad. Don't really feel like writing about it much right now but it feels like some of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Accidentally broke my internet rules tonight. Overall, this past week went much better than last, though I still want it badly. Being present is hard still.
  13. @TheNewMe2.0, all good suggestions. I don't know any CBT exercises though. I don't think I've done anything like that with my therapist. --- Kinda slowly losing my mind. Honestly, just overwhelmed and cooped up. Meditated, worked-out, groceries, and cooking. Laundry ongoing. I need to do more on my weekends. I need to push through this. Internet usage lower overall today. Grateful for mom.
  14. Sorry to hear about the troubles coming back up. Things sounded much better for you in your earlier posts--I was really grateful to see that. Though, I'm not so sure that you can't stop. I mean, you said this just two weeks ago: You've taken a step back. That sucks, honestly. But, you've also taken steps forward. Compared to when you were gaming, now that you are attempting to quit permanently, do you game less overall? If so, you just practice the habit of not gaming, and eventually, it sticks. I know I've mentioned this before, but my mom was an alcoholic for 25 years. It was ac
  15. Absolute madlad. Good stuff on the month, but holy crap, that's so damn cold, lol.
  16. @Ikar , it's very true that most people I encounter, including those at work, are more fearful concerning what discussed. And you're 100% right that they'll go live in their echo chambers. I had hardly even stated my opinion before I got blasted, told that there was no way I could ever convince them (not that I was trying to, honestly), and was told to never discuss politics again on the chat (also odd, given that they were consistently using political humor in our group chat). I'm still glad I said something though, since honestly, they were bringing it up often enough and that A) I was genui
  17. Yo, that's a really good list. I can identify with 95% of that, especially the escapism. I think you hit the nail on the head though. Purpose and values are the best thing for driving change. Keep up the good work.
  18. Makes a lot of sense. On one end of the spectrum, there's "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" and on the other end is Peter Pan (there's your Peterson reference, lol). That's great that you have that in place, since being social is generally the healthiest of escapes, provided you aren't binge drinking or anything like that. I've been incredibly isolated for the past year and lost friendships, and even more so the past few months, though I'm managing it much better overall. That makes a lot of negative emotions sting a lot worse, which is also a cue for me to do all my bad habits. My
  19. @TheNewMe2.0 Good stuff on the NoFap! Keep it up (or down, well...you know what I mean :D) No, I was getting headaches from not going on the internet. It's hard because it's my main way of escape, and it was just withdrawal. I kinda went back a few steps though before getting back on track this afternoon. --- Wrote up the new contract this afternoon. Was working from home and it wasn't really going well. I temporarily uninstalled blockers...the whole nine yards. After I re-wrote the contract I had more resolve and stuck to the rules. It's unfortunate I went backwards, but I had
  20. I like your list. It's important to remember the things that matter and bring us joy. It's a good reminder for myself too. Thank you.
  21. Stayed up late last night cooking and being stupid. Took some of the morning to clean up. Still got a decent day's work in. Called home tonight. Talked to mom, mentioned some of the stuff from last night. Not the easiest of conversations, but it was worthwhile. Just dicked around on the internet a bunch afterwards, but still technically within the bounds of the contract I wrote myself. I have to write a new one tomorrow anyway so I'll just iterate on that. Overall though, the headaches are not quite as bad at work as they were last week. Phone usage is down a ton. Tomorrow wi
  22. Had a great leg workout today. Bought a book. Went grocery shopping. Read some stuff. Called home and realized my dad is still a tool. I'm kinda pissed off right now and I'm just getting this post out of the way. Internet use way down.
  23. Dude, you're killing it right now. Massive respect 👊
  24. I GOT TO GOLFING TODAY! IT'S A FEBRUARY MIRACLE! I checked this morning to see if a few courses around me decided to open up with the warm weather, and sure enough I found ONE spot where I could fit in 18 holes. Neck was feeling pretty good so I figured why not? I needed the social practice more than anything, and I wanted to see how much the work I put in the past few weeks in my golf game worked out. I ate DIRT. No really! I ate dirt I was so bad. I was so bad, that I literally swallowed a clod of mud that sprayed into my mouth on one of my worst shots. It was gross, but still didn
  25. Mixed bag day. Got to work early. Made decent progress on the thing I'm working on, which now needs to be done by Tuesday. Not worried, I'll likely have it done Monday. Did really well staying away from my phone, though I did check the Screentime function and saw I was down under an hour for the past 2 days! Hell yeah. Besides that, headaches pretty much all day, urges, resistance, yada yada...I got through it. Got home and did my hour of internet escape, which turned into a few more, mostly unproductive since I found a loophole in the rules I set, and wanted to exploit it a little.