Amphibian220

I was pulled to watch talk shows last night. I didnt do it because the motivation was coming from neglecting my duties. It was a mixed day with some wins and some losses. I did nit exercise, but I did part of my coursework assignment.

I cannot work at a high enough pace so that my employer changed my shift to work on weekends as well. I just had to accept it, because there is no other way to get the workload sorted out. I dont need tv shows.

I forced myself to communicate and to attend the meetings at my university’s book club. Living without social media initially induces an increase in anxiety, but this should subside as I continue in working on my communication skills.

I think I understood a peculiar form of self deception. The more I shirk my responsibilities, and neglect my health, the more I justify lack of success on things outside my control. It can be the employer that withheld my wages from me, the promotion that was unjustly given to somebody else etc. As this starts happening, morale and energy hits rock bottom. This causes a downward cycle of further hiding from responsibilities and blaming it on others. I am really below my target level, for over a year.

I came to return a loaned book and had to go upstairs to the library. The security guard on duty was finishing his sandwich and as a matter of fact cussed me in a dirty way, asking for my library card. I said I didn’t have one. The library worker on duty came down to let me in. I haven't got the right attitude at all with this. Will let him have a piece of my mind.

Common pitfalls that sap morale: the job is not sophisticated enough and brings hardly enough cash to pay the bills. The perception is distorted in such a way that it appears that workmates and superiors look down on you. This may be because some worrying makes it hard to communicate with people on the job. What sort of means can be employed to be more confident in communicating? Im behind on my council tax payments and I’ve got rent arrears too. I feel kind of stuck with an inability to find enough money. I think I will do freelance work to bring my money discipline back in line

Im going to try three sets of 15 swings with a light kettlebell and do it daily. If my back improves after 3 months I’m going to switch to a heavier weight.

Cool stuff man, congratulations on your book publication. what is the subject od your book? have you got experience refurbishing cars? May buy them cheap and upgrade them with better spare parts. kettlebells scared me when I received safety instructions on how I can hurt myself if I don't follow the rules. I’d stay with the 15 lbs kettle bell for a long time before trying the 50 lbs one.

What sort of daily Cardio exercise routine are you following. I think if you spend like 40 minutes a day breaking a light sweat, its going to be super good for you in fighting diabetes.

My awareness level has gone down because I'm not feeling the pressure, or i don’t care about the pressure. Im feeling fatigue.

Welcome to Game quitters Sean, Im glad you have taken this choice. About moderation, I will say what I have observed in my 3 years on this forum. There are members that need blockers on their phones and computers because the technology is designed around ease of access to harmful entertainment. Its enough to just unlock a phone to have advertisements about games pulling the attention. There were members who tried moderation and this insight was obtained. To play little without losing focus of priorities and discipline, means that the games have to lose all value to a person, but these members argued in favour of moderation exactly because games are a point of obsession to them. So essentially it was denial of a problem on their part and they relapsed into uncontrollable behaviours. I have not seen a successful moderation story, except wishful thinking on behalf of some members. What was very helpful is to find the mechanics that are enjoyable in video games in real life sports, work and activities. When I had found a job that suited my needs to be challenged, have team work, communication and a sense of progression, the illusion of video games became apparent. So if games lose the meaning for you, there will be no need to play in moderation. It will feel like a waste of time. Hope this answers the question.

All good, but please post every once in a while that you are on track with your therapy and recovery.

Thanks Patrick, Im not going to be a loser tomorrow. No social media crap and no self pity. My friend will judge a medieval sword fight tournament. I want to go and see it.

Improvement today for the first time since the relapse. I actually pushed myself to do better at work and education.

This is a really big impediment for growth. Can someone share knowledge on this. I just keep encountering the “if people would have treated me better” obstacle. This sort of obstacle makes me lose sight of my responsibilities and leads to a fall in the quality of my work. What sort of actions can I take to show myself I haven’t lost. I got healed in the past when i was criticized for my failures and had day to day improvement. My current colleague burns his time on social media and only commends me for what is an average quality. Never has he highlighted mistakes to me in a proper way. Ever since this started happening, I , for lack of things to worry about, started identifying things that aren’t good, but I can do nothing about. Getting angry, excusing myself and shirking responsibility. I understand that Im losing skills, so I have to switch to a more challenging role.