Amphibian220

Quick update discilpline went down. Im in a new flat, been nervous over moving. I have to see a doctor about stomach pains, pay attention to proper eating and brushing teeth if teeth.

Good luck with this upcoming plan Alexanderle. What helps me to stay away from browsing the web is Mr Glover’s reasoning. If you made it a rule to be a man of dignity and honour, you will not accept mediocrity in yourself. Looking at erotic imagery or one night stand is settling for scraps - having it cheap and easy. If a guy pushes his anxiety away and speaks to a girl without trying to be someone else, he gets good treatment overall. They may not like your ideas- but they like you. women like guys who are vulnerable to an extent- who say what they want and think. I hope you make some leaps and your spare time becomes healthy and valuable to you. Its very important to be a healthy and disciplined guy when you’re by yourself. That’s when you start living it and people treat you with due respect.

I read from this book “1984” and dislike how the media pushes it as predicting the future. This and the other books of its genre aren’t really predicting the future that much. If you read Jules Verne’s fantasy novels - he was writing about powerful submarines powered by electricity, spacecraft taking humans into outer space. This wasn’t achieved in his time, but many scientists hypothesized that in time technology would get to a milestone where these missions would be achievable. An informed guess about 50 years into the future is much easier than 300 years into the future.

Alexanderle, I get embarassed of people I have to deal with sometimes. Tracing your feelings can help identify problem areas. This is me: If I am totally disappointed by something, like to the point I dont care about anything at all anymore- I can walk into one of those places and connect with a woman seller. Even make a compliment that touches her! My rapport is excellent and my mind isn’t wondering any more. I am on her wave length now. I think this has to do with being attached to myself a lot. I cannot really let go and keep thinking I have to guard my inner personality. Then there are all these inner insecurities which don’t bother other people at all. I am worried that I am a foreigner not to be liked, dont fit their income class, my ideas are vastly different to theirs. So what if I am different, aren’t we all different?

Update I have exercised less over the last two weeks because of getting up late (like 7-8am) and viewing flats. Less exercise meant my back started to hurt again. I cannot really lift heavy stuff, but I did nevertheless because I was moving to a new home. Mentally I feel strong: I am now doing the things that are raising my self esteem- dressing well, grooming, taking care of food and sleep. I think more of what I want and less about what others think. I don’t want to look for work now because of aforementioned reasons although I admire people on this forum that earn their income. Where did I step up? I challenged my landlady on the sum she wanted to withold for repairs. She stated she disagrees but transferred the money to “save our relationship”. I was unfazed by this. Something great that happened: Just now I met a friend whom I haven’t seen for like 8 years.

Alexander, Have you had improvements? How is your exercise routine, diet, social interactions? Are you getting out of the house more often? Have you tried communicating more with your peers?

Yes I went off topic because you have said something very important. We can have fears over the result causing worry in us (your friend’s statement). By accepting possibility of rejection or failure- the real you start to become visible. People start seeing you for what you are and may be attracted to you. You dont want result at all costs. Worrying about any sort of results overextends us emotionally. Reading that girl’s signal in that way got you to worry because if she likes you, its causing the question in your head: shall you get closer?

@Ikar, coveting or caring for something too much kills my nerves. I can achieve the result, but at a great mental cost and then cannot enjoy it. In fact, this thread seems to run through many things in life: attracting a woman, getting your desired job, moving to a new home, reacting to a conflict. When you start thinking: “I will get this, it’s okay, it’s not such a big deal” the people around you seem to notice the change in your composure and start taking a different route with you. My friend left his carpet in the common area for the cleaners to pick up a couple of days ago. The concierge who looks after the place, naively thought it was put “away” and took it for herself. My friend’s reaction was surprise, maybe some disagreement, but she didn’t really let herself get worked up over it. I then contrast this with an employer in an English law firm who used to swear at his employees and pressured them to bill their clients aggressively. Then, on friday nights he would encourage the employees to go down to a local pub and accept him paying for everybody’s drinks. First anger triggered by coveting, then atonement through gifts?

Sometimes coursework involves “work” that is of minor importance. The lecturer will indicate that . Don't waste your energy on it. The more serious work involves some important elements- if you get them, the rest falls in place like a jigsaw puzzle. I have never studied coding, but your concentration should start improving given your exercise, eating, sleeping are in good order.

Netzwerker, How do you find work difficult? Is it memorization of material? Is it monotonous checking and correcting errors in the code? One point that is good to look at is how much easier other people complete the work that you are doing. Other people who can see you are like mirrors. The Italians have this word “Sprezzatura”- I think it means doing work with a lot of ease and fun and not sweating it. Another thing is spotting bullshit “contrived” work and treating it like that. Do you know what certain applicants do with bullshit psychological and logical tests to get into consulting business? I am telling you from first hand experience - they game them. They don’t cheat, they pick up that the recruiter just added more unnecessary hurdles, so they jump over them. When I have work, I know only have so much fuel before my mind gets tired, so always do the important stuff in as short a time as practical. research example: i need to find an answer to a question. Ask peers what cases they have looked at. This saves research time. I have only about an hour’s worth of time. Quickly read those two-three cases, write down ratios, read 1 or 2 journal publications on the case. Start drafting answer. relax for two hours.

Having your things in order gives a clear mind and a better ability to focus. If the house is messy, it can cause nerves. Although I was compulsive about it some time ago. Over the years I got to a good point where I dont spend too much time on cleaning, but do it frequently enough. It raises my spirit actually Dropping dead weights is important. By choosing not to watch non-essential information, I started becoming more proactive and confident.

I asked you about how you chose the subject because you could have an idea how to apply the skills to make a great change. I have a friend who wants to study computer science in order to computerize businesses back in his home country, which are still relying on old software or just plain mobile phones. When I had a time wasting problem, I went to a library that blocked access to most websites and only allowed me one hour of free work. Due to the time constraint, I worked super fast and didn’t fall for any distractions.

Welcome Jordan! Its good that you are bouncing back. I had this discussion with Alexanderle on healthy versus unhealthy relapses (you can see it in the thread “how to really change your habits”) - last couple of posts. From what I read in a number of journals, it is not possible to game in moderation. It will put you on your back sooner or later.

Welcome Baylen. Can you say whereabouts are you from? I can attest that working with this website correctly produces positive changes in your life. Leaving games does not produce a giant void, the void was always there. Gaming is suppressing your awareness- if you consciously withdraw from the game and start paying attention to the buttons you are pressing, background noises outside, the quiteness of the room- you will understand the void is always there. You gotta be brave man. if you want to change faster, instill a blackout on all non-essential media and just get involved with people and do the things that are right, give you a sense of achievement and keep you in a positive mood.

I am celebrating that I stopped ignoring health issues, suppressing feelings and thoughts. I started treating people on this forum seriously, and it produced tangible positive changes in my life. When I first saw this website, I thought it was not worth registering here. I put a plan in place to find a meaningful empowering job. I am committed to never settle for mediocrity, although it scares me somewhat. But that’s just human.