Amphibian220

Drift to low performance Going to sleep late and refusing to dance with the system have caused a downward cycle of -an unhealthy craving to control my day through watching action films at the end of it. Sometimes tiredness beckmes extreme, my maneuver window is there for a short while so I have to keep actively searching. I must go to sleep early, have cardio in the morning and write job applications throughout the day.

I just don’t like the overall balance. Need to search more for a fitting job. Met some of my old friends and played basketball this weekend. Detected patterns for failure: 1. when you’re tired, its ok to skip healthy activities and waste time. This is a lie, once you establish a habit, it comes naturally at different participation levels. 2. Its ok to stay in an unhealthy environment because there is a great deal of uncertainty about alternatives. Another lie, simple daily research will remove the uncertainty completely. 3. Chronic tiredness from taking on work that is beyond abilities. Better planning will remove this hurdle and establish greater trust. 4. No time left for “daily errands” to “trying to do all the things at once in a haphazard fashion. When 1, 2 and 3 are attacked on a daily basis, there will be ample time for each particular task. Ironing shirts is a must from now on.

Great breakdown, its an example dor us to follow. I was feeling very ill yesterday and so I gave in to watching a short action film to distract myself. I wonder about healthy replacements requiring strong health and a lot of energy. For example, I want to gain muscle mass, but over-stressing my body immediately takes me out for 1 or two days. My eating habits also don’t help in gaining weight. I need to get a book on that.

Day 12, Feeling low on energy, I have interrupted my habit of dreaming yesterday. Hope to get used to getting up early and completing my work on time . I need news to awaken myself right now.

Day 10 Today I gave in to constructing a strategy video game scenario. I watched a 3 minute action film trailer before that. Good news is that I interrupted the craving by remembering I am in the beginning of an important mission. Cameron related how a single activity will not replace the gaming habit and I agree with that. One major need is to socialize and participate in a competitive sport but I cannot get that at the moment. So there is not enough distraction away from my usual triggers. I am not the kind to dream about socializing and sport activities. I typically dislike watching sports, except in the case where I want to review a match and get some tips from a Pro. I never understood why people support football clubs. So dreaming about playing a strategy video game doesn’t really make sense. I could just get out to play a football game instead. I absolutely understand I am not a dreamer, but I wasted about 10 -20 minutes on a day dreaming distraction. I also did not exercise today because work issues were pressing. But I absolutely missed an opportunity for an exciting workout. My working and thinking speed is low because of back issues. A great boxing session totally replaces the need to dream. I can imagine an opponent and visualize winning a fight. This happened yesterday. Oh and just one last thing: I may have my supper, watch TV and suddenly decide I need to eat some more. I don’t think I need that extra food, but I seem to eat a lot in short bursts. To slow down my eating speed, I’ll try Watching Cam’s video next time. I rush because of the fear that someone will distract me, but so what, let them do it. Maybe my eating habits will become healthy

Day 9 I followed through on my exercise routine, later on in the day I distracted myself with an intense cardio workout of about one hour. I overheated and felt very sore after it. Another problem arose in that I didn’t how much I should eat when I’m releasing greater levels of energy. I have eaten a lot of fruit to feel satiated. I don’t know if I’m eating insufficiently now, my perceptions are very distorted. Feeling physically tired and sore is putting a lot of pressure to start dreaming, because that way I can forget about the pain. If I can’t exercise, I only have reading as a distraction now.

i think in all honesty, there is just no time to play video games for us. We need a reasonably fit body and mind to do our job. That means education, work, exercise, rest and meaningful relationships have to be of the highest quality. Will I cut my exercise time to browse silly videos on the web or play a video game? For my rest I want a proper rest not some scraps. Video games are scraps for people who became too weak to go and do something healthy. So there will be an initial struggle when your body resists leaving its comfort zone.

Ok I got it, instead of snacking I’ll just stretch and shadow box dozens of times in the day. That will be my time killer from now on. Simple reprogramming at work.

Observation, its important not just to pick a standard degree in accounting or law, but to have a proper visualization about where you want to go from your teen years. The goal can then change along the way. The biggest miss is not meeting enough people and failing to gather info about their services and products on offer. Some stupid shyness induced by rubbish video games. In my time, the narrative that students followed was the wrong way round. Where is the highest salary? How much can I earn in two years? Nobody talked much about the failing legal system in the UK. There are all these self important lawyers who haven’t got the guts to build abetter system because it involves challenging the views of the stakeholders. A major pitfall is just wanting to become a “lawyer with a high salary”. That is just too general and doesn’t give me enough of a drive and sense of purpose. A better visualization is “what is old and redundant in this system?” What should be done away with and will never work? Where is fakery in this system, what would be a far better organization with people working together around higher values.? I should stop lying to myself and my employer.

My awareness hasn’t helped me when my plans didn’t work. Feeling bored and faced with a day off, instead of quickly adapting my plan and doing something useful, I went on snacking. I overate for the first time on the 8th day and I ruminated too. I need to set up a better back up plan, i remember how ridiculously potent my cravings for perfection were. Any free time was immediately channeled to sports. Right outside on my back yard. Or in the football field. I just can’t get out as much anymore and amazingly my particular job is making me unhealthy. So: 1) I can bring my weights to my office to have a midday workout. 2) I can find far better jobs that afford more time for self development. Major let down is when I’m feeling too ill for a workout. I’m naturally into adrenaline filled type of sports. And its either dreaming about movies or playing a sport for me. I just need to cool down and be less controlling over myself. The more controlling I try to be, the more stress it causes after which I want to eat and ruminate. I just need to spend more time in my back yard.

Day 7, No overeating and no ruminating because there were enough tasks in the day and sufficient rest. I haven’t exercised though.

Day 6 System trap elaborated. When I am totally focused on my goals, I get excited about completing them, become super committed and tire myself out because there is just not enough time. Then as the stress mounts, I can’t enjoy what I’m doing anymore and just wait for it to be over. This is when I am most absent minded and can’t connect with people. It was just frustration from that point on. As something went slightly wrong I was furious. I wasn’t cool or composed anymore. Thats the thing, when I work alone and can’t communicate well when the pressure increases. I can’t find the time for rest. Suddenly its all or nothing. Yesterday I drove myself nervous by the number of tasks I completed and was in an angry state. I didn’t act rudely, but at the end of a day just could not hold back from ruminating and forgot about working out. The only remedy was in modeling my conversations with people. I haven’t overeaten.

So I needed a workout but I was too tired to go after one. And so I ruminated, actually I wasn’t tired but forgot to follow my action plan. This habit tricked me today.

Day 4. Memory pain activated rumination. I have to solve some work issues today. If I work intensely, I will urgently need a workout to avoid ruminating. Controlling food granted me energy I didn’t have in the past. I used a simple one plate rule. Yesterday I was able to focus on my revision late at night. Now I seem to gather I used to overeat to escape from issues.

I am at a bus stop anxiously rushing to see my friend, I haven’t seen him in 3 years. As I’m quickly scanning to see his face from among the passengers leaving the bus, I’m starting to see his familiar features in several strangers, until I notice enough of a difference ! How is that possible? Its almost like my mind is drawing that face in a rush before it gathers sufficient info to see a mismatch. If my worrying wasn’t through the roof, my perceptions wouldn’t be distorted like that. And now I remember that boxers possess greater control of a fight when their emotions are kept in check. Now since I can’t process a lot of information, I have foresight or intuition about what the text reads, or what the person is going to say from his first several words. I think the level of foresight has to be there necessarily, but it must at its root be of abundant success . I have seen myself change when spoken to by men with a positive outlook on things. I have to process information at a slower pace because it will enable me to catch and neutralize the negative bias.