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  2. I watched two lectures by Peterson recently, they were probably one of the most practical ones that I've seen from him. I have some of my own thoughts combined with his ideas below then. He mentioned that by age of roughly 30 (from what I gather, you seem to be in your 30s), kids should be able to see their parents as peers, with their unique flaws and strengths. Added to that, with their unique opinions as well, but that you shouldn't consider their opinions to be worth more than anyone else's. After all, they had a lot of time to install their opinions into you anyway, for better and for worse. I tend to imagine love/hate as opposing sides of the same spectrum, in the case of my mom. In the case of my dad, it's rather respect/disrespect. I feel largely neutral towards them. I don't wish death and disease upon them, but I'd probably prefer some distance from them and see them once a week and I'll likely take any first good opportunity to move out and live on my own (or with a future girlfriend). It seems to me they are sort of alibistic and treat me as either an adult or a child, depending on what's more convenient, especially my dad. Good luck finding the girl 🙂
  3. Day 85. "New chapter inbound." Well, both doctor's appointments went great, to be honest. I got granted my last extension of paid sick leave. Starting this Monday, it'll be 4 weeks before my new start begins. I'll be temping for a while as I prep starting my own business. So there's some time for my side projects, prepping the resumé and so on. EXCITING! It's also very terrifying. Very. And there will be roadblocks ahead. I just have to keep fighting and sowing seeds here and there. Recent highlight: The last doctor was shocked when I told her about the previous doctor's behaviour. She agreed with me finding him unprofessional. Not that it matters, but it felt nice to get some acknowledgement. Now that he no longer has any influence on the matter, I was thinking of filing a complaint or maybe go and give him a piece of my mind. Budget status: Well, I might make the next month, just barely. I'm kind of scraping by and my savings are almost spent. It'll be a breather when my girl moves in, but we haven't heard from the tax office about the fine yet. I'll make a call soon to clear things up. Also, my computer doesn't seem to be coming back, so I'll have to start a new budget file... My one goal for the next 24h: I have a improv gig tonight and I'm planning on kicking ass! Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Check -Make the bed - Check -Drink enough water - In progress and doing fine so far. After a few weeks I'll start considering this habit as maintained and move onto the next which will concern personal hygiene, food intake and quality or maybe sports. We'll see.
  4. Finding a true soulmate takes time. It's not some comission that will one day knock on your door and tell you that they evaluated both of you and that you're a perfect match. It's the opposite. Sometimes it's plain luck. Some people have to go through a lot of shitty people to find that one diamond lying in the middle of all the dirt. And to be honest, turn it all around for a second. I faced my demons and work hard on myself on the daily. The me from a year ago was still a mess. The me from today? It's such a huge difference. I'm very happy mine showed up when she did because any day sooner, and I would not have been able to give her the best version of myself. Same goes for her. The reason why a healthy relationship is so crazily valuable is not just because of all the things you summed up. It's also super rare and it takes a lot of work to find that one person. So do the work, bide your time with a smile. Because the more that you pour into this dream of meeting your perfect parner, the more they'll be worth to you when you do find them when you're ready.
  5. Today
  6. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I guess it might have to do something with me being on the antibiotics and experiencing some minor, but annoying side effects like chills, intestinal upset, headache and general drowsiness. That aside, I made 6, 4 and 4 days without real masturbation, I just didn't put the counter in on my entries. I generally write them as the last thing of the day, which might be a mistake, because by then I am half asleep already at that point. I have it the other way around. Masturbation makes me energized or indifferent. Sex made me dead tired and exhausted, but in a good way, like some really long exercise does.
  7. Sorry to hear about your brain injury and the affair. I can't imagine what that is like to go through. But I know it is proof that you are strong enough to quit gaming. You mentioned mindfulness earlier. I had an issue when quitting video games where I'd try using only willpower, hate, and anger to stay away. I'd hate the video game community, their memes, lifestyle, and myself due to regret of not living a better life and shame of being a failure in my eyes. This lead to anxiety and anger pulled me out of it. It also made me very sick. Mindfulness and therapy helped me release my hate and anger. I learned how to recognize my emotions and then change my thoughts. This lead me to investigate why I felt shame and regret instead of using anger to avoid those feelings. I then understood why I played video games as a form of escapism and a safe place to socialize. I realized what I was missing in my life and also why I needed it. Therapy allowed me to be a detective and interrogate myself for answers and understanding how I made decisions. This all played into more mindfulness. I could now understand my thoughts, calm my emotions, reduce stress and anxiety, and also appreciate my achievements in life. Most importantly, I gave myself the ability to be in the moment: right here, right now. Anxiety doesn't let you do that. It takes time. Good luck on your adventure. This Saturday will be a year without gaming for me. If I can do it then so can you. We all can.
  8. Something that helped with morning issues for me was realizing I felt depressed and less motivated to do activities during the day if I masturbated or watched porn in the mornings. It's different than having sex with a lover in the morning because they're real and your body releases certain chemicals during it, but when you're alone it just acts differently and it makes me lethargic and uninterested. I got upset about this and stopped. I hate hurting my own feelings.
  9. I read your diary. I was also severely addicted to Runescape and owned two clans. One clan I owned was from 2007 to 2011 during my late teens and one I owned from 2016 to 2018 in my mid to late 20s. Each clan had people in my age group and I didn't feel alone. I wrote a few big diary entries over the year about how these people are not actually your friends. I miss the discord voice sessions and talking to people, but once you voice your displeasure in gaming you will lose them all. My therapist compared them to alcoholics at a bar trying to get you to drink with them. It took me years to understand why I was addicted to runescape. I always thought I was an introvert and stayed online most days. The issue was all I did online was try to make friends and talk to people. My life outside runescape was terrible. If I actually played the game for exp I would be so far past a max account both in rs2 and old school rs. I'd play castle wars and then clan wars for hours. I wanted friends so badly. I now have many friends from college, work, and hobbies to keep me away from gaming and it has helped. As for female posters on this website I would suggest talking to silverlining, vera, lea, and Catherine among others that I've followed over the past year. There are more. I just know them the best if you're looking for that perspective as well. If you have any questions feel free. Welcome to the forums.
  10. Thank you for writing this. That's very true about perspective. Sometimes I feel fortunate to be alone in certain situations or I'm glad that I'm emotionally secure enough to not date someone terrible for the sake of not being alone. It's definitely a test of will to avoid bad relationships. There are women who have entered my life and I know right away that they're not going to open my heart up or sing the tune of life I'm hoping to sing. This kind of dreaming might have me looking for someone impossible to find and I'm fine with that because I know when I find her I'll cherish every second with her.
  11. liam

    Never again

    Welcome! I love this goal. Think of how good this will feel, and know that if you play this CANNOT happen. Every time you feel an urge to play, remember this!! 😄 I wish you all the best
  12. Eloquently written, BooksandTrees. I wish there was some magic wand that we can wave, wherein our wishes are granted, and presto! Suddenly, our soulmate is standing before us! I don't want to be cryptic about how lonely it is to be single, but it can be very difficult when you see other people who are truly in love with their SI, and we find ourselves going home alone every night. It is not easy. And I laugh to myself when I read blogs about single people living an amazing fulfilled life. Yes, that can be true in some areas, but there are bouts of loneliness that creep up and utterly consume us unawares. I suck at giving advice, but I'll share what helps me get through some of the loneliest times in my life. I remember that there are people in relationships who are lonely too. They have a significant other, but they are trapped in that toxicity. I know it's the worst thing to do, to compare ourselves, but it gives me perspective and maybe feelings of gratefulness that I am not in a similar situation. I also remember that the loneliness will pass. It will hurt like fire and brimstone from hell, but it will pass. And it's okay to feel that way sometimes. It sounds like you are doing so well in your journey without gaming, and I admire how far you've come. I truly hope that one day you'll find the right lady for you, as it seems that you're a very thoughtful and sensitive man. It was so nice to read this because I don't often understand a guy's perspective about love and relationships. It was nice to look at it through your eyes too, not that you represent every male out there, but it was still a touching post to read. So, thank you, and blessings to you. Peace out.
  13. Inspirational journal, 30_yrs_of_gaming, to say the least. Wonderful news that you found your true soulmate, and kudos to you for keeping your gaming in check. :)
  14. Social Group Adventure Wow. Just wow. So I came home tonight after spending two and a half hours at a local knitting group meet-up. And I was shocked to my socks. I met a bunch of ladies, of varying ages, ethnicities, and social backgrounds. And man, were they ever bad-ass knitters. And I mean that as a compliment. Almost all of them sported tattoos, except for three people. They talked (or rather 'we' talked) about everything under the sun. Politics even, sex, movies, and everything in between. I was laughing so hard throughout the entire night, and was so surprised at this outcome. I've joined up to the next meet-up in two weeks. I had such a good time lol. For all of you naïve people out there who stereotype a typical knitter.....this group will throw that idea right out the window lol. Hm....now I'm thinking about getting a tattoo! lololol Peace out.
  15. Hi I'm Alexander. I'm a married 28 year-old software engineer and I'm ready to quit games for good. I've been playing video games on and off since I was 5 years old. I've tried to quit too many times to count, sometimes I can stop playing for a few days, sometimes months at a time. However, I always fall back into them figuring that they're not that bad. As the years have passed quitting on and off, I've realized that when I'm not detoxing from games I have a lot more brain fog. I'm not able to focus as well on my work or household chores, and not able to enjoy real life activities when I think about games. This has lead me to realize that I need to take quitting more seriously and get rid of games for good. I've listened to all of the Game Quitters podcasts and Gaming the System podcasts up to this point and have found them to be very inspiring. I highly recommend them to anyone on this forum. It has been 3 days since my last relapse, but I'm ready to seriously commit to staying game-free this time. -Alexander
  16. Tonight I face some loneliness. I haven't rock climbed in a bit. I worked late this weekend but I also saw friends and family on the days I didn't work. I watched hockey and enjoyed it. I'm just a little lonely is all. I may have mentioned this in the past, but my way of thinking has shifted from trying to leave my mark doing something incredible to be idolized by to trying to live a wholesome life. I want a hug when I come home. I want to fall in love and see a new world in my lover's eyes whenever I look into them. I want to hold someone and understand what unconditional, cherished love means. As close as I am with my parents now I just can't look at them with happiness anymore. It's tough for me to sit across from either of them and look them in the eyes. I love both of them and I also hold a lot of memories of them hurting me. I've forgiven them and no longer hold visceral hatred towards them. There's just something in my heart that pulls away from them when I'm with them. My soul is almost detached because of what I've experienced with them. It's a whole other life and I'll never allow myself to trust them at such a deep level again. That's what hurts. That's why I'm empty most days. I wish I could find someone who I just can't live without and love them so much. I'm not looking for them to save me. I just want to experience the journey of love and happiness. Overall, I'm happy. I'm in a wonderful place in life. Sometimes I see documentaries of people doing things and the first person they celebrate with is their wife. I long for that and hope I can find someone who could ever love me that way in return.
  17. Good job taking the first step Dan. I've been gaming since I was 5 also. 28 now, I've tried to quit so many times, but I keep relapsing. I can relate a lot to your story. They're always on my mind and I'm going to do my best to quit for good this time. I have to stop this needless distraction from my real life. Best of luck to you. -Alexander
  18. Hey Natalie, Good to read some of your journal and progress! I'm also trying to get back to reading scripture from the Bible too. My background is Christianity. I don't have time to read everything you wrote right now, but will do that a bit later this week. It's inspiring to see that you're reaching your goals.
  19. Yesterday
  20. I want to change BC I have just created a forum acc and Im gonna link to some of my reddit posts and accounts and I want the viewers to know it’s the same person as me and not another person linking to someone else’s reddit posts. I posted this on reddit too-
  21. Day 9, Consecutive no gaming days: 1; total gaming time:6-7 hours; screen time (non-productive): all of yesterday I'm on here instead of writing a business proposal for a meeting today. So I lapsed several hours after sending my 7-consecutive days post - to "reward" myself for being so good. Actually, I think a part of me is trying to sabotage any success I may have at this (or anything else). I spent all of yesterday looking through this site and watching "Science and Futurism with Isaac Arthur" (free promotion) on the Tubes. Today is going to be an emotionally challenging day with 2 difficult meetings to attend. Goal for the next 24 hours: -> stretch my resistance to urges: 1) definitely no gaming 2) no unproductive screen time (so what am I doing now?) 3) observe my avoidant behaviour; observe my urges; 4) no porn or masturbation 5) keep busy and tire myself out with tasks as they arise or follow to do list if I can't think of anything productive to do byee
  22. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 177: I did about half the tasks I had planned for today, which is still good. I went out with a friend in the evening. NF - 0 days I keep messing around in bed again in the morning, so I confess to hold myself accountable again.
  23. This is a good reminder because it safe-guards our self-esteem. It's so easy to compare ourselves, I have done it multiple times. It's not easy to steer clear from those thoughts. But RezaMrb made another good point; write everything down that you've accomplished, or want to accomplish, or would like to improve on. Write it down. It's basically a history of written accomplishments that will remind you how far you've come. It will also inspire you, I think. I decided to create a journal on here even though I'm not so addicted to gaming, the journal will help focus my ambition into narrow goals that I am able to accomplish over time. I used the 'search' button for ''social anxiety' to find your post, btw, and others who also experience SA. I cope with the same thing, and for a time I felt badly for myself too. But we can only grieve so much. We must take action to change our circumstances, and not wait around for us to 'feel' motivated. It's actually the opposite. Action 'precedes' motivation, which will then increase motivation. If that makes any sense?
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