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  2. Day 8. "Relaxed & Productive." I"ve been busy at the beginning of the week and I'm trying to not stress and fret about my huge list of stuff I have to try and get done. I just pour regular amounts of energy into it and try not to overheat my systems and fry my brain too much. I did a lot at the beginning of this week so today and tomorrow are a bit more laid back. Honestly, if you look at the list below and some of my journal entries, I'm a pretty perfectionistic kind of dude. I need to take a chill pill, like daily. I put a lot of pressure on myself. But it's something in what @BooksandTrees recently said to me that kind of triggered something it seems. Anyway, I've got BORING paperwork to do today, market research for the business I'm starting, pension stuff, ... I've gotten around to getting the right software for my new PC (Thank you Ninite.com!) and I've even found a moment today to meditate and enjoyed some guilt-free Netflixing! I've removed the app that limits my time on Reddit & Netflix even. Can you believe it? As if I trust myself more nowadays to get stuff done but also to relax in time. Yesterday I went to a coffee place to read a book! What a mindfuck. I would normally never do this! To be honest, the book is a huge mindfuck, though. And today I even thought about learning how to code. Obviously I'm probably not going to do that. But I like how my brain would welcome a challenge like that, learning a new skill. Stuff like that makes me happy. I mean, nowadays I know Krav Maga, I know some Japanese and can hold my own in a basic conversation, I can snowboard, ... I've come so far from being the game-addicted shut-in... And because of the Burger King ad, my face is everywhere XD I've even been turned into a GIF! Now there's a life goal achieved! What's left to do? -2 more emails and I'm up to speed with my emails, all of them! There's still one big one left, but it's a HUGE file I need to fill in about starting a business and I have over a month to do it. So I'll just put that a bit more down the list of priorities. -There's only 1 important document left, the rest have been taken care of. I do miss a desk or working space. The move has turned our place upside down and chaos is the enemy of organization. -I should try to get all my paycheck slips and send it to the company that paid me for a few months of sick leave, they need them to pay out the final amounts. -I got a new computer! There's still some programs missing, like an antivirus and other stuff. But I've almost gotten that taken care of. Just a few tweaks to go now! -I should probably try and go pick up my old computer from the shop. I could then remove some RAM-cards and my old drive and see if I can implant it in the new one to make it faster. -I want to start posting stuff on my social media and be funny and get popular to make sure that when I launch my business, I can hitch onto the already present growth online -I should try to contact, review and coordinate with my friend, the graphic designer, to talk about my social media, color codes, a website and content -I want to get a haircut. -I want to contact my barber and a tailor to doublecheck if everything is set for the big birthday party in April. I'm getting a tailored suit and hope to lose enough weight by then to have an okay body and maintain that or I won't fit my suit anymore. -I have an important meeting next month with somebody to see if I could get some government support for my business. But the required application is a monster I need to tackle first. -I should try to contact a company called SABAM to make sure that whenever my face or voice is used commercially, somebody checks if it's legal and if I get paid properly. It seems and impossible mission to do this myself, so I want to find somebody who can. -I want to check out a company called win-winner, because they help out start-ups like mine -I want to contact a few banks about small business loans to compare their rates and also contact those same banks and my own independant insurance broker to look at different insurance products for start-ups and how I could benefit from those personally and perhaps with my girl in tow -I want to contact DeAuteurs, a company that pays out royalties for scripts and written media, I should get some help with this asap. -I want to check out VOKA, another company that helps out startups -I want to check out SMARTbe, a company that helps the payment and administration of freelancers -I want to binge the E-learning of the place I just got my business education from, it's basic, but all knowledge is good knowledge -I want to get more gigs as a training actor -I want to ask my local government what kind of programmes they have in place for startups like mine -I wantto check out something called startit.be; another company for startups -I want to try and sell my kitchen table. Recent highlight: My girlfriend expressed her pride in me. The hearplay coming together, the Burger King ad, starting up my own business, exercising again, ... Budget status: I'm lucky I'm getting paid royally for the ad I did. I have a meeting next week to see about unemployment cheques. That'll probably determine my fate the next few months... My one goal for the next 24h: Tomorrow night is probably one of the biggest improv gigs of my life. About 500-1000 people attending and we have to entertain them for 1 hour and it's all set in a Harry Potter universe. Fear and adrenaline, here I come! Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Still going strong. -Make the bed - Done! -Drink enough water - If I work from home, it's not that hard, to be honest. Nailed it yesterday and today. But sometimes this is the first habit to slip away. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it this morning. Healthy and clean! -No daydrinking at home alone - It's been a while. There's some cold beer in the fridge, gin and other stuff in the cupboards. But I don't really get a craving like that anymore. Usually it's more towards sugar or something else. A treat of some kind or a snack. I guess you can never win 100% in terms of health or cravings, huh? 😉 -Meditation - Meditated today. But I almost fell asleep. I guess that's why I should sit up straight instead of lie down. -Exercise once this week - My legs are still a tiny bit sore. But there's Krav Maga tonight and I'm sure I'll come back home from that with a smile! Speaking of which, I better go get my bag ready!
  3. OK I guess if nothing else I can use this as a way to express my thoughts on everything that's going on so here goes. I don't think my desperation and neediness has anything to do with a lack of options. I believe it stems from the following: - concerns about my age (33), and being able to find a partner and still be able to have a family, which is critically important to me - concerns about spending prime years of my life alone and not enjoying them with someone else and by that I mean I don't want to rush into starting a family, I want to spend a lot of time with someone before moving on to marriage/family/etc. kind of things - concerns about how long it's going to take to get myself "right" before I can pursue a healthy relationship Whether or not any of the above is rational or based in fact, those are the issues that I need to deal with. Some other things that are going on: - occasionally when I get a text while I'm dating someone, I'll get a short burst of anxiety about whether or not it's them that's texted me - when I meet new women it doesn't take long for me to start fantasizing about what it would be like to be in a relationship with them - I have this idea somewhere deep down that women are these perfect creatures that can do no wrong and it's my job to impress them in order for them to want to be with me Again, whether or not any of this makes sense, these are things that I'm dealing with. These aren't conscious thoughts that I get. They come out as feelings and emotions, or random thoughts I didn't consciously come up with. Especially with point #2, I'll occasionally allow myself to get caught up in them before I snap back to reality. My last interaction with a new woman was someone who texted me about doing indoor rock climbing together. She got my number from the climbing gym. At first I was able to keep myself in check and recognize that she's probably only looking for that, but it quickly turned in my mind into a potential dating opportunity. Even though it was plainly obvious to me during our climbing session that a climbing partner was, in fact, all she wanted, I still attempted to plant the seeds of something more. She picked up on that and doesn't want to continue climbing with me because of it. I don't really know what the "norm" is for gaming addicts with respect to life experiences, but I'm in a situation where the first 32 years of my life were not spent making any progress towards what I really wanted out of life. From reading a lot of journals and other posts around here, it seems like a lot of people still mostly lived fairly normal lives and were making progress towards bigger and better things, and were just hampered by a gaming addiction. Not so for me. I learned this year that I really love music and want to learn an instrument, so I play the violin. I knew for a long time I had a passion for creativity and making up stories and characters, but it wasn't until the beginning of this year that I started doing something with that. I wasn't much of a reader at all until this year as well. Even my fitness, I didn't really start taking it very seriously until August of last year. Essentially, the way I see it, my life didn't actually begin until late August last year. I've made some AMAZING progress since that time. I think I'm mostly in a really great spot both physically and mentally. I'm very happy with the majority of my behaviours, attitudes, etc. My mistake was trying to find a girlfriend before I really learned how to love myself and be comfortable and happy just being alone. Another thing I've made amazing progress with. I don't think I'm that far off. That's what I need to really learn - how to be single. How to be happy and comfortable being alone. I think I'm on the right track to getting there. I still have one major issue (fast food) that I don't even want anyone else to have to deal with. I've seen what addictions can do to friendships, families, relationships, etc. and my one major goal for 2020 is to overcome that. If that's the only major thing I accomplish in 2020, I'll be extremely happy with that, and I think overcoming that issue is going to be the catalyst for major progress everywhere else.
  4. Keep it up! And protect your kids! I feel like the more work you put into yourself and improve your situation and life, the more your kids will benefit from it too!
  5. That's a great quote! It reminds me of one of my favourite songs. It's about expressing how tomorrow may be better, working towards a better future and all of that, yay goodies! But it's okay to fucking scream about how today really fucking sucks XD
  6. Today
  7. Curiously, that's not a thing that I reflexed on beforehand. Being more open is naturally a factor, but it is more of a consequence/benefit from this activies than a reason to do them. Thinking about it right now, I think singing/acting involves a lot of "expressing yourself". Some people express themselves exceptionally well, for example, by painting. Or drawing. Maybe just talking. I don't think I already found my form of expression. But I like singing, for example, and I want to give it a try. By the way, thanks for the question man, made me reflect a lot about questions unanswered in my life, I appreciate it.
  8. To answer your questions directly, my social circle is actually very healthy. I've got a good mix of both male and female friends that I can reach out to at any time. It isn't a huge group, but I prefer deep over shallow. I don't go out too often, but that's by choice rather than necessity. If I really wanted to I could be doing something social with friends nearly every day. Your advice will be very useful at a later time so thanks for it, but right now I wouldn't be a very good boyfriend even if I was in a relationship. I actually do not care at all about "having options". The concept doesn't even register in my mind. If I only ever have a relationship and sex with one girl ever (assuming it leads to a life-long partnership), I'm completely happy with that. I find the entire dating and chasing thing extremely exhausting. In short, the typical "rules of the game" really don't mean anything or apply to me. If that somehow means I won't ever find the right person, I'm at peace with that, at least in my head. That being said, all of this may change as I become more confident and sure of myself. I just hope I don't lose the parts of myself that I value in the process. I'll post more later but I gotta go!
  9. Hey, lately some pretty big problems with being productive. Im trying to make it step by step. Its not like im the whole day unproductive but some issues in the family made it really hard to do my work. So its definitely not 100% my own fault. Of course all of us can be productive even in hard times. You can literally work everywhere/everytime. But as humans we normally have preferences, we are no machines. Like we do in our gaming detox it as hard as possible to get back to games(sell pc, sell steam acc etc), we should also try to make it as easy as possible to be productive. I remember in the past I always thought like: ‚Hey, you need to make this detox, but dont make it easy. Let the games installed etc. you have to prove yourself you can make it‘. I somehow have this mentality everywhere. Even in games I hate to play sneaky. I am the guy who likes to rushing in, even he knows he will lose, even he knows what is smarter. But I hate it to play ‚intelligent’(sneaky). Thats also a reason why I got so mad by playing lol. People played with their mind did a bit dmg over time to win the round at the end. I was like’Just go in’. I always thought I had to win in the hardest way to prove I am strong. But I am not that strong and thats totally okay. No one at the fcking world makes it harder for him to achieve something. Everyone tries to make it as easy as possible. So I have to do that too. I am not sure how to manage again to be productive with medical school.Its not like I dont do nothing but I just cant do my work after classes(exhausted at least I say that to myself). Normally I wake up early and do my stuff. Thats cool because I learn 6-8 hours and then i have the whole day free. But that only works in holidays. During semester there are many classes... Yesterday I learnt at least a bit I will do that today too.. Who knows It can be the start of a productive time again haha... we will see guys
  10. Hello there, Let me share an interesting perspective that can clear up the fog of “I’ve made mistakes, who would even hire me” I lost my my first amateur boxing match. The disappointment was awful, but the coach walked up to me and said: in one defeat you gain more experience than in 10 victories. This advice has one proviso (you must be constantly pushing yourself to do better and gaining confidence by sharing with people who love you) I have an inverse situation to you. I learned the trick of memorising study material early on at school and it helped me through the university. I scored merit for my Master’s degree. Now mark this point, a person can have good grades but be unreliable at work. I was forced to leave two jobs before I realized its not just studies that determine success, developed character is crucial. There are A students that prove to be unreliable. There are C students that are well rounded to turn a business around. Not saying this from hearsay, but from direct experience.
  11. Advent calendar - 11/24 complete CBS Workbook - now on day 7 of week 12, we're gonna go back to the beginning Mom says afterward (how much longer until I can finally get back to my 52-week Bible reading plan to finish off the final five weeks worth?) Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder? I am around halfway complete. I binge-read the 2019 graphic novel "New Kid". It is about the seventh grader who is an artist like my sister except he does comic sketches that take up two pages each occassionally. My sister is pretty much more of a doodler each Sunday morning service lately. Here's something not in-sequence, but this is what an average Sunday morning is like to me over the past four-ish years since starting college: In a Sunday morning service, there's the local church worship music (mostly the CCM I was familiar with) which takes up the first half of the service and then a lecture-like sermon pops up in-person, leaving the time with the other half of the service before the congregation was dismissed. The total amount of time ran in an average service was 90 minutes. Oh! I wish there would be ten minutes of worship, five minutes of announcements, more than at least a required hour of preaching (I say approximately 70 minutes is good enough), and one more worship song like the good ol' days. I also wish more people would show up earlier before start of service or better yet the adult Sunday school class begins. So that way it would be better off each week; but however, I just can't regrow the number of how many congregation members unless I start a door-to-door soulwinning club to run a marathon at a dorm that was built over a year ago, so lost souls can be invited to my church. That's my opinion. Others surrounding me said we should cut a service by 30 minutes to an hour, so more people can come. It's their opinion, not mine. I respect them no matter what.
  12. How do your social circles look like? Do you have a social hobby outside of school/work, assuming these are not your passions? When/how do you meet attractive women in person? Give yourself venues to meet other people, preferably with shared interests. I think it's extremely difficult to try and have a romantic relationship without having a solid footing in the social environment as a whole, so nurture male friendships as well. Neediness and desperation come from the mindset that you have only X options and no matter how much that X actually is, you think that X is woefully low. It is scarcity mindset. I don't know what your age group is, but take a walk around some place for half an hour, like university campus or a department store, notice good-looking women and count them. It doesn't matter whether there's a guy right next to her holding her hand. Just count. All these suggestions/questions are fairly general, but I hope they will help you take stock of how are you currently doing in the social (dating) environment!
  13. Hi BgK Welcome to this forum that is a great place for inspiration for change. One thing that I noticed from reading a number of books is the distortion of perceptions. A person who has not had certain experiences for a long time, feels lost how to handle situations. In other words things that you have been estranged from by being absent look daunting and hard. But if you just go step by step and track your progress in a journal you will: -detect problem areas and solutions. -have less worry about setbacks and understand they are a natural path towards success -see what healthy activities give you a sense of achievement and great mood (for me its a good boxing match). Fighting an addiction is much easier if you track progress, build daily/weekly plans, review them and try new sound things, develop new habits.
  14. Do you mean technical production work or as a singer?
  15. 2019-12-11: day 41 90 day detox: | #########~~~~~~~~~~ | 45.6% Complete Today: went to sleep ~2.45am 😫 😱 read lord of the rings woke up ~8.10am brush teeth, breakfast + tea, make bed had a phone interview around 10am worked from home Activities: pray brush teeth breakfast + tea make the bed clean up phone interview Went to sleep late and woke up at the usual time. My fitbit recorded less than 5 hours of sleep... yikes. And I felt it when I tried waking up this morning but the day isn't going to wait for me just because I can't keep a healthy sleep schedule. Had a phone interview with a company that might be looking to hire me as a mid level engineer. More pay more responsibility and power over the software. It's exciting stuff. The interview went really well and I was patting myself on the back for how much experience I've gained to reach this point where I'm interviewing for higher positions. But then I tried to take a kind of coding assessment to get a small badge as part of the job searching platform I'm using but I absolutely bombed it. I felt so frustrated after because it was just 2 questions and I had over an hour to complete them. The questions themselves were pretty typical programming problems. One had to do with substring lengths and the other was about matching braces in a sentence. I knew I could have completed both of them eventually but this test was timed and I can't believe for routine problems like these I had so much trouble with them. I only got around to writing code for one of the problems also. It's frustrating because I've been programming for a while and now I want to transition into a mid level position and I feel like my proficiency in coding should already be at this point where simple problems are solvable and I'm scared I haven't attained the expertise that my resume suggests I have. I can take the test a couple more times and even thought about doing it again tonight but I was afraid I would start to over obsess about it and then not get any sleep. As it is my mind is already racing and thinking about why it was so difficult. I will try again but now I'm uncertain. My plan for tomorrow: Tomorrow: wake up 7.30am breakfast + tea, brush teeth, make bed Scala go to sleep by 12.30am read Lord of the Rings before bed Activities: pray brush teeth breakfast + tea make the bed clean up scala wedding stuff
  16. Hi Joeyk, is your husband working or studying? Take a genuine interest in his matters. See how open and willing he is to share. From what I have seen, by discussing these issues and listening to him, you will earn his trust. As he trusts you more and discusses issues, he will notice that he is of particular value to you. All gamers are blind/reject the addiction problem. But this kind of genuine interest shown to him without any insinuation of judging that the person is a loser etc. will help a person discover his problem. in my case, neither of my parents helped me to discover the magnitude of the gaming problem Because they used a patronizing/critical tone. Strangely, my english peers with whom I shared a flat during the academic career did. How? I was very fond of new connections (especially foreigners) and naturally I try to impress these people. The gaming impacted my social skills and the friends would find some things amusing/funny without being abusive. They never really encroached on my Ego and at some point I didnt give two shits about it. “I have to be more like these guys, these games aren’t anything great to live with!” Was my inner feeling. to add, if you really discover improvements and develop your skills, the husband may get the same kind of “woah, its embarassing to be so primitive around this uniquely interesting person” effect. hope my post can be of help to you.
  17. @BooksandTrees whoa that's fantastic Yeah I've tracked 2 nights of sleep and they're not good. I've been going to seep a lot later since I've been doing tasks pretty much up until the point where I want to start sleeping but then I take even longer until I'm actually going to sleep which is, exactly like you said, to my point of exhaustion. Are you sleeping in a cool enough environment? yes ✔️ Are you staying up to the point of exhaustion? yes ❌ I notice that if I fall asleep softly to that first wave of tiredness I sleep better. (great suggestion!) If I stay up late to the point of exhaustion I feel battered in the morning. (yeuuuuup) Staying hydrated before bed is good (no alcohol or caffeine), but also don't drink water 1 hour before bed. yeah I try to avoid caffeine after 1pm-ish and alcohol I try to avoid before bed I turn off all of the lights and try not to use my phone. nope ❌ I'm really bad at this I stopped watching porn before bed also. Yup! ✔️ pretty much the worst thing for me to do before bed I brush my teeth an hour before bed instead of 5 minutes before bed because it feels like a task and I can't unwind after it. no ❌ yeah brushing is such a chore, great suggestion. I try not to read anymore before bed because it keeps me thinking. I now just try to take deep breaths, relax, maybe meditate or just watch TV far away from my screen. for me reading is great and TV activates my brain too much. I think all the pictures and when I close my eyes my mind starts replaying everything. Same thing but worse if I was playing video games. Exercise also helps. no ❌ I don't exercise and I really should I really really really want to try and fix my sleep so all of this is invaluable!
  18. I was dumb tonight and ate very poorly and don't feel well. I'm very upset with myself about this. Complete ignorance. I went to bed, had a full dream, woke up with extreme heat in bed. It's only been 1.5 hours. It's also like 10 degrees outside, but the blankets on my bed address so warm it's over 100 degrees. I'm cooling off right now in the winter. This is silly. I need to take better care of myself.
  19. Thanks, @Erik2.0, and all very sound advice. The gym has been helping on days when I go. At some point I will need to redevelop a meditation habit. It's been a while. Day 229 No VG - 229 days, journaling - 5 days left, no sports news - 44 days, NF - 9 days, SOB - 10 days, NNO59 - 16 days, NIA1030 - 12 days left Small amendment to no internet after 1030, journaling is considered acceptable. I don't want the two habits competing against one another should I get home late like today. I also wouldn't want to influence my decisions on whether or not I go to the gym. Today was much calmer, but still a slog. Caught some breaks today. Hit the gym after. I could live there if my body would tolerate it. It's really starting to get addictive, FINALLY! I just need to make sure I do it right this time and stay injury free. I also had a fun incident today where I sheared off the rubber on one of my windshield wipers since I didn't get all the ice off. I got a new one after work and spent about an hour figuring out how to remove the old one (not OEM!) and 2 minutes to install the new one. I'm just happy I learned something new and that no one offered to help and destroy my manhood!!! (Just kidding...) Stressing a little bit over the internet curfew. It did definitely influence ,my decision to do this last. I may need to tweak some more after this week or next. We shall see if the positive changes are there.
  20. Yeah man, just go for it. I have some good news for you--you won't die if you do! I was 26 last year when I started too. I sucked big time when I started since I was so trapped in my head and so self-conscious. I nearly quit this past spring since I felt was struggling mightily with one of the classes I was taking, coupled with all the stress of giving up games at the same time. However, I stuck with it, and I'm starting to learn to enjoy the progression more than the results themselves. As long as I keep improving, it's worth it. And that's awesome you're thinking of taking singing classes too! That sounds like a lot of fun. Out of curiosity, what is it about acting and singing you like in particular?
  21. DaBest

    Ikar's Diary

    AHHHHH! That's amazing...you actually did it! Now I don't feel quite as weird , haha.
  22. Hey, Congrats on being the #1 engineer. Sorry it sounds so stressful. I find work is pretty damn stressful haha. That just seems to be the nature of it. But, find a way to destress and take good care of yourself as much as possible. Eat healthy, sleep early, meditate and pray daily. Etc ❤️. Maybe there's a way you can do your job that makes it less stressful while still performing well. Or maybe there's a different job that you're qualified for like you said. I like staying at places. I like to find a groove and just sit in it, haha. Kind of like Homer Simpson and his couch. But the couch is various areas of my life and I'm not a fat couch potato. Okay I do like the couch though. That's pretty epic you've been off gaming so long. I encourage you to be gentle and take care of yourself some my friend.
  23. Hi Everyone, So gaming is creating a big problem for my life, I am looking to find the new version/inner protential of my self. 25 years male from NZ, I am facing gaming along with depression. Some days I just don’t have the strength to face this world. Getting out of the bed in the morning is especially hard. When everything is overwhelming it’s gaming that can remind me I am a very capable person and have some values to the world. Some times I game for the whole day without eating anything. I need some changes. Three days passed now, I start wondering how will this 90 days journey go. Throwing gaming out of the window, I lose the main source of my confident. When things are getting tough, I lose the place that I can go to hide out. When life seems meaningless, I lose the source that gives me meanings , well yes, just temporary meanings . What i am looking for during this hard time, is what probably everyone else is also looking for - the potentials in you that you didn’t realise before and what possibilities you can have with your life. Just want to say hi here👋please forgive my English if it doesn’t make sense. What does make sense is our common hope for the best
  24. Thanks for the book recs! Your site is awesome, looking forward to checking out respawn.
  25. Hey y'all, I don't normally say y'all, but when I do . . . I drink Dos Equis. Hehe, just kidding I don't drink. If I stick with this game quitting that's two things I don't do. I don't think I'll be getting anymore into abstinence though. Well, life is continuing on full speed ahead with or without gaming. I like to keep in mind that it says on this site, "After 90 days of not playing games people felt better!" I definitely felt better after 90 days of detoxing before. I just decided to try gaming again and decided I wanted to go without it. Now it's been . . . about three weeks without games. It's hard for me not to play because I'm a counselor and my client plays games. I believe if I played with him as he wishes me to do, we might get along better and have better sessions. He would trust me more and want to see me more. This would probably mean I'd make better money if clients want to see me, they'd show up for sessions. Haha >: D I love them too though I'm not just about the money! C'mon. I started watching Smallville to try to connect with a girl I'm texting on Tinder. Yes, the struggle is real. I think I might continue with approaching girls in person too. I've done some small amount of that with varying success. I know this isn't a pickup site, thank God those sites get too wild for me right now. But, if it's a site about quitting gaming what do you talk about other than what you're doing with your time now? Anyways, I don't know if I just suck at messaging girls (possibly) or it's because I'm Asian and Asian men statistically get lower response rates on dating sites. But, I seriously get like almost no one talking to me beyond one or two messages. I don't care what difficulties I face though. I'm going to keep persevering in trying to meet women on dating apps and or through approaching women in person. Yes, I'm crazy. . . crazy for love. ❤️ That was awkward even for me to read. I did the free quit gaming in college course on here and loved it. I still read the SMART goals I made from that every morning! I feel like they really help me keep persevering towards concrete goals instead of just wandering aimlessly pleasure seeking moment to moment. Don't worry, I still do plenty of that. Haha. I'm a Christian, but I've been getting a little more lax about my faith. Get your barf bags because this might be too much information. For a while I was trying to be abstinent from swearing, masturbation and sex before marriage. It felt good, but I feel like it was kind of reaching too far for me. Like trying to be super saintly just wasn't in the cards for me. So yeah, I do those things now. Although if you read the first part of this post, the sex part isn't happening atm. XD haha I was bodybuilding five days a week, but I was getting kind of tired so I'm reigning it back in to do a three day split this week. I'll see how it goes. I'm just happy to keep hitting my five compound lifts: squat, bench, deadlift, row and overhead press. I'll tell you my numbers if I'm still lifting in like six months and they're at a more respectable level. I did powerlifting before with a weight belt and now that the belt came off I can't seem to lift anywhere near my old numbers T.T Well, there's always a bunch more to talk about and I'll save all that for next post. You're getting all the good stuff anyways no worries. God bless you all and if you're reading this then I pray that you get your life together to where you're happy and content with it. And the same for me! Amen. Respectfully, Erik2.0 Yes I do realize Tosh2.0 already did this. But, I didn't think I'd actually keep posting when I made the name and now that I have I don't want to remake my account. Although I would make it ErikXL. That name just sounds sleazy. I think this copycat account of tosh is better. K later.
  26. Thanks man. I see how focusing on myself goes back and forth with a romantic interest. I'm looking at different hobbies to try to get to know people and develop my own life too now. Keep it real!
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