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  1. Today
  2. I've gone through so many different Self help phases and coaches. Dating related, being more honest, courage building, spirituality, pornography related, emotional repattering, this is the first time I've done one from a gaming perspective and it feels like I'm finally attacking myself from the right perspective. My point is don't be afraid to try different angles and get caught up on one methodology. Many of them are similar in mindset but a change in perspective slightly and focusing on the actual problem you are having can make a huge difference. So if you keep failing with one it may not be due to commitment issues it's simply a bad fit for what you need. I personally gave into my gaming addiction and quit personal development for two months and lived life to see what would happen if I didn't fight it. I was comfortable but not very fulfilled or happy. Still it was a way of living but I eventually was able to absorb the limit of the lifestyle and realized I was at a point of this is as good as it gets behaving in this way. The turning point for me was being annoyed that anytime someone asked me what I did for fun all I could say was videogames. Even though I knew I wanted more.
  3. Oh boy where do I start I have a headache today was a bit sad still I'm making progress I just watched the video that comes after downloading app and website blocker I've got rid of my switch downloaded a focus me app and put pornhub xvideos and xnxx because fuck it on timeout and will continue to do so its so weird watching a dude have sex with women and get off on it nah man I'm all Gucci no porn for me. I'm not a chuck maybe I secretly like it eh.... gross but seriously I'm good blocked YouTube and reddit for a day. My sadness is just eating a bunch of food but I didn't eat the fucking Wendy's I ate a giant bag of popcorn the root beer a kit Kat a sandwich pork beef yeah not the greatest but I did finish off a jug of water and some komboocha so not bad it's always a challenge maybe I should just allow myself to get fat and accept that I eat bad instead of labeling it as something g I have no control over I always choose to eat the Wendy's drink the soda eat the kit Kat even if it's overwhelming its not right for me to say it's cut I'm overwhelmed if I'm going to eat it I should just accept I'm eating it rather than saying oh it's my depression my sadness my happiness it's because I can't play videogames no MO. My problem my action my choice. Blah such a pain to make changes I'd like to start a yoga routine or workout early currently waking up at three in the morning going to bed from 7-9 so that's dope work is a little easier to fucos on I hate my job but I'm in the military so for now I'm going to have to focus on doing my best there getting qualified and understanding what I want and who I am without the videogames that chapter is closed so let's get excited for whom I can become yeah yeah.28 and onward will be my years to really see what I'm made of. I had good times playing yeah I did. A little sad but I'm ready to move on. I'm glad I can share this with others I don't have to keep the randomness of thoughts and what not to myself enjoy my fractured sentences and spelling errors free form journaling is the best and therapeutic for me. God damn auto type le.ee misspell sgit. Night guys.
  4. I have tried many times to quit gaming and have started many different journals on this website. It has been the commitment that I have lacked to keep this going like many of you have. I quit again 6 days ago and have decided to try journaling here again as this community is very supportive and inspirational and the feedback that is given is usually very helpful for not only the OP but for all that read it. For me consistency is going to be the key so right now I am only going to commit to 1 post a week on this journal and take it from there. This latest chance of getting my life in order has come with a significant discovery that I have to accept that I can’t control this addiction. I have continued to try and quit so many times but each time previous I always told myself that I can try to play games in moderation once I had 3-4 months of quitting cold turkey. I let my brain trick me into playing again each time and I have learned from that. You see, I am also in recovery from a compulsive gambling problem which almost completely destroyed me, my family and all my relationships. My clean date for gambling is Dec 27, 2018 and I have done that 1 day at a time. I realize some in this community do not agree with 12 step programs which I have used for my gambling problem, others do agree and some are indifferent. It has worked for me and that is important to me and what works for one person does not work for everyone. There might be similar programs out there for addictive gaming but I have not found any real organized ones that suit me. Regardless it maybe doesn’t work for this addiction or there isn’t enough people out there to support it. I don’t know. One thing I will be doing here is using it sort of like a gratitude journal as well and commenting on my week that was. I am a married 49 year old man, father of 3 who has started to turn his life around for the better. I am grateful for each day that God gives us that I can wake up each morning another beautiful day to live for. One more day gambling free and one more day (now) free of gaming addiction. more to come next week. Thanks for taking the time to read.
  5. Yesterday
  6. Day 15! Simply wanted to journal because I am going through a high amount of stress and this is a helpful activity. Journaling I've had an incredibly joyful Monday- met up with a friend and my high school ex to play some board games. I have not seen them in over 1.5 years, and it was incredibly good in so many ways to just spend some time with them again. And it feels good to feel comfortable around my ex; hope she feels comortable around me too. Tuesday was a bit more difficult- I've had a lot of anxiety about not sticking to my to-do list and doing other things instead. This prevented me from being very effective, and from enjoying certain activities. However, I did get quite a bit of good things done, and watched a really interesting movie with my Family (American Beauty). Today has been okay! I nearly relapsed with porn, and was a bit more distracted by social media than usual, but have gotten a lot of things done. I'm looking forward to some more personal acitivities in the 2nd half of the day, and hope that I'll be able to get enough of the more urgent things done, too. My biggest worries: not getting smaller, personal things done on time like making presents for my partner (same as last week) being too tired to stay self-aware and relapsing with porn or just wasting time in other ways spilling out anger/frustration/agression on my family members My biggest goodies: I am being more relaxed with my schedule- not super on top of everything, but getting the right things done, on time I am practicing trombone regularly! though there isn't really a good reason to, I just enjoy it, and it will give me some goodies later on; it is important The weather is much nicer, and that impacts my motivation greatly- I want to rest less, and work more (even when I am outside in the sun) That's all I have at the moment. Thank you very much for reading, you are awesome! Po
  7. @BooksandTrees I have already taken action with regards to my diet. I just always feel hungry from the “right eating” but i think if i add more vegetables into my meals i won’t be as hungry. I cannot have much bread because I seem to be intolerant to yeast that is added to almost every type of bread. strangely, i feel drowsy and weak if I don’t have something sweet after every meal. My back is better but kind of the same. When I do exercise, on that day I feel more focused and less tired. I am sure that stretching on its own isn’t going to work and I need to swim at least three times per week.
  8. The earliest fully formed memory from my childhood is me as a toddler sitting in a high chair. My mom has cooked lentils for me to eat, and puts it down in front of me. She turns around to do something, and during that time I push the plate off the table and the food falls on the floor. My mother turns around and slaps me and starts yelling. I start crying. Now, through my elimination diet, I've realized that beans seem to trigger my acne quite a bit and are a food I'm intolerant of.
  9. Hi Everyone, My name is Nick and I am from Vancouver, British Columbia. It is great to e-meet everyone here. I have been a gamer since I was 8 and I just turned 30 this year. I recently deleted my League of Legends account permanently (Yes this is my 3rd time to do that) and I wish I had done that earlier in my mid 20. After I graduated from college, my addiction of League was out of control. I was jobless for 1 year because I chose to live in a fantasy world. There were times that I was so depressed that I wanted to slowly kill myself by gaming without any breaks. Perhaps my parents and my spouse will never understand what I went through (mentally), and sometimes I wonder what kind of life I could have without gaming: better career? better relationships? and better health? Perhaps I am just overthinking too much. What's done is done and I tried my best to move on without looking back. I know it is never too late to make a change. I have been working on myself in the past 2 years.... I am working full time and volunteering for a non-profit organization. Sometimes I still have the urge to game and I guess that will be part of me forever. But that's OK, I know I will move on and I feel I could do so much more with my free time, such as sharing my personal experience with you in this safe environment. Thank you for your time.
  10. Good luck with your journey. What is wrong with your back and how can you improve your eating habits?
  11. Today I started studying for real. I did 2 hours of studying and created a plan to study every day until October 22 for the exam. I did a bad job studying last time and I will make up for that mistake. I owe it to myself to put my best foot forward. I'm determined to work hard again. Something I haven't done in years.
  12. Weight loss was intended. I gained weight while depressed.
  13. Tue Aug 3rd Today was a little different mostly sadness mostly thoughts of inadequacy old familiar thoughts of not being good enough for anyone that I have a sexual attraction to or even remotely interested in .. yeah...... The main things that changed is I didn't start the day with my usual morning routine and not as much sleep and masterbation always leaves me feeling a little icky. I dunno man I'm used to being this insecure and it's probably part of what I wanted to avoid by gaming.... no matter what I said or did I was never good enough for a woman I am attracted to she can always do better and more successful. I did however give away my nintendo switch and deleted or am In process of deleting my steam account waiting for it to finalize but I did Uninstaller all games. I'm going to miss grinding out my characters in dead by daylight also building up my Feng min she was Bae I even bought a skin for her I liked it was nice and it was fun to level up many characters for many perks while I let my runescape account afk in the background. I had many a fun time on dark souls 3 playing my oc Suzie suns. My pyromancer my tank and everything inbetween. It's a little bittersweet to think I'm never going back but yeah I think 28 years is long enough for gaming it really was fun but I've hit my limit and I can't go any higher in life if I don't let the dead weight fall. 🙂
  14. Last week
  15. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 831: I did some paperwork, had English classes, went to the gym, watched a film and had a social evening. Day 832: I checked out the NMMNG forums after a long time, wrote here, did my (monthly?) financial checkup, worked out at the gym, watched two films, went to the shop, went for a walk and cleaned my car. Day 833: I worked on fixing my bike, cleaned my room, washed the dishes and visited my family. Day 834: I drove my car to the mechanic, cycled back home, had an English class, sent an email to my Erasmus coordinator, sent an email to a martial art group I'd like to join, sent out mails to get some job interviews in language companies and had a social evening with a friend. Day 835: Today - TBA. --- I checked on the financial news and my financial status and everything seems to be going swimmingly. For several months I've been regularly able to save over 50% of my income and I'm sitting almost at a double of what I had at the beginning of the year. This is mainly due to the fact I started having more English classes. Most of my money is in global ETFs, plus a few months' expenses on my savings account in case something goes wrong. Not to slack, yesterday I sent out about 15 emails to language schools, companies etc. to ask for interviews. I'm currently working for two companies, but it doesn't hurt to look around to see if there's more/better opportunities to look for before the start of the regular school year in September. I've sent out dozens, if not hundreds, of emails asking for a job interview and I've been to dozens job interviews and out of all these interviews actually only a few of them resulted in contracts. An interesting comparison is that I've been to more job interviews than dates in my life. It's a statistic. I brought my car to the mechanic, but my bike is in need of a mechanic as well. It's kind of an odd situation, but I hope I will get my car back soon, so that I can I have at least one of my transports operational. I'm gonna check out a BJJ training in my area in the upcoming days, maybe resulting in a new hobby for me.
  16. Day 2 August 2nd 2021 I was surprised by the effect not playing videogames had on me making the firmish decision to not play videogames really freed up much mental bandwidth today. I was far more sociable with friends at work. I was more upfront and honest with coworkers and higher ups about why I decided to quit playing videogames and the fact that I quit. Some thought it was silly others supported it happily it was amusing to hear. I am a little scared though will I be able to keep this up. I was very anxious and angry and agitated today I felt alot of aggression and sexual energy throughout the day and the mental fog was gone most of the day I wasn't feeling shameful of words I was saying or things I was thinking. Overall a very positive first day experience but as I stated above I'm scared that it won't last or that I'll find a reason to go back. Within the week I'm giving away my ps4 and nintendo switch that will leave me with my gaming laptop which I don't want to get rid of as it's a solid productivity laptop as well. So if I decided to continue learning about 3d animation and programming I have that. I'm just worried about relapsing with it. I don't know I see how important building a new social group is while going down this endeavor as of Sunday my first day of not gaming I laid in bed all day and watched YouTube and went to bed far earlier than usual. I just felt sad all day and then today it was more aggressive emotions. I'd like to get into new things I'm just worried I won't commit to this. However my mindset is if I didn't need to feel these things I wouldn't This is simply life's way of giving me what I need and not what I want.
  17. Suns

    My diary

    It sounds like you are using videogames as a way of not dealing with issues in your relationship I had a coach that was big on being honest with people. His reasonings the more shameful we feel about something the more we feel the need to hide ourselves. If you are avoiding honesty with your gf because you don't think it's going to go anywhere with her why do you feel the need to be dating this person in the first place? If you are afraid of appearing weak that's more of a reason to tell her. If a women thinks you're weak for struggling that's a her problem not a you problem. Besides many women when they complain about their SO not communicating this is what they are talking about. I'll leave with one last thing. What sounds like more of a respectable action to you? Telling a woman something you know might make her reject you or find you unattractive but you do it any ways because of your own integrity and well being is important to you over what others think. Or hiding something that's causing you harm in order to avoid losing her respect.
  18. Hey everyone! For some of you who've been here for a long time may know me. But for those of you who don't, I'm Ashley *waves* I'm 32 years old, married with two boys, and I've been an addict since I was a Junior in high school. The addiction got worse when I became a mom at 21 and suffering from post-partum depression. I've struggled for a reaaaally long time and to be honest, it sucks. I don't like, don't want it. I gotta detox. No matter how long it takes for me to detox, I'm going to get through it. I will be journaling on here daily. Later!
  19. Back after a few years of being away! Hey everyone!

  20. Hello, My name is Paul and I'm currently 27. Recently I have decided to quit playing any sort of mobile games as it has been a huge detriment to my life and affected my in many ways financially as well as affecting my relationship. I've always enjoyed playing video games, it got to the point where on my days off I'd spend the whole days playing games. Although that is already pretty unhealthy I gradually shifted towards mobile games as it's the only thing I can play while working. I ended up spending large amounts of money as mobile games are very predatory. I feel some of the reasons why I've sunk so much was because I had a feeling of being looked up to when I achieved so much in these mobile games. It may have also been because outside of gaming I feel very unsuccessful with anything else I've done. Today marks the second week that I've quit playing mobile games and spending on video games. I feel like I've been less stressed overall and finally making the first steps towards making improvements in my life. I'm hoping I can slowly rebound from this hole I've dug myself into. Anyways, thanks for reading this everyone!
  21. I went to my workout class today, it was hard and I felt nauseous towards the end. I hit all the definitions of a high sensitive person: https://tangramwellness.com/blog//the-highly-sensitive-body-handle-with-care I came across this a few years ago but forgot about it The digestive stuff is very accurate as well as the skin conditions too, aside from all of the introvert stuff Still not really sure what to do with this info though
  22. World of Tanks can be a dangerous combination of highly-competitive strategic multiplayer and random chance that can and will push people to spend money in order to improve said chances. It can be difficult to let an account go, due to the investment of time required to get a decent way in, and this is doubly so when an account is carrying premium vehicles, time, and currency. Account deletion, especially without first agreeing upon it with your father, is the nuclear option. Even if your father restarts his account, it may cause more harm than good in your relations with him, and could result in even more spending, due to wanting to catch up. Be sure that when you speak with him that you don't come off as preachy or condescending. You need to make it clear how harmful it was to you, and try to get him to participate in other activities with you in a calm discussion. I am no expert though. I was never truly addicted to World of Tanks due to it's awful systems, but I did still bang my head against a wall until the Black Prince, when I realized that things would never really get better. I wish you the best of luck.
  23. Day # 1 August 1st sunday Gratitude journal I'm grateful for my anger I feel right now it's overwhelming and I feel incredibly scattered I probably need to feel this right now. One amazing thing that happened/I did today quitting gaming Workout/run Meditation Visualisation Daily affirmation Reading + taking notes Getting to bed before 9pm I did that Weekly Goal(s) Monthly Goal 3 Month Goal What went well today: What I could have done to make my day better: Make a plan for the week write out some goals do some planning programs for my new future reconnect with myself internally What I will do differently tomorrow: those things stated above make some goals do my future authoring program by Jordan peterson
  24. Hey im Elijah as of Sunday august 1st 2021 ive decided to quit videogames cold turkey. I've needed this for a while but could really do as I was using gaming as a way to cope with my time in the military. While I'm still in the military it was really upsetting when I went to our rec center and the lady was asking me questions about what I enjoy doing and I couldn't give an honest answer about enjoying anything other than gaming. I realized it wasn't that I didn't try anything or do anything else it's just nothing compared to the high and emotional repression gaming gives me so it dominated my time. I decided to use that moment as a wake up call. I felt like mob from mob psycho 100 when ever he was asked if he had any hobbies or ambitions. For a comparison lol. I'm excited and I feel the first thing is to get my mindset right. Looking forward to the journey.
  25. Zero

    My diary

    A friend of mine was at my place for almost a week. Besides me having to work we did a lot of outdoor activities, working out together at my home and having a drink in the evenings. It was a nice time and I didn't think much about playing games, but since he left it's coming back. Also I realize how my brain tries to find an alternative for the games to still get that dopamine, because recently I feel a growing desire for drinking alcohol and watching movies, although I'm an occasional drinker and wasn't really interested in watching a lot of movies in the past few years. I really need to work on my self-organization, no matter if it's about work or my interests. Sometimes I feel it's all too much and I end up not getting forward at all, which makes me hate myself. When I start thinking about why I am like that, I realize that I have no real goals in life. I mean, right now I have a girlfriend and my own business, and of course there is the idea that I could have a family and make good money someday, but I don't feel any burning desire for that or anything else. It's all like: "...yeah, it could be, it might happen, but if not, doesn't matter..." All I know is: I want to live, but what I actually want to do with my life I don't really know I think...
  26. Doing well! Day 12, I guess? Journaling The last few days have been a large improvement in minimizing all of my bad habits: I stopped checking twitter every day in the morning, watching Youtube for 30+ minutes per day, scratching my head and face, and have overall been more proactive. Definitely feeling better- I think these things were numbing my loneliness (which is hitting up now, bleurgh). Fortunately, I am hanging out with friends tomorrow, and a week from then my sister, and then my partner, are both coming home. Yay yay! Can't wait to play board games with everyone and watch stupid movies and all that. Working has been good- I've got to do some Art-related things, both for recognition and for $$$, and overall there is a lot of variety amongst my tasks. I really want the in-person jobs to start sooner though, I've been doing things online for way too long. My biggest worries: not getting smaller, personal things done on time like making presents for my partner. getting more sad and facing all the drawbacks from that. my hangouts getting cancelled! My biggest goodies: I am on top of my schedule. Even when I do not get everything done, the day goes by quickly but memorably. I have been gettinng up felling not very sad or angry! I can actually think of a few things to look forward to as soon as I wake up. Summer is coming to an end, and this has been one of my overall happier summers! Thinking of it right now does not make me happy lol, but it certainly will once it's officially over! That's all for now, thank you so much for reading! Have an awesome weeeeeek Po
  27. Emotions are very tough to deal with. Sometimes i wonder if i should pre plan my dialogue regarding a subject to make sure I don’t go off course. was your weight loss intended?
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