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  2. 5/12/2021 Apologies for the lack of comms as of late. My new job has been very taxing mentally due to the steep learning curve and I've been struggling a bit with the ambiguity surrounding most decisions. I've been busy with life in general as I am still getting used to my new job and the new conditions that come with being a direct hire. It's been hard to be honest and a little discouraging at times. I tend to struggle with the ambiguity and any time where things are not super clear. In fact, this job makes me feel insecure and as a newbie, I am even more uncertain. I just ne
  3. Today was pretty amazing. I was very productive and managed to finish something that I feared might take me till monday. This makes the rest of the week way more chill and I might actually be able to do everything I want to. Tomorrow is a national holiday so I dont have lectures but I can finally catch up and do some work for my job as a research assistant. I will also go for a run tomorrow. Today I trained with the guy I find so hard to deal with but this time it was really nice, I feel like its also connected to how I interact with him, when I am nicer and a little more open he also see
  4. Raising the Cost of Re-Entry My old PC, recently handed down to elder child, had been dubbed Distractotron5000. I named it with a kind of ironic self-awareness: I could see clearly enough that I was using it to anesthetize myself. My new, stripped-down PC is dubbed Scriptorium, to reflect it's more serious purpose, related to my vocation as a scholar and a teacher. By the terms of the Grand Bargain I struck with myself a couple of weeks ago, I've left open the possibility of building a new PC for entertainment - perhaps the Distractotron6000? - at some point in the future. After a pa
  5. Woke up early today, it‘s key to start early and stay away from my phone. Still motivation is hard to find. 5 learning Days are left, and the topic is really damn hard. I feel like I‘m getting overworked after about 2 hours and brakes bring me out of my flow. After a brake I‘ve usually lost all motivation. I haven‘t found the right balance yet. All these learning techniques like Pomodoro don‘t work for me sadly. At least a positive thing is, that my back pain somehow got better, makes it easier to sit down a bit longer. Just wanted to do a quick update, it‘s a nice distraction , hav
  6. ________ 12th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: None - Social media platforms (all, not only about game anymore) : Reddit, Whatsapp, Zalo, Youtube. >> Actions today : > Last night Studied JPN like hell. Went to sleep at 2 A.M., was overthinking and stressed myself about dumb stupid things. > Morning I woke up at 6 A.M. Breakfast with oatmeal + banana again, I wonder if they put heroin in there, it's unstoppable to eat ! Went out for few things, Covid in here is getting worst, was scared af when going out. >Afternoon
  7. I use a PC everyday and work in Finance - I'm also personally interested in the markets etc. As @Zeno says, consider a business PC or something with minimal graphics - that stopped me playing many games. Also, if you have Steam, Blizzard, Epic etc accounts, go through the deletion process. It takes 30 days to complete the deletion and when I did it, it felt very liberating and a sober reality check. And for Stadia, its taken discipline to stop but I genuinely haven't had any desire at all to login for quite a while. It may sound odd, but I did a bit of a digital clean up (cleared out
  8. 12.05.21, 51 days I can't take it.
  9. I had a good meeting with my therapist today about how the medication I've been taking for depression and anxiety has really impacted me in a positive way. I rarely crave video games, I watch porn maybe twice per week or once per week tops, sometimes none at all for weeks. I just think this medication has helped me get to a point where I'm no longer ruminating and being consumed by anxious thoughts. This is important because I've already taken so many steps to developing coping mechanisms for stress and dealing with my triggers. Now that I'm no longer on an 8 out of 10 stress level I can
  10. May I ask if you're seeing a therapist? I forgot if you mentioned that. Congrats on dating this girl for 6 months. How is the experience vs dating your ex boyfriend? It's got to be strange or at least interesting? How is it impacting your life? I could reply to a lot of stuff you posted but I'd be here too long and it wouldn't make an impact. I think you should come back to the forums more often and write smaller posts over time after you get everything out of your system. It seems like holding everything inside has really taken its toll on you and burned you out. It might help you deal w
  11. Why are your texts so difficult to read lol? I was trying to catch up on your diary after my studying and the whole page 5 is white highlighted and this is very stark on page 6. What are these dreams and goals you've set for yourself?
  12. Find ways to deal with this. It's easy to give up and game again. Read your old posts and realize how unhappy you were. I suggest scheduling time for yourself to relax and reduce burnout, but also see if you're living life in a way to create sustainable balance such as consistent eating, sleeping, and working hours. Is there a meetup group or something you can do with others? Do you have a way to interact with clients? Family board game activities?
  13. Good luck on your finals and happy V-E day to you too. Stay strong and keep the pace.
  14. I wanted to report two things today: I went through my journals going back to 2015. Between then and February of this year I think I mentioned gaming -- and how much I hated myself for doing it at the expense of having something resembling an actual life -- at least 50 times. 🙄 My current web development class assignment is to create a simple blackjack game using Javascript. 😆 It's a different (and FAR more challenging) experience building a game than playing one. It's also -- dare I say it? -- kind of cool.
  15. Last week
  16. Today was also a pretty good day! I was quite productive but felt a little bit overwhelmed with everything I still have to do this week. I guess I will just keep pushing and do one thing after the other. I think I will be able to do everything especially because thursday is a national holiday so I wont have any lectures which gives me some extra time. I recently have been thinking about one of my training partners in grappling. Hes the one who can teach me by far the most at my gym but I just find it so difficult to interact with him. I find him to be quite unpleasant as a person so I am co
  17. Sure! Any hobby is great. To learn cooking I suggest visiting tasty.co, they have video instructions step by step, nutrition info for each recipe and tips from users.
  18. 11.05.21, 50 days Thanks for replies everyone, I appreciate that! The concept of studying 24/7 is surely an exaggeration, I simply wanted to note high study loads during college that I'm afraid I won't be able to handle even with time management — mental health issues, indeed, suck. And as @Amphibian220 said, "people are swayed heavily by peer pressure" and this exact statement is, sadly, true. "If you don't enter early then you've failed in life" and so on. However, I have to sacrifice my needs right now to get a stable job and move out as soon as possible because I think my family
  19. ________ 11th of May ________ - Game I'm playing currently: None - Social media platforms (all, not only about game anymore) : Reddit, Whatsapp, Zalo, Youtube. >> Actions today : > Last night After every thing else is done, I talked to a senpai for a while before going to study Japanese and practice piano. I have found an app for studying, it helps users to count the time with lovely UI designs! Last night was amazing before midnight, I felt hard to breathe again, all I did from 0 to 2 A.M. was sitting and binge watching Youtube before I could be able to slee
  20. Moved, and mostly settled in. I have 4 clients this week, and a full caseload for this position is 10-15. So already I'm so much better off than in my previous job. There's a lot of driving, too, which is relaxing. Right now I just feel so jacked up... I woke up at 6 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. Right now I have no reason to get up before 8. So, figured I'd journal, meditate, try and make the most of it... but the brain fog is real. And the tinnitus. It's like my brain is trying to push something out, and exerting all its energy doing so, and whatever it is is a square peg trying to
  21. Log: 11-05-21 Mood/feelings: Reflective, bit thick headed Positive activities: Cycling, walking Aim today: Get to 5pm and have been productive Days without gaming: 79/90 (midday at time of writing) 11 days to go Gaming is not the main problem. I believe that my gaming addiction is a result of my inability to be satisfied with life. I have overcomplicated and overthought for so long that I can't seem to process anything simply and my mind is a muddled mess. This 90 day detox/challenge has shown me what could be possible and I want to apply this to other areas of my
  22. Day 0 And, we're back! Predictably, ended up back on games while recovering from that bit of sickness earlier in the year. Still playing regularly in the evenings with some old school buddies - Which I'm inclined to keep doing for the social contact, with the provision that I keep the time slot restricted from 7-9pm. It's always those long solitary sessions creeping in that get me. Otherwise, things are going passably well. Got a big transition coming up at work in the next few months, so I wanted to fire up this journal again, just to keep a record and keep myself accountable while
  23. yayyyyy 🙂 hope that you will have the ability to keep up this streak of good days!
  24. Today was really great. I was super productive and didnt waste any time. I am really happy with myself. I worked out and did a lot for uni. I will do my best to continue strong tomorrow 🙂 I dont really have much to say mostly because of how good it went.
  25. Great hobbies, especially calisthenics! But I would focus a bit more. I also made plans to learn many new skills, in the end I got frustrated because I was overwhelmed and couldn‘t finish anything.
  26. I was at this point many times. I reinstalled Cs:go so many times and It was amazing. For the first two days I usually think: there is no way I‘m going to ever stop playing this game - surely there is going to be a way to implement it into my daily life in a healthy way. After 1 week though, I realize what affect it has on me. Your brain in addiction mode can‘t think rational and it does anything to get that „high“ you get from gaming. But think about it, what is going to make you happier in the long run? A sport or a game with virtual „pets“.
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