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  1. Past hour
  2. Sugar Detox - 24 days marked and counting on 100 Days of Thanks - 16% complete Duolingo - worked a bit more on Norwegian, yet read a bit of my stuff on Google Translate from English to Norwegian long into the night and I finished my translated copy of a document (most of it is computer generated while I manually did the rest paragraph by paragraph). CBS!Isaiah - started work on volume 2 and I thought to myself "some will be easier to answer than others" since I don't really have much of an expertise in surrounded pastoral care in terms of the restoration of health and other things to do for others (it has been at least 5 months now and I am still lonesome but bored; I just hate to be idle always) Any other stuff I'd like to work on BEFORE the next gender reveal livestream that ends this month (that's one full week from now)? Work more on Epic Fail (ch. 7+), deal with family life tomorrow, church, and other things to do whether it is mentioned or not from earlier in this forum of mine. Thank you soo much for reading! I'll see you Monday. Bye!
  3. Yesterday
  4. Damn dude your journal is so comprehensive, it's amazing you're keeping track of all this stuff. I get overwhelmed if I'm trying to change 3 habits at a time haha. ­čśä But it looks like things are going well! What programming course are you considering taking?
  5. Hey man, it's a bit late but just wanted to say Kudos for being clean for a week! ­čÖé It's important to give yourself a pat on the back for every milestone, no matter how small. Soon it'll be two weeks! Keep it up. ­čÖé
  6. Dude! I'm from South Africa originally! My dad was born and raised in Cape Town. Whereabouts are you from? Congrats and good luck on starting your journey. You won't regret it. I am also going through a messy divorce with YouTube. Incredible how much time it consumes. I completely agree with your experiment to make life as 'boring' as possible. The internet is full of time-wasting distractions... Lifetimes and lifetimes of media. I have installed some blockers on my PC and phone to help me with this. Let me know if you want some recommendations. Keep us posted!
  7. [ GameQuitters : 24 // Meditate : 13 // PornFree : 0 // NoFap : 0 ] Haha, so after a lot of sleep, I got my mark for Discrete Maths today and sadly it seems I just barely failed. ­čś× It's a bummer, BUT I am trying to see this in a good light. Maths was the first subject I studied for during the holidays when I hadn't really figured out how to do it properly, and it's by far the subject I paid the least attention to this semester. So a low mark is only fair. I have to resit the exam in March, and rather than being sad about it I want to frame this as an opportunity to really master the subject and aim to get a great score in my next test, rather than settling for 'just passing' as some of my fellow students have. It does mean I will have a lot on my plate next month, starting 4 subjects and having to study maths on the side as well, but with any luck the subjects will start off a little slow. That means I must make the most of the next few weeks to write some mock exams for maths, and solve a lot of problems. My feeling is that I'm pretty comfortable with the overall theory of maths after my studies, but I just didn't practice enough problem solving (I ran out of time before the exam). Now I have some time to get the practice in, it's critical I spend February well. In other news, I spent today lazing around, sleeping, being super tired and bored, and so I relapsed on my porn streak which sucks. But I am trying to learn from that as well... I've had a fairly easy time not looking at porn when the pressure was on during the exam period. And now suddenly the pressure is off and I relapse almost instantly. So being bored, alone at home with nothing better to do is definitely an environment where I'm very vulnerable to relapse. I need to come up with some kind of tactic to manage this. Either way, exam season is over! Some exams went better than others, but I learned and grew a hell of a lot, and I intend to only get better this semester. ­čÖé I'm also feeling a lot more like myself today after sleeping a lot, so overall feeling positive. This weekend, time to make an action plan for the coming month! Edit: It's quite interesting to look back on my journal this month, as I have an entry on the 5th of January where I was convinced Discrete Maths just wasn't for me, to the point that I was doubting my whole choice of studies. And yet now, despite failing my first DM exam attempt, I can happily say that I understand and even enjoy the topic, even if I'm not the best at it yet. It's funny what you can change if you just trust yourself, apply some elbow grease and learn.
  8. Detox(10) So... tired. Can't Focus. Need to work. Deadlines approach. Calories low... Hnghhh, Qdoba burrito insufficient. There are people who can amp mindstate, and work. I not one of them? I insufficient? Should Die? Should go extinct? Nature's will? Cruelty? Fate? Feels hopeless. Was invited to another session by coach. He seemed interesting. Already 3 sessions per week 3.5 hours a piece. Regret sinking it. What if I were but a fresh HS graduate again and I had resisted the fear and participated. What if's drown out my forward momentum. The realization that there would be so much more to the experience if it had been in the past. Tired. Need to do research. Need to expand research. Need to knit it together into an essay. Need to attack and complete, not dawdle and whittle away at it insufficiently. Anger. Why this so hard!? How has this happened. Regret replaced with rage. Why did it go so wrong. Do I blame gaming. Seem too easy... Self-compassion... Low... Group session pointed that out. Dangit. I'm just so tired. Will meditate now. Never done when this tired. Maybe learn something. I'm scared. I feel as though... won't have control. Maybe that's the point.
  9. Nice job man! You have a great approach with your streaks. Don't be hard on yourself for breaking it, just start a new one. ­čÖé If a man experiences sexual arousal at the sight of every woman, then in my opinion something isn't quite right with the man. I go to the gym on a regular basis and while I do appreciate the beauty of fit women, it doesn't arouse nor frustrate me every time I look at them. Then again I am demisexual so maybe this doesn't quite apply to me. I think the best approach is to try to strengthen your resolve, though I have no advice for how to go about that. This has actually become a pretty big issue in society, where people are finally and correctly starting to hold boys and men to higher standards of restraint as opposed to shaming women for wearing what they want to wear.
  10. I hear you. I honestly believe something else triggered me more than the fit woman, I'm just uncomfortable posting it here unfortunately.
  11. I wasnÔÇÖt questioning your communicative skills at all as its obvious from your post you feel you are well developed in that respect. By becoming ÔÇśfitÔÇÖ I meant recovering fully from the addiction as you said particular women can be a ÔÇśtriggerÔÇÖ causing you to relapse.
  12. All of my closest friends are women. I'm not doing that. I think you're severely underestimating my ability to converse with women. I'm fine to meet women in public and often initiate conversations. Even at new hobbies and places like rock climbing, grocery stores, engineering societies, e.t.c I'm very social and get women's numbers. My superiors at work are women. The people working for me are women. I'm not going to stop talking to them. They're very important to me. I respect your opinion on many matters but I'd like our conversation about this topic to stop here. I don't see us meeting eye to eye on ther topic. Your approach is unrealistic in my life and career.
  13. @BooksandTree´╗┐s Do you think you will eliminate triggers if you reduce communication with women ? Try it out for a week. If you start getting a clear head, good focus and a very good up-beat mood, then you may just continue. You will find the woman of your life, but you have to be fit for that moment.
  14. I mean, I'm probably extremely proficient at talking to women. I just don't like the ones I'm meeting. I only like one woman in my life and she has a boyfriend. I'm not waiting for her though. I just know her personality type is something I desire. So I'll look for women like that. I'm probably the most popular person in my office and hang out with women 75% of the time outside of work. I'm extremely comfortable and am a huge flirt, but also serious and can provide perspective and true friendship. I got horny yesterday and watched it. I messed up. I was feeling very aggressive yesterday and needed some release. I think masturbation has strong stress release if done properly. I think gaming in moderation is impossible, but masturbation and orgasm release is important for the body and I intent on masturbating once per week. By that point your testosterone can't really flux past a certain point so you're just on edge all of the time in my opinion. I'll keep testing it, but I'm proud of myself for getting there. I also don't have the luxury of a spouse or girlfriend who can I have sex with, massage, kiss, flirt, feel, etc.
  15. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    Day 278: Yesterday, I decided to fast for the whole day which is something I have never done before. I noticed that I wasn't feeling hungry in my stomach, however I noticed that I wanted to constantly chew something and that I got a few bursts of saliva in my mouth throughout the day. I went for an interview, got through emails, checked on my finances, worked out and put a bit of work into my paper. I noticed I could hardly focus in the evening, because everything I did during the day was productive in one way or another and it seems that I actually use food as a way to relax. I decided to go sleep very early afterwards. Fasting for 24 hours was definitely an interesting experience and I woke up before midnight to eat a normal meal.
  16. Look into something called Kaizen mentallty which is small improvements each day but more in depth. It's how there are many super successful Japanese people.
  17. Day 001 of my journey, Note: I haven't gamed for quite sometime; I did not count but I believe it's been about 14 days. My (Journey) counter counts my journey as a whole and not any specific aspect. It will not reset for the simple reason that it is not there to keep track of any streak rather it is mostly there to serve as a number for this journal. My Day: Today marks the first day that I have cut YouTube out of my life. And I have immediately realized how much of my life YouTube was consuming. I realize now that quitting gaming has yet to achieve my desired result because I allowed myself to replace one addictive habit with another. I live my life with zero motivation because I allow myself to be consumed by a dopamine high, that I find myself willing to get in any way possible; which leads into my next paragraph... Experiment: I have decided that I wish to execute an experiment, one with myself as the guinea pig. I will attempt to make my life as boring as possible, or at least what I would consider boring now. This might sound strange. Let me explain what I mean, I am going to be: slowing down my life, removing distractions and avoiding instant gratification as much as I can. We live in a modern world of smart phones, social media, video games, near infinite amounts of entertainment, companies that exploit our psychology, etc. I want to see what happens when I go back to the basics. I want to be able to enjoy the simplest part of life, perhaps this experiment is a way to get there. The first steps are already underway: getting rid of gaming and YouTube. But there is so much more. My phone. I admittedly am a bit attached to it. I want to change my phone habits, so instead of always having it with me, replying to texts as they come and in general just having an instant gratification machine by my side; I want to replace that habit by the habit of putting it away during the day (With the exception of when I need it for important things) and only checking my phone once per day for a maximum of 15 minutes. That's it. No more. I've already made strides towards this goal, by having placed my phone out of sight the last few days but I've still managed to use it way more than I feel is healthy and way, way more than what my goal is. For now, these 3 goals are what I am going to be working on. But in the future I will need to make many more decisions / commitments (For the sake of going all out on this experiment) how much will I allow myself on the internet or rather I should define what I will allow myself to do on the internet. In terms of what I hope to accomplish. I want to be able to find joy in the simple things of life and I also want to be able to not only stay motivated with my studies but I actually want to enjoy it. Thanks you for reading. I wish you a great 24 hour period of time!
  18. Objectives for the day - Exposure therapy, as much as possible - Make an effort to be really social in the singing school - Practice eye contact - Get a good guitar practice - Schedule the orthopedist Gratitude journal - I'm grateful for my fears - I'm grateful for my flaws - I'm grateful for my conscience
  19. Day 25 Yesterday was pretty good. I like the feeling of excitement for change. I love the process of challenging myself. Especially right now that I'm trying to be out of my comfort zone everyday, it really gives me extra energy to go through my day. Today I have a trial singing class. I'm at the same time excited and scared. I'm not at all used to sing in front of other people. But I was told before, multiple times, that I have a good voice. Let's see what happens. Current Streaks No games - 217 days No Porn/Masturbation - 8 days Healthy mobile phone usage - 2 days Things that I should do every now and then Body grooming - Last done 06/12/2019 - I think I'm gonna do it today! Hair Care - Last done 17/01/2020 Clip nails - Last done 13/01/2020 Deep organize room - ? - Gonna separate an hour in the day when the boredom hits to organize a drawer or any other thing. Step by step. 30 days challenge Diet - 12/30 Cold showers - 17/30 (this is going pretty easy right now, it's really hot these days. Do it again on a cold month) Practice guitar - 14/30 One amazing thing that happened/I did today Exposure therapy was good. Exercise Gym. Social Fear Ladder (1/10) - Practice eye contact and smile Exposure Therapy at least once a day Morning Routine Day planning - Done Physiotherapy - Done Skin care routine - Done Brush teeth and floss - Done Make my bed - Done Meditation - Not done Evening Routine Skin care routine - Done Physiotherapy - Only in the morning. Brush teeth and floss - Not Done Journaling - Done the morning after Daily Habits Tracker Staying out of the room - Stayed out almost all day. Reading Leisure reading - Read 30 mins of something technical - ? Weekly Goal(s) - (Week starts at Monday! - Update at Sunday!) Plan the weekend - My weekend is full, actually Search another music school - Scheduled a trial class: 18/01/2020 Search a place to take acting lessons Find a dentist and schedule it Cook meals for the week - I made meals for the rest of the week in 22/01/2020 Monthly Goal Gradute - In progress Start the programming course. 3 Month Goal Get back to running. The physiotherapy is really important, SET GOALS! What went well today: My efforts to be more social. What I could have done to make my day better: I could've woken up earlier. What I will do differently tomorrow: I'm gonna put big effort in the social skills exercises.
  20. Day Eleven It's actually become pretty easy to avoid gaming lately. I wouldn't lie and say that I've replaced it with tons of productive hobbies, I've just been too tired and busy to even think about gaming after work. This weekend I'll make more of an effort of working in some of my other goals like studying piano and getting back to the gym. I've also been eating pretty poorly this week which has both cost a lot of money and probably contributed to how tired I feel.
  21. Thank you. Small improvements should be the gold standard for sure. Thank you for your wise words.
  22. Here's an update on my vision board from wayyy early in my journal: Since this apartment is completely under my control it looks pretty minimalist like the picture. I also just bought a bidet for my toilet hehe. I think I also deserve a checkmark for #4, I was extremely stressed before moving (had bad breakouts) but I pushed through it and did my best with the help of Cardcaptor Sakura. I'm less stressed now but I think it will take another week to settle in. Also here is an update to my net worth, you can see the effect my 1 year of unemployment has had when I stopped working in Nob 2018. My 401k account was deleted and so was the history and that's why there's such a huge jump at that time but there's screenshots earlier in my journal if you are really curious:
  23. Keep going on your path wherever it takes you and continue to aim for just small improvements everyday. Even if you don't follow your daily plan to a T do not give up on yourself. Just know that you are getting those small improvements and that over time it will become automatic for you. Thats what life is. Life is a process that never ends. You are constantly going to want to get better. You will never be fully satisfied. Sadly that is what many people think of. They think of the end goal. But we high achievers in life already know we will never hit perfect and that we will be working to be the best we can day after day. Anyways welcome to the community and if you ever need anything just ask and we will be there. Remember we all have your back in good times and the hard times.
  24. I am honestly having no cravings right now but it is only my second day so if I was you because of past experiences of cravings I would get out of the house if you can and that should prevent you from playing league of legends. Also for the not eating I know it is hard to swallow but I used to be the same way. I was super depressed to the point of I would eat once a day if that. I eventually when meal times came around and I told myself I wasn't hungry I would honestly force myself to eat. It is just your mind playing tricks on you telling you your not hungry but your actually starving. Just start eating when you tell yourself your not hungry. You will become much healthier believe me.
  25. The nearest grocery store that is fully stocked is a 13 minute walk away. To me, that is a lot since I used to always live <5 minutes away or had one in my building in NYC. That can be a lot especially if you have more than 4 big bags. I'm used to shopping only once a week. I live in Malden which seems to be a suburb of Boston. I consider it to be a small town. I like it a lot though, it is nice and quiet. A big difference from growing up in NYC.
  26. Today is my 2nd day of my detox and I am feeling really good. Yesterday for the the most part of the day I was really productive. I worked a lot on a program I am taking to create huge amounts of wealth if I am willing to work my butt off. Also I ran 3 miles and that felt really good considering for the past years I would just sit around in front of a tv. It took my brain fog away and made me feel accomplished and mental clarity. I also decided to do a detox on another thing because of the all the benefits I read and watched, and was told online last night which I am decided along with this and they are both on the same day streak so since this is my 2nd day of no gaming then today is also my 2nd day for nofap. I decided to add it to the no gaming because of the benefits. Some of the benefits are the same as no gaming benefits so that'll double the benefits if I do both.
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