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Entry 23.1 Day 8: No Useless Videos Day 840: Sticking to Food schedule Day 443: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 13: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -75% effort run -4 pomodoros -About 43 hours water fast 1 Thing I could do better -After evening routine follow schedule in direction of my life's goals. Not useless news watching and surfing gaming forums =/ Gaming count since relapse Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 10

Sounds more or less like reality 😉 The first number could probably be multiplied by some 15 and the second by 4 or 5 and you're golden ;D Sounds terrifying being without scheduled time, like a source for infinite depression I don't even know what you mean when you say "relax" never had that item on my schedule for years. Work is my relaxation. And it worked quite well for a few years... Maybe it will make you rebel, or maybe it's just your blizzard brain speaking 😉 In anycase so long as you're happy with your approach that's the most important thing. Because there are no right and wrong ways to live life. So long as you know what you aim for in the long term and your manner of living serves you (Begin with the end in mind from stephen covey's book, knowing what eulogy you want at your funeral, etc.) you're golden 🙂

18 Jan - 23 Jan: I had to buy a new shower head because I managed to step on the old one and break it 😄 There hasn't been that much happening otherwise. I came up with a few pricing improvements for my lessons. I spent time with my girlfriend and picked up a new book from the library.

Welcome back! It's great you're seeing progress already. It's much easier to abstain when the benefits are not vague and murky. I've never really had any gaming friends, perhaps except my brother, so my gaming was never connected with any "real" people. If the friends can talk about other stuff besides gaming, I guess it's OK though. Well done on 16 days!

Day 16/90 Read more of Respawn Gym / reading last night. One chapter away of finishing my book. Probably the fastest I've ever read a book this long in my life. Yesterday I felt extremely focused. I still feel some of that today. Feels real good. I still miss gaming in general.

Yes, that's definitely something to analyze. Maybe gaming didn't present itself as an escape in your head the first time or second time when you ground the project, but perhaps the tenth time. And maybe you resisted it for another five times, until you acted on the thought the sixth time. I only "book" time for lessons with my students (around 25-30 hours a week). The rest of my time is not usually scheduled, I just normally go to bed at 10-11 and get up between 6-8 as necessary. It's good to be bored sometimes, just for the experience. As I wrote, even when I am bored (or overworked, the other extreme), I don't think of gaming as an escape. When I'm overworked, I find an activity to relax like writing or I come up with a plan to tackle the problem. I usually find something to do even when I am bored too. It actually gives me space to focus on lesser priorities like chores around the house that are not as essential (e.g. dusting, putting boxes into the cellar etc.) These reactions are my second nature now and they're generally positive. I don't have to "plan" to relax, which really sounds like an oxymoron 😄 And it works for me. There are always a few areas I'd like to work on more often, but I don't think I need to start planning for it. In fact, I think pushing myself into planning my days in detail would make me rebel and would cause more damage down the road. I usually do plan some activities if I have entire parts of the day free though. Maybe it will change in the future, but so far I am happy with my approach.

Entry 22.1(Written on 23.1) Day 7: No Useless Videos Day 839: Sticking to Food schedule Day 442: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 12: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Morning Resistance Workout -5 pomodoros -Sticking to schedule within 10 minute delay at most until I dozed off in bed X_X 1 Thing I could do better -Completed evening routine when i accidentally woke up at 19 Gaming count since relapse Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 9

Honestly I don't remember when I felt "Bored". I always have something to do. Do you use time-blocking? Or do you have chunks of "free time" in your schedule? This "free time" is the only thing that can make you feel bored in my humble opinion and assumption.

Absolutely possible. Actuaally i'm in the same situation i was in my last relapse, sitting myself in a room and grinding over some project with minimal interaction with people and a very small feeling of progress if any. Sure. It makes a lot of sense. I completely agree that if we tell ourselves not to think of a pink elephant, the only thing we're going to think about is a pink elephant 🙂 Nonetheless, one of Rbert Cialdini's principles in the book Influence that drive human behavior is Commitment and Consistency. That's why having a counter could also help, despite the fact that it's sorta' negative. But it must come together with "positive" goals as you stated. In my opinion that is 🙂

Day 15/90: No gaming urges yesterday. Was also busy all night Starting to get into a real routine. Books are starting to help me unwind at night. I look forward to reading now. Getting started on work stuff is noticeably easier 1/6th through detox, which is both exciting and depressing. I think once I get halfway I'll feel much better about it.

I think I saw it somewhere more times, maybe the first time in GQ-related materials. No book/source in particular.

I hope he at least got a warning from the principal because of that. I don't see how he's a helpful role model/authority, if he's tolerated to yell at students. I think it's fair to slog it out at this high school until you finish it and pass the finals. Once you're 18/19, you're free to call your own shots. Looking back, I'd not get into the university, had I not had a particular reason to study (I wanted to be an army officer, so I had to go to the uni for that). I don't think it's helpful to go to the university for a completely random degree and I think working a few jobs to try out what fits is better (plus you'll get a stable income). I earned money since I was 19 (I also finished a university, but as a side project), but over the years (now I'm 27), I've built up a considerable reserve. It's really a big difference if you start work at 18/19, or after a degree at 22/25. There's data that uni people earn more, but I think it's just a correlation without causation and that the people would do well even without a degree. Plus, you can always do the degree later, if it's something you really want or need to advance your career. Feel free to ask more about my reasoning if you want 😄

Thanks for the advice @Ikar! An update: I went to my math teacher today because he made a mistake on the test and I talked to him about it and how I deserve to get that question right. Unfortunately, he became enraged and yelled at me because I had bruised his ego. And funnily enough, the principal was sitting in his classroom which goes to show that he is indeed mentally ill and it is not my problem at all. I can't believe how 99% of students can put up with him acting like he's the king of this school.

Entry 21.1 Day 6: No Useless Videos Day 838: Sticking to Food schedule Day 441: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 11: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Morning Jog -7 pomodoros -sticking to about 40 minutes during apartment conversation which is within the timeframe i devoted to it 1 Thing I could do better -Planned contingencies for poop, if there's no sun Gaming count since relapse Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 8

Did you find that quote in Johann Hari's "Chasing the scream"? Or from another source? Would you suggest that book if you got it from there?

Yep, but it doesn't even have to remain that work, and the amount of hours doesn't have to remain that amount of hours. In any case it sound like you're already quite responsible from what you're describing. So it's just a reminder 🙂

Day 14/90: I realize starting the detox when it's absolutely freezing outside (in northeast united states) is like hard mode. It's sub-zero temps outside right now. Hard to get out of the house, where the normal triggers are at! Uninstalling all games (even Steam) and packing the PC away has created a large enough barrier that it wards away quick impulses. "One quick game" turns into "I'd need at least two hours to get everything set up. Ugh.." Two weeks! I still feel a void. I still miss it a lot. However, there's no doubt in my mind that the quality of my life has improved dramatically the last two weeks. Sleep, exercise, reading, piano, work, family time - all of these have noticeably improved.

Since I don't have an employer, even my work-hours are my responsibility and decision. I work with students 1-to-1, so I don't have total control over their time, but yes, if I said "My work hours are between 12 and 6.", nobody could stop me from doing that. My reasoning stems from the quote "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety (days without gaming), but connection (having a good life)." You're correct though that this is an "anti-gaming addiction" forum more than anything else. I stuck around over the years mostly because I just like to journal here. Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 Being 3 years without gaming is impressive! It's entirely possible there was something that you started lacking over time during your abstinence, maybe just in the last few weeks or months. Yeah, my point was to show that the identity of being "anti-something" can only take you so far. Knowing what you're against is OK (gaming in your life), but knowing what you're for is better. Because once you know what you're for, it also solves a lot of the things you're against too. If you're for exercise and a good diet, you're automatically against being fat and a bad diet. And you don't need to remind yourself you're against being fat and a bad diet, because it's already embedded into the positive variant. I hope it makes sense 😄 I'm also against the regulation of gaming in myself. I've tried that many times, before coming to the forum. It didn't work to take one hour here to do the chores and one hour there to do exercise. Now, even when I am bored, I don't think of games. My priorities are completely different than they were and I just don't have the time anyway.

Entry 20.1 Day 5: No Useless Videos Day 837: Sticking to Food schedule Day 440: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 10: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Morning workout -13 pomodoros (hot damn) -Staying awake for some more duolingo even though I was very sleepy 1 Thing I could do better -A little more concentration during pomodoros. Less flying in thoughts. Gaming count since relapse Gaming (Death, Slavery, Regret, Disease) - 5 Yan (Life, Individuality, Freedom, Purpose, Self-Fulfillment) - 7

-That's a nice number 🙂 I was also above 1,000 before the relapse. I think it was somewhere in the 1100s. (the 800 day counter was for useless videos, not gaming) -Anyway what I was seeing as a problem in what you said is not that you didn't like the "negative" counter which reminds of gaming, which i didn't understand that you meant at the time, rather what was "worrying" me is that you said we shouldn't have a non gaming identity. Which allows for loopholes for you to play here and there which could very quickly slip to full scale relapse. I think balancing shouldn't be attempted. But I might have mis-interpreted you. -I'm not 100% sure it is like that for everyone(not regularily remind ingthemselves), I think that the counter is an important progress reminder, and may be a source of pride in the long term. -Well, at least we agree on the fact it's a hazard to be managed for the rest of our lives 🙂 Bottom line: I think balancing should not be attempted, because the neuro circuits are strongly tied with each other and can quickly get us hooked.

That's an interesting point, haven't thought much of it that way that it's a "negative" counter. I could rephrase it to something like "Days of self-accomplishment" or something of a sort, however, even the name of this website is game-quitters, so it is quite tied with gaming, guess I'm gonna stick to that phrasing for now, but it's worth pondering. Sounds like you're getting closer to self-actualization as you see it, keep it up 🙂

Got to love it when people take responsibility 🙂 I'd like to use this opportunity to remind you however that the times in between (the times you work) are also up to you and are your choice, and you can change them if you'd like, or make the best of them if you wouldn't, just in case you forgot 😉

Day 12 + 13/90: Busy weekend with the kids! Yesterday and today have been going well My son has taken up a strong interest in Minecraft. It's going to be challenging for me to not deprive him of his interests, while also not relapsing myself. But I still feel good about it, and I feel in control. Lots of reading and exercise. Focus feels good. On my TODO list tonight is to read more of Respawn and prepare for a busy week at work.

I wouldn't worry about school. The whole concept of school is tedious. You're not supposed to enjoy it, unless there's something wrong with you, or unless you go to a very particular type of school that meets your expectations. Your teacher is in the wrong place. He should teach people who are passionate about math. The problem is, there would be far too many math teachers around for this real demand. He'd either have to be really good (and be self-employed or at a top institution), or he would work a different job. That's the issue with the education system in general; there's far too many teachers teaching far too many students, who are in turn given far too much useless information (at least for the students' benefit). Stacking up straight As is not how life works anyway. I know this, because I've been teaching 1-to-1 English for a few years now. I can say that for most people, only pulling out their wallet and paying the course themselves makes them focus and get involved with English. They might not even be passionate about English, but they know they need it at work or while traveling. That way, I at least know they want to put in some effort. I'll let somebody be the prison guard of 15 teenagers (even if 2-3 of them would at least show some interest in the subject). Being competitive is an interesting trait to have, but don't expect school to help you work with it. It might help you be a good manager or director one day, while the "straight A nerds" will be your rigorous employees. Who knows? 🙂 P.S. I nearly failed high school math and failed a university. I quit my gaming addiction 5 years ago, managed to finish another university without a serious problem and built myself a job I love. Literally nobody remembers (and cares) I nearly failed HS math 10 years ago and failed uni 8 years ago.

I hate studying, problems, and homework. I don't have bad grades, and I have no problem doing well in school; it's just that school is so tedious. My calculus teacher, in particular, is someone I dislike very much. He keeps ranting about how everyone should be passionate about math instead of only taking a hard class to get into a good college. I disagree with him completely. I think he is outdated and makes the class unnecessarily difficult because he is delusional about today's society and stuck in the past. My math teacher makes his tests many times harder than the AP test and expects half the class to get an A. How am I supposed to enjoy school? There is no way to argue with him because he is autistic and is full of pride and arrogance. I am in a nerd high school because I wanted to challenge myself. Now I think my life is just boring because I am surrounded by nerds who only care about their GPA and test scores. Many of the nerds have no sense of humor at all and I feel like I am one of the few neurotypical and normal people in my class. This is why I like to hang out with the less study-orientated people at my school like my teammates in the swim team and water polo. I enjoy swimming and racing and I love the thrill of competition. I just don't like grinding it out at school. What should I do? Is this normal for me?