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  2. Love the emphasis on getting enough (but not too much) sleep. Such an important foundation to build to foster a productive lifestyle. Keep up the good work!
  3. Days 3-9: I haven't relapsed I swear!! My family had its biannual get-together last week, and because of all the relations asking me to spend time with them over the past week I've gotten fuck all done. But again, fortunately, no relapse! Something exciting happened yesterday. My mentor and I had a meeting with the PI of my lab, and somehow not only did she say that she would love to have me back last year (given our ability to secure funding), she also offered to write me a letter of rec for med school!! That's 3 letters of rec now, and just 2 more that I'd like to get before applying. My mentor is due for maternity leave next week, so I got her a little present (A gift card to a baby store...LOL). I thought it was kinda lame, but I think she loved it! At least enough to write me a message saying she thinks I've been a big help and that she hopes I'll get into med school. I guess it's the thought that counts, as they all say.
  4. GET MY LIFE INTO OPERATIONAL CONDITION - Day 21, 18.09.2019 20:51. So it's been three weeks. I think that's what's said about how long it takes for a habit to form. I don't feel like my habit is formed. Every evening I have this thing that I want to keep sitting in front of the computer like I always do (or did, hopefully) or just keep myself from falling asleep for as long as possible. Maybe that's because going to sleep means cutting myself off from all the stimulation, and I want as much stimulation as possible. Or maybe it's because I'm afraid of that silence and void of me just lying there doing nothing, and that's why I want to keep myself stimulated. But, it actually feels good to realise that I haven't done that in three weeks. Not once during these three weeks did I have to feel horrible for going to sleep at 4am (or at 8am, or later). I didn't have to feel disappointment in myself or self-hate because of that. I did occasionally feel some disappointment from getting up at 7am instead of 5. This is what I already talked about, it's not really rational. Maybe it will go away. Getting up has been hard all through the last week. I go to sleep at 9 or 10 pm, and sleep for 9 or 10 hours (stay in bed for that long, sleep less of course because I keep waking up multiple times a night). And then all I feel like is going back to sleep. But I never once did that. I stayed in bed until around 8 sometimes, including today. And I spent that time doing things I'm not proud of, including browsing the internet. But at least I didn't fall asleep again. I always remember that that would be a disaster. What if I sleep until 12pm? That would ruin everything I achieved so far. So, I wonder if more of the same is going to change anything. If in it'll get easier for me to get sleepy in the evening, easier to actually go to sleep, and easier to get up in the morning. And possible to sleep through the night without waking up. Or maybe I should change something. But that comes later, for now I'm sticking with this. One last thing: it's gotten a lot less exciting. If used to feel amazing, every new success was a reward. Now it's just "how much longer do I have to do this until it gets easier". That's it. I didn't plan to write any of this right now. Today I woke up at 7 and got up at 8. It didn't feel good, but it's better than going back to sleep. Almost forgot to write today again. I played the guitar for 1,5 hours, it felt good. I started learning Nothing Else Matters. As always, it's intimidating, but actually starting on a short fragment makes it perfectly doable. Also one other thing I've been trying to get a hadle of (but not nearly as much practice as Stairway to Heaven earlier) suddenly clicked today - just a few more days and it'll be mine. Edit: I weigh 89kg.
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  6. Hey, I struggle since a long time with nofap. I know the benefits are huge, but also because personal reasons I want to do that(hard mode). However I cant manage it... So I wonder whether you guys have some tips? Its time to get another thought because my own system doesnt seem to work.
  7. IMPORTANT AND URGENT: The Science of Well-Being (by far) and clean-up around the house (just barely getting started) IMPORTANT BUT NOT URGENT: Project Exodus (still 3/10 complete; will slowly resume on the 30th of September (the day my last school was being prayed by all the school prayer advocates out there from a congregation)), my 52-week Bible reading plan (43 weeks and 4 days down and only 9 weeks and 3 days more to go), Proverbs with an entire family (now 9/31 complete), and the OT/NT walkthrough (still >1/12 accomplished) URGENT BUT NOT IMPORTANT: Time Bomb: an old-school fanfic from 2013-14 (will work more on chapter 21 sometime) and my comic project (currently working on chapter 1 as of right now after introduction and prologue over August) NEITHER IMPORTANT NOR URGENT: my now 6-year old blog as of less than a month ago Bookish Update Time: currently reading The 5 Levels of Leadership by John C. Maxwell (Yay! I made it to Level 3!) Order Update Time: nothing but weekly tithes until October 6 and it will resume on the 20th (October 11-13 is my sister's homecoming weekend) Note: I will make up last Sunday's tithe for mid-December because I slept in too much.
  8. Just needed to play 1 match of 15 minutes to mess my whole week... I guess it's impossible to game moderately if you have an addiction problem, doesn't really matter how long you haven't played
  9. Welcome back! I'm gonna quote myself 3 months ago, because I think it is relevant. What worked in my case (after the breakup) was to acknowledge that there was something good and something bad in the relationship and be really mindful about what did I consider "good" and what did I consider "bad". I had some things do a 180 when I realized my ex unconsciously hates me, to put it shortly. It felt like only then I could come to terms with my past and not be traumatized by it, if it somehow manifests in my everyday life, either directly or as an innocent association. Otherwise I think self-pity and bitterness would do me in, slowly and painfully.
  10. Day 6. This has been a tough day to say the least. I’ve been having strong cravings to escape into a virtual world and its taking everything for me to resist. I feel like I am really struggling to keep perspective today. Our washing machine needed urgent repair and has taken a pro 5.5 hrs to fix (should have taken 30 mins), and I’ve waited in the house whilst this has been happening which has been frustrating for us both. My dog is desperate and whining to go out for run but I can’t, some clients of mine have not paid when they said they would – which has big impact on cashflow, a result came back from the doctors saying I need another test and tbh I just feel like chucking the day in plugging into a game and blanking out the world. But then what would I achieve? The feelings and emotions are still there plus more afterwards such as crippling guilt. By running away from them I will not learn and come out of it better. Recently, I’ve come to realize that all the negativity is never going to go away and that actually we should embrace it all. If we can get through it, we come out the other side with a more balanced approach to dealing with life and it all gets easier. I watched the movie ‘About Time’ last night with my wife and I have to say it struck a chord with me. Time is our most valuable asset and there are no guarantees so we must try to live each day with total freedom because we don’t know how much time we have. Things happen out of our control and that's ok. It's how we react that's important. I know, like many people here, I have thrown time away and I can't change that but I can use it to make the most of it going forward. So after a day of negativity, feeling like crap and wanting to hide away, I realize that actually, I will better for going through it, tomorrow. No gaming today and day 7 tomorrow. Also, more PMA
  11. Days detoxing: 16 The rest of Monday was good, yesterday was mixed. The morning was productive and fulfilling, the evening I experienced significant mood swings, started with irritability, short, then sensitive, mildly depressed. I talked to my wife as I was experiencing this and she helped me a lot by listening and being there. I noticed that when I'm down or experiencing these type of feelings I tend to withhold them and bear through them. On the occasions that I don't, they are easier to navigate. I can identify what triggered my stress and what I can do better is to acknowledge first that the stressor is there and happening. Then I have to either let it go if I can't do anything about it or face it dead on if I can. Just going through the flow doesn't seem to cut it.
  12. @Blab Good for you that you realized that you use it primarily for something else than learning a language! I think some 30 months ago when I started out on Duolingo learning Russian, there were streaks and XP already in place, but I'm not sure about the medals. Myself, I think Duolingo is still a perfectly valid resource and possibly one of the best ways to really start off learning a language - to hammer in some basic grammar and vocabulary for survival level abroad. I mean, of course they "rigged" it a to try and keep your attention, but it's still on you just how much attention are you willing to give it. In a broader sense, everything that can take advantage of the play/gaming aspect, does so, because it's naturally appealing to humans. Tinder works that way. News (either on TV or paper) are also trying to "steal" your attention by the fact that e.g. a bombing happened that in some remote location you've never been to. It's definitely more interesting than the fact that e.g. firefighters rescued 12 kittens from trees in your city in the past year. So all I can say is just that we should be aware and I think any self-convicted gaming addict has some basic form of self-awareness. Your eyes are yours only.
  13. First off, sorry if my English is far from perfect... Grammarly and one Year in Scotland, sadly, can't fix everything wrong about my grammar My name's Michael, I'm an Italian\Polish 27 male, and I decided to enter in this forum with a clear idea: my gaming habit must be contained, until. Yep, let me make it clear again: contained. Sure, I'm not denying that my past gaming habits made me spend so much on things that aren't that much productive, in the long run. True, I lost control over it for years, and that cost me some important life goals (and money... lots of money), and even affected my health (in both ways). Far from denying it, there are plenty of activities outside my laptop that are much more worthy to engage, spending time on them. So, you could ask me "Why, even if you're aware of all of this, you still say you don't want to quit this habit for good?" The answer is pretty much simple: I can't, since all my academical years were spent to build connections, skills, and all the other items needed to enter the Videogame Industry. To make things even more interesting (and complicated for me, but that's the fun in that perhaps?), I'm actively moving from my current job (NeuroMarketing and User Research consultant, my academic experience was all over Psychology and Cognitive Science studies) to try starting a doctorate program to study the effect of Loot Boxes over the behaviour of players, and perhaps even find a link between that and gambling addiction. I think now's is, indeed, the best time to do that, since the UK house of commoners finally decided to take action on this, and my chances of getting funds for a project on this topic are at the highest peak possible in this particular year. You can now guess why I can't allow myself to simply move over from the gaming world 100%: even if I have plenty of other activities outside of gaming ready for me (I just need to give them time to substitute my past habits), for the type of job I'm gonna do, being informed of what happens in the Gaming Industry and Communities isn't an option. Alongside with this, I need to keep my Steam Account for my curriculum because, 4 years ago, I was still a trader (unaware of what I was feeling, that will be something I will never forget) in the Team Fortress 2 market (a pretty successful one too), and plenty of people suggested me to use it as a leverage when searching for funds\jobs (as a trader, I learned a lot of things about this industry that no textbook could ever teach me). But what I can and want to do is keep this old habit of mine in check: sure, I'll need to playtest some game with participants and myself from time to time, I'll have to control info from the industry on a regular basis, communicate with fans and experts, talk with them about their favorite games\genres\playstyle, etc... But that doesn't mean I should allow gaming to keep me awake at night, spending money to acquire useless pricey skins in Online Games just out of Loss Aversion, to rage myself when a developer scams me and the other customers by releasing unfinished products, or filled with scummy microtransactions, and, in general, keep poisoning my life like it did for 8 years already. And I'll tell you more: the reason why I'm so fueled into the idea of doing research (or work as a UR) to prove (or not) how these things works is because I truly believe they are dangerous to people (especially kids), and Hell be frozen if I'll not try my best to avoid the pain and the suffering I personally experienced because of this lack of regulations (or, as a UR, I can try to avoid an excessive usage of these practices in the game my company would like to produce). Well, sorry for all this little rant, but I had truly the need to let it out, off from my chest for once. I hope that, even if I'm not going to fully follow the program Cam Adair so kindly gave to us to better copy against this situation, this forum will turn to be helpful to, at least, keep this little rascal of a habit in check, and not howling and biting all day like a feral animal (I think I can actually do it: after all, I'm still deeply involved in the goofy community of Team Fortress 2 (you know those weird videos on Youtube made with Gmod and SFM? That) even if I stopped playing the game from almost 3 years already, and never had any desire to go back, even after all the hours (over 2.000) spent there). Thanks for reading all of this, hope you'll have a wonderful time. Michael
  14. The very best of luck to you! It sounds like you've taken that first hard step and can now look forward to filling the time with positive outputs instead like your studies or fitness or similar. You'll get through it and we are all here to support you
  15. big load of motivation to refresh the dopamin system completely. But this has to be a clear decision, otherwise it will end in a relapse anyways(-> even harder to start again). Motivation doesnt lead to a better life, its just a moment you feel good and maybe you do something, maybe even not... pointless. You need the discipline and then it will work so before I start a whole dopamine refresh maybe I just improve in simple steps... sounds way more possible -> clear mind decision, no motivation/dopamin bs
  16. Day 176 16.09.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for the great weather. Today I am grateful for finally seeing some of my problems clearly. One amazing thing that happened/I did today ---- Workout/run more than 10k steps Meditation 7min (in the morning) Visualisation and daily affirmation did a quite a bit visualisation during waking up Reading (5hours of studying for the exam today) had little time for spanish and studied 5 hours my wake-up time 07:30 Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 4 perfect days in a row Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done during the summer, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible What went well today: (NP:2/NW:0/NS:0) did bit of meditation, studied and read quite a bit What I could have done to make my day better more spanish, studying and some Tai-Chi of course and had a crazy attack of binge reading the last two days and decided to make true of my decision for this summer to quit webnovels (even if it is already the end of it)  What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up around 8, study at least 7 hours, go to university, meet with a friend in the evening and go for a workout Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future --------
  17. Congrats on taking the first steps, we're rooting for you!
  18. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I currently work once a week and I will go to university once a week soon as well. The university is on a normal workday though and, for whatever reason, most employers here cringe at the idea someone would not go to work five times a week, even if they say there's not enough people to fill in all the empty positions. That's the reason I am adding my work from from "0" hours, rather than subtracting from "40" or "50" hours a week, taking days off just so I could go to work etc. I've also come to terms with having all that free time and trying to use it more wisely. It took me half a year and a breakup. I'd say most people are not faced with that situation until they are retired. Obviously, I will not know what's up until I actually start streaming games, but it's like that with everything. I've been learning three languages on Duolingo for over a week now (I'm also aware of the fact that I will just grasp the basics like that). I do not know if I will ever have the chance to realistically use them. Every hobby seems to be like that when you start it and most hobbies just stay hobbies until you quit them. I also feel like a bit of a special potato when I'm reading most of the journals, because the average "quitter" seems to have more, longer and stronger cravings than me. I've experienced some minor cravings perhaps the first week, but I was mostly excited about actually having time to get other stuff done, rather than cowering in the corner and looking at the clock. There have been some thoughts about gaming along the way of the detox, but it was the same as with thoughts about my ex or the army - I just accepted them, thought about them a little bit and let them go, primarily because I think it is a very good idea to be at peace with your past. I am a strong believer that if something in your past makes you uncomfortable, sad or angry, then that is exactly the reason to focus on sorting your past out. I think it is ideally done the best with someone you can trust (the diary is pretty cool as well), but the main incentive has to come from within you anyway.
  19. I'm Demogoblin2, and I've been gaming since time immemorial. I just wrapped up a really bad gaming binge of Saint's Row 2, my guilty-pleasure-favorite-game. While 10+ hours a day for several days of gaming would be hard on scheduling in any situation, I happened to dive into this zombie state in the midst of a ton of pending homework and group case study projects for my Cyber Security degree. I accomplished nothing all week except 100% completion in Saint's Row. Sacrificed horrifying hours of work for it. So that means I can finally move on and get back to work, right? Well I started playing Saint's Row 3 instead. I've behaved like this since junior high school. I always blamed my lack of progress on my broken home, my alcoholic mom, shiftless dad, and on and on and on, but I came to this realization that my coping mechanism for these things ended up being the biggest problem in my life. I know it's addiction because I've tried to stop before and couldn't. There's a difference between enjoying something and being addicted to it. I enjoy eating salmon. I do not have 600 cans of salmon in my cabinet, and I do not visualize how I'm going to cook the salmon when I'm supposed to be at work/studying, and I do not spend 10 hours a day cooking various salmon dinners, coming up empty every time. After procrastinating on all of my homework today, I showed up 2 minutes before class. I was frustrated that I didn't have time to play Pokemon Red on my phone before class started. That's kind of disgusting. Games are nothing but counters. You have a health bar that represents a value, you want it to be full. You want the bad guy's health bar to be empty. You want the sword that does 57 damage instead of the sword that does 35 damage. You want to level up to that nice, crisp, even Level 100. This mission is worth 2% completion. Flap the bird between the pipes as many times as you can. It's all counting, all of it. I should be tired of it, but I'm not. As I'm typing, I want to play something. Anyways, after reaching all of these conclusions, I impulsively googled "Why do I escape from my problems with video games?" This lead to a blog post that linked this forum. I decided I'd try it out, y'all. I'm gonna go for it. I un-installed every game, rom and emulator from my phone and computer, uninstalled Steam, unplugged and packed away my Playstation 4, Switch and Snes Mini. I rifled through various drawers and shelves around my apartment, digging out the stray GBCs and DS lites, PSPs, and any other handhelds I was hording like an alcoholic. I wrapped up and packed my rock band controllers. It's all out of sight. I don't know what's going to happen, but the worst it can be is boredom. Tomorrow begins day 1. Wish me luck, my dudes!
  20. Day 0, It's been a mess. I had an effective day on Monday. On Tuesday, I woke up after 5:00 and then started watching youtube videos - my favourite are history and politics. I'd repeatedly told myself I would get up after a specified amount of time. By 14:30 i was still in bed, so decided that I might as well bring the pc out of the garage and played for the rest of the day. Similar story today, gaming from morning. I finally shook myself awake around midday and put the pc back in the garage. I keep getting caught unawares. I always tell myself that I will only play for an hour, but it almost never works.... Overall, I guess I have still reduced the amount of time spent gaming this week. Watching "the tubes" is just as much of a time killer. I need to be aware of that.
  21. Day 142 No VG - 142 days, No SAH - 37 days, NF - 10 days (10/14), No SIB - 10 days (20/22), OMPM - 1 day Busy day at work--14 hours. Did my meditation this morning. Felt better for it. That's it.
  22. Are you currently working right now as well? I worry about the gaming stream because I think it will conflict with the progress you've made.
  23. Ah, those can come in handy. And ups and downs are natural in this process 🙂 Hope you enjoy your time off! What's your plan for this period? Thanks man! Missed you as well! Here's to hoping this goes well... I feel like I haven't had any real movement on my detox since August of last year...
  24. Yeah, so it's been quiet from me because I somehow keep relapsing on this particular stupid android game. I think it takes up a good 2 hours of my time a day and I just now spent 1.5 hours in a particularly-long multiplayer slugfest that I had to eventually quit because I just got sick of it. This is really starting to annoy me. I'm wasting my time on really stupid stuff now - at least computer games are in-depth and require a good amount of learning, skill, etc... this stuff is pretty dumb and mostly luck-dependent. So I'm re-committing myself to the detox above. I'm not really sure what else to do except try it again. I recently started rock-climbing and proceeded to injure myself on my first real day in the gym, so now I think I'm gonna be stuck recovering for a week or two, which sucks, as the activity was helping me stay away from this stuff. Anyway... let's see what happens.
  25. Yesterday
  26. TTT

    90 days

    Day 10 no erotica/pmo/games (tue) (goal: Dopamine system rewiring, achieving boredom): Sprints in the park are great only after 2-3 weeks I can sprint much longer and I get winded much slower during other stuff. Enjoyed a walk today. I was reading on the benefits of naps, my feet over the river, sun shining. I may try a nap in a few days and see if it seems to have a positive effect on learning and mental performance. Habit Tracker (super day: no): Good habits: 538; Procrastination: -1501; Addictions: -248; Other bad habits: -51; Identity total: -1264 Superday misses in bold: Empty procrastination list (current -12p/d) + up at 08:45, down by 01:00 + soild breakfast and lunch + meditation (10m) + exercise (park or >30m stretch, plank, rice, shadowbox) + contrast shower (coldest >2x30s) + kegels x3 + stamina exercise + [off pt work day: >two hours of good work (lvl 2), ride bike] + reflective journal + not doing these: movies, podcasts, books, news, "learning" crap At work tomorrow to spend at least four hours on professional development. Rest can be for fun and news. That's for listening while doing low-concentration work. How you do anything is how you do everything... being tired and taking my time to get to bed is a pattern of moving slowly and generally wasing time just because I'm feeling tired. If I quickly do the things I have to do I can finish much quicker, go to bed faster and have better rest.
  27. Day 175 15.09.19 Gratitude journal Today I am grateful for the great weather. Today I am grateful for finally getting things done. One amazing thing that happened/I did today ---- Workout/run more than 10k steps Meditation 7min (in the morning) Visualisation and daily affirmation did a some visualisation during waking up Reading (1hour of studying for the exam today) had little time for spanish and studied only 1 hour because of work my wake-up time 06:55 Weekly Goal(s) start waking up at 6:30am, study at between 5 and 8hours per day, have at least 4 perfect days in a row Monthly Goal to study at least 4 hours a day (or as average over the weeks), be more grateful for everything in life, find the joy of living in the moment, think hard about my values and what kind of person I want to be, find ways to avoid falling back to old habits in times of boredom especially now in the summer 3 Month Goal getting my degree or getting it nearly done during the summer, having a really productive life, living my life so that I am proud of it, avoid the comfort zone as much as possible What went well today: (NP:1/NW:0/NS:0/NC: 90 days finished^^) did bit of meditation, studied only a bit because I had to go to work finally finished my 90 days without coffee so it is time for a new challenge^^ What I could have done to make my day better more spanish, studying and some Tai-Chi hopefully I will be able to better my self during the week  What I will do differently tomorrow/What I have planned for tomorrow: wake up around 8, study at least 5 hours, go to university and done some sport if I am healthy Weekly summary, thoughts and improvements for the future --------
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