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  1. Today
  2. It's great that you're recognizing this as a problem and seeking help. Seeing a psychotherapist or neurologist could be helpful in addressing this habit and exploring any underlying reasons for it. It may also be beneficial to set specific limits on your game purchases and stick to a budget to prevent overspending.
  3. Yesterday
  4. Entry 29.03 Day 190: No Useless Videos Day 188: Sticking to Food schedule Day 83: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 82: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. - 8 pomodoros (39-day streak ) and making great progress. - Changing my official address for mail delivery - Writing the changes in the food schedule in the morning 1 Thing I could do better - Set a timer for each one of the evening routine tasks, so that their time won't slide into the time of the other ones (Missed reading book time, which often happens)
  5. Got up today.3 alarms took second phone call. But only because I had been up earlier that night. And put on a youtube talk stream so had phone by bed. And it had charged first half of the night. made breakfast took shower etc. Then went upstairs and masturbated and slept. Had to change pants. got up, ate more, checked mail, packed computer. Asked him about a desktop lamp base. eventually masturbated once more. Went to half of ItAA’s meeting on midweek. Where I shared stagnation. also last noght I saw several episodes of sandman.
  6. Entry 28.03 (Written on 29.03) Day 189: No Useless Videos Day 187: Sticking to Food schedule Day 82: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 81: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. - 8 pomodoros ( 38 day streak ) - Following what was written in the weekly schedule, despite forgetting to place 30 minutes of visualization and washing of dishes. - Cut workout on time to still make 8 pomodoros, even though it was unfinished. (Same thing happened last week, therefore, I would very much like to complete this workout tomorrow (Since I have no weekly schedule written for tomorrow, and will do a daily schedule until Tuesday.) 1 Thing I could do better - Go thoroughly through the buying list before leaving the store. Because It turned out I forgot flux seeds. Food Schedule Update: Breakfast: Orange - 1 piece Tomato - 1 piece Cucumber - 1 piece Tofu - 75 grams Oatmeal(Dry before cooking) - 30 grams Soy/oat/almond/alternative milk - 200 ml Flax seeds - 12 grams Almonds - 40 grams Sunflower seeds - 40 grams Bread - 3 pieces (About 90 grams, but may be more or less) / May be replaced with a 1 on 1 gram ratio with Matzah as bread was not available in store because of the "Pesah holiday" Avocado - 100 grams Dates - 60 grams Salt - about 2 grams Lunch: Banana - 1 piece Carrot - 2-3 pieces (about 200 grams) Peas - 100 - 150 grams ( Up to 150 to end the can of 335g ) Cabbage - 35 g Tofu - 75 g Red Lentils(dry before cooking) - 70g Nutritional Yeast - 6 g Almonds - 25g Sunflower seeds -25g Bread - 3 pieces (about 90g) Bread 2 pieces (about 60g) / May be replaced with a 1 on 1 gram ratio with Matzah as bread was not available in store because of the "Pesah holiday" Spinach - 200g Peanut butter - 30g Olive oil - 30g Shiitake mushrooms - up to 25g Cranberries dried(Unsweetened) - 50g as I recently found out we need Iodine, and I was not tending to it. ( Still trying to find out if dried also contain Iodine, and perhaps will replace them with nuri down the road, although I believe they are tastier 🙂 ) Dinner: Apple - 1 piece Carrot - 2-3 pieces (About 150g) moved from lunch Bread - one piece (About 30g) moved from lunch / May be replaced with a 1 on 1 gram ratio with Matzah as bread was not available in store because of the "Pesah holiday" Cabbage - 35g - removed as It is not really required and the vitamin C interrupts the Iron consumption within the Tahini Spinach - 200g - moved to lunch as it might hurt iron consumption Dates - 60g Rice(dry before cooking) - 70g Tahini - 50g Salt - 2g The changes are a result of reading some information and visiting a nutritionist/dietitian. Though I am still looking for another nutritionist, because the two I've been to refuse to work on a per gram schedule and only speak in very general lines.
  7. Yes, I'm updating it every now and then but it's quite long already so I'm more than satisfied with what I'm aiming for at the moment. 🙂
  8. What a nice picture it is. During my undergraduate study my university organized a trip to a French ski resort and we had a lot of great experiences there. Tell you something, that charged me up for the rest of that academic year. Are you updating the bucket list? Its no less important than completing the goals on it. I started a list of non-current goals of my own. More like targets of opportunity.
  9. Last week
  10. Today I played 1 full game of chess. i am feeling utterly demoralized. Which I know is what my family wants. update: watched thesandman 4 episodes in living room with headphones on.
  11. This weekend I finally went to Hemavan, which is a big ski resort in my county. When I set out to learn how to ski this was one of my biggest goals. I wanted to grow in confidence and strengthen my body so that I could ski in a large unexplored area for at least two days. In the end I enjoyed myself for a full three days of skiiing where everything went almost perfectly. Out of 36 slopes I checked off 25 of them and also visited plenty of restaurants and wonderful vistas. It's hard to capture nature when it's so vast and beautiful but the picture below was my best effort I believe. At the end of the trip I crossed my bucket list where it said "learn how to ski" because I'm now confident enough that I feel I can go anywhere and enjoy myself on a pair of skis. It took only three months to reach this stage which makes me believe that there is so much more things I can learn and many more challenges I can overcome. You just have to set your mind to it, go for it and never give up.
  12. Thanks for the inspirational words. I'm fairly confident in myself and my ability, but I'm occasionally sensitive to change and the influence of other people. I am autistic so much of this stems from my genes and how I've adapted to my traits and special needs over the years. I get easily fixated on things and can obsess over people who hold emotional power over me, and this is also why I got stuck with video games for so long. I am seeing a therapist at the moment who helps me understand some of these hardships because at times I am quite lost. People usually describe me as someone who has a lot of self-awareness and discipline, but they don't always understand the struggle deep inside. I am at peace with this part of myself today and I know that it's just in my nature to get emotionally overwhelmed from time to time. My main focus right now, besides learning more about myself and staying away from gaming, is to prove that I can overcome various challenges even under stress. So far I've traveled a bit and learnt new skills and I've always loved the feeling afterwards. Life becomes less of an obstacle and more of an opportunity. This winter I've learnt how to ski at various resorts and during summer I'm gonna go on my first trip overseas all alone. It has lit a spark in me that gaming never could. When I played video games I could feel immense moments of joy in the moment but I was always left with a feeling of hollowness and futility. A real life experience never results in that as it includes so much more meaningful experience. Overall I feel like I am on the right track but every now and then I need some guidance and support because my emotions get the better of me. It's one day at a time and just try to make the most out of it.
  13. Time to reset my gaming detox counter. It started going downhill when my co-workers started talking about one idle game. Working at the game industry makes detoxing harder since I have to test and play games for research purposes. So, I started playing the game on Thursday during working hours since it was work and I was in control. Then when the working hours ended, I had this urge to keep going with the game. Damn idle clickers have always been a weak spot for me since you can do more and more to optimize your future gains. If you don't upgrade, then the future upgrades are going to take a looong time. So, I played for the weekend until I got to the stage where you reset the game to get some passive bonuses so you can do it all again but faster. Then I started to wonder why in hell am I even playing the game. I played it only to fulfill this feeling of frenzy, similar to what you get when watching porn. I uninstalled the game and ended up playing another game. It wasn't fun. Today when I was walking to a grocery store I started to think about dota and how nice it could be to try it again, but I quickly said no since I'm past that soul-sucking game. I played an MMO for a couple of hours today and watched some South Park at the same time. I never thought that I would do that. It felt like I was in the far end again, perhaps even further since I have never gone as far as to play a video game and watch a tv series at the same time. That was it. I don't want this to continue. I don't want to keep making this mental image of myself sitting at the computer every day for 10h+ a reality. It sounds pathetic, and I have to admit that it is. I want to change. Time to start from 0 days again, let's go.
  14. Entry 27.03 Day 188: No Useless Videos Day 186: Sticking to Food schedule Day 81: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 80: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. - 8 pomodoros ( 37 day streak ) and following the system that is written and un-updated, so that I eliminate as much decision-making as possible, and will update he systems on the next iteration of my work-production process. - Being at home with bike tied downstairs at 21 06, and avoiding the last delivery which could make a further delay of me coming back at about 21 15 - Woke up within 5 minutes of alarm clock going off 1 Thing I could do better - Start devoting time to researching a new bike, or really start looking for another job, as there are 4 ways I might be hurting my health now. 1. Getting bladder hit by road bumps all the time because of insufficient shock absorption 2. Getting joints hit by road bumps because of insufficient shock absorption 3. Air pollution, the effect of which gets increased when doing sports because of heaver breathing 4. The inherent danger of riding on the road and generally on a bike
  15. Rewatched “randy is sober” while doing stuff. Listened to music while tunning to kvickly. Realized I had lost part of the text file to secure living situation. life is super super tough right now and requires a side of me I not only do not have energy for, but also do not have funds, training, mental fortitude to execute actions on. implementing no tv no movies bottom line. Youtube clips ,instructions and lectures are otherwise excluded. But it cannot be a random lecture remix. yesterday I inadversently played chess for a bit becUse I had previously deactivated screen time. I have to fucking tun everywhere. I am starting to develop a hardened bitterness and inner apathy towards my family. Seriosuly about to force change legally or with other tactics they themselves have used. Its a challenge to move forward and upward in life.
  16. I was into games like Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Animal Crossing, The Sims, Roller Coaster Tycoon, House Flipper..... And many more. Management simulators and life simulators were my drug of choice. Probably because so much of my life felt out of my control... Such as the fact that I'll probably never own my own home because of my disabilities. I also desperately wanted to express myself in artistic ways. Nowadays I seek the same things I sought out in those games, but the real life equivalents. I explore real nature. I draw and paint. I decluttered, clean, and decorate my living space. I'm getting back into riding a bike. I even go out of my way to make sure I can ride real roller coasters once a year! I apply the few things I learned through video games, like the extreme perseverance needed to be a completionist, and I apply them to my real endeavour now too. That's how I was able to become a mandala artist... I taught myself patience through repetitive actions that build on each other to become something beautiful. (Like when I built my ACNH island, for example.) It helps that I have a daughter now, and our relationship is the most important thing in my life. Nothing compares to the real thing! Fake kids in The Sims could never replace my amazing, hilarious, creative, smart, beautiful little girl. I lost a lot of time with my dad to his video game addiction, and when my daughter was 8 Months old I made the decision that I wouldn't make the same mistakes. Nearly 10 months later, quitting games is one of the best decisions I have ever made! Not even my first rodeo, I've done 3 detoxes before this. But this is the longest I've ever gone and this time I'm in it to kick games for good.
  17. Entry 26.03 Day 187: No Useless Videos Day 185: Sticking to Food schedule Day 80: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 79: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. - 8 pomodoros ( 36 day streak ) - Waking up for workout at 05 45 and completing the workout. - Visiting dietitian and panoramic tooth imaging, as written in schedule, despite it causing me to miss a part of the scheduled food. 1 Thing I could do better - I should consider scheduling half an hour for napping, as I had 2 pomodoros where I was just dozing off in front of the screen and it is certainly not the first time Important note: I believe I finished eating before 19 01, but I only looked at the clock a few seconds after ( 19 01 03) so it is remotely possible I broke the streak. But, I'm not very sure, and it is minor. So I consider it that I still am on the streak (This had already happened one time that the time was 19 01 01 when I looked at it but I believe I took the bite before.) Well had to be completely honest... 😄
  18. Entry 25.03 (Written on 26.03) Day 186: No Useless Videos Day 184: Sticking to Food schedule Day 79: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 78: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. - 8 pomodoros ( 35 day streak ) - Again being effective during pomodoros, and actually being 1 minute short of hitting my goal of summarizing 1h and 30m of it - 20 Deliveries (6 hours) Although planned 28 and 7, nonetheless finished the weekend norm of 40 which is not bad too. 1 Thing I could do better -Put alarm clock a bit louder (I simply missed it, not woke up and ignored it this time...)
  19. Played chess today briefly. Moved a piece but didnt respond
  20. So getting up at five seems doable. Following this up with a bit of a routine doesn't seem to cause all that much of a problem, but I'll have to adjust all of this to finish all the tedious task in the evening, so that I don't to do them in the morning. So far, I've been doing something like : - 5:00 am / My room : Get up and shut down the alarm clock - After doing that : Make the bed - After doing that : Get dressed for the day - 5:10 am (ish) / Bath room : Brush my teeth - After doing that : Floss - After doing that : Take medication Next step is to follow this up with - 5h20 am / Entry : Check if I have my bus pass - After that : Check if I have 2 ID piece - After that : Check if I have a cheque sample - After that : Check if I have my keys - After that : Check if I have the google map page I printed -After that : Check if I have my lunch - After that : Check if I have my boots - Take the bus 5h40 am/ Bus stop : Wait for the bus That's all I've got so far, I'll think of an agenda this evening at 6:00am _________________ Aside from that things went not se bad yesterday : nearly finished with the montage and I ended up reading a nice chunck of the road user guide. Left a comment for a review and I've been looking at these KIOTK vids more and more. They're really cool in my opinion. I am thinking about changing the format of theses messages... the format I've been using is honnestly boring at this point. __________________ Plan for the day - 8 am / Basement : Leave an AN comment - 8:20 am / Basement : More KIOTK video exercise - 9 :20 am / Basement : Finish that montage video - Adjust the duration of each clip - Add a title to each clip - Figure out how to to a fade in / out on davinci - Compile and post on the website At 11h20 / Basement : Personnal work - List a bunch of story idea - Fill in the reference grid 12h00 / Kitchen : Break 13h00 / Basement : Read the road user guide starting from page 232 At 14h00 / Basement : Personnal work - List a bunch of story idea - Fill in the reference grid At 17h00 / Kitchen : Break At 18h00 /Basement : Write down agenda for the day - The time / place scedule for tomorrow - Add some stuff that I would like to add to the routine - Check the specific for the kind of works that need to be done / video that needs to be read At 19h00 / Basement : Close computer - After that : Clean up work place a bit At 19h15 / Bath room : Take bath - After that : Brush teeth - After that : Floss teeth - After that : Shave At 19h40 / Kitchen : Cut vegetable for tomorrow - Make sandwich for lunch At 20:10/ Kitchen : Clean the dishes At 20:30 / Entry : Place all the required stuff for tomorrow - The keys - My IDs - My bus pass - My cheque sample - My map - My boots At 20:50 / Room : Go to sleep
  21. Fell into chess after having played visual card game but on the flop sode wass super social
  22. March 25 2023 Yesterday was a relapse day. Didn't make it very far, but I'm still going to keep trying. I read that relapse is common in the first 30 days so I'm going to keep trying.
  23. Entry 24.03 (Edit) (Written on 25.03) Day 185: No Useless Videos Day 183: Sticking to Food schedule Day 78: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 77: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. - 8 pomodoros ( 34 day streak ) - Focusing quite effectively during pomodoros and feeling productive - When having thoughts about perhaps having joint problems and feeling scared that my bike might be causing me health problems, still pulling through and continuing work as usual. eventually o figured out the the elbow slight pain was because of the shirt I was wearing 1 Thing I could do better -Place goals for the day in terms of pomodoro time to be even more effective
  24. Allright, so I've manage to wake up at five today. I'll have to set up a bit of a routine after that, but that's a nice start. - Finished that walk cycle - Daily review - Finished a KIOTK vid ________________________________________________________ Objective 01, Social media only for education : Day57 ________________________________________________________ Objective 02, Wake up at 6am, drink a coffee, write down the daily objectives on this website first thing after getting up : Day 21 ___________________________________________________________ Objective 03 : Day 50 - Accomplish 7h00 of work total *** (see the note bellow) - Start working at 8h30 am and work for 3h30 - Continue at 1h30 pm, work for 3h30 - If I still haven't done 7h00 of work by then due to interruptions, continue at 6h30 work until I've done my 7h00 *** NOTE - Working is important for me, but I still want to remain flexible. I don't feel like cutting myself off from the people I know and tell them that I can't see em because I have to work and study. During those day where I'll be visiting someone (father, brother, whatever) for a big chunk of the day, the objective changes from 7h00 of work to 3h30 of work. - No form of distraction / fun activity allowed until I've tried as much as possible to complete those objectives without being sleep deprived the next day, and that means No television, no phone conversations, no texting, no reading ______________ Today - At 8h30 / Basement : Review someones work - Participate in the KIOTK exercise - At 9h30 / Basement : Make a nice work compilaiton for this session - At 11h30 / Basement : Personnal work - List a bunch of story idea - Fill in the reference grid At 12h30 / Basement : Break At 13h30 /Basement : Road user guide starting from page 228 At 15h30 / Basement : Anim correction - Make some story sketches - Describe the motion of the animation At 17h30 / Living room : Break At 18h00 / Basement : Agenda and cue list At 19h00 /Basement : Basement clean up and closing the computer - After that / Kitchen : Prepare lunch for tomorrow At 19h45 / Bathroom : Take bath - Brush teeth - Floss teeth - Shave At 8h30 / Basement : Go to sleep
  25. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    20th Mar - 24th Mar: I've had a cold for the past week, I probably caught it on the bike trip with my girlfriend. I met with my friends a few times while keeping warm, although I do feel somewhat tired. I've been working on the financial blog and I'm going to make my first post soon.
  26. I used to follow Peterson closely for about a year or two after I quit games in April 2019. I'm not as active as I used to be around here, but guys around the forum and I mentioned his videos/writing/advice quite often in our diaries. Mind you his content then was more in line with "Peterson the psychologist" line, rather than "Peterson the public commentator" he branded himself into after 2020-2021. You quitting games is a bigger deal than what Cam Adair thinks about Jordan Peterson anyway, so welcome onboard 🙂
  27. I was enjoying a mods trolly comments on andrei2i stream today and parodying allong and makeing own jokes. God laugh out w passive aggressiveness. Iys however still aoe2z and relationship with dad is utter shit. He behaves like an asshole because he only cares about his grandson. Not at all me. At all. Tgisbis what the bottom line shows. And even him hiding good or constantly only complaining makes him someone not to be desired in a room with. Him yelling provokes me yelling at him back because I am jot a farm animal and I do kot stand his abuse. Yet he portrays me as a monster to everyone in jos circle and an eccho chamber emerges. I walked to Ry today and even though my father sae me with a bag he did not wnat to give me a lift. In order kot to get arrested for car theft as I’m sure my sister has convinced him and actually pressured hom to do, I am choosing to respect his selfish boundary andwalked for a good 50 mijutes with 30ish kilos on my injured spine. i am growing resrntful of gim and everything he stands for. He has not worked for the past 20 years beyond chopping lumber and when pressured to do odd temp jobs. Hes just siphoined my grandfathers wealth only this time there is jo mom to argue for me. It feels like this family is a negotiatiating; economic; basic needs; reputation; education war filled eith reconnaissance, flying monkeys, gaslighting emotional verbal and physical abuse. it is a mitacle no one is dead yet.
  28. I've tried a few time, can't seem to make that whole waking up thing work... at least not at 4 am. I'll keep on trying, but at 5 am this time around. Won't leave me a lot of time to do anything in the morning but that's just how it is, i'll have to find something in the evening. - More work on the walk cycle - Daily review - Checked part 4/5/6 of the vid on weight and balance - Read the road user guide ________________________________________________________ Objective 01, Social media only for education : Day57 ________________________________________________________ Objective 02, Wake up at 6am, drink a coffee, write down the daily objectives on this website first thing after getting up : Day 21 ___________________________________________________________ Objective 03 : Day 50 - Accomplish 7h00 of work total *** (see the note bellow) - Start working at 8h30 am and work for 3h30 - Continue at 1h30 pm, work for 3h30 - If I still haven't done 7h00 of work by then due to interruptions, continue at 6h30 work until I've done my 7h00 *** NOTE - Working is important for me, but I still want to remain flexible. I don't feel like cutting myself off from the people I know and tell them that I can't see em because I have to work and study. During those day where I'll be visiting someone (father, brother, whatever) for a big chunk of the day, the objective changes from 7h00 of work to 3h30 of work. - No form of distraction / fun activity allowed until I've tried as much as possible to complete those objectives without being sleep deprived the next day, and that means No television, no phone conversations, no texting, no reading ______________ Today - At 8h30 / Basement : Review someones work - KIOTK video and note afterward - At 9h30 / Pharmacie : Check up with my doctor At 10h00 / Basement : Prepare for interview at 12h00 - Prepare in advance for basic questions - Look up the compagny values and all that - What they're looking for in their employee At 12h00 / Basement : Interview At 12h30 / Basement : Break At 13h30 /Basement : Road user guide starting from page 228 At 15h30 / Basement : Anim correction - Fix knee pop - After that, work on the clip compilation for this session At 17h30 / Living room : Break At 18h00 / Basement : Agenda and cue list At 19h00 /Basement : Basement clean up and closing the computer - After that / Kitchen : Prepare lunch for tomorrow At 19h45 / Bathroom : Take bath - Brush teeth - Floss teeth - Shave At 8h30 / Basement : Go to sleep
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