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  1. Yesterday
  2. Hey, I'm Brice, 26, been a competitive FPS player for a long time. Reasons for quitting now are: - I want to follow the Buddhist path, and competitive FPS games give you a sense of pride and "being better" than everyone, "demolishing" lobbies that are unhealthy and against Buddhist principles. Too much ego. And even if I try to not think about it, the competitive nature of it brings me back to it. - The time when playing games goes so fast I feel like I never have time to do shit anymore with work and studies. Things also don't feel as pleasurable as video games and I want to change this "minimal pleasure" threshold. I also don't cook much anymore. - Eroding my relationship with my girlfriend way too much. It might save my couple if I stop. - Want to do something valuable to real people in the real world. Create rather than consume. - I am a very creative guy (music, programming, art, etc) and I'm not doing any of those anymore. - Impacts my ability to study to get a fucking great job in the future. - I also spend some money on it that I would rather spend elsewhere. As of day 1, my feelings are hopefulness and a bit of worry. I already tried to quit in the past with some success and it always has been a positive experience. Now I want to definitely quit and actually live the life I dreamed of. What I wrote so far is: -I feel hopeful about me having more time. I feel a bit worried about boredom. -I feel a bit worried that I won't have fun anymore in my life. -I feel also a bit worried about watching tv shows and stuff. Seems like a similar kind of distraction. -I'm not sure if I'll suceed also. See you tomorrow guys. Don't have time today so this is very rough sorry.
  3. Hey, I'm Brice, 26, been a competitive FPS player for a long time. Reasons for quitting now are: - I want to follow the Buddhist path, and competitive FPS games give you a sense of pride and "being better" than everyone, "demolishing" lobbies that are unhealthy and against Buddhist principles. Too much ego. And even if I try to not think about it, the competitive nature of it brings me back to it. - The time when playing games goes so fast I feel like I never have time to do shit anymore with work and studies. Things also don't feel as pleasurable as video games and I want to change this "minimal pleasure" threshold. I also don't cook much anymore. - Eroding my relationship with my girlfriend way too much. It might save my couple if I stop. - Want to do something valuable to real people in the real world. Create rather than consume. - I am a very creative guy (music, programming, art, etc) and I'm not doing any of those anymore. - Impacts my ability to study to get a fucking great job in the future. - I also spend some money on it that I would rather spend elsewhere.
  4. As you probably know I'm a fan of daycounts so I approve 🙂 Regarding gaming, as I said one of the 4 needs gaming fulfills for us is Temporary escape, so the elements that gaming contains are going to need to be met in some way, just use this need to progress in life as it was designed to help us do, instead of satisfy it with online or computer gaming. Regards relationships I'm going to abstain from commenting since I've put it aside for quite a long time for other priorities, so perhaps ask someone else 😄 Keep up the good fight 🙂
  5. Entry 13.6 ( Written on 14.6) Day 622: No Useless Videos Day 621: Sticking to Food schedule Day 223: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 214: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 0: 6 pomodoros - 4 3 Things I did well no matter how small -1 hour run with 2 additional kgs in the weight vest -Quite concentrated during calls at job. -Calling an apartment owner as promised even though he didn't answer 1 Thing I could do better -Still avoid dozing off and do more calls regarding apartments as yesterday
  6. Last week
  7. I don't know myself, but I think every relationship is different in this aspect. If the dynamic is set correctly and both parties agree, then there's not much to disprove. To expand on your safe space idea: my girlfriend can be angry and happy (at the same time!) about the qualities that I have to make her safe space "happen". It really depends on the context.
  8. June 13 - Day #0 I want to start sharing how I'm beating back games and erotic material once again, with a day-count, that either increases or resets back to 0 with an honest explanation of why and/or how. Yesterday was something like a day from hell, but one that I said here was foreseeable if I made explicit gaming goals. I didn't even play yesterday, but it was on my mind like before - trying to arrange important duties around 'golden hours' I might spend online playing. This morning though, I had the choice to complete the 2-minute weekly gaming task which I was notified of, instead of starting a 1 hour+ session. It was a good attempt, and I signed out immediately, extremely grateful that those 2 minutes satisfied me. If I still had a child's faith, I would have called that 'holy intervention' or something. So what ended up being today's 2-minute resignation was the thought that 'I don't want to be anywhere but at my desk messing around online.' I should have come straight here, but I was afraid of shame. Bring on the next 'clean' day. ________________ This morning, I finished reading Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. It's easily the darkest and most 'grown up' of the series, due to the themes of death, survival and stuff. I realised that when I read the part where Harry marches voluntarily to what he thought was his death and felt scared within myself, that I'm in a problem space once more. I didn't have my 'objective self' or whatever seemingly available telling me strongly enough that it was 'just a story' and 'we'll be at the gym soon'. I didn't quite believe that the way I did and was excited to do during my detox last year. Going back to mindfully choosing daily activities, and not hanging on for my next dopamine hit, - which even if I'm sick of the actual phrase, I'm definitely coming to believe in - if not always leaning into discomfort/pain as I did as a teen/virgin, could work again. I miss thoughtfully picking up a textbook out of mild boredom, being awoken by a productive thought and jumping out of bed or doing some cleaning, like I did for April-May last month. _______________ There are some accompanying problem definitions surrounding giving up these 2 things. 1) Gaming - Should it include any kind of competition? I think of even simply overtaking people on the footpath, and how both either increasing my pace or trying to make the situation social/'fun' by saying something like 'big unit, coming through!' Should it include racing against time, and thereby perhaps accidentally mismanaging people to reach goals - which invites banter and other things I mightn't be able to deal with? Should it include anything recreational that has guidelines or rules, with the consequence of being excluded for not following them? Or will I just simply know in my gut when I am escaping from a situation that could provide valuable learning to me and by extension, the community? 'Leaning into pain/discomfort' is perhaps relevant here. I don't know, because eventually we all have to sit and eat/drink/talk. How much should I be racing against the clock versus letting my conscience guide the way? 2) Erotic material - Look, I'll say it - just like after accomplishing a lot of work and eating/drinking/talking afterwards for however long, I think almost everyone needs 'release' in the spirit of amorousness or desire. Otherwise some, like me, become really snappy or moody. I don't think I've ever mentioned, but I'm almost 2 metres tall, and since I stopped growing, my bodyweight has never gone below 200 lbs. At least one guy asked me at school in awe, - because all the dopamine hits I was seeking in my spare time made me mostly very calm - 'dude, how much do you masturbate?' One of my friends and best tethers to the social vibe of the playground and classroom kept pestering me to wear jeans and jackets to be 'the jock'. For however many reasons, I wasn't comfortable with that. Anyway, since puberty, even though I didn't know the word 'Freudian', I was one of probably several young males at least that started to see sex in almost everything. I was very immature, and probably didn't have the ability to provide that safe space - that so many women say is their overarching need - until later, after graduating. -> My question is though, where do erotics end and plain, healthy expressions of love begin? Should we even encourage old-school magazines or literature? Whenever I am having a decent time socialising, I either notice or imagine girls' swaying interests from their initial male company to my own. I feel bad about this, because however desperately I want to be myself and not need the internet so much, I realise that not much will ever reign supreme over the progress of my first intimate relationship. She did end up calling me a narcissist, a word I had never really heard before, but even after all the reflection I've done, I remember the 'good times' too occasionally, as she told me later. I am far too afraid of having the same experience, which I've been telling myself is for the better. I want for other people the same fulfilment that I felt for that now relatively short period of my life, before I give myself permission to keep trying for another relationship with a longer lifespan. -> Should I continue just listening to my gut, and relying on journalling for accountability? _________________ That's 'all' for this post. It is long, but dopamine hits aside, I'm always looking forward to the next stretch of real productivity, which I hope can last longer than this year's attempts so far. Maybe I don't deserve peace as much as I think I do deserve a violence/aggression-free routine, but I hope you guys and as many other people get it as some far-off result of what discipline I can achieve. I'll try to remember that. Peace, ~ Matt
  9. A bookworm you are. Haven't seen you here in a while, perhaps we may see you more often? 🙂
  10. Entry 12.6 ( Written on 13.6) Day 621: No Useless Videos Day 620: Sticking to Food schedule Day 222: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 213: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 0: 6 pomodoros - 4 3 Things I did well no matter how small -1 hour workout again -Two long calls regarding apartmentss -in bed at 21 again 1 Thing I could do better -More calls instead of dozing off
  11. Monday wasn't a good day. Nothing bad happened to me, it was like I decided to have a bad day. I'm not helping myself with the language I am using here: "good" vs "bad"; so vague for the amount of weight they bring. So, let's be more specific and fair. I had an unproductive day, a day of "binging" so to speak. I didn't shower. I didn't get dressed. I ate junk food, played video games, and watched anime all day. There were moments of self-awareness but I chose to continue fleeing/avoiding judgment/guilt; I felt ashamed - I didn't want anyone to see me the way I was - like I was a "bad" person (there's that language again). I'm not a "bad" person. I make mistakes all the time, sure, but who doesn't? I've made these mistakes - hurting myself and/or others - more often than I'm willing to accept though... Now that I think about it, the bar for the "acceptable range" is pretty low; too low perhaps. Regarding yesterday, all the "damage" done didn't directly involve others, it was directed at me exclusively. Was it even intentional? I was foolishly neglectful of my needs and/or overindulgent in my wants. But that was yesterday. There might (probably will) be similar instances in the future but at the moment, I am being more mindful, perhaps even productive on a personal/spiritual level. With some effort, it seems reasonable to deem the labeling of my entire identity as "bad", because of yesterday, harsh; just as instinctively, it seems reasonable to deem the labeling of my entire identity as "good", because of the present moment, meek. I am neither "good" nor "bad" overall. I like to think I am "good enough" overall at the moment. xD It takes a lot of cognitive effort at the moment (given the depression I'm going through) but I can forgive myself. That's an important skill to have/use. If I can't forgive myself, then I wouldn't allow myself to make mistakes, to take risks, to "live life" per se. In this light here's a sample of the lyrics from one of my favorite songs, Learning to Live by Dream Theater. Peace out folks. Hope you have a nice day.
  12. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    8 June - 11 June: I went out with some friends I hadn't seen in a long time. I also visited my family and worked on the kitchen. I went to the last of the doctor's appointments and I am happy to say everything is OK. I've been craving porn for the last few days, but I'm porn-free for almost a month. I'm in touch with a non-profit that offers resources and support for porn addicts. If you guys @Pochatok and @BooksandTrees are struggling sometimes, don't be afraid to reach out.
  13. June 7-12 Singing along to CD and mp3 music early on in my life in the family car, then at school, then at the computer as I often played around - either on an actual game or browsing randomly - has always been something I enjoyed. Then finally at 19, after a year of kitchen work, I began to feel prompted to sing again, when there was enough rhythm in our hands making pizzas. This weekend, it looks like I'll have the opportunity to sing some more, in company. I intend to warn everyone that it is advanced singing and I might run out of breath, but it's worth a shot for the hassle-free fun of it. Maybe if enough people get into it, our social group might respond even better to karaoke events. Because I played music for almost all of my time gaming, and I've burned my ears (and eyes!) with so much intense emotional expression, it takes a fair bit to genuinely move me. That is one of my truer regrets - not having spread out all that emotion across a majority of my life to carry me through what has recently felt dull. Still, the battle (to maintain and improve mine/others' human experience) goes on. Gratitude: ~ the sense of having daily options, so as not to have to demand so much - seeing others take additional pains for me makes me feel bad ~ the social event afternoon at the beach last weekend, where dehydration actually got to me, but was survived - then the ferry trip home in company ~ seeing here that on the recent change in seasons perhaps, I haven't been alone in struggling ~ 2.5 weeks and the original Harry Potter book series is almost down; I'll be ready for something new again soon I'm sorry about everyone's blues. Seriously, try some of Switchfoot's music! 😮 ~ Matt
  14. Entry 11.6 ( Written on 12.6) Day 620: No Useless Videos Day 619: Sticking to Food schedule Day 221: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 212: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 0: 6 pomodoros - 4 3 Things I did well no matter how small -1 hour wrkout -a bit under 2 hours progress on moving -in bed at 21 🙂 1 Thing I could do better -Be a bit more concentrated during dinner prep
  15. Entry 10.6 ( Written on 11.6) Day 619: No Useless Videos Day 616: Sticking to Food schedule Day 220: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 211: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 0: 6 pomodoros - 4 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Withstood small urge to withdraw to bed in the evening -Called a few apartment owners -Back in shower on time 1 Thing I could do better -Shorter breaks between pomodoros
  16. Day 58-66 The last week or so has been hard. Not for any concrete external reasons, I've just been really craving games. I spent a lot of time last week researching solo TTRPGs, hoping they could fill a void while still encouraging me to be creative and potentially screen-free. Nothing quite fit, though. I ran my best 10k yesterday (and it was only my second time running 10K without any walking segment, I think) but I feel exhausted today. I realise that exercise is the only area in which I've pushed myself slightly out of my comfort zone in the last month or so. Otherwise, I haven't tried to join any interesting local groups, or initiate any activity with friends, or develop new skills. My sleeping pattern has remained good at least.
  17. Entry 9.6 ( Written on 10.6) Day 618: No Useless Videos Day 615: Sticking to Food schedule Day 219: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 210: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 0: 6 pomodoros - just 2, and 2 during the night 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Reduced oil to 60g instead of about 90, still felt a bit heavy, but I'm sure it would harm me even more if it were to be at 90. -Putting cash into bank account -Two calls regarding apartment, even though no-one answered. 1 Thing I could do better -I don't care if I'm dozing off, I shall go to bed only when schedules, at least for the next few days
  18. it's been nearly a month! i've quit my job, moved home (so lucky to have a family that can provide me space to live in, that respects my boundaries, that empowers me to be my best self). i've stopped watching tv, i've quit gaming (again- i play from time to time, but games that have no addictive/entertaining aspects, like 'minesweeper') i'm still struggling w/ escapism of other sorts- simply having my mind wonder in times when i can be learning/making things. i'm still struggling w/ pornography- i've been experiencing a lot of stress due to big life changes, and i don't like that this is my way of coping. but, it's only so because i'm denying myself other things- like going on walks, exercising, meeting people. i need to set my priorities better! with all of that, i'm building amibition- constantly countering thoughts of helplessness, of internalized limitations... and now, nearly a week after quitting my job, i need to let that blossom. none of this can wait another day. i must live to my fullest.
  19. It's been almost 2 months since my last post in this journal/thread. My situation hasn't significantly changed since then. I'm still unemployed, still gaming, floating between mild and moderate depression. To be honest, I don't think I can blame anybody but myself for this stagnancy. I openly admit I have barely put in extra effort towards change, especially career-wise. That same lack of motivation and "willpower" I've often struggled with. I'm stuck in this "cycle" of avoidance/procrastination so to speak. I'm repeating myself here, as I've expressed in my last several posts, this lifestyle is largely fueled by cynicism towards myself and the society I live in at large. It takes a lot to muster up the will to "keep trying" when it feels impossible. Even if I acknowledge the subjectivity and fallacious nature of this "impossibility", that I will certainly and probably have succeeded in more ways than I instinctively acknowledge, the feeling doesn't go away. If I keep waiting for this feeling to go away before acting, then I might never (if ever) act. I can't make this feeling go away. I must learn to accept it, live with it, and make "reasonable/wise" accommodations for it. Acceptance is a big topic in my psychotherapy. So I searched the word on YouTube and saw a video that I already watched and commented on it, ~2 years ago. So here I go... despite the awkwardness... dear me, It's ok that you feel it's almost impossible to improve/succeed in various aspects of life like health, career, and community. A lot of things happened to you... you wanted... heck, you deserved better. I'm proud that you haven't given up completely, and that you manage to muster up wisdom, courage, and strength. I believe you can make it out of this eventually. Keep thinking, keep trying and good luck. I love you man. TTYL. Peace out.
  20. Entry 8.6 ( Written on 9.6) Day 618: No Useless Videos Day 615: Sticking to Food schedule Day 219: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 210: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 2: 6 pomodoros 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Viewing apartments and sending some messages on the apt. searching website -Planning out the week -Cleaning kitchen table (Moving dishwashing machine etc. 1 Thing I could do better -I think after all 100g of olive oil is too much, should change that in schedule in next weeks
  21. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    I'm using the template I used the last time. 10/5/24 - 7/6/24 "L" will stand for the (last) plan/notes for this term. "T" will stand for done this term. I added "Future goals/direction" to better reflect on the things I am trying to do and to add specificity. I will copy it and stick it somewhere where I can see it to remind myself whenever I feel aimless. I will also use different colors: blue for newly added goals/habits, green for completed/successful, orange for ongoing/some progress and red for ones I haven't worked on in that period. Books/Reading articles/Learning: L: I think that in the last six weeks, I've read the business book once. Not because I don't want to or because it's not practical (it's quite the opposite), but because I'm always doing something else. I have been more active here though. I also went to the speaking club a few times last month. T: I had to return the book, as the library borrowing expired. I worked on the CELTA though, so that's learning and development. Possible direction/goals: (Borrow) and read one book until the next monthly report. Family: L: I had a Easter family meeting and a trip with my brother to try out the new chairs in a showroom. I'm making my grandma's kitchen my priority before I leave for the CELTA course in July. T: I have grown disappointed from the reality of my family. I always thought that if there was a real need, then we'd close up and work together. However, it just seems to me that once the bare minimum is done, then everybody just goes away and doesn't care anymore. The kitchen is a perfect example of that. It's not urgent, so it doesn't get done. I had my other duties to finish in the past year since we bought it LAST June (finishing my degree in September-January and then moving in with my girlfriend February-April), but I could've definitely done more, so I take the blame for that. Yet everybody expects me do just "do" it, while I have the least experience with it. I know nothing about electricity and gas pipes. My expertise stops at assembling furniture from IKEA. Speaking of which, my father told me to ask my brother to help me with assembling/measuring a cabinet, to see how it works out with gas pipes. So I went for sushi with my brother. He told me that I can handle assembling it on my own. So, the next week, I took my girlfriend and another friend, who were actually willing to help me, and assembled the cabinet. It took us two hours in two/three, so I can't imagine the struggle of just doing it alone, which would probably take up the whole afternoon too. I'm not going to beg anyone for help, it's not in my nature. It seems to me this happens every step of the way. I humbly ask for help. I get a limited piece of advice to work with. Then I don't know what to do first, because there is no plan. I can't plan it, as I have no idea what influences what. I am paralyzed, as I have no idea as to what I am missing. The work stops. Nobody ever asks me what the problem is. Everybody either ignores it or thinks it's my turn to do something. I will try to communicate, but I think I have communicated enough and to no avail. I'm exhausted. That's on top of all the other negative stuff: my father not coming to my mom's gallery exhibition, my grandma constantly bitching about my uncle/his second wife or panicking about something trivial and my mom having a mental condition. I just don't think families of any (former) addicts are truly good and functional. That's not to say that all the individual members need to have a bad life or something. I just mean the fact that the unit and its relationships are contaminated and it'd take a sincere effort of all involved to make it better, which is extremely rare. I think you guys @BooksandTrees and @wheatbiscuit and possibly many others would agree. NOT: I don't want to get alienated from my family. Possible direction/goals: Work on getting the new kitchen for my grandma. Continue work on maintaining the relationships with my family. Business/English: L: I was away for two weeks in the last six weeks, but otherwise I can again say it's been going well. The 60/55 minute transition is going well, although I think I should be stricter in enforcing it and perhaps informing my students a bit better. My priority for the next few weeks is to prepare for the CELTA course that starts in July. I want to work on the questionnaire part 3 in May/June as well. I might want to create some list of milestones I've already achieved, in the type of "past projects" below to have a better overview over the work I've done over the years, but I'll leave that for the next report. T: I did the questionnaire part 3. I expect to have next to no lessons in July and probably a few less than usual in August. I'll probably cancel the rest of the agency courses from September, but I'll see in August. I think I don't need to gather new ideas, but I need to work on the ones I already have. - 20 (22) hours last week in May: Category A 75% (74); B 4% (3); C 0% (5); D 13% (11); E 8% (7). Brackets are % values from previous month/week. - I've done a bit of an analysis of my courses and categorized them based on what they provide me. I earmarked five types of courses: a) my own - well paid + generally more motivated students (as they pay the courses themselves) + more challenging b) premium - language school courses paid at a premium compared to my standard LS courses for various reasons (roughly matching the a) group) c) flexible - courses from LS that don't have a fixed schedule, meaning it's on me if I make time for them or not (though I mostly do, as can they plug the gaps or can start my day) d) challenging/fun/prospective - standard LS courses with an added quality e) neither - standard LS courses without any added quality - NOT: I don't want to have a job that I don't enjoy. I don't want to have a job that is not well paid. Possible direction/goals: With my job position and student demand secure, I'm more able and willing to reschedule or even cancel classes in case I want to do something, mainly in the evening and for holidays. I enjoy having this option thoroughly. Keep classes at a stable 20-25 hours a week. Keep asking for reviews or recommendations from students. Look into strategies to become truly self-employed by skipping the agencies in between. - check university offers after CELTA Create a learning plan for myself. - going to CELTA Go through "lecturer academy" materials. Networking and business events. Past projects: Questionnaire - June 2023 Fixed logos on my website for better visuals. Updated the pricing section of my website. Variable/tiered pricing (do in July/August). Got minor pay raises from language schools. - summer 2023 Did evaluations/testing of my students, if required. Attended one networking event and one marketing seminar. Introduced "phone call" classes. Update website/business profiles with "phone calls". Lecturer academy. - fall 2023 Sample business contract on my website. - update the web with new ideas before July Google sheets system for students. - update it Questionnaire part 2 - January 2024 Canceled agency courses - March Taxes - April/May 60/55 minutes online transition - April/May Questionnaire part 3 - June CELTA - July Exercise/Movement: L: Went for a hiking holiday with my girlfriend in Slovenia for two weeks. Went cycling and running as well. T: Went for a hike and went running a few times too. Visited doctors for checkups. NOT: I don't want to become fat. Possible direction/goals: I enjoy the fact I do not have to be "actively" dealing with this area of my life, as it's technically a part of my job. I just have to be on lookout if that was to change. Keep in shape. Blogging: L: I actually got a spur of inspiration and wrote an article in two days. Wow 😄 T: I had an idea for an article and I wanted to write it, but then I did something more urgent and I haven't had the time since. Oh well. Possible direction/goals: Find a suitable UI/web template. Set up emailing for subs. Post two articles a month. Polish links in articles. Interlink new articles with old ones. Finish articles in concepts. --- What to do if I am bored? Replacement activities for 1 hour: reading books, cleaning, washing the dishes, reading newsletters Replacement activities for 2 hours: going for a walk, work on my business, blogging --- Additional thoughts/activities: I had somehow thought I would have more time to do "stuff" after I finished the university in January. I put on average 2-3 hours towards my thesis a day to it throughout October-January. The thing is, I don't think I do have more time. February-April was about moving in with my girlfriend. I'm happy I did. I also had an uptick in the number of students/lessons. I'm also happy for that. However, I have 10 things I have to/should do in my head now. I spent some 5 hours on exploring/writing this report to help me sift through it all. Some of the things are nice and I want to do them, but I don't have the time. Some of them are important or promised, but I don't want to do them. It's OK, I am not THAT much under pressure, but I need a system to get these things done and to move forward. My priorities for the next six weeks: Prepare for the CELTA English teaching course that starts in six weeks. - almost done I want to work on the questionnaire part 3 in May/June as well. - done Reconstruct my grandma's kitchen. - working My hobbies are: personal finance, graphs/projections/statistics, gunnery, GIS/statistics, reading/videos about (modern) history, English, working on my business, blogging/writing, geography. This month, I did these cool activities: stopped watching porn, visited an art exhibition (in which my mom participated), played Scrabble with my girlfriend, went hiking, visited a debate about my region, spent time with my friends. --- Goals/resolutions/aspirations for 2024: Main must-have plans for 2024: Prepare for (Feb-June) and successfully make (July-August) the CELTA certificate course. Finish the university in January. In case something goes horribly wrong, then in May. I've got this. Move in with my girlfriend in April. Set up the new kitchen for my grandma. Optional nice-to-have plans for 2024: Re-start my financial blog in February. Learn how to type with all ten fingers on the keyboard. Habits: Stop watching porn (again). Start getting up when my alarm rings = Put my alarm across the room. Establish flossing at least once a week. Exercise regularly. Continue: planning, walking/exercising, writing/journaling, reading, working on good life/work balance. It's a short list, but if I manage all of it, I will be happy.
  22. Entry 7.6 ( Written on 8.6) Day 617: No Useless Videos Day 614: Sticking to Food schedule Day 218: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 209: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 1: 6 pomodoros - did 8 3 Things I did well no matter how small -Prepared hummus and lentils -Shoot and reshoot videos of Google Ads guidance since I had the voice recording turned off the first time -8 hrs of deliveries 1 Thing I could do better -Must include visualization early, since I skipped it alltogether. When I'll have the urge to doze off it's a fine time to do it (After at least a bulk of 3 pomodoros
  23. Earlier
  24. Hi, my name is karan. I am 23 years old from India. I came across this community recently so just dropped in to say hi. Also I have been addicted to a game called Mobile legends bang bang ( mlbb) due to depression. I can't afford therapy because how costly it is and i don't have job to support myself. And the game has been integrated into my life because how many friends i made and the game is really f2p. How do I quit the game?
  25. Entry 6.6 ( Written on 7.6) Day 615: No Useless Videos Day 613: Sticking to Food schedule Day 217: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 208: Being in bed before 23:15 Day 0: 6 pomodoros - did 4 3 Things I did well no matter how small -1 call regarding apartments -Calling back one client fro yesterday who didn't answer resulting in a 55k (ILS) order -In bed by 20 10 1 Thing I could do better -When speaking with potential apartment, not say I'll try calling back in two hours, rather ask for the next day. I knew I'm going o have small chance of calling back.
  26. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    30 May - 6 June: I visited the dentist after a long time, as it was fairly troublesome to find one after my old one retired. My no-porn streak still continues. At the weekend, I spent time with my friends and my girlfriend - we cleaned my car, assembled furniture at my grandma's and went for a hike. I sent the questionnaire to my students and already talked to some about the price increase. I prepared for the CELTA as well. Happy D-Day everyone!
  27. This is a tough point to make. One could very well blame his family for "letting" him become and addict when they didn't detect (or ignored) the fact when as a kid they were falling into the spiral of addiction. On the other hand, everything may have turned out swimmingly if it was not gaming but, for example, engineering. Then the innate energy and effort of the kid would be directed well. I wish my family spent more time with/on me when I was a kid. It depends on the person, but I think it's normal to have a job. Frankly, I always thought of unemployment benefits as allowance for a holiday (though I don't know if you actually receive it) 😄 That "not waking up dead" gave me a chuckle, it sounded relatable for whatever reason, but the list should obviously be fluid. I don't compare it day-to-day, but I'd find it to be suspicious if it stayed more or less the same.
  28. May 26 - June 6 I pass right by a shelter for the homeless about twice a day as I go out for appointments/exercise. Gaming or not-gaming, my non-judgmental regard, slowed pace and hesitant smiles have gotten me next to nowhere in terms of positive responses from the people benefiting from the service. In order to find community feeling, do I have to spend time under the same circumstances - or merely volunteer as much time as I can for people who live in them? I think part of what kept me gaming as a teen and pre-teen was quite similar - the people who were more invested in my game were not happy, and were - quite possibly - no longer putting effort into living 'good' lives. I think that I impressed many people with how I acted online, not knowing myself how much of my own opportunity I was wasting. Of course, as soon as I tear my eyes away from the screen or a book, I realise at many times each day that the more-physical act of living (by majority standards) is different. Also nearby, a new cafe and bakery has opened. The owner/manager seems to have a strong enough philosophy, but rarely shows signs of happiness. I don't know if he is a 'family man'. Wheatbiscuit Senior has since confessed that he 'made a mistake' (in deciding to become one). I rarely embellish or make this stuff up here. Just to be clear, if I truly wanted pity, I would be far less civil - as I am told to be. But this is to further explain why I type at length, and am not satisfied with sharing 'the basic facts' quickly and succinctly. What I think I recognise is that there's a very slim chance of avoiding having all of my prejudices/biases/attitudes/judgments worked out of me, in order to become a more well-contributing member of society. I might slow that process down by keeping my own choice of music in my ears, hiding away online/in fiction novels or oversleeping, but all I get out of that is a kind of patience for absolutely everything - certainly not any other kind of strength. I think anyone who has lived by any significant values reaches a point of intolerance. So that's what I'm trying to work with. I won't trouble you all this time with specific withdrawal symptoms or even how I felt about them. I guess I want everyone to know that I am gradually trying different methods/tips/tricks on my own and not expecting different results from doing exactly the same things. That said, there are only so many things aside from group-problem-solving that yield significantly changing results. IMO, your moves! ________________ Today, I am grateful for: ~ favourite fruits ~ not waking up dead (another personal favourite outcome) ~ a shallow-press medication pack ~ balance - I was going to 'sound out' opinions on whether everyone is convinced of the sincerity of my gratitude section - because if I were my own best friend, I would make talking points of any lack detected there. Peace. Over and out!
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