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Everything posted by Amphibian220

  1. Alexanderle, I get embarassed of people I have to deal with sometimes. Tracing your feelings can help identify problem areas. This is me: If I am totally disappointed by something, like to the point I dont care about anything at all anymore- I can walk into one of those places and connect with a woman seller. Even make a compliment that touches her! My rapport is excellent and my mind isn’t wondering any more. I am on her wave length now. I think this has to do with being attached to myself a lot. I cannot really let go and keep thinking I have to guard my inner personality. Then there are all these inner insecurities which don’t bother other people at all. I am worried that I am a foreigner not to be liked, dont fit their income class, my ideas are vastly different to theirs. So what if I am different, aren’t we all different?
  2. Update I have exercised less over the last two weeks because of getting up late (like 7-8am) and viewing flats. Less exercise meant my back started to hurt again. I cannot really lift heavy stuff, but I did nevertheless because I was moving to a new home. Mentally I feel strong: I am now doing the things that are raising my self esteem- dressing well, grooming, taking care of food and sleep. I think more of what I want and less about what others think. I don’t want to look for work now because of aforementioned reasons although I admire people on this forum that earn their income. Where did I step up? I challenged my landlady on the sum she wanted to withold for repairs. She stated she disagrees but transferred the money to “save our relationship”. I was unfazed by this. Something great that happened: Just now I met a friend whom I haven’t seen for like 8 years.
  3. Alexander, Have you had improvements? How is your exercise routine, diet, social interactions? Are you getting out of the house more often? Have you tried communicating more with your peers?
  4. Yes I went off topic because you have said something very important. We can have fears over the result causing worry in us (your friend’s statement). By accepting possibility of rejection or failure- the real you start to become visible. People start seeing you for what you are and may be attracted to you. You dont want result at all costs. Worrying about any sort of results overextends us emotionally. Reading that girl’s signal in that way got you to worry because if she likes you, its causing the question in your head: shall you get closer?
  5. @Ikar, coveting or caring for something too much kills my nerves. I can achieve the result, but at a great mental cost and then cannot enjoy it. In fact, this thread seems to run through many things in life: attracting a woman, getting your desired job, moving to a new home, reacting to a conflict. When you start thinking: “I will get this, it’s okay, it’s not such a big deal” the people around you seem to notice the change in your composure and start taking a different route with you. My friend left his carpet in the common area for the cleaners to pick up a couple of days ago. The concierge who looks after the place, naively thought it was put “away” and took it for herself. My friend’s reaction was surprise, maybe some disagreement, but she didn’t really let herself get worked up over it. I then contrast this with an employer in an English law firm who used to swear at his employees and pressured them to bill their clients aggressively. Then, on friday nights he would encourage the employees to go down to a local pub and accept him paying for everybody’s drinks. First anger triggered by coveting, then atonement through gifts?
  6. Sometimes coursework involves “work” that is of minor importance. The lecturer will indicate that . Don't waste your energy on it. The more serious work involves some important elements- if you get them, the rest falls in place like a jigsaw puzzle. I have never studied coding, but your concentration should start improving given your exercise, eating, sleeping are in good order.
  7. Netzwerker, How do you find work difficult? Is it memorization of material? Is it monotonous checking and correcting errors in the code? One point that is good to look at is how much easier other people complete the work that you are doing. Other people who can see you are like mirrors. The Italians have this word “Sprezzatura”- I think it means doing work with a lot of ease and fun and not sweating it. Another thing is spotting bullshit “contrived” work and treating it like that. Do you know what certain applicants do with bullshit psychological and logical tests to get into consulting business? I am telling you from first hand experience - they game them. They don’t cheat, they pick up that the recruiter just added more unnecessary hurdles, so they jump over them. When I have work, I know only have so much fuel before my mind gets tired, so always do the important stuff in as short a time as practical. research example: i need to find an answer to a question. Ask peers what cases they have looked at. This saves research time. I have only about an hour’s worth of time. Quickly read those two-three cases, write down ratios, read 1 or 2 journal publications on the case. Start drafting answer. relax for two hours.
  8. Having your things in order gives a clear mind and a better ability to focus. If the house is messy, it can cause nerves. Although I was compulsive about it some time ago. Over the years I got to a good point where I dont spend too much time on cleaning, but do it frequently enough. It raises my spirit actually Dropping dead weights is important. By choosing not to watch non-essential information, I started becoming more proactive and confident.
  9. I asked you about how you chose the subject because you could have an idea how to apply the skills to make a great change. I have a friend who wants to study computer science in order to computerize businesses back in his home country, which are still relying on old software or just plain mobile phones. When I had a time wasting problem, I went to a library that blocked access to most websites and only allowed me one hour of free work. Due to the time constraint, I worked super fast and didn’t fall for any distractions.
  10. Welcome Jordan! Its good that you are bouncing back. I had this discussion with Alexanderle on healthy versus unhealthy relapses (you can see it in the thread “how to really change your habits”) - last couple of posts. From what I read in a number of journals, it is not possible to game in moderation. It will put you on your back sooner or later.
  11. Welcome Baylen. Can you say whereabouts are you from? I can attest that working with this website correctly produces positive changes in your life. Leaving games does not produce a giant void, the void was always there. Gaming is suppressing your awareness- if you consciously withdraw from the game and start paying attention to the buttons you are pressing, background noises outside, the quiteness of the room- you will understand the void is always there. You gotta be brave man. if you want to change faster, instill a blackout on all non-essential media and just get involved with people and do the things that are right, give you a sense of achievement and keep you in a positive mood.
  12. I am celebrating that I stopped ignoring health issues, suppressing feelings and thoughts. I started treating people on this forum seriously, and it produced tangible positive changes in my life. When I first saw this website, I thought it was not worth registering here. I put a plan in place to find a meaningful empowering job. I am committed to never settle for mediocrity, although it scares me somewhat. But that’s just human.
  13. So what subject are you studying at University? Why have you chosen it?
  14. May you recover Joe. At times when you do want to play, understanding that games are manipulative by design helps a lot. Major gaming companies worked out a good formula after trial and error to keep you hooked in perpetuity. As they say, to defeat the enemy you have to know the enemy. Even if you encounter strong cravings, come back here and write about your emotions. Apply the learning materials that you have purchased. Start attaching to new activities and have faith if it feels embarassing or unnatural at first. Wish you all the best.
  15. I am thinking: our fathers did not even have this threat directed at them. Their cognitive abilities were and are much better. The television was the only thing then but it wasn’t accessible to every household. Even the households that had it, could only see programs at certain times. 1) Mainstream Entertainment was of the healthier kind. You could play a sport, run to the nearest cinema where the film could be boring (healthy) and more down to earth. In fact entertainment and work overlapped a lot. 2)You were drafted or conscripted into the army in most countries. 3) Most office work was handwritten paper work (I am only assuming- in the 70s there were no commercial computers in USSR). A lot of work was still in manufacturing and agricultural industry. Now: -Manufactured items, most of your food is farmed abroad and shipped and flown to you at a high ecological cost. -You seldom know what is happening in your locality. -Media makes you worry about things you cannot control. These challenges are mind blowing. Our parents wanted us to escape poverty, but did they know about this unexpected challenge?
  16. You know, I was really tested awhile back with my theory. After I did what scared me, I started reacting differently to situations. I was parking and there was this good parking spot, but some men were standing next to it. My usual reaction would be to look for another space, but here I said “Hey, let them complain or what, it will be interesting how this plays out” The guys were friendly and polite when I got out of the car. I was okay, but it would even be cooler if they said something and I defended my ground. Truth is you have to be brave and have trust in yourself to make changes, but you mustn’t be crazy too. I am now on this island of calmness, but I cannot sit this out. I am going to attack again tomorrow. We all know what this means- doing things that are tough but right to do. When you win, you get a lot of willpower (i dont forget that my balance of activities must be right) Many folks are afraid of stepping up. I just hope we keep giving each other conviction.
  17. Get into a sport and keep “upgrading” yourself. -Improve diet, develop physical fitness; -Refine technique, agility and speed; -find a strong team, develop tactics and strategy. -Win a local tournament and have your whole town congratulate you, After that, do you think you will spend your precious time on a manipulative game ?
  18. I really value some of the insights here. There are two types of relapses and you keep highlighting this. The first type is still very attached to his former self and feels overly proud about not gaming. This is why when he relapses, there is the unhealthy reaction. He thinks he “lost” the streak and exaggerates the failure, but he cannot see the big picture. Because he feels defeatist, he goes on a gaming binge and feels much worse. “I might as well just game the entire weekend since I played one game” The second type knows the complexity of it. He starts attaching to new activities. He is estranging himself from the old habit. He is learning much faster. Just maybe there can be that negligible relapse after which he is happily disillusioned- he doesn’t want games anymore. He is still cautious and on the lookout. But no relapse will have this self-fulfilling acceptance of defeat.
  19. @Phoenixking Hold on there. Do you know the root cause? Can you remember the first time you opened a gameplay video? What happened prior to that? Take time to figure this out.
  20. @reza Mrb What strengthens mentality. From my experience: 1) No music, No cinema, No video games, No internet (except gamequitters). 2) Confronting people or difficult issues, expressing your feelings and thoughts (hard to do but pays off the most) 3) studying moments that cause you to go back to bad habits and pre-empting them (Jay, BooksandTrees, Cam Adair all shared perspectives on that). For example, if you have friends that pressure you to game or drink alcohol, find better friends. 4) Going to the doctor to solve health issues even if you are afraid. 5) Make a plan to change your routines if you fall ill or feel tired etc. Back up plans save you from going back to bad habits. 6) Reading good books!
  21. Reza Change is constant whether you like it or not. What Alexanderle is talking about is making little choices each day that move you in the right direction. Or you can make the little choices that will move you in the wrong direction. You are always changing slowly, but some major events in your life can make accelerated drastic changes of your character. That percentage of people that never look to improve their health, skills, knowledge end up nowhere. Interestingly, I agree that the mistakes that you’ve made are actually helping you. They are part of you in that you can see what is wrong and not repeat them (video games) and do the right thing.
  22. Dont stop moving Erik. Keep scoring little victories each day. Read Jay’s post on one year without gaming. It has a lot of practical information. The moment I stop doing the right things, my mind goes back to simulating game battles. So I have to teach myself to be open minded and disciplined.
  23. Habits gain a life of their own when they are ancillary to a breakthrough idea. Basically they become so essential to realize your life goal, that there is no doubt in you as to “what for?” When I had my first PC, it was in the age of 56 kilobyte internet. I once came to my friend’s house and was greeted by his Dad that had a childlike smile on his face. “I hacked the connection and got a free telephone line with Moscow’” He exclaimed. He handed me the handset to listen to the person on the other end in Russia. If you guys knew how much international calls cost in those years, this was a big deal. But If at that time somebody would have told me that international calls (including video calls) would become free in 10 years’ time I’d have difficulty believing that. Video calls were a privilege of journalists and government officials in those days. All I know is that in the 90s there happened this dotcom bubble. Investments into internet technology were pouring in from all sorts of entrepreneurs who held hopes they would pay off. Commercial Satellites were being launched into space, computer and telecommunications architecture being advanced, novel website features tested and implemented. Many businesses went bust, but the winners that stayed afloat were able to buy up the assets of bankrupt entreprises at knockdown prices. This is the thing, there had to be all these overenthusiastic risk takers for you to have this internet technology that beats wildest imaginations. When I was completing my dissertation thesis in 2011 I spotted a profitable business line in the legal profession. I took it to one law firm that was impressed with my idea. They did not want to take it though. I lacked in communication and presentation skills, but my idea still holds today. Reading Dirac’s posts I came onto something else too. You have to be in the know (at least in the legal profession) and have good connections for the business to work. Without the life energy, ability to convince others, can do attitude, discipline, crucial allies your great business plan wilk be hampered and fail. Networking or socializing is so important and underrated! You are meeting all those people with a chance that you will taste true life.
  24. Yesterday Went out with my son to the local playground but couldn’t relax because of strange tiredness. I think it comes from bad posture. As I got home, I committed to a really good gymnastics session followed by a boxing session at night. Woke up at 5am because my liver was aching slightly. I think I overloaded myself. Today Today I went to get a visitor’s pass for a new gym. The lady consulant made me self conscious and she noticed it. For some reason I couldn’t really catch that wave length when I’m cool and being myself. I guess as sellers they have to talk a lot, but I was turning my face away quite a lot and only catching a glimpse of her. the manager from the barber shop called saying she rejected my complaint. I disagreed but didn’t apply more pressure. I was unreasonably nervous but didn’t let her see it. Edit: I am grateful for my health and family that always supports me. I need to search for work and be more proactive in honing my skills and knowledge. I still daydream too much, could spend all this time on coursework, fitness and socializing
  25. I will give my insight on this. One area journaling really helps in is if you have a specific result-oriented goal to achieve. America's swimming champion Michael Phelps tracked his time in a journal and made it a principle to make improvements every consecutive training session no matter how small.
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