Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

NEW VIDEO: 22 minute gaming addiction documentary

Dear Diary...


BooksandTrees
 Share

Recommended Posts

Being alone sucks. I feel similarly. 

This just gave me a thought. Maybe at least I've been thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe I've been trying to get loved and be loved for so long, perhaps it's a fools errand. By trying to just be loved we turn ourselves into desperate..."monsters?" In a way, I almost feel like my thinking is perverse in the sense as it's all about me. 

In reality, we cannot control someone so they love us. That's their choice. We can only choose our love for others. Love of all kinds, not just romantic. This is akin to the stoicism "only worry about stuff you can control" tenet. Maybe it's easier to stop caring about oneself and just start caring more about others, and see what happens. Perhaps that draws more people in. I don't know...

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm struggling to fall asleep tonight. I keep thinking I will die right as I'm about to sleep. I'm exhausted. Just panic attacks keeping me awake. I'm trying to resist porn right now. It would help me stop panicking. 

My heart's racing. I'm so afraid of the universe. I want a hug so badly right now. I want to know I'm safe. I want someone to keep telling me they love me. 

My rib injury hurts my chest which makes me scared. It's illogical since my breathing is fine. I'm just having panic attacks. 

I hug my blanket so tight tonight and it doesn't hug me back. 

I just want love. My parents will never love me. Neither will my family. It's so heartbreaking. My dad only talks to me to talk about himself. My mom is lost and forever broken and it's all her fault. I think she's always been broken. So has my dad. Now so am I. They betrayed me. I've never had their love or my family's love. I was neglected and abused my whole life. 

I even had fake relationships on video games where the women were older and catfished me for their own selfish gain. I hope they suffer. 

Nobody has ever really loved me.

I hated my old roommate because his family loved him and he was always ignoring my issues with my loneliness because he didn't want to be a part of my pain. Like seeing a sick homeless person laying on a sidewalk and avoiding them.

I've been alone my whole life. The only thing I've ever dreamed of is having a woman and love. I dream every night that a woman's by my side on an adventure or that I'm doing something, but my motive is always for her. Whenever I turn to her in the dream I can't see her face. She's someone I don't know. As I gain emotions and realization of what I'm missing it's like my body is in shock and I can't move. 

My skin crawls with loneliness and it feels like I have restless leg syndrome teetering in my veins. Uncomfortable as I remain solemn. 

I have so much to give a woman. I don't think she'll ever see a love quite like mine. Sometimes I just don't think she'll ever see it because I don't know who she is. 

I don't want to relapse tonight. Porn won't solve this. Whoever does end up giving me a chance, loving me, and letting me love them will be forever rewarded. 

I'm tired of that phrase love yourself before seeking love from others. I've never been loved. I do love myself. Read my story in my introduction. I created a life for myself from nothing. I love myself more than anyone will know because if I didn't I wouldn't be here today. I've accomplished all but one goal and that's to pass this exam.  The only thing after that I want is love. That's why I don't care about these fucking hobbies. Hobbies won't give me love and satiate my lust.  Hobbies can always come and go. I want love for the first time in my 29 years. I will have it.

I will have it.

Edited by BooksandTrees
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, DaBest said:

Being alone sucks. I feel similarly. 

This just gave me a thought. Maybe at least I've been thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe I've been trying to get loved and be loved for so long, perhaps it's a fools errand. By trying to just be loved we turn ourselves into desperate..."monsters?" In a way, I almost feel like my thinking is perverse in the sense as it's all about me. 

In reality, we cannot control someone so they love us. That's their choice. We can only choose our love for others. Love of all kinds, not just romantic. This is akin to the stoicism "only worry about stuff you can control" tenet. Maybe it's easier to stop caring about oneself and just start caring more about others, and see what happens. Perhaps that draws more people in. I don't know...

I too think of this. My only red flag is how much I hate other people. They won't appreciate my care for them. I've seen my mom care for everyone else except herself and me. None care for her and she's lost herself and me in the process. I think it's finding those people who matter and then helping them and loving them because they genuinely love you back. 

We're not monsters. We're starving to death from a lack of food that's increasingly difficult to find in this fake world where women and men are encouraged to be fake through social media and other shit. 

I'm trying to have hope as I just posted a long post, and I hope you continue to have hope. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Love is strange, man. I used to think that some day I'd find a woman who just loved me for who I am and all that jazz but as I've gotten older I've started to see love for what it truly is. It's like an exchange. I have to have something to offer a woman... I used to think that was unfair but, realistically, I feel the same way. I'm not going to date or marry a woman who has absolutely nothing that I want. Right now I have nothing to offer at all... it sucks but it is what it is. I'm 38 and live with my mother, don't have a very good job, am recovering from alcoholism and game addiction, and although I'm in better shape than the average man my age I'm far from healthy. What woman in her right mind would want to be with me? Not one that I'd want to date, lol.

So that's what they mean by love yourself, I think. Make yourself into someone that other people can love. It sounds shitty and I'm not trying to be mean but nobody is going to love us just because we're nice guys with emotional wounds and compassion. 

The worst advice my mother ever gave me was "just be yourself".

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, ceponatia said:

Love is strange, man. I used to think that some day I'd find a woman who just loved me for who I am and all that jazz but as I've gotten older I've started to see love for what it truly is. It's like an exchange. I have to have something to offer a woman... I used to think that was unfair but, realistically, I feel the same way. I'm not going to date or marry a woman who has absolutely nothing that I want. Right now I have nothing to offer at all... it sucks but it is what it is. I'm 38 and live with my mother, don't have a very good job, am recovering from alcoholism and game addiction, and although I'm in better shape than the average man my age I'm far from healthy. What woman in her right mind would want to be with me? Not one that I'd want to date, lol.

So that's what they mean by love yourself, I think. Make yourself into someone that other people can love. It sounds shitty and I'm not trying to be mean but nobody is going to love us just because we're nice guys with emotional wounds and compassion. 

The worst advice my mother ever gave me was "just be yourself".

Thanks. I do have lots to offer and am a worthy candidate for a relationship. I just usually back off because I think she's going to make my life more difficult. Idk, something different about the ones I've met recently. I don't feel like they'd ruin my life. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Thanks. I do have lots to offer and am a worthy candidate for a relationship. I just usually back off because I think she's going to make my life more difficult. Idk, something different about the ones I've met recently. I don't feel like they'd ruin my life. 

I'm not so sure. I saw some real progress from you over the past few weeks but it looks like you've slipped a little bit. I used to think like this: that I'm the one who will treat a woman right. I'll do everything for her. She'll never want for anything again. She'll know so much love and affection that she'll feel sorry for all the women out there who have men who treat them like shit.

Wanna know who these types of people typically are?

Doormats.

They're the type of people who have no ambition and do nothing for themselves and treat their woman like a goddess. They are at their every beck and call. When she says jump, they say how high.

The novelty doesn't take long to wear off.

Where at first the woman appreciates all the attention, love, respect, etc., she quickly realizes she's getting it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe he's desperate, maybe he just jumps for the first woman who looks at him. This guy means well, but he doesn't realize his behaviour is self-sabotaging.

Yes, a woman wants to feel loved and appreciated. She also wants to feel special. She wants to be able to say "I'm so lucky! This guy is so busy doing all the incredible things he's doing with his life and STILL he chooses to spend some time with me as well!"

If everything you ever do in your life is for her, she'll either milk you for everything you're worth or leave you altogether because she feels you're not worth her time. She doesn't want nor need you to be there for her all the time.

It's not about being busy for the sake of being busy. It's about being busy because you have things in your life that you value. That are important to you and that you're working towards. Goals and ambitions are sexy, and high quality women are very much drawn to men with them because it shows her that the man also thinks very highly of himself and has a great deal of self-esteem and self-confidence.

You have a great deal of anger towards others that you need to resolve. Sooner or later that's going to come out with your girlfriend as well. It's going to happen for the most nonsensical reason and you're not going to understand why it came to it, but you're going to flip out on her for something silly and neither of you will understand what happened.

I also think you lack self-esteem. It isn't about what you've accomplished. Measuring your self-esteem based on your deeds is a very hollow endeavour. I can't say what contributes to a high self-esteem because quite frankly it even mystifies me. I just know that practising self-care leads to higher self-worth. Engaging in hobbies that leave you feeling a sense of accomplishment and feeling good about yourself for doing them is another way as well I think.

I think you've got a high level of self-awareness and that will help you. You understand what's going on within you and that will help you to identify areas that need to be worked on. I just think you'd do well to channel your energy into more positive attitudes and mindsets. Right now you're full of anger, hatred and bitterness towards seemingly everyone and everything. There isn't a self-respecting woman in the world who would ever be attracted to that once she learned about it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, seriousjay said:

I'm not so sure. I saw some real progress from you over the past few weeks but it looks like you've slipped a little bit. I used to think like this: that I'm the one who will treat a woman right. I'll do everything for her. She'll never want for anything again. She'll know so much love and affection that she'll feel sorry for all the women out there who have men who treat them like shit.

Wanna know who these types of people typically are?

Doormats.

They're the type of people who have no ambition and do nothing for themselves and treat their woman like a goddess. They are at their every beck and call. When she says jump, they say how high.

The novelty doesn't take long to wear off.

Where at first the woman appreciates all the attention, love, respect, etc., she quickly realizes she's getting it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe he's desperate, maybe he just jumps for the first woman who looks at him. This guy means well, but he doesn't realize his behaviour is self-sabotaging.

Yes, a woman wants to feel loved and appreciated. She also wants to feel special. She wants to be able to say "I'm so lucky! This guy is so busy doing all the incredible things he's doing with his life and STILL he chooses to spend some time with me as well!"

If everything you ever do in your life is for her, she'll either milk you for everything you're worth or leave you altogether because she feels you're not worth her time. She doesn't want nor need you to be there for her all the time.

It's not about being busy for the sake of being busy. It's about being busy because you have things in your life that you value. That are important to you and that you're working towards. Goals and ambitions are sexy, and high quality women are very much drawn to men with them because it shows her that the man also thinks very highly of himself and has a great deal of self-esteem and self-confidence.

You have a great deal of anger towards others that you need to resolve. Sooner or later that's going to come out with your girlfriend as well. It's going to happen for the most nonsensical reason and you're not going to understand why it came to it, but you're going to flip out on her for something silly and neither of you will understand what happened.

I also think you lack self-esteem. It isn't about what you've accomplished. Measuring your self-esteem based on your deeds is a very hollow endeavour. I can't say what contributes to a high self-esteem because quite frankly it even mystifies me. I just know that practising self-care leads to higher self-worth. Engaging in hobbies that leave you feeling a sense of accomplishment and feeling good about yourself for doing them is another way as well I think.

I think you've got a high level of self-awareness and that will help you. You understand what's going on within you and that will help you to identify areas that need to be worked on. I just think you'd do well to channel your energy into more positive attitudes and mindsets. Right now you're full of anger, hatred and bitterness towards seemingly everyone and everything. There isn't a self-respecting woman in the world who would ever be attracted to that once she learned about it.

I do agree with a lot of this. I just don't think I mentioned that I'd want to do everything with her and shower her with love all the time from the first paragraph, but I do agree with you. I have a difficult time being positive. Unfortunately, this is happening when I start watching porn again. Porn has me regressing and sitting in my own self pity and anger. When I wasn't watching it (2-3 weeks ago when everyone said I'm making progress) it was pretty easy to see my difference in personality. 

Just watching it once sets me off on this terrible chain reaction and I spiral into a pit of anger and hatred. It just comes from myself. I am 2 days off of it now and I really want to stick with it this time. I'm trying to develop a more positive feeling about life with having a better lifestyle. 

I'm just being impatient and allowing my studying to stress me out on top of it all. I should be eager to study so I can pass this test to get my raise and be able to afford a home. Stuff like that. I don't look forward to life after work ends at 5 PM but if I did look forward to something then maybe I'd feel better over time.

I'm experimenting. Thanks for the advice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Thank you. I was depressed a long time before the injury, but I'm looking to just improve my outlook on activities and lifestyle choices and see if this makes a difference.

Definitely good ideas you have there. If you aren’t already you could try writing ten things you’re grateful for each day. That might improve your outlook too. It’s from respawn

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

Definitely good ideas you have there. If you aren’t already you could try writing ten things you’re grateful for each day. That might improve your outlook too. It’s from respawn

I have been trying to say what I'm grateful for, but I don't really make the effort or time to really stick with it. I usually just say thanks to God at night and that's really it. I'm not religious so I'm not gonna talk any bible stuff. I just have my own relationship with him and try to live a better life.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I have been trying to say what I'm grateful for, but I don't really make the effort or time to really stick with it. I usually just say thanks to God at night and that's really it. I'm not religious so I'm not gonna talk any bible stuff. I just have my own relationship with him and try to live a better life.

Alright any gratitude practice will help I’m sure. We all have our unique relationships with faith and Some of us with god. Not everyone goes to church to practice

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I do agree with a lot of this. I just don't think I mentioned that I'd want to do everything with her and shower her with love all the time from the first paragraph, but I do agree with you. I have a difficult time being positive. Unfortunately, this is happening when I start watching porn again. Porn has me regressing and sitting in my own self pity and anger. When I wasn't watching it (2-3 weeks ago when everyone said I'm making progress) it was pretty easy to see my difference in personality. 

Just watching it once sets me off on this terrible chain reaction and I spiral into a pit of anger and hatred. It just comes from myself. I am 2 days off of it now and I really want to stick with it this time. I'm trying to develop a more positive feeling about life with having a better lifestyle. 

I'm just being impatient and allowing my studying to stress me out on top of it all. I should be eager to study so I can pass this test to get my raise and be able to afford a home. Stuff like that. I don't look forward to life after work ends at 5 PM but if I did look forward to something then maybe I'd feel better over time.

I'm experimenting. Thanks for the advice.

Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.

Regressing back to porn isn't a problem if you find a way to bounce back. Every time we fall is a learning opportunity and a chance to become more resilient for when things get hard once again. And they will.

One bit of advice: don't feel like you "should" feel like anything. Studying is boring. Nobody wants to study. It's OK to feel that way. You'll do it anyway because passing the exam is important to you, but it's OK to not enjoy the process of getting there.

Attaching an expectation of how something should feel or how excited we should be is the very thing that causes us stress. We don't have the experience we think we should have and we get upset over that.

I think you've got this. Keep up the fight!

Edited by seriousjay
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, seriousjay said:

One bit of advice: don't feel like you "should" feel like anything. Studying is boring. Nobody wants to study. It's OK to feel that way. You'll do it anyway because passing the exam is important to you, but it's OK to not enjoy the process of getting there.

Attaching an expectation of how something should feel or how excited we should be is the very thing that causes us stress. We don't have the experience we think we should have and we get upset over that.

I think you've got this. Keep up the fight!

I really agree with this and it's something I never follow or adhere to my life. I put so much pressure on expectations and never seem to live up to them. Tasks and events never live up to them. I think it's a good idea for me to maybe just do things because I want them done and not associate emotions with them. 

I want to pass the test so I can further my career. I shouldn't have to love studying or feel a life purpose from it. It's an emotionless thing. I study well, understand the concepts, I pass the test. The reward comes for the rest of my life as I've opened myself up to being licensed and can practice at a higher level with higher pay and more unique projects. That's the emotional reward. It's not logical to attach emotion to a process like this.

I think the same can be said about my hobbies. I'm trying to enjoy the learning part of my 3d modeling and it's not fun to learn all of the time. I was watching a video where the instructor says 25% of a beginner's time should be tutorials and 75% should be practicing fun stuff with that knowledge until they're ready to do their own projects. Then it's 90-95% fun and 5-10% learning for specific things. I agree with him. That's how I do my habits at work and I'm very good at work now.

I should just do things and stop attaching emotions and what-if situations. That's why I never attempt half of the projects I brainstorm. I get too emotionally invested and convolute my process.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today I've really wanted to watch porn. My strength is coming back and I'm less depressed. The stop sign on my phone has reminded me that I don't want to relapse. 

I'm visiting the doctor tomorrow for my ribs. Interested in that. 

I finished my book trilogy. I enjoyed this series more than any book or book series I've ever read. It was perfect. It's so relatable and brought me a happiness I can't describe. I wrote a 15 paragraph review of it after because I was so appreciative of it. 

I've been very tired lately. Facing extreme exhaustion each day. I don't think I'm getting much sleep with the rib injury. I can't sleep except in one position. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Poor sleep again. I'm waking up extremely aroused and feeling like I need sex or release, but I'm trying to change it. It lasts for hours. I don't understand why. In the past when I've been at 2 weeks without masturbation I didn't experience this. I'd relapse from stress. I'm just VERY aroused and nothing is triggering me. It's just sleeping. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Poor sleep again. I'm waking up extremely aroused and feeling like I need sex or release, but I'm trying to change it. It lasts for hours. I don't understand why. In the past when I've been at 2 weeks without masturbation I didn't experience this. I'd relapse from stress. I'm just VERY aroused and nothing is triggering me. It's just sleeping. 

It's normal to wake up aroused from dreaming.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know if I'm depressed or just getting old, but I never get aroused anymore. Haha. A bit depressing, really. I still am attracted to women and would eventually like to get married but I haven't "fallen in love" with a woman like I used to in years.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Poor sleep again. I'm waking up extremely aroused and feeling like I need sex or release, but I'm trying to change it. It lasts for hours. I don't understand why. In the past when I've been at 2 weeks without masturbation I didn't experience this. I'd relapse from stress. I'm just VERY aroused and nothing is triggering me. It's just sleeping. 

Sorry you're waking up aroused like that, I hope it gets better. You could try getting up and doing something outside of your room until you calm down. That's what they said to do when you feel wide awake at night trying to sleep.

Edited by Erik2.0
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, ceponatia said:

I don't know if I'm depressed or just getting old, but I never get aroused anymore. Haha. A bit depressing, really. I still am attracted to women and would eventually like to get married but I haven't "fallen in love" with a woman like I used to in years.

I think it just happens by right place, right time, and right mindset. I feel a lot better finally after 4 days without porn. I almost relapsed last night but left my room to walk around @Erik2.0.

I talked to that woman today and I have plans with her this weekend that I'm looking forward to. 

Do you see a therapist at all?

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a much better day today than any day in the past week or two. I rested more after waking up early and went to work in a good mood. I got a lot accomplished on my projects and am very close to completing some tasks. I finished a few submissions as well that needed some time to complete.

I visited my doctor today and he said my ribs were ok and I just needed 1-2 weeks to heal and I'd be in good shape again to climb and do yoga. 

I spoke with my friends at work and also talked to that girl I like for quite some time. It made me very happy. We're hanging out this weekend but not as a date obviously. I just want to spend more time with her and get to know her and build a friendship at least. I won't talk much more about it because it's not worth getting infatuated or anything. I'm just appreciating that I am happy in this moment and also not being a cuck or a simp. I'm in control and it feels good.

I have been recording my calories on MyFitnessPal recently and noticed what I snack on and have been finding healthier alternatives. One of my favorite comfort foods is chocolate chip pancakes. They're incredibly bad for you and some weeks I'd have them for 2 meals. So I found this company called "Kodiak Cakes" which has 14 grams of protein and 8 grams of sugar. It's important to have more protein and sugar. Also, we're only supposed to eat 28g of added sugar per day so the regular chocolate chip pancakes is in the 50g region or more. This one still allows me some sugar during the day if I even need it.

I also meal prepped tonight and am not suffering from my exhaustion that I have normally been doing. I'm also going to do some laundry.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I think it just happens by right place, right time, and right mindset. I feel a lot better finally after 4 days without porn. I almost relapsed last night but left my room to walk around @Erik2.0.

I talked to that woman today and I have plans with her this weekend that I'm looking forward to. 

Do you see a therapist at all?

I've been seeing a therapist for about a year and a half as part of my rehab aftercare. First I did group sessions for a year which I kind of miss because there were always new people to meet (which is kind of a bad thing because it means everybody was relapsing and leaving lol). I've definitely noticed an improvement over the last year though. The fact that I can even worry about relationships instead of all the other stuff that was making me miserable is a huge change.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I've been seeing a therapist for about a year and a half as part of my rehab aftercare. First I did group sessions for a year which I kind of miss because there were always new people to meet (which is kind of a bad thing because it means everybody was relapsing and leaving lol). I've definitely noticed an improvement over the last year though. The fact that I can even worry about relationships instead of all the other stuff that was making me miserable is a huge change.

That's awesome. Therapy is really helpful and I'm glad you're noticing improvement. Therapy really helped me out so far on my journey.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/20/2020 at 7:10 PM, BooksandTrees said:

I think it just happens by right place, right time, and right mindset. I feel a lot better finally after 4 days without porn. I almost relapsed last night but left my room to walk around @Erik2.0.

I talked to that woman today and I have plans with her this weekend that I'm looking forward to. 

Do you see a therapist at all?

Yes I'm seeing a therapist individually starting on March 11th. I'm also doing group therapy 1-2x a week. I'm happy for you making friends and spending time with the girl you think is good for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's so odd that I still have energy at 10 pm on a Friday. I want to watch porn because it's so convenient and I'd love to feel that release of pressure. 

But on a deeper perspective, do I want release?

Think about it. I feel full of life and energy. I'm not used to it. Masturbation when I'm not horny or anything would just be bad. My body needs this energy. I feel so much happier with this energy. 

My therapist said depression is convenient and familiar. 

Why not broaden my horizon? Why not expand my perception of life and stop living in this fearful, hateful place? 

I'm going to try to stay strong this time. I need to keep reminding myself that yes, porn would make me happy right now, but it would hurt over time and I'm feeling something right now that I never feel. Happiness, energy, warmth, and focus. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Today I'm 70 weeks free from gaming. I'm also going on 6 days without porn. This is the first time I've really appreciated how I feel without porn though. I kind of compare this to how I was only playing video games on weekends and wouldn't play Monday-Thursday. I'd binge on the weekends and feel sick during the week. I'd recognize how I would feel better around Wednesday and then end strong only to game 16 hours a day for 3 days straight.

I do the same with with porn in a strange way. I don't think it's possible to watch porn for 16 hours straight. I don't do that. I'd probably watch 3-5 times per day for 10-20 minutes each time. But the effects are the same if not worse. Since quitting games I've been watching porn 3-5 times a day on weekends instead of 1 like in years past. That has got to change. 

What I have been doing is going through the week without watching porn and then binging on the weekends. I take that energy for granted and just go back into a spiral.

I've realized that I can get a dopamine rush to do something, anything at all, and associate it with the need to watch porn because it's the only thing my mind knows that will give me the reward for a dopamine rush. So what I'm doing now is closing my eyes when I feel that rush in my head and channel the energy down my spine and let me warm my body for a brief instance. I'm not meditating. I do this instantaneously anywhere in life. I do this to redirect the energy I'm developing from my mind to my body and not going to watch porn.

I used to do this when I was younger and I'd go to play with my friends or build legos or anything else. I believe I've trained my body to just watch porn and formerly play games when I got excited. I've weened off of gaming and I think it's important to do the same with porn. If I can redirect my dopamine bursts towards other things in life I'll have learned to properly rewire my brain and crave porn less over time.

My rib injury is healing. It only really hurts when I wake up in the mornings. I'm studying for 1-5 hours today and will continue to do chores that I normally haven't done in the past month like laundry and cooking other foods to eat. It took me 4 days to get some energy back. I was in a very dark place last weekend and I finally got out. 

I'm re-reading my diary entries when I want to watch porn and just building new habits to get me against porn. I was still cherishing the porn I was watching. I think you have to destroy the love you have for bad habits even when you know they're not good for you. Just like any relationship. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share