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ceponatia

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About ceponatia

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  1. I set up next quarter's planner yesterday and thought hard about my annual and quarterly goals for once. I'd been doing that to some degree but not correctly. The purpose of writing those goals is so that I can break them down into weekly goals and make progress on them but I'd just been leaving them to do some day. Now I've identified 6 goals for the year and several can be done this quarter. Graduating is one of the long-term ones and an important one as the date of my graduation depends on how hard I'm willing to work. I can graduate almost a year early if I bust out some extra classes whic
  2. I've hit the lowest weight I can get to with my current food habits at 165, which would be my ideal weight if any of it was muscle but it isn't. Since writing my last post I've made more of an effort to eat better: making sure to eat 3 meals a day (although they're still quite small), setting up a meal plan, and prepping meals. I haven't made it all the way through to prepping meals yet but I will this week. I make a little progress every week until I finally get it down, I've noticed. What you noticed about people's output is spot on, I think. I've noticed this as well. It was the reason
  3. Hey, I've been meaning to share this with all of you for a while. I know several of you are interested in things in the same vein as I, psychology and whatnot. I'm linking a playlist of videos by John Vervaeke who teaches cognitive neuroscience and is a colleague of Jordan Peterson's at U of Toronto. Although he disagrees with Peterson on a few particulars such as Peterson's tendency toward Christian mythology, overall their work is quite similar. In this series, Vervaeke breaks down the entire history of philosophy and psychology to describe "The Meaning Crisis" as the singular thing that is
  4. That's awesome, I drink seltzer water a lot as well. When I was trying to quit drinking I started trying it and it's stayed as something I just enjoy. Breakfast is tough for me because I still take Adderall and forcing myself to eat makes me nauseous even though my body is starving. I don't think I'll continue taking it once school is done. I'm a little worried about gaining a lot of weight back if I stop but realistically I probably won't because I ate pretty bad food for all of 2020 and actually lost weight. I was losing weight even before I started Adderall just from no longer drinking all
  5. Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad I'm back as well. You're right, relapse is just a part of recovery. I have quite a few addictions I'm trying to tackle right now besides gaming. Drinking too much soda is the other big one. Then there's only eating fast food for the last year. I don't know how I have extra money these days with how much I order delivery but I suppose not being able to go shopping for toys has helped mediate that. If I could stick to a meal plan and stop drinking soda I'd probably become a millionaire very quickly (not really) 😉 This is day 2 of being out of my SSRI-
  6. Wow. I came to last week and realized I'd been living in a dream for several months. My psychiatrist recommended an SSRI to help me feel more energetic back in the beginning of 2020 (wow has it really been that long) and the addict in me wants a quick fix for everything so I accepted even though I have known for years, through many trials, that SSRIs make me completely unambitious and lazy. It's a strange sort of complacency. I didn't feel more energetic at all, I simply didn't care that I was tired. I disappeared a couple months ago from this forum mainly because all I was doing was working,
  7. I think I'm having my mid-life crisis, lol. It just really hit me the other day that I'm almost 40 and I'm so far behind all of the people my age that I look up to. I know people say not to think like that but it is true. I used to laugh at the people who lived with their mothers at my age when I was a kid. I suppose the only saving grace is that I'm living here to finish college while working full time and saving money to buy a house rather than because I'm one of those cringey incels who still get an allowance. Dating life is rough because of the situation I'm in, naturally. What woman
  8. "Always tell the truth, or at least don't lie." I've been revisiting this one a lot over the past couple of days. Trying to really figure out what not lying would mean in my own life. I don't outright lie... at least not nearly as much as I did when I was a drunk. I do still occasionally say things when I don't know if they're true. That's going to be my focus for the time being. I haven't been present on much social media which includes this forum and my blog. I'm rather against airing dirty laundry in public these days. It seems to be too close to virtue signaling to me in that when peo
  9. I'm late to this, but congratulations on your year!
  10. I'm re-reading 12 Rules for Life. Well, I didn't finish it the first time so I'm re-reading the beginning of 12 Rules for Life and then finishing it. I think I got through 5 rules on my first go before I got burned out on reading. I highlighted and made notes on my first pass so it's interesting to reflect on them several months later. It's also interesting to see other poignant things that I didn't highlight, partially out of fear of just highlighting the entire damn book, and partially because I didn't notice them. I think we tend to skip over a lot of what's written in books and our eyes fo
  11. Great point. Following every impulse isn't really freedom, it's being a slave to your impulses.
  12. I won't focus too much on "If I would relapse even one more time, I'll let it go and would never attempt quitting ever again in my life. I'm sick of it." because I said that so many times in my own addiction(s) and it's simply not true. It might be how we feel in the moment but there's never a last time for these things until we're successful. I understand the despair and feeling of hopelessness you must have for failing to quit but keep in mind that being conscious of your problem really is most of the solution. Even if it doesn't feel like you're making progress, you do every day. Every time
  13. When I get a song stuck in my head I just listen to it again and it goes away for some reason. I don't know if this would work for you.
  14. I don't check in to the site regularly anymore so I had to read all your entries in one go and there's certainly many, many similarities between you and I which is pretty common here. When you strip away all of the individual flavor in people's lives, addiction is addiction. It's great that you're setting goals for yourself and that you're reflecting on what led you here. What you said about dishonesty particularly stood out because, to me, that's one of the hallmark traits of an addict. It doesn't matter what you're addicted to, if you're an addict you're a liar. That's probably one of the ma
  15. I used to be very much the same way. I'm still the same way but not "very much", haha. I recognized that a lot of it had to do with how I was raised to be such a "mama's boy" because I had a weak father and an overbearing, narcissistic mother who made me rely on her for everything. Living with her while going through sobriety really helped to change my whole outlook on her and on women because I became super aware of how stupid and unnecessary everything she said to me was. I'm sure most of us have someone like this in our lives even if it isn't a parent... someone who is always giving advice