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Everything posted by seriousjay

  1. Bottom line is, you can't change anyone. Ever. Period. Stop trying to. If your husband doesn't want to change, he won't. He has proven this time and time again. In a way, he's right that you are trying to control him and you need to stop. Do not participate in his gaming anymore. Do not talk to him about gaming anymore. If he brings up gaming, tell him to stop talking about it. If he won't, leave the room. And make it clear that if he wants to continue gaming as well as keep the relationship, then he needs to work on healthy boundaries with the games. Then, leave him alone. Let him s
  2. Well it's been about a year since I posted here. This is going to act as a farewell post of sorts since I'm pretty confident about where I'm at right now and can take it from here. I have since become engaged to the woman I met on Match about a year and a half ago and things are going quite well. The honeymoon phase is definitely over but we've settled into a new normal for us that I'm sure is going to work very well. There are still some adjustments and compromises to be made because we are both individuals who really value our independence and still have this feeling that parts of this
  3. Hey dude, thanks for posting. I actually ran into a major relapse back into gaming and youtube. Got a lot of stress going on in my life right now but slowly I'm working back towards a healthy place. I've come to the realization that in order to really get over this hump I'm going to need sustained abstinence from everything game related for years most likely. That seems to be the only way the life I want to live will become the "new normal" for me. How are you doing?
  4. Re. the food: I've discovered I'm an emotional eater. Being full or knowing the consequences of my poor eating aren't helping to stop my consumption of junk food. I just have to find a better way to handle stress. I'm sure a significant part of it is also habitual as well. As far as the gaming content, it goes hand in hand with finding a better way to handle stress. I can't really do much about the added responsibilities, so I just have to find a better way to manage my responses. I'll be working with my online counsellor on solutions for this.
  5. Haven't posted here in forever but I figured I'd share where I'm at. Things with my girlfriend are going amazing. Don't have much to say about that. Food has increasingly become a problem and with that so has consuming video game related content on Youtube. I think a lot of it has to do with stress from added responsibilities in my life and still not having great ways to cope with it. The writing and violin isn't helping much and I actually haven't done those activities in quite some time. Maybe I haven't given them enough of a chance to act as stress relief, I don't know. I've also
  6. It comes and goes my friend. You're not going to fall head over heels every time you think of the person you love. Some days you're going to think she's the greatest creation this planet has ever seen, other days she's just going to seem like any other human. I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it's been this way for an extended period of time.
  7. The 90 days is just a goal to work towards. The whole point of removing video games from your life for 90 days is to give you enough time to replace video gaming with other activities that fulfill the same needs. Maybe part of the issue is that people who get addicted to video games generally have significant underlying mental health issues that need to be addressed first and foremost. This is why so many people try and fail I think. Video games are like a drug to many of us. We can abstain for a while but eventually we need the high again and it's only through very concerted effort and s
  8. Alright, well obviously I don't want to discuss anything you're not comfortable talking about. 🙂 What do you feel we can do to help you at this time? Do you have any specific questions?
  9. Don't discredit even seemingly minor events that happen in our lives. If someone prods you with a spoon 1000 times you're probably going to be pretty upset after a while, but each individual poke won't do a whole lot. You say you felt lonely in your marriage. Would you say over that 10 years that there was a significant amount of neglect on your partner's part? Did you ever try to reconcile the issues with your partner, or were you just taking it and accepting their position, even if you didn't agree? I might be wrong but I wouldn't be surprised if your marriage is the reason you turned to vid
  10. Hi Laura, welcome to the forums. It's entirely possible that your addiction is because of an underlying mental health issue. I wouldn't rule it out and if you can make it work I would strongly advise you to speak to a professional about it. At the very least your family doctor. It might be an issue that you've been carrying "under the hood" your entire life and that specific video game you mentioned may have dragged it out of you. At the very least, there are some questions that would be worth exploring, such as if you've experienced any serious trauma in your life (mental or physica
  11. @Zipperhead sorry to hear about your relapse. I wish you well in getting back to where you want to be. My first instinct is to question your relationship with your wife. I can understand her being disappointed that you relapsed but her reaction according to you seems extremely excessive. Why would there be such a huge trust issue because you relapsed? Why would she threaten to leave you because you've shown that you're still human? It sounds to me like your relationship has deeper issues than just broken trust over a relapse in gaming, and I would strongly advise you to talk to her about
  12. It's normal to wake up aroused from dreaming.
  13. Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. Regressing back to porn isn't a problem if you find a way to bounce back. Every time we fall is a learning opportunity and a chance to become more resilient for when things get hard once again. And they will. One bit of advice: don't feel like you "should" feel like anything. Studying is boring. Nobody wants to study. It's OK to feel that way. You'll do it anyway because passing the exam is important to you, but it's OK to not enjoy the process of getting there. Attaching an expectation of how something should feel or
  14. I'm not so sure. I saw some real progress from you over the past few weeks but it looks like you've slipped a little bit. I used to think like this: that I'm the one who will treat a woman right. I'll do everything for her. She'll never want for anything again. She'll know so much love and affection that she'll feel sorry for all the women out there who have men who treat them like shit. Wanna know who these types of people typically are? Doormats. They're the type of people who have no ambition and do nothing for themselves and treat their woman like a goddess. They are at thei
  15. Sex sells. That's been true for centuries. It's no less addicting than gaming, fast food, etc. It's an urge that most of us have and for many there is a constant need for it. It's just that society worships that addiction.
  16. I think specifically with gaming, it requires one to become completely emotionally detached from gaming altogether. The thing is though if you get to that point, chances are you just won't find any point in gaming at all. You just won't have any desire to do it. That's kind of where I'm at. I'm pretty sure I could game in moderation but I couldn't care any less to.
  17. Some people do just forget things, not necessarily out of malice. She might have just gotten really busy. There's a whole host of reasons why she may not have called you. Does this happen frequently? Would you otherwise consider yourselves good friends? I wouldn't think too much of it. Just send her a hey, how you doing text and see where it goes. But if you ever get to a point where you feel you're putting in a lot more than her, it's OK to take a step back as well. Just don't do it as a "test" or to see how good of a friend she is... that never, ever ends well.
  18. Some pretty cool posts in here. Let's keep them rolling! Celebrating all the small wins is just as important as the big wins.
  19. Well for me it's my first relationship! 🙂 Yay!
  20. It's definitely inappropriate for parents to discuss their personal problems with their children. Good job for setting that boundary.
  21. Hey, your shift in attitude has become very noticeable lately. I think that's a very positive step. Keep up the good work, I think you're doing great!
  22. You did the right thing. She definitely didn't see you as a priority and you deserve much better than that. Not saying she should have dropped everything to see you but to wait that long between messages when you're trying to organize a date is pretty telling of her interest level. Just remember that has nothing to do with you. 🙂
  23. Good luck with the weekend! But remember if it doesn't go as planned don't be too hard on yourself. Change is hard.