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seriousjay

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Everything posted by seriousjay

  1. To be honest I don't think it's THAT hard to make friends as an adult. Meetup is a great tool to do that. About 1.25 years ago I had zero social life and now it's the complete opposite. It just depends on how important it is to you and how much effort you're willing to put in to make it happen.
  2. As long as they understand that there are now boundaries with respect to the things you're willing to talk to them about, it should be fine. If they refuse to get off the video game topics, or actively attempt to dissuade you from quitting them, you should probably cut ties.
  3. It's really early to make any judgments about it but so far I'm taking quite well to the violin. I'm finding myself more motivated to learn it than the wind instruments. I'm sure at least part of that is due to all the personal growth I've done since then (particularly a stronger work ethic) but I'm also finding myself really falling in love with the sound it can make, the way it feels in my hands, etc. Additionally, and it's not quite manifesting itself physically just yet but I feel so damn close to everything coming together for me. I'm more certain than ever, and perhaps as I'll ever be, that the creative road is my path to follow. The two outlets I've chosen-music and writing-feel as right as anything has ever felt in my life. My physical fitness is very much on track. All that's really left is really developing my writing and music habits and tightening up my nutrition.
  4. Hi there @Tbunge how's it going? Are you still on track with quitting WoW?
  5. So today I signed up for violin lessons. They start this Tuesday. Yay! I'm also getting a lot more consistent with my writing habit. Overall things are going super well!
  6. I started using some affirmations to reinforce my self-value and self-worth independently from my relationship status. I've never found affirmations useful before but this seems to be working a bit. I'm also being very deliberate about allowing any thoughts regarding my relationship status or fantasies about future relationships to simply play out. I find that if I accept the thoughts freely and recognize that they are not true if I don't want them to be, they almost instantly go away since they no longer have any power over me. Terraria 1.4 is coming out soon and I was thinking of allowing myself a couple hours a week on a specific day (Saturday or Sunday) to play it. I think I'm at a healthy enough point where I can reward myself with that without it getting out of hand. I don't really have anything else that I do for no reason other than pure enjoyment so that's one option. I was also thinking of allowing myself the same thing with Netflix instead. Either way, it would just be a couple hours a week of downtime to balance out all the worky kinda stuff I do the rest of the week.
  7. I think it's positive that you're open and honest about these things. It sounds to me though like you're just burning out. I would try taking a day or two off with zero pressure or expectations to get anything done. Just do whatever makes you feel good and see if that helps! 🙂
  8. So the girl told me that I'm too young for her. This must be something similar to what heartbreak feels like. I wouldn't say I was especially attached to her but I really thought we had a great connection. Oh well, all I can do is focus on the positives from this experience and push on. 🙂
  9. So my date last night went exceptionally well I feel. I'm looking forward to seeing where things go from here!
  10. Whelp, got a date tomorrow evening. Excited to see how it goes!
  11. I've bolded the parts where you talk about anger. If you re-read what you said it shouldn't surprise you that he felt you were accusing him of having anger issues. The bolded parts above are things you described about yourself that are typically associated with anger. This is what @CornishGameHen was responding to, and it seems to be the emotion that you feel is most closely associated to your gaming. I'm not pointing any of this out to make anyone feel bad. Only showing that sometimes we need others to help us identify issues we have that we don't even realize we have. This happened to me when I started reading about the INFP stress response. It wasn't until then that I realized I was chronically stressed out, and can now take steps to deal with it. Now, I'm not saying whether or not you have an anger issue. That's up to you to decide. I would, however, encourage you to try to keep an open mind when people post something. Everyone here is coming from the same place and we are all trying to help each other out. I used to get REALLY defensive (and sometimes still do!) when people began to point things out about me that aren't necessarily a positive thing. However, the things that we get hyper defensive about are usually the things that we need to work on the most. It's really up to you to reflect on what was said and how you feel, and then decide if the thing really is something that you need to do something about. To respond directly to your query, I used to get really angry and selfish when playing video games. There were two occasions specifically while playing WoW that forced me to take a long look at myself and make some changes. Yes, WoW actually encouraged some personal development for me... lol. During a dungeon run I was leading my group around trying to complete my quests and being really obnoxious about it. My guild mates were PM'ing our guild leader and he gave me some lessons about how to handle people. The second time, I was being a real jerk during dungeon runs with my guildmates, telling them how much they suck, etc. (yeah... sometimes I was that blunt) until they finally decided they had enough of me. I wasn't kicked out of the guild but if I wanted to earn their respect I had to become a more compassionate person, and I did. Otherwise, I did a lot of throwing objects around, slamming controllers on the ground, etc. and my brother and I got into a few fights as well. It spilled over into my real life as well. For a long time I was extremely short tempered and very stubborn. To be honest looking back I'm not even sure when all that changed... lol. I just over time calmed down a bit and here I am today.
  12. Hey James, how's it going? 🙂
  13. NaNoWriMo has arrived woohoo! I wrote a modest 275 words last night but they might have been the best words I've ever put together so far. My writing has definitely gotten better, and quickly. 😄
  14. So last night, after reading another article about what you're "supposed to do" when taking pictures for online dating I finally had enough and deleted everything except Match. That one is probably going to end up in the garbage can as well. I KNOW I'm an awesome guy. However, if the world of online dating is such that being your awesome self isn't good enough then it doesn't deserve my presence. Ultimately what I'm looking for is to start a family one day. If I can't find someone who can look past all the superficial garbage and try to create a real connection based on something meaningful then I'm just going to adopt a kid and be content with that. Adoption has been something I've thought about from time to time anyways. Obviously this doesn't absolve me of the responsibility I have to continue with self-improvement and making myself the most desirable human I can possibly be. However, from now on I'm going to be doing all that for the person that matters the most to me in this world-myself. If that isn't good enough for anyone, then so be it. Also, my sentences are way too long!
  15. Bleh. Today was a bit of a rough day and now I can't sleep because my mind has decided to latch on to and ruminate about my relationship status. The more I go on, the more I realize I really need to bite the damn bullet and start cold approaching women. I don't know why it's so hard for me. 😞
  16. For me your mindset is a direct reflection of how you think about yourself. There are some easy ways to improve that: practice personal hygiene, wear nice clothes, walk around with a smile on your face, hang out with other positive people, listen to positive music... Other things you can do that will help you if you consistently practice them: meditation, gratitude, self-love, self-compassion (reframing negative thoughts, ie. "I suck at x" turns into "One day I'll become really good at x") One important thing to remember is that if you're not that positive right now, it's not likely to change overnight. It's something you've really gotta work hard at to see results. However in my opinion everything begins with your mindset so it's extremely important to cultivate as much positivity as you can. Best of luck!
  17. Tonight for probably the first time I went with what my feelings were telling me and did not get a bunch of junk food. I've got to remember to trust my feelings going forward-they already intuitively know what's best for me I think.
  18. There are so many soft skills you pick up during your school years, elementary and high school especially that you don't even realize until you're much older. A LOT of your social development happens during that time-literally years of social interactions every single day. While we can't go back and replay those years, we do have an advantage as adults that we didn't as kids-awareness and maturity and I've found those two things helped my social growth go pretty quickly. Especially since that improvement was done with great intention and purpose. Welcome to the forums Rojo!
  19. A perfect segue into my post... I seem to have gotten back on track over the last few days with respect to my habits and I have no idea why. I go back to my axiom of if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward and wonder if it applies here. I definitely experienced some personal development stagnation, writing goals stagnation, etc. during the last month and I found it really easy to go back to eating fast food and watching gaming videos. It wasn't that I was having trouble resisting it-I didn't even WANT to resist it. The insights I've gleaned through my MBTI assessments have been a big deal for me. I've recognized why certain patterns played out in my past and why certain things are happening now. I think that's given me the motivation to get back to my goals and habits. So it would appear that consistently moving forward (the idea of momentum) is especially important for me to stay on track. Ah, such are the mysteries of life. Unlike video games, there is usually nothing binary about life's challenges, which can be quite frustrating but very exciting and stimulating at the same time!
  20. I need to find a way to better manage days when I feel really down and don't want to do anything at all. I stayed with it for a while and eventually I became motivated again. Probably in no small part thanks to the coffee I drank, haha. Anyways I'm glad last week is over. My brother is back from his vacation and I can get back to a more normal routine now.
  21. It's the best way to start at least. Speaking of which, I haven't completed mine yet!
  22. Success is when preparation meets opportunity. It's definitely natural to feel less confident about things if you're not prepared, ie. showering, deodorant, etc. I think morning routines, even if it's something as basic as get up, shower, breakfast, meditate, gratitude (mine) are critical to prepare you for the day ahead. Just keep in mind a radical change in the way you do things isn't going to become a routine immediately. You're going to have to intentionally work at it before it becomes a habit, and some things, no matter how hard you try (like me getting up at 5 AM!) simply don't end up working out, and I think that's perfectly fine too! Eventually you will figure out what works for you. 🙂 Cheers!
  23. I did a few different versions of the MBTI test. I think I got ISFJ once, INFJ once and INFP three times. I definitely identify the most with INFP. Because humans are complex creatures that cannot be put into generic boxes, there are some aspects of it that I don't agree with. Like I mentioned though, I think this is best used as another tool to try to understand myself as opposed to being something I live by. For example, it helped me realize my chronic stress... lol.
  24. So yesterday I came to realize that I'm chronically stressed and didn't even realize it. Just reading more about my personality type, the signs that an INFP is stressed are snapping at people, being overly harsh and critical, etc., which I find happens at least a few days out of the week. I don't know if it's because I am incompatible with my job (too much activation of the logic and reasoning function which I generally struggle with anyways) or if it's the job itself, but it's something to be mindful of going forward and finding a way to manage. I also think I might be taking the MBTI stuff a little too seriously as well, which often happens when I come across these "epiphany" type discoveries. It's a great tool for putting my life into perspective (honestly... a LOT of things make sense in the context of the INFP personality type for me), but to treat it as the be all end all of my life doesn't seem healthy. I'll take what useful things I can from it and continue working on myself in other ways as well. Either way, it's really funny. Until yesterday, I thought I actually did a really great job of managing stress and not letting things bother me, etc. Which I still think I do, but clearly there's room for improvement as well!
  25. I find that framing things in a compassionate way is the best approach to success later on. Also not beating yourself up over things you didn't get done!
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