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TheNewMe2.0

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Everything posted by TheNewMe2.0

  1. @BooksandTreesThanks man, I appreciate your friendship too.
  2. This is my see you again letter Positive: I feel like I've gotten a lot of good out of being here on gamequitters. I found hope and inspiration to quit gaming when I felt hopeless. I met cool people and we helped each other. I was loved and supported when the waves were rocky and the weather all a storm. I learned to focus on the positive because it will cause you to live longer. I learned about how to go about romancing a woman. I found strength and motivation to pursue my goals especially when it comes to abstinence from substances, masturbation, gaming, scratching my skin, sexual thoughts, etc. And I also found some balance to not pursue goals too much. I'm grateful for everyone who has posted on my page, sent love and encouragement to me @Icandothis@Realworlder@Theresa@BooksandTrees@Phoenixking etc. I used to feel really happy being on this forum, offering people encouragement and interacting with my regular peeps. But I think something is starting to change in my life. And yesterday I just felt like I've kind of done my time here. I've gotten what I came for. Training in how to maintain abstinence from gaming. In Thailand the people are often asked or even required to go live at the monastery as a monk or nun for 1 year then they get to return to the life of a layperson with a more enlightened way of being. I feel like I've done this with AA, Church, and now Gamequitters all of which I stayed at for a year and kept the good things I learned from them and will continue to do so. It's my time now to learn and grow in loving myself. Please Wish/pray/send good things to me. Sending love. TheNewMe P.S. I'm taking a break from GQ I may come back later to stay sober, check in with the good people and or to link you to my ebook. (I'll make it free :).
  3. Hey Johebe, great job with all the progress you made. How you changed your thought from negative to positive about people who give 100% was amazing. Wim Hof says if you give it all you'll get it all. Of course I'd add take time to rest and do nothing. If you want some ideas for how to increase your strength to resist gaming let me know. I can offer options that will help. Keep up the good work.
  4. Positive: I have made contact with an author I like and am modeling my first ebook after. And she has been very nice to me and is actually beginning to mentor me in writing and publishing a book. Her ideas are to get a website going which I was already thinking about doing. And sending out a newsletter or a blog. IT's pretty cool. She's into yoga too and meditation spirituality prayer . . . Now that I'm doing better I'm so much more like enthusiastic and happy and laughing singing seeing things as beautiful. I'm practicing 'good enough'. It's actually pretty funny and liberating. I don't feel an obligation to be the perfect religious person that obeys scripture 1000% anymore. I feel like I can see now what I feel is good enough. Instead of pushing myself to achieve perfection. Maybe I can push myself to be good enough. That sounds a lot better. haha. Thanks for reading. It will all work out
  5. Positive: I'm getting better. Slowly but it's happening. I'm practicing living in the possibility not the probability. It's from a decent book I read called Om Freely free ebook. It inspired me to write a short ebook of my own. I'm taking a break from writing the ebook though so I can continue practicing the tenets of my own book. Eventually I'll be so well versed in them myself that I'll be bale to better explain them and they'll have a better energy to them so people will feel good when they read it. Just a short something like 30 lessons about 5 sentences each or less. What's that like 1-2k words? Nothing very much. One of the teachings would be 1. 'Good enough'. If you're struggling with something being imperfect just think good enough. This toast is a little burnt, good enough. I don't have perfect skin, good enough. You get the idea. For the title maybe Good Enough. My mom helped me come up with the title. I smiled at life I accomplished affirming three days in a row so I'm buying myself a small reward hooray I am grateful for gratitude mom's help w/ title and syrup yum Everything will work out
  6. Positive: My mom says I look to be walking better. The interesting thing is she said that the day after I tried doing a visualization I learned from the book use your mind to heal your body. So maybe it's working? I'm continuing to visualize like they said to. I smiled at Vipassana I accomplished doing wim hof breathing I am grateful for WHM, vipassana, and loving kindness. Good luck
  7. Positive: I'm practicing reciting the buddhist 5 precepts and 10 virtues. It's been helping. I even got a client to meditate on energy and determination with me to help us go achieve our goals. Hopefully he uses it in a positive way. Hehe not like , 'I'm super determined to eat burger kind everyday.' Sorry no offense to BK it's just not that healthy I htink. Mom's still making me food, she said I look like I'm walking better today. I'm beggining my journey to memorize and recite the 8 limbs of yoga. I'm starting small by just memorizing one each day and thinking about it for a little bit instead of just memorizing 5 at a time like I did with the virtues. It's good to go slow. Like that XX song Crystalized. I smiled at bluberries I accomplished a little bit of Samadhi or oneness I am grateful for my portion control. I'm eating 50-80% of what I used to each meal. And I've gone from 175 lbs+ to ~170. I'm 6"1 Good luck
  8. I've been ordering food a lot lately too. I gotta get some boar's head turkey and make sandwiches. I can probably do it. Yeah those compound movements are good. I enjoy working on my pull ups but I'm trying to make sure not to get carried away as I can often get a rush from the exercise and want to go do too much. So, I guess I'll like just note the feelings as they come up for a bit after I finish the workout. Yeah those goals are pretty lofty although I do hope to achieve them. I am just trying to simply and make baby steps.
  9. @RealworlderThanks. About 5lbs to go. just trying to get there gradually. Ya Idk I'm trying out a new meditation timer app. I'll see how comfortable I feel with it. Gratitude: I'm grateful for my spiritual friends I talk to. I was struggling a lot with affirmations, but now I'm dialing back the intensity a lot. Trying to start small, baby steps and simplify. So I guess I'm grateful for affirmations. Idk if I'll be able to do them but I'm resting in the possibility that I'll actually make some headway with them and do better. I'm generally better at visualizing myself thinking/speaking them but not very good at actually speaking or thinking them in my own head. Maybe I'll just focus on what I can control here and work on visualizing myself thinking/saying them and that will generalize into helping me think and say them just normally without requiring visualization. Like how the runners visualize running a lot and I'm sure that's a lot easier than actually running the race. I'm grateful for prana and drawing in new energy each day so I can survive the day. I'm just trying to survive right now, once I do that I'll think about doing more. So I'm grateful for surviving and my grandpa who said, 'I came I saw I survived.' In reference to going through the adversity of the Great Leap Forward. And I'm greatful for this book on visualizations. Even though it's not perfect. And I'm feeling ridiculously uncomfortable with it at times. The things he teaches have been helpful. Especially the stuff about medications/placebo, calming down. But really just that he encourages you to make your own visualizations and states the idea of gradual progression in the visualization starting where you think you're at and steadily moving towards the goal till you're visualizing success. It will work out
  10. Just think 'Stop hurting/harming yourself.'
  11. For sure man. Find a meditation that works for u.
  12. Today I'm grateful for lionsroar.com which has provided me with some useful articles with which to help me out. Also for just doing a little bit at a time. The Buddha said if you practice just a millisecond of metta each day that would pay off your debt to society for living as a monk or nun. So I'm practicing going small instead of going big all the time like I used to. I'm a lot like excess from The Flash who kept going big just for the sake of going big to try to impress her dad. I like XS. She eventually learned to slow down.
  13. Hey good job with the goals I read. Those all look good to mee. Uhm you can like practice some form of meditation and or connection with a higher power in order to overcome your hunger pangs as you do calorie restriction/portion control. Also you could try out thinking about Christian Bale who lost like a ton of weight for his role in teh machinist. He said, 'When I felt hungry I just read.'
  14. Love that superhero quote. Also this bottom line is good. AA they say don't have any reservations like going back to the addiction once you're retired. I mean if you think about it. There are two lives for you at retirement. One where you don't do much other than game and all the things that you've worked for decades to build in your sobriety fall by the wayside. And one where you can keep going with the momentum you build up. One filled with loving connections with people you deeply care about. And passions that make you feel more fulfilled and positive about yourself than gaming ever did. The choice is yours. Good job staying off the games
  15. Learning to dance to house and edm is awesome. Makes me want to shuffle right now! And save money and go rave and dadadaada. No drugs though. Good job finding replacement behaviors keep up the effort
  16. Gratitude Journal grateful for you and everything I talk about here: Today I'm very grateful for the Buddha and Quan Yin who have been helping me meditate. I'm grateful for my meds which have helped me feel a lot better and I'm also doing a DBT skills for people with psychosis workbook which is helping me already with meditation and Im' only 88 pages in (300 total). I look forward to getting through all of it and checking out the section on how to get along with people which Icould really use. It's common for people with psychosis to withdraw from life especially people. Which is a challenge I'm overcoming now too. I really like how the book is tailored to people who are going through what I'm going through. I feel the like author has a lot of compassion for people like me. Also did you know 9.8 million people in the Us have psychosis? That's about 3%. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Still keeping my weight down. About 5 lbs away from my goal weight. I did abs yesterday which ofc I'm grateful for as well and not to brag but my stomach is looking good. My practice of going outside and drawing in energy I think is working. I'm hoping that I can stay on a low dose of meds for now and find a way to offset the side effects by just eating less despite the increased appetite and drawing in lots of energy and practicing muscle relaxation techniques so I get good sleep and don't have to sleep as much. I feel like I was in kind of a helpless state when I was on meds before and getting off them gave me massive motivation to work at finding a way to improve my symptoms without drugs. And I have found some stuff but I'm gonna stay on a low does of meds for now because I definitely could use the extra help for now. I really believe that maybe in the future I'll be able to get off them entirely. I learned a bunch of cool stuff online. Hit me up if you want links to mudras, meditation instructions, and optimism. I smiled because I completed a long meditation this morning. I accomplished meditating Mindfully yours TNM
  17. Positive: I meditated this morning for an hour. I was planning to only do 30 minutes. But my meditation timer only seems to work when the screen is on. So the screen has to be on the whole time draining battery while it plays an animation of the world rotating in order for the bell to sound when the timer goes off. Otherwise it just doesn't make any noise if you lock the screen. So that's kind of a bummer. Maybe I can find another app that works better. This one was strangely working for a while but now it's stopped so that's too bad. I woke up 2 hours earlier than usual today. I don't know if that's because I have more energy lately and the meds side effects are wearing off or what. But it is nice to have more time to do whatever. I smiled at birds I accomplished setting a limit with my mom on her only telling me about her business one time a day and I'll plug my ears and close my eyes when she passes that limit because it's been months of listening to her talk about this thign that I don't want to hear about and I just listen to be polite and encouraging but I'm burnt out from her increasing lately to up to 7 times a day coming up to me to tell me what she's sold or bought and how much. Yep. Gotta set those boundaries. I am grateful for my mom who has been making me food, giving me money and paying for stuff, cleaning up after me, driving me to PT, loves me, encourages me, helped take care of me when I was little, will actually leave me money when she dies, and is generally a good person. One of the few people I feel safe and comfortable around.
  18. I appreciate your concern. But I think I'm doing alright. You've got to eat less to lose weight. I'll try not to lose the weight too quickly like you suggest so my body is still getting enough nutrients and maybe eat a little more than I have been. I just want to have abs again like I did before I got on the medications and I weighed around 165. My goal is to at least be able to do yoga. But I would also like to work sumo deadlift, pull ups and hammer curls into the picture. Maybe dips too. And crunches. Although I really would like to do this exercise where I hold myself at the top of a pull up and do leg raises because I think that's the best for abs. Last time I did it my old tendonitis kind of kicked it and my back tendons/muscles were aching for 3 days. I think maybe with my meditation I may be able to offset any previous negative effects and do these exercises I listed. I think that would be sufficient to build a lean muscular body. I'd also like to do shadow boxing again and maintain a calm equanimous mind. That's going to take some mental training for sure to be a peaceful warrior. Gonna make it all work. The Christian faith is gonna take some work but I think I'll get my goal spirituality of practicing Christianity Buddhism and yoga philosophy comfortably. I'd like to be comfortable with the other faiths but not necessarily practicing them. Because although I was trying out islam and taoism for a while. I feel like being involved in two religions and one philosophy is already a ton so I don't really want to go for more than that at the moment. I mean who has time to practice all those faiths anyways. Not me. Trying to keep it as simple as possible while still achieving what I want to. Anyways that's my goals rant. Thank you.
  19. @RealworlderYeah I'm trying to just put more effort into meditating and see if I can manage without the drugs. I'm down to one crutch now. The knee is a little sore at times but seems to be holding up pretty well with the added weight. I got shoulder exercises to do now to stabilize my shoulders. Once I'm able to walk again I'll probably be able to do yoga again too. Walking I'd say 2 weeks chatturanga and yoga maybe 4. Positive: My mindfulness meditation is going good. It's been really difficult to do it, but I'm like pushing on through and it's going pretty well. I can pray and sing again. Listening to music again has been wonderful since getting off the meds. I even figured out how to set up an adblocker on my iphone. Instructions: If you have an iphone lookup ad block plus and install for ios it will tell you how to enable it in settings and voila you can browse youtube in your safari browser w/o ads! I listened to some music this morning while I brushed my teeth it was invigorating. I was doing rehab last night and just felt so exhausted. I noticed that when I do yoga I feel calm and relaxed. I feel like I have more energy from the practice. But when I workout or do rehab which is basically working out as well. I feel really exhausted and depleted. So, determined as I was to do my rehab and walk again. I just thought, 'I need more energy.' And I started visualizing pranic energy filling my system up and it made me feel much more energized. I went from feeling really beat to doing the whole rehab workout for my knees. It was so helpful that this morning while walking using my one crutch (yes we have moved on from two crutches to one. Yay improvement). I have been meditating on the prana whenever I move and whenever I feel like it. I think I'll still keep doing the mindfulness as well as the prana meditation because mindfulness makes me feel really like more in control of myself and it's making me feel healthier. I got mad at my mom like twice this week. She was telling me that trying neurofeedback is a scam and not worth doing. And I got really upset and was just like, well what's your solution? And she's just like, Don't think about what's botehring you stop ruminating and think about positive things instead. Which is good counsel and I'm trying to do that. I just also feel like it's worth trying alternative medicine to try to get some help because I've been struggling quite a bit with my challenges. I guess it's a generational thing. Our generation is more prone to looking for help. While my mom's is more used to just going it alone and toughing it out through everything. She did sort of see my point and stated that I could try neurofeedback if I wanted to. So I bought a Muse S off amazon for 300$. It's a lot of money but if it can help me then it's probably worth it. Honestly I'm doing a lot better today but Idk it could be even better I think. Maybe I can get more help with overcoming my challenege. I smiled at mindfulness I accomplished eating half I am grateful for the trees outside my sliding glass door. Looking at them in all their green and brown glory is wonderful. I love seeing the sunlight glowing on their leaves and branches. It's like I'm seeing God's creation for the first time. I like going outside and singing or meditating. Drawing in good energy from the earth air and sun. I remember one time I was lifting weights a lot and I felt so tired in the morning. I just barely dragged myself out of my house and stood outside in the warm sunlight. And I felt re energized. Like the sun filled me back up with all the energy I needed to keep going. Then I went and did a 1-2 hour workout no problem. I always wondered what had happened there. Now I know that we draw prana from the earth, air and sun. So I want receiving prana from the sun in a big way that day. I guess because I really needed it my mind somehow figured out how to draw in a lot right then. I remember feeling aches and pains when I'd play soccer. But once I stepped on the field all the pain went away and I was read to play. I think I was drawing up prana from the earth. That it was giving me the energy and healing I needed to play my match. Grateful for the prana which is giving me strength healing and energy to keep on keeping on. Namaste
  20. I don't know about calories. I'm just trying to eat half of what a normal meal would have been for me. I read a book that mentioned portion control and their tip was 'eat half' so I think think that when I'm eating. Or if I eat a somewhat heavy lunch I just do no dinner. I am trying to lose weight so I don't mind eating less. I'm keeping it at around 2 meals or 3 small meals a day. Fruit for snacks are allowed.
  21. @RealworlderWe'll see I'm on wait to see an urgent care Therapist today and probably wait a while for the new therapist. I might end up going back on meds. The PT is helping my knee is getting better. I can stand on it for over a minute now without crutches. No walking w/o crutches yet though. Realistic Optimism: Realistically speaking, I've been getting chest pain when I have certain thoughts. And that's basically gotten to the point today where I can't think or meditate on hardly anything without great discomfort. That's pretty sketchy. All my Dr said about it is get off the couch and maybe it's stress related. It's probably not a heart problem. Maybe if I get back on meds I'll relax more and chill out and the pain will go away and I'll be able to do what I want to again with my mind. Also the delusion has essentially been getting worse over the past 3 months. I have been able however, to stop it from botehring me completely or for the most part through meditating and visualizing. Still some things trigger me and the delusion like explodes and I have to get away from the trigger and try to settle down. According to all the therapists I've talked to I need to get back on medication and see if that helps. I really don't want to because since getting off the meds I've been able to listen to music again and sing. And I've been losing weight slowly too. My body feels better and more energetic. I guess I'm kind of holding onto a shred of hope that maybe another therapist will have some idea for what to do for me without meds. Also it's depressing a bit to think about but if I get back on meds and I'm still not able to work comfortably enough then I may have to quit working altogether and just sit around the house all day. Which at least my mom assured me would be fine if that's what's necessary to take care of my health. Optimistically speaking everything will work out. I'll be okay either way. I still have my good physical health and I'm doing okay spiritually. Mentally I could be better but also I'm not doing completely terrible. It's only when I get triggered that I struggle. Otherwise I'm decently able to manage symptoms. The meds will work or something will. It may just be wildly optimistic of me but. I'd like to think that I'll be able to practice my spirituality as I please in the future succeed in my career and join a yoga studio and maybe even a church safely and comfortably. And socialize. I smiled at the Paramis I accomplished mindfulness I am grateful for phone, urgent care, therapy, crisis intervention, toast, cheese, spinach, egg, portion control, meds, no meds I will all work out
  22. Optimistic post: Vipassana is going well. I'm scheduled to see a therapist tomorrow morning. The last one didn't have much to help me with. Maybe I'll get back on meds like she said to though. Really not a fan of meds though. Got a meditation group on Thursday. Just trying to find some sort of way to improve my discomfort enough that I can safely go back to work next week. I guess rehab is going well. Got PT on thursday. I'm doing the exercises and icing the knee almost daily. I'm thinking about getting a meditation chair also known as a backjack. Like they had at my old school to set up and meditate on my bed. Yeah. Things are improving. I smiled at mindfulness I accomplished eating a banana for breakfast like the Flash I am grateful for flash, mindfulness, banana, iris, nora, danielle, metta, water, joe and green Have a good day
  23. Optimistic entry: So while I've been struggling to make something work with my meditation. At night I've been visualizing practicing yoga for 30 minutes. After that once I lie down in bed I've started visualizing other stuff. And it's been making me feel better. I'm still getting consistent chest pain. I'm trying to get off the couch except for when I'm icing my knee like the doctor said so I hope that will make it better. I did pull ups yesterday and that didn't go well because I ended up having to stand for too long and my knee started hurting quite a bit. I had to resort to practicing Reiki and other stuff on it. Which did relieve the pain. Disclaimer this sounds a little woowoo: So I talked to the Reiki and it told me to stop lifting weights if that's possible to do without my back hurting again. That it was best to just do yoga because that's going to help me keep my body and mind soft which is necessary for curing myself. After trying a bajillion meditations in the past three days I sat down to meditate and just decided I was going to try to find the meditation that works best for me. And I thought I already liked my meditation teacher Bhante and was mad at him because my mind kept thinking he was bad. But also that he did good for me too and taught me good meditation. I sat on the floor in front of the window and I started to feel good about Bhante instead of bad. I felt I was able to practice the meditation he taught more comfortably than before. And now I feel like I want to keep trying to do the meditations he taught me through his books. So I'm planning on possibly learning about yoga philosophy and reading/practicing Bhante's stuff today. Also I slept an hour less today which was kind of a nice surprise. I think it was from all the visualizing. I smiled at trees I accomplished getting up I am grateful for light May we be well
  24. Optimistic journal entry: I've decided that I'm going to give being more optimistic a try. So I'm going to make my whole journal entry about the good in my life and focus on that. Overall my health is pretty good. I am working on doing some pull ups and core exercises now that I can stand better. I'm doing a new form of meditation that I discovered while working on my book on psychotherapy. I like this new meditation. I practiced it this morning. I really look forward to walking around barefoot on the grass once or twice a day. I usually move along rather slowly so I can keep my mind focused on being calm and equanimous. But when it was time to go outside I suddenly started crutching faster towards the door because I was so excited. I felt like a dog when it's time for their walk. My mom has been so good to me while I recover and regain my ability to walk w/o crutches. She said, 'It's okay you don't have to be sorry anything you want just ask and I'll do it for you.' She actually made more money than I did last week flipping things she finds online. I'm happy for her. More money for the family is always good. I've been spending around 7 hours a day researching 'how to cure schizophrenia'. One thing has led to another and this new meditation is going well and now I'm looking into optimism which I liked when I read some about it last night. Playing Lauren Daigle songs in my head help me sleep. I really like her. She's the most popular Christian artist. I like things that're really popular. It makes me feel safe and warm like I'm doing something that lots of people are doing. So it's like being a sheep in the middle of a herd. Safe. I think because I didn't have a strong belonging to a social group when I was younger. Being half white half asian I didn't really get a strong feeling of acceptance from either group. More like a 50% acceptance level. Which was better than nothing and I like both groups now. I just felt like belonging very powerfully to a group like soccer players or in present day with the yoga and meditation and I guess even GQ. It makes me feel like I belong somewhere. I'm accepted. I have 'a people' that I'm a part of. So I guess we all find ways to feel okay with who we are and this is alright for me. My mom says I 'go extreme'. I am trying to be balanced about things. That's why I set a limit on this site to only post once a day. Or only meditate up to 1.5 hours a day formally and the same with yoga. Limits are good. Maybe I can limit my research time too. Maybe we'll say 5 hours? Baby steps you know. Coming down from 7 here. But it's my vacation time and I really want to find some things that work for me so I can handle work and life better once I'm off vaca. I smiled at meditating I accomplished ringing om bell I am grateful for meditating, om bell, mom, breathing, letting go, chinese, neighbor, communicating good things, goodness, peace, relaxing, calm, Good luck