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Everything posted by ceponatia

  1. Day Eleven It's actually become pretty easy to avoid gaming lately. I wouldn't lie and say that I've replaced it with tons of productive hobbies, I've just been too tired and busy to even think about gaming after work. This weekend I'll make more of an effort of working in some of my other goals like studying piano and getting back to the gym. I've also been eating pretty poorly this week which has both cost a lot of money and probably contributed to how tired I feel.
  2. You need to set stronger boundaries with this person, they probably don't even think they are manipulating you. I'm not great at this myself so I'm just giving you advice that I've been given countless times... I know it's far from easy. Even if fighting your bully strains your family relations, it's still the right thing to do. At the end of the day, you're the most important person in your life.
  3. Recovery is a process. Every time you start over, you're still learning from your mistake and will be stronger next time.
  4. Day Ten Settling into a bit of a routine now. I was going to wake up earlier today to go to the gym but I'm just too tired when it's cold out. I could go to bed at 6pm and wake up at 5am and still feel tired. It's nuts. Not much else to report. Kind of a boring week.
  5. Day Seven Feeling better today. Back "on the wagon" so to speak! Waking up this morning, gaming wasn't even remotely interesting to me so I'm jumping back into A+ cert studying and school. My school weeks go from Tues - Mon so my next assignment will start tomorrow. Finished my exam today (aced it but that's not difficult at all at UoP). Not really sure what to do hobby-wise today so I'm cleaning up and getting everything ready for the work week. Had today off for MLK day. I've been spending a bit of time on the stopgaming subreddit too. Lots of the same question being asked over and over by people who will never be back. Very similar experience to when I used to go to the alcoholism subreddit. People only want to quit when they're feeling down; once they go to bed and wake up fresh they're right back into it. It takes a conscious effort and planning to actually quit. So, those subs are pretty frustrating. There was even one guy whose life was such a mess I almost wanted to say that quitting games should be at the very end of his list. But I try to not give people life advice these days. Not only is it none of my business, they're also not going to listen so it's a waste of effort. Still happy with the fact that I actually went out with REAL LIVE FRIENDS on Saturday. I hope that can happen more frequently. It's difficult at my age because everybody is married and has families that they need to do things with most of the time. People don't go out for a day and try something new like they did when we were younger. Now it's just meeting for drinks at a bar for an hour or two which I obviously can't do. Ah well, that's just negative thinking getting the better of me. It'll be alright.
  6. "Using dreams" are a common occurrence with all addictions. They suck, but they're perfectly normal. I still wake up in a cold sweat after having a dream about getting drunk, wondering if I actually did drink the night before and then realizing I don't have a hangover. Lol. They'll always be there but they get much, much more infrequent. And don't think of it in terms of "why do I always have to mess up so much". People make mistakes and we learn from them. You're doing great.
  7. Day Five & Six had my first relapse, which I expected to happen eventually. I'm no stranger to quitting an addiction and it's kind of just part of the process. Learned from it though... I can't put off my ADHD medication or I lose all of my energy and don't want to do anything productive. To be honest I didn't even want to game, I just wanted to do other things even less. Back at it now. Studying tonight and throwing myself back into music. No harm done.
  8. Interestingly I've been thinking about finding an acting school too!
  9. Day Four Yesterday was great! Work went by super fast and afterward I studied and spent some time with the family. Today I am meeting up with some friends I haven't seen in a decade which makes me nervous of course but the fact that we used to be best friends helps. It's snowing big time here so most of my morning is being spent on that and trying to buy a snow blower. I'll finish up the afternoon with some Machine practice and light reading.
  10. Love how detailed your journal entries are, gives me lots of ideas for things I can do.
  11. Awesome post! I can definitely relate to a lot of your "why I quit" list. I also consider gamers, on average, to be very toxic and negative and just don't want to be a part of that anymore. I think a big part of that is that the most vocal members of the game community are the ones who spend all day either gaming or on Reddit (so... us, lol) and they are not mentally healthy or happy people. The ones who just casually play for 30 minutes to an hour every once in a while aren't going to be on the Steam forums talking trash all day or sending developers death threats on Twitter. Remember Gamergate? I bet virtually everybody involved in that argument was a video game addict. It's so nice to be able to think clearly and not get triggered by insignificant things like a bug in a game or someone no scoping you. Lol
  12. @Alexanderle yep! Sometimes we even think people don't like us or HATE us even though we just misunderstood something. I've become friends with lots of people I used to dislike because I thought they disliked me first. Lol
  13. So true. I am normally very quiet and shy but I started just at work by saying hi to everybody I saw in the morning. Then I started asking people how they were. At first people just say "good" or whatever, but after you've talked to the same person a few times they open up to you more and a conversation starts.
  14. I understand how you feel about your friendships. When I gave up alcohol a year and a half ago I lost almost ALL of my friends... not really because they didn't like me being sober but because I had been such a bastard to them while drinking that the shame was too much to stomach while sober. I'm also very slow to make new friends... I always get on with people but when it comes to actually finding people to spend time with outside of work or whatever... I just don't know how to make the first move. So you're not alone in that. We're still young in our new lives though and we'll find people that mesh with our new visions of ourselves.
  15. Even on a slow and lazy day you still worked out which is something the majority of people don't do on even their best days. Good work. 🙂
  16. I want to start working out again but maaaan I'm so exhausted all the time. Might be caffeine intake. I get 7-8 hours of sleep and still feel like I could snooze til noon.
  17. Day 3 (yesterday) is when I most felt like gaming so far too. I don't know if it was because I had the day off of work for some appointments, so wasn't really that motivated. I even got as far as reinstalling uPlay but I stopped myself from actually playing anything. Just watched movies all night which isn't much better than gaming but at least it is breaking the habit. I'm back on the ball today. Hopefully you make it through the day okay! I believe in you. If you start feeling like you want to play something, immediately try to do something else. That's what worked for me.
  18. Said the experiment was full when I tried
  19. DAY THREE Missed a day, but it was a good day. Worked my butt off at the office and then still had the energy to study and prep lunches for the week when I got home. That took up most of my evening as I've been trying to go to bed earlier in order to have more energy. Not working that great so far but I'll keep it up. Today was pretty good as well... didn't go to work as I had TWO dental appointments and then I just sort of cleaned up a bit at home. It's only 6pm now so I'll probably read a bit before messing around with some music software and then heading to bed. I did think about gaming today which I expected would eventually come up, but I've managed to hold it off.
  20. I'm not saying that there are no attractive women out there in their 40s, that is demonstrably false. However, finding one who doesn't have kids (complete dealbreaker for me) or some sort of disorder (like alcoholism) gets harder the older you get, because most well adjusted people are married by now. I'm no catch myself. I have a lot to work on and that's also a contributor to why I don't actively date that much. It's not that I don't ever get offers for dates, it's that the offers I do get aren't appealing. I'm not giving up, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm just saying I get the same feeling Jay gets about FEELING like I'll always be alone even though I logically know that's not true.
  21. I have a lot of the feelings you described in your first post on the Match situation. Even if I don't care about the girl whatsoever (that sounds mean but I just mean when it comes to online dating, they don't even really count as people to me until I've been talking to them a while) I still start swirling into a vortex of "why did she stop talking to me?", "What am I doing wrong?", "Am I going to be alone forever?" etc. Sadly, as I've gotten older the "Am I going to be alone forever" bit is starting to have some truth to it... mainly because single women my age aren't exactly prizes. Again, sounds mean, but I'm just being honest. Funny enough I've even had that "maybe I should just become one of those 'alpha males'" thought but it's not really something we can just decide to be, unfortunately. I don't have any answers for you, just letting you know that you aren't alone and I understand how you feel. On the bright side, I have had a lot of girlfriends in the past so if you keep working at it, it DOES happen.
  22. I had a really good streak going in mid-2019 where I had my Echo set up to turn my bedroom lights on at 4 AM and start playing music. That will get you out of bed fast! I made a point to not touch my phone until I'd had a shower at least. Then I meditated for 20 minutes and did some yoga. I got turned off to meditation pretty quickly; I never saw any benefit from it whatsoever and still don't know what all the fuss is about. I think it's just something trendy to say that you do. Yoga on the other hand, I was definitely more flexible and more toned than I am now even though I still work out. I'd like to pick that up again.
  23. It could be a good move because it's really easy in the age of cloud storage to just reinstall your games. I've quit gaming a few times in the past and was able to cave and get a game installed in under an hour. If you still need a computer for school stuff, you could sell your PC and get a low price laptop that can't run games very well. It's tempting for me but I'm an IT major so I kinda need to have a PC. lol
  24. DAY ONE Pretty motivated, as I'm sure everybody is on day one. I got through 4 videos in module 1 at work this morning even though I couldn't technically delete my video games while I was at work. I uninstalled everything when I got home and cancelled any subscriptions I had. I'm not going to go hardcore today... don't want to burn myself out. Just going to relax with a movie after studying and cleaning my room (which is kinda messy from all the neglect brought on by gaming). A positive side effect to this is I won't be drinking any soda in the evening because I really only craved that when gaming. Might lose a little bit of weight! I already lost a lot when I gave up alcohol but there's still some hanging on for dear life. Looking forward to tomorrow when I'll pick some new hobbies. Already have some in mind...
  25. Careful not to burn yourself out. I recognize a lot of the things you've said in your posts above as ideas I've had as well and they led me down a pretty dark path for most of 2019. I was always beating myself up for being "tired" and "wasting time" and pushing myself to fill every empty moment with reading, cleaning, working out, etc. I didn't realize, though, that what I really needed was a BREAK. We have a limited well of energy to draw from every day and trying to be "on" at all times might be too much. I still haven't solved my problem but it's gotten a little better. I'm still tired for most of the day despite getting 8-10 hours of sleep some days, eating pretty healthy, and exercising. I'm not sure what the solution is but I keep searching. Good luck!
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