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Erik2.0

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About Erik2.0

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  • Birthday 09/28/1988

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  1. Hello, I would say it sounds like you're sort of on the way to feeling like you're done with your partner. I understand that you want to make things work for the kids and be a unit. It sounds like that isn't working for you so far though because he hasn't been good to you and is continuing with that pattern. People really don't change. I had to recently cut my sister out of my life because she was always very mean, negative and toxic towards me. I tried talking to her and asking her to stop. But she never relented or repented. She just denied that she was bad to me and continued being bad to me. So I finally cut her off after 31 years of knowing her. We haven't spoken for a few weeks aside from the random shouting at each other over things a couple times because we still live together. I feel a lot better since cutting her off and blocking her number. I think this same course of action might benefit you, but you're not in the action phase of the 5. "Prochaska has found that people who have successfully made positive change in their lives go through five specific stages: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. " I think you're in the precontemplation phase. Or maybe you're contemplating cutting him off. I don't know. It does sound like an unhealthy relationship. But, I don't know your life so deeply as you do. You know what's best for you. My two cents would be take really good care of yourself and surround yourself with people who make you feel good. After you've spent a lot of time just self-caring and being cared for you'll know more clearly what's good and bad for you. What you want to keep and get rid of and maintain in your life. Anyways, sorry I wrote so much. Take care.
  2. Hey, good job not masturbating for as long as you did. I think keeping the counter up helps. It's helped me a lot. Reading a little bit (like twenty minutes) on the nofap site helped too although I found the literature to be a slow read. In terms of getting fit. I think that's really good for you both health wise and for your self-esteem. Getting cut I think is possible if you just keep eating at a deficit and training. I just try to eat normally and workout, but I seem to be gaining some fat so I might continue training at a caloric deficit to get more cut. I think I'll do that in like another six weeks though. ttys
  3. I'm slowly working a little more now too. Keep up the good work brother.
  4. Day 59 NF 30 Np 13 med 16 It felt shorter when I did my 90 day detox off this site. I guess it's because I wasn't tracking each day on the website. That being said, once I tried gaming in moderation after my detox I felt like the forums made me feel a lot better so I've stayed with them. @Ikar They mandate me to work at least 30 hours so I've got to meet that quota. I got on some anti anxiety meds and I'm meditating and doing more yoga so that will all help me. Thanks for checking in with me. I've had to change up pressing motions to using dumbbells at the gym because the barbell version was hurting my wrist too much. I feel this sort of malaise come over me. I do work, gym, sleep. It's all sort of the same things all the time. It's good for me to have the stable structure it's just also a bit boring at times. Maybe I could try getting into an art form or something creative. I was thinking I'd just work to meditate and read more though. It's the safe play. I still really want to make a girlfriend, but I've kind of remembered to trust the process and not rush the process with that. With everything. That means taking my time to just talk and get to know someone for a long time and not asking to hang out or anything. Just really taking my time to chat and get to know people as I'm able to. I feel a lot more peace thinking about doing this rather than just trying to ask out girls randomly. Which I'm not opposed to it's just sort of, that's a really high octane activity. I think doing more low to moderate level of stressors is best for me right now in my life. That as I trust in the process it'll slowly build up to more exciting things with time. Thank you all for reading my posts and being here for me. It means a lot to me to have people post and know someone out there cares. God bless Erik
  5. Day 58 NF 29 Np 12 med 15 @Ikar I don’t think I have to. They’d prefer if I did though. I definitely won’t take more than this. They reduced it to 9hours so my totals at 26 a week up from 17. I don’t know if I can handle the added work. Today the struggle was real for sure. I was all hot and tired at the gym . It could also be because my meds just increased. I’m feeling like just sleeping now even though it’s nine because I’m pretty wiped out. I’m going to try to keep these hours but no more. God bless Erik
  6. Day 57 NF 28 Np 11 med 14 Oh shoot. I'm getting another twelve hours at work. That brings my total up to 29 hours if everyone shows up for counseling. Including driving hours I'll be getting that'll make me a full time employee I think. 30/week. That's great I'm slotted to work more. It's also not great because I still have hot flash insomnia. I stay in bed twelve hours a day just to feel somewhat well rested. If I have to cut that by 3-4 hours so I can get to work it's going to be a big problem for me. My life may become just working, sleeping and doing a little self care. I might not even have much time to go to the gym anymore. Which has become an everyday thing for me. This could be a huge issue. This sleep problem needs to be fixed. If I could just sleep 8 hours and feel well rested. Then I could work, gym, sleep and cope. I'd probably even have time for a social life and to expand my hobbies. Yeah. Until that miracle comes it's just work sleep and what exercise I can fit in. Erik
  7. @DaBest yeah give yourself a break. You worked crazy hours. It takes effort to keep my habits working twenty hours a week. I’m glad to hear your hard work payed off and you’re strategizing for a new year. Good luck with it.
  8. That’s good you’re eating meat again. Some people aren’t cut out for vegetarianism. Three months is a while I tried it for like three day’s. Tennis seems a little safer than contact sports. Enjoy the chicken.
  9. Good luck. Sounds like you’re doing a lot of good things for yourself. You can do it
  10. Cool song. It has a lot of fun and wise lyrics. I hope you feel better. Whatever you need help with you can ask for and try to find it.
  11. @ElectroNugget yeah it’s kind of sad but sometimes family members need to be cut off . @Icandothis thank so much, I talked to my dr and I think it’s safe enough to try the meds. They don’t cause organ damage like other ones I was on. @Ikar yes I noticed after getting off the games I don’t put up with people mistreating me as much. I used to just put up with people and go game the pain away but now I’m advocating more for what I want. Day 56 NF 27 Np 10 med 13 Still on the GQ journey here. Does anyone have a review of respawn for me? I’m kind of bored and could use something to stimulate me. My clients being very good and respectful about not gaming around me after I asked him not to. I’m on more medication now and I’d say I’m feeling better already. My sister keeps to herself now which is nice because then I don’t think about her much. I had sexual dreams for a couple nights now. I hope that doesn’t continue and I just sleep. My back got kind of messed up from doing cardio machines. But I’m being gentle with it and doing less now. I hope that works out too. Thanks everyone for commenting. God bless Erik
  12. Day 55 NF 26 Np 9 med 12 I’ll get back o everyone soon. I’m busy early in the week. It’s going to be a sleepy day tomorrow. I get up at 630 to see my psych. We’ll see what they say about side effects with anti anxiety pills. I don’t really mind anymore. All the things I can’t do because I’m too anxious or whatever my problem is. I don’t think it’ll change with pills. I have some form of insomnia. It’s been hard. But it’s nice when I get my weekends off from work and get to lay in bed longer. Maybe I’ll take a staycation sometime in the near future. I have some PTO. God bless Erik
  13. Hello, Thanks for your kind words about finding friends. I struggle to hold onto the hope that I'll find friends and a significant other someday too. But they'll come. I read your post about feeling sad and lonely. That you cry sometimes in your grieving of two close friendships dissolving recently. I'm sorry to hear that. You aren't alone. I feel really depressed too sometimes and am diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. That's schizophrenia/depression. I recently got on antidepressants and they helped a lot with depression and suicidal ideation. Maybe you can call your insurance company and ask about seeing a psychiatrist/therapist if you have the health insurance for it. I do a morning routine too. I pray, read affirmations and wash up. In the evenings I meditate and read the proverbs etc. I'm trying to get into doing a paper journal in addition to this and a paper schedule and google docs schedule. God bless you and help you especially with your feelings of loneliness Erik
  14. Hello, Thanks for sharing what's on your mind. I found your talking about how frustrated you are with your prospects of late to be humorous. "I don't want a generic person who ... sucks." I don't think I'd like that either. By contrast I have like no prospects within the past year probably. Unless you count a friend I have that lives in another state. Even so that's only one. Good job turning away shallow relationships. Those don't sound healthy or beneficial to you. You sound like you're looking for a serious relationship and that's a good place to be in. I think it's mature. I honestly kind of gave up on finding friends and a girlfriend. I'm just staying with my gym routine and my work. I hope that eventually I'll make connections there and maybe in another year I'll have made a few more social connections than I have today. Okay I guess I haven't given up on them, I'm just not trying to go out to groups or approach people if it doesn't feel comfortable lately. God help me. And you too. Erik
  15. @BooksandTrees Yeah I can see where you're coming from. I try not to listen to the headphones too loud, hopefully it won't mess up my hearing. Hmm. Fighting for equipment sucks. It makes me want to go in the morning or super late. I can see how working out with the same routine for 3-5 years can be boring. I don't think much about it though because it's pretty much all I have. I can't play any sports due to my back injury. I can't swim because it causes me acne. I'm pretty much secluded to gym and cardio machines. I do some yoga too. I also found a nice gym that's more friendly and peaceful which helps a lot. Whatever you do for exercise I hope you find something that works for you. Day 54 NF 25 Np 8 med 11 Today was almost a slip up on NP. I randomly got a big pimple on my back and chest. Maybe because yesterday was really stressful shoe shopping for me? Anyways I remembered my posting here and my commitment to NP kept me from doing it. So that was good. I use a Zinc soap bar for my body that helps a lot with my skin. I'm thinking about checking out the Respawn guide. This site and Gamequitters things in general are one of the things on my short list of things that I'm able to do. (My anxiety causes me to get stressed out and breakout in acne for a long list of activities). My skins relatively clear lately though because I avoid things on my 'can't do' list. I finished watching DC's Legends (1/4 shows I can watch so far). I thought, "Is this all there is to life? There has got to be more." So I guess I'm going to go through Respawn and see if it can help to enrich my life. I like the idea of decreasing screen time. Even though I'm on a screen right now. This pales in comparison to the endless hours spent gaming or watching tv. It's a lot more conscious too. I almost lost a friend today. I sort of lost my sister. She kept texting me mean insensitive things and refused to stop when asked repeatedly. So I did the only thing I could: I blocked her number and stopped talking to her. I've felt better since then. Although my parents want us to talk again. I don't want to. If I talk to her again she'll probably be just as mean and unapologetic as ever. I don't have any interest in setting myself up to get abused again. Back to my friend. She lost a friend recently and was being kind of rude to me. I got upset on 3-4 separate occasions and told her I didn't want to talk if she was going to keep acting out like this. She apologized and said she'd try to be nicer. So God willing that works out . . . I dunno I've kind of wanted to not talk to her for a long time. We'll see if our relationship improves. I might still have to cut her off. Cutting off people used to be hard for me because I have almost no friends or even acquaintances. But, I've decided I'd rather be alone than with someone who is treating me badly. Yep . I'll probably get on some anti anxiety meds next week and get a new pair of shoes. So I'm looking forward to that. I did an hour of cardio today. I am gassed! I like using the elliptical at my gym though. It has a tv on it and I've been able to watch some movie clips on FX with minimal discomfort. Anyways God bless everyone on here and anyone who reads this with lots of help in all areas of their life. God bless Erik
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