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About seriousjay

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  • Birthday 08/10/1986

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  1. So I am officially in a relationship with the woman I met on Match. The honeymoon phase has definitely settled in lol. One thing that I knew was going to happen as a result of this was other things in my life feeling less important and wanting to spend most/all of my attention on her, and it is happening. So I've got to find a new balance that includes her. I'm STILL ultimately responsible for my own happiness so I cannot give up doing the other things I really value.
  2. Sure I can post in my journal about it. It's off topic here. Don't want to derail your journal!
  3. Yeah for sure I definitely feel the honeymoon phase going on lol. But it's going to be really important for me to find that balance I need so that I can both satisfy my partner but also satisfy the things that I want as well! On top of juggling my life at home... lol. Great problem to have though.
  4. I think one of the most important skills to develop is self-awareness. One challenge I'm facing right now with this new relationship I'm in is my partner sort of consuming my attention. The other things that I know I love seem less important. I knew this was coming however and I was aware of it developing. It's just a matter now of finding a new balance with this new person being a part of that.
  5. The best way to deal with failure is to practice self-compassion. Beating yourself up over things has been scientifically proven to make it easier to justify doing the very thing you're beating yourself up over. Try to forgive yourself for messing up and resolve to do better next! This sounds like a great way to spend your time! Your drawings really are excellent, I'm quite impressed. 🙂 I think you need to give yourself much more credit for it. By the way, I'm very impressed with how you handled yourself during your trip. You really deserve a lot of respect for that. That's a lot of abuse to take, especially from a loved one. And make no mistake, what your dad did to you is abuse, whether he'll accept that or not. For that matter, whether YOU'LL accept that or not. You are an amazing person and don't deserve to be treated like that. Keep up the fight, you're doing great! I know it seems hard now but take it from me, it does get better. A lot better. You just gotta keep yourself moving in the right direction. 🙂
  6. Personally I agree with you about cold approaching. I never felt comfortable doing it, nor did I ever really want to do it either. I met the girl I'm with right now over Match. I wasn't really looking for or expecting anything at the time. It sort of just happened. I think if you take the proper steps to prepare yourself and allow yourself to be open to opportunities that come along, then things will sort of just fall into place. I know that sounds super cliche but I do believe in it, but then I'm also a believer in the law of attraction.
  7. Nice job man! You have a great approach with your streaks. Don't be hard on yourself for breaking it, just start a new one. 🙂 If a man experiences sexual arousal at the sight of every woman, then in my opinion something isn't quite right with the man. I go to the gym on a regular basis and while I do appreciate the beauty of fit women, it doesn't arouse nor frustrate me every time I look at them. Then again I am demisexual so maybe this doesn't quite apply to me. I think the best approach is to try to strengthen your resolve, though I have no advice for how to go about that. This has actually become a pretty big issue in society, where people are finally and correctly starting to hold boys and men to higher standards of restraint as opposed to shaming women for wearing what they want to wear.
  8. This is so true. You need to have enough respect for yourself to tell the other person where to shove it. Otherwise what you're doing is giving that person who doesn't care about you complete power and dominance over your life. They don't deserve that power. Nobody does.
  9. I think it's possible to have a very healthy relationship with masturbation. It isn't the act specifically that causes a problem, but the way people go about it. There are actually a lot of health benefits to regular masturbation, including stress and depression relief. https://www.spermbankcalifornia.com/male-masturbation.html
  10. So texting for me is pretty important because I'll only ever get a chance to see my date 1-2 times a week. I've got a lot going on in my life and the person I'm seeing right now values her independence as well. We're both totally OK with how often we get to see each other so it's just a matter of filling in the gaps in between. Yes! You totally got it! Anyways, as it turns out, this person I'm seeing is completely cool with candid conversation. We went into a whole host of personal topics. She expressed how nice it was to actually have a conversation regarding expectations around sex, among other things. This is like my dream courtship. I'm really happy right now. 🙂
  11. I'll be completely honest, I'm not comfortable with this idea at all. I'm totally fine with going it alone. But thanks for the suggestion! Honestly, you're right, I am holding some parts of me back for fear of rejection. As an example, society has this idea that texting first somehow makes you the desperate one. Whereas I just don't care. If I'm the one texting first every time, I really just don't care at all. I want to text good morning and good night every day. I don't understand when taking a few minutes out of your day to show the person you like that you're thinking of them became a sign of desperation... I'll be completely honest, I also don't subscribe at all to the idea of holding back on certain topics just because it's date x. Now, this isn't a typical courtship because we exchanged about a novel's worth of information with each other over Match before the first date. However, I don't see a problem at all with interspersing some more serious topics among the light-hearted banter. I do agree about not spilling the entire life story right away so it doesn't become overwhelming. Even still, I told her about the game addiction, and I told her I do face some anxiety issues (without going into too much detail... she actually asked me to elaborate but I told her I wasn't ready to share that yet), and she shared with me some stuff about her own past, and she still seems very interested, so... Anyways, I don't plan on elaborating too much about the anxiety until it becomes relevant to the courtship. Not because I think it's too early, but because the anxiety only exists in my head and it's MY responsibility to deal with it. I don't want anyone to have to help me with it unless they're a medical professional. My interactions with others should be fun, engaging, exciting, etc. and not an extra therapy session. I refuse to turn my future partner into that. Ideally, she never finds out anything else about it. Anyways, thanks guys for the posts! I think tomorrow will say a lot about where this thing is going. 🙂
  12. All good man. It was my bad. Have you ever considered online counselling? I'm getting pretty good results from that.
  13. Shifting from a results-oriented mindset to process-oriented changed a lot for me. I think that's a really great suggestion.
  14. Sorry bro. I did read your 500 days post but I must have missed that bit. 😞 Do you find then that the therapist isn't working for you? Are they not available to talk to when you need them?
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