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NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened


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  1. Hey guys, it's been a long time again but I just wanted to post a quick update. I got married on September 10th, 2022. It's been a hell of a ride with my wife with a lot of ups and downs, lots of maturing and growth. The board gaming fluctuated quite a lot between good and unhealthy places but I've got it more or less under control at this point. We are even looking into adopting a dog! I've been working with a therapist who I've really connected with who is helping me with past trauma. On top of all the maturing I've done I think this is really helping me get to the root of my issues, along with him helping me develop strategies to cope with both life and my ADHD. I can't recommend therapy enough, but I think you've really got to work hard to find someone who understands you and that you connect with. As I've learned, not all therapists with the same or similar background will resonate with you. That connection is just as important to the therapy as the therapy itself. Anyways, cheers! Hope everyone else is doing well!
  2. Pretending a mental health illness isn't a mental health illness doesn't a) not make it a mental health illness and b) make it go away. I'm actually more positive and mature now than I have ever been. I'm not using it as an escape. Rather, I am accepting that I have limitations because of a disorder that I have and I'm doing things in my life to set myself up for success in spite of it. You should know that people have told me the things you're telling me, and it was destructive because it was distracting from the actual issue at play. Some cultures barely recognize mental health illnesses as a thing and people commit suicide every year because of it. They have issues that aren't their fault but they are told they are lazy, stupid, etc. and eventually give up. Exactly like I was told.
  3. In ADHD, there is a deficiency in neutrotrasmitter signal processing that creates a dopamine deficiency specifically. This causes the brain to seek out activities that stimulate the release of dopamine. This is not treatable except with medication. For that reason, it is very different from an addiction, where you would expect abstinence or control of the substance being abused to lessen that craving for dopamine. You can read more here: https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adhd-dopamine#connection https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/ADHD_and_the_Brain-121.aspx https://psychcentral.com/adhd/neurotransmitters-involved-in-adhd#can-you-change-it I also read an article before that I can't find now that basically said with ADHD, neurotransmission gets interrupted and some of the signals never get to where they're supposed to go. As you said, things were "supposed to happen over time", but they didn't really happen for me. I've been telling people for years that things are off and that something isn't right. I kept hearing that everyone has the same problems, etc. etc. Now I know I was right and I wasn't crazy. I've seen a lot of improvements in my life ever since this diagnosis because I now have a proper plan for handling things.
  4. Hey guys, been a while. Just bringing this thing back from the grave to say that I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD and that is likely the cause for pretty much all of my difficulties, as well as the reason why the things I've tried to deal with my addiction haven't really worked that well. If you're in the same or similar boat, I strongly encourage you to get tested for ADHD. The symptoms present very similarly to anxiety, depression and addiction disorders, and if you read about it, it's not too uncommon for people suffering from these issues to have undiagnosed ADHD. After getting this diagnosis, I personally feel like I finally have some measure of agency back in my life. However, the problem is never going to go away and it's something I'll have to manage the rest of my life. At the very least, when things happen at least I know why, and I can start taking steps to address them and make everything more manageable.
  5. Bottom line is, you can't change anyone. Ever. Period. Stop trying to. If your husband doesn't want to change, he won't. He has proven this time and time again. In a way, he's right that you are trying to control him and you need to stop. Do not participate in his gaming anymore. Do not talk to him about gaming anymore. If he brings up gaming, tell him to stop talking about it. If he won't, leave the room. And make it clear that if he wants to continue gaming as well as keep the relationship, then he needs to work on healthy boundaries with the games. Then, leave him alone. Let him spend his time how he wants and decide for himself what he wants. If he doesn't change, you need to leave the relationship. I will warn you however, that I don't think this relationship is salvageable. Your husband is an abuser and an addict. He is so addicted to the games he's not even close to realizing he has a problem. Not even sitting down with a counselor seems to have moved the needle. He needs to seek therapy for his own problems, and it sounds like that's going to take years of hard work. This isn't about running. It's about recognizing that YOU DESERVE to have what you want in a relationship. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have someone as a partner that wants to interact with you and do things with you, things that YOU want to do. This is not selfish, this is recognizing that we all as individuals have needs and desires and those things deserve to be fulfilled.
  6. Well it's been about a year since I posted here. This is going to act as a farewell post of sorts since I'm pretty confident about where I'm at right now and can take it from here. I have since become engaged to the woman I met on Match about a year and a half ago and things are going quite well. The honeymoon phase is definitely over but we've settled into a new normal for us that I'm sure is going to work very well. There are still some adjustments and compromises to be made because we are both individuals who really value our independence and still have this feeling that parts of this relationship are compromising that. However, I'm certain that I've found the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with so I'm excited to see where it goes from here. I haven't picked up a video game in over a year and I've only watched Youtube videos for video games a handful of times, so much progress has been made there. Sometimes I am wistful about them, however I know that at this time, I cannot have a healthy relationship with them. It's possible I may never have that, though some part of me wants to. At the same time, I feel like if I do get to that point, I won't even want to play or even think about video games anymore, having prioritized other, more important things in my life. If all I'm going to do is play video games a couple hours a week, I don't see the point of playing them at all. I have picked up a board game called Gloomhaven which is a little bit like a video game in board game form. It almost got out of control but I think I'm at a healthy place with it now for the most part. It was a bit risky to allow myself to interact with it but I really believe I need to face this challenge head on and overcome it in order to really move on from this addiction. The food is still an ongoing challenge but I am making pretty good progress on that over the last couple of months. I'm still eating too much but mostly I am cooking at home lately or if I am getting take out, it's on the healthier side. What has really helped during this time is tapping into mindfulness, namely meditation, affirmations, visualization, and more recently, yoga. When you can ground yourself in the moment and really exist there, it's not too hard to stop obsessing over things like video games, food, etc. or just thinking in general. Anyways, I really want to share my appreciation for this community, for @Cam Adair for starting Game Quitters and everyone else who has helped me on this journey. It's been a wild ride and I hope that everyone who is suffering is able to find peace. 🙂
  7. Hey dude, thanks for posting. I actually ran into a major relapse back into gaming and youtube. Got a lot of stress going on in my life right now but slowly I'm working back towards a healthy place. I've come to the realization that in order to really get over this hump I'm going to need sustained abstinence from everything game related for years most likely. That seems to be the only way the life I want to live will become the "new normal" for me. How are you doing?
  8. Re. the food: I've discovered I'm an emotional eater. Being full or knowing the consequences of my poor eating aren't helping to stop my consumption of junk food. I just have to find a better way to handle stress. I'm sure a significant part of it is also habitual as well. As far as the gaming content, it goes hand in hand with finding a better way to handle stress. I can't really do much about the added responsibilities, so I just have to find a better way to manage my responses. I'll be working with my online counsellor on solutions for this.
  9. Haven't posted here in forever but I figured I'd share where I'm at. Things with my girlfriend are going amazing. Don't have much to say about that. Food has increasingly become a problem and with that so has consuming video game related content on Youtube. I think a lot of it has to do with stress from added responsibilities in my life and still not having great ways to cope with it. The writing and violin isn't helping much and I actually haven't done those activities in quite some time. Maybe I haven't given them enough of a chance to act as stress relief, I don't know. I've also slipped in my meditation and daily gratitude practice. My usual way to get back into doing things is not put too much pressure on myself to do them and just be OK with doing them for short periods of time to build the habit back up. I think that'll be a good start to get back on track. We'll see how it goes.
  10. It comes and goes my friend. You're not going to fall head over heels every time you think of the person you love. Some days you're going to think she's the greatest creation this planet has ever seen, other days she's just going to seem like any other human. I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it's been this way for an extended period of time.
  11. The 90 days is just a goal to work towards. The whole point of removing video games from your life for 90 days is to give you enough time to replace video gaming with other activities that fulfill the same needs. Maybe part of the issue is that people who get addicted to video games generally have significant underlying mental health issues that need to be addressed first and foremost. This is why so many people try and fail I think. Video games are like a drug to many of us. We can abstain for a while but eventually we need the high again and it's only through very concerted effort and self-discipline that we can force ourselves to not go back to it. Sometimes this is successful, even long-term. But I think without tackling whatever issues brought you to video games in the first place, it's hard to set yourself up for success. I used to think I just needed to try harder. That I didn't want it bad enough. This advice works for some people, but for many of us it won't because that isn't the problem.
  12. Alright, well obviously I don't want to discuss anything you're not comfortable talking about. 🙂 What do you feel we can do to help you at this time? Do you have any specific questions?
  13. Don't discredit even seemingly minor events that happen in our lives. If someone prods you with a spoon 1000 times you're probably going to be pretty upset after a while, but each individual poke won't do a whole lot. You say you felt lonely in your marriage. Would you say over that 10 years that there was a significant amount of neglect on your partner's part? Did you ever try to reconcile the issues with your partner, or were you just taking it and accepting their position, even if you didn't agree? I might be wrong but I wouldn't be surprised if your marriage is the reason you turned to video games in the first place. We are social creatures. We crave company. If you aren't getting it in real life you'll find other ways to satisfy that need. In your case that may have been video games. Assuming this is all true, and your marriage has left you scarred, finding a way to forgive your partner and especially yourself (if you do hold any self-blame for the breakup) will be an important step in your recovery. It's not necessarily important to tell them you forgive them. Forgiving them in your mind may be enough for you. I would definitely recommend seeking some kind of mental health professional to discuss this if you think it's a critical issue.
  14. Hi Laura, welcome to the forums. It's entirely possible that your addiction is because of an underlying mental health issue. I wouldn't rule it out and if you can make it work I would strongly advise you to speak to a professional about it. At the very least your family doctor. It might be an issue that you've been carrying "under the hood" your entire life and that specific video game you mentioned may have dragged it out of you. At the very least, there are some questions that would be worth exploring, such as if you've experienced any serious trauma in your life (mental or physical), whether you've struggled with making friends, etc. Also think about if there's any specific need that the video game may have fulfilled for you. Were you lonely? Sad about something? Think about how the video game made you feel and what about it made you keep coming back. You say you didn't have problems in your life until that game and I believe you, but there is obviously something it gave you that nothing in real life did that you desperately wanted. Otherwise you wouldn't have kept coming back. Additionally, please let us know if there's anything specific you need help with that we might be able to do for you.
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