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NEW PODCAST: Dealing with Gaming Nostalgia

seriousjay

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About seriousjay

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  • Birthday 08/10/1986

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  1. Re. the food: I've discovered I'm an emotional eater. Being full or knowing the consequences of my poor eating aren't helping to stop my consumption of junk food. I just have to find a better way to handle stress. I'm sure a significant part of it is also habitual as well. As far as the gaming content, it goes hand in hand with finding a better way to handle stress. I can't really do much about the added responsibilities, so I just have to find a better way to manage my responses. I'll be working with my online counsellor on solutions for this.
  2. Haven't posted here in forever but I figured I'd share where I'm at. Things with my girlfriend are going amazing. Don't have much to say about that. Food has increasingly become a problem and with that so has consuming video game related content on Youtube. I think a lot of it has to do with stress from added responsibilities in my life and still not having great ways to cope with it. The writing and violin isn't helping much and I actually haven't done those activities in quite some time. Maybe I haven't given them enough of a chance to act as stress relief, I don't know. I've also slipped in my meditation and daily gratitude practice. My usual way to get back into doing things is not put too much pressure on myself to do them and just be OK with doing them for short periods of time to build the habit back up. I think that'll be a good start to get back on track. We'll see how it goes.
  3. Withdrawal. Nothing to do except ride it out. You've got this keep it up!
  4. It comes and goes my friend. You're not going to fall head over heels every time you think of the person you love. Some days you're going to think she's the greatest creation this planet has ever seen, other days she's just going to seem like any other human. I wouldn't worry too much about it unless it's been this way for an extended period of time.
  5. The 90 days is just a goal to work towards. The whole point of removing video games from your life for 90 days is to give you enough time to replace video gaming with other activities that fulfill the same needs. Maybe part of the issue is that people who get addicted to video games generally have significant underlying mental health issues that need to be addressed first and foremost. This is why so many people try and fail I think. Video games are like a drug to many of us. We can abstain for a while but eventually we need the high again and it's only through very concerted effort and self-discipline that we can force ourselves to not go back to it. Sometimes this is successful, even long-term. But I think without tackling whatever issues brought you to video games in the first place, it's hard to set yourself up for success. I used to think I just needed to try harder. That I didn't want it bad enough. This advice works for some people, but for many of us it won't because that isn't the problem.
  6. Alright, well obviously I don't want to discuss anything you're not comfortable talking about. 🙂 What do you feel we can do to help you at this time? Do you have any specific questions?
  7. Don't discredit even seemingly minor events that happen in our lives. If someone prods you with a spoon 1000 times you're probably going to be pretty upset after a while, but each individual poke won't do a whole lot. You say you felt lonely in your marriage. Would you say over that 10 years that there was a significant amount of neglect on your partner's part? Did you ever try to reconcile the issues with your partner, or were you just taking it and accepting their position, even if you didn't agree? I might be wrong but I wouldn't be surprised if your marriage is the reason you turned to video games in the first place. We are social creatures. We crave company. If you aren't getting it in real life you'll find other ways to satisfy that need. In your case that may have been video games. Assuming this is all true, and your marriage has left you scarred, finding a way to forgive your partner and especially yourself (if you do hold any self-blame for the breakup) will be an important step in your recovery. It's not necessarily important to tell them you forgive them. Forgiving them in your mind may be enough for you. I would definitely recommend seeking some kind of mental health professional to discuss this if you think it's a critical issue.
  8. Hi Laura, welcome to the forums. It's entirely possible that your addiction is because of an underlying mental health issue. I wouldn't rule it out and if you can make it work I would strongly advise you to speak to a professional about it. At the very least your family doctor. It might be an issue that you've been carrying "under the hood" your entire life and that specific video game you mentioned may have dragged it out of you. At the very least, there are some questions that would be worth exploring, such as if you've experienced any serious trauma in your life (mental or physical), whether you've struggled with making friends, etc. Also think about if there's any specific need that the video game may have fulfilled for you. Were you lonely? Sad about something? Think about how the video game made you feel and what about it made you keep coming back. You say you didn't have problems in your life until that game and I believe you, but there is obviously something it gave you that nothing in real life did that you desperately wanted. Otherwise you wouldn't have kept coming back. Additionally, please let us know if there's anything specific you need help with that we might be able to do for you.
  9. Hey, good on you for realizing what's going on. Self-awareness is one of the most valuable tools you can develop for yourself. I think I have the opposite problem right now. I'm procrastinating on the things I know I want to be doing. Not exactly sure why. Am I afraid of the hard work? Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of success? Am I just afraid? I constantly second guess myself even when I know what I'm doing is the right thing. Not sure what the answer is--for either of us--but all we can do is keep moving forward towards our dreams and let the chips fall where they may.
  10. Usually when we get to this point is when we most need outside help, but we don't want to admit it/feel like we should be able to do it on our own/etc. I've done this before. Just "getting my thoughts out". It works as a temporary relief but it doesn't actually do anything to solve the problem. James, is it practical for you to take a vacation right now? Like, a serious vacation? Away from Game Quitters, from the podcast, from everything? Just go somewhere and do nothing but relax for a bit? Maybe it's a weekend, maybe it's a week, whatever you think you need. Because you are so clearly burnt out. You're so hard and strict on yourself and your brain and body are trying to tell you that it's too much. If you insist on continuing your routine, see if you can find things that you don't need to be so strict on. Adhering to a strict routine or schedule or whatever is difficult for the most disciplined people in the world, and right now you're a mess. You've taken on way too much and it's catching up to you. At some point you need to do what's best for you and fuck everything else.
  11. @Zipperhead sorry to hear about your relapse. I wish you well in getting back to where you want to be. My first instinct is to question your relationship with your wife. I can understand her being disappointed that you relapsed but her reaction according to you seems extremely excessive. Why would there be such a huge trust issue because you relapsed? Why would she threaten to leave you because you've shown that you're still human? It sounds to me like your relationship has deeper issues than just broken trust over a relapse in gaming, and I would strongly advise you to talk to her about that. If she's piling shit on you during this time, it isn't going to help. In fact, it's only going to make things worse, and you need to explain that to her. As well as the fact that relapse happens. It sucks, but it's always a risk with former addicts of any type, and right now you need her help. Your loved ones should be pillars of support in times of weakness, not the first ones to judge and distrust you.
  12. It's normal to wake up aroused from dreaming.
  13. Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it. Regressing back to porn isn't a problem if you find a way to bounce back. Every time we fall is a learning opportunity and a chance to become more resilient for when things get hard once again. And they will. One bit of advice: don't feel like you "should" feel like anything. Studying is boring. Nobody wants to study. It's OK to feel that way. You'll do it anyway because passing the exam is important to you, but it's OK to not enjoy the process of getting there. Attaching an expectation of how something should feel or how excited we should be is the very thing that causes us stress. We don't have the experience we think we should have and we get upset over that. I think you've got this. Keep up the fight!
  14. I'm not so sure. I saw some real progress from you over the past few weeks but it looks like you've slipped a little bit. I used to think like this: that I'm the one who will treat a woman right. I'll do everything for her. She'll never want for anything again. She'll know so much love and affection that she'll feel sorry for all the women out there who have men who treat them like shit. Wanna know who these types of people typically are? Doormats. They're the type of people who have no ambition and do nothing for themselves and treat their woman like a goddess. They are at their every beck and call. When she says jump, they say how high. The novelty doesn't take long to wear off. Where at first the woman appreciates all the attention, love, respect, etc., she quickly realizes she's getting it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe he's desperate, maybe he just jumps for the first woman who looks at him. This guy means well, but he doesn't realize his behaviour is self-sabotaging. Yes, a woman wants to feel loved and appreciated. She also wants to feel special. She wants to be able to say "I'm so lucky! This guy is so busy doing all the incredible things he's doing with his life and STILL he chooses to spend some time with me as well!" If everything you ever do in your life is for her, she'll either milk you for everything you're worth or leave you altogether because she feels you're not worth her time. She doesn't want nor need you to be there for her all the time. It's not about being busy for the sake of being busy. It's about being busy because you have things in your life that you value. That are important to you and that you're working towards. Goals and ambitions are sexy, and high quality women are very much drawn to men with them because it shows her that the man also thinks very highly of himself and has a great deal of self-esteem and self-confidence. You have a great deal of anger towards others that you need to resolve. Sooner or later that's going to come out with your girlfriend as well. It's going to happen for the most nonsensical reason and you're not going to understand why it came to it, but you're going to flip out on her for something silly and neither of you will understand what happened. I also think you lack self-esteem. It isn't about what you've accomplished. Measuring your self-esteem based on your deeds is a very hollow endeavour. I can't say what contributes to a high self-esteem because quite frankly it even mystifies me. I just know that practising self-care leads to higher self-worth. Engaging in hobbies that leave you feeling a sense of accomplishment and feeling good about yourself for doing them is another way as well I think. I think you've got a high level of self-awareness and that will help you. You understand what's going on within you and that will help you to identify areas that need to be worked on. I just think you'd do well to channel your energy into more positive attitudes and mindsets. Right now you're full of anger, hatred and bitterness towards seemingly everyone and everything. There isn't a self-respecting woman in the world who would ever be attracted to that once she learned about it.
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