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About seriousjay

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  • Birthday 08/10/1986

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  1. So the other day it fully sunk in for me how important self-love is when it comes to just about everything. I've been hearing about it a lot over the past year or so, but now I'm actually starting to intentionally live it. It makes it so much easier to deny temptations and other things that don't serve me when I'm framing that denial as an act of self-love. I'm also finding my inner critic has a lot less power over me as well.
  2. Nothing. Like you say James, last year me wouldn't have listened anyway. I go by a very simple adage: I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. If I knew better, I would have done better. I also wouldn't change a thing about what's happened thus far. Everything that's happened up to this point has turned me into the person I am today, and I really like that person.
  3. I can totally relate to this. It's called your negative self critic. Seems like yours has a pretty firm grasp on your mind. Try meditation, practicing gratitude, listening to positive and uplifting music, find people that uplift and support you, etc. Basically, just surround yourself with as much positivity and encouragement as you can. Find things that make you feel good about yourself, like people, hobbies, etc. Good luck! We're here to help. 🙂
  4. So after a few days of practicing gratitude twice a day with just whatever comes to mind, I think I'm really starting to see some benefits. For some reason practicing verbally instead of noting it in my journal is making a big difference.
  5. Thanks for your comment. I pretty much came to the same conclusions. Just keep working at it and continue putting distance between my current self and my gaming past.
  6. Yesterday, I came to the realization that I'm really not a very grateful person at all. I was driving to my mom's house and it dawned on me that I really do have a lot to be grateful for, but because there are things that I want and don't have, it isn't enough. I get the sense that if I continue along this path, there is no amount of anything that could satisfy me. This was hammered home when I got to my mom's house and looked up "how to be grateful for the things you have" on google. There were a bunch of lists of things to be grateful for, and I clicked one of the links. When I started reading the list, there were so many items that definitely applied to me but never even occurred to me to be grateful for. So I'm really going to take gratitude practice to heart. I'm going to take a few minutes each morning and evening to appreciate the things I have in my life, and when I get stressed out or things start going somewhat awry during the day, I'm going to try to remind myself that even though some things aren't going the way I want at that moment, there are still plenty of things I can be happy about.
  7. I've been mostly clean of games for about 9 months now and the "Now what?" question still haunts me from time to time! I have days where I question the path that I've decided to take since quitting, and I won't know if it's the right one for sure until I see some real progress, I think. The beauty of it is though that YOU get to decide what to do with your time. No one else. I used to believe that we all have some kind of "calling" or something we're "meant to do", but I've realized that what we're meant to do is nothing more than what we go out and do. Just find things that you like and do them, and just see what happens. Just remember not to put any limitations on what you think you're capable of. For every 1000 or 10000 people who believe a successful person got lucky, or just "has it", or whatever, there was that 1 person who discovered a strategy to achieve that success and implemented it with hard work. Literally anything and everything can be learned and mastered - it's up to you what you want to do!
  8. The detox was always meant as a jumping off point, nothing more, I think. You'll find your way. 🙂
  9. Hey there, one thing to bear in mind is that everything that isn't games or gaming related is likely to feel boring at first after quitting games. Please do not be discouraged by this. Continue exploring other activities. You may not be interested in the activities the first time, but give it a chance and you may find them growing on you. Remember that passion isn't something you just have, it is cultivated by investing into something. The more time and energy you spend on something, the more that thing will mean to you. That doesn't mean you'll be passionate about everything, as there will be a lot of activities that you genuinely just don't care about, but keep exploring and you'll eventually find a few things that you really love!
  10. The best way I can think of to handle this is to identify activities that your son can engage in that he both enjoys, but also creates a sense of pride, accomplishment and community for him. Music lessons, martial arts, summer camps are all things that might work. We naturally gravitate towards the things that make us feel good. Gaming offers that promise but never actually delivers on it. So it's important to involve him in activities that make him feel good about what he's doing long after he's stopped the activity. Maybe sit down with him, organize a schedule and set some goals? Ask him about things he'd like to do that aren't games and then go about scheduling those activities with him. Find blocks of time that work for everyone, so that way he knows it's coming and there can be no excuses to not do them. You will probably meet some resistance at first; handle this compassionately. Ultimately he has to agree to anything on his own or it won't last very long. Also, most importantly, don't actually take the games away. This will never, ever work. It will only create feelings of hatred within him. If you can both agree that he can continue playing games during certain hours, as long as he also participates in other activities, he will have to agree with you. Like I said, there will likely be some resistance to it at first, but I think he will come around. The unfortunate thing about this kind of situation is that your son isn't even aware, most likely, of the damage he is doing to himself. If he's anything like me, he may wait until his 20's until he realizes he needs to change, and at that point it's extremely difficult. He's really lucky to have a parent that cares enough about him to try to do something about it. Best of luck!
  11. Hey, one thing I've learned so far is that passion for things isn't just something you have, you have to cultivate it. You do this by figuring out what it is you want to do, what really excites you, and then going out and investing in that thing. The more you invest into something, the more it means to you. Think about all those hours you spent gaming before you realized you needed to quit. Would you say you were passionate about playing those games? I know I sure did, for a long time at least. The more of yourself and your time and energy you invest into something, the more you care about it and don't want to let it go. If that's not passion, then I don't know what is. Just spend some time doing various activities and figure out what interests you. You're going to run into some duds (I sure did!), but you'll find a few things that you really connect with. Maybe it's writing, maybe it's hiking, maybe it's rock climbing. The point is that you just have to go out and do stuff. The things that you find you keep thinking about when you're not doing them, those are the things that you'll likely get really excited and passionate about once you get really good at them. Cheers brother, best of luck!
  12. It's been a very slow process but I can feel myself connecting more with real life stuff. I decided I wanted to give it a real shot at becoming an author and for the first time maybe ever, I'm starting to feel the resistance against that dream by my inner critic wither away. A lot of my self talk used to be extremely negative but it's gotten much, much better and I'm better able to handle the negativity that does come up. Cravings for non-gaming stuff are easier to deal with (craving, fast food). I also feel I'm a much kinder, more patient person as well.
  13. This is something I learned a long time ago. Do not beat yourself up over a perceived failure. The irony about being extremely hard on yourself is that it often tends to lead to even further regression. Just accept that it's OK and do better next time.
  14. That's a good point. I've done that exercise before. I imagine myself on my death bed, not having even attempted the things I was most passionate about because of fear or what have you, and usually what I feel is a total sense of dread. That person who is so successful at the thing that I wanted to do - that could have been me! When you really allow yourself to feel into that vision, it makes it really hard to justify NOT going for the thing you dream about.
  15. So as I posted in another thread, yesterday I forgot to go to the gym because I was busy playing video games. I fully intended to, but forgot until about 9 PM, when I turned off the game to get ready for bed. In other words, when I unplugged from the game and plugged back in to real life. I need to change my mindset towards down time. So many things I want to do, like reading and writing, just feel like work. I need to find a way to experience joy from doing those things, among others, and place less emphasis on being entertained. If anyone has any ideas for how to actually do this, I'd really appreciate the help. Specifically, @Cam Adair, maybe you have some suggestions? Maybe this is something worth making a video about?
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