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Dear Diary...


BooksandTrees
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fantastic report! that's all great stuff to hear I think you have a very firm handle on things. Myself lately doing great thank you recently have been taking a bit of notes on neuroscience podcasts regarding sleep / light exposure / circadian rhythm then using some applied science in my life it is so good life is great.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I find that I can easily slip back into day dreaming.

This uncovers an underlying issue. Constant self-improvement tires you out if you aren’t finding new meaningful connections.

Thats why I can perfect a job, but when my proficiency level makes it effortless to perform day to day activities, its very hard to resist dreaming. I also feel like fear and hope constantly undermine my potential. So being more aware makes me braver in attempting the important goals. 

Eating and exercise are of crucial importance, because they keep your awareness and motivation alive.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Things are going well overall. I've bought a house and I've been improving relationships with my parents and family. It's been quite the relief. 

Things with my fiancee have been wonderful. She's been so loving and caring. I'm very lucky. 

It's been a pretty exhausting couple of weeks which is why I haven't posted. Work has been busy, the house stuff is tiring, and I've had so many friends and family trying to hang out and see me. I'm trying to fit it all in but I'm very tired. 

Ironically, the reason I'm posting right now is because I don't feel well and I'm up late. I can't sleep due too a migraine and I've got some stomach pain. I'm very scared of feeling sick so I'm just going through my practice of anxiety relief and trying not to panic. I have a slight suspicion of being food poisoned so I'm praying that's not the case and it's just dehydration from a very active day with not enough water. 

I hope you're all doing well. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

What a huge couple of weeks. We moved into our house, sold one condo, and got my security deposit back from my old apartment. It feels nice to move on and let those two go so I can focus on one. 

Relationship is going well. We took engagement photos and have been focusing on communication, support, and giving love. 

Lots of family members are offering to help do stuff at our house which is nice, but overwhelming. We want to do do a lot ourselves and just relax a bit. They're understanding though. 

Hobbies are slightly stagnant because of having everything packed up, but I'm spending my time by cleaning, unpacking, and house projects. It's nice and I don't have any cravings. 

Work is great. Getting busy and I'm doing better with my boss after a few misunderstandings. We had a polite conversation about it and moved on. If there's one skill I know I have, it's communication lol.

Hope you're doing well. 

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On 6/26/2022 at 7:40 AM, BooksandTrees said:

. We had a polite conversation about it and moved on. If there's one skill I know I have, it's communication lol.

Hell yes! So happy for you, that is a skill so many people don't prioritize or have so much trouble improving. Glad you're doing better 🙂

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On 7/2/2022 at 10:36 AM, Pochatok said:

Hell yes! So happy for you, that is a skill so many people don't prioritize or have so much trouble improving. Glad you're doing better 🙂

Thank you very much! I'll be in touch on your journal soon. Sorry for being away and great hearing from you. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I had a week off from work and had a lot of fun with family and friends. I got a lot of stuff done on my house and did hobbies. 

I went back to work and instantly got depressed and stress ate even when I wasn't hungry. I gave up gaming and porn and now it's food. Right when I get stressed I March to the kitchen. 

I've bought tons of healthier food, but even if it's healthy, consuming extra calories is still gonna hit. 

I need some sort of activity that I can do when I'm anxious or fidgety. I considered gum but I'm concerned how it'd impact my teeth. Maybe hand grips or something?

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I think I might be on to something that can help you. In my opinion, rather than being "fidgety" or anxious, you are struggling to rest effectively due to stress from your work. Depression and addiction have a hand in this.

What I have been trying is meditation in the form of talking to myself like I'm talking to a hurt kid (that I am). I admit my mistakes, acknowledge that I feel hurt when my colleagues or bosses were mean, then I say I love the kid, is willing to hold him, cry with him, etc. Then I just do some yoga breath. I have found that resting for 10 minutes this way, almost immediately after coming home from work, gives me more clarity and peace in the evening than eating, music, movies or anything that can be clasified as distractions.

Granted, I am still struggling to give up gaming 100%. And at the end of the day, I need to work on my stress (do something to make sure I learn from my mistakes, have better skills, etc). Sort of like letting the kid know he won't be hurt again, or at least this time I'll be stronger.

Hope it helps

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I won't recommend gum or hand grips, if it's done too much, it has negative effects (jaw, hands). Try to relax during 10min, sitting down or lying down, in silence or with a relaxing music. Easier said than done if we're too stressed ^^

Or if you need action (it seems so), put some music you like, and dance !

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On 7/13/2022 at 5:25 AM, BooksandTrees said:

I went back to work and instantly got depressed and stress ate even when I wasn't hungry. I gave up gaming and porn and now it's food. Right when I get stressed I March to the kitchen. 

I've bought tons of healthier food, but even if it's healthy, consuming extra calories is still gonna hit. 

I need some sort of activity that I can do when I'm anxious or fidgety. I considered gum but I'm concerned how it'd impact my teeth. Maybe hand grips or something?

What the heck, I wonder how true leaders cope with stress, because they obviously can’t do anything disruptive to themselves.

What sort of coping techniques does Cam suggest? Reading a book or watching something won’t work for me. I know I will need better copin techniques in the years to come. 

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I know that some situations won't let you take a proper break and require some fidgeting to stay in control in the moment; but I do agree with other folks to strive to use other techniques when possible. "The Charisma Myth" offers a few very good techniques for better coping!

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On 7/12/2022 at 7:25 PM, BooksandTrees said:

I had a week off from work and had a lot of fun with family and friends. I got a lot of stuff done on my house and did hobbies. 

I went back to work and instantly got depressed and stress ate even when I wasn't hungry. I gave up gaming and porn and now it's food. Right when I get stressed I March to the kitchen. 

I've bought tons of healthier food, but even if it's healthy, consuming extra calories is still gonna hit. 

I need some sort of activity that I can do when I'm anxious or fidgety. I considered gum but I'm concerned how it'd impact my teeth. Maybe hand grips or something?

If you're gonna chew gum, go with sugar free, specifically containing xylitol. It's actually good for your teeth because it tricks bacteria into eating it and then they die lol.

I recommend something that keeps your hands busy but is also a project you can continuously work on. Doodling, especially mandala, is that for me. Knitting and crochet are also really popular for this. Some people do diamond paintings. There's also adult coloring. Get those hands busy!!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks for the responses everyone. I've once again been away doing a ton of house stuff, work projects, and much more. 

I interviewed for a new job and didn't get it. I wasn't really interested in it and they could tell.

I've taken a lot of time to do nothing and embrace boredom actually. Last week I finished all my projects at work and a ton of stuff at home. I just wanted to take some time this weekend to recharge, reset, and do nothing. I ended up using the whole weekend for this. No goals, no hobbies, no checklists. I exercised, cleaned, self care, read, cook, spend time with my fiancee, and sleep. I feel a lot better. 

I am having a conversation with my boss Monday about how he snaps and says mean things abs we'll see how it goes. 

I haven't written on here in weeks because it just feels like work. Even writing now feels like work. I think that means I'm busy as hell and need to relax. So I'll continue this. 

I haven't over eaten in weeks since that post. I've taken time to draw, stretch, relax, and accept the situation a little. 

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5 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

This comeback is more satisfying than having my team win the world cup. You have a habit of bouncing back, keep it up.

Thanks. I'm feeling better and less burnt out. I'm still burnt out but I feel capable instead of frozen. 

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