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BooksandTrees

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I made a lot of progress at work today and spent a lot of rejuvenating time with my wife and family the past few nights after work. It's nice. I've just felt tired and wanted some cozy time. 

I started reading a new book yesterday and hated it after 50 pages so I stopped. I found a new one that I'll try this weekend. 

My garden is coming along nicely with a good mix of fruits and vegetables. I'm seeing friends tomorrow and excited for that. And I might try to write tonight. 

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6 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I started reading a new book yesterday and hated it after 50 pages so I stopped. I found a new one that I'll try this weekend. 

I feel you. It's a bore to read a book that is not interesting. I haven't read seriously for about two months, just because the book I borrowed isn't all that entertaining. I need to pick up a new one from the library.

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I found a new book to read and my back is almost healed. So I'll be exercising again. 

I noticed I struggle a decent amount at work when I hit a stopping point and need an urgent answer. That's when my cravings become strongest. 

It makes sense because I need instant relief from something I'm struggling with. I think I can do a better job of finding something to do around the house. 

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4 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Matt, if we’d have a part in an election campaign, what sort of slogan would you come up with?

I thought of “smartphone - dumb person. Smart person- dumb phone”

Labels people who use phones in a bad light so I can't do that lol.

I don't like slogans because everyone and everything is different. Sorry lol.

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I'm not putting enough effort into preventing my snack cravings. I'm eating when I'm not hungry and I'm gaining weight. I want to pause and train myself to not eat out of boredom or stress. I think the first few days will be hardest but I know if I train myself to listen to music or move around or draw etc when I'm stressed I can succeed. Meditation too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Been an extremely busy few weeks. Tons of travel, some family emergencies, covid, tons of deadlines at work, etc. 

I've been trying to stay balanced by maintaining a good sleep schedule, patience with my thoughts, and spreaking about things that are bothering me in a constructive way. 

My writing coach has loved my book so far. I haven't been able to write in a while but I'd like to try this weekend. I'm still bummed about my weight but I've done better by not overeating the past few weeks. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
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I didn't get to write this weekend but it was very restorative. I meal prepped, slept a ton, did house projects and cleaned. It just felt very therapeutic. I also played the drums for the first time in a year and was terrible, but I just listened to music and hit the drums however I wanted and had fun. 

I think I'm finally losing my fear of not being perfect. 

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Had a really good meeting with my writing coach. My book is coming along well. I'm very burnt out otherwise but I've been trying my best to do at least one or two cleaning chores a day and getting at least half a strong work day in instead of losing the whole day to ruminating. 

It's tough when I'm in a depressed episode like this, but I think staying neutral and not forcing positive thoughts is helping. I'm just doing one little thing here or there until something starts rolling and I notice I'm productive for longer than 10 minutes. 

I've started declining a lot of needless family and friend events. I think people need to understand as we get older, our social circle changes. People with families branch off and going to random friends 1 year old kid birthdays Isn't achievable by most, nor is it worth their time. The older we get, the more commitments and responsibilities we have and is important that we set time aside for mental and physical restoration to counteract the stress from these added commitments. 

If not, we may find ourselves finding quick fixes to cope with added stress... gaming, porn, drugs, alcohol, sleep, social media and YouTube apps, TV, etc. 

Disconnect is healthy and important. You don't have to go camping in the woods, but you do have to take a few minutes here and there to do nothing, accept boredom, and process your day, every day. 

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21 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Had a really good meeting with my writing coach. My book is coming along well. I'm very burnt out otherwise but I've been trying my best to do at least one or two cleaning chores a day and getting at least half a strong work day in instead of losing the whole day to ruminating. 

It's tough when I'm in a depressed episode like this, but I think staying neutral and not forcing positive thoughts is helping. I'm just doing one little thing here or there until something starts rolling and I notice I'm productive for longer than 10 minutes. 

I have a story to share regarding forcing positive thoughts/toxic positivity:

Almost three years ago, I met a guy who was on his way to becoming a financial advisor. He got me to join his gig with him and I was a part of his team for a while. I eventually quit, because the job required me to do too many things I didn't like or cared about.

I believe a part of me quitting was his toxic positivity. This guy was just always happy to start a new project, excited to do phone calls, attend another team-building etc. During one of the longer travels we had together, I told him he's like the Terminator.

I don't think he asked me to elaborate or maybe he even took it as a compliment. The reason why I said that was because he never had a problem. He never complained. Because of that, I never really believed him. He just seemed too perfect to be real and that's why I never connected with him as a person. I spent quite some time with him, but I never got to know him because of his facade.

I believe he is successful now and quite well off. He's also a very potent meme in my closest circle of friends, because they know him too, as he makes effort to make himself visible in the region.

My decision to stop working with him also saved me thousands or even millions down the road that'd have gone into his pockets or banks offering inefficient financial services. The awareness of cheap and effective investment vehicles is miserable in Czechia, even though they are available. I wish we had an IRA or 401(k) like you do in the US, although thankfully at least some domestic competition to big banks has sprung up recently. That's why I am working on setting up my financial blog, although I'm struggling with allocating time to this project 😞 

21 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I've started declining a lot of needless family and friend events. I think people need to understand as we get older, our social circle changes. People with families branch off and going to random friends 1 year old kid birthdays Isn't achievable by most, nor is it worth their time. The older we get, the more commitments and responsibilities we have and is important that we set time aside for mental and physical restoration to counteract the stress from these added commitments. 

If not, we may find ourselves finding quick fixes to cope with added stress... gaming, porn, drugs, alcohol, sleep, social media and YouTube apps, TV, etc. 

Disconnect is healthy and important. You don't have to go camping in the woods, but you do have to take a few minutes here and there to do nothing, accept boredom, and process your day, every day. 

100% on having more responsibility as we get older. It's crucial to be able to say "yes" to yourself and "no" to others, and to mean it, if need be.

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14 hours ago, Ikar said:

I have a story to share regarding forcing positive thoughts/toxic positivity:

Almost three years ago, I met a guy who was on his way to becoming a financial advisor. He got me to join his gig with him and I was a part of his team for a while. I eventually quit, because the job required me to do too many things I didn't like or cared about.

I believe a part of me quitting was his toxic positivity. This guy was just always happy to start a new project, excited to do phone calls, attend another team-building etc. During one of the longer travels we had together, I told him he's like the Terminator.

I don't think he asked me to elaborate or maybe he even took it as a compliment. The reason why I said that was because he never had a problem. He never complained. Because of that, I never really believed him. He just seemed too perfect to be real and that's why I never connected with him as a person. I spent quite some time with him, but I never got to know him because of his facade.

I believe he is successful now and quite well off. He's also a very potent meme in my closest circle of friends, because they know him too, as he makes effort to make himself visible in the region.

My decision to stop working with him also saved me thousands or even millions down the road that'd have gone into his pockets or banks offering inefficient financial services. The awareness of cheap and effective investment vehicles is miserable in Czechia, even though they are available. I wish we had an IRA or 401(k) like you do in the US, although thankfully at least some domestic competition to big banks has sprung up recently. That's why I am working on setting up my financial blog, although I'm struggling with allocating time to this project 😞 

100% on having more responsibility as we get older. It's crucial to be able to say "yes" to yourself and "no" to others, and to mean it, if need be.

It's very exhausting being positive when it's not natural. I think people mistake positivity for just being neutral and not being negative. Like you can just do your job, get it done, and still receive positive results without going into it with a fake wave of enthusiasm. It's more draining than being around a negative person because at least that person is being honest lol.

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This week was pretty exhausting emotionally. I'm very tired today. I'm not used to being part of a family that is always communicating. My family wasn't close growing up and I stopped talking to most. I grew up in solitude unless I chose to socialize. Right now there's a lot of socializing with my wife's family. They're very nice people and nothing bad is happening. I'm just not used to it so I can be overwhelmed easily. 

We've had good discussions about allowing me some quiet time and space because I'm not used to it. She's been great communicating with me. I think it's just gonna take me some time to adjust. 

I've also lost a few pounds so that is uplifting. Work is good and I'm gonna try writing this weekend. 

I've been drawing a bit too.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's been an up and down few days but better overall. We went to my wife's family house for almost a week. It started off bad like the one I mentioned a couple months ago but we had some very fair and impactful conversations that first night and it changed things. 

We both saw how each other was feeling from their perspective and met in the middle. The rest of the trip went well. 

I also wrote another chapter of my book and met with my writing coach. I'm on vacation this week so I'd like to get another chapter written, but I won't put too much pressure on myself because I need to rest and recover as well. 

I've been doing a much better job of eating only when I'm hungry and doing the HALTED acronym for when I stress eat. It's nice because the first letter is hungry and I can rule that out immediately. 

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I think I'm learning to deal with anger pretty well. Someone in her family really upset me a few times, honestly everytime I go to their vacation home. I've usually stress eaten and gotten upset but this time I'm not. 

I just stand my ground and eat normally. No game cravings or porn. I'm just isolating a bit, talking with my wife, deep breathing, and listening to music. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

All of the events from family get togethers and new work responsibilities have been a bit exhausting mentally. I work on dealing with my anger and frustration in a constructive way but sometimes I don't have enough time to do it.

I finally had to tell people that I need a few minutes alone to decompress and defragment my mind a bit so I'm not holding on to so much data. They handled it well and I'm seeing the results. It's nice. 

Haven't been productive with hobbies but we've done a lot of house projects so that's nice. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been very stressed lately. Work has been pretty exhausting and I'm at a point where I'm afraid to log in sometimes and work on this one specific project that is very hard. I'm stressed because I'm designing 3 things that I've never done before and it's tough making sure you've covered your bases and have all the correct information. So I'm just kind of making sure I have everything I need. The math itself isn't stressful. It's just the process. I also can't seem to make a lot of progress because I have people always asking me questions. I'm going to set up fake meetings I think for an hour or two just to get a good block of time on these.

I'm tired in general and haven't been sleeping great. I switched my pillow because I noticed my neck was hurting when I woke up. I've gotten much better sleep ever since the switch.

I wrote another chapter of my book and I did some exercise outside on Saturday. It felt nice. 

I've found my sex drive to be very low. I'm not interested in it that much and I am extremely tired/bored of porn and my usage of it has dwindled considerably. I sometimes wonder if I have lowered testosterone levels or something recently. I have a doctor appointment next week for a physical so I'll ask about it then.

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Definitely get your testosterone tested - there are 3 levels you want to look at. When you get your results, look it up online. Your doctor might tell you that you're within the averages but the averages have been being lowered over the years as testosterone levels have been lowering overall. Just something to look into more. You can also get your iron and thyroid checked - one of those can be impacting your fatigue and sex drive. I've been on a similar journey. Godspeed!

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6 hours ago, Cam Adair said:

Definitely get your testosterone tested - there are 3 levels you want to look at. When you get your results, look it up online. Your doctor might tell you that you're within the averages but the averages have been being lowered over the years as testosterone levels have been lowering overall. Just something to look into more. You can also get your iron and thyroid checked - one of those can be impacting your fatigue and sex drive. I've been on a similar journey. Godspeed!

Thank you. It's been really odd. I just have to force the feeling of wanting sex sometimes. It's tough because I'm extremely attracted to my wife and love her tremendously. So it can be frustrating when my drive is low. I think low drive could be why i preferred slow games.

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I want to say something, if you quit video games, you may have not quit the games completely.

I was a fan of boxing matches throughout my youth and visited boxing tournaments. There is such a thing that the commentators call “forcing your fight on the opponent”. This is when the opponent is put into a   disadvantageous position when he is going to have his ups and downs, but on the whole it is a lost fight for him. If he doesn’t find that thread, or trick how to transition the fight to a different kind, his opponent will dominate.

One athlete also said that your body sort of knows what you are going to put it through, and prepares in advance to eliminate any chance of growth. This is when the athlete hits a plateau and cannot rise above a certain level. To get rid of that athletes put their bodies in shock (ofcourse they have to be sure not to cause themselves permanent health problems)

Now on to your post, the stress mounted over time. Could it have been because you haven’t reacted early by changing things around or that changes have been too small?

This is me thinking out loud to try and steer you more towards analysis, although you may already have figured this out.  how long has it been since your last vacation Matt? 

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