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About GrainSiloEnthusiast

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  1. Today is day 78. Wow. I decided to aim for a whole year game-free. While I still have the intention to never play again, breaking it down into smaller chunks is more manageable. I bought a word search book from the dollar store. I feel like such a hipster, opting for a physical version of something very easy to get digitally and for free. But I knew I desperately needed more off-screen activities, and I missed doing word searches! Maybe I'll try crossword puzzles and sudoku too... I've been listening to a lot of audiobooks. I absorb the information better when listening to books
  2. I would be interested in hearing more about your beliefs, I enjoy learning about other religions and cultures. Here or private message, either is fine, whatever you're most comfortable with! I'm very glad I didn't offend you because you are right that truly is not my intention, I just needed to get those things off my chest. It's always good to hear from you and I'm very grateful for your reply 🙂
  3. Today is day 70. Despite everything, I still haven't gamed. I've considered it, then remembered that I will just get bored immediately. And if I don't, I'll just start spending all day gaming and not doing anything productive which will just make me feel worse. That's actually why I asked the question, what do mentally stable people do, because I realized all my go-to "coping" mechanisms for despair are all very unhealthy behaviors. I used to cut myself, hit myself, have meltdowns, game the days away, scroll the days away, binge watch the days away, spend money frivolously, use drugs or
  4. A lot of things. My baby is uh still dead and that's still a fresh wound that was recently reopened because I only Just had my menstrual cycle again for the first time since the surgery to remove the pregnancy remnants. Constant arguments with my partner about seemingly everything. Relapsed on marijuana not too long ago, after 20 months of no drugs or alcohol at all, quit again immediately but its been trying to pull me back in. Nope, not even sure when that will be an option either. Therapists are pretty busy right now given Everyone is suffering and going stir crazy... And I'm picky.
  5. how do mentally healthy people cope with despair? i am not mentally healthy, my mind immediately wants to run away, kill myself, use drugs, spend excessively, ANYTHING to escape. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
  6. I forgot to mention, I picked up a new hobby: bullet journaling. Well, kind of. I don't really use the "bullet" part (because bullet journaling actually refers to a method of journaling, it's not referring to the dotted notebooks most people use.) I have mostly just been doing the trackers and what not in a dotted journal. I have habit trackers, a daily memories log, and a gratitude log. I do also make a monthly calendar to track events and things I need to do on certain days, but I don't really use my journal like a weekly planner. I'm still figuring out what works for me, which is why it's g
  7. Today is day 52. I've been hanging in there. I don't really have any desire to play games. When my detox is up I do plan on installing a mahjong app, but as I've said before I don't really count digital versions of games that have physical real life counterparts as video games. (Not to say they can't cause problems, there are people addicted to online chess. But they have never been a problem for me personally, and I don't really feel like buying a real life mahjong set hahaha.) I sent my clean date for drugs on July 5th. I only smoked on June 30th and July 1st but the brain fog c
  8. We, my wife and I, relapsed. Not on video games. We smoked weed. Yesterday, first time, was fine. Good even. Today, as I expected would happen soon or later, I took it too far and got too high and freaked out. I had that rock-bottom spiritual awakening my mom warned me comes not when everything is fine and dandy but when we've lost everything. I'm still in the process of coming down and I feel shaken to the core. I finally remember why I quit in the first place. "god" picked me up by the shoulders and shook me, showed me exactly what I'm messing with. As terrifying as this nigh
  9. I'm having a dark night of the soul. I don't know if this forum helps me at all either...
  10. We made the choice to let go. I'm going to log out of here for a while.
  11. My wife and I are strongly considering giving up on trying to have a child. We both want a child intensely, but we're not sure we want to go through everything again. There's also undeniable freedoms that come with not having children... Everything sucks and everything is difficult. I want to disappear. Still don't want to game though, silver lining i guess lol...
  12. Hard agree. Been there done that, long distance sucks. Trust me, you don't really know the person until you've met them in person. Some people have made it work, good for them. But I would argue that the majority of the time it's not a good idea. Long-distance friendship sure, keep it platonic until you can actually spend a significant amount of time with them in person.
  13. I recommend something like taking up an instrument or drawing, some sort of creative endeavor that doesn't involve screens. I know that creating a documentary is a creative endeavor, but I know a lot of it involves computers and stuff. Now, don't be afraid that you don't have "talent", talent doesn't matter. Some people are naturally gifted, but it doesn't matter how gifted you are if you don't work. I know from personal experience. Once I stop being better than all the other kids, I let that get to me and I stopped drawing. I had to work really hard just to get back to being average. Pla
  14. Today is day 34. Today I bought a new sketchbook. Although I have another sketchbook already, it is a mixed media sketchbook that I will primarily use alcohol markers and watercolors with... Therefore it's not great for art on the go, and I needed something for on the go. So we went to Hobby Lobby and I picked up a cheap 5.5''x5.5'' (~14cm x 14cm) sketchbook that fits nicely in my little backpack and it doesn't feel "precious" at all so I'm less afraid of "ruining" it (with my "shitty" art lol.) Right now my only goal on my goal tracker app is for my detox. I'm not ready to jump into