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I get your struggles. I have not the best relationship with my sisters either. Also in the last few years I was under pressure to amass the money necessary, to pay the costs of immigration (it gets expesive when 1 US $ = 6 BRL). Unfortunately, life is unfair and sometimes unpleasant. However, giving in to gaming or any other compulsion won't make it any better. I sincerely, hope you the best in your journey.

 

PS: I like how you pick things to be grateful about everyday.

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12 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

I took a new med and it made me feel like I could moderate gaming. Which is probably not true. It's just an incorrect feeling. In the 31 years I gamed I would say it was apparent that once I gamed I was in an intense obsessive addiction to the game. There was no healthy moderating happening.

You're a therapist, right? You really believe feelings can be incorrect? That's coming from somewhere... though of course, "I can moderate gaming" is a hypothesis, not a feeling. What's the underlying feeling? Hope? Optimism?

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@dasvira Thanks man. I like to put 10 things I'm grateful for as a good habit I learned from Cam. I hope things work out well enough with our sisters. I gave her the netflix password, which I figured is appropriate seeing as she pays the mortgage on the house I'm living in. And yeah giving in to gaming is a bad idea.

@DaBest Thanks. I hope the new job works out and I Get lots of hours relatively quickly. I like chilling with people. That's the best part of the job for me. It's kind of therapeutic for me to just chill and hang out with people once you get past all the issues and the learning. It's just hanging out with a friend really.

@codepants Yeah I'm a resident in counseling. I guess you could say I'm a therapist in some capacity although that's kind of reserved for people who are licensed technically. I'd say the feeling is mild mania. The med was making me feel hyper so I think it was a sort of grandiose effect taking place that made me feel like I could moderate games and do other improbable things. Like when manic people think they can fly.

@ceponatiaThank you sir. It's been a good one. And here's to another good one to come.

Positive: Big butt tv installed

Hoorah. I now have a 70" Vizio tv in my living room. This is awesome. I think I might want a little higher stand for it, but I'm gonna try out the one I already have and see if I can get used to it. CNET did say this was the ideal height for a large tv like this. I really enjoy having this giant tv so far. I can't wait to get home and watch it tonight. Loving that tv.

So I have three jobs now. One is my old job the other is Li job and the new one is Ja job. So it's a lot of paperwork to deal with to get all these clients on board and make sure everything is going well. It's a real pain in the butt. And the nuts thing is I'm thinking about adding a fourth job. This is because it takes forever to get client hours as a therapist so I'm thinking if I can start two jobs and have them both build up I'll get to 30+ hours that much faster. I had an interview yesterday that I didn't like the energy of. Had me sleeping not so good afterwards. I'll hopefully get another interview with a different company as I've been emailing with them. So yeah I hope that works out and there's good energy there.

I smiled at my lamp

I accomplished making food

I am grateful for turkey, lamp, food, yogurt, chinese, japanese, spanish, rug, frills, blu,e, peach

God bless

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
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Hey 

I'm sorry you didn't like the energy interview, i hope you are able to get a fourth job and get to the 30+ hours. The other job you're looking at seems pretty positive, i wish you luck. Besides that i'm glad you got a new tv!

 

Jason

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Congratulations on 1 year without games buddy! That is amazing achievement! Keep up the good work. I am super happy for you.

The tv sounds awesome. I would love some bigger screen too, currently all I have is a small laptop screen haha. But well, there is not much space in my student accomodation. How is your progress towards licensure? Well if you get only few hours per job then maybe it might not be such an insane idea to get a fourth one. Either way good luck! 

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@Jason70 Thanks. I didn't get the best energy from my newest job but it might be bearable I dunno. And I've got an interview next wednesday that might go well. This is the biggest tv I've had.

@Marek Thanks bro. I can understand not having room for a tv. I was pretty happy with my 40" but then I saw how cheap tv's at walmart were and decided to upgrade. I've only gotten a few hours more towards licensure but I am earning 4 supervision hours a week now which is a ton. So as long as that continues and works out then I'll be finishing my supervision within a year which is like half the normal time. Now I just have to get the work hours in possibly through having 3 jobs that add up to 30 hours.

@Lampshade nice

Positive: end of the work week for the most part

I've still got to submit a progress note that's lagging in the system due to some stuff outside my control. But other than that I'll be able to chill after today so that's nice. Time to hang out with my new tv and get some exercise for once. Gosh I really hope that one of these meds I try works out and I can get back to sleeping less because I seriously have no time to exercise or take care of myself much. Like just barely. So yeah. I got subway coupons in the mail. Gonna buy some subway discounted 1$ aw yeah.

I smiled at my post

I accomplished taking slippers off on the rug

I am grateful for post, rug, aliens, big heads, little heads, medium heads, phone, screens, supergirl, cat grant

God bless

 

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Positive: We got darkening blinds for the living room

So my mom went all out and got darkening/sound dampening blinds for the living room because I was concerned about glare on the TV. So now I guess there won't be much glare on it. The sound is not so great on big tv's. The sound effects and music are loud and the dialogue is quiet. The dialogue is my favorite part so it's kind of an issue for me. I'm thinking about getting a soundbar to try and remedy this problem. Maybe it'll work. Hm. Well I think I Got screwed out of 3 hours of work. There weren't authorizations for my client but I went to see them anyways not knowing. So I guess they're just not going to pay me for those 3 hours of work. Which is pretty shady. But I've learned my lesson. I'll check authorizations before I go to see clients from now on and not go if there are no auth. It's just a crappy part of the system really.

I'm struggling with thoughts of gaming as I often am. But I'm kind of used to struggling with thoughts of it. It's like the GQ grind is to resist gaming continually.

I smiled at my step ladder

I accomplished sleeping

I am grateful for step ladder, sleep, mom, interpretations, people, remote, new tv, flash doll, outside, blinds,

God bless

Edited by TheNewMe2.0
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Positive: getting japanese food tonight

So we're going to go to a sushi place and I'm gonna get a bul go gi don buri bowl. It'll probably be good enough. I'd like to get the lobster roll too but that'd be kind of pricey. So probably just the meat and rice. I could get a bento but it comes with a fried potato and I can't eat fried so it's kind of wasting some food idk if I want to do that.

So bad news. I masturbated again after a week. I haven't been able to make it past a week lately. Yeah. I just get hot in bed and lose control. Last night I had pretty much given up on trying to stop because it just felt so impossible to keep quitting. But the morning after I felt all tired and lethargic. I realized I like it a lot more when I don't masturbate because I feel more alive and full of life. I'm kind of sad that I'm struggling so much with masturbation. I hope nofap gets easier for me.

I smiled at my mom

I accomplished eating caramel to use it up even though I don't like caramel much

I am grateful for mom, caramel, coconut candy, leaves, fence, fence post, wood, treets, sticks, brush,

God Bless

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On 12/4/2020 at 3:13 PM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

@Marek Thanks bro. I can understand not having room for a tv. I was pretty happy with my 40" but then I saw how cheap tv's at walmart were and decided to upgrade. I've only gotten a few hours more towards licensure but I am earning 4 supervision hours a week now which is a ton. So as long as that continues and works out then I'll be finishing my supervision within a year which is like half the normal time. Now I just have to get the work hours in possibly through having 3 jobs that add up to 30 hours.

That is true. I would love to have a bigger place for myself. Essentially have at least one extra room that I could use as an office and then have bedroom or a common room with a tv to just have a chill time. Currently in shared house, just having a single room is bit hard for me to designate time to work/fun. On the topic of licensure ... that is awesome, I am happy for you that things are turning for the better. Well doing anything in half the time is no easy feat so keep it up! 

The blinds are great, makes the contrast on screen much better. I find soundbars too expensive for what they offer tbh, they do look super cool. But any good speaker set will solve your issue. Moreover you can set them out to make your own home cinema. Thoughts about gaming are truly annoying but you are doing great so stay strong! 

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I get what you're saying. It would be nice to have an office and a living room. I currently just use my living room as my office and do all my work on the couch with a laptop. It's pretty nice. It's like one of the few places I can sit without my back hurting. I can imagine fitting everything into your room is kind of cooped up. For my license I'm probably going to get another job and just work it for a year while my outpatient hours build up and then quit after a year. So that's kind of not good for the company I work for next but I guess it's what I've got to do to earn hours. I am getting more clients at my outpatient job so that's good it's just slow going. I wanted to get a soundbar because it's easier to set up and use than a set of speakers. I guess I could look into that. I got kind of triggered yesterday when I had to take a client to buy a gaming mouse and saw his room covered in gaming decorations. Ugh. Gotta stay strong.

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Positive: Mom cleaned the stove

So my relationship with my mom is like. Loving and nice and then she blows up on me about work and is totally unchill. Then it repeats. And no matter how many times I talk to her she never changes. It's pretty crappy. Also she shames me for watching tv which is the only thing I can do to pass time besides exercise and eat. It's far from a perfect relationship. But it's not the worst. It's also the only relationship I have. She cleans everything except my bathroom which I have to clean. And she cooks even if it sometimes lacks protein. And as I've mentioned she pays for everything for me which is nice and uncommon for 32 year olds living at home.

I applied for food stamps. But I'm gonna cancel them because I make enough money that I don't really qualify for them. And pretty soon it'll be on the books that I make that much money so I don't really want to deal with just having stamps for three months and having to cancel. So I'll just not get them in the first place. Trying to get my health insurance rate reduced failed. Sadly they did nothing to reduce my rate. While they reduced my moms over sixty percent. No fair. I really could use that money to pay off my student debt. Which is going to start accruing interest again in January unfortunately. I sneeze a lot of times when I sneeze. It's like a long chain of maybe 5 sneezes usually.

I got triggered pretty bad going to best buy yesterday to buy a gaming mouse with my client. Seeing the gaming computers made me think about gaming again. It was especially bad with the PC's because I used to pay games on a PC most of the time. Seeing all the video games and consoles wasn't as bad because I didn't use those as much. I went to sleep still thinking about the computer they had on display. But today I'm feeling alright enough. So I guess I'll just keep on going and not gaming.

My Mozilla browser doesn't auto correct my typing so if I make errors I have to manually correct them or just least them like I do sometimes. It's kind of a mission to type everything correctly but this is still the best browser to use because safari squishes the text over to the left. Long post today as I don't have to leave for work until 1040 instead of the usual 1015 departure.

I smiled at blinds

I accomplished sleeping

I am grateful for blinds, sleep, heater, central heating, back support, reclieners, client, client family, couch, dcs legends,

God bless

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Positive: interviews I guess

So I got more interviews to dos. I'm not really looking forward to them, but I dunno maybe I can find another job that I don't mind working at and earn hours toward my license. Blah. We'll see how it all goes I guess. I'm not making any hours as is right now. Well exactly one hour per week and I'm needing 25 hours a week so. Not really making much progress here as I have no new hours this week. They said they'd refer me people eventually I suppose. I revamped my psych today profile so that's looking a bit better, gonna add a video too. I got a soundbar to try to fix the messed up audio on my new tv. Hopefully it works. It hads a built in roku which is cool. I could use it to watch my hero accademia.

I smiled at yan wei

I accomplished getting a soundbar

I am grateful for yan wei, construction, workers, soundbar, onn, roku, mha, aot, water, drug free,

God bless

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Positive: I am working one hour a week supervised now

Well. I am getting one hour towards licensure a week now. So that's progress but it's not much. It's also a totally crappy hour that I have to deal with. The client is wildy depressed and drones on the whole time about how miserable he is. All he wants to do is tell me he's depressed in 100 different ways the whole time. It sucks to listen to. Also I haven't been able to get a chair because my back is so sensitive I can't find anything other than the family room couch to sit on otherwise my back hurts. So I'm stuck doing sessions in the living room with no privacy and my mom hears the sessions. It's all bad. But what can I do? This is the best I can do that's all I can do.

On the upside I got a roku soundbar. Which remedied the sound issue I was having with my tv completely. Now I can hear the dialogue so much better than before. Also I get to use roku and the roku remote powers on the tv too so it's both remotes in one. No need to use two anymore so that's nice. My mom is making the effort to cook for me lately so I have something to eat after work. It's nice of her and I'm grateful for it. I don't know what I'd eat otherwise. Probably much less healthy options and have zero free time to watch tv or exercise.

I smiled at my mom

I accomplished getting up

I am grateful for mom, bathrobe, getting up, magenta, maroon, flowers, leaves, hair. cinnamon, and my feet.

God bless

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Positive: Well it's Friday

TGIF. I've been struggling a lot due to this depressed client that I'm seeing. My mind is constantly thinking about him and in a way that's uncomfortable for me too. I don't know how to turn it off and it impedes my enjoyment of my daily activities. I'm suffering so much over something that takes 50 minutes a week to do. I don't know if I can continue seeing this client but he's my only client so I'm kind of motivated to keep him. In short this sucks really bad. I don't even enjoy tv as much because my body is getting rigid when I watch for some reason. I'm really trying here and it's not easy. I don't know if I'll keep this client maybe I'll drop them when I get one more client to take their place.

Still it's friday and I'm going to get to chill some after 3pm today when I get off work and submit my paperwork for the week. So that's nice. I'll try to deadlift and watch some Supergirl after I shower.

Things aren't going so well with job interviews. Still trying though. Hoping to find a job that will get me hours and possibly can transfer my clients over too. Because I like my IIH clients and would like to keep them after changing jobs.

I smiled at my clients

I accomplished eating kale

I am grateful for clients, kale, chard, spinach, wegmans, me, hair, eyebrows, teeth, nails, nail clippers,

God bless

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Positive: interview today

Just had a good interview yesterday where they were paying over double what I'm earning now. I'm amazed they can pay that much and that most jobs in this field earn half as much. That's just nuts difference there. Hope i get it. That job is mostly working with kids though which I have a hinderance with because I can't play board games. I can do art therapy though albeit a bit uncomfortable. I am able to do it. So we could potentially make me into a child therapist in the coming days if the job hires me. The new job today has given me a whole month or more before having me come in for an interview. Hopefully they get things done faster once you're hired or it'll be a long time coming to work for them. We'll see how this goes and what they have to offer. I want to find out what the compensation is, if they work with adults and if it's 45 minute sessions vs 3 hour sessions. I'm also having lunch with a friend which is cool because I don't have any friends aside from this one.

I smiled at job intvw

I accomplished eating chard

I am grateful for interview, job, chard, fingers, moles, hairs, veins, tendons, ligaments, spinal fluid, vertebre,

God bless

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@DaBest@dasvira Thank you guys. I hope the get the job too. My current jobs one doesn't pay well and has not chill boss. The other one I've got unchill client. I hope to get rid of the client I don't like soon. He's just wearing on my mental health too much to continue seeing but I've got to see him for now until I get at least one more client so I can still get supervision.

Positive: Taking the day off with no email or any work related nonsense

Yesterday I took a call to interview a supervisor for me. I guess it went okay. I didn't really get much of a feel for her because she just rushed through all the things we need to do to get the supervision going. But it might be okay, we'll find out if I can tolerate her once we have our first session. I'm hoping she keeps it short so I don't have to spend much time talking to her in order to clock my hours. My other supervisor will probably talk to me for 20 minutes / 1 hour session and count that as an hour. That's what I'd like to see from the new sup too. I want my free time.

So today I'm not going to do any of that crap. I'm just gonna exercise, get some things at walmart and watch a bunch of tv. That's what I'm talking about. I'd like everyday to be like that. No work and just sit on a big pile of money and chill all day everyday. That'd be the best. But in a sense it's good that I'm still working and not retired yet so I can make friends along the way. I don't really have any friends and work is my only chance to make friends so. In that sense it's good I'm still working. Really hoping to make something happen at this 2nd round interview on tuesday. God willing I'll get the job and I can quit my other two jobs. It'll go well and I'll stay at the company for a good long time. That would be awesome. I liked the part of cam's new video where he said identify your motivation. That's so important when quitting gaming is to just find out why you gamed. Then you can find replacement things that will satisfy the same needs for you.

I smiled at cam's new video

I accomplished taking the day off fully

I am grateful for food, turkey bacon, cheese, walmart, costco i guess even though it's too crowded, trees, leaves, vines, fences, and fence posts

God bless

 

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Positive: Interview tomorrow.

I hope and pray that I get the job tomorrow if the 2nd round is the final interview round. I'd be willing to work with kids for the good compensation they offer. I hope I could make it work with my art therapy and mindfulness practices. I'd probably let the kids look at their phones for a little bit as a reward for doing art therapy and meditating with me. But seeing as the sessions are only 45 minutes I think it would be possible to do 12 minutes meditation, 13 minutes drawing and they could have 20 to play around. Maybe they want to just draw random things they find on the internet. Who knows. I probably won't disclose that reinforcer in the interview though. Maybe I'll spend some more time on their website reading about them. It'd impress the interviewer to show that I've read through some of the material on their site.

My work hours are possibly going to finally count towards licensure because I just got a LPC supervisor frrom psychtoday. So hopefully things work out with her. She's only charging me 50/hour which is actually about half the going rate. So that's good. If things work out with her I'll be counting hours within a week or less. So that's great. Smiles all around. I'm still working with the difficult client but if all goes well with the job interview I might just end up quitting that job in favor of starting the new one and then I'd get to leave the difficult client. Fingers crossed.

I smiled at painting of birds and flowers

I accomplished eating brown rice for breakfast

I am grateful for paintings, birds, flowers, brown rice, breakfast, rain, sleepiness, my hero accademia, mt lady, deku,

God bless

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Positive: well I Get the day off

unfortunately one of my clients has no authorizations and their insurance company is taking forever to get back to us on if he gets more. So I'm stuck waiting for weeks now to see if I can start seeing him again. So that really sucks because I'm not getting paid and it wouldn't make sense to get a new client because what if my current client suddenly gets authorized? So I'm just stuck waiting. The upside of this is I'm not going to see him today so I get the day off. Hooray. I'm going to watch My Hero Accademia. It's going to be great. I may end up helping my mom pick up some free stuff. It's her new hobby to pick up free things from craigslist and then try to fix them up and sell them for money. She's a total hustler. Me I just want to work my job and do my hobbies really. I don't like to deal with any extra stuff even if it makes a little side money.

One of the great things about staying home is I Get to drink some of the drinks I've purchased. I have two flavors of sparkling water which are very nice. And I also have a costco pack of sugar free vitamin water which tastes very good too. It's so wonderful drinking my sugar free flavored drinks. Yum. Gotta enjoy the little things in life.

So my interview is finally here. Wish me luck GQs and thank you for already wishing me luck as you did. Much love to ya'll. If I get this job then I will have a chance to transcend my poverty level and be well paid for the first time in my life. That would be a miracle from God for sure. I've defnitely prayed enough for it and hoped. So all that's left to do is show up and do my best which I will. God willing I'll get it. They said it's 70/30 kids adults which isn't ideal for me because I prefer adults. But the good news is there are some adults. And if I work there a while maybe I could augment my load to give my kid clients to a new worker and get a bunch more adult clients instead.

All in all I would be okay with working with kids. I feel like I can build good rapport with them and that they're usually willing to do some therapeutic interventions with me. I can do art therapy and mindfulness with them. I did art therapy for the better part of a year with a client and that went well enough. I kind of prefer art therapy to just trying to draw things. I feel like there's less pressure to be technically good at art and people scrutinize you less when you do art therapy. My least favorite part of art was getting criticized by my clients who would tell me my art was bad. (Not constructive criticism). Also I would get a ton of anxiety over drawing right before I stopped because I felt like I had a ton of pressure on me to perform and draw something really good. And I was wanting to take art classes at community college to try to improve my drawing skill. I dunno if I could go that far with it. But I think I can at least do art therapy which is all it would take for me to work with kids. So that's what I'll do.

Long post because I have the day off. Look at that thing it's huge.

I smiled at my big post

I accomplished drinking fizzy water

I am grateful for big things, small things, posts, fizzy water, blackberry tangerine flavor, macbook air, big jacket, me, mom, and interview.

God bless

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@DaBestThanks. I did my best but I don't think I gelled with the interviewers. MHA is dope. I love how epic and dramatic it gets sometimes.

Positive: Gonna try calypta.

This is a new med that's said to have less side effects namely no somnolence or weight gain,. So I'm hoping it works and I can sleep 8 hours again. Then I Could potentially work 45 hours a week and make much better pay than I Do now at 25 hours.

I smiled at my fingers

I accompilshed warming up

I am grateful for fingers, warmth, up, down, left, right, bending rules, sand, bricks, mom, hair, sweaters

God bless

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