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dasvira

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  1. Hey men one of the things I love in this forums is that I can find people struggling with the same problems as I am. Good luck in your journey.
  2. Hello again everyone. I am back after a big relapse. I stopped this forum after new year because I was frustrated and ashamed from my relapse. And I apologize for simply leaving the forum without saying goodbye. I tried to go no gaming just by myself and did hold to it for a few weeks. But last month I started playing hearts of iron IV, just pirated it because I deleted my steam account and I am gaming pretty much all the time I am not working (sometimes till 04am). It affected my studies during February by a lot. Well, time to start again. Days without gaming: 00
  3. Massive relapse between Christmas and new year. I gamed all the time from Christmas to now. Started playing videogames (cyberpunk+red dead redemption) with my cousins and I got totally hooked on it. I downloaded that shit in my PC and I was playing videogames all the time until Sunday, then I binged in the expanse season 5. If I was not watching shows or playing games I was surfing on Reddit or watching YouTube videos. I also drank wine and saw porn most of the days, and was waking up almost at midday most of the time. I simply gave up on my life during this last week. I actually planned leaving this forum for good. However, here I am again restarting my journey to get rid of my addictions hopping for a better outcome this time.
  4. Most people manage to overcome depression, most of the time it is only a temporary condition. I feel like seeing a psychiatric could really help you right now (specially if you are thinking about hurting yourself).
  5. This is also how I feel. Every time I game/watch TV/ see porn in order to blow off some stress I fell usually more tired and stressed afterwards. I also crave for some more immediate success a lot of the time. Unfortunately many of us spent years building in bad habits who will simply not go away overnight. That being said, I feel MUCH better now after 35 days of a more or less successful detox then I was last month playing games all the time.
  6. I also have problems adequating my commitment to change myself with my social life. Notably, I feel like if I am ever invited to watch TV, games or drink (only one glass of wine), I would do so even if not to be rude and look like I am judgmental. Internally, however, I would do my best not to get hooked on those things. I wonder if your family and friends know about your intentions of quitting games?
  7. @championeal From Thich Nhat Hanh I only read this book and "Blue Sky White Clouds", do you recommend any of his book specially?
  8. Another week goes by. I have been studying most of the time (stopped counting, but at a minimum of 11h every single day, apart from today), even if that meant that I wouldn't exercise/read/meditate/journaling on a day. My studying are going very well, but my mental health not so much... I am not sure it is sustainable in the long run to study this much. I kept internet surfing to a minimum (I spent 05 consecutive days without any surfing), but I saw porn twice along the week... Yesterday however I drank like half a bottle of wine (mainly due of stress I think) and saw porn afterwards. I overslept until 6:30 today, saw porn in the morning and have been surfing on reddit literally the entire day, started to see some streams of cyberpunk 2077 and felt an enormous urge to play it (thank god my steam account is deleted FOREVER). I even thought about abandoning this journal, but I feel like being held accountable makes me live more responsibly. I found that my previous diet was bat-shit-crazy restrictive and I wouldn't be able to continue it in the long run. I am following a simple 1500kcal diet (and I don't eat anything with I pass that threshold). Stuck to it everyday with the exeption of today. I am 100,1kg (-1,1kg this week). PLANNED ROUTINE (MON-SAT): 4:30 wake up. 5:00-6:00 walk with my dog. 6:00-6:30: 20-40min reading (alternate days) 6:30-6:50: 20min meditation. TOLERANCE 7:30-9:00: study. 9:00 - 11:00: PW meal (25g of protein, from tuna, egg or cheese). Weight lifting. 11:00-12:30: lunch. until 20:30-21:00: study (I take a 20 min nap after my first 30 min study session). Dinner in between at 17:00 or so. Good habits (consecutive days): - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 00 (prev. max: 05) - Diet: 00 (prev max 12) Bad habits (days without): - gaming: 35 - TV / streaming: 35 - Alcohol: 0 (prev max 16) - Porn: 01 (prev. max.: 11) - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 5)
  9. Keep on @Mohammad, best of luck!
  10. Another week passed by. PORN: This week masturbated 03 times (but I was careful to be quick and efficient about it and only took <15min LOL). Honestly, I kind of quit my commitment of quitting porn during some days and started to "cut corners". At least I fap quickly once a day, my lust is satiated and don't bother for the entire day, which is not true about TV/Games/surfing/food because once I have a little taste of it I always want more and waste my entire day hooked on that kind of shit... As I said a few days ago, I don't think porn affect my life in the same way that my addiction to technology does. However, I journaled how I felt and I still think that porn doesn't really make me any good. I reckon that I feel sleepy and sad just after ejaculating. I am not sure how honest I am being about my commitment to quit porn, but I will at least keep journaling about my porn habits. I am considering joining NoFap. CAFFEINE: I tried to quit caffeine coldturkey (I had already reduced my consumption of it by half), as I result I felt like a complete zombie on Monday and Tuesday and I did basically nothing on those days and only studied for 1-2 hours. I can't really afford an entire week only to detox, so I cut my caffeine consumption by about 30-50% at morning (I had already reduced it by 50% to only a big mug at morning two weeks ago, so I only consuming 25-35% as much caffeine as I used to before I started journaling this month). I am not sure I want to quit caffeine completely, but I still want to reduce my intake of it a little bit more. DIET: I was 1,62m and 111kg at the beginning of the month. I lift weights heavy since 8 years so I have a pretty solid muscle mass, that being said I got rather fat on the last 4 years(6 months ago 42% body fat, now I would guess I am about 36% or 37%). I was already dieting on the beginning of the month an dropped to 106kg at the beginning of this week. Early this week I started a diet based on intermittent fasting (20hours fasting - 4 hours of feeding window before gym and lunch 9:00-13:00); and ketogenic diet very low carbs (<30g), 150g of protein, fats are unrestricted though I usually keep it relatively low at around 50-70g. That is a pretty hypo-caloric diet, and while it isn't a traditional keto diet (which usually has less protein and more fats) I do some urinary keto test so and, apparently, I am in ketosis so I see no reason to change it. I pretend to fast on Sundays and only consume water and electrolytes (so I would do an almost 48h fast from Saturday to Monday). The keto flu is REAL! I have been urinating like crazy this week and dropped 5kg mostly of water retention (from 106kg to 101kg on Friday), and I am drinking A LOT of water every day. On Friday I was starting to feel bad with nausea and malaise. I have hypertension (nothing serious) and 2 hours after I took my daily anti-hypertensive pills yesterday, I got a mild hypotensive crisis my BP=110/40 and CF=110, I vomited twice and felt really bad. After that I drunk 1L of a homemade isotonic solution of NaCl and K, took 40 min to nap and in less than an hour I was as good as new. Today I reduced my anti-hypertensive drugs and my blood pressure is normal. EXERCISE: 60min of slow walking at 5:00-6:00 with my dog (unless it is raining, which happens often). 60-90min of weigh lifting 9:30-11:00. SURFING: I didn't surf at all for 4 days during this week, but I still surfed in 3 days, specially yesterday that I spent 1:30 in social media. OUT OF BED: Waking up 4:30, got out of bed before 4:35 3/7 days this week, in 3/7 I took a maximum of 15 min to wake up. Today I decided to sleep over to 6:00 because I will be fasting and reducing caffeine so I need to be well rested. First thing I do in the morning is wearing my wristwatch. TV/Games: I realize I am now almost a full month without TV, streaming or games. I feel so much better without that kind of shit. I had absolutely no cravings for it during this week. While it is true that I have quit it before in the past and so far I have always relapsed, I feel something different now. I really believe that this will be my final and successful attempt of quitting it for good. That being said, the definitive prove will only come if I am able to hold on and not relapse. READING: I finished the Enchiridion (handbook) of Epictetus and a small collection of his discourses this week, this my second reading of his handbook and I didn't enjoy it in my first read 5 years ago. Now that I am more mature I really liked it and it has some great passages (and is a quick read). I am reading the "Heart of Buddha Teachings" by Thich Nhat Hahn for the third time. I really like this book and it was THE book who rescued me from nihilism 7 years ago. I don't agree with everything in it, but AFAIK it is the most accessible and comprehensible book of Buddhist teachings. Contrary to most monks of an Asian background, the author is quite open minded and ecumenical with other Buddhist schools and western philosophy in general. Also he preaches only what he lives himself, which I think is admirable. STUDY: not terrible, but not close to my goals either. They were pretty uneven and there were days I studied for 9:00 hours and days I studied for only 1:00 (when I was in caffeine abstinence or Keto flu...). On average I studied for 4:23min everyday, using a modified pomodoro method. MY IDEAL ROUTINE (MON-SAT): 4:30 wake up. 5:00-6:00 walk with my dog. 6:00-6:30: 30min reading 6:30-6:50: 20min meditation. 40 min of tolerance because I am not a machine 7:30-9:00: study. 9:00 - 11:00: PW meal (25g of protein, from tuna, egg or cheese). Weight lifting. 11:00-12:30: lunch. until 20:30-21:00: study (I take a 20 min nap after my first 30 min study session). I pretend to stick to this routine during my next week. Good habits (consecutive days): - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 00 (prev. max:04) - Diet: 04 Bad habits (days without): - gaming: 28 - TV / streaming: 28 - Alcohol: 10 - Porn: 01 (prev. max.: 11) - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 3)
  11. Thanks for your concer @Pochatok, but unfortunately I kind of have to study all my free time and sacrifice quite a little bit (and a lot of money...) if I wanna a shot at doing well boards and immigrating to the USA... I am already 26 yo, two years since graduation and with no residency, so there I have some sense of urgency of matching in 1-2 years. Otherwise, I will be stuck in Brazil forever... Thanks @Mohammad! Woke up 4:30, and I want to keep waking up at this hour everyday. Unfortunately I mastubated in the morning, because of lack of self control. I did surf for about 1:40h in total (wiki, reddit). Time really flies when you are in the 'rabit hole'. Studies improving: 6:38 minutes total (24pp + 5:07 of classes). I see a big improvement in my studies this week, compared to my last week. I decided that from now on I will only post here once a week on sundays. I realize that I sometimes struggle to keep to my hard limit of a max of 30 min per day in this site, I can barely write my journal in time and I have to rush reading over other peoples journals. I will instead dedicate 1:30h on sundays to journaling about my week/ seeing what is going on in others journals. I will keep journaling in my private notebook however. Good habits (consecutive days): - Got out of my bed in less than 5min: 02 - Intermittent fasting: 02 Bad habits (days without): - gaming: 22 - TV / streaming: 22 - Alcohol: 04 - Porn: 00 (prev. max.: 11) - Unwholesome social media and internet surfing: 00 (prev. max.: 2)
  12. Second, I spent all my day behind a computer and sometimes I kind of have to visit youtube/ wiki to solve a doubt or two and I always end falling in the rabbit hole. I think exercising and reading are two great hobbies to substitute games with. I am also reading, meditating and exercising everyday.
  13. LOL loved the pyramid counter. I would steal your idea, if I wasn't trying to keep my reboot hidden.