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codepants

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Everything posted by codepants

  1. Woof, been a while. Still game-free by my rules (allowing games with friends in limited quantities, primarily Tabletop Simulator). Bike part prototype -- now on version 4. Works great. I mean, fits great. The plastic version is obviously not load-bearing, so I haven't ridden on it. But I will order the steel version soon! Just have to decide which vendor -- one that speaks a little better English for $20 more, or one that's been kind of a pain to save $20. Both are based in China. To 3D print steel in the US is hella expensive. Billed 21 hours last week! It was indeed that I just did
  2. Still here, been journaling in my paper journal which has been nice. I'll be getting a new supervisor at work which I'm super happy about, the last one made me want to quit. Just two more group meetings with him and then I'm FREEEEEEEEE which is also how I felt when I broke up with lady friend, interestingly enough. That's going okay. She still tries to dump on me. I'm getting better at saying no, which really bothers her. She's still trying to find a therapist she likes. I hope she does. She deserves someone who listens. I just can't be that person for her anymore. Bike part pr
  3. Curious to see how this turns out for you. Good luck and keep us posted.
  4. As Some Yahoo said, you're experiencing the downside of hedonic adaptation. Your brain is used to the extreme dopamine levels of video games. Anything less than that is boring, dull, depressing. It needs time to get used to what should be normal. That's why we say it takes 90 days. After 2 weeks I was finding myself more motivated, but not a lot. I was doing 1 or maybe 2 more previously "boring" things a day than I did before. It took me about 70 days before I felt the depression start to lift. Yesterday I did all my "habits" (I use a habit tracker) and then some. And FYI that 70 days inc
  5. Single player for me. I can see how multiplayer would be more addicting in the long run. In multiplayer there is always someone better than you, always someone to beat. In single player, at some point you've "beat the game." And then you get bored and onto the next one. Honestly that's what's made it easier for me to quit. The games I play have endings. Whenever I used to beat one I remember feeling like, "Do I really want to get hooked on another game? And then what, I'll beat that and then... nothing? Isn't there more to life than this" Between games there was always this lull of l
  6. I have a habit tracker and when I'm bored I check things off the tracker. For instance yesterday (Sunday) I was able to do them all: mindfulness, practice ukulele, eat leafy greens, exercise, journal, read, and study for my upcoming exam. You could also around-the-house projects, talk to friends, clean, try a new hobby. Reading is awesome, I also love getting lost in a good book. This is not for everyone but I have found Tabletop Simulator EXTREMELY helpful during the pandemic. It allows me to play "board games" with friends when I otherwise wouldn't be able to. The downside is it re
  7. Welcome, Terry. It sounds like you are taking some great steps towards recovery. I would also recommend seeing a therapist if you aren't already. It sounds like you have a complex history of addiction (not just video games but alcohol and you mention "2 other addictions." The people here can empathize with you since we've been there but we aren't professionals (actually there are a few therapists around but they are not your therapists, they are here for the same reason you are). Withdrawals -- for me it was fatigue and irritability. I mostly watched TV; as Melon said, for the first
  8. Yo, 11:59 PM! Congrats! 🎉🎉🎉
  9. Nothing really new to report, all caught up. I have been journaling in my paper journal so I might disappear from this one periodically. Thank you all for the support you have given me!
  10. The prototype for my bike part came today. It's good I ordered a prototype because I accidentally used the dimensions of the bicycle frame as the inner dimensions instead of the outer dimensions. So I basically recreated a chunk of frame instead of the part that goes inside that chunk of frame. Lol... whoops! Still cool, though. I'm happy with it... I'm happy that I made something! So I fixed up the design and ordered another prototype, hopefully of the correct dimensions this time.
  11. Feeling pretty good today. Day 7 of attempt number whatever. Did all my habits yesterday. Rode to Trader Joe's today to pick up chicken nuggets for my roommate, they were out. Also got some other stuff we like from there. About halfway through with documentation—one intake and all the regular appointments down, so just two intakes left. My goal is to finish by 7 so I can play board games (via Tabletop Simulator) with my high school friends guilt-free. Also slept through the night last night, which was weird. I have been working out "more" lately, by which I mean 5 times in the past 8
  12. There is nothing wrong with being hard on yourself, and if that is the rule you want to set, it's up to you. For my part, I decided at the beginning that playing simulations of board/card games is okay, especially during COVID. This allows me to catch up with friends I wouldn't otherwise be able to see because of the pandemic. No, playing it on the computer is not ideal. But it is still a board/card game, and without allowing myself this exception, I would not be able to do anything with my friends except talk, which you can only do for so long, even with good friends. IMO, saying board/c
  13. Woof. Some of the advice in this thread is... strange. I'm sorry you're having that experience. It sounds frustrating and hard and I can imagine feeling helpless, alone, and maybe a little lost. Nobody should have to go through that -- seeing someone you love get sucked in and watching it eat up their life. And standing on the sidelines and missing them, and wondering if it's you, and not knowing how to help. You certainly have a right to share with your wife how you feel. You're probably worried about her. And your statement, "I'm just about done," makes me think of being frustrated
  14. Watched Promising Young Woman yesterday. It was... a lot of things. It's a film about getting revenge on a rapist. It's heavy and uncomfortable. Necessarily uncomfortable. Explores the "nice guy" trope a bit. Mostly it just made me anxious. I have never committed any crimes, but I have done a few things I regret, and it feels like there's not a lot of space in the world for men to say, "Yep, I did this wrong," and navigate moving past it. Doing so feels like the right thing to do, but not if it costs you your job, family, etc. And maybe it should cost you those things, if you did somethin
  15. Ah nuts, forgot to post yesterday. It was a relaxing day -- two sessions and then chores and such. "Allowed" myself to play a little, but not to get carried away as I did last week with Christmas. I think all told I played less than two hours. Haven't played yet today. Mostly been catching up on documentation. Did all but the intakes. Nothing else really to report. I am thinking about going back to my paper journal, either in addition to or instead of this one. It's not that I can't share here, but this feels like much more of my external experience, augmented by insight into my inte
  16. Today was good. Really great intake this morning. You never know if they'll come back but the one session was definitely worth it. I hope this one does come back, I really enjoyed meeting them. Ordered a vertical monitor stand to try and combat my neck pain (which I believe is from turning side to side) and also a duplicate of my good monitor, because I want two of the same... (I already had a second monitor which has a pretty big bezel). Didn't realize I didn't have the cable for the second monitor before I got everything else set up so... running with one monitor for now. Cable gets her
  17. I don't think acknowledging that human desires are made up is the same as shitting on them. Have some nuance. The sun exploding isn't sci-fi and it will only take about 9-10 billion years. By attacking me, you are minimizing my emotions, and missing the opportunity to understand and empathize with me. I choose what my duty is. Focusing on the now is a fair point, as the ability to be present correlates with happiness and a sense of purpose. However, ignoring the past and the future and that they weigh on the human conscious is going to cause a lot of people to ignore you, bec
  18. Right, but aren't personal human desires just made up? If in the end the sun explodes.. - - - Still just chugging along. Roommate (ex)'s negativity is really getting to me. Just three months...
  19. My habit tracker is horrendous. I won't get into details but... yeah, I didn't realize "letting myself game" would have this much of an effect. Lesson learned...
  20. Could be. It's interesting you say about bad cards, as often people who have a struggle feel as if they have more purpose. That is not to shit on my privilege, but I wonder if I wasn't a white, cis, middle-class male, if I would be more engaged/productive/purposeful. Maybe we do have to make it so. "The grass is greener if you water it," I read somewhere. I just don't know how. Maybe it's not flooding myself with dopamine playing video games so the small things seem purposeful. Hedonic adaptation. And I've said this all before... ugh.
  21. Well, that was a bad idea. Up till 11 on Thursday and 12 last night on a new game. Caught it today, haven't played yet today. Perhaps unironically I accidentally typed the password I use for the game I've been most addicted to as my password to log in to gamequitters. Also caught that before hitting enter... Le sigh. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Or if I'm doing something wrong. I'm just tired. Not physically. Yes physically, but... I'm tired of feeling trapped in a cycle. I know video games are a symptom of the cycle. If I was at my mom's for Christmas this year I would ha
  22. Relapsed again. Holidays! I mean, I live with my ex and have nothing to do. (compared to the amount of free time I have) I think I'll give myself a pass until 1/2. Not free reign to binge, just... a pass.
  23. Yep, it was a UTI. Weird. I haven't even had sex in a while. Whatever, antibiotics aren't a big deal. NP was wondering aloud if I had diabetes because of my insane bouts of water consumption I get every 6 months or so. Honestly I was relieved I might have an answer, diabetes would explain away so many things and insulin isn't the easiest fix, but it is a fix. For better or worse, anyway, they ran an A1C and it's not diabetes. Also, she was cute and I was having trouble figuring out if she was flirting with me, and I might have accidentally flirted with her, so... nice to be back in the ga
  24. When I move I am going to move somewhere that allows dogs. I'm not ready for a dog yet but I've wanted one for a long time. I may also get a cat as they are easier to care for. Time will tell. I haven't actually picked up any new hobbies, unless you count making liver pills as a hobby. I have had a lot of hobbies throughout my life though so it's hard for things to be "new." Since my first post I did buy a punching bag, I have set up my bicycle trainer, and am playing ukulele more and trying to meditate (mindfulness) regularly. Only the punching bag is "new" and I have taken martial arts
  25. What's happening with sleep? Is it that you're doing things until that time or that you're in bed but can't fall asleep? If you were my client, I would ask you: What's the advantage of being up late? You keep saying sleep is an issue, but you are also consistently up late. There must be some advantage, some reason to do it?