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codepants

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  1. @BooksandTrees thank you. Those are all good questions. There are two parts to it -- one, the regular meetings. I meet with him once a month 1-on-1 and twice a month with a group. So that's not so bad. Two -- when I need something (ex. to know how to do something). I have learned to get most of those needs met elsewhere, like talking to my manager, peripheral supervisors, etc. I don't dread my job, unless I need to talk to him. Which maybe averages once or twice a week including the scheduled meetings? So, it's bearable. On the days I am scheduled to see him I usually have nightmares the
  2. Twelve things! Nice. Could you do coffee after meditation? Shower coffee maybe? Or if you're working from home, have coffee with work? I'm not sure how you make coffee but maybe it could steep while you shave? I think, too, about the amount of time some of my habits take. I have noticed (like you in a previous post I believe) that I am more likely to do things if I do them first thing in the morning. But now my work schedule is normalizing, I have less and less time in the AM... so do I get up earlier or what? I guess video games used to take 2 hours a day, so without video games, it
  3. Thank you. I hope I'm not complaining too much. Grateful for Warm weather! Or, "warm." It's 40 degrees. Etc. Walked 2 miles to a Christmas tree place today (neither lady friend nor I own a car). Strapped it to a bike and walked back. It was a good way to get exercise I guess. And now we have a tree! Landlord has signs up saying live trees aren't allowed, but lady friend is a lawyer and is convinced it's B.S. So... the apartment smells like pine now. Feeling slightly less like crap after that walk and taking a nap. Maybe I can ride it. I did pick up the uke today too.
  4. Yea, I wish someone had told me the tinnitus could be permanent. I never would have consented. If I went deaf I couldn't do my job, and my $40,000 master's degree would have been a waste. Like seriously, they don't think to mention that? Quit cold turkey starting Monday PM. Yesterday was rough and I thought it may have been withdrawal so I popped one. The internet says it takes 4 days for 99.9% of it to leave my system, but I don't know what that means for when withdrawal ends. I still have tinnitus. Today I've been feeling a little anxious too. I'm just having trouble being grateful
  5. Yea. I heard Dan Savage say, "men get turned on, then start touching; women start touching, then get turned on." It seems a little unfair. Grateful My ears? See below. Etc. So I'm about a month into Wellbutrin and today at about 4:30 PM today my ears started ringing and have not stopped since. They had been ringing on and off for the past two weeks or so but for most people the symptoms get worse and then they get better, so I figured, it will pass... well, fuck tinnitus. I started doing research and apparently Wellbutrin causing permanent tinnitus is a thing. Even if you s
  6. I don't know if or how you can help with this, but nobody else has replied, so... I really, really do not like my supervisor. In fact, I have a trauma response to him because he reminds of my dad, who physically and emotionally abused me, my sisters, and my mom. I have asked for a new supervisor and was just given additional subsidiary supervisors, but he is still my supervisor "on paper;" i.e., still the person I ultimately report to. I can provide some details about the things I don't like about him if that would help. I have given him feedback about the things that bother me and n
  7. I'd like to start doing gratefulness in my posts again. So... Something I'm Grateful For My Vitamix. It was actually given to me for free by my lady friend's ex-household because it was broken. Turns out it was a common break and with a screwdriver and a $10 part off eBay it can be easily repaired. So I got a Vitamix for $10 and I've had a few smoothies a week since then. General Update Feeling better since yesterday. I cooled off by watching boatloads of TV, then went out and vented to my girlfriend. I think it was hard because of the shame around being rejected for sex. N
  8. Right there with you man. Keep on keepin' on. You're not alone.
  9. Things since Thursday have been rough. I forgot that I have a trauma response to my supervisor. I guess the weeks between supervision are long enough for me to forget. Fortunately, he had to cancel our call yesterday and I got what I needed from someone else at the clinic. But we rescheduled for Tuesday, so now I have that to look forward to. Lady friend's cat peed on my bed (we keep it because sometimes we sleep better separately). I am irrationally upset about having a stain on my mattress. I'm just so angry about everything right now and I don't know what to do about it. Ther
  10. Woof. Missed yesterday, apparently. It was busy and intense. One 2.25 hour session working with parents and a kid who had things just get really, really out of hand recently. Trying to teach them to communicate with each other so they can at least make it to next week. I'm hopeful things will change for them, but I guess we'll see. Then, game night with high school friends. I always have a good time with them. It was really nice to feel connected with people who make me feel loved for who I am. Did not sleep so well. Lady friend wants to do separate beds for a while; apparently, I ha
  11. Today was a lot of things. Glad I did most of my habits in the AM. Work was crazy. 3 cancellations, which sucks, but still I was busy with documentation or getting organized. Really interesting intake that I hope will return. We will see. Came home and worked on a project for my other job. And now time for bed.
  12. Craigslist or FB marketplace? I got a punching bag and stand, $300 new, for $150 gently used.
  13. Still on the mindfulness and uke trains. I think doing those first thing in the morning really helps. It's really difficult to motivate/convince myself to do them later in the day. Also worked out today. It's 30 degrees outside, so thank you, punching bag. And ordered a yoga mat so I don't have to use my gfs when I stop to do crunches/push-ups/whatever. I think I'm going to try and be much more intentional about how I spend my time. No watching shows just because it's convenient. Even though I typically watch less than 2 hours a day, that's a lot of time I could be doing other things
  14. What time do you get up and how much sleep do you get?
  15. Back on the mindfulness train, and the ukulele train. Off the exercise train. It's like musical trains. Definitely feeling more down than usual. I ran out of turmeric on Friday, I doubt that's it but I wanted to document it in case I look back wondering. Headaches, fatigue, stomach hurting... all stuff I'm used to, just not stuff I've felt in a while.