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Maintenance of the PhoenixKing


Phoenixking
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Detox day 46. "Kiss and make up."
 
So it took us about 24 hours of ignoring each other, but we got through the fight. I guess we love each other more than we annoy each other. I ended up running a D&D-game in the afternoon, while she spent the better part of her day in the bedroom not wanting to get in my way. Apparently she'd even ordered take out last night, in the middle of our fight, for both of us, because she knew I don't eat (like at all!) when I'm angry. How can you stay mad at someone like that? We talked it through and why we were so pissed at each other and how stupid and ridiculous the fight was and how long and stubbornly we kept silent. We were both suffering. I told her how I felt about the bike, she told me how she felt about my tone and how I forget stuff. We vented and aired our grievances, then we cooked together, watched a movie and had sex. We're all good now. Thank you all for your responses! I did feel like I needed to stand my ground and make it clear there are lines you don't cross with me, especially after I'd made a point in the past not to fuck with that.
 
She also expressed some concern about how many hours I spend glued to my computer. For this forum, Reddit, reading the news, social media, ... I'm a bit of an introverted dude, so I'm okay with that and she mostly likes extraverted stuff like going out, seeing friends, doing stuff. But that's not possible, of course. That difference is okay, though. But it did make me realize I should try to live a bit more in the moment and a bit less via screens. I do that when I go to the park, no phone, pc or earbuds, nothing. Just me in nature. I should try and do that a bit more when I'm like cooking or something, when doing things I enjoy. I have a wonderful brain that comes up with funny jokes, silly sketch ideas, stories, ... Whenever I listen or watch something, my brain gets input but has not shot at making output. The best ideas are created in the bathroom or on the toilet, your mind idles and suddenly something just cliques. I'd like to try and to that a bit more.
 
So to be productive, today I'm making proper sushi and cleaning up the bedroom. It's dusty and lots of things need reorganizing.
 

Recent highlight: The moment we kissed after being angry for about 24 hours.

Budget status: All good for now. Though I haven't heard anything from both offices I mailed about paychecks.

My one goal for the next 24h: Clean the bedroom.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just did it. 

-Make the bed - Left it a bit messy since I knew I'd clean the entire room later.

-Drink enough water - Didn't drink any yesterday, I think. So a fresh start again today.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it before I go outside.

-No daydrinking at home alone - Day 3 of no drinking for a week.

-Meditation - Probably going to the park tomorrow. The weather'll be nice and I'll take a book with me to read.

-Exercise once this week - Cleaning and groceries shopping today, walking tomorrow. My knees/legs hurt so I don't want to workout just yet. But they do hurt less, so upping my activity level slowly seems to be the key.

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I actually wrote the outline for this reply some 10 hours ago, but I wanted some more input before writing more. I think Glover put it wonderfully by writing something in the lines of this: "A woman needs to know that you are willing to stand up AGAINST her, so that there is at least a chance that you might stand up FOR her in the future." Glad to hear all is good in the hood now 🙂

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Detox day 47. "Bedroom."
 
Thanks for your insights and responses about the fight. A part of me is still a bit fearful that something similar might happen again in the future, but overall our relationship is one that's based on mutual respect, communication and love so if something really were to push us, I'm sure we'll work out out. At least, if we're not busy being stubborn asses all over each other.
 
I'll probably spend the rest of the day giving the ol' bedroom a once over. It needs some serious spring cleaning and getting rid of the clutter will grant me some extra space to put the books I still want to read and my sensitive paperwork.
 
Just got a call about a gig! How about that! It's for after the summer, but it's given me renewed energy all of a sudden. I need to shift shit into a higher gear. I don't want to binge series anymore, after a while it feels like a compulsion or a habit or reflex. You just don't enjoy the experience as much as you would when you have done your work, have some me-time and sit en truly enjoy the fiction with all of your attention. No scrolling on your phone or anything like that, I want to savor more moments. So I'm going to try and get more shit done, as much as I can, despite my planner getting cleared out and lots of stuff having gotten cancelled. 
 

Recent highlight: Watching The Mandalorian while my SO gives me a foot massage. Holy shit.

Budget status: Well, the month is up. Despite the first major downpayment on the car, I'm still okay. And our household budget seems to be holding up. Provided we spend the next month eating our supplies instead of buying groceries at our current rate because we'll be having to pay for our insurances.

My one goal for the next 24h: Clean the bedroom.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just did it. 

-Make the bed - Irrelevant because I'll clean it like a typhoon in a jiffy.

-Drink enough water - I should drink way more. 

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it after I shower after cleaning.

-No daydrinking at home alone - Day 4 of no drinking for a week. This seems to be going rather quick. I feel good btw!

-Meditation - Too much to do today to go to the park. Though tomorrow might be nice to start the day with?

-Exercise once this week - Cleaning should do the trick. I'll see how bad my knees hurt, they seem to slowly do better.

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Detox day 48. "Fire, Pork and Sushi."
 
There's more of a fire in my belly! I successfully cleaned the entire bedroom yesterday. I took a dust mask and the better part of two hours of cleaning. But it's never been cleaner! And stuff got more organised, my paperwork has more overview, ... I'm still a type that can't get up at 8 and will most likely not set an alarm and will slowly awaken from slumber around 11. But I still get hella shit done! I also got a gig yesterday and mails are slowly coming back in again. There's work to be done! THANK HEAVENS.
 
Yesterday we made so much sushi, it was basically 2 days worth, like 4 meals in total. Crazy. We're getting good at this and it's fun to do and hella tasty. In terms of taste, it's equivalent to take out. Just that take out is faster, takes less time and work and it's prettier. But our stuff tastes just as good, basically. We should make sushi more often and order less.
 
I'm not sure if I'll make it today, but I can prep it. I want to make some Japanese Tonkatsu. Basically a pork cutlet, sliced properly, battered with salt, egg and bread meal and fried. I'm making some sauce too based on worcestershire, oyster sauce, sugar, salt and soy sauce. I fucking love cooking. I'm not sure I'll do it today, though. I bought the meat yesterday and it's going to take an entire night tonigh to rub the salt into it and let it rest. It's well refrigerated so I'm sure it's going to be fine.
 

Recent highlight: Stuffing ourselves with homemade sushi and figuring out how to use The Mandalorian to have some me-time. Instead of binging I take a small moment for myself each morning to watch it in the bedroom with my morning coffee. Peaceful.

Budget status: Took a look at our entire month last month. There less money coming in. But we did make a pretty penny in the past few months and seeing as the circumstances are rather crazy, no gigs and economic recession, ... I still need to be paid for one of the gigs, though. A commercial that's airing this month.

My one goal for the next 24h: Rub the salt into the pork and set it to rest all night.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just nailed it. It got updated so there's more to learn! Also doing more chess, yay!

-Make the bed - Clean as a whistle.

-Drink enough water - Filled the bottle again, but need to reset my table area because it's full of crap. I just sit on the sofa so I don't have the habit anymore of sitting down to write with a bottle next to me.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it after I shower in a sec.

-No daydrinking at home alone - Day 5 of no drinking. Flying by!

-Meditation - Postponing my park time. I'm scared there's going to be shitloads of people. I both don't want to get sick and really crave being alone somewhere. All nature areas nearby are swamped.

-Exercise once this week - If I'm not too active today, I'll probably workout tomorrow.

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Detox day 49. "Livestreaming, sauce and sports."
 
Today I'll spend a part of the day writing lore for my campaign. I want to be able to give the characters lore cards that reflect their knowledge of the world. Random facts, stories and legends they heard about some areas while travelling. I want to write about 50 things and set them into my canon world to make it a bit more colorful. We're doing another extra session next week and I'm eager to let them finally go out into the homebrew world I made. I'm also terrified XD 
 
Another part of the day will be spent in the kitchen perfecting the Japanese tonkatsu (like a fried pork schnitzel with a sweet sauce) and cleaning up the place. My SO made banana bread and it seems like lately the kitchen is perpetually filthy, but at least everything smells amazing. Fresh sushi, vanilla everywhere, ... We have movie night every night... Believe it or not, we even talked about buying a house or an apartment today. Since markets will be crashing I'd like to put out some feelers to see if it's actually the best moment in the next 10 years or so to buy something or not. That'd be a huge thing and we'd be taking it a step too far. But if that means, in comparison to waiting a few years and then buying something, if the amount we save by striking now when the iron's hot is big enough, I honestly think that'd be worth it. Her parents support the idea of buying over renting and so does my mom. We're not going to do anything just yet, there's enough to handle for now. But I like the idea that we're both cool with that and so are our parents. So I asked them where we should look, what we should do and so on... The lot of them have been around for about 30 years more than us two, so they should have some more knowledge on this, no?
 

Recent highlight: Stuffing our faces with freshly baked banana bread. Holy shit. Yum.

Budget status: Well, we're paying our insurance this month. So we'll have less to spend this month. But our freezers and  fridge are rather stocked so we should be good.

My one goal for the next 24h: Nail the tonkatsu

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished it.

-Make the bed - Clean as a whistle.

-Drink enough water - Had my first sips already.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Didn't do it yesterday, but I'll do it as in a few minutes.

-No daydrinking at home alone - Day 6 of no drinking. I

-Meditation - I'm not really sure what to write here. Corona sucks and I want to go outside without worries.

-Exercise once this week - My knees hurt last night. I should probably work out, but might postpone it to tomorrow because I had planned other things today that I looked forward to.

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Hey, knee pain does suck. Hope you can find a way to rehab them so they're pain free. Ugh tonkatsu is so good. That would be a cheat meal for me for sure though. Haha. What're you learning Japanese on and what's your motivation to learn? 

That's really awesome you're detailing your D&D world. I'm going to be joining a group for that once Corona virus is over. I hope it's a good time. I'd be open to hearing any tips you have for newbies. I'm glad to hear you and your SO are getting along better. I think this is a good time to buy things like homes or stocks. I would like to buy some stock around the time that they're set to let people back out of their houses again. Maybe I could even buy a house too haha. It really might be a good time to do it. 

I like your monthly goal. I think I might steal that and use it on my page too. I've been keeping a sheet with annual goals on it and it kind of just sits there. It doesn't really feel alive like putting up a monthly goal on here probably would.

I hope everything goes well for you in life.

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22 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Hey, knee pain does suck. Hope you can find a way to rehab them so they're pain free. Ugh tonkatsu is so good. That would be a cheat meal for me for sure though. Haha. What're you learning Japanese on and what's your motivation to learn? 

That's really awesome you're detailing your D&D world. I'm going to be joining a group for that once Corona virus is over. I hope it's a good time. I'd be open to hearing any tips you have for newbies. I'm glad to hear you and your SO are getting along better. I think this is a good time to buy things like homes or stocks. I would like to buy some stock around the time that they're set to let people back out of their houses again. Maybe I could even buy a house too haha. It really might be a good time to do it. 

I like your monthly goal. I think I might steal that and use it on my page too. I've been keeping a sheet with annual goals on it and it kind of just sits there. It doesn't really feel alive like putting up a monthly goal on here probably would.

I hope everything goes well for you in life.

To be honest, it's also kind of my own fault. It hurts because I don't exercise enough. I get caught up in other things that I'm passionate about, working out is less fun if I do it all alone at home. I thrive on competition, that's why I want to take up boxing or something. But I can't really right now, can I? Haha.

I learn Japanese via Duolingo and I do it because I've always had a soft spot for both languages and Japan. After I visited about a year ago, I wanted to be able to return and understand more, have conversations, be able to rely a bit less on Google Translate. I also am a big fan of 'Gaki No Tsukai' (a comedic tv show) and anime and slowly letting of of needing subtitles is a great way to feel progress. Lastly it's because I've alway been a gamer and I blame myself for losing time by doing that. I guess learning a new language is somehow atonement, I guess?

Any tips for players? Basically just have fun. If you have no idea what you're doing, that's totally normal. Try to work together with your DM to create a well-rounded character that has some backstory of motivation for why they do what they do. Like in a book or a movie, your character has feelings, motivations, thoughts, ... Try to ask yourself what your character would do? Are they a self-centered, brooding edgelord who was traumatized because his parents were killed in front of him (AKA Batman)? Fine, that's a good story to pick if you like that. But somebody like that doesn't play well with others (like Batman) so then you need to make sure there's an absolutely solid reason why they join the party instead of doing things on their own. It's a group thing, a co-op thing. So there needs to be a reason why your character chooses to be a part of that group. It's also a good move to try and mesh your backstory with one of the other characters. You'll start as a bunch of individuals, not as a well oiled machine, not a true team. So the easier you make it for yourself and your character to form bonds, the better. Maybe you're a bounty hunter and you've done jobs with the others? Maybe one of them is a sibling or a former soldier buddy of yours? Also, read the Players' Handbook. It has all the info, all the options, and so on... There's also lots of info on Reddit. A true treasure trove. Some people also like podcasts or watching session by famous people like Critical Role or Acquisitions Inc. And finally, don't be afraid to walk away. There are DM's out there, but it's a position of power. Not everybody is properly equipped to be a good DM. There is truly only one rule: have fun. You can't have fun in a wrong way. So communication is key. There are some red flags. Some bad DMs would use a character themselves, on top of being an DM. Others use D&D to play out their fantasies. They should mainly be an impartial storyteller and their biggest responsibility is making sure the group has fun. If you ever feel like that's not the way things are going, don't be afraid to speak up. I, as a DM, often ask for feedback and mind the players attitudes, try to make sure they're all engaged and learn what pushes their buttons. But not everybody is as maniacal as I am. There are some horror stories out there online. Basically, be a good human and surround yourself with good humans and you should have a blast. Welcome to the multiverse!

Cheers, mate! Right back at ya!

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Detox day 50 "Fuck it, we'll do it live!"
 
40 more days to go! I feel like I'm on the right track. I dodge triggers and deal with urges. There are still some here and there. But it's like I'm detoxing a bit more consciously nowadays. I just need to keep being mindful of not slipping up!

In a few hours we'll do part 1 of our D&D livestream. I'm excited! I just hope technical issues don't fuck up the fun. Part 2 wil be tomorrow evening.

I'm having a bit of issues sleeping. I've agreed with my SO so go to bed at 23:00 and get out at the latest at 9:00 for 5 days straight, starting Monday. A bit of structure should help. Also, if we fail, not takeout for a month (we need to mind our budget anyways). If we make it, we splurge on take out next weekend. Well, I say splurge. I mean, we'll just order fries or something... Nothing crazy.

I'm having more and more to do. I'm starting to have to plan everything out a bit more. Cleaning stuff around the house, fixing things, writing stuff for my D&D group, ... I think it's healthy I'm able to stay so busy and do things I'm passionate about. I like doing my daily Japanese, I'm starting to win more matches playing chess, I like writing lore, ...
 
Recent highlight: Having a thousand D&D ideas. Even to many to write down!

Budget status: Another bill came in. UGH.

My one goal for the next 24h: Nail the livestream!

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just did it.

-Make the bed - Fine.

-Drink enough water - Had my first bottle already. Should be a good day then!

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to do it.

-No daydrinking at home alone - Had a drink last night. 

-Meditation - I feel like having a moment every morning with a coffee while I watch The Mandalorian, one episode a time instead of binging it, is for now giving me some peace.

-Exercise once this week - I keep postponing... I am going to start tracking this weekly, to make sure I do it at least twice a week.

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Thanks for the advice! I would like to watch the mandalorian everyone's been talking about, but don't have hulu only Netflix. I wouldn't mind learning Japanese too. Maybe duo lingo would fare better for me than Pimsleurs which I felt I was getting stuck in my head in an annoying way. I thought maybe Spanish would be a better choice as I sometimes have Spanish speaking clients. But, Japanese would probably be more fun as I too like anime. Sounds like your D&D group is going well I hope it continues to.

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20 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

Thanks for the advice! I would like to watch the mandalorian everyone's been talking about, but don't have hulu only Netflix. I wouldn't mind learning Japanese too. Maybe duo lingo would fare better for me than Pimsleurs which I felt I was getting stuck in my head in an annoying way. I thought maybe Spanish would be a better choice as I sometimes have Spanish speaking clients. But, Japanese would probably be more fun as I too like anime. Sounds like your D&D group is going well I hope it continues to.

Well, you didn't get this from me. But there are other ways to watch stuff if you have a bit of internet savvy 😉 Not that I'd do such a deplorable thing, of course. I'm nearing the end of the series and I'm blown away. It's been a while since I'd been able to sink my teeth into something so well crafted. Well, nobody is saying you couldn't do both? I just like Japanese more because I also like cooking Japanese food, Japanese TV, I've visited the country... I like Spanish as well and it'd be probably a more useful skill. But I'm just more passionate about Japan than I am about Spain so I progress quicker and enjoy it more. Maybe you should try it? If you like something, it's easier to grow into it more. Heck, you could still discover you like both and just learn two languages instead of one 😉 

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Detox day 51."Fixin' shit."
 
The livestream last night was fun! We had about 16 ish viewers. Not a lot, but a fun bunch. We were all a bit off point though. We were so scared of dying or fucking up, we started to lose our edge. We weren't as funny as we usually were, also because of it all being a digital medium instead of us doing stuff and pulling shenanigans live. I ended up taking point often. I didn't really want to or be that risky with my character. But somebody needed to step up and progress things for the sake of entertainment. It's boring to watch 5 people fiddling with the lock of a door. Something you just need to kick it in and discover it was open all along so you can go to the next room/puzzle/monster... I did speak up at some point to make sure that we stepped it up a gear. We have our second livestream tonight, in a few hours. We're at 20% of the dungeon instead of the projected 50%. So either we skip shit tonight, amp it up and do it al waaay quicker or we'll plan another livestream. Probably the latter...

In the mean time I'm writing even more lore, prepping stuff for the campaign and majorly enjoying it. I have a couple of hours planned out tomorrow to bite off a chunk of the work. Together with using this weekend to clean the kitchen. Again XD we keep baking stuff and cooking exotic food that requires a lot of our attention while cooking it, so we tend to leave the kitchen in disarray instead of cleaning it while we cook at the same time. On top of the cleaning and D&D-writing, I'm tackling the suction hood above our stove in the kitchen. The switch is being wonky so I'm going to have to take it all out, fix it and jam it back into place. It's tedious, McGuyver-like work. But I feel so masculine breaking out the toolbox and fixing stuff around the house.
 
Recent highlight: Discovering we could watch a second extra episode of one of our favorite current reality shows. I love Temptation Island. It's like modern gladiators, but instead of death, they make out and cheat. It's hilarious. I also pity them a bit, some of the contestants seem Darwin Award-potentials. 

Budget status: Nothing to report. Waiting on some paperwork.

My one goal for the next 24h: Fix the suction hood.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water - Already finished a bottle, next one coming.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it a bit later today, so that I'm clean for the stream ^^

-No daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday.

-Meditation - I feel like I'm getting more used to sharing a space 24/7 with my SO during this quarantaine. There are clear moments that are mine though, that's where I'm currently getting my mental fix from.

-Exercise once this week - I was hoping to work out this weekend but I start my days so late nowadays. I wake up around noon due to sleeping issues. But in a few hours the stream is starting and I'm not sure I'll have the time to work out, clean the kitchen, fix the suction hood, and so on... UGH. Choices.

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Detox day 52."Chess & new sleep."


Another livestream that went well! We got way further, had some really exciting moments, we were able to flex our abilities and spells a lot and had fun. We didn't finish, so we're planning another. But. I've also planned my own sessions on both next Wednesday and the Monday after that. So that's 2 sessions in the next 8 days as a DM. And because of the livestream not getting to the end of the dungeon, we should finish it. So that means a 3rd session this week to satisfy the story arc. ... But we had also planned to record our podcast. And they want to go ahead with that. So that's fucking 4 D&D sessions, two of which I'm a DM for in 8 days. That's too much, man! It takes over the broadband, limiting what my SO can do. I feel like I got roped into this. I don't really want to disappoint the fans or my friends, I enjoy it but I don't want to bother my SO too much... I'm thinking of cancelling something. Maybe we can postpone the livestream or something?

I've been enjoying chess a lot! I'm climbing up to an ELO of 1000 and I came from like 200. I've been winning back to back games like 8 times in a row now. So much fun! I never knew I'd enjoy something like that so much. But I do notice that old habits start popping up a bit... I love competition and this behavior reminds me of how addicted I was to online video games...

Starting tomorrow, me and my SO are going to change our sleeping habits a bit to try and be more healthy. Sleep or not, we have to be in bed at the latest at 11 and we have to get out at 9. We want to have more productive days and better quality of sleep at night and I feel like this is a good move to do so. If one of us breaks this, we don't order out for a whole month and save money. If we make it, we order delicious, greasy food on the last night. Either way, win-win.

 
Recent highlight: Being a badass Druid on the livestream slinging high level spells.

Budget status: Still nothing to report. Should be getting some money coming in soon, though.

My one goal for the next 24h: Clean the fridge.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Ok.

-Make the bed - Ok.

-Drink enough water - Almost a whole week now I've been drinking properly. Huzzah!

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it before I skype with my friends tonight.

-No daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday, despite there being a cold beer in the fridge.

-Meditation - SO is having a walk with a friend (safely, like distancing and all that jazz) so I'm enjoying my alone time for the moment ^^

-Exercise once this week - The knees are really becoming a thing. It's a good thing we're changing up the schedule because I really lack time to work out. And by that I mean I have loads of time that I fill with different things that are important to me. It's like things really need to start hurting and aching before I act on them...

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10 minutes ago, Phoenixking said:

I've been enjoying chess a lot! I'm climbing up to an ELO of 1000 and I came from like 200. I've been winning back to back games like 8 times in a row now. So much fun! I never knew I'd enjoy something like that so much. But I do notice that old habits start popping up a bit... I love competition and this behavior reminds me of how addicted I was to online video games...

If you play chess online I think this constitutes as playing video games. I'd be careful exploring this hobby. 

I think the d and d is different because it's a video of your real life campaign. I think that's a good idea to get fans and build your attention online. Maybe you can find a way to do 1 day campaigns with stuff the fans can give topics on. Like they can suggest certain monsters if they're a follower etc. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
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Online chess made me lose track of time when i played it. There was no prompt to stop me playing, and the server was filled with players around the clock. Although eventually my mind would get so tired from all the thinking that I would quit.

With chess clubs that I attended and even set up - the cool thing was everybody had to leave by a certain time. 

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20 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

If you play chess online I think this constitutes as playing video games. I'd be careful exploring this hobby. 

I think the d and d is different because it's a video of your real life campaign. I think that's a good idea to get fans and build your attention online. Maybe you can find a way to do 1 day campaigns with stuff the fans can give topics on. Like they can suggest certain monsters if they're a follower etc. 

I don't really feel the same way though. I can start and stop it with no issues, unless I'm actually playing a game. Then I really want to finish because I want to win and progress up the bar. I don't have urges to play it all day because it really needs full attention and mental focus. You can't do it to relax, in a sense, because it's hard if you want to do it right. But I do agree with you that it's risky... I'm a little bit apprehensive of it but also don't want to quit just yet. Thanks for the warning, though. I agree with you.

Yeah, totally! We even had people in the chat help determine our course of action. "Do we go left or right?" Stuff like that is loads of fun.

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15 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Online chess made me lose track of time when i played it. There was no prompt to stop me playing, and the server was filled with players around the clock. Although eventually my mind would get so tired from all the thinking that I would quit.

With chess clubs that I attended and even set up - the cool thing was everybody had to leave by a certain time. 

Maybe it'd be healthier for me to only play in real life. But then it'd be hard to practice, though. And especially hard to play chess during quarantine...

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Detox day 53." Zombie morning."

Day 1 of waking up and going to bed more regularly. I'm so happy my SO is doing it too because I'm not sure I could do this if I were to have to rely on solely my own self-discipline. Holy shit do I feel like a mangy rag right now.

I got contacted by the Starterslab people. We're starting it all up using video chat on the 21st. So I'll officially be able to invoice and stuff in about a week or two. I'll start sending messages today about work and offers and all that jazz. I feel like I'll finally be able to get shit started again ^^

My toe hurts. I think a nail is growing in again. Tantalizing. I want to remove it but I'm afraid I'd make it worse. And I can't go out and get a pedicure at times like these... I'll try to do it myself then...

On the bright side, the entire apartment is fucking spotless. Together with clearing out the bedroom, we've now cleared the kitchen cupboards, removed spoiled foodstuffs, rearranged everything, ... We are on fire!

 

Recent highlight: Being able to rely on my SO helping me, checking up on me and supporting me during my sleep issues stuff.

Budget status: Our internet limit is getting challenged during quarantine. Meaning I have to pay attention to how much I download, surf, etc... UGH. Gone are the days of frivolous browsing.

My one goal for the next 24h: Tire myself out so I can go to sleep at 11.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water - Haven't started yet, but I'm sure I will. I'm still just a bit groggy.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it in a sec.

-No daydrinking at home alone - I had some Scotch while playing chess with my buddy over Skype last night. It felt very noir.

-Meditation - Mentally I'm quite okay. Though I miss the park.

-Exercise once this week - I can't believe I keep postponing this...

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Detox day 54."Getting better."

Yesterday I learned how to use Photopea. It's basically a free online Photoshop using a browser. AMAZING. I feel so happy that I have a new skill. Well, I don't 'know' it yet. But I made about 60 lore card for my D&D game. I used the basic template I found online for cards like Yu-Gi-Oh or Magic: The Gathering. Then I selected fonts and style for the title of the card and the main body of text and learned how to manipulate those. Finally I edited images that represent the rumours, legends, myths and lore into the cards, making all of them unique. I'd written about 2 days worth of random knowledge, organized it by region and type and then made the 60 cards. I spent a lot of time doing it and I'm so fucking proud. Also, all of my prepping is done for the game tomorrow, so I can just focus on different things today like cooking, doing laundry and making a huge fruit smoothie before the fruits go to waste.

Another morning waking up as a zombie. We went to bed properly, though. I minded my activity level, screentime and started winding down on time. I had the feeling that I'd already spent a full day doing stuff, editing those cards. So I felt happy and accomplished while I sipped my tea and read my book. This morning also sucked. I'm basically hung over when I wake up for the first two or three hours. But after that, my idiosyncratic engine powers up and I steam through the day!

I'm still paying some extra attention to the chess thing, though. I like it but it's not worth keeping it up if I feel like it's an actual threat.

 

Recent highlight: Making the 60 gorgeous lore cards. (I added a pic below, it's in Dutch though.)

Budget status: Got paid! Yay!

My one goal for the next 24h: Just have a productive day and be happy today.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water - Started. Already had the first bottle. Yay!

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'm about do do laundy, make a smoothie and I'll brush my teeth after that. Makes more sense.

-No daydrinking at home alone - All good. Still have that one beer in the fridge.

-Meditation - I think I'm good?

-Exercise once this week - Maybe today would be the ideal moment...

Lore Card 6 Koopmanzee.jpg

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1 hour ago, Phoenixking said:

Yesterday I learned how to use Photopea. It's basically a free online Photoshop using a browser. AMAZING.

cool. I did not know that one before. I used programs for that purpose, but this one seems to be quite a good piece of software.

2 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

I'm still paying some extra attention to the chess thing, though. I like it but it's not worth keeping it up if I feel like it's an actual threat.

This is such an interesting objective: When is it called "gaming". I think, ultimately, everyone should come up with his or her own conclusion. I for instance, have this definition:

"A program, which has set mechanisms you have to follow and mechanisms, which are intended to keep you playing. In addition, the game itself is not the main objective, but the atmosphere, it creates."

For instance, with that definition, I can not play rocket league, because things like elos, cosmetics, events or buttons to jump into the next match as fast as possible have this aim to keep you invested. The same with games like candy crush or basically most steam games. Just installing a steam account is something, which I consider "gaming". 

However, some browser "games" like skribbl for instance, do not fall into this category. They are just offering a platform to allow to paint something and other people have to guess. Sure, it is a game, but there are no developers behind, which have elos, tournements or whatever. Very occasionally, I play this with some friends. It is fun and than I don't do it for weeks or months. I am really more interested to laugh with some people, have a fun time, while doing something. I don't even care, whether I win or don't. Actually, I never do. ^^

So this is my personal definition. If I look at chess, it would fall into the same category like steam games: You have these competetive elements, to keep you hooked, you can quickly jump into the next game anytime and the game is the main objective. So... But what when you play a game of chess with a friend via skype? With a real board, which is right in front of you, while he or she also has a real wodden board on his or her desk? The only difference is the absence of a program and the elements to keep you hooked. However, it is still something different for me. But this is, where it gets tricky. Where is the line? Everyone has to make a decision in this regard.

So instead, the goal should not be to decide based on some criteria, what makes it a game or not, but rather, what it does with you! Are you still in control? Can you stop it any second? Do you care about it so much that you actively think about it, while during other things? Are you thinking so much about doing it that you immedieately want to get back to it? You know those "addictive thoughts". I think, this might be a good starting point to make a decision.

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19 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

So instead, the goal should not be to decide based on some criteria, what makes it a game or not, but rather, what it does with you! Are you still in control? Can you stop it any second? Do you care about it so much that you actively think about it, while during other things? Are you thinking so much about doing it that you immedieately want to get back to it? You know those "addictive thoughts". I think, this might be a good starting point to make a decision.

I think you made some great points there. Those mechanisms some games utilize are clearly dangerous to people like me. My brain just can't handle that. If I had an actual chess board, things'd be different. But because of the quarantine things are just a bit more hard. I do feel like I could quit but I'd need a different mental challenge. It's like quitting my Japanese learning but it'd make me sad too XD Hahaha. I don't feel like it's a problem for now, but we'll stay vigilant. The only moment I have quitting issues is when a game is going on. I don't want to stop until somebody wins or yields. I tell myself it's because I'm so competitive and that I want to be a good sportsman. But I'm afraid I use that to cover up the fact that I'd rather not stop because of junkie tendencies. I'm still not sure which is which.

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Detox day 55."Urges and coping."

Yesterday I was going crazy. My SO and I had heard about a friend that had sleeping issues and sought professional help. She's going to send us her course via mail so we can educate ourselves more on sleep. One of the things she mentioned is that it's good to establish a daily point where you wake up. But apparently it was a bad move on our part to agree to go to bed at 11 each night. I get anxious when I have to go to sleep, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy where I lie awake for hours. It's maddening. So because of that, I was going a bit stir crazy when I had to go to sleep. My SO went on ahead and gave me some much needed space. That's when I noticed it, me being all alone and stressed. The old coping mechanisms coming back, the monkey on my back whispering, begging for a fix. I ended up having a beer and watching some Japanese variety show and some anime, enjoying the empty room and going to bed after that. So it all ended well.

But it was the first time in a while that I'd felt so put on edge. I figured out how that came to be. No Krav Maga. Usually I let off a lot of steam, about twice a week. Normal weeks are more stressing, and nowadays I'm more relaxed because of the quarantine. But there's also no Krav Maga, luckily there's also less need. So if anything, not just for my knees, I should try to work out more to balance out my mind a bit more.

 

Recent highlight: Making a killer pasta amatriciana last night. It tasted great. Thank heavens, it better did. I spent so much time peeling tomatoes and cutting peeled ones. Such an annoying thing to do.

Budget status: We're planning to get a special bar bite, drinks, props and music box this weekend. To like have a Mexican type date at home.

My one goal for the next 24h: Nail the D&D session. Hopefully they can recover from the dark deeds a member of the group did last time. And also FINALLY finish the dungeon they're in.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished.

-Make the bed - Did it this morning.

-Drink enough water - Bottle is next to me. 

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I need a shower to wake up anyway, so I'll go do this now.

-No daydrinking at home alone - Had a beer last night.

-Meditation - Being alone last night really hit the spot.

-Exercise once this week - I should make this a priority. Either tonight after D&D if I'm not too tired yet, or tomorrow.

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I definitely agree that having a set time to wake up is important. I let that slip during lockdown and my life has been a mess. I thought I was depressed and unorganized before but I had no idea what I was in for. Lol

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15 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I definitely agree that having a set time to wake up is important. I let that slip during lockdown and my life has been a mess. I thought I was depressed and unorganized before but I had no idea what I was in for. Lol

Bit by bit man. Fall 1000 times, get back up 1001 times. As trying a time as this is, it's a good reality check for some. Don't be too hard on yourself, but also not too soft. I like seeing that your music is something that really seems to be growing on you and you keep trying to be more conscious of your habits, patterns, good and bad. Growing as a person isn't a straight line upwards, of course ^^ just keep doing what you do!

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