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Everything posted by Alexanderle

  1. I also often have this problem. I can really relate. What was the difference this time? Because I way to often struggle with that. Especially before lectures, I even avoid looking those people in the eye, I actually know.
  2. Alexanderle

    New Me

    Welcome and good luck with your process. 🙂
  3. And this is, what I think, triggers relapses. That is why smokers for instance crave a cigarette. Not even, because they like the smoke or taste of the cigarette. Even though they completely hate it now, they just what this emptiness and the negative cravings to go away. So they relapse. Which means one thing: Focussing on those cravings and on the possibility of craving and noting being "allowed" to do something, is not a good idea. So what is a good idea? I think it is crucial to have plans. Having a couple of things that fulfill you and give you power can create enough momentum that not gaming becomes easy. A little inspiration: What can be useful for every person, regardless of the personality: Eating healthy, exercising, enough sleep, morning routine a clean room -> a healthy person taking care of him/herself I pretty much did that stuff, before I quit gaming. Almost one year before, I changed my diet drastically. This created enough momentum, so that one year later, I also become an industrious person and I was so busy that at some point, I was not gaming for 2 weeks, without even noticing. So than I also quit that and deinstalled everything gaming related. Has been easy for me ever since. Now I also try to use this for even more areas of my life, like my social life for instance. Therefore, it is good to answer those questions for yourself and use that as a direction. Not the negative like I can't, but the positive I want. That can be a gamechanger. Can you elaborate that? Maybe you have already done, what I meant on top, but I just did not understand it properly.
  4. I was thinking the same thing numerous times. But first, the chance of total collapse and relapse is always possible, so I feel, an extra safety margin is nice to have. Second, I like to use my journal now as a collection of my own thoughts and ideas for other areas of my life. And I also like to help others throughout their journey. I don't know why, it just feels good to give. But yeah, in general, I understand your mindset.
  5. @Xgamer I think you are feeling the first important sensation, which is that you cannot go back. That this is not the turning point, where you finally gonna change it. The next big point is to stop caring. Who cares, if you relapse after one month? This just means that you resisted for ONE WHOLE MONTH! Isn't this incredible? One day of relapse and then you just continue again. It is all about moving forward. It is not important, whether you are at day 6, day 14 or day 100. Yes, this is a nice accomplishment and some good measurement of your success. But the journey is so much more important. Where you are right now. You are focused too much on the feeling of "not playing". Your goal now is to focus on what you can become instead. Where you want to end up. Who you want to be. Who do you want to become?
  6. Wow I just was reading this post. This is really great stuff. Made me consider some things.
  7. @ceponatia I mean, isn't this way of support similar to the support on gamequitters? Like counting the number of days of not fapping and counting the number of days of not gaming? With the promise that after 100 days of not fapping or 90 days of gaming detox the "magic" begins, where you start to feel a lot better? 😄
  8. @ceponatia I couldn't agree more. That is the sad truth.
  9. Feminism is once again another of those movements, where the original idea was good (more chances etc. for women), but slowly turned into this crazy movement, where feminists fight almost everything. So insane. And in what universe does a woman take of charge of her sexuality by being fucked in the ..., pissed on or being gagged? 😕 That is definitely BS.
  10. Just something out of curiousity. As I was just discussing something about the nofap movement with @ceponatia isn't this a similar problem with the pickup movement? Some dudes, which try to come up with a concept to solve a serious problem (giving guys some confidence to deal with approach anxiety and so that they can start dating), but turned it into some kind of pseudoscience, where it becomes quite complicated and messy with the goal to turn you into some kind of superman? And then claim to have better health, more confidence, more sex, better skin and whatever they claim happens? Nofap does the same, only that they tried to help porn addicts and are now turning not fapping into a pseudoscience where your absinence will also turn you into superman. I see some comparable aspects. ^^
  11. I do understand it quite well, as I suffered from it and quite recently, I relapsed on it. And this can really kill of your libido. But totally not doing anything anymore did not work for me. It was more like focusing on other more meaningful things in my life. And I am sure, this will solve itself again. I feel that with 27 years, I am still in my "prime" and feel all these feelings quite strong. And you are right regarding the ethical perspective of the women's side. If we analyze it from that perspective, there is really disgusting stuff going on in the pornography business. Like serious stuff and I feel, if I would ever have to participate in some of the aweful "practices", I would never recover from it. 😄
  12. @ceponatia Thats what I am saying: If this stuff is helping porn addicts to get rid of a really annoying behavior - awesome, I am totally fine with that. The rest is just like you said a pseudoscience.
  13. You also have not give an update since a couple of days. How is your current status going? 🙂
  14. @ceponatia thanks for the recommendation. I will look into it. 🙂 @Amphibian220 It is going on quite well reagarding exercise, diet and learning. I eat, what I want to eat and cook a little mit more lately. My exercising goes better than ever. I am learning, how I intend and even stuff like painting and language learning is going alright. I feel that I already made some great improvement regarding my portraits and I use my nba league pass to learn some spanish as well as Netflix and Duolingo for Dutch. Quite intriguing. The biggest struggle is still communication with peers. I feel to be a little bit more relaxed and I have someone to sit next to the lecture, but it is still a long way to go. 😕 I feel a bit stuck, as I am not sure, how to properly proceed and get over myself, but as long as their are even small improvements it is ok. But yeah, not satisfying. I hope you are ok as well!
  15. Well, you have a solid fundament to build on. While some days were under average, focus on those days, where you did amazing and use that for your advantage.
  16. Keep in mind that you are not journaling for anyone else. You are journaling primarily for yourself. About the other thing yes, not a lot of people are very active. Many people start and then quit. but you said it to yourself: It doesn't. As long as you take care of yourself and collect positive power, which you can use for other things as well, that is good. If you feel that the forum is not vivid enough, change it. Keep posting in other journals, give likes and be encouraging. This is what I try to do. I think that giving is, what start the receiving process.
  17. Hello, welcome to the forum. I hope you can find the energy and help here that you are hoping for. 🙂 Why is it always League of Legends? It is crazy how many people were playing this game. I was always more addicted to Rocket league. ^^ Maybe because the moment, we do it again, all those positive feelings, we experienced and all the memories kick back in, which just make it a lot harder for us to resist. I am not sure to be honest. I don't think that you are lazy. At first, you are just fulfilling a "need" of yours. Be kind to yourself. 🙂 Hope to see more from you!
  18. For me this means to just work with full concentration and to get shit done. Sitting in front of the computer and working for 7 hours is a waste of time, if 3 of those involve scrolling mindlessly through youtube. However 3 hours of complete laser focus are amazing. Not only do I like to do it, I also like the results and the confidence I get from beating procrastination. I agree with this one. Like completely. Sport does that for me. Or watching some series, or painting... it is really not important, whether you are a skillful player or not. The only thing that matters in my opinion is that you enjoy the journey towards whatever you goal is. As long as you know that your goal is to become a skillful player and you ignore the fact that you are a beginner, it is fine. You just enjoy the journey and it is not relevant, whether you are a beginning intermediate or pro player. The skill will come itself, once we do something regularily with passion.
  19. First of all, the big idea overall is to get rid of pornography. By now, there are probably hundreds of studies showing the devestating effects of pornography. This stuff can even change your brain! So from that perspective, if understand the movement. However, up to this point, I have not found a single study indicating the positve effects, some no fap users claim to have experienced. Stuff like better skin, more energy, heavier lifting. Well there are studies indicating that there is a correlation between depression and masturbation. But it is probably the most common mistake to confuse correlation with causation. You don't get depressed, because you are motivated. It is more like, because you are depressed, you try to find ways to get some relive, some pleasure, to feel better. Similar to gaming or drinking or smoking. Excess masturbation does not seem to be a healthy action. However, in my opinion, a lot of it, if not 90 percent of it is a gigantic placebo. And as long, as solid studies were not conducted (Ted-talks and self published books are not peer reviewed studies), I belive in the placebo theory. A totally different question is, whether it is bad that it might be a placebo? What happens? You have more time, maybe you feel to have more energy and what not if you don't masturbate. This effect is even more extreme for the idea of "no-porn", because you can waste a lot of time, looking for the "right" video. I know that quite well. Also a big problem is the shame afterwards that you feel. It can make you feel quite bad. Not as much with masturbation per se, but more for porn. So what happens, when you resist that? Or more generally speaking, when you overcome a habit that you feel like you had no control over? That actual controlled you? If you all the sudden become the master of that? No shit sherlock - that this gives you energy! Even more: It gives you self confidence. The more powerful you become that way, the more chances you have to use this new confidence for other areas of your life. I used to do the same thing with my diet. What might be no fap for other people, is "no-sugar" for me. I like the idea to stay strong and I feel good about myself. Other people eat that crap all day, but I can easily resist. And I mean zero. This gives me so much more energy, I feel less tired and whatever. Over the course of one year, this is what I started with. And so much has changed because of this one change. Like a domino chain reaction. So if something like that gets you going. Go for it! One last thing about movements: The no fap movement up to this point claims to have these benefits (according to a very short research of mine): More energy, self confidence, better memory, concentration, better hair, better skin, better stamina, better eye sight, better sleep, "no" depression, no social anxiety, less dark circles, less sweating, more lifting power, a lot of sex related stuff... Now let me write down a couple of other movements, who claim to experience similar effects: no-sugar eaters (guilty), early risers, vegetarians, vegans, low card people, low fat people, basically any type of diet movement. What I want to say is this: There is nothing wrong, if it gives you a boost and makes you feel better. Doesn't mean that all the claimed effects are real. More than hundred years ago, phrenology was a big deal, claiming that skull size or bumps in the brain can reveal something about your character. It turned into a huge business and people would try to use it for their daily situations and problems. No-fap might be very well a phrenology of our time. But so might be no-sugar eating, vegetarianism or positive psychology. We won't know until serious studies have been conducted. Those no-fap studies are flawed.
  20. I was reading an interesting article about the idea of acting as if, which is a technique, where we pretend to already reached something and in order to actually reach it. Very fascinating. However the most fascinating is a study, I learned about. It was unfortunately never published in a peer reviewed journal or replicated, however a couple of older people during the 80's were put in an environment, which was designed like the 1950's. They would only watched shows of that time, only saw pictures of their younger self, no mirrors, only 50's stuff. The study suggested that over 60 percent of them showed improvements in pretty much everything, from posture, memory to hearing or vision. This is crazy. So I am wondering, why it was never replicated. Because things like placebos etc. certainly could be possible. Also the study could have flaws otherwise. Nothing is ever perfect. So I am sceptical about that. However, I like the possible consequences of something like that. I like to ponder it: I always talk about the importance of identity based habits. That my actions influence my thinking and attitude and therefore, who I am and vice versa. This could also be the case for my environment. Constantly seeing something, I have not done yet, seeing something not being tidy or whatever could also influence my thinking and attitude. We know by now that a change of environment can have vital effects to us. But if my environment really would look like the way, I want it, maybe this is a good way to drastically improve my whole situation even more. First of getting rid of every piece of technology, garbage or whatever that I don't need or use anymore. Having my cloths in a need order. Everything really cleaned up. Maybe some cool motivational posters or in general a new touch of my environment that gives me the feeling to be a cool classic gentlemen. Right now, my environment is still centered around my computer. This in some way needs to change. Just something fresh. Definitely something to consider. So the next couple of days, when I have time next to my thesis, I will consider that. Besides, everything is absolutely fine i would say.
  21. It is going to be alright man! I am sure it will. What are these goals and priority lists you are talking about? Are those things strong enough to make you invested and focused? Do you mean school overall or just like this year? I have a theory that you already said to things, which you could start to focus on. Something which you said by yourself: Maybe those are things to focus on. If your goals list or whatever is not something that is helping right now, change your goal list. Put some things back in the future and focus on other things. Prioritizing is back. Once you have success it can create an upward spiral and give you energy. Overall, I am glad that you are still on the forum. We are here for you!
  22. Great to hear. And I hope that you can fix the situation with your wife again. But why is she hurt that you relapsed? The relapse is a personal issue for you. She should support you on your way back up. Making you feel more miserable hardly seem to be a good idea. But if you are back on track, it should be ok.
  23. Hey man listen. I am in the exact same situation like you right now. First of all: I am not a fan of the whole day 1-, day 2-, day 3- structure. And I think that it is not really a noteworthy post to basically write the same things every single day. Why even bother? I only write, when I feel like I have something to say. So just for your information that you are not alone with that "struggle". Change is always hard, as long as one is still someone attached to games and to a certain degree a "gamer". Your goal is not to get rid of games, but to become someone else. Someone who enjoys self improvement, maybe sports, maybe programming. Whatever! So keep focusing on that. About sleep: Just very recently, like the last two weeks, all the sudden, I had problems with my sleep patterns again- struggling to wake up early, struggling to not check the phone, struggling to just go to sleep without distractions. But today, I did wake up as early as I used to and my morning routine was excellent again. Certainly a little motivation kick. I experience that not really motivation, but a goal and desires can be helpful, since it is a difference, whether you wake up with some energy, because you have things on your plate, which you want to do, instead of having to force yourself because it is just another grey day as usual. Goals can be incredibily helpful. Not only as direction, but also as boost. Also check out the 5 second rule by Mel Robbins. Helps me here and then. For me it is more like a 10 second rule though. xD Furthermore, instead of watching some crap on youtube, you could also try to watch something more meaningful. This could be better than watching nothing. Babysteps you know. Maybe you could listen to a video of positive affirmations. I do this daily: This dude just keeps talking, how wonderful I am and how beautiful the life is with some nice sleepy music. Far better way to fall asleep than googling bullshit. Since I am not ready to listen or watch nothing yet, this is a good intermediate step. Maybe try it out. And don't be frustrated! You just have to keep going. Maybe tommorow I will fail miserably again with waking up early. So, I will just try the day of tomorrow then again. This is, why it is a process of ups and down's, but just a one-way street where everything is handed to you. Not the people, who need something, will get it, but those people, who deserve it. 🙂
  24. Greetings man. Ready for some tough words? If not, don't read it. Unless, here we go: Alright, you relapsed! So what? At least this is what I assume, since you posted it in this area here. I also assume that you did not game for 2 years. Do you have any idea, how incredible that is? You sir, are a winner. You managed to accomplish something incredible. But listen, there is this terrible idea in the heads of many people on their way towards a "good and meaningful" life, whatever that means, which has to disappear: A relapse is nothing negative per se. Yes, it is a learning experience. You probably learned more out of that single experience than during the two years of not gaming. Sure, it hurts to some degree and you feel like you failed. But you did not! Who do you think is the bigger failure: The person never trying and playing games for 2 straight years or the person doing something meaningful for two years and then playing once? If your goal is to become a phenomenal basketball player and you are practicing your free throws - who is the bigger "failure", the person resisting to practice out of fear to miss or the person, willing to keep shooting despite missing here and there? Even the very best players in the world, shooting beyond the 90 percent mark of their free throws - even they miss eventually. Why? Because they are human! I am human! You are human! And as a human being, who is clearly not perfect, you have now two options: 1. Whine about your situation. Feel bad about yourself. Feel like a failure. Feel depressed. Blame the circumstances. Blame the lack of support or your mental health. 2. Embrace the challenge. No one hinders you, to deinstall your games again, to just go back to your routines, you build within 2 years. To focus on the underlying problems. No support? Join a forum like the gamequitters to get support. I support you if you need it! Join an association in your area to get support. Learn to meditate, get into sports, enjoy nature, go to a party or whatever you enjoy, develop a high work ethic. Whatever it is, focus on what you could possible become and set meaningful goals. The list of things to do is endless. It is just a matter of perspective. If you now feel like a failure, you failed. But if you just continue your wounderful path, which lasts far longer than my journey btw, then you win. There is no difference between today and yesterday or last week or last year. Unless you start to focus on that and tell yourself that this difference exists. I don't understand this statement. Do you think you are starting from zero again? Bullshit! The count is 730 (2 years) to 1. Tomorrow you can make 731 to 1 out of it. If you want instead see it as this: Last streak: 730, current streak: 0. Well, that is your personal decision. Take care!
  25. @A Single Step wow, while I am not really into politics whatsover, this is genius. A great way to work on your social skills bruh. Keep it going. 👌
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