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Detox day 56."Walking & Talking."

So D&D yesterday was pretty cool. Lots of combat and some plothooks. And my first encounter with party drama. The dynamic is off. It's supposed to be a group game but there's a few players who seem to spearhead characters who are all about being edgy loners. But that begs the question, why are they in the group then? I had a brief chat with a player, a lifelong buddy of mine, to see if we could resolve that in character. But yesterday still had a bit too much combat so there was no real respite to have a talk like that. After that session, a second player called be about it to vent and see what I think. I told them both I'd start the next game with a quiet moment to give both of them a shot at starting that talk. If neither do, I'll step in and subtly try to steer things in the right direction. But I'm not above breaking it all and just talking to my friends, without D&D or characters and tell them that some of them need to take a critical look at their behavior in game; It's not right to call yourself a hero but decide the fate of a beloved NPC's afterlife on your own; it's not right to leave the last few round of combat to go and steal the loot before the rest arrives, it's not right to not care about hitting your friends with you aoe-spells... There should be consequences to being a dick or the behavior will get reinforced. Conflict makes for great storytelling. But only if it can get addressed and thus resolved. That'll heal'm all and strengthen their bonds. If none of it happens, I'll end it early and ask them to question why their character voluntarily remains a part of the group. I'm pretty sure one of them, the edgiest one, is totally up for redemption and totally willing to. The other dude, claims to have been a village leader, but doesn't really care about anybody other than himself. They need some self-reflection and I hope that we can facilitate that next time. It just sucks that communcation is hampered by digital media. If you only have audio and a webcam (and not even all of them have that) it's hard to have deep connection. I miss our actual table time. So next Monday should be interesting.

I've read enough stories about DMs being dicks themselves or people not talking about the elephant in the room. The fact that both players felt comfortable enough with me and dare to rely on me for this and opened up is both a great testament to their characters and a compliment to me. I choose to look at it like they perceive me as capable and emotionally open to stuff like this and willing to communicate and solve the issue with a velvet glove instead of an iron hand. I talk softly, but carry a big stick. I prefer the former, but I am able to wield the latter with no qualms.

I have been struggling with exercising for a while now. Today I saw @ceponatia and @Erik2.0 talking about going for walks. I don't really like going outside right now because of the risk of infection. I trust myself to be safe. But I don't trust others. But I think I'd be able to dodge crowded places. To feel a bit more safe, less anxious and lower the threshold for me, I'll bring some podcasts along. It's going to be healthy for my mind and my sore knees. And my SO will get some alone time to boot.

 

Recent highlight: Calling my friends and talking about how they feel and how we'll resolve it; working together to fix things via talking instead of infighting.

Budget status: Insurance got paid but they sent the wrong info. So we paid the wrong amount, the right amount was 20 bucks more. UGH.

My one goal for the next 24h: Go for a walk today.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - All good. Got a good grip on hiragana, some kanji and now perfecting katakana (3 different kinds of scripts)

-Make the bed - Was hard to get out this morning, but did it anyway and made the bed too.

-Drink enough water - First bottle down already.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Before I go for a walk, I'll spruce myself up.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday.

-Meditation - I guess if I take a walk today, that's going to count?

-Exercise once this week - Going for a walk today. I'll try not to push myself too much because of my brittle knees.

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When I go for walks I will walk on the grass when I see other people to give more space between us. I usually walk in uncrowded rural neighborhoods if I can. The only exception is there's this metal bar that I do rows on so I kind of have to walk past a few people to get to that. I'm glad you're exercising and resolving conflict with a preference towards speaking gently. Sounds like good things.

Edited by Erik2.0
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Detox day 57."BBQ."

Well, I went shopping today. Bought food and stuff to last us another 2 weeks, I hope. I don't like groceries shopping. Never have, never will. Too many people, too many stimuli, too cramped a space. And I especially don't like having to wait 30 minutes outside in the sun (it's not hot, but I'm a winter type of dude, the sun and I have a hate/love-relationship) in the middle of a bunch of unwashed derelicts who keep breaking the rules and stand next to each other instead of the mandatory 5 feet (I'm from Belgium, that's the rule here, kinda). I know it's hard to enforce that. But there's been more than enough people who've received fines and it's not even about that. Just don't be fucking stupid. There's a quarantine going on for a reason, don't go looking for trouble. And for the love of everything that is holy, don't stand so close to me. Yeesh.

I didn't go walking outside today. I did yesterday, but after a couple of minutes my knees started hurting. Sadly, I had to pick the wiser option and returned home. I was out of the house today for 2 hours because we really needed groceries. But now my knees hurt more XD So I'll see tomorrow about walking but I might just let it all heal a bit. But as soon as I can, I'm going out for a walk again, however short it may be. I guess it's all about slowly building it up again. I've been home for a few weeks now, and though I mind my weight, it's hard to keep the muscles and tendons and sinew around my knees strong and flexible and healthy when your ass is glued to the couch.

Tonight we're BBQ'ing! I bought a small one-time BBQ set and some meats and some veggies. Now that there's some sun and nice temperatures, we need to enjoy them!

 

Recent highlight: Watching the movie 'I Am Mother' last night. So cool and thrilling!

Budget status: Got paid (FINALLY) for the commercial I shot in February. Took'm long enough! But oddly enough, it seems like it hasn't gotten published yet... But they already paid me for the media rights to publish it. I wonder what's up with that. 

My one goal for the next 24h: Have fun tonight BBQ'ing.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished it.

-Make the bed - Nailed 5 days in a row, waking up at 9! Also bed was made this morning.

-Drink enough water - Finished a fruit shake, but no sip of water yet. Though the day is still young (ha, no it ain't, 4:30 pm)

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday. Though I am craving some red wine.

-Meditation - I figured that I'd been missing some me time. I used to watch the Mandalorian and truly enjoy my little escape. So I've been looking for cool shit to watch so I can do 1 moment in the morning where I watch it and use that tog et some me time.

-Exercise once this week - Went for a groceries run that took me 2 hours. Knees hurt now but it's okay. All good progress is slow.

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I'm not a fan of shopping for similar reasons. Sometimes it's nice to just get out and see other people but for the most part they're not people I want to see. Detroit is a very obese and mentally ill city and it's very taxing on my positivity to be exposed to that regularly, lol. Definitely don't go to Wal-Mart. Good that you got out though and got some food. It's actually been quite difficult to get enough food here; fatmericans are still in hoard mode so there's often no meat. Plenty of veggies of course as Detroiters don't eat those, so I'm a quasi-vegetarian at the moment. 😄

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51 minutes ago, Phoenixking said:

So I'll see tomorrow about walking but I might just let it all heal a bit. But as soon as I can, I'm going out for a walk again, however short it may be.

There is no reason to overdo it because that will hinder your exercises for even longer. I would still recommend a bit of stretching which can help a lot with flexibility thus reduce the stress on knees caused by tension in surrounding muscles. Reducing knee pain. Enjoy BBQ today. 

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21 hours ago, ceponatia said:

I'm not a fan of shopping for similar reasons. Sometimes it's nice to just get out and see other people but for the most part they're not people I want to see. Detroit is a very obese and mentally ill city and it's very taxing on my positivity to be exposed to that regularly, lol. Definitely don't go to Wal-Mart. Good that you got out though and got some food. It's actually been quite difficult to get enough food here; fatmericans are still in hoard mode so there's often no meat. Plenty of veggies of course as Detroiters don't eat those, so I'm a quasi-vegetarian at the moment. 😄

Oh god XD It was kind of like that a few weeks ago, but things have calmed down. No more empty shelves and whatnot. Probably because they now are limiting the amount of customers who are allowed inside. Hahaha, well, veggies are healthy! In a weird way it's a positive thing, I guess?

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20 hours ago, Marek said:

There is no reason to overdo it because that will hinder your exercises for even longer. I would still recommend a bit of stretching which can help a lot with flexibility thus reduce the stress on knees caused by tension in surrounding muscles. Reducing knee pain. Enjoy BBQ today. 

I agree. I'd prefer to progress dashingly. But I've done that in the past and learned from my mistakes that overdoing it will do more damage in the long term. Slow and steady wins the race. I feel really wise to pursue this course of action because it's very counter intuitive. I'm a sprinter, not a walker in terms of character.

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16 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

It can help to set a timer each day to meditate. My alarm goes off at 8pm to remind me each day. I also just do it first thing in the morning after washing up.

Oh yeah, totally. I read the book 'Atomic Habits' to see how to improve daily structure and all that jazz. I prefer going outside to a remote park to meditate while walking and just enjoy nature. I noticed that it takes quite a lot of effort to actually sit and actively start meditating. I guess in a way it's cheating, but whatever works, right?

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Detox day 58."Writing gig. And a risky one."

Oh damn, the BBQ went soooooo well! We made mojitos, baked some sausages and burgers and bacon. It worked perfectly! My SO played some music, the sun was shining, honestly, it felt like summer. Afterwards we watched a zombie movie and went to bed. Slept like a rose.

Today I made an ambiguous and potentially dangerous decision. A video production studio on the other side of the country is making a new RTS based on Starship Troopers. I heard through the grapevine they need a writer to flesh out backgrounds and locations, come up with cool characters and write scripts for the storylines, dialogues and commentators.

I applied.

I'd be able to work from home and wouldn't have to walk into the studio. I'd be paid to do what I love and I've always been a huuuuge fan of ST. I grew up with the CGI-series in the Nineties. I had to apply. There's no guarantee I'll get picked and if I'm offered the job, I could still refuse. The prospect of being able to write stuff into such a cool fucking universe just fills me with joy. Even the mail I sent was filled to the brim with lingo and references. The pinnacle of my nerdiness. I just made me so happy to even be able to apply. It could be that my enthusiasm is clouding my judgement. But I'm not making a game, just writing the characters and stories. Ideally, I'd never have to touch anything gameplay related. That's not my field anyways. Maybe saner heads will prevail and I'll retract my application. Maybe I won't get picked at all because it's not like I'm that experienced anyways. But if I do get picked and get to write, I'd just be too enthused to be able to sink my teeth into a cool gig like that to think about the risks. I guess all writers are, in one way or another, masochists.

Tonight we're having an online Mexican party. We ordered drinks, bar bites and props from a cool bar nearby. 2 cocktails, 2 bar bites made by a Michelin cook, funny props and a link to an online live DJ set for tonight. All for 30 bucks. We're breaking out the sombrero and funny mustaches, ordering Mexican food, tuning in to the online party and I'm even going to shave off my beard and sport a handlebar mustache!

Recent highlight: Enjoying the summer feelings last night.

Budget status: I hope our household budget lasts. We've bought a lot of food and paid all of the bills. But we only have about 100 bucks to last us till the end of the month. I don't want to go over budget.

My one goal for the next 24h: Enjoy our Mexican party at home.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - All good.

-Drink enough water - Finished the first bottle already. 

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go do it.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had 2 mojitos last night while eating and bbq'ing. 

-Meditation - My SO will be gone for a few hours so I'll get some R&R.

-Exercise once this week - Want to go out for a walk today, but the knees still seem kind of sore. I'll probably just go outside and see how it feels. It's too sunny to stay inside anyways.

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I think that's an awesome opportunity! Writing for a game would be a dream job for me... universe creation and backgrounds of characters are my favorite part of writing. I have like 50 "universes" designed for sci-fi books I'll likely never write, haha. I don't think it's very dangerous, either. I have a number of friends in the video game industry and they spend so much time working on games that the idea of playing one actually makes them dry heave (ok maybe not really). Plus they're incredibly busy, 40 hour workweeks don't apply to the tech industry from what I hear.

Good luck. I love the ST universe, that was one of my favorite movies as a teen and I even played a bit of the table top. I've even (unfortunately) seen all of the sequels lol.

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On 4/11/2020 at 5:09 PM, ceponatia said:

I think that's an awesome opportunity! Writing for a game would be a dream job for me... universe creation and backgrounds of characters are my favorite part of writing. I have like 50 "universes" designed for sci-fi books I'll likely never write, haha. I don't think it's very dangerous, either. I have a number of friends in the video game industry and they spend so much time working on games that the idea of playing one actually makes them dry heave (ok maybe not really). Plus they're incredibly busy, 40 hour workweeks don't apply to the tech industry from what I hear.

Good luck. I love the ST universe, that was one of my favorite movies as a teen and I even played a bit of the table top. I've even (unfortunately) seen all of the sequels lol.

Hahahaha XD Yeah, the series were waaaaay cooler than the movies... OMFG. What a clusterfuck.

Yeah, a buddy of mine said the same thing. He had issues with games, but after starting out for himself, trying to make a game and a demo and founding a business, ... He'd just poured all of his time in that passion. There just was simply no more time for games, and he could no longer play games without looking at it from a designer/developer standpoint. But I'm not above quitting the job or outsourcing it. I have a few writer buddies I could hand it over to, or I could ask to work with other applicants, and so on... There's options if there would be troubles.

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Detox day 59."Party aftermath."

We partied a tad too hard last night, hahaha. We'd ordered tacos, made nachos ourselves with my homemade sauce and had some ceviche, pulled pork tacos (yes, even more tacos), had cocktails and we wore props and listened to themed music. We were basically having a two-man-party. I wore a sombrero and shaved my full beard into a horseshoe mustache, she wore a poncho and wore a fake mustache. There was also a URL the came with the cocktails for a live DJ set. We ended up drinking quite a lot, watching Space Jam, dancing in the living room and the kitchen and then things went crazy. Because she's binging Community and there's a reference to 'Hawthorne Wipes', she started throwing tissues around, quoting the series, followed by me one-upping that and throwing confetti around. We totally messed up the entire room and I'll save you the rest that followed but it was quite idyllic. If she's not the love of my life, I don't know who would be.

I woke up super early, oddly enough. Spent the best part of the day podcasting via Skype.

She woke up and baked fresh Easterbread. I'd never heard of it, but it's like a small brioche bread with a whole (shell and all), egg in the middle on top. We had Easter brunch with her parents via Skype. After that she baked some more bread and after I'd vacuumed everything, she mopped the entire place. I feel so accomplished! We're getting shit done!

Finally, I got a message from a dude about a ring. Two dudes actually. I had to keep this all a secret from my SO. One dude is a blacksmith and I was asking him about how realistic it is to make a ring out of my 5-yen-coin around my neck. I learned that a great gem from Peru, the country my SO loves, is a bright, clear blue opal. If I can get my hands on that somehow, I can get a ring made, I think. The blacksmith might be able to help make it. I messaged another dude who's a specialist in rings and he reminded me that Belgium has a huge diamond and jeweller's industry. If the COVID-19 shit dies down a bit, I could maybe take a trip to Antwerp and find a Peruvian opal and get it fitted to a ring... I don't think any of it would cost a lot. That made me insecure at first. Engagement rings are supposed to be bright, sparkly and expensive. Then I learned that the old adagio about engagement rings, that they should have the value of three times your monthly wage, was made and spread by the diamond lobby. So I let that go and figured that a personalized ring like that would be way more valuable than any bright rock worth the lives and blood of a few poor miners in Africa. 

 

Recent highlight: The party last night and falling to the confetti-covered floor together and then, well, it felt like a scene from a movie.

Budget status: SO keep talking about getting a bunny... *sigh*

My one goal for the next 24h: Lead the D&D-session tomorrow and maneuver the sensitive conversation to a good place.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - All good.

-Drink enough water - I'm on track for today but I need to keep it up for the remainder.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Still on the menu.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had a party last night.

-Meditation - Woke up a few hours earlier than my SO and had some lovely alone time.

-Exercise once this week - About to go for a short walk. As soon as there's any pain, I turn around.

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3 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

Hahahaha XD Yeah, the series were waaaaay cooler than the movies... OMFG. What a clusterfuck.

Yeah, a buddy of mine said the same thing. He had issues with games, but after starting out for himself, trying to make a game and a demo and founding a business, ... He'd just poured all of his time in that passion. There just was simply no more time for games, and he could no longer play games without looking at it from a designer/developer standpoint. But I'm not above quitting the job or outsourcing it. I have a few writer buddies I could hand it over to, or I could ask to work with other applicants, and so on... There's options if there would be troubles.

I've had that happen with a few things I've learned, getting some skill in a subject really helps you look at it objectively. I wouldn't say that learning photography and music production has lessened my enjoyment of films and music, but I notice more things. Both things that I think are really clever and mistakes. Not long ago, when I listened to a song I'd just take in the whole sound of it as one bite but now I notice chord progressions, harmonic interplay, time signature (but let's be real it's mostly 4/4) and all that. It helps you realize also that the people who make these things are just people and not wizards. Haha

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Detox day 60."Two months."

So D&D went a-fucking-mazing! They talked so honestly about it all, they really impressed me with their teamwork and communication. 

We probably have some sort of leak or clog or something. My SO just exited the bathroom and told me there was weird water coming out of the shower drain and the toilet seems to get clogged, clear up and then clog again... UGH.

It's been two months since my last relapse. I don't really crave games on a daily basis and even quitting porn and sleeping healthier are getting easier. But it's not exactly that it got easier by itself, it's more that I made months of effort work towards making it all more doable. I now have several 18+ filters on several devices. It's easier to stay away from porn than it is to quit porn. 

I have a bottle of Japanese tea in my fridge. Stuff that's been there for several months now. When I was in Japan, it was something I used to drink often. I've been keeping it as some sort of a reward, a trophy or prize to be able to look forwards to. If I can make it to 90 days, there's no telling what I'm capable of.

Tomorrow is my first day of Starterslab. I'm curious what I'll get assigned and what I'll learn from them. Exciting times.

 

Recent highlight: The moment the D&D-characters my friends all made decided to stop being a bunch of individuals and started actively working towards each other to be a group.

Budget status: SO and I had a loooooong talk about finances. It started to dawn on my that I'm a bit of a control freak and should let her make her own mistakes. I loosened up a bit

My one goal for the next 24h: Full focus and attention tomorrow morning at the first Starterslab meeting.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - All good.

-Make the bed - Same here.

-Drink enough water - Lately this is getting better and better. I still have a ways to go, though.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it this morning.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing last night.

-Meditation - I miss being alone at the park.

-Exercise once this week - I'm a bit exhausted after the D&D-session. But I went for a walk yesterday. Didn't get very far and it took some willpower to turn around and go home to be safe and not ruin my knees. I'm chillaxing a bit for now but I might go outside later today, maybe after dinner a bit.

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Detox day 61."Insomnia."

Had my first Starterslab session today. It was informational. There's some paperwork involved and I'll have some time to get stuff in order. I'm not good at things like that. They easily confuse me. I often just bite down hard and do it anyways, even though it takes me twice the amount of time another normal person would require. 

I've been reading some stuff about sleep and insomnia. I've been having trouble sleeping in. So my SO arranged for a colleague of hers to drop of some knowledge. She had issues too and visited a sleep clinic. I get to sift through the paperwork, powerpoints and so on... It's pretty educational! But it's so ambiguous. The more I learn about it and focus on improving my sleep, the more I notice how deep the hole is that I've found myself in. It's daunting.

 

Recent highlight: Watching a prison movie on Netflix with my SO last night.

Budget status: Nothing specific to report.

My one goal for the next 24h: Finish the tasks I've set out for today.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - Got it.

-Drink enough water - Started first bottle already.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Haven't done it yet, should do it in a bit when I take a computer break.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing last night.

-Meditation - I think I'm not under any huge duress. And I know they'll lengthen the lockdown here. But I miss being able to be truly alone.

-Exercise once this week - Had another short walk last night. I can't walk a few hundred meters without slowly starting to feel pain. So today I'm taking a break and I'll go walk again tomorrow. I did get a bit further today, though! So progress can be clearly made.

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Detox day 62."Gambling."

So yesterday I was a bit stressed about the Starterslab thing. Suddenly, after weeks of having time to relax, things started moving again. And it felt like it all came at me at once. I always have a mental list with about 1000 things to do on it, but because of Corona a lot of those just weren't possible. On top of that, the world's stopped moving for a bit for a lot of people, so in a weird way it's more justified to sit down too and allow yourself to relax. But now that feeling's gone. I already felt my engine wake up last week, not wanting to be so lethargic anymore. I had time, I realized, and I should make the most out of it. But feeling all of the stress yesterday, made me look for ways to relax more. I came upon a site that lets you bet on which video game character would win in a 1 on 1. It's like a standard fighting game, only the characters are custom made by programmers who volunteer. You don't bet any actual money so I though it'd be fun for a bit. The video game references didn't really do anything for me so at first, it felt kind of safe. A funny way to blow off some steam. I was actually enjoying it! 

But they had a ranking system... My competitive side started to show and I really got into it. I decided to step away from it. I was having fun, but I don't want to venture on thin ice. I think it was a bad thing just waiting to happen. It may have been perfectly okay and safe, but that's just not a chance I'm willing to take. I did expect that the gambling part would be a problem for me, since I'm a tad sensitive to addictive stuff. But oddly enough, it was the ranking board that triggered me, not the gambling.

 

Recent highlight: Playing 'Cards Against' with my friends online last night. I laughed so hard, I couldn't breathe XD

Budget status: Bit annoyed at our data usage at home. My SO's being forced to work from home but is using up all of the data because of it. UGH. Those cheap fuckers might not even pay it back. I keep telling her they don't treat her well and it seems she hasn't got the stones to stick up for herself. She's sweet, but not tough. It's none of my business per se, but the moment my own data usage gets influenced because of them, that changes things... I'm happy our data plan got doubled, but we're still just scraping by.

My one goal for the next 24h: Cook a killer pork roast tonight.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just got done.

-Make the bed - Done.

-Drink enough water - First bottle already downed.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to do it, before I go do house chores.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Major drinking last night. But it seems like I needed to vent some steam.

-Meditation - I like crawling into my own little world of focus when I cook or clean and listen to podcasts. One of the few ways I can escape nowadays.

-Exercise once this week - Didn't walk yesterday so I would have planned on walking today. But when I woke up, my knee was clearly hurting. I'll be ironing today, doing dishes, laundry and cooking so I'll be on my feet a lot. I think I might consider that as my light workout for today. I'm scared to fuck up the knees.

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Detox day 63."Shortlist."

SO finally got the green light to put our internet into her work expenses. So I get to download stuff again. Thank heavens.

Last night, she was volunteering so I retreated to the bedroom. She volunteers for a phone service for kids. Kids who suffer abuse, have questions, just need somebody to talk to about nearly any subject at all. Anonymously, of course. I'm so impressed with how big my SO's heart is. I don't think I could do what she does. I skipped out of the living room because of it. Last time we agreed I'd just be quiet and I just watched series. But I was not aware of how noisy I was. Cracking my knuckles, moving my seat, fiddling with my legs, grunting, sneezing... She was in the middle of a super sensitive conversation with a young girl who was being abused regularly. I felt so awful. I hope the girl didn't notice because of the noise I was making that there was another person in the room. I decided then and there, to make sure I never potentially spook another person, I'd just leave the room. I ended up watching some more Starship Troopers and drinking and eating. Skittles, Canada Dry and wodka. Brought my Japanese whiskey and some amazing chocolate with me too. I got some 2 hours of me-time and I was eager to enjoy it. I didn't drink, taste or eat a lot. Just some skittles, the can of soda on some ice with a splash of wodka. I was so relaxed. Lovely.

Sleeping has being slowly getting better. I read through the entire document that my SO's colleague lent me. It taught me a lot about sleep, sleep hygiene and your body in general. I now only go to the bedroom if I'm ready to sleep. I don't use my phone, read or have big conversations with my SO in bed (at least for now) and I set my alarm at 9 am and get up then, no matter how much sleep I got. When I wake up, I immediately get out of bed and make coffee and open the blinds to get some sunlight. It seems to be going well. A few hours before I'm planning to go to bed, I don't work out, I try not to drink too much alcohol or water and don't too household chores that are intensive. I watch tv or do whatever or read and only go to the room to sleep. If I can keep this up a bit, I can maybe start fiddling with the equation. Getting up earlier for example, restarting my reading in bed, and so on... It'll be slow, but there's progress.

 

Recent highlight: Having some me-time last night, two whole hours!

Budget status: Yay, our data usage will be partially covered by my SO's work

My one goal for the next 24h: Pay the graphic designer that made my current resume.

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished.

-Make the bed - Done

-Drink enough water - First bottle already done, second one in front of me.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Imma go do it right now and then take a walk.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had 1 mixer last night.

-Meditation - The me-time last night was lovely.

-Exercise once this week - Knees still kind of hurt, but I still feel like I should take a walk.

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Detox day 64."The road ahead."

Yesterday, for the first time ever, I donated some money to charity. My SO worked for a while as a volunteer for this little school in the mountains of Peru. The kids get education, food, games whereas otherwise they'd be left to fend for themselves. There's a couple of kids with handicaps who lead horrendous lives, save for their time at the school where they get some physical activity and fresh air. One of them is confined to a wheelchair but because his parents are poor, they sold it and so he just lies in bed all day, paralyzed. Breaks my heart. She showed me the videos and pictures. I just couldn't deal with it. A few hours later we watched a human interest program by a comedian about taboos. He spends a week with a minority group and then makes a comedy show about them; the program follows him in getting to know them, what their lives are like and how they relate to humor. The episode we saw was about handicapped. A dude with no leg and major phantom limb pains. A dude who was a sports teacher at a special ed school, who jumped on the trampoline wrong and got paralyzed from the chin down, he can't even breathe on his own now. A dude with dwarfism. A girl who was hit by a car and whose left half of her body got paralyzed. It was hilarious, don't get me wrong. The jokes they all cracked together were really funny, the setup of the show is brilliant. But it just made me sad. I had been feeling off all day. I am barely able to work out to relieve stress and am, for the first time in a long time, feeling more triggers to relapse into gaming. Thank god, I'm so stubborn and I want that special bottle of Japanese tea that's been in my fridge for months and not to break my streak. But holy shit, this quarantine is starting to get dangerous.

I've now planned out my day a bit more with more stuff to do. It's just hard to relax sometimes.

I've been thinking of getting some more working out in my routine. I'd like to start slow and really ingrain the habit. I just want to do 10 push ups every day and something with my legs, like walking or biking. I just need to figure out when. I'm not awake at all before I've had my coffee. I could set it to a specific time, like 1 pm. I usually have had breakfast and coffee by then and am not yet hungry for lunch because I eat at around 10 or 11 am. So my stomach is not full and I'm awake. I'll start trying tomorrow and have set an alarm at 1 pm to do the push ups. But I'd probably be better doing it after a specific act or habit or something. Like doing it after filling in this diary. But I think that 'best moment' will show up at some point in the next few days. Like, just before I shower or something, or just after I brush my teeth. I dunnow. We'll see.

I also just finished a webinar about websites, SEO and SEA, and so on. Lots of knowledge fired at my brain. A bit too much to handle, really.

 

Recent highlight: Falling asleep right away last night.

Budget status: Gave 25 bucks to charity, paid the graphic designer for my resume, random stuff...

My one goal for the next 24h: Make a base of operations template in Game Master Engine ( a map builder program )

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Done.

-Make the bed - All good.

-Drink enough water - Still have to take my first sip, but it's in front of me.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to do it 🙂

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday, but the craving was real.

-Meditation - I'll take a walk later today to smell the flowers. Or go cycling.

-Exercise once this week - Because the knees hurt, I'm insecure about walking today, but I'll soon start building up my body again with 10 daily pushups. It ought to help out a bit too on the falling asleep angle.

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Detox day 65. "Cooking spree."

Tonight we're doing, what I assume will be, the final part of our D&D livestream. I've been getting more and more antsy lately, so I keep looking for stuff to relax me, things I'm passionate about. I am terrified or relapsing. My sleeping has been improving, though, so that's definitely some progress!

I was planning on make a great beef stew today and maybe some creme brulee. I've got this cooking torch that I've been wanting to use for months. On top of that, I found out that I have all the ingredients to make Japanese melon pan, a type of sweet bread made with both bread dough and cookie dough. I'm excited!

I admitted to my SO how stressed I've been feeling, what I've been doing to relieve it and that I'm scared of relapsing. I told her I'd rather drink more, binge Netflix and do other things that don't seem quite healthy, mentally or physically, than that I'd relapse. Death before dishonor! But seriously, my knees and my sleep keep slowing creeping towards progress and better results so I'll just slowly make my way forwards.

 

Recent highlight: Discovering the German and French season of 'Ultimate Beastmaster' on Netflix.

Budget status: Our data limit seems to be doing fine after all. Thank heavens. I don't trust my SO's company, though. I don't like rationing our internet. But I trust them enough to risk spending money to increase our data limit because I think they might not pay it back.

My one goal for the next 24h: Make the beef stew super tasty!

 

Maintained habits:

-Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished it.

-Make the bed - About to go shower and also make the bed.

-Drink enough water - First bottle is down, 3 more to go.

-Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go shower, clean teeth and go to the shops for beer and bread for the stew.

-Less daydrinking at home alone - Had some sexy cocktails last night with the SO.

-Meditation - I'm hoping to take another short walk today. I like the smell of the flowers in the park. And there's way less car around so the air is nice and clean, it seems.

-Exercise once this week - About to do the 10 pushups. 

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1 hour ago, Phoenixking said:

Budget status: Our data limit seems to be doing fine after all. Thank heavens. I don't trust my SO's company, though. I don't like rationing our internet. But I trust them enough to risk spending money to increase our data limit because I think they might not pay it back.

Damn, do you still have data limits regarding the total amount of data? I could understand that in 2005, but not nowadays 😄

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On 4/18/2020 at 2:10 PM, Ikar said:

Damn, do you still have data limits regarding the total amount of data? I could understand that in 2005, but not nowadays 😄

Yeah XD for phones and home wifi. Insane right? I even checked the details of the providers available here, the plans that literally state you have unlimited data, actually in the fine prints state you have a large data cap of 500 gigs. Ludicrous.

Normally 150 a month is fine though. It's rare to reach the edge of that. But now that we're home all day every day, there's a bit more mileage.

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