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Phoenixking

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About Phoenixking

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  • Birthday 09/24/1990

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  1. Detox day 56."Walking & Talking." So D&D yesterday was pretty cool. Lots of combat and some plothooks. And my first encounter with party drama. The dynamic is off. It's supposed to be a group game but there's a few players who seem to spearhead characters who are all about being edgy loners. But that begs the question, why are they in the group then? I had a brief chat with a player, a lifelong buddy of mine, to see if we could resolve that in character. But yesterday still had a bit too much combat so there was no real respite to have a talk like that. After that session, a second player called be about it to vent and see what I think. I told them both I'd start the next game with a quiet moment to give both of them a shot at starting that talk. If neither do, I'll step in and subtly try to steer things in the right direction. But I'm not above breaking it all and just talking to my friends, without D&D or characters and tell them that some of them need to take a critical look at their behavior in game; It's not right to call yourself a hero but decide the fate of a beloved NPC's afterlife on your own; it's not right to leave the last few round of combat to go and steal the loot before the rest arrives, it's not right to not care about hitting your friends with you aoe-spells... There should be consequences to being a dick or the behavior will get reinforced. Conflict makes for great storytelling. But only if it can get addressed and thus resolved. That'll heal'm all and strengthen their bonds. If none of it happens, I'll end it early and ask them to question why their character voluntarily remains a part of the group. I'm pretty sure one of them, the edgiest one, is totally up for redemption and totally willing to. The other dude, claims to have been a village leader, but doesn't really care about anybody other than himself. They need some self-reflection and I hope that we can facilitate that next time. It just sucks that communcation is hampered by digital media. If you only have audio and a webcam (and not even all of them have that) it's hard to have deep connection. I miss our actual table time. So next Monday should be interesting. I've read enough stories about DMs being dicks themselves or people not talking about the elephant in the room. The fact that both players felt comfortable enough with me and dare to rely on me for this and opened up is both a great testament to their characters and a compliment to me. I choose to look at it like they perceive me as capable and emotionally open to stuff like this and willing to communicate and solve the issue with a velvet glove instead of an iron hand. I talk softly, but carry a big stick. I prefer the former, but I am able to wield the latter with no qualms. I have been struggling with exercising for a while now. Today I saw @ceponatia and @Erik2.0 talking about going for walks. I don't really like going outside right now because of the risk of infection. I trust myself to be safe. But I don't trust others. But I think I'd be able to dodge crowded places. To feel a bit more safe, less anxious and lower the threshold for me, I'll bring some podcasts along. It's going to be healthy for my mind and my sore knees. And my SO will get some alone time to boot. Recent highlight: Calling my friends and talking about how they feel and how we'll resolve it; working together to fix things via talking instead of infighting. Budget status: Insurance got paid but they sent the wrong info. So we paid the wrong amount, the right amount was 20 bucks more. UGH. My one goal for the next 24h: Go for a walk today. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - All good. Got a good grip on hiragana, some kanji and now perfecting katakana (3 different kinds of scripts) -Make the bed - Was hard to get out this morning, but did it anyway and made the bed too. -Drink enough water - First bottle down already. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Before I go for a walk, I'll spruce myself up. -Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday. -Meditation - I guess if I take a walk today, that's going to count? -Exercise once this week - Going for a walk today. I'll try not to push myself too much because of my brittle knees.
  2. Bit by bit man. Fall 1000 times, get back up 1001 times. As trying a time as this is, it's a good reality check for some. Don't be too hard on yourself, but also not too soft. I like seeing that your music is something that really seems to be growing on you and you keep trying to be more conscious of your habits, patterns, good and bad. Growing as a person isn't a straight line upwards, of course ^^ just keep doing what you do!
  3. Shit. Something inside me just clicked too. Imma go shower and take a walk right now...
  4. Detox day 55."Urges and coping." Yesterday I was going crazy. My SO and I had heard about a friend that had sleeping issues and sought professional help. She's going to send us her course via mail so we can educate ourselves more on sleep. One of the things she mentioned is that it's good to establish a daily point where you wake up. But apparently it was a bad move on our part to agree to go to bed at 11 each night. I get anxious when I have to go to sleep, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy where I lie awake for hours. It's maddening. So because of that, I was going a bit stir crazy when I had to go to sleep. My SO went on ahead and gave me some much needed space. That's when I noticed it, me being all alone and stressed. The old coping mechanisms coming back, the monkey on my back whispering, begging for a fix. I ended up having a beer and watching some Japanese variety show and some anime, enjoying the empty room and going to bed after that. So it all ended well. But it was the first time in a while that I'd felt so put on edge. I figured out how that came to be. No Krav Maga. Usually I let off a lot of steam, about twice a week. Normal weeks are more stressing, and nowadays I'm more relaxed because of the quarantine. But there's also no Krav Maga, luckily there's also less need. So if anything, not just for my knees, I should try to work out more to balance out my mind a bit more. Recent highlight: Making a killer pasta amatriciana last night. It tasted great. Thank heavens, it better did. I spent so much time peeling tomatoes and cutting peeled ones. Such an annoying thing to do. Budget status: We're planning to get a special bar bite, drinks, props and music box this weekend. To like have a Mexican type date at home. My one goal for the next 24h: Nail the D&D session. Hopefully they can recover from the dark deeds a member of the group did last time. And also FINALLY finish the dungeon they're in. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished. -Make the bed - Did it this morning. -Drink enough water - Bottle is next to me. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I need a shower to wake up anyway, so I'll go do this now. -No daydrinking at home alone - Had a beer last night. -Meditation - Being alone last night really hit the spot. -Exercise once this week - I should make this a priority. Either tonight after D&D if I'm not too tired yet, or tomorrow.
  5. I think you made some great points there. Those mechanisms some games utilize are clearly dangerous to people like me. My brain just can't handle that. If I had an actual chess board, things'd be different. But because of the quarantine things are just a bit more hard. I do feel like I could quit but I'd need a different mental challenge. It's like quitting my Japanese learning but it'd make me sad too XD Hahaha. I don't feel like it's a problem for now, but we'll stay vigilant. The only moment I have quitting issues is when a game is going on. I don't want to stop until somebody wins or yields. I tell myself it's because I'm so competitive and that I want to be a good sportsman. But I'm afraid I use that to cover up the fact that I'd rather not stop because of junkie tendencies. I'm still not sure which is which.
  6. Detox day 54."Getting better." Yesterday I learned how to use Photopea. It's basically a free online Photoshop using a browser. AMAZING. I feel so happy that I have a new skill. Well, I don't 'know' it yet. But I made about 60 lore card for my D&D game. I used the basic template I found online for cards like Yu-Gi-Oh or Magic: The Gathering. Then I selected fonts and style for the title of the card and the main body of text and learned how to manipulate those. Finally I edited images that represent the rumours, legends, myths and lore into the cards, making all of them unique. I'd written about 2 days worth of random knowledge, organized it by region and type and then made the 60 cards. I spent a lot of time doing it and I'm so fucking proud. Also, all of my prepping is done for the game tomorrow, so I can just focus on different things today like cooking, doing laundry and making a huge fruit smoothie before the fruits go to waste. Another morning waking up as a zombie. We went to bed properly, though. I minded my activity level, screentime and started winding down on time. I had the feeling that I'd already spent a full day doing stuff, editing those cards. So I felt happy and accomplished while I sipped my tea and read my book. This morning also sucked. I'm basically hung over when I wake up for the first two or three hours. But after that, my idiosyncratic engine powers up and I steam through the day! I'm still paying some extra attention to the chess thing, though. I like it but it's not worth keeping it up if I feel like it's an actual threat. Recent highlight: Making the 60 gorgeous lore cards. (I added a pic below, it's in Dutch though.) Budget status: Got paid! Yay! My one goal for the next 24h: Just have a productive day and be happy today. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Started. Already had the first bottle. Yay! -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'm about do do laundy, make a smoothie and I'll brush my teeth after that. Makes more sense. -No daydrinking at home alone - All good. Still have that one beer in the fridge. -Meditation - I think I'm good? -Exercise once this week - Maybe today would be the ideal moment...
  7. I am so happy to be able to witness your progress and proud to see you do well, yo ^^
  8. Detox day 53." Zombie morning." Day 1 of waking up and going to bed more regularly. I'm so happy my SO is doing it too because I'm not sure I could do this if I were to have to rely on solely my own self-discipline. Holy shit do I feel like a mangy rag right now. I got contacted by the Starterslab people. We're starting it all up using video chat on the 21st. So I'll officially be able to invoice and stuff in about a week or two. I'll start sending messages today about work and offers and all that jazz. I feel like I'll finally be able to get shit started again ^^ My toe hurts. I think a nail is growing in again. Tantalizing. I want to remove it but I'm afraid I'd make it worse. And I can't go out and get a pedicure at times like these... I'll try to do it myself then... On the bright side, the entire apartment is fucking spotless. Together with clearing out the bedroom, we've now cleared the kitchen cupboards, removed spoiled foodstuffs, rearranged everything, ... We are on fire! Recent highlight: Being able to rely on my SO helping me, checking up on me and supporting me during my sleep issues stuff. Budget status: Our internet limit is getting challenged during quarantine. Meaning I have to pay attention to how much I download, surf, etc... UGH. Gone are the days of frivolous browsing. My one goal for the next 24h: Tire myself out so I can go to sleep at 11. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Haven't started yet, but I'm sure I will. I'm still just a bit groggy. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it in a sec. -No daydrinking at home alone - I had some Scotch while playing chess with my buddy over Skype last night. It felt very noir. -Meditation - Mentally I'm quite okay. Though I miss the park. -Exercise once this week - I can't believe I keep postponing this...
  9. Maybe it'd be healthier for me to only play in real life. But then it'd be hard to practice, though. And especially hard to play chess during quarantine...
  10. I don't really feel the same way though. I can start and stop it with no issues, unless I'm actually playing a game. Then I really want to finish because I want to win and progress up the bar. I don't have urges to play it all day because it really needs full attention and mental focus. You can't do it to relax, in a sense, because it's hard if you want to do it right. But I do agree with you that it's risky... I'm a little bit apprehensive of it but also don't want to quit just yet. Thanks for the warning, though. I agree with you. Yeah, totally! We even had people in the chat help determine our course of action. "Do we go left or right?" Stuff like that is loads of fun.
  11. Detox day 52."Chess & new sleep." Another livestream that went well! We got way further, had some really exciting moments, we were able to flex our abilities and spells a lot and had fun. We didn't finish, so we're planning another. But. I've also planned my own sessions on both next Wednesday and the Monday after that. So that's 2 sessions in the next 8 days as a DM. And because of the livestream not getting to the end of the dungeon, we should finish it. So that means a 3rd session this week to satisfy the story arc. ... But we had also planned to record our podcast. And they want to go ahead with that. So that's fucking 4 D&D sessions, two of which I'm a DM for in 8 days. That's too much, man! It takes over the broadband, limiting what my SO can do. I feel like I got roped into this. I don't really want to disappoint the fans or my friends, I enjoy it but I don't want to bother my SO too much... I'm thinking of cancelling something. Maybe we can postpone the livestream or something? I've been enjoying chess a lot! I'm climbing up to an ELO of 1000 and I came from like 200. I've been winning back to back games like 8 times in a row now. So much fun! I never knew I'd enjoy something like that so much. But I do notice that old habits start popping up a bit... I love competition and this behavior reminds me of how addicted I was to online video games... Starting tomorrow, me and my SO are going to change our sleeping habits a bit to try and be more healthy. Sleep or not, we have to be in bed at the latest at 11 and we have to get out at 9. We want to have more productive days and better quality of sleep at night and I feel like this is a good move to do so. If one of us breaks this, we don't order out for a whole month and save money. If we make it, we order delicious, greasy food on the last night. Either way, win-win. Recent highlight: Being a badass Druid on the livestream slinging high level spells. Budget status: Still nothing to report. Should be getting some money coming in soon, though. My one goal for the next 24h: Clean the fridge. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Ok. -Make the bed - Ok. -Drink enough water - Almost a whole week now I've been drinking properly. Huzzah! -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it before I skype with my friends tonight. -No daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday, despite there being a cold beer in the fridge. -Meditation - SO is having a walk with a friend (safely, like distancing and all that jazz) so I'm enjoying my alone time for the moment ^^ -Exercise once this week - The knees are really becoming a thing. It's a good thing we're changing up the schedule because I really lack time to work out. And by that I mean I have loads of time that I fill with different things that are important to me. It's like things really need to start hurting and aching before I act on them...
  12. Detox day 51."Fixin' shit." The livestream last night was fun! We had about 16 ish viewers. Not a lot, but a fun bunch. We were all a bit off point though. We were so scared of dying or fucking up, we started to lose our edge. We weren't as funny as we usually were, also because of it all being a digital medium instead of us doing stuff and pulling shenanigans live. I ended up taking point often. I didn't really want to or be that risky with my character. But somebody needed to step up and progress things for the sake of entertainment. It's boring to watch 5 people fiddling with the lock of a door. Something you just need to kick it in and discover it was open all along so you can go to the next room/puzzle/monster... I did speak up at some point to make sure that we stepped it up a gear. We have our second livestream tonight, in a few hours. We're at 20% of the dungeon instead of the projected 50%. So either we skip shit tonight, amp it up and do it al waaay quicker or we'll plan another livestream. Probably the latter... In the mean time I'm writing even more lore, prepping stuff for the campaign and majorly enjoying it. I have a couple of hours planned out tomorrow to bite off a chunk of the work. Together with using this weekend to clean the kitchen. Again XD we keep baking stuff and cooking exotic food that requires a lot of our attention while cooking it, so we tend to leave the kitchen in disarray instead of cleaning it while we cook at the same time. On top of the cleaning and D&D-writing, I'm tackling the suction hood above our stove in the kitchen. The switch is being wonky so I'm going to have to take it all out, fix it and jam it back into place. It's tedious, McGuyver-like work. But I feel so masculine breaking out the toolbox and fixing stuff around the house. Recent highlight: Discovering we could watch a second extra episode of one of our favorite current reality shows. I love Temptation Island. It's like modern gladiators, but instead of death, they make out and cheat. It's hilarious. I also pity them a bit, some of the contestants seem Darwin Award-potentials. Budget status: Nothing to report. Waiting on some paperwork. My one goal for the next 24h: Fix the suction hood. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Already finished a bottle, next one coming. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'll do it a bit later today, so that I'm clean for the stream ^^ -No daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday. -Meditation - I feel like I'm getting more used to sharing a space 24/7 with my SO during this quarantaine. There are clear moments that are mine though, that's where I'm currently getting my mental fix from. -Exercise once this week - I was hoping to work out this weekend but I start my days so late nowadays. I wake up around noon due to sleeping issues. But in a few hours the stream is starting and I'm not sure I'll have the time to work out, clean the kitchen, fix the suction hood, and so on... UGH. Choices.
  13. Well, you didn't get this from me. But there are other ways to watch stuff if you have a bit of internet savvy 😉 Not that I'd do such a deplorable thing, of course. I'm nearing the end of the series and I'm blown away. It's been a while since I'd been able to sink my teeth into something so well crafted. Well, nobody is saying you couldn't do both? I just like Japanese more because I also like cooking Japanese food, Japanese TV, I've visited the country... I like Spanish as well and it'd be probably a more useful skill. But I'm just more passionate about Japan than I am about Spain so I progress quicker and enjoy it more. Maybe you should try it? If you like something, it's easier to grow into it more. Heck, you could still discover you like both and just learn two languages instead of one 😉
  14. Take care of yourself! 🙂 In a weird way I hope too you have it and it won't get worse than this. I guess that'd be the best of the worst case scenarios
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