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Phoenixking

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About Phoenixking

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  • Birthday 09/24/1990

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  1. Day 0. "Screaming at myself." Friday, I flew solo for the first time. Making sure about 200 customers get the experience they should be getting from about 80 actors. I went superwell. The producer was happy with me, everything just fell into place. I feel like I can truly call myself a production leader now. I'm still a bit anxious about telling people what to do. I like being likeable and popular. And sometimes having to boss people around is going to be part of my job. I guess I'll take that aspect one part at a time. Saturday it all fell apart. I'd been using Instagram to look up porn actresses. I viewed one account and then blocked it for my own safety. But there's so many of them. I kept looking some up, blocking them again and so on. In the end, I turned off my +18-browser filter and succumbed to porn. I was ready to write (another) Day 0-post like this one on Saturday already. But it went even deeper. I felt like I had given up and that if the dam cracks a little bit, you might as well break it all down, flush it and start again from scratch. My first drink of the day was a beer at 10 am that day. I spent almost the entire day playing video games... Same thing today... I can't seem to fucking stop. As it was all happening it was like I was no longer in control of my own body. I could feel parts of my brain taking over others. All I can do was take a backseat to it all, and watch. I remember distinctly screaming at myself as I let the compulsions take the upper hand, as if I was trapped inside a body that was no longer my own. I've been thinking about how that happened. I no longer had Netflix to rely on to relax. Nor did I start meditating or working out again. I also hadn't drank any coffee or alcohol due to a stomach infection. Right now those are my major stress relievers, Netflix, coffee and alcohol. I should probably add working out, meditating and seeing my friends more to that. I went out Saturday evening, though. It hit the spot. Singing and dancing the pain away. I'm not going to cut out alcohol or coffee yet. I'm going to keep abstaining from games, porn and watching Netflix in bed. And I'll try to add sports, being social and meditating to my weekly or daily habits. I hope that's going to be the right step in the right direction. Sometimes it all feels like I'm doing some sort of weird experiment on myself. Recent highlight: I was the solo production leader last Friday night and I nailed it! Budget status: My unemployment money file has been sent and I've just opened a shared bank account with my girl. Come January, we'll be splitting lots of costs, so yay! My one goal for the next 24h: Not break into two pieces and play games. Porn, I'm not so scared of for now. I need to delete the mobile game I've been binging. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Still going strong. -Make the bed - Still going strong. -Drink enough water - Takes a bit of extra effort now and then. This'll probably pick up again this week after I clean the kitchen. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - Slowly becoming a staple. -No daydrinking at home alone: I have one more beer to consume. Then I'll be off the sauce unless there's company involved. -Meditate once this week: not yet done -Be social once this week: not yet done -Exercise once this week: not yet done
  2. Day 21. "Career." The commercial went great. It was like a real Hollywood-set! I was constantly followed around by the make-up lady who would make sure I wasn't too hot or cold, or too shiny or dirty. The whole day there were people picking at my hair and clothes to make sure the shots and close-ups were just perfect. The catering was okay but the snacks were amazing. It's clear they had a crazy budget. I had so much fucking fun. There was a huge bed in the shape of a burger, a funny outfit, jokes all around, ... I felt like a kid in a candystore. I was allowed to be silly and funny and just enjoy myself. I was able to make the crew laugh so many times. I went home with a really accomplished feeling. I woke up this morning with another offer for a few days of shooting pictures. Same castingbureau. I think I may have made a good impression. I saw on social media that lots of my friends suddenly turned their profile pictures yellow for over 50%. I didn't know why. I read some very emotional statements about loving acting and so on... Then I read the news. The government is proposing to cut 60% of the budget for culture. That means dramatically less tv-shows, shorts, movies, ... A culture-sector-killer. This is exactly why I'm diversifying and trying to get also into coaching and cater to companies and become independant from theatershows or comedy and such. I'm happy I'm thinking long term and I'm sad this is happening to me and my friends. I've always hated our dysfunctional government. Gobbles up money, chews out the little man and runs away with shitloads of money through taxes and mismanagement. Ugh. I just hope nothing truly dramatic changes. Recent highlight: The commercial had me jumping up and down in a bed make to look like a huge hamburger. That's a dream come true. Budget status: Now that the commercial was done, I'm done with worrying about money for this year, I feel. If I could get that next gig, the photoshoot, I'd feel reassured we'd be fine until January, I think. Or maybe even February. My one goal for the next 24h: Knock tonight out of the park. I'm flying solo at my other job tonight. I'll have to lead a crew of 80+ actors, welcome 400+ guests and say the right things, do the right things, show leadership and cut tensions. I'm nervous on the one hand. But on the other hand I realize that it's waaay too soon for me to do this without my mentor. So if there's any mistakes, I can easily point out that I'm just not trained well enough to take on the entire enchilada of responsabilities on my own. So I'm pretty okay. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Nothing specific to report. Still going well. -Make the bed - Nothing to report. Still going well. -Drink enough water - Starting it back up again now that the stomach inflammation and the cold is backing down. I don't feel like I really broke it, I just replaced water with tea for a while but the app says it's not to be switched with something else than pure water. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - I'm slowly starting to clearly put this in my morning routine. I thought I would be a big hurdle. But it's getting easier to maintain this. -I've vowed to drink my last two beers at home yesterdayevening. So when I drink those, at some point in the future, I'll start a new habit: no more daydrinking and drinking tea and doing something relaxing instead, like meditating.
  3. I agree with how addictions are mostly just symptoms of underlying bigger issues. And often when you decide to start cleaning your life up a bit more, you have to start being becoming aware of the muck that is present. When you see what should be changed for the first time properly, it's daunting and confronting... I remember the first few entries of my diary. I suddenly got given a whole new look on my relationship. It lasted for a few more conflicts and then I realized that I'd gotten myself stuck in a pretty toxic situation. I can empathize with realizing that there's some flies in the soup and that it might take a lot of effort and time to remove them. Your parents, your partner, yourself. I do want to give you major props for coming to that realization; every change starts with finding out what needs to change. This is a big step in your awareness. Congrats! And I wish you shitloads of strenght :) :)
  4. Day 19. "Break?" I didn't really actually do anything yesterday, I feel. Like I went to my business class, but I was still a bit under the weather. I'd given myself a day or two off due to being sick. I wasn't that sick yesterday, so I kept my burners low. But today there's just so much to do, check, arrange and prepare... Sometimes I love how fast-paced my life is. I have hobbies, career opportunities and I'm trying my best to expand the career to be able to cover all of my basic expenses. But holy shit, it's a lot of work. I'm starting to feel like I need to step it up a notch. My regular life is so speedy that when I'm out of it for a few days, it really shoves my nose into how inhumanely fast it all actually is. Don't get me wrong, I get crazy shit done, I'm proud of it all and it's way better than what I used to do. But I do realize clearly that I'm not going to be able to do this for 10 years so I need to make sure there's some form of structure and rythm here for the long run. I guess today will be all about picking up enough speed to get back into the daily grind. Recent highlight: Watching 'Rory O'Shea Was here' with my girl yesterday. I cried so much. Also because it reminded me of my dead aunt and grandma. I love having a partner where I can just let emotions out without issues. Being a couple with her takes no effort whatsoever. I've been in very toxic relationships and I'm very blessed to have her. Budget status: Well, I guess in the middle of all the chaos, I should probably start budgeting again. I'll have to get an accountant for my business too. But WHEN? O.O XO so busy! My one goal for the next 24h: Prep the commercial for tomorrow. Turns out it's all in French... No native language of mine or English (the stuff I used in the casting demo). Nope. French. I have one day to learn the lines and we start at 7 am in a city a few hours over. YOWZA. Then again, it does pay super well so I guess the effort is worth the cashola. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - I keep breaking my streak whenever I have to work super hard. It knocks me out and this no longer bothers me. The app sends me enough reminder anyway. Still growing this plant, tending to it and enjoying it! -Make the bed - Still going strong. Often, on regular days, it just happens automatically. I like that I made this habit a thing! Show the malleableness of a human. -Drink enough water - I've missed a few days. But I was sick and slurping buckets of tea, so that counts for something. It's easier for me whenever I have regular days at home to pull this off. The app helps too. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - It seems this habit is slowly slipping into my pattern! I did it this morning again, almost without thinking about it. Whenever I have to rush towards someplace, it doesn't happen. This is more of a 'regular day' habit, I feel.
  5. Don't date the people you teach, man. Don't shit where you eat. Keep work and private life separate. Trust me.
  6. Day 18. "Commercial." I was out for a few days. The D&D-sesh was one of the best ones ever! Combat, stealth, social stuff, mystery and raising the stakes! Very happy with that! Friday I had the taping of my first episode. The voice directing wasn't so hard. I just had to keep an eye on the quality of it all. The actors were absolutely amazing. I had booked about 3 hours of studio time and they nailed in 2! Even with a long break included! This is a very good sign for the future! Now all that's left is editing and post-production. I'm so fucking excited. It was amazing to be able to be in the studio and see the voice-acting get done, make jokes with the whole crew, ... A dream come true. An utter mindfuck. Then I left for my weekend job. Hard but fun. Very hard and I'm starting to really feel that being one of the bosses of a crew of 80 actors has its challenges. I like being popular and well-liked. I might have to step on a few toes here and there to make the policies work. I don't like it, but I'll have to do it, though. I also learned that I had gotten booked for a Burger King commercial this week. I had to get rid of my beard, though. I had a big great bushy beard but now it's gone. But I get paid about 2000 for 1 day of shooting. Isn't that an insane amount?! I also had gotten sick. Holy fuck did that hurt... I was getting a bit of a cold, raspy voice, throat stuff, ... I had taken some NSAID before I went to bed and it fucked up my stomach badly. It kept hurting like a motherfucker all day. I was working but in soooo much pain 😞 I had the day off Sunday and Monday and just chilled around the house, went to see family and visited the grave of my grandma. Pretty nice all round. It was lovely to be able to slow down my usual insanely speeding steamtrain and take a breather. I'm still not 100% but there's too much to do to be able to lay down and relax. Recent highlight: Getting the fancy commercial gig! Budget status: The commercial gig nets me a lot of money. I'll be safe till the end of the year now, I think. And starting on the 1 of January, my girl is officially moved in so all costs get cut in two! We even have a shared account since this week ^^ My one goal for the next 24h: Just be and stay productive. I have 2 days working from home today and tomorrow. I want to use the properly. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Winning streak of 9 days! I might break it Saturday, though. It's going to be hella busy. -Make the bed - Still going strong. Even my girlfriend now does it because she sees me doing it. She says she does it for me, but I'm sure there's some form of habit growing there! -Drink enough water - Nothing specific to report. I try to maintain it as best as I can and when I'm at home I usually pull it off. If I'm on the road, not so much. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did clean my teeth this morning! So with a bit of an effort, I can maintain this, I guess? I'm still not sure about the three brushes a day, though. Maybe I should adjust this to a more realistic expectation?
  7. Thank you! It's taken quite some time and some big, big changes, though. But I'm pretty happy with what I've accomplished so far! It's taken therapy and some really tough choices, even cutting a few people out of my life to be able to quit gaming. And then when I was tackling porn, I felt like I was fighting against my own mind. Insane! I feel like the biggest battles against addiction are behind me. But I still like keeping this diary to give myself some structure. I was addicted for about a decade and a half. It takes more than a few months to fully recover. But I feel like I'm on the right track ^^
  8. Day 13. "Priorities." The business class is super interesting. I'm learning all about how to optimize your investments and money. Accounting gives me a headache, though. I'm not a numbers guy, but I do like finding ways to get around the system. But to be able to call yourself clever and find loopholes, you have to do the grind first and learn how the system actually works. Ugh. I had to cancel my plans with my friends tomorrow night. Because of a scheduling issue I have to go to work. Oh, it's not so bad, I think. Making money and I see my friends often enough. Once or twice a month. They'll manage without me ^^ It was playing Call of Ctulhu. Tomorrow I'll have a busy day and Saturday will be equally demanding. Tomorrow I start the day with the recording of my radioshow. I'm very curious what the result will be. Hopefully it's all funny and compelling enough to be granted more than a pilot. I'd love to make an actual show and release it as a podcast! In the evening I have work as a production leader in my cool acting job. I'm transforming more and more from actor to leader. It's funny that suddenly everybody comes at me with questions and I have to pretend to know it all XD I'm pretty demanding, though. Especially for myself. So I try to be as lean as possible towards others, because I know I can demand quality but tend to exagerate a bit. Recent highlight: Had a lovely dinner with my girl last night and the improv class after that was amazing! I love it when they bring musicians in to help us learn stuff and play with music and rythm and timing. It just flew by! I want more! There's 3 more music classes coming up every Wednesdayevening and I'm planning to make it to them all! Budget status: Gave my schedule to the coaching firm. Basically told them to jam as much in there as they could. I'll be without any money in about a week and I'd hate to have to go temping. Might as well try to go full blast, right? My one goal for the next 24h: Get my paperwork and prepping in order for the next 2 days and then have fun at the D&D-sesh tonight Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Winning streak of 9 days! I might break it Saturday, though. It's going to be hella busy. -Make the bed - Still going strong. Even my girlfriend now does it because she sees me doing it. She says she does it for me, but I'm sure there's some form of habit growing there! -Drink enough water - Nothing specific to report. I try to maintain it as best as I can and when I'm at home I usually pull it off. If I'm on the road, not so much. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did clean my teeth this morning! So with a bit of an effort, I can maintain this, I guess? I'm still not sure about the three brushes a day, though. Maybe I should adjust this to a more realistic expectation?
  9. Day 12. "Education." So the meeting was amazing. It's a company that grants small business loans to first-time-starters and also helps out in terms of education, courses and coaching. I basically told them I was still setting up all my domino pieces and was waiting for them all to line up before I actually hit the button. I got info about soooo many things, ... Banks, loans, insurances, organisations that could help me manage things or learn stuff, ... And I enrolled in all of their free courses. Business management basics, Marketing, Accounting, ... I figured if it's free, I might as well take as much info as I could, right? And if it turns out to be useless (because if you're good at something, never do it for free), I can just walk away with no issues. I had a productive day and yesterday was my first part of the business course. So many things to look up and see if it could be useful to me. And the teacher is very clever too, I've already learned so much. I just hope I remember it all 😛 I did take notes, but still. It's sooooo much information to try and maintain. Thank heavens I'm a smarter than the average bear. There is 1 thing weighing on me, though. This whole plan of starting a business was made with safety nets. I am planning to first get unemployment cheques, which in itself is a bit of a hassle because I was not fired, but I quit my job myself. So it's going to take a few weeks of white knuckling it and working shitty temp jobs to make money while I prep for starting the business AND will be moving in with my girl. So that's a pretty steep hil on its own. BUT. There is this thing the unemployment office grants called 'Springboard to independence'. It's basically a program that allows you to become a business owner and helps you set it up, but for 1 year you still get your unemployment money. That is my plan. Normally, everything was in place. I had the union rep willing to help me with the paperwork and everything. I called agencies to double check everything to make sure that I'm not missing anything vital. On the website it says that one of the reasons you could be refused, is if they find out you quit your job only to try and get into this program. It's meant to boost up and help people looking for a job to make their own living and grow, not for some already rich dude to abuse the system and get free money for a year. So they protect it a bit. And today I read that you're not allowed to use this program if you quit your job yourself... Which I did because of the bore-out. Because the doctor said I couldn't be fired for medical reasons because a bore-out isn't serious enough. Something which another several few doctors told me is bullshit. Something I could have formally gone in against but I didn't know I was allowed to do so... So now I'm a bit scared that it's all going to fail. And I feel like I'll only get that answer in a month or so... I'll email them just to be sure. But to explain the details of my question, I'd have to explain the entire situation to show how nuanced it is. And to ask if I could get into the program despite my rather specific circumstances, would already kind of be the equivalent of formally requesting entry; something I'd rather do via the union and using all the different kinds of documentation to solidify my request... I guess I'm just scared. I'm having another business class tomorrow and their company is at home in this kind of stuff, so I guess I'll ask them first. I assume they have experience with these kinds of matters... Recent highlight: Last night I had a stand-up comedy night. I didn't go so well, but I did feel more at ease with the other comedians. I also learned ALOT about hosting my open mic, money management and about how I look on stage. It was not a very good show I did, but I did learn loads! Budget status: Well, it seems that for now I'm good. Paid my rent and about to pay my insurances. I'll do my best to make my rent this month and I hope I'll be out of this valley then. My one goal for the next 24h: Have a fun and productive day today, working at home. And also enjoy my improv/singing class tonight! Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - When I have time in the morning to wake up properly, I keep doing this, so all good! -Make the bed - I can't remember the last time this one fell through! -Drink enough water - I try not to put too much pressure on this. When I'm at home, it's véry easy to maintain because my app keeps reminding me. But when I'm on the road it's a lot harder. Also I have to pee a lot and that can be annoying 😜 but the days I do do it, I think, compensate for the days that I'm unable to. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - Sometimes I'm home late and so tired I just crash into the bed, so no brushing then. I did clean my teeth, though. I'll try to do it more frequently but it still kind of feels like an assignment.
  10. Keep going, bud! Sounds like you're planting the right kinds of seeds right now, to be harvested later on with more ROI. Remember to try and not whiteknuckle the porn-stuff, change your values, change the way you look at it and why you do it and more importantly why you want to quit it. I took me a couple of relapses. After I went 45 days without it, I cracked and it felt horrible. But that feeling made me realize why I wanted to change that behaviour and that was the final push I needed to change my mindset about it.
  11. Day 10. "" So it's been busy. I was a cocktailmaker going 100 mph on Thursday. Great fun, love the pressure of having to cater to 80 people at once. But it's clear that the organisation is not as professional about it as I am. I work for an improv company and I teach for them and do gigs and am part of the players. But it's something that is growing rather slowly. I try not to fuss about it but it's mainly because the leader has trust issues and won't let anyone come near taking on more responsabilities. It's not my pig, not my farm. But I take cocktails seriously. We didn't have enough ingredients to start with. How can I make cocktails if the ingredients aren't there?! Friday was a blast but draining. My friends came over with breakfast, took me grocery shopping and went on to stay the whole day making food for the other friends who'd arrive later in the afternoon. After dinner I hosted a killer D&D-session where they faced their first dragon. I just hope I did it well. It's so hard to do right sometimes. I was slacking off a bit but now that this part is over, I'm ready to commit to going wild on the next chapter. It was also pretty great to see my friends be so friends-y. It made me realize that moving to this city was a good move on my part. They're good people. My career has given me opportunities to move away and grow. But I'm not so eager to because of them. I was offered a position to direct a theatre group a few hours away. I'd probably have to move to pull it off. I refused. I don't think it'd be a good move to leave my friends again. I've done it once before and it would just break my heart. It all feels good now. Together with my girlfriend I feel like I built up a good safety net here. We're around 30 ish and some of the have houses that need building or fixing, or kids that need babysitting. It might hurt my career a bit, but I feel like my place is among them. Close enough to help out and close enough to ask for help. My girl's always had this fantasy of living in the same couple of blocks as a bunch of friends so we can have our kids grow up together. Saturday was hard. The first to days were rather busy. I had to teach a class and do a comedy night. And then Sunday morning I had an event to work at. I spent the remainder of the day with my girl. Véry relaxing. We ended up playing boardgames instead of watching Netflix. As far as abstaining goes, so far, so good. But holy shit is it hard... Not gaming is okay for now. It's the thing that troubles me the least but it's also the thing that is able to sneak up on me the best. Porn is also okay for now. I clearly notice I still have tendencies. But my brain is more clean that it used to be and I actually get headaches when I see too much x-rated stuff. It's like I just can't handle the chemical reaction anymore. Quitting Netflix at night or listening to anything at night is hard. My girl has been instrumental in this. I've been reading more and I'll get a good reading lamp soon. I even deleted the app just a few minutes ago. That's a huge step. But mind you, I should have started with that. It's taken me 10 days. And I still have trouble falling asleep now and then. The long journey is far from over. This week will mark my final week 'chillaxing'. My sick pay stops on the 17th so I need to make sure I get some kind of temp job. I've been thinking about the coaching job I was offered. It's tempting to throw myself into that for several weeks instead of temping. It pays better but it might be too much too fast. Luckily, I can hit the brakes whenever I want and the good thing about temp jobs is that they are everywhere because they are so shitty and nobody wants to do them. Recent highlight: I saw a former colleague at the event I was working at. I cringed and felt weird. I quit that place and never showed my face in the past 6 months. I just went on sick leave and never came back. But then I realized that I shouldn't be ashamed at all. I stood up for what I thought was right and did it in a way that gave me the least amount of obstacles. I'm not a bad person that throws other people under the bus. I had been telling my superiors what I'd been feeling for ages. If anything, HE should be afraid of ME! He was the one sexually harassing people and management was ignoring it because he works in Sales and does his job well. I was unsure of myself and scared, but I realized that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I was the speaker and presenter of the event, the host. He was in my house, not the other way around. I didn't confront or seek him out. I just left after my shift was over. Budget status: It's starting to improve slightly. But I really should get my laptop back or start a new budget file... I feel like I should make this a priority, but there's soooo many things on my plate, it's tough to find a balance. My one goal for the next 24h: Go the the meeting I've set for new small business owners and after that paperwork and groceries. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - I've been busy so a few holes here and there. But it's seems like I'm still okay. It's not like I'm losing this habit. It's just that I'm not perfect. -Make the bed - Almost seem to do it automatically. Feels good! Starting to link this habit to brushing my teeth. -Drink enough water - I did not make my daily goal like 4 days in a row. Just a couple of glasses here and there. But my life is so chaotic because I do 100 different jobs that it's hard to create stability. I should try and put clearing out the spare room and building a work space into my planner. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - I think I brush in the morning and the evening. Sometimes during the day too. But cleaning and flossing is hard to pick up. I feel like there's already a lot going on. Maybe I should get an app for this too?
  12. Totally man! I always say that it's us two vs the problem and not to let issues come between us. It does take a shitload of communication, though. It's no longer your girlfriend, it's also your roommate. My place is messier now, shit keeps dissappearing because she's so chaotic and I've become a bit more neurotic and controlling. But we try to accept each other and have fun nevertheless. A challenge, for sure. But not insurmountable.
  13. Thanks ^^ Rest assured that I'm only human and still have to deal with loads of self-inflicted bullshit. I haven't been able to forgive myself and let go of spending so much lost time on games and porn. It's like I try to live life nowadays at twice the speed so that I can somehow compensate for lost time. But obviously burning that candle at two sides at the same time is going to make sure there's hell to pay. Though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't somehow proud of myself.
  14. Thinking of you buddy, sending good vibes!
  15. Day 5. "Habits." Last night, had a good improv training. Then when I came home, the girlfriend had cleaned and helped out with all of the moving stuff. We stayed up late making sure everything was organised in a way we both like. There are still some bugs in our system. Like she's very wasteful with food and that drives me crazy. Not just because of the moral issues and the difference in lifestyles (she's used to living more opulently), but also because of the waste of money. I can't fathom how she can just throw food away frivolously when she complains every other day that money is tight. I guess she still has a lot to learn. So do I. It did feel like a good, productive day though. I spent a lot of time working on the script of the radio show. Taping the pilot is next week. I'll mail the script to the actors today and set everything up. So exciting. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot of work! And for now it's all unpaid. But I really love writing and it's so cool to see it come alive. I'm so happy that taking initiative and just going up to the radio station and asking for a shot has gotten me this far. This is all my own creation, looking for the right people to help me, no budget, ... And yet everybody is enthousiastic and happy to help. I really hope the pilot will sound great after post-production. I'm hoping to sit with the editor to learn about how it all works. That way we can split the load if we get permission to make 8 more episodes. Combined with my promotion to production leader and what I'll be doing later today, I feel very happy and proud. Sowing my seeds and nurturing them is slowly yielding results. Which brings us to later today. I have an interview with a coaching company. They use freelancers to guide people, companies and students through issues. I told them about my skills and they felt I'd be a great match. It'd save me a shitload of money since they offer an internal education to coaching and practical experience. On top of which, they'd like me to focus on students because that's their main market. It's not what I really want, but it's a good step forwards since I'm coming from nothing at all. And in the long run, it's a great idea to be able to diversify my skillset. If I can coach students AND be well-versed in how to pitch, present and speak in public, suddenly there's a whole new market of educators, post-docs, reseachers and academics that I could coach. I'm very enthousiastic. It's also very ironic. I always felt that people who help others like therapists, coaches, psychiatrists and such, ... have an enourmous responsability to be sane people themselves. Because how could you help somebody else heal if you are broken yourself? I still fight some demons on a daily basis. So it feels a bit pretentious in a way to put myself in a position where I teach others how to deal with issues, because I'm still dealing with that same shit myself. On the other hand it gives a lot of practical experience... In any case, I really want the gig and the 'free' degree that comes along with it so I'm totally aiming for the stars here. Recent highlight: Last night I did a very funny and silly voice, portraying an old sage-like man. I don't know why but I really enjoyed it. Also getting my script up to 75% done in 1 day was pretty boss. Budget status: I'm playing with fire here, I should check my shit daily but have been neglecting my budget. Called up the insurance agency and talked about transferring ownership of my car to my girl. I have accidents in my file, she'd have a clean sheet so the price would be diminished by a factor of, what the fuck, 6! But alas... She's a brand new driver with 0 experience. So it's faster to just wait for my accidents on file to dissapear. They no longer matter if they were 5 years ago, so after a while, you get a clean sheet again... Ugh. My one goal for the next 24h: Let go of all stress tonight. It's the last fancy dinner I've planned with my girl. Also have a productive afternoon and a great interview at the coaching firm. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - It seems that if I have time in the morning to wake up properly and according to my own rythm, I do it automatically. -Make the bed - Almost seem to do it automatically. Feels good! Starting to link this habit to brushing my teeth. -Drink enough water - If I'm at home or have a normal day, water seems to be no issue at all. I get thirsty and try to use the app to keep it all up. For now, no issues but it's not automatic yet. -Brush teeth three times a day, floss and clean once a day - The brushing in the morning and the evening are starting to become a thing. It still takes a bit of discipline though. I should try and be more mindful and do this because I want to, because of who I am and what values this act represents and less so because of discipline.
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