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NEW PODCAST: Dealing with Gaming Nostalgia

Alexanderle

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  1. But I think that they still are. They are the sign that there is still something in games, which is attracting to you. They mean something for you. It is impossible to get away, when they mean something. Don't try to run away from your love. You will always go back. No need to count the days of emptiness, because they are a counter until you return to it. Recovery requires changes in lifestyle and behavior. I am not telling you to stop gaming. I am telling you to explore, what else is out there. I fell in love with my studies and working out. Of course there is something out there for you as well. Just keep trying. But with intention. Why do you want to learn html or python? I think a good reason is important. I could name you 5 to 10, why I am working out so much. It is not just to do something else. So really focus on doing something else and explore your new identity. I started this process, while I was still playing games. For almost eight months. So there is always a possibility that you are still in this situation, where not playing games is to hard, because you have not developed those alternatives, which are so strong that there really is no point in playing games. Do you understand, how I mean this? ^^
  2. This is the ultimate proof that you are a gamer. Without evaluating it. A non-gamer is not thinking about this, because he has "better" things to do than play games. But yeah, I just wrote about something like this in another thread. For me, those programs are games. They have mechanisms to get you addicted and are something different that just card games, you play in real life. A game itself is nothing good or bad, it is just the question, what it does with you! So ask yourself: What are those games doing with you? Do you want to be a gamer or a non gamer? I think those are important questions to consider.
  3. cool. I did not know that one before. I used programs for that purpose, but this one seems to be quite a good piece of software. This is such an interesting objective: When is it called "gaming". I think, ultimately, everyone should come up with his or her own conclusion. I for instance, have this definition: "A program, which has set mechanisms you have to follow and mechanisms, which are intended to keep you playing. In addition, the game itself is not the main objective, but the atmosphere, it creates." For instance, with that definition, I can not play rocket league, because things like elos, cosmetics, events or buttons to jump into the next match as fast as possible have this aim to keep you invested. The same with games like candy crush or basically most steam games. Just installing a steam account is something, which I consider "gaming". However, some browser "games" like skribbl for instance, do not fall into this category. They are just offering a platform to allow to paint something and other people have to guess. Sure, it is a game, but there are no developers behind, which have elos, tournements or whatever. Very occasionally, I play this with some friends. It is fun and than I don't do it for weeks or months. I am really more interested to laugh with some people, have a fun time, while doing something. I don't even care, whether I win or don't. Actually, I never do. ^^ So this is my personal definition. If I look at chess, it would fall into the same category like steam games: You have these competetive elements, to keep you hooked, you can quickly jump into the next game anytime and the game is the main objective. So... But what when you play a game of chess with a friend via skype? With a real board, which is right in front of you, while he or she also has a real wodden board on his or her desk? The only difference is the absence of a program and the elements to keep you hooked. However, it is still something different for me. But this is, where it gets tricky. Where is the line? Everyone has to make a decision in this regard. So instead, the goal should not be to decide based on some criteria, what makes it a game or not, but rather, what it does with you! Are you still in control? Can you stop it any second? Do you care about it so much that you actively think about it, while during other things? Are you thinking so much about doing it that you immedieately want to get back to it? You know those "addictive thoughts". I think, this might be a good starting point to make a decision.
  4. Hey man, good to see you on the forum. And let me tell you that your situation is not that special like all the others. You can become addicted to every type of game. Some people are addicted to card games, I enjoyed Rocket League a lot, other people play candy crush. Also your reasons, why you want to quit, I can recognize myself, whethert it is the growing part of toxicity. My advice is to start your own journal in the journal section. You can use it to write down, whatever you feel is right. Maybe describe your day or your expectations. Has been very helpful for me, even though I am normally not the typical journal or diary guy. Besides that, hope to hear from you and gl!
  5. What do you think? 😄 According to your logic, hearthstone would not be a game either...
  6. Dating apps are something, I really had no success yet. I kinda had two interesting women, I talked to, but then the contact kinda got lost. The fact that I don't have a very big social life right now makes me feel bad sometimes. But I am glad that the dating thing is working great for you! And I just found that previous post, where you explained the forex thing. So now I know. xD
  7. I don't know, whether it is a generalized depression. I think, before I slowly started to chance my life, I was pretty close and yeah sometimes it feels like it. I hope, over time all of that will go away together with the negative habits.
  8. I guess that you are right. Why I am not trying some new approaches, I should also take this insight into consideration. Thanks. So true. But man, it really sucks!
  9. I agree, it really is not healthy. I understand. I felt the same with language learning and painting. But while I gave those things up for the moment, you are still on 3d modeling. That means something. So don't force it, just let it come naturally to you.
  10. That is a very strong realization. If we are dong something the way, we were gaming, I am not sure, we should even call it still hobby. But that is not important. The important part is this: Even very smart people need a break. They could maybe concentrate for 2 hours and really focus, but that they have to rest. 3d modeling is not easy to do, nothing you can do mindlessly next to other things. I would say doing that for 2 or 3 hours is more than awesome. Don't be too hard on yourself.
  11. What is forex? I don't understand.
  12. It is all part of the journey @Captain_Pilz You are experimenting. It seems like a failure, but this is exactely, like it is supposed to be. Think of the analogy of a bodybuilder. You just lifted a bit too much and fell on the ground. Now you can stand up again and put less weight on. Or you can cry and run out of the gym. Motivation is bullshit. Motivation is not reliable. What matters is the story, you tell yourself. Your identity, you develop. The end goal is not important. All what matters, is the here and now. There is something, what you said, which indicates that you have understood that perfectly. This one sentence is soooo big that it should be pinned everywhere: We could take this even a step further and say that it is not the skill, which matters, but the way towards the skill. It is not the focus on my abilitiy to lift very heavy, but my journey towards this ability - all those days of sweating in the gym. That is basically the main concept of James Clear and his atomic habits. This way of thinking made it easy for me to beat my procrastination habit as well as my sugar and gaming addictions. You are becoming more sophisticated. You develop during this process. Many ideas, I had at first, I let go. Believe me, you are on the right way. Everything is fine!!! There is no cycle, just a long and never ending journey. You will never reach the goal. Never! Once you reach it, it will be nice for a short moment, but it is more like a byproduct of the process itself. Because the moment, you reached it, you already want something else. You are growing man!
  13. I have never written stuff like in this post before. I hope that whoever reads this, treats it confidentially. I am glad that noone really knows my true identity here. And I think that eventually, I might delete it at a certain time, when it has no power over me again. But for now, I need to get it out to get rid of this "thing" inside me, which controls me. So I have two big things in my mind now, which today made me think a lot. First about those two things and "realizations" then a short description of my day. 1. Finishing So I made a commitment to myself to actually finish things. I have for instance this weird habit to start a series and then stop in the middle. One could say that it is just not an enjoyable series for me then. But like I said already: One of my most beloved series turned me off at first and then I rewatched it and I got hooked (breaking bad). This tells me that my feelings of quitting something cannot me trusted. It is more like a temporary moodswing, which makes me stop. And I know that this habit is not just affecting series and movies, but also pretty much everything else. So now I want to go with the "Bill Gates way" for a while: He finishes every book, regardless what happens, regardless whether he enjoys it. This is more like an experiment to see, how it makes me feel, to develop this "finishing habit". I really have nothing to lose here, since the habit of not finishing really makes me feel bad. 2. Quitting porn This is a tough one. I had a pretty good stretch from november until the time of january, where I had this one night stand. Who thought that a one night stand can be so bad for you. The thing itself was quite enjoyable at the time. There is this issue that I did not use a condome. She said that it is fine, because she is preventing, so I am not afraid regarding pregnancy bullshit, but more in terms of std's. Once this corona stuff is over, I am gonna get myself checked out. The chance of having something is quit unlikely, but I am a bit hypochondriac in this regard. If I would have some hiv shit becaue of that, I would be pretty pissed at myself. Again, very unlikely, but you never know. Another thing is the fact that I just don't feel good about myself regarding my own responsibility. I should be smarter. And I will be smarter in the future. The next thing is that I just don't feel good about myself in general. In the movies, these one night stand are just so funny and enjoyable for the characters. The reality is different. Ever since that, I am not interested in casualities anymore. It is crazy, how fast we have to realize that something, we kinda dreamed about is so different in reality. 😕 I am still kinda glad to have these bad thoughts out of my mind and on "paper". Might be helpful to deal with it easier. Anyways, the problem is that it made me go back to pornography as this safe haven, where I kinda do, whatever I want without any negative consequences. Without any responsibility for myself or other people. All about my primal desires. But the problem is that it makes me feel bad. So this will stop now! I was listening to some interesting things by Dr. Jordan Peterson, who I think is a very smart guy. He kinda made me realize something, which is close to what booksandtrees already said that I just don't have anything else to replace the porn habit with: He said that it is not about quitting porn, but trying to have a better life. How could my life look like, if I would take care of myself, like I would take care of a person I personally care for. And Peterson also indicated that it is smart to write down, how my life would be in a positive way AND in a negative way, so if I would have not taken care of myself. And this is so true. It is the solution. It worked for me to quit sugar. Regarding sugar, I am always pointing out towards the benefits of muscles, sixpack and appreciation by other people (even though this is an illusion) and on the flipside becoming fat and ugly. This is so powerful - this narrative alone makes me so strong and resistant against sugar that you could put every sweet in the world right in front of me: I would still ignore it. So yeah, let's do this now with porn. Once and for all. Let's get this story down and add it to my identity. I know that I am capable to turn the switch around. No porn ever! Positive: If I stop porn, I will feel good about myself. The same confidence, I also get when I don't eat sweats... for porn it will be twice as much. It will give me a lot more willpower, but also valuable time, which I don't have to spend on finding the "right" video. I will feel good about my sexuality, I have nothing to hide in my browser history and I will feel free! I will just come one step closer to my true desired identity and will be more at ease with myself. I am a strong, responsible person, no need for this crap. Also I am no longer willing to accept that I am helping an industry, which treats its "actors", both males and females (even though probably more the females) like complete shit. I am reading something about ethics and morality in university, but are still supporting this? This is not right. It has to stop. It is not real on my screen, but very real for those actors. When I feel like crap after just this single one night stand, how most they feel after years? 😮 Negative: If everything stays like that, I will get erection problems again. You have no idea, what kind of power pornography had. Now think about, how my life looked back in the days, where sugar, procrastination, fast food, games as well as porn all together controlled me! I was a zombie. Literally! I was not myself, captured in a dreamworld. A bad dream that is. I don't want to go back. But porn is always a gateway back to those old times. If everything stays, porn will humiliate me. I humiliate myself. I am serious with that. I now write down some of the porn things, I watched. Only once, never again. But this should be enough, to finally gain control. To not feel embarrassed and ashamed. Please be confidential with that. You should understand, how it made me feel, when I looked for humiliation videos, of people giving me instructions, spitting on me, beating me or kicking me. Those hentai videos, where monsters were literally raping me. Some of them actually gaming characters. How ironic! Gangbang shit, 3d stuff. Awful. I have a very normal sexuality, I like girls obviously, but this porn stuff is nothing like that. It is a deep black hole, which sucks you in. And I can't even blame the actors, who also are sucked in in this hole and have to pretend, how much they like it. This is a bad industry. And if everything stays like it is, I am not only a victim of this industry, but a vital part of it. No more! That's it! How was today? How was the rest of my day? Awesome - learning pretty much the whole day and working out. I am at my complete peak. Corona has no power over me. Other students are demotivated. For me, this situation is absolutly normal. I am used to stay home all day. My goal will be to become more social and get out more, once this is over. But, for the first time ever, it is not me being too late to the dinner party. Everyone is late. Everyone wants to go back to the dinner. I am one of many. But in this "corona-environment" we, the ex-gamers, should feel like kings. Who could adept better to this situation than us? So yeah, I am the best most hard working student of my class. Not a single person has the abilities to come even close to my capabilities. I am in charge now. 😉
  14. hey my friend. Let me just tell you something: Don't be so hard on yourself. I am also not good in writing a journal every day. So actually, I don't do it. I just write in my journal, whenever I feel like it. For some people, it is very beneficial to collect their thoughts and what there observations of their behavior on a daily basis, for other people like you and me and can easily become hard work. Doesn't mean that you and I are weak. Also regarding relapses, many people also thing that they are a sign of weakness in the sense that we were to weak to resist our urges. This is also not true. I say that relapses are part of the process, they are INEVITABLE. I think therefore I have this unpopular belief that counting your days is a waste of energy. Especially resetting the counter everyday. Why does a relapse mean that you have to stop counting and start over? I think you might as well just continue, where you left. Those relapses are a thing, where you can learn something: Why did you relapse? What need is not fulfilled? Maybe something, you initially thought is working turned out to be a bad idea. Whatever it is, relapses are very important in that sense. Turn them into your friends. 🙂 So true. I have been following athlean X for months. Jeff really knows his shit. I am lucky enough to have dumbbells etc. at home, but I sometimes use his insights as well.
  15. Same. And like I already mentioned - you said why we are struggling with it: We do no have a valuable alternative. Therefore, I don't think that for people like you and me, something like nofap in general is valuable. I for instance think that it is a lame pseudoscience without reason. For other people, it might be a thing of valuable. I can say that once I had a short one night stand for a couple of days and porn was completely not an option. After a while, it kinda came back, the porn habit that is. Not only because of the absence of sex. There were other reasons. One of them was that I kinda regretted the one night stand. Anyways, I think that instead of trying to resist and not to do it, we should focus on our mindset and identity towards porn as well as looking our for alternatives. Not focusing on the emptyness, but on the richness of something else. It worked for gaming. It should also work for this thing. We just need to find that thing.
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