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Alexanderle

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About Alexanderle

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  1. Never let hate control you. Still up to this day I sometimes dream about killing my former class mates and bullies from school in various pathetic ways. I think I should not blame them. Back then I was just very unsocial. I don't think I would have liked myself a lot. So it has to start with you and positive vibes. Trusting yourself and standing in for your argument. But it is a very tough topic. I am not so sure about this as well. But in osychology we learn the people are modtly in their own bubble and interpret everything to make it fit with their current mental models
  2. The day yesterday was incredibily buy and hectic. But I accomplished quite a lot and it was super hard work straight from the morning to the evening. Today I received some grades and they are very good. So the hard work the last couple of weeks really payed off. Basically, I do not need to write the exams tomorrow and I think I won't even though I said that I will. I just don't see the point. The only reason would be that I really fucked up the one missing exam, but I highly doubt it. So that should be alright. Today was very weird and I almost saw myself loosing it. Because of the grades and that everything is done, I had nothing to do in the afternoon, so I watched some basketball and sleep a bit. The woman, I am "dating" right now was not really answering per whatsapp, which really annoyed me and like immediately the jealousy and bad mood switch was activated. While I was laying there on the couch, I actually for a moment felt some emptiness inside. She replied already to be stressed out right now and I just belive her I guess. But for this short moment I briefly thought about gaming. Not in terms of relapsing, but it was more like all of my outer layers, habits and current attitudes were washed away and below down there was this little monster waiting to get out. What to do in this moment? Do something! Really do something! Not passively watching tv or game. Nothing consumerismic (is that a word XD). But something active. I will workout later. I ordered a birthday gift for a friend and now I will apply for this yoga course in university. And then I will start working for that next module. I still have many weeks for that, but like they say in germany: The early bird catches the worm. I will not go back to where I started. Even if I loose everything.
  3. I experienced it several times. You get all hyped up about the environmental change and the future, but once you are getting used to your environment it is still a struggle and hard. It all starts within I think. Just say ing that you cannot rely on the future or your surroundings.
  4. Ok, I managed to stay up at 5. So challenge completed. No I just have to see, what happens today. I am motivated and willing to work.
  5. @seriousjay it was the game changer for me. Like literally. Without that I would still be in a miserable place. Good to hear that you also got better.
  6. I think there is only two ways to become a millionaire: Either you are born as one or you have to offer a service, for what people are willing to pay. And you don't need bullshit videos on youtube telling you how to do it. It is all about, what you can give you the community. Don't think about it as taking money. You give first! And if you only do it with the purpose to become rich, you will fail, I think.
  7. I am still a bit tired, but I got something done: - Learning for programming Check - Cleaning appartment Check - Cleaning my aquarium Nope - Working on the other programming project not really - Maybe looking into the lectures of the next exam nope - Looking for statistical measures of my regular project yes but only shortly - Maybe a tiny bit of small talk at the supermarket very very tiny, but it was more an extended have a nice relaxed shift ^^ Guess better than nothing. Not ready for smalltalk yet. So since I right now see some decrease in results, I have to fight back. Alarm clock tomorrow still at 5. That is my only goal for tomorrow. The rest, I will see. As long as I get that right, I am happy. ๐Ÿ™‚
  8. Ok, so something to recap for me. I had an amazing weekend. Now it is time to get back on track on focus university. Let's activate my work ethic module in my brain again. Today's plan: - Learning for programming - Cleaning appartment - Cleaning my aquarium - Working on the other programming project - Maybe looking into the lectures of the next exam - Looking for statistical measures of my regular project - Maybe a tiny bit of small talk at the supermarket That sums it up. A long list of things to do. Let's smash it into pieces. If I only get half of it done, I couldn't care less. ๐Ÿ˜„
  9. Just a theory I have, combined with some of the things, I already wrote in this forum: Could it be that you are really like super focused on your achievements and then they are the way, you measure your success? And then once you reached it your brain goes like: Yeah, I did that, now lets relax a bit and reward ourself. In my opinion, the logical conclusion, if this was true, is to not focus on your achievements and results that much anymore and instead focus more on the actual process and your identity to be a non gamer.
  10. @Jordan2020 my childhood at time in school back then was horrific. Getting bullied and not having many friends. The ony real friend I had was of course also gaming ^^ What I did however, was to join a fight class. It was independent from school, so no bullies or people I did not like. This helped to have a nice hobby and gave me some confidence. Maybe something like that could help you as well. The interesting thing is that even some people in school noticed that. So this was very helpful. Look out for something like that I would say. Like @ElectroNugget said: Get our of your room! Right now, I am doing someting similar, today I will sign up for a yoga class in university.
  11. Thank you very much @WhatAboutToday?. I was a nice day indeed. Now, it is a bit tough to get back to my usual routines of the last couple of weeks, because my weekend plans were shaked up a bit. That that is alright I would say. More focus on university now.
  12. Wow @James Good that is a very great list you set up there. Your approach is so in depth and detailed. I have never done it like that. So this is already a great start. However, I have some few remarks. It is more something to think about than some recommendation or advice. Well maybe a little bit. xD Maybe some of the stuff is contradictory. I don't know. - You said: 'I want to become the kind of person that can inspire and move through my music, my writing, my photography , and public speaking.' You are already a person who inspires with your writing. You inspired me. ๐Ÿ˜‰ The rest I don't know, but public speaking is also in a certain way public speaking. Don't try to delay your new identity. You can start being it today. Like right now! Maybe you will be quite bad at it. But you still are someone else. There should really be no delay. - You said: ' Now, I will say that a lot of these habits will improve A LOT in the next couple of weeks.' I guess you are right, a switch in your environment always has an influence. But don't rely on it. At some point you will get used to certain things and the magic you felt the first couple of weeks will decline. Speaking about this decline, I focus on this in my next point. But the real work and grind happens, when you are alone. Not your surroundings can prove your new identity to you. You have to do it yourself! Like writing in the morning or playing the guitar. - In my first couple of weeks, I did so many things at once, which were new to me. LIke completely new. To give you an idea, how I changed my morning routine literally over night: Opening the windows, drinking a glass of water, making my bed, making coffee, a grooming routine, shaving, actually working, waking up at 5 to 6.30... the list goes on. People always say that you only should make small changes. I tend to disagree. You can do, whatever you want. The amount of new behaviors, I integrated in my life really proved to myself my identity of a morning person and a hard worker, who takes care of himself. However you want to phrase it. But here is this thing: I see a decline in some of those areas -> I have problems to wake up early right now and some aspects of my grooming routine are gone right since a couple of days. Not drastically, but it shows me something: It is like hanging on ropes, the more ropes you have the higher the chances to stay on top of the mountain. I am still this person, because there are so many habits that are proving this to me. Regardless when I wake up. Waking up at 10, I still do the rest of my routine and start rolling. ^^ - Speaking about habits: They are mirroring your identity and vice versa. Let's think about this for a second. Just by doing something, even badly over a short period of time is a prove of something. Therefore, James Clear came up with the 2 minute rule: You start your new behavior by doing something for ONLY 2 minutes. After two minutes, you just stop. For instance, you go to the gym for only 2 minutes. You warm up a bit and then you go. You play the guitar for 2 minutes. Then you stop. I write for two minutes. Then you do something else. May sound stupid, but it could work. The idea is that at some point, you WANT to do more than 2 minutes. 2 minutes are just not enough. At some point, when your identity is based around those habits and you ultimately want success with it, you WILL do it longer than 2 minutes. I never used this technique, but it could be helpful. However, what I am quite sure about: You will not go to the gym at 7.30 every morning, you will not write 250 words each week, you will not practice the guitar for 1 hour three times this week. Actually, you are missing the point of identity based habits. James Clear had this 3 layered model of identity, process and results. It is in the article. Right now, you are focusing too much on the process and results thing. Like, I need to write this many words, I want to have this and this done. It is good to do it, actually inevitable. But you have to come back to the idea that your habits only are here to mirror your identity -> It doesn't matter, how long you are practicing the guitar or whether you are singing three times a week, the amount of words you write is meaningless. So is your gym time. What happens is that people start relapsing the moment, they don't reach their own set goals, which are most often arbitrary numbers. When you only write a 100 words once per week that is totally OK. If you do that consistently for many weeks, it will stick. I have not consistently worked out with my barbells at home the last month. But I did other stuff instead. Sometimes, when I would use them, I only did a little bit of training with it. But I know that I am still an athletic person. Now of course my results (my body) are also proving me this. But that was not always the case. I have to say: Right now at this very moment, I have an epiphany and really understand it. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ We tend to use our results as prove of our identity. But that is of course not possible at first. Because, when we look in the mirror, we are still overweight, we still not good at writing or playing the guitar or painting or social behaviour. Are you understanding that point? Don't you see, how ridiculous it is to focus on your results as a prove of your identity? So focus on your habit instead. Even if you only sing once per week for 20 minutes that is OK. So is going to the gym at 12 am once per week or writing 50 words per day. Stop looking at your numbers. I would like to use a little gym analogy: What is more important: Hitting 12 reps for your exercise or doing 6 very nice in depth reps, where you feel completely exhausted afterwards. The magical number 12 is only there, because it is the expected average, where most people have trained long enough to really putting pressure on their muscles. Actually those 6 very good reps are then better then 12 wrong reps, where you made 5 reps very basic and poor just to reach the number 12. The whole idea of this detox program of gamequitters is the perfect example of that. The point is, to not have played long enough for an expanded amound of time and with this to prove yourself that you are not a gamer anymore. I know there are also biological changes to that. But I am not focusing on that. The number may not be entirely arbitrary, but it is still meaningless imo. 50 days without gaming is good. 100 days without gaming is good. 3 days without gaming, 1 day of gaming and then 20 days without gaming is good. Even five years without gaming and then a very bad week with excessive gaming is ok. You can always continue to go back in line. Do it for maybe two minutes and then stop, or do it very badly. That is the way to go. Of course your results can only become really really good, when you start doing things in a good way. But that is not your goal right now. You are only focusing on your identity! Results can come later. And they wil come for sure, once your identity is set in place. - One last remark: I was playing mario cart with my date on saturday. Should I get depressed now and feel like a failure, because somehow my "streak" is over?
  13. @ElectroNugget I really relate to that. I often need to watch something to sleep. I also always watch something, when I eat. But this is a real tough challenge to get it out of my system. Neither is it out of my system yet nor do I have a solution for that. Maybe someone of us can find a way to tackle that issue eventually. ๐Ÿ™‚
  14. Ok, time for some recap of yesterday. If my goal is to continuously expand my comfort zone than yesterday I smashed its borders beyond the horizon. So much stuff happened that it was almost scary. So lets divide it in positive and negative, starting with the negative: I was working in the sauna yesterday and my date and here friends were there as guests, so I also wanted to stay as guest as well after my shift was over. But there was some bad tension and annoying stuff going on with collegues so that made me quite uncomfortable, like almost scared me. I was not allowed to stay longer afterwards. So I then had to drive back home and had to wait until they were leaving the sauna. She gave me her address and I then was scared like usual, if I would find a parking spot there. Always something I struggled with: Parking, driving. It scares me man. I hate it a lot. Another big area, where I want to improve. And I will eventually. I have to! But this annoying. Do you see, how all these little things pile up and can make you miserable? They are small things, but they are so powerful. I knew the entire time that I just had to go through the whole thing in order to grow. Like I always say -> there is no going back now. Another thing was that they were playing mario cart, when I arrived. That however was no problem. I played a little bit with them, but then, when in the middle of the race she turned the console off, it did not bother me. Not at all. I couldn't care less. And that is still weird. But my only explanation right now is my identity: I am just not a gamer anymore. Here at gamequitters, it feels more like I am talking about everything else. It is like healing the wounds caused by gaming. But this addiction is dead. I have almost killed it entirely. With ice, fire and swords!!! Because I was so anxious about everything beforehand, I had trouble to read my chapter for programming and did not finish it. But right now, I don't really care that much xD The positive: I had a good time playing some games with them. Also some drinking game. I was still not enjoying the alcohol stuff and was eating some chips. This is just not part of my lifestyle. But it just happened. So who cares. I am still a fucking machine ๐Ÿ˜„ So that is alright. I had sex after five years. It felt good, I had fun and she had it as well. I am not going into details here, but I still notice the effect of pornography. But it is not that big of a problem anymore. I tried to relax and it was ok. This was one goal for this year and it is accomplished. To the next one: Getting even more relaxed with this whole subject. Right now, this is a really casual thing. And that is alright, we are both on the same page here. ๐Ÿ™‚ I am stronger than ever. Nothing can stop me. Yesterday, I found out that I will at some point have to talk for myself. Not say yes and amen for everything. One colleague did something that is unforgivable. And I will make sure that she knows that. I am not turning into a monster her. But when I have a goal and you are in my way, I advise you to step aside. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Another great goal for this year. Where will this journey end? I don't know. And I don't care about the result. All what matters is that I trust the process. ๐Ÿ˜„ Ps.: Just at this moment I decided that I will write the fourth exam for my theory component, even though it is not necessary for my grade. Why? Because I just said that the results are irrelevant. I want to challenge myself even more. ๐Ÿ˜„
  15. @Amphibian220 thanks for the kind words man. Means a lot. Yeah I am trying to land some uppercuts to finish my opponents. And at this point, really feel that it has no power over me for now. And I have no intentions to change that. @James Good Once again, it may feel like you are at square one again. But if you were at square 4 a couple of days back, now you are at square 3. I have a very interesting article that you could read regarding, why the process is important and why you are on the right track, even though it does not seem like it right now. https://medium.com/@anthony_moore/the-process-is-more-important-than-the-goal-158d86ff708d It is just another dude basically saying similar stuff like I do. ๐Ÿ˜„ But @Amphibian220 was right in the sense that I have been reading a lot the last couple of months to really understand, why I did certain things, why I was craving and more especially that is the biggest thing I am still trying to figure out, why I have no craving whatsoever. The biggest theory I have right now is based around the idea of identity based habits by James Clear https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits It really fits, what I have experienced the last year. But I feel there is so much more to explore, even more individually.
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