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Alexanderle

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About Alexanderle

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  1. I am not a fan of external motivation or bragging. But I just need to write this down in the celebration forum. Just a couple of minutes ago, I deleted the following things: My steam account, my twitch account, my uplay account, my battlenet account, my subs for everything gaming related on youtube and even my facebook account. Everything that holds me back to achive great things. I will not spend another minute wasting my life. Thanks to this community for the insight and final burst of motivation to actually take control over my life. Without you, I would have not done it. The forum, the podcast as well as some youtube videos really made me do it this morning. Big change. And there is no going back. There won't be a relapse.
  2. It is happening in this very moment. I had this moment of epiphany yesterday in the evening. When I want to really make this a reality, I have to go all in. This morning I deleted the following things: My steam account, my twitch account, my uplay account, my battlenet account, my subs for everythingn gaming related on youtube and even my facebook account. Everything that holds me back to achive great things. It just had to happen. There is no going back for me. I had a burst like this around 10 years ago. But I never had this kind of mindset. So I think that now, my journey really starts. I am not a gamer anymore. It is over. I now that there won't be something like a relapse. I will never be able to game in moderation. I am one of these people, who just has a tendency for addictions. They are, what controlled my life. Now it is time to finally take control and to be in charge. After 20 years of die hard addictions. I will not spend another minute with wasting my life. Right now at this moment. I have this weird feeling in my stomack. I can not really explain, how I feel right now. Kinda feels like this moment after giving a presentation. This feeling that it is finally over paired with the excitement that I did it. Puh. I would have never actually do that without this community. Ofc, I will not start counting the days. This will otherwise imply that I would have to count forever. It is not worth it. It is actually counterproductive. If you read this right now: Stop counting your days of being gaming free. It is the same like a being on a diet. There is always this implication that you will stop it! But this is not the time to stop. This is the time to make progress. Thanks for everyone in this forum. You are amazing.
  3. Really cool new experience Yesterday, I went to the hairdresser, because it has been a couple of months, since I have been there. What was strange was that for the first time in my life, I actually managed to have a good and smooth conversation with the woman cutting my hair. This is not about sexual interest and this stuff. Just causal smalltalk. I tried not to think about it too much and it actually worked out quite well. It did not really felt forced, but was very intriguing actually. I had conversations before, where I briefly answered a question of the person and all the sudden the convesation would be over. So many visits, where I silently were just waiting to be done and get our of there. Trying to look away and not really communicating with everyone. But this time was different. So the way I am behaving right now must have some kind of influence, which I think is rats. But even more the fact that the woman immediately asked me, what is a modern right now and showed me some magazine. I now have a new haircut and feel sooo good. Before, they only just did, what I asked them to do and that was it. So this was just one visit that was surely giving me some unexpected surprises. Today, two girls noticed that I have a new haircut and said that it looks good. So I guess that is the way to go now. If I continue like that, I will never have a desire again to go back to my old life. I mean not everything is perfectly smooth yet. Today I was so tired after awaking early that I still had to nap for another 20 minutes before going to university. But that was just the result of not enough sleep. Still a lot of adjustments necessary for my new lifestyle, because sleep is important. I am not beginning to talk about that nofap thing. That is one big struggle. But still no porn ever since. Fun fact: Yesterday, all the sudden I had the desire to start steam and check out, how many hours I have played in total over the course of the last years. I had this Steam account since 2014, so this is only a number for this time period with steam alone. I am not starting with other platforms or the time before that. To make it fast: The time was around half a year. This was actually a shock!!! It is like for half a year, I was doing nothing. Not learning anything new. Not meeting people in the real world. Not working on improving myself. Just sitting in front of a screen and trying to achive something meaningless. But the good news. In the last two weeks. It has only been around 1 hour that I played something. This is a process still, but I am going forward. Not stopping now. And this community is already helpful. The idea with the journal is nuts. So good to just write down stuff that I would never really share with anyone. So yeah. Thanks already, even though I am still quite new. For everyone out there struggling. Start now. Don't wait any longer to change your life. Don't waste another 6 months.
  4. @voidedhalestorms Another good trick that I can use.Thank you for that! Right now I am in this position, where I can do it occasionally. But especially, when I am talking with someone, all the sudden I just start to look down or avoid their gazes. Not very good. So every new insight might be worth trying out. I like the idea of thinking about it as a fun activity. But we will see how it goes.
  5. So you have a new habit at certain intervals? What are the intervals and how do you manage this whole approach? Btw, sorry to hear about you back problems. Hope it gets better soon.
  6. Anyway, I just write something for today as well: I relapsed on my nofap adventure. It is such a hard thing for me. But it is not as much of a problem, as it may appear to be, because the most important thing is to get rid of the pornography addiction. Since that did not happen. I am still happy. The curious thing however is that immediately after relapsing, I fell back into some kind of old habits: I immediately started look for ways to procrastinate. When I think about it, this often happened to me after fapping. Normally, this would lead to a procrastination cycle and I would waste valuable hours with bullshit. However, this time I am breaking this cycle by writing this text right here. I will soon start to work again, because I still have two more hours, before I have to go to university (woke up at five). Today I will try to focus on this nose thing, to see, if it helps me with my eye contact issues. But I feel confident today despite my earlier "failure". For instance, I shaved quite nice, even though my skin reacted a little bit to the razor. But I have some nice lines and contours, so this is awesome. Btw, I also listened to another episode of the art of charm podcast. It was episode 266 with Josh Shipp - Wishful thinking is not a strategy. It was so good and so insightful. I can really recommend it. Those guys really manage to create this "aha-moment", which makes you feel caught, because some of the things you struggled with yourself. And now it is time for me to get to work. A failure is nothing that should put me down, but encourages me to work harder. It is a long way to go.
  7. A little update about yesterday, because I was to tired to do it after driving back home. I really get shit done now. I just start working and finish pretty much whatever I want. However, I still think that I could do so much better. Youtube, facebook and other kind of websites really pose a huge source of distraction. On my main browser, I installed an extension to block those websites after 20 minutes starting from my wakeup time (5 to 6.30) to 5 pm. This absolutely helps me to stay productive. The best option is the nuke ability, where I do not have a timer, but it is blocked immediately for as many hours as I want. I can not deinstall the extension during this time and I never really want to. But it is just crazy, how often I still open youtube or something just without any good reason in the middle of my work. Since there is then the message that it is blocked right now, but it is insane how often this happens. I swear, at least 5 to 10 times within a 60 minute timeframe. Despite all of my huge changes and my work ethic, there is still this procrastination mentality. I have to fight this. Such a time waster. Regardless, yesterday was pretty great. It was nice, just to get the positive feedback of my family.
  8. @voidedhalestorms So you never have this kind of discomfort with anyone? Ofc with the expection of life threats. ^^ For me it really feels like a big barrier, I so could not get rid of.
  9. Wow, thanks for the idea. Will try it out tomorrow. So are you also doing this when passing by strangers or only when you are in a conversation?
  10. Thanks for the input. That was very helpful. I will try to apply some of the things you mentioned. Regarding health, you hear so many different things. One says, it is important to stay healthy, another doctors says that it does not matter. Guess in the end, no one knows the truth. xD
  11. Yesterday, my family was quite surprised by all the changes, I made. I tend to be against the idea of external motivation, but I have to say that this was a slight confidence booster and it also makes me wonder, what kind of impression I had give them over the last years. I seems that I have been quite messy in the past. It really feels good to be on the right track now. Right now, I will give this nofap thing a try, but I already feel like I could explode. Let's see, what happens. Maybe the tips of one member of this forum will help out a bit.
  12. Yesterday I had two noteworthy experiences. First, I was buying stuff in a store and when the female seller was looking me in the eyes. I managed to hold eye contact. Overall, nothing special, but usually that is a struggle for me. The second thing was that I managed to sray alert and focused during a 4 hour drive. Usually, I get extremely tired, but this time, I made it trought the whole thing with ease. Ofc I took a break, but might it be that my new lifestyle gives me more energy? An interesting observation, which I will observe further throughout the journey.
  13. I guess you should do, whatever helps you. For me right now, I just really believe in it. And I mean I REALLY believe that I am an early riser and hard worker etc. It seems only logical to wake up early and get shit done. But for some areas, this is more difficult for me than others. And I think as long as you feel like you miss something, it is still attached to your old identity. James Clears said, we are proving our identity to us with our behaviours and habits. They are like a mirror. So I think, it is this fine balance between really believing in the new identity and then proving it with your habits. But it should really never be based on outcomes. Not only did James Clears say that, I also experienced it. It you only go to the gym in order to look good for other people, you will really not stick to it. 100 %. This whole thing is entirely a dialogue between you and youself. May sound weird, but it is true for me. Actually you are doing this to impress your "second you". Self love is really important in this. You clean your appartment, you work out, you eat healthy, you take care of yourself, because you think that you deserve it. For me personally, I really started with my diet one year ago. Those constant diet adjustments really proved me this: Not only am I able to stick to healthy diet routines, I also have some degree of self control. Especially for us former gamers (in my case still a gamer unfortunately), we are struggling with self control and really believe that we are incapable to resist things, since our addiction is actually made by design: Developers design games that they bring us in a state of flow, this balance between perfect level of challenge and perfect perceived level of "easiness". There must be a reason, why so many of us also don't workout, eat healthy and have a porn addiction. We just believe, we are incapable to resist it. It is therefore useful to start with something, does not have to be your diet, which you feel comfortable to do. This could create a chain reaction, where you get this confidence that you have self control and now can apply it for other areas of your life. I started with my diet changes one year ago, but only a couple of weeks earlier did I really start to become a passionate worker. So for some areas it might be easy, for others I will be harder, because your identity is still attached to it. For crying out loud, some of these habits are things, we did for years or even decades! But believe me this: You can develop self control. Big time. This is something, I don't believe. I know!
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