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Alexanderle

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  1. It has been a while, since I last have written in this journal and on gamequitters overall. I was not really feeling like writing anything and this has not changed. I am in great shape. Possibly the greatest shape of my life: My apartment is in order, I am never procrastinating and doing the stuff I want. I am deeply immersed in my future profession of psychology, working out and my diet is quite fine. My social life will be the last major thing to address. This is something, that was the case, when I joined gamequitters and is still a fact right now. But I am sure that this forum cannot help me with this. I can only figure it out by myself. But I still thank everyone for the great discussions and heartwarming words of support. But it is time for me to go on now. Maybe I look into the forum in the future - who knows. For now, I am deeply convinced that gaming is not a disorder but only a symptom, which we acted out as a result of other issues. And I don't want to discuss anymore all the things, which I consider like huge problems: Counting your days until oblivion, blaming dopamine for everything, even blaming computer games. Blame yourself! Once you start adressing all the things, you always wanted to adress, it becomes addicting and you are going up a gigantic upward spiral. It is inevitable. Things like gaming, stupid internet videos and social media become renderless and obsolete. Time to grow up... So yeah, maybe well see each other in the future. Until then. Keep it up!
  2. I feel that gaming is really not a problem for you. You are a little bit annoyed with the situation lately, so that is fine. It is ok to relax here and then. Even playing games. But if it fulfills you to stop it than go for it. Regarding the moderation stuff: Just keep looking out, what is thre right thing for you to do, what fulfills you and how you get benefit yourself and others. I think moderation is inevitably a byproduct. But I am just in the middle of figuring that out. That is part of the problem. She is taking care of other people more than herself. But that is not the way to deal with a depression. The right way is to starting to take care of yourself. And that will be beneficial for other people as well. But it is a process, which takes time. The only chance is to start with something, gain confidence through accomplishing something and than get going more and more.
  3. @Wonderer Listen. I will not say you to stop gaming, because gaming does not need to be the enemy. The problem is that certain institutions would have no purpose without an enemy. Where would feminists be without an evil patriarchial system? Where would gamequitters be, if games are not a problem? Where would be nofap, if porn would not be the problem? The thing is: They are not the problem: It is about the person, who acts out. And I think that generally speaking, if I do something, which makes me miserable to some extend than it is time to change something. For instance, when I would play hardcore some games and I would feel bad WHILE doing it, because I felt that I would procrastinate on important stuff that seems not right for me. But if I spend 9 hours a day working on my thesis and despite the fact that it is hard, I feel good and like I accomplished something - that is something different for me. That is the beauty of being a human being. You have this choice. But I would advise to still go for challenges, still find a valuable purpose to follow, have a nice routine in your life. That is a really good thing. And of course there are drastic differences. One person is happy with becoming pro in something and invests everything in that. Even to the point, where the person would give up time with family and friends etc. I mean, I generally think, a well balanced life would probably be a better thing, but everyone is different. And if gaming for 3 hours a day is a nice thing for you to do and it is not a problem that is fine. More power to you. My response to you just focused around the idea that giving up on all challenges and live a life without responsibilties seems to be the worse alternative. I think taking responsibility for something or someone (even yourself) doing the things you like and chasing after some dreams is valuable (not just money). You have no idea, how much my life has changed, since I developed this hardcore passion in psychology. It's unbelievable. I therefore advise you to experiement, keep looking and challenge yourself. Maybe you don't see the purpose for now, but that can change very drastically. Keep in mind that a depression is just an agreed upon label. Many different people have shown many different symptoms in different situations and then it would be agreed upon to call it depression. I fear that a person is depressed, when he or she feels that all the life's challenges are too much too handle. Up to the point, where even just leaving bed becomes a challenge. That is, when some structure in your life can be useful. And you already have certain things to go for - that is great. Do that. I am a fan of doing! Awesome. Just stay curious and try out these things. Some things you will probably dislike, others you will liike. And that is ok! And I agree regarding the gaming stuff. The last days, I allowed myself to play games on my phone, but I just could'nt - other things were more meaningful to me. I am also fine to allow to eat sweets, but I just feel that a nice body is the better choice for me. It really is about finding out, what is more important to you. 🙂 And I think, I know what you mean regarding playing less. The moment, when I would play so drastically, so much that I would be tired, my ears were burning and I would feel pain in my back but continued to play - guess what: It was horrific. But I remember you said that you could always stop, whenever you wanted. I never really could do that. Now I am struggling to do it at all. Funny how things have changed. xD
  4. @Wonderer You have written quite a lot and I think it would deserve a detailled answer. But I am a bit tired right now, so I only focus on the important things. But I am glad to discuss this further. You are fixable. I assume that everyone is fixable. But only, when someone is ready to fix himself as well. I think therapy for instance rarely works, if someone is not in the mood to get help. So it is up to you. But lets get to the important stuff. What you are saying up there is that life is pointless, because we have not yet found ways to do something in order to live eternal or to beat death. That would be like saying that you should not dance to music, because the end result is the same. But we dance, because we dance right? We like it. We feel this groove, it makes us move! But if you consier the dance to be pointless and you just sit on the ground and wait until the song ends - is that really the same as dancing and embracing the music? I have some questions: Where would you end up, if you would find ways to deal with the current problems of yours? And how would you feel after dealing with them? Maybe at first it is important to get an overview of all the current problems. But they are worth fixing. What happens when you cheat in a game, lets say a basketball simulation? You know for sure that you will hit the net every single time without even trying very hard. And you will win the game for sure. How fun is that? It is the uncertainty that we love in games. Life is the same: Without challenges, you are dead. And there is nothing better in life than solving a problem. That is actually your only mission: Solve problems. Animals hunt to solve the problem hunger. Only that we have become soooo good that we needed new problems. We actually turned it around and now have too much food. So the new challenge is to find a way to deal with abundance. Trust me: I was in a situation like you. My life is still pretty much this huge challenge, but my perspective has changed. And I don't buy into the premise that there is no difference between someone, who takes care of his kids and tries to help other people or someone, who just lies in his bed all day long. I don't buy it! Sure, both will die, but one contributed to his environment. The other was just a cold stone. Stones are boring. Stones are already dead. And you are not a stone. You are a wonderful human being, who is far more capable to solve these things than you realize. Once you embrace your nature as a problem solver and get your life in order, life is not a burden anymore. It is still hard and annoying, but you have changed. You have to realize that it is absolutely valuable for everyone, including you, to get everything in order, whatever is missing. Once you start with this process and take care of yourself, like you deserve, it creates a chainreaction.
  5. I think that someone is depressive, because she feels that she is not in control of her life. It took me so many years and so many tries to figure out, how to get in control of this messy lifethat is quite insane. Maybe it is not her health or exercising, where she should start. The only thing that works, is starting with something that you are actually capable to do. And then you get confidence through that and maybe build it up. Just the simple decision to not drink coca cola anymore could change a whole life. As I am interested in moderation right now: Can you elaborate that? ^^ Why have you reset it?
  6. That is the crux: I do absolutely agree with both of you. When I get asked by younger students about statistic stuff, which they can't figure out, I get annoyed quite often: The things, they ask me, because they think I am better at this crap than they are (which is true xD), I have figured out with obsessively checking literature etc. So they could easily figure out all of that by themselves, by just google it. Which is a bit crappy: Why are they not doing that? Jordan Peterson says in a talk about the IQ score that there are 10 percent of people in our society, who have nothing to do. Not only do they not want to do it, they are incapable. I guess it is a said reality, but we have to deal with it. And I think, we need to show responsibility, which both of you are doing. Not blaming other people, but leading with example. That seems to be a good idea. The blog has to wait. I am writing my thesis for now. That is enough writing for the time being. 😄
  7. What @Amphibian220 says certainly has a lot of truth to it. Regarding the proposed stages, I would see myself now at the fifth stage and beyond. So, the idea of suppressed emotions is very much a psychoanalytic idea. Freud even said that there is psychological barrier in us that actively suppressed the emotions, which seems to be only an old theory with todays standards. But with my current focus on problems as such, suppressed emotions could very well be conceptualized as problems, we have not dealt with. Instead, we started to play games, which are just a different kind of "problem" or challenge, but it is easier for us to control them. That is, why the "detox" is not a detox as such. There is nothing in our body that has been "intoxicated". It is only the realization that there are other things in our lifes, which are also "challenges", but maybe those are more worth pursuing. Worthy for myself, my health, my family, my friends and even the society as a whole. But that certainly starts with negotiating with yourself. At first one needs confidence that he or she is capable to embrace challenges outside of gaming. But I would propose a sligthly different 6. stage: It could also be that we start to understand the concept of responsibility: I am moderating myself, because it is just the most responsible thing to do. I could certainly game right now, if I want, but there are just more meaningful things to do. Even though it would be fun to do something for now, maybe postboning it and doing something else that will benefit me in the future, would be a good strategy. That is ultimately the difference between self conscious humans and animals: An animal just eats food or starts having sex, whenever the stimulus arises. A human being has the chance to understand the consequences. Maybe not having sex with this specific woman might help me to not get an std or a kid, which would not be a good idea for now. Maybe, with a suitable woman, it might be a different story. We could just hunt food all they long, but trying to find ways to collect it and have it avaiable during the cold winter is better idea. So maybe, at stage 6, we become... I don't think that a hardcore gamer is a beneficial member of my society. ^^ Therefore, if you... that depends whether you came to the realization that you have no control over yourself, that you are not worth to be taken care of by others AND yourself and that you have no talents whatsover to be a valuable human being. Maybe to yourself, maybe to friends or family. Maybe even to society as a whole. But I really don't believe that you have no talents, self control, value and ways to contribute.
  8. There is a continuity I think that is worth looking into: What makes you feel burned out: Is it a very high expectation of yourself, which keeps you working 24/7 or is it the absence of relaxing activities? Why? It does not seem like that for me: You seem to be a generous, nice and helpful person, who is just chasing for a certain amount of accomplishment and wants a good life. I am wondering, why are you talking shit about unproductive people?
  9. It really sounds, like you getting your life together. And I agree that talking about quitting can cause relapse. Just like counting the number of days in your journal and forcing yourself to not do something. Bu I think you are starting to see, what it is about instead. Keep it up.
  10. Why does the lion hunt animals? Why does the tree grow? Everyone has a mission. But only we, the human species became self conscious and started to think about it. The tree does not decide to stop growing, because it is anxious that its growing to fast might make smaller trees angry due to its large shadow. It just grows. So then, there are problems (or missions?) everywhere. Whatever you do, there will always be new problems. Ultimately, your mission is to be a problem solver. Something bothers you? Then adress it! Think about, how you can make your life just a little bit better. After solving a couple of problems, you stop seeing life as a burden, but as a challenge. If all these problems were not there, what would be the purpose of life? I used to play nba2k and sometimes used a programm called cheat engine. Once, my character was perfect and flawless, extremely tall and skilled in every relevant area ofc I had no problems whatsover. Every game was easy. Guess what, the challenge disappeared. If there would be no death, life would be boring as hell. Nothing is a bigger motivation than the fact that every day could be your last. I just tell you to embrace the many challenges of life. They are there regardless. Our goal is just to solve some problems, wait for new ones and then solve those. Watching a movie is a much a challenge by watching our favourite characters die or survive as much as work is just another set of challenges for ourselves. University is as much a challenge as trying to get a girlfriend. Hobbies are nothing but challenges. In games we were challenged right? You challenge yourself with 3d modelling as much as I challenge my body when lifting stuff. The only difference between certain challenges is that some of them are considered to be more meaningful. The great people are remembered, because they embraced very big challenges. I think it is more likely to be remembered for solving very big challenges than only solving smaller challenges like only for yourself. I think that the person, who finds the solution for the corona pandemic might be remembered in the future and will be part of future virology lectures. That is also, why you never will be content. No one is. You can have all the money and all the girls in the world, you will still find reasons to worry. That does not mean that you should stop chasing them. You are lonely. That is the challenge for now. You have a girlfriend - she will make stuff that annoys you. Now that is the challenge. You find a solution and there is something else. Relationships sometimes fall apart, BECAUSE there is no challenge. What would the partners trust be worth, if there is not the possibility that he or she might betray you?
  11. @noMoreProcrastination good to hear pal. Keep going. I have a question: I see that your goal right now is to eliminate time wasters, which makes a lot of sense. But why? What are you trying to accomplish, what are your goals for your life?
  12. @Amphibian220 Can you name some peer reviewed literature to look into this cleanliness aspect? Or is that your introspection? I generally liked to look at it from the perspective of control, where the massive chaos in the outside world is like a gigantic monster. Gaming is the perfect medium to gain the illusion of control. You can always restart. You can create a new character, if you feel incapable of creating your own personal real life character. It is easier to let your character train in gta then going to the gym by yourself. Speaking to people via discord is easier, when not being good socially in real life. Generally speaking, once you start to observe that you can change some aspects in your life, this is like an innate power that grows and grows. And some point, you are not just starting to not getting worse and worse, but actually look out to chase some self set ideal and start to improve. We could try to change the term of control with cleanliness: If something is not very clean and a mess and chaotic, it might be hard for me to control it. Everyone knows, what kind of a feeling it is, when your appartment is a huge mess. Anyway, very interesting insight. I will further look into this at some point. @kally999 Do you know what is even less harmful than vaping? Not vaping!
  13. @BgK I highly agree with you that once you "achieved" something, it will give you tremendous control and a feeling of confidence. Jordan Peterson speaks of the idea to clean your room. Once you have done something like that, you now understood that you are more capable than you thought. And then you slowly build it up. I was for months only focusing on my diet and avoiding sweets. That gave me confidence. And just like that, I actively decided to stop gaming a couple of months later. It was no problem at all. But if you don't feel that something is meaningful, you will not do it. Period! Then there won't be some little monkey, who magically pulls you away into useless things. This little monkey is just you! It is you who is unwilling to do other things, either because you consider them not as meaningful or because you don't really know how. My take for all these things: Experiment, what works for you. Maybe start with something simple. Gain confidence by that and understand that you are capable to achieve amazing things. Maybe start to clean your room and to make your bed. Cook regularly or go for a nice walk every day. Just something easy. Then make bigger steps towards your personal greatness. And then you don't have to fight a battle at all. You just don't do things, because they don't fit in your life anymore. Keep in mind that you only do things, because they fit your current life ideals and beliefs. Changing your actions makes no sense, if your belief system is still the same. That is like being in deep love with sweets and then trying to not eat them anymore. Sure, you can switch to vegetables, but you still love the sweets, hence still desire them. And you can eat vegetables all day long for months, but if you still like sweets, just one day after another you might be eating way too much sweets again. But once you see that sweets are unhealthy and don't fit your ideal of a healthy you, you might not eat them anymore, without any internal fights at all! Most people here at gamequitters have not stopped gaming, because they commited to some 90 day detox, which magically burned the areas, which were intoxicated in their brain, but because they finally understood that gaming should not be a part of their life anymore. They changed! They became non-gamers. Why, should a non gamer bother with gaming?
  14. First of all, welcome. I watched the ted talk years ago and I just briefly looked into the article. My take: There is no evidence of such a little gratification monkey insight you. Obviously, this is meant more as a metaphor. But still then, the author makes the assumption that the brains of procrastinators are just a little bit different. You can call it little monkey, your brain or the dark monster insight of you: But even if it is just purely meant as a fictuous metaphor, it all boils down to the same concept: The creation of a wonderful excuse, why you procrastinate! It is not your responsibility that you are procrastinating - you can blame the monkey. Similarily like you can blame the evil computer games for your messy life, you can blame porn for whatever is wrong with you sexually, you can blame your parents for you inability to talk to women (just a silly example) and you can blame the rest of the world for every problem you have. Then you can take it a step further and call it an actual mental disease: Call it gaming disorder, call it porn addiction, call it procrastination- or monkey disorder. But that is quite similar like calling it sneezing disorder, when you are sick! What I think is missing, is self responsibility. There is nothing wrong with someone, who procrastinates, similarly like his or her brain is not different from the rest of the pack. Believe me, I know: I was a diehard procrastinator, because I really wasn't interested in the stuff for university. Those annoying articles to read. These stupid tests to learn for. How annoying, when I can game instead and just have fun. Thinking about the new killer to be released in Dead by Daylight or thinking about working on new aerial moves in Rocket League were more interesting than memorizing the different parts of the brain or whatever. Why should I care for that. shit? However, once I understood that I have the deep desire to become an awesome psychologist, becoming more and more interested in psychological phenomena and exploring a deep interest even into philosophical or ethical ideas, the day just does'nt have enough hours for my to-do list. All the books I want to read, all my ideas, I want to write down, all those simpleminded ted talks to destroy. xD Let's take the example of my current history module: Former me years ago would have preferred to game, because it would not be of interest for me, what happened in the past. Current me understoods the power of historical knowledge. I finally understand the purpose of writing, conceptualizing my ideas and discussing things. I really dig all of that stuff. So instead of blaming something else, take responsibility, start to explore, what YOU like and what would add meaning to YOUR life and then jump into it. You really can get instant gratification by just writing a couple of sentences for your bachelor thesis, if you have the deep desire to deliver a good project. Youtube videos are nice, but not nearly as important as working on this stuff. I think your current identity, what you like, what is important to you - that is the real deal. Not blaming something internally in your brain and thereby coming up with excuses. Unless you want to make the assumption that by changing my belief systems and perspectives of my own life and taking responsibility, I also drastically changed my procrastinator brain into a non-procrastinator brain. Which is absurd from neurophysiological research perspective. So ask yourself this: Why is netflix or gaming so important to you? Certainly there must be something annoying about it, because you feel that you should do something else instead. Don't try to beat procrastination. Don't blame netflix for being a bad thing. I watch it quite daily and really enjoy it. Currently I am watching Orphan Black. Good shit! But what is missing for you, when doing those things? And more importantly, how would your life look like, if you would not do these things? Where do you want to end up eventually? I know that is not that easy to answer, but it is worth to consider. 🙂