Phoenixking 748 Posted January 18, 2020 Author Share Posted January 18, 2020 Day 45. "Gray area." I had a little party on my own last night. Japanese Whiskey and tasty fried food that I had home delivered. My girl was out of town though, so I had trouble sleeping alone. I ended up listening to a podcast instead of a book, but more like in a way to listen to a bit before I drift off, not as a way to kill the loneliness. I did drift off a bit, but it was unintended. I was also a bit buzzed... I feel like I should reset the timer though... The whole point of it all was to not play games, not watch porn and not use Netflix or a podcast to fall asleep with... I'm having trouble figuring out if I broke my vow or not. But I'm also a bit scared of what'd happen if I reset. I'm pretty sure I'd be strongly inclined to play a game on my phone and then I'd feel réally bad... Even the thought of resetting the counter is giving me triggers and temptations. But on the other hand if I continue the counter after breaking one of the vows, the whole thing is going to be nulled out, hollow. So I don't really know what to do... I'd say I'll talk it over with my partner, but she's not here. On top of that, I really want to play that fucking game on my phone and I'm confident she'd tackle me first before letting me relapse. So if I were to really want to play it, now would be the time. It's so fucking tempting. But I'd lose track of time. There's so much to do today... I have to go shopping because there's friends of hers coming tomorrow and we're hosting. On top of that they're curious about D&D and roleplaying and I'd like to prep a little story or something. Because of the hosting of friends, I'd need to clean this place, do the laundry and fold them and put it away and also change the sheets because I was supposed to do that yesterday. There's not a lot of time left because we're having dinner with my sister and her SO and afterwards participating in "Drunk Gaki no Tsukai". (Google it, long story, sorry). Phew... I guess summarizing things, even if I'd make the counter a more hollow concept by continuing it after contemplating the gray area of what I did last night with the podcast (I should have just read my fucking book), the sacrifice I'd make by resetting it and making a relapse more tempting with the game on my phone is not worth it. Whether I should reset or not, it's not worth relapsing. So I'll just continue. Steady as she goes. Ish. Recent highlight: Fighting through the moment described above. Budget status: Okay for now. I'll try and set a weekly budget for next Monday. My one goal for the next 24h: Try and let go of everything in my mind right now and try and transform into a shopper, cook, writer and cleaning hero for the rest of the day. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished. -Make the bed - Postponed it because I have to change the sheets and clean the entire place anyway. -Drink enough water - I tend to get up from sitting more to get a glass. Oddly enough I now have to do more physical effort to maintain this, but it's making it easier. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Skipped it yesterday... I'll do it later today before I go to dinner prolly. -No daydrinking at home alone - Well, I had a bit of a party last night on my own. I do notice I have been drinking a bit more lately. -Meditation - Didn't meditate yesterday. Maybe I should try and keep track of this somehow to see my weekly average. -Exercise once this week - I hope we'll be able to go for a hike tomorrow. My body craves it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now