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Icandothis journal


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Hello,

It has been so long since I have been here.

Life has been very confusing. Integrating myself back into my “normal” daily activities has been a challenge. I am emerging into a world that has been extremely impacted by the pandemic; and where I live in PNW, everything is very locked down. 
 

Just one breath at a time. 
 

We have moved to a new home, a block away. It’s bigger... which my girls really love. But it is still next to a forested area. I again, broke down into tears leaving my old apartment... but then a beautiful rainbow appeared. Picture below. 🥰

Still going to acupuncture. My hands and feet are numb from chemo... this could take a year to resolve. 
 

Starting back into my yoga practice! Also practicing daily body scans. 
 

Also, I have removed sugar from my diet. All sugars, honey, maple syrup, agave. I really really struggled with this... but now... over a month out I am feeling really really healthy. I have replace all the sugars with spices, turmeric/black pepper/cinnamon and a ton of herbs, basil/thyme/rosemary. So delicious. 
 

I miss my very very long hair. I had to cut off 14 inches... and have realized just how attached I was.  
 
My resolution for this year is community. Feeling very isolated, and have started to fall into some not so good patterns. At the same time, I feel more than enough.  Full of love, life and light. Feeling so so so many things right now. 
 

I have missed this forum and hope to be posting more regularly. 
 

Edit: I can't find my rainbow picture. Will post soon.  Sending joy friends!

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I'm so glad to see you posting here. I also had a hiatus from the forum. 

It's wonderful to hear the good news regarding your health. 🙂

13 hours ago, Icandothis said:

I miss my very very long hair. I had to cut off 14 inches... and have realized just how attached I was.

It will grow! I'm also growing my hair slowly, hadn't had a haircut in... 4 months? 🙂 It's still pretty short tho, haha

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2 hours ago, gargamel said:

I'm so glad to see you posting here. I also had a hiatus from the forum. 

It's wonderful to hear the good news regarding your health. 🙂

It will grow! I'm also growing my hair slowly, hadn't had a haircut in... 4 months? 🙂 It's still pretty short tho, haha

Ahh that’s right.. we’re going to grow our hair together!

 

Glad to see you here. I haven’t caught up on your journal but I hope you are meeting your goals!

 

Have a beautiful day!

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The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it’s human connection.

 

I love this quote because it is a beautiful reminder about how we are too live in community, to love each other, to need one another. 
 

I went to acupuncture today... and my practitioner is so wonderful. He always reminds me what a beautiful soul I am, how I have overcome so much, how it’s ok to be sad. And I have cried so many tears. So so many tears. He says I always look so happy and positive. I gently tell him how hard I grieve. 
 

Its really important to share not only the love, but the vast amounts of heartbreak I have been through. 
 

Another quote, “ When after heavy rain the storm clouds disperse; is it not they’ve wept themselves clear to the end.”

 

Sending all my love today friends. 

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That first quote is beautiful, i love it so much. Although physically we may be seperated because of COVID, we are still connected in other ways. 

2 hours ago, Icandothis said:

I went to acupuncture today... and my practitioner is so wonderful. He always reminds me what a beautiful soul I am, how I have overcome so much, how it’s ok to be sad

I am glad your practitioner is like this, what an amazing human he seems like!

I hope you are doing well and i wish you my best 

Jason

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Here is a picture of the rainbow over my home that I mentioned.  
 

It’s reminders like this.... we are never alone. 
 

Starting a 24 hour fast today.  I don’t really know anything about fasting... except to not eat. Planning on doing 1 24 hour fast a week. Instead of eating... I will be praying/meditating. Hoping to get clarity and peace regarding next steps. 
 

Have a beautiful day friends!

2E825340-CDC2-4AA2-B476-DBE2853AAB78.jpeg

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4 hours ago, Icandothis said:

Starting a 24 hour fast today.  I don’t really know anything about fasting... except to not eat. Planning on doing 1 24 hour fast a week. Instead of eating... I will be praying/meditating. Hoping to get clarity and peace regarding next steps. 

I fasted once for a day back in January. I got up late from my bed and realized I hadn't eaten for over 12 hours already, so I rolled with it. The "worst" thing about it was that I found I had no way to relax and that I felt I needed to do something all the time! So I slept for the last hour or two of the fast. The food was tastier afterwards 😄

Good luck!

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Hi! Welcome back. I'm so happy to see you and I was worried you were not well again. Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad you moved and I hope this works out. Looking forward to more of your updates. I agree with human connection being a major proponent in quitting games. Having society is very important.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/5/2021 at 7:49 PM, karabas said:

Heya! I hope all is well. Just wanted to drop by and say hi and hope you're doing and feeling great. God bless!

Thank you friend so much for coming by. I am feeling very well. 
 

How are you friend? Sending love to you. 

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Happy love day to all. 
 

Hope everyone is doing really well here. So thankful for this community.

 

Hopefully getting a new job soon... this would be amazing!


Last scan was cancer free! Another one this month... hopefully all clear. I’ve become an advocate for young onset colon cancer. Every day I see people in their 20s and 30s come to our community with Stage 3/4 CRC. Hoping to grow awareness and advocacy. #Nevertooyoung

 

Other then that... still living in PNW.  Still living in the present... with the joy of each breath.  
 

Sending love and joy and health friends. ❤️❤️❤️

 

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Happy love day. For some reason I don't see it usually when you post in the daily journals thread. I'll have to just check up on your page each month or something. I was concerned about you. I'm glad you're still here and posting with us. Happy love day. Hope you get a good job soon. Keep trying they're out there somewhere. Congrats on being cancer free. What's PNW? Sending you love back.

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8 hours ago, TheNewMe2.0 said:

Happy love day. For some reason I don't see it usually when you post in the daily journals thread. I'll have to just check up on your page each month or something. I was concerned about you. I'm glad you're still here and posting with us. Happy love day. Hope you get a good job soon. Keep trying they're out there somewhere. Congrats on being cancer free. What's PNW? Sending you love back.

Hi!

That’s weird about not seeing the thread. Still doing well, and I have a support group of 10 other young women who all have the same dx as me. So helpful. 💙

 

PNW is just Pacific Northwest.  Sending joy. 

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I'm glad to hear that you have a good support group and are mentoring people too. Sounds like the kind of things that feed your soul and make you feel better. I'm really happy that you made it through and you're doing okay.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/15/2021 at 7:11 AM, TheNewMe2.0 said:

I'm glad to hear that you have a good support group and are mentoring people too. Sounds like the kind of things that feed your soul and make you feel better. I'm really happy that you made it through and you're doing okay.

Thank you friend. 
 

Your kindness and compassion are a reflection of the beautiful soul you are. ❤️

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I don’t know where else to write this..

 

My ex who broke my heart is back. I just cannot believe I am having to deal with him. 
 

This was the man, who I was in a relationship with for a year. Then he changed and became distant. I questioned him... but he always said nothing was wrong. 
 

It was another year later... that I found out he had been dating someone else. It destroyed me and that is when I began gaming. 
 

I know I get to choose who I allow in my life... but it’s so hard; I really felt something so special for him. 
 

Continuing to focus on myself and my dreams. I am in a really good place right now... I don’t want to lose how far I have come. 
 

Thank you for listening. Sending love. ❤️

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Thank you. I'm sorry things didn't workout with your ex. That sounds pretty devastating. Doesn't sound like it'd be a good idea to let him back in. Keep on with your dreams, good luck. Sending you love right back.

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