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Icandothis

Icandothis journal

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Hey all,

today is Day 1 of quitting. I feel horrible. Absolutely horribly. I have tried so many times to quit before and I just can’t.  

People around me notice how angry, mean and frustrated I get when I try to stop. It’s not something I feel like I can control. It’s just I feel so lost and desperate. 

I don’t even notice my mood changes. They simply happen. 

Trying to be super gentle with myself today. I am doing the best I can. 

Today I am meditating. Hopefully this helps. 

Have a beautiful day my friends. 

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Hi All!

Day 2- and just like that it’s been 24 hours!!!! 

Yesterday I read a bunch of posts on the forum as well as listened to videos. It’s been really helpful. I have learned that gaming is the symptom of a much deeper problem in my life.

And my problem? A couple of years ago my husband had an affair. It completely devastated me. I am actually thankful to gaming because it is the one thing that brought me joy during such a hard time. 

Now I have much better coping skills to deal with all the anger and hurt that I have experienced. I want to live my life fully, full of joy and happiness. Yesterday felt like a huge step in the right direction. Instead of gaming, I meditated. I read a book. I communicated with 2 real life friends!

It was hard because I just wanted to zone out. And right now, nothing feels as good as gaming does. But, from what I have read this will change. 

What is beautiful about my day: I went to the park for a sunset stroll with my kids. The sky was changing color. The leaves on the tree are turning to fall. The air was crisp. We heard the sounds of cicadas, crickets and frogs. It brought me so much joy!!!!!

And so much gratitude for everyone who posts on this forum, your journeys are inspiring!!! 😁

Have a beautiful day!!!!!

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Day 3 - I miss gaming. I have tried to quit so many times before. And Day 3 thru 7 are when I generally start again. 

I run to gaming when I am stressed and bored. Being extra compassionate for myself this week. So proud of myself for making it 3 days!!!! This is huge for me!

What was beautiful about today- wiggles and giggles of my kids. 

 Have a beautiful day my friends!!

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Day4- Raging headaches. I feel tired, upset, angry. 

I feel so lost. I feel so alone.

I feel so lost.  

What was beautiful about my day- I saw a floating leaf. Probably connected to a spider web so that was cool. 

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Day 5 I did it!!!! I am so incredibly proud of myself for making it this far. Yay!!!

I feel so much better today. Which goes to say that everything is temporary. I pushed through. 

I started doing yoga. Whenever I have an impulse to play, I do a yoga Kriya or stretch. I am noticing my emotions, not reacting to them. And so many emotions do I have. Anger and rage. I start going down these rabbit holes of everything that has happened. I feel justified. I was wronged. 

But I am realizing that I am giving my power away. He hurt me and now I am giving him more time and energy. I am doing my best to feel everything I can feel, and then redirect my energy back to my life. 

My goal everyday is to have more joy in my life and see more joy in the lives of others. 

What was beautiful about my day A warm cup of chamomile tea. 

Have a beautiful day my friends!!!!

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Day 6 - Yes!!!!!!!! So proud of myself!!!  My day has had up and downs. 

 

What was beautiful about my day: Looking at the forest of trees from my window. The light looks really pretty on the leaves. 

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Day 7 - one full week down!!! 

Yesterday I was full of emotions. Lots and lots of rage. I used to be afraid of my emotions; until my well known meditation teacher said she experiences the same. She says it’s the not the emotions that I need to judge; but how I react to them. 

And so I sit... with all the feelings. 

What was beautiful about my day: toothless smiles. 😊

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Day 8 - Doing well. Not sure what to write today.........

What was beautiful about my day : Spiderwebs in the forest. It was really cool to see them at sunset. Pretty amazing actually. 

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Day 9 - i have been studying my spirituality. Reading the Bible, memorizing verses, practicing yoga. Feeling joy and spreading joy to others is my purpose. Loving God and loving others. 

I feel as if I need to be reintegrated back into society. I have been staying at home with my baby. We go out to the park daily but it is hard to establish connection. Often times I feel so overwhelmed just getting what I need to get done, that I feel that I can’t add anything else. Quitting games has freed up a lot of time that I plan to invest in friendship. 

Not sure where I am going with any of this. 😊 Just feel a bit lost and out of sorts. Finding my way. 

What was beautiful about my day Kisses from my kids. 💜💜💜

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Day 11 doing well. I still feel lost. Trying to figure out what my days should actually look like. 

My resolve used to be to just quit gaming. But now, it’s how well have I loved and lived today. How are my actions aligning with my core value. What do I want my life to actually look like. 

What was beautiful about my day my kids!!!

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Day 12 Just thinking a lot about what has happened. My husband had an affair and then left me. I starting dating someone else, who I eventually found out was dating multiple people. 

I was so hurt and so broken. Then my husband and I got back together. Then I had an affair on my husband. The other man never knew I was married. I felt so bad about this. I was constantly debating about if I should leave my husband. In the end I decided to stay. It’s almost been 1 year since I talked to this man. 

As I look back I can’t believe all that I survived. No wonder I used gaming as an escape. 

What was beautiful about my day the sunshine! And my kids!

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I don’t know what day I am on Still going. I am experiencing massive anxiety. Is anyone else experiencing this? Physical symptoms of heart racing, not being able to calm down. 

I read somewhere that this is a symptom of gambling withdrawal, so maybe gaming withdrawal is the same. 

I feel awful. 

What was beautiful about my day my kids!!!!!!!

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Looks like you're on day 20! Tomorrow will be 3 weeks. Hang in there!

I love how you mention something that's beautiful each day. It seems that people are always so busy, and with all the stuff that happens in life I guess it's hard to stop sometimes and just smell the roses. Life can be a really awesome thing, even if it's just light passing through a spiderweb, so I'm glad you take the time each day to recognize that. 🙂

Edit: Day 14! I can't count LOL

Edited by Deku
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Day 15 Haha thanks!!! I think I am on Day 15 tho. 😊

So yesterday I had a full blown panic attack. My heart was racing, my skin was cold, my skin color went white, and I felt dizzy. I sat down and a couple of people came over to me, asking if I was ok. I have never experienced anything like this and it was really scary. 

I went home, curled up and drank some tea. My heart was racing and I could not stop it. I finally decided to take a warm epsom salt bath and within 20 minutes I felt much better. I know I am going through a lot of changes and need to be gentle with myself. 

I also took another Epsom salt bath this morning and I feel much improved. I need to slow down.  I am doing such a great job and have already experienced so much joy. Just keep going, one day at a time. 

What was beautiful about my day My kids. Nice long warm bath. 

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4 hours ago, Icandothis said:

I had a full blown panic attack

I know the feeling. I think mine came a little bit later in my detox. It got to the point where I got anti depressants just to jog my brain. I had to stop taking them after 2 days due to side effects. To me, it was the detox plus family history of it. Its a thought, but see if your familu memebers have a history of panic attacks? 

You got this! Stick with it, making it the full 90 and beyond is worth it. I told myself after 90 I would give moderation a try. Funny enough, after my 90 days I still actually haven't plugged in my switch or hooked up my pc to play games yet. Stay strong it will all pass in time.

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On 10/3/2019 at 5:31 PM, Tzen1 said:

I know the feeling. I think mine came a little bit later in my detox. It got to the point where I got anti depressants just to jog my brain. I had to stop taking them after 2 days due to side effects. To me, it was the detox plus family history of it. Its a thought, but see if your familu memebers have a history of panic attacks? 

You got this! Stick with it, making it the full 90 and beyond is worth it. I told myself after 90 I would give moderation a try. Funny enough, after my 90 days I still actually haven't plugged in my switch or hooked up my pc to play games yet. Stay strong it will all pass in time.

Hi!!!

Thank you my friend!! I am so sorry you experienced this too. It has been physically debilitating. 

It is so comforting to know that I am not alone in this. We are not alone in this. 

Have a beautiful day my friend, truly. 

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Day 17 - wow. I had a good day. No anxiety. 😀

I went to my kids school on Friday and hung out. They really enjoyed this. I find that i have much better days when I am out in the real world rather then hanging out at home. 

Today I made yummy waffles for my kids. One of the few things i can make! Then we headed out to the park for games. There was lots of sun and being outside among friends was really nice. 

Ive been spending a lot more time with my kids. Doing hair, reading and snuggling. It is quite nice and I being a mom is bringing me so much joy again. 

I read some other journals and I am so proud of everyone for their productivity journals, and goals and changing habits. For me, right now, I just have this one goal of quitting gaming... and I am so proud of myself for how well I have done! 

I mean it’s been 17 days and I am doing such a good job!

What was beautiful about my day the kids running around the grass. Laughing. Braiding hair. Playing ball. Sun shining!

Have a beautiful day my friends!!!

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Day 18 still feeling good!!! So thankful for this forum. I officially think this is the longest I have been without gaming. Although the other times I didn’t really keep track of the days or anything. 

Feeling so proud of myself. I can do this. I am doing such a great job. This has been a huge change, and my mind body spirit are adjusting amazingly!

what was beautiful about my day my kids! Fall color on trees. 

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Day 19 still doing well! 

On to the next step which is start a morning routine. I am starting out with a commitment to a morning sadhana. This exercise is 15 minutes and involves clearing the mental blockages. 

I am excited as a started the practice today!

what was beautiful about my day the kids had friends come over! It’s so nice how carefree everyone can be playing together. 

Have a beautiful day!

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Day 22 things are going. I finished 2nd book since I quit gaming. The name was “the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime”. I really enjoyed this book and enjoy reading very much as well. But I almost feel as if I am using all these hobbies as an escape just as I did gaming. I need to think more about this. 

What was beautiful about my day my kids!!!! 😊😊😊😊😊

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