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Average_Guy

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Everything posted by Average_Guy

  1. @mrmmartin Good to know man, thanks for sharing.
  2. Sept. 30, 2021 Hey everyone, I've been reading through some of my old posts. I believe I'm somewhere over 100 days gaming free and porn free. I'm having some urges to play games. There's a new update that is coming out very soon that I've heard about, and my school schedule is freeing up a bit. It's just been weighing on my mind a lot more than it usually is. I think I was a little over optimistic when I said I have put to rest gaming/porn. I definitely have more control over these things, but it's a long process to 100% get rid of them, if that's even fully possible. Gaming seems fun, but there's other things out there that are arguably more fun, they just take more effort, haha. Not to mention, I read about the last time I started up gaming for six weeks and I wrote that I kinda knew I didn't want to be playing again. Might update again soon based on what happens, think I also just need a little more sleep. I think the reasons behind this most recent urge are: I've been getting comfortable (have a girl I hang with alot), I'm a little tired/fatigued (looking for escape), and I have very big/hard projects ahead of me that I think will take lots of work (looking to avoid these temporarily).
  3. July 26, 2021 Had a friend text me this morning asking me when I was going to get back on the game with him. It almost made me laugh because gaming just isn't an option anymore, it's not part of me. It feels like I've been able to close the chapter in that book. A weird coincidence is that I just filled up a journal that I had been writing in since March 2020, right before Covid hit. So I bought a new journal and started a brand new chapter. Very powerful (a new chapter for my life). In one foul swoop, and I don't say this lightly, I believe I have put to rest my gaming and porn addictions. It started around 10 years ago, and it's been a long and difficult journey. I'm ecstatic, but the tough part is you rarely get a break in life and now I have new challenges that will be just as hard. Fighting to stay productive, find my calling, and not letting the parting/girls get the best of me at school. I don't think I will be back to post very often, but I hope you all overcome your obstacles. If I have any advice, it's to always keep digging deeper. Don't mask your emotions and feelings with all the tools we have in this life to numb ourselves, they are there for a reason. This is something I still battle with today and will probably for the rest of my life. Also, don't be too hard on yourself! The problems we all face are common to man, you are doing what you are supposed to doing as a human being, stay strong, be happy! PEACE!
  4. Hey, I'm also trying to find a good community for me this year as well. All while going off sugar, which also includes some carbohydrates for me. I'm super sensitive at the moment. Wishing you the best on your journey.
  5. Good to hear from you Po, I will check it out. I really do like that youtuber. And ya, I've seen the rank around. I was definitely faded when I wrote that, I don't think it's tooo big of a deal, but it does seem a bit like a gaming similar feature.
  6. Hey Po, Been a minute. I think testing the waters can be a good thing, sometimes you need to get your hands dirty to really understand a situation. I personally believe that letting go of games fully, has been a great weight off my shoulders. It changed my perspective on how I am supposed to live as a man, but it didn't happen over night. It took years before I was able to fully let go, which is where I am at today. Only you know what to do because all our lives are so massively different. Just know you are where you are supposed to be in life. And, learn all you can from that experience.
  7. Also, why is the website giving me a (Rank: Newbie 1/14) That seems like some gamer shit and this is an antigaming forum.
  8. July 18, 2021, Was writing some of this stuff in my journal and got an urge to write on this forum again. Been over 2.5 months since my last post. A lot has happened since then, I played games probably a few days after my April 28 post. I played about a month and knew, in the last 2 weeks I was playing, that I was not genuinely not enjoying myself and saw how destructive it was. I quit once again after a month of playing. However, in the next few weeks my health would skyrocket to the most stable it's been in 10 years. I am not fully healthy yet, but I'm about at 80%. Because of this stability, and the leaps and bounds my health has taken, I feel better than I've "maybe" ever felt in my life mentally, physically, spiritually. Work is going incredible, everyone wants to be my friend, schools starting soon, I've been able to exercise hard, and I can get away with eating junk food and having a couple drinks which I haven't been able to do for a little over 7 years. Now all that's great, I've been doing so well with nofap as well, but living in a college town, sometimes females will 'go great lengths to get into bed with you'. And I have 'caught feelings' for a female. We did the deed, and since I have been kind of hooked. I've been going out with friends and since I live in a state where weed is legal, I've been doing that too, kind of trying to numb all the emotions that came with sleeping around, boredom, desperately wanting to be more social, not being in school yet (I moved to a new city, where I knew nobody, in the middle of covid), and just loneliness. I feels a bit like I've evolved, gaming is no longer something that is even in the realm of possibility, it's just off the plate for good, I cringe when I think about it. But how I have this new kinda set of problems that I'm trying to figure out. I'm going to try and exercise patients and quit smoking/drinking/sleeping around for a while longer. I feel like I never lived out my college days and it feels like I'm kind of doing that. But I want to get to 100% health, while working on my passion and I feel like I will be able to balance everything much better. Plus, this lifestyle is not helping my health at all, I know I'll heal faster if I don't do any of this. It's just difficult and I'm lonely. Hope you all are doing well.
  9. 28 April 2021, Day 23 Felt like shit today. Detoxing from some supplements pretty hard. On my way home I thought, what's stopping me from gaming right now in this moment, when my body/mind are hurting; why not? Then I remembered a lesson I learned the last few times I relapsed and started to game. Gaming releases a ton of dopamine and simulates a chaser effect that makes you seek other high dopamine activities, aka PORN. I really feel like I have every excuse to game some days, if you've read some of my posts you might know. But the one thing I care more about quitting gaming is Porn 100%. That simple lesson saved my streak today and will continue to drive me to not game. Instead I listened to some new house music, browsed instagram, then tried to learn some new dance moves in my bedroom. Next thing I knew, 2 hours had passed and I felt a little better from the exercise, and here I am now.
  10. 22 April 2021, Day 17 Feelin' a little more motivated the last 2 days. I just set up a calendar in my room to do 5 months, or about 150 days of 10 minutes of yoga and 10 minutes of meditation everyday. "Sometimes the greatest challenges are the ones we take up on a whim." I really believe this is going to help me in more ways than one. On all other fronts, still makin' progress.
  11. I'm not taking any psychotropics, I've pretty much completely stayed away from any sort of big pharma approach to health. They seem like a temporary band aid for a problem that goes a lot deeper. I even avoid antibiotics while I can, unless it's super serious. I started having this problem when I went vegetarian for around 6 months after being diagnosed with too much iron in my blood. I have a doc visit in 2 days, so hopefully I can get some answers or solutions. *fingers crossed*
  12. 17 April 2021, Day 12 Yoo, I feel like I haven't updated in a hot minute. So far, I'm doing pretty good. Haven't had any urges or anything. My biggest concern at the moment is staying productive. I have been watching a good amount of television, and I have all the tools and knowledge of how to be productive, but when it comes down to starting some -more difficult- tasks, I'm struggling. My doc said I should be having a breakthrough pretty soon, but I'm trying not to have my hopes up too much. This weeks been tough because I've been having problems with my appetite/hunger. My doctor thinks its related to my blood sugar levels. I can eat a full meal and be hungry in the next hour, or even right after I eat. Last night I couldn't even sleep for hours because of these hunger sensations. We've been working on it for 6 months, but this week it's been pretty bad and it can be very irritating. Hopefully we'll find a solution soon.
  13. Yeah, I am trying to make sure that doesn't happen. That would be devastating.
  14. 11 April 2021, Day 6 @TheNewMe2.0 That's actually great advice. Plus, I keep comparing myself to other people, like being in a class with a bunch of freshman as a 28 year old. It's fine if I do things at my own pace. I've been able to start going on short runs which I haven't been able to do in 3ish years. It feels so good, but I don't want to push myself too hard yet. I can see myself getting pretty addicted to working out and running again which is a good addiction to have. It just felt amazing. T minus 1 month and 1 week til summer school!
  15. 8 April 2021, Day 3 Yoo. Just got home from a Trivia night at a coffee house/bar with a friend of a cousin that I got connected with. It was pretty fun and the weather was perfect outside. I have work tomorrow, but I'm trying to piece together a skill/hobby that I can work on while I'm taking classes. It's looking l'm going to have to do 4 years to get a degree in Interior Design. The only credits that transferred were for my gen-eds, which kinda sucks. But oh well.
  16. 5 April 2021, Day 1 @TheNewMe2.0 Rooting for you man. I know your situation is tough as well, but there are upsides to crutches as well. It's a good conversation starter and women love helping out a guy in need! (I think?) Make sure to have a pic of you with crutches because it's a good visual for part of your story. Deleted all the games again and starting fresh on day 1. They became boring pretty fast. When I first went to college, I outgrew gaming. By now you guys know that I used it as a crutch when I lost my health. But, I feel like I'm getting back to that old me that never needed gaming. School is going to start in 5 to 6 weeks, and I want to be fully prepared. Let's start this up again and make it last.
  17. 4 April 2021, Feelin' mad decent today boys. Had to work on Easter unfortunately, but I have lunch with a friend of my cousins from NY this week and school starts in a little over a month. I'm also have a good healthy energy going today. I just know I have great health on the horizon. It just feels like things are falling into place. As soon as I get to a good place health-wise, I really want to take on some difficult projects. I've just been through so much difficulty, I feel like I can handle so much more now. Like my bandwidth for life has increased.
  18. @TheNewMe2.0 Just wanted to thank you for your post about forgiveness. Reading that pushed me to make amends with my mother and our relationship has since been healed. 🙂 In other news: I will be starting a fresh streak in roughly a weeks time. I'm also hoping to get the OK from my doctor to start lifting again soon. I'd love to upload some progress pics along the way. Talk to you all soon.
  19. 30 March 2021 Welp. I've had some revelations, some insights and a bit of a change that I wasn't expecting to come so fast. First, and this ones a bit of a bummer.. but this past cycle (back onto the heavy detox medicine) hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I would say it's been going great and I've been feeling about 85% strength/capacity instead of the 20-30% I was at on the last cycle. I'm not that disappointed that I failed. I had a really good streak, along with nofap. Honestly, one of the best streaks for doing both I've had in a while and I know I can 100% go again and do it better. I've been conditioned in the last six, excruciatingly-tough years to fall back on games whenever the going got difficult. I did this because I had tried to improve my health condition so many times and ultimately failed every single time with no known avenues for getting better. I had ZERO hope left and the only drug that could numb my mental/physical pain was gaming, so I saw it as a necessary evil. The recent positive spike I saw in my health showed me that while I may not yet be at 100%, I don't have to fear anymore because I have walked through the darkest part of this valley and now I know that I can undoubtedly obtain normality & optimal health again.
  20. 26 March 2021 I saw a really interesting tweet this morning by Lex Fridman. "What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." In other words, when you're going through hell, how do you handle it. How do you carry yourself. I most definitely have lots I could improve on when I'm going through hellish circumstances. Could I have avoided a relapse? Yes. Is it far, far more difficult when undergoing medical treatments and recovering from deep health issues. Yes. But, does that mean it's impossible? No. At the end of the day, I hate to say this, but, I use lack of health, inability to lift/run/bike/swim, fatigue/stress/anxiety as excuses to fall back on habits that are easier to upkeep than doing the right thing. I've made myself believe when I'm going thru hell, it's appropriate to escape with games. It just doesn't feel right anymore. I start my new 'heavy detox' cycle tomorrow for the next 10 days which means all unpleasant symptoms will be amplified. I will be back soon.
  21. I appreciate the post Po. Unfortunately yesterday I relapsed with MO, didn't look at porn. But then to chase that depression I gamed. Yes, it's a bit disheartening that I messed up. But the real thing that's eating at me is my health. I've been in a war for almost 10 years on the dot in a few months. I just want to be able to live a normal life and do normal things again. I had a neighbor that wanted to take me out for dinner because he's moving, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that I literally can't eat out because of all the restrictions I have on my diet. I can't drink alcohol or even a soda. I think I started gaming because I want time to just pass me by for the next 2 months and hopefully I'll finally be well by that time when I start school. I also think my urge to watch gaming videos, a while back, was inextricably connected to my eventual relapse to MO. More on that later.. Sorry to let the boys down.
  22. Day 58, March 20, 2021 Everything's still going OK. Urges are coming and going, but I'm still having some pretty unpleasant 'detox' symptoms as I take these supplements, which is making things tough. Don't know a lot to say at the moment, just trying to hang in there.
  23. Day 56, March 2021 @TheNewMe2.0 This helped so much man, thanks for the advice to keep forgiving! Been a lot of ups and downs this week. I'm not sure if it was a flatline, or my brain recovering in a way I don't understand, but I was definitely off all week. I feel fine right now, but I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I really was thinking about gaming. I envisioned what it would look like to go back, how I could potentially make a career out of it with my incredible (jokes, but I'm not bad) editing and storytelling skills. I looked at all the upsides... Then I thought about the downsides. The stagnation of a career, the thousands of hours needed to excel in a game these days, the short-lived lifespan of popular games, the smaller audience - hard capped around 400k subscribers - for Oldschool Runescape. The inability to meet new people. What it would look like to be an addicted gamer with children and a wife, or if I would even be able to find that as a gamer. I could go on.. After I wrote out these pros and cons, the idea just went away.
  24. Day 53, March 15 2021 One of the supplements I have to take, I have to cycle 10 days on, 5 days off. I just finished the 5 days off and started back on it. It's fatigued me to where I've spent the last two days on my couch in my apartment, only getting out a few times for food. And, the one day that I worked while I just started the 10 days on, I had terrible brain fog, exhaustion, and was stressed and easily overwhelmed. The good news is that once I finish this supplement, (meant for killing a parasite I have) I will be doing so much better than I have in years. But right now is really tough. The other day I had an - almost unconquerable - urge to watch gaming videos. I watched a few and have missed to game more in the last 2-3 days than I have the prior 50. I'm confident that I won't game. But the scary thing is, if something were to happen, if somehow I was to figure out that my health stopped progressing and started regressing at my next appointment, I don't think I would be able to say no. I have so much riding on my physical health, it's just a tough spot. I just have to relearn how to endure intense fatigue/depression without using games.