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Everything posted by karabas

  1. It's not really hiding from them, it's more like organizing 🙂 But I'll stick to this one for now, I guess Yeah, this is an exercise I did a long time ago, probably worth to refresh. It's not that I'm "relapsing" constantly, it's more like I was off of games for 14 months, and then relapsed once. This is my first time since having relapsed in November that I've gotten enough motivation to quit again. But I'm not yet where I was back when I relapsed a year ago - not ready to give up my steam library & uninstall all the games. I'll probably have to work my way to it. The reason I relapsed was that one of the games I used to play prior to quitting games was a particular sport management game. I was watching that sport since there was a big competition going on, then I ended up looking up the game again and checking out the new features since I last played it, and then the desire to play just became overwhelming. I still lasted quite a while (I think several weeks) before I succumbed to it. I wasn't under any delusion that I could control myself if I returned to gaming. I knew full well what it would descend into. I just couldn't stop myself. In retrospect, I'm not sure what I could've done differently... so that's something to think about for the future. After I got one game, that obviously quickly expanded to other games. Mostly old games that I know & love, not a lot of new stuff. Most of the new games don't really interest me. In terms of why I'm gaming, I think it's a simple issue of running away from responsibilities. I'm a freelancer and thus my work is entirely self-motivated. And while I don't hate my work, I'm not in love with it or anything. I see it as a means to other things I want to do... but that means I basically have to force myself to work. And I've never been very good about making myself do stuff that I know is good for me but I don't want to do. That's why since quitting games again this time around, I haven't really increased in productivity. I just replaced my wasting time with watching movies, TV shows, etc. At the moment, I'm getting just enough work done to get by and feel OK about myself, so the desire to quit the time-wasting isn't super strong. Last time I quit was when I got myself in such a hole that I was behind on everything. I'm not really sure what to do. In the long-term, I'm hoping I'll be able to work just a few days a week and steer clear of the computer the rest of the week. But I have to work hard to get myself there, and I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to that. *sigh* Anyway, it's been 9 days since I quit gaming. It's been OK so far. Not a ton of craving, but not free of it either. There's a particular game I want to play that I've been itching to do. My computer blocker basically won't block new games, so I know I can buy something new and play that. Of course, I know that once I waste a few days on that game, I'll add it to the blocker, so I'd be paying ~$50 to play it for a couple of days. For now, that's sufficient motivation to not play. Let's see if it lasts.
  2. Hey Deku! Just noticed this new topic of yours and super happy you haven't disappeared! Secondly, I hope you update soon! How's it been going? Even if you've relapsed on gaming, please do come back and leave a note 🙂
  3. Well, as can probably be assumed, I did end up relapsing a day or two after the post above. It hasn't been a complete disaster in the sense that I haven't gamed my life away... but I've fallen just short of that. I've been using an app called FocusMe as a crutch to block games I don't want to play. So I ended up playing somewhere between an hour and 3 a day... which still gives me time to do some work and other activities. But I've been really falling behind. I need to be working more to keep my earnings, my own business is stagnating while I game. I haven't really had the motivation to stop until today. Not sure what came over me, but I did set FocusMe on for the next 90 days with no gaming allowed. There's ways around the app (to some degree), but I'm hoping I can do the 90-day detox again despite that. I still have the problem of watching videos, but one thing at a time eh? I guess I'll need to start a new topic, since I'm not really pulling weeds here anymore. It's back to full-on gaming detox. What bothers me the most is how long I didn't have any motivation to quit. It's not like I relapsed and then wanted to quit immediately. I gamed from November to nearly end of January until I started getting the feeling like maybe I should stop. And I'm not super convinced about it yet. Sigh. Not sure what's going on, but I guess I'm back to try to figure it out?
  4. Oh shit man, I'm sorry to hear about this! Look, I know it's a big loss and disappointment right now, but it could also be a strong motivator to get back into it. Was this internship the only product of the past year+ that you've been killing it since you stopped gaming? I highly doubt it. You gained so much. You learned just how much you can do. It's a set back. A bad one. But you can get come out stronger than before. My last relapse a year ago finished after I got nearly fired by a client I really enjoy working with. It set me straight and enabled me to find the motivation to quit games. Haven't gamed since. Maybe this your moment.
  5. Hey guys, It's been a while, clearly. It hasn't been super bad or super good. I finally deleted my phone games, downloaded an app lock, locked my app store, and had my wife pick a password. Yes, I can probably hack the system to install more stuff, but for it's been enough to keep away from games for the past 2-3 weeks. I did have a brief relapse with phone games when I went for a trip and had to unlock the app store, but I found that I now found these games boring. Crazy how getting out of an addictive behavior works! I haven't been able to really move forward with not watching videos. I'm neither here nor there. Since our latest move, we now live in a studio, so my wife's usually around and I'm embarrassed to watch stuff in front of her. So it's been minimal enough that it doesn't take over my life. I don't go to bed late. I still get my work done. The problem, of course, is that it does still eat up my time. By the end of the day, I look back and I wonder where several hours went - and it's down to stupid crap like watching random YT videos, surfing Facebook (which I hate), and otherwise reading stuff I'm not actually that interested about. It's a problem, but I guess it's not a severe enough problem for me to get the motivation to finally kick these habits for good. Dunno what to do about that. On the flip side, I've been experiencing the strongest cravings for playing actual computer games in the 14 months (wow, it's been that long!) since I've last gamed. There's one particular one that's out that looks really interesting, and I keep thinking "oh, i can just game a little on the side, no biggie". Yeah, right. If I start gaming, I know I'm not coming out of my room for anything for the next month. Sigh. I re-read my post from when I last quit. That helped me a bit. So far I've been holding off despite the strong urge. I just keep thinking about how much is on the line: my work, income, business, family life, health (I've finally started a decent semi-regular fitness routine), etc. I really don't want to screw things up now. I'm hoping a few days of these cravings and they'll go away. Can't last forever, right?
  6. Hey man, you disappeared! Everything OK?
  7. i'm somehow still not able to stop playing phone games. what the hell is this? i think i'm going to give my phone to my wife to hold on to during the day. not like i use it extensively for anything good anyway...
  8. Day 2/120 No comp games: ✔️ No mobile games: ✔️ 2/120 No excessive video-watching: X No phone in washroom: X Well, I somehow managed to stay off of mobile games! It was a close call, more than a few times. But I still can't stop bringing my phone with me to the washroom. Why?? I have no idea. Hopefully it'll get better from here.
  9. Glad to have you back onboard man. And agreed with everyone else - you do an incredible stuff even when relapsed! I wouldn't look at it as "4 relapses", I'd look at it as "I spent only a few weeks over the past year gaming". That's a huge win and it'll just get better from here!
  10. Ah, those can come in handy. And ups and downs are natural in this process ? Hope you enjoy your time off! What's your plan for this period? Thanks man! Missed you as well! Here's to hoping this goes well... I feel like I haven't had any real movement on my detox since August of last year...
  11. Yeah, so it's been quiet from me because I somehow keep relapsing on this particular stupid android game. I think it takes up a good 2 hours of my time a day and I just now spent 1.5 hours in a particularly-long multiplayer slugfest that I had to eventually quit because I just got sick of it. This is really starting to annoy me. I'm wasting my time on really stupid stuff now - at least computer games are in-depth and require a good amount of learning, skill, etc... this stuff is pretty dumb and mostly luck-dependent. So I'm re-committing myself to the detox above. I'm not really sure what else to do except try it again. I recently started rock-climbing and proceeded to injure myself on my first real day in the gym, so now I think I'm gonna be stuck recovering for a week or two, which sucks, as the activity was helping me stay away from this stuff. Anyway... let's see what happens.
  12. Day 2/120 No comp games: ✔️ No mobile games: ✔️ 2/120 No excessive video-watching: X No phone in washroom: ✔️2/120 It looks like getting rid of phone games made me go back to watching vids. But it's not super bad at the moment, hoping I can get it under control. Hey! Yeah it's been a while ? Things are good, how about you? Yeah, I'm looking forward to 2 years of this!
  13. Props on starting the journal up again. I think the anger at oneself is necessary to get motivation to quit. It's definitely been an important factor for me, but it does wear off after some time. But this is the thing about gaming: it distracts one from one's responsibilities, as well from other things we could be doing. I ask myself: how much more money could I have earned, how many more languages could I be speaking, how much better of a person I could've been, if I didn't game but instead spent that time productively? And the answer is super scary. I'd suggest a couple of things: 1) As you go through the detox, pay attention to your feelings. Once cravings kick in, try to analyze why they happen & why do you feel the urge to game? It's different for different people: distraction for some, achievement for others, competitiveness for yet another group... etc 2) Picture the improved you: where would you like to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years, etc? If you can't get there while gaming, it'll help a lot. All the best!
  14. I kinda abandoned my last journal, mostly because I went to see my family back home & obviously relapsed hard on shows and other stupid nonsense. Then I was basically traveling for nearly 2 months straight and didn't have the time or energy to keep up anything. But things have been overall not bad. I still haven't played any computer games, so it's now been over a year since I last touched one of those. That's a huge win, and I think the biggest factor was letting go of my ~$500 Steam account. I rarely get cravings anymore even. I have been here and there with mobile games & that's something I need to work on. There's been a major update in my life: my wife got into a graduate program at a uni, so we once again did a trans-continental move. Finance-wise things will be a lot tighter in the new place and we're living in a studio-ish apartment (it's got a tiny 2nd room that fits a desk and not much else). But it's actually good for several reasons: I'm now surrounded by pretty committed students all around me and it's making me more committed to doing something with my life myself. Also, my desk is now out in the open. I can't secretly do crap aside from when my wife is in class, so I'm a lot less tempted to do stupid things. Movies, TV, and YouTube have not been an issue for the last two months. I'm not really sure why. I think it's probably because I've been so busy with the move that I've always had something better to do. I'm really happy for them not to be an issue, since games & shows have been my primary addiction fuel. I'm not very confident that I'll be able to maintain this, because at some point life will settle down a bit and I'll probably have more opportunity to waste time. Which is why I'm starting this journal up again. So here's what I want to accomplish with this journal: - Maintain my game & vid-free streak. I'll allow myself an occasional video to watch, but no more than 1 and nothing actually harmful (like gaming vids, news, and other stuff that sucks you in). No getting stuck on YT for hours. - No more phone in the washroom. This has been tripping me up a lot lately and wasting more time than it should. - No mobile games. I have some "positive" habits that I want to work on as well, but I'll keep things easy for now and will focus on what I should NOT do. I feel like right now, none of the above requires a LOT of willpower (although there's a particular mobile game that's been eating up a lot of my time as of late). I think that's it. I've come a long way already, and if I can do the above goals for 120 days, I think my life will be in a very good place overall. But success is only with and through God.
  15. Hey man, good going! Day 85! Looks like you're on a roll ? It's been a while, but I actually still get your updates in my email, so I've been checking them once in a while. How about a new update? Been a week ?
  16. Day 14/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| No phone in washroom 0/120 20 mins of Qur'an 9/120 Gah, I relapsed on my phone in the washroom thing because I'm really into this book that I'm reading on my phone. Oh well. Not the worst situation. Videos and such are under control for now. Qur'an has been better, but still shaky. Not a habit yet, but I think part of that is that I don't have a daily schedule. Still transitioning after Ramadan - and honestly, I'm traveling soon, so that'll tweak my schedule again.
  17. Right on man. I was reflecting on this after your post: I really think being alone is the main reason people struggle with addictions, low willpower, depression, etc. I live in a developing country where people still keep family & friendship ties (because they're not always on their phones/computers... because most of them can't afford them) and I've long ago noticed that people are happier, less ADHD, and way more hardworking than in US/Canada where I lived most of my life. Living alone here is almost unthinkable. Either you live with family or you get married and live with your wife, or sometimes you get married and live with your family in your family's house ? Yes, family's not always fun and there can be drama, tensions, etc, but I think human beings are designed for this. We're not designed to live in one-man palaces with nobody to talk to except through a screen. No wonder Western countries have higher depression & suicide rates. So, long story short, I think this will help a lot. Especially if the roommate is a friend who could be supportive of your problem. I did manage to continue gaming even while rooming with someone in college, but it's a completely different story now that I'm married, since my wife knows about my problems and is supportive.
  18. Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that ? Have you thought of doing something more radical? Like getting rid of your computer entirely, or taking some time off from uni to go do things you're passionate about? Cam has that whole retreat thing now also. Or getting a roommate who's understanding of your problem and would be willing to help. I don't know if I could've done as well with my detox if I wasn't married... I have a feeling that you're struggling because you're really not enjoying your day-to-day. Gaming is a good means of escaping that...
  19. Hey man, it's been a few days. What's been going on? Oh shoot man, I'm sorry to hear that. And on a day like that too! I think this is a huge factor in why so many of the folks here (including myself) relapse. Poor sleep, especially habitually, can really screw you up. Glad that you're doing something about it.
  20. Day 9/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| No phone in washroom 9/120 20 mins of Qur'an 4/120 Smooth sailing so far, thank God. But Ramadan is coming to an end - I have a feeling things will get trickier afterwards. It's always easier to focus on the good in Ramadan. The big plus so far has been that I have extra time right now (I've finished up work with a number of clients & I'm not immediately bringing on more) and I dove straight into working on my business. Now that I have email subscribers going through sequences, I'm under more pressure (and motivation) to get everything set up as soon as possible. It's all very engaging - there's tons to do and I'm happy to do it (for now) and that's keeping me away from wasting my time on vids and things like that. If I do want to relax a bit, I read or talk to my wife. I have a trip coming up in a couple of weeks, which I'm looking forward to, but also dreading. On one hand, it's great to see family. On the other hand, seeing family always wrecks my good habits AND I really need to have some content ready for my business before I head out. Let's see how much I can get done!
  21. Day 6/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| No phone in washroom 6/120 20 mins of Qur'an 1/120 Dang, did I not update for 4 days? I thought it was 2 ? Overall detox has been pretty good so far. No forgetful lapses since the last post. I'm struggling more with Qur'an first thing in the day, had to restart my counter. So far I'm feeling fine. Part of it is that I'm actively working on my business and it's fun. No significant results as of yet, but reaching any milestone is like... well, a game. So if I have a spare minute, I'd rather do business-related stuff than watch videos. That's likely to wear off at some point. But I'll ride the wave while it's there. Hopefully it's the jumpstart I need.
  22. Day 2/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| No phone in washroom 2/120 20 mins of Qur'an 2/120 Better than Day 1. Forgetfully watched a few videos (I think via Twitter) but otherwise no problem. Remembered to read Qur'an after I woke up. Also, I did close to 48 hours of work last week. Must be some kind of personal record!
  23. CGAA sounds very interesting. I didn't know it even existed. The only thing I wish is that it would be in person, but I'm guessing there aren't enough people for that... too few realize that they're addicted or that it's harming their lives.
  24. Day 1/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| No phone in washroom 1/120 20 mins of Qur'an 1/120 My first day was full of forgetfulness. I forgetfully watched some videos on a news website and forgot to read Qur'an until later in the day. I'm still counting this as a day, because overall I didn't intentionally waste time on vids and habits take time to form. Feeling good so far. Not a lot of desire to watch anything. Thanks man!
  25. New topic: https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/7333-karabass-journal-part-3-youtube-shows/
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