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karabas

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Everything posted by karabas

  1. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 0/120 I'm starting this as I started my last detox, at day 0 and a pretty crappy day it was. I've been gaming for about 2 weeks now, which isn't that much. But it's just an extension of my whole addiction problem: for a good month before that I had a problem with videos and even books. The result is that I haven't been productive since June. I'm traveling to my home country in a few days to help my parents out with some stuff and will be there for a month. It'll be particularly important for me to have the time to work while I'm helping them. So I can't do this nonsense. So I'm restarting my detox, including games and videos, and addictive books (fiction mostly). Last time what caused me to slip was: 1) reminders of my past habits (such as news about games) 2) "excusable" videos: TED talks, random videos I saw that was relevant to my interests, and the damned world cup I've deleted most of my sources for the above (cleared history on youtube, etc). I need to get off of facebook as well. I also need to spend more time away from the computer, so I'm going to try again to get away after every 2 hours and run the pomodorro timer otherwise. I also need to start writing out my day's tasks and hourly breakdown again. I was able to do 90 days last detox, so I'm increasing it to 120 this time. If I can go addiction free for 120 days straight, that's a third of the year. Even if I relapse after, it's a long way without addictive behaviour. I'm kind of in a conundrum: what happens if I break my detox in videos? Videos are definitely not as bad for me as games, but videos lead to games. At the same time, if I break my detox through videos, I'll say "eff it" and will go back to gaming as well. I need to try to do both I guess - that's the only idea I have for now. Even if games aren't in and of themselves that bad for me, they end being really bad as part of my addictive behavior. So, here we go again...
  2. karabas

    Ninety Days Worth the Pain

    Yep. Your flaws are not you, because flaws can come and go. They're not essential to you & you shouldn't identify with them. If you accept that, then it becomes very easy to get very "tactical" about it: focus on how to eliminate one at a time. Never heard that before, but that's awesome!
  3. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 7/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) Sleep before 12am: 3ish (longest streak: 17) No phone in washroom 39/120 Umra resolutions (50%): 10/30 30-minute study: 8/90 Work Hours: 6:00 (9:10 this week) Ok. Went to sleep slightly past midnight. This is a second night in a row I'm counting it as a win, so tonight I gotta get to sleep before midnight or I'm restarting that counter. Everything else going OK. I have a ton of work and super behind on all my clients' stuff, primarily because of the relapses.
  4. karabas

    Mohammad's Journal

    Not to worry! What was the trigger? How were you feeling before it happened? Nostalgic? Tired? Bored? You need to analyze what happened & make adjustments to your detox plan to prevent it from happening next time.
  5. karabas

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Actually, in retrospect, we're talking about the same thing here really, aren't we? Which is: don't identify with your flaws. Your flaws are not you, you are something bigger than that and you show love and want what's best for this "bigger" you. Sorry for the rant lol, I get carried away sometimes 🙂
  6. karabas

    JustTom's Journal 3

    There are two issues here. One is that unconditional love doesn't entail a lack of criticism. You can love yourself and admit that you have flaws. Otherwise, just go out and game until death do you part! Secondly, what is the "self"? This is a metaphysical question, obviously. In the spiritual tradition that I belong to (Islam), the "self" or the "soul" is one's potential for perfection & Divine communion. The flaws are not part of it and you shouldn't identify with your flaws. You should identify with that potential for perfection that you have. The flaws simply prevent that potential from becoming apparent. So, as I understand it, loving oneself would imply loving that perfection that one can uncover in oneself. But if you mean to say to not see the flaws as flaws... that's an entirely different thing and has some problematic implications...
  7. karabas

    Ninety Days Worth the Pain

    Don''t try to fix yourself all at once. It's an easy way to be overwhelmed with one's flaws. Focus on one or two things that you can slowly improve on and work on them every day (like this detox). You might be mindlessly browsing, but at least you're not gaming. Fix the gaming first, then focus on other problems. God rewards according to one's intentions, not one's results. You don't need to be perfect, just have to strive little by little towards perfection 🙂
  8. karabas

    JustTom's Journal 3

    That's the spirit 🙂 Glad to see you back bro. That's how my recent detox restarted as well. It just so happened that I stayed away from videos for a few days, but I'm more committed now. So hopefully it'll work the same for you 🙂 You've got this!
  9. karabas

    Mohammad's Journal

    It's really important to get down to the core of the problem. What triggered you to want to play that single game? Can you avoid it in the future? Also, you now definitely know that you can't just "play one game", so hopefully you won't get caught like that again. That's really interesting. Might try that next time I have a craving!
  10. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 6/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) Sleep before 12am: 2 (longest streak: 17) No phone in washroom 38/120 Umra resolutions (50%): 9/30 30-minute study: 7/90 Work Hours: 3:10 Well, yesterday was a crazy day where I ended up starting work at something like 8pm. Not at all my fault, so I'm not worrying about it. On the plus side, I've gone to bed early the past couple of days! Honestly, once I tasted what it's like to stay up after morning prayer and how much I can get done in one day, it's really hard for me to not want to do that every day. There's just no comparison with my late-night sessions. I have another non-work obligation today, but hopefully the rest of the week will be productive.
  11. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 4/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17) No phone in washroom 36/120 Umra resolutions (50%): 7/30 30-minute study: 5/90 Work Hours: 28:05 this week (5:15 behind schedule) It's been somewhat better last few days. I haven't relapsed mostly because I've been too busy. But that's good I guess? I'm also having some pretty strong gaming cravings, for the first time since August when I last gamed. That's worrying me more than my struggles with this video detox. I am NOT going back to gaming man. I just can't. To be fair, the thought of having to pay for games again (since I deleted my Steam account) does sound like a huge hassle & waste of money, so I'm hoping I'll just ride it out that way. Sleep has also been better. Last two nights I've slept at around 1am (instead of the usual 2-3am) and yesterday I was ready for bed before midnight, but my wife wanted to discuss something important so we ended up staying up a bit. Yesterday was also the first day I stayed up after morning prayer until I went to bed at night and it reminded me of just how much I can get done if I can just get my sleep straight... gotta work on that. The 50% goal for my spiritual routine has been working well also. It's not difficult to do and is not time consuming, so I have fewer excuses to put it off.
  12. karabas

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Earth to @JustTom 🙂
  13. karabas

    Ninety Days Worth the Pain

    Hey @Lea, it's been a few days. Everything OK?
  14. karabas

    Mohammad's Journal

    salaam bro! welcome back, glad to see you're back on the detox 🙂 if I could offer a word of advice: try to spend more time on the journal. it's not just about keeping track of the number of days. you need to be monitoring your feelings & cravings, what makes it worse, what makes it easier, etc. Keep it up even if you relapse: you can asses why it happened and plan on how you're going to do it better next-time. In the long-term, this really helps you make progress. I'd start with reflecting on why you relapsed the previous time and what you're going to do differently this time to address that problem. Also, as a fellow Muslim, I'd recommend doing the prayer of need (salatul hajjah) at the beginning of your day & ask for help to get over this problem. And obviously you need to have basic spiritual routines, like Qur'an, istighfar (asking for forgiveness), and salawat (sending blessings on the Prophet ﷺ), even if it's just a few minutes of each every day. Hope this helps!
  15. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 0/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17) No phone in washroom 32/120 Umra resolutions (50%): 3/30 30-minute study: 1/90 Work Hours: 9:20 this week Meh. I keep falling into watching random stuff. I'm not even that into it, I think I'm just really tired. I definitely feel that way. It's not super bad right now. I'm managing to be mostly productive so I'm wasting maybe an hour or so a day on vids. It's not optimal, but I don't have the willpower to get myself to re-commit to the detox at the moment. I think it's down to my irregular sleep. Need to reign it in.
  16. karabas

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Oh hey! I was going to follow up with you and see where you're at. Glad that you're back (even if just to post). What is it about life that spikes your anxiety? What are you afraid of facing? Also, maybe this is a sign that your life goals aren't motivating enough? (Cue my normal pitch for figuring out your metaphysical beliefs since they're at the core of everything, but you know the drill :D) It can also just be fatigue. I've relapsed myself and I haven't had the energy or motivation to properly re-start my detox. I think I'm just tired of constantly pushing myself. I figure if I get proper sleep a few weeks straight, I should be back in it. So it's just a matter of getting some rest sometimes. Fighting yourself all the time is exhausting.
  17. karabas

    Journey to my white coat

    Good on you for working through a tough period man. Keep it up!
  18. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 1/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17) No phone in washroom 27/120 Umra resolutions (50%): 1/30 30-minute study: 1/90 Work Hours: 15:10 this week I'm sorta back on track. Haven't watched any more shows. I decided to cut my spiritual resolutions down by 50% (like I did when I was traveling). Hopefully after a month of doing this, I'll raise it back up to 100%. Still need to sort out my sleep. Slowly getting there...
  19. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Well, it's been crap. I've watched like two seasons of shows in one day (although I rescued some time by finishing them off via recaps instead of watching). This is right at the time where I had a couple of tight deadlines, which I obviously missed. On top of that, a high-paying client of mine paused my contract... it happens regularly and I was expecting it to happen, but I could've fit in a few more hours of work by now if I wasn't procrastinating and earned a good amount of money. Not a big deal in the long run, but just sucks to trip myself up this way. I really, really hate myself when I'm like this. Dunno what the plan is. I have a lot to do tomorrow and I know I'm really mad at myself now, but it always wears off after sleep. Plus it's late and I'll be tired tomorrow, which means even less self-control. I need to pray. Can't do this thing myself - I never have been able to, except when He's picked me up. So it's all good. It's just a reminder about the real state of things. Hopefully I'm so invested in the stuff I'm doing right now that it'll hurt to keep procrastinating enough for me to get back on track. Resolving to leave all this nonsense again tomorrow.
  20. karabas

    Journey to my white coat

    Exactly. It's not the commitments that make people unhappy, it's the feeling of not living up to your full potential. Getting rid of games helps one to start working on the things that matter, thus happiness 🙂
  21. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 0/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17) No phone in washroom 26/120 Umra resolutions: 0/90 30-minute study: 0/90 Work Hours: 9:20 so far this week Well, I guess that was expected. I relapsed on videos and watched 3 episodes of a show I used to like back in the day. I already broke the detox in the days before but as they were minor infractions, I decided to keep going. Can't really call 2+ hours of watching a show as "minor" though. Not all is lost, however. I still have youtube, netflix, and the rest blocked on my computer. My only access to this stuff is via my phone. And I didn't stay up abysmally late, but cut myself off soon after finishing up my work. This actually may be worse because if I don't see the harm of my relapse, I'm more likely to continue with it. But I'm hoping I can maintain my semi-productivity and get myself back in the detox. Videos were going to be harder than games anyway, I've known that for a while. In terms of what caused this... pretty clearly it's been the constant travel, disruption of my schedule, and lack of proper sleep. This led to increased FB usage and then slowly, relapse into videos, mostly due to lack of proper self-restraint due to poor sleep habits. Sleep is my #1 priority in the coming days. If I can return to sleeping on time and staying up after morning prayer, things will turn around quickly (God willing).
  22. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 78/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 2 (56/100) Sleep before 12am: 0 (longest streak: 17) No phone in washroom 25/120 Umra resolutions: 0/90 30-minute study: 0/90 Work Hours: Dunno for last week Ugh. My life hasn't been very stable lately. A lot of travels & other things happening. I still can't settle back into my solid routine that I had before traveling for the holidays. I'm squeezing out some work, but it hasn't been to the amount I wanted and it's becoming a problem. Very behind on several of my clients' projects + don't have time to pursue my business or new clients. My spiritual resolutions are floundering: I do them sometimes and sometimes I don't. Same for studies. Even my video restrictions have taken a battering. I've allowed myself a few videos & I'm struggling with getting off of FB, despite the fact that I see it as a really problematic medium. A lot of this is down to instability in schedule + the hassle of incorporating in this country + bad sleep habits. I need to stay in the sample for a month and just do my thing if I want to get back on track. Otherwise I'm afraid this detox might fall apart - and I don't want to go down THAT rabbit hole.
  23. karabas

    Ninety Days Worth the Pain

    It's totally a thing. Originally designed for deaf people, but works just as well for those who can hear 🙂 Like I said, I used it as a silent alarm so that I don't wake up my roommate in the early hours of the morning. Worked for me just fine for ~4 years, no sound needed.
  24. karabas

    Ninety Days Worth the Pain

    Have you ever tried one of these? https://www.amazon.com/Sonic-Alert-SBB500SS-Extra-Loud-Flashing/dp/B000OOWZUK Got it in college because I would wake up early and I didn't want to wake up my roommate. Unlike regular alarm clocks which I start ignoring after a month or two, this one lasted me 4 years (and I wasn't using the sound function, which is annoyingly loud). The bed shaker is so strong, I had it under my mattress, not my pillow like the instructions recommend.
  25. karabas

    Journal

    Oh man, I'm really sorry to hear that. That's really rough 😞 Not much that can be said here. Just be of service to your mom in this time as much as you can. Physical & emotional comfort can be key to a recovery, plus it'll keep you away from the computer. So just serve her hand and foot and try to make this time as bearable for her as possible.
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