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karabas

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About karabas

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  1. karabas

    hi! I'm new here

    Hear, hear. I think most of us are here because gaming is taking away from the stuff we really want to be doing with life. I'm glad that you've had this realization: in my time battling my addiction, I've realized that these mental realizations about myself and my relationship with technology have been my main turning points for the better. You have to win the mental battle first. It really all depends. First of all, what kind of flight sim - the kind that'll help you learn how to fly aircraft, or one of those game-y ones (even if super realistic)? Anything close to gaming - including smartphone stuff - needs to go, otherwise it's just a means to get back into gaming. If it's for your training to fly - then you need to look at how you're using it. Are you using it to accomplish what you want? Or are you using it to create an alternate reality and fantasize about it without working towards making it real? The former is fine, the latter is a sign you need to stop. There are some guys on the forums who've been able to stay away from games while watching e-sports, so I guess you could try. Personally, watching games is almost always a gateway for me to start gaming again. Last several times I relapsed, it started with watching videos, then escalated into wanting to do it myself, etc. So I'd say don't do it. Once again, others here might disagree, but I think that getting to a point where you no longer love games is crucial. Watching games is a clear indication that you love the activity. --- Do start a daily journal on the forums here. It helps a TON because it helps you to document your feelings and get to the core of your problem. It also helps to get advice, input, and encouragement from others.
  2. karabas

    JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

    Congrats man! You pulled through! No worries on the next assignment, take it one step at a time 🙂
  3. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    That's 100% what I'm doing. I get caught up in stuff like this - usually longer than a few days - but yeah, it does go away after a while. I just don't want this to be my return to unhealthy YT watching.
  4. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 23/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 1 (68/100) Sleep before midnight x0 (longest streak: 3) Spiritual Routine: 3/7 Sleep: ??? I'm out with some sort of stomach bug. Had a ridiculous fever yesterday and now it seems like my body's fighting another one by a non-stop stream of sweat. It's absolutely disgusting. Sleep has been chaotic - I sleep in bouts of a couple of hours. Obviously this threw any hint of work out the window, but what can you do. I'm not at 100% today, but I'm feeling well enough to start getting back on track. I'm finding it hard to get back into work though - don't have much willpower at the moment.
  5. karabas

    Journey to my white coat

    Yo man, that was some powerful stuff. And those mental realizations are often worth their weight in gold (wait... they don't have any weight... you know what I mean) I think this is one of the biggest advantages of writing a journal - it helps you reflect on your mental processes and detect problematic thinking, behaviors, etc. But yeah... can't override emotions. But hopefully this newfound realization is going to make it easier to get through this low point and get back on track.
  6. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 21/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 1 (68/100) Sleep before midnight x0 (longest streak: 3) Spiritual Routine: 3/7 Sleep: 2:30am->6:40am, 7:00am -> 11:00am Again, slight improvement over the previous day. Fairly productive (although still not where I want to be). Today will probably not be as good because I have to help my wife with some stuff and that'll take several hours minimum. Have to get this sleep thing in order also - I didn't really intend to sleep this late this time around. Also, I'm still watching YT, it's still somewhat intentional in that I'm interested in a subject and go watch videos about it, but it's becoming quite time consuming and that's a problem.
  7. karabas

    Journey to my white coat

    There are no leagues bro. Looks & awkwardness/lack thereof are superficial things. Good relationships are built on things deeper than that and you seem like a good guy. Having said that, you gotta be careful with building this up in your mind. If it doesn't work out, you don't want to out for the count for the next month. I don't have a ready solution for this. I can say all sorts of encouraging things like "just focus on school, let this develop naturally", etc, but I know that doesn't really work. Can't turn emotions off. But it might be a time for introspection. Why are you so invested in this girl? Why is it that you can't stop thinking about her? Not in the sense of "why is she so amazing?", but rather, "why do you have this drive to think about her?". It doesn't happen for me with girls, but as I said in my journal, I'm currently in the phase of daydreaming, where my thoughts are occupied about future possibilities, etc. I think it's important to reflect on it and see where these feelings, thoughts, etc are coming from.
  8. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 20/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 1 (58/100) Sleep before midnight x0 (longest streak: 3) Spiritual Routine: 2/7 Sleep: 3:00am->6:40am, 7:00am -> 12:00pm Doing a bit better, had a fairly productive day. Stayed up late because something came up, was on course for going to bed slightly past midnight. But I do need to get back onto a proper sleeping schedule. Still watching a few videos, but less now. And I think it's a slightly different psychology this time. I'm not living vicariously through the people in the videos, although I am using the videos to fulfill my daydreaming. Thanks man. Yeah, I just have retrain myself to do the work. Can't really glue myself to the chair, though. That's the thing with not being single: my life isn't just about me, so there's often interruptions or things I need to do on occasion. And since I'm working from home, I sometimes find it hard to get myself back into work if I've been distracted from it for some time. But yeah, it's just practice I guess...
  9. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Days 17-19/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 1 (49/100) Sleep before midnight x0 (longest streak: 3) Spiritual Routine: 1/7 Sleep: 2:30am->6:20am, 6:30am -> 11:00am I stayed up last the two nights essentially fantasizing about the future (instead of working towards making it happen). Last night I was up late watching vids related to that. I'm not sure if I should count this as breaking my detox since I technically was looking for those vids, but I definitely slipped into some "recommended" watching (damn phone app... I removed recommendations from my desktop). I'm going to let this go unless I do more of it today, in which case I'll restart the detox. This is another pattern of mine that I'm realizing. When faced with a lot of work (as I am now), I instead start imagining my life once I'm more secure financially. I have this dream of going back to my home country (my parents left when I was a kid and the country sucked then, but now it's doing well economically and has been modernized significantly). So I spent two days researching the best cities in terms of climate, healthcare, real estate prices, etc. I think I'm an expert now, lol. It seems like I have a HUGE arsenal of tricks I use to avoid work. Games were one. Videos are another. It seems that daydreaming and fantasies are yet another. I don't understand what the hell happened in my life that I grew up to be this lazy man-child who can't handle a small dose of responsibilities. I don't even have kids yet! *Sigh* Not feeling all too great about myself today, but I've also found that disappointment in myself is probably the only real motivator that makes me want to change, so that's good I guess? Here's to a productive day today. There's a lot of stuff I need to do.
  10. karabas

    JustTom's Journal 2: Summer Edition

    Ride it out man. You know this phase will pass, like all others before it. Just gotta minimize the time spent in it, that's all 🙂 I'm glad you're reaching out help. That's a tough one, but it's crucial.
  11. karabas

    Journey to my white coat

    Damn, man, you're crushing it at school! I always say that university is easy if people study ahead, do their homework when it's assigned and not when it's due, etc. People make it difficult by procrastinating (probably because they're gaming or partying). Congrats! And keep it up 🙂
  12. karabas

    Karabas's Journal: Part 2

    Day 16/120 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pomodorro Lvl 1 (41/100) Sleep before midnight x0 (longest streak: 3) Spiritual Routine: 0/7 Sleep: 12:45am->6:30am, 6:45am->9:40am Had to make another trip to the capital city for some paperwork, so was on the road for a while again. Didn't have much time to be productive and definitely didn't run much in terms of pomodorros even when I was working. Sleep was actually pretty good, just went to bed late last night because we ordered food and it was an hour late, so it pushed me over past midnight. The other nights I slept early and got a lot of rest. It looks like I'll need to repeat the trip against next week or so. This nonstop moving around is really throwing me off. I haven't been stably in one place since end of July. I really need to be in one place and get work done. I'm a freelancer, so little work for me means little pay and it's really starting to hit my wallet bad. Anyway, that's that. Looking forward to (hopefully) being productive for the rest of the week. I have to set specific work hours. Overall, 8 hours a day is more than enough. I'm going to aim for: 8am-12pm & 4-8pm. I need some evening hours because that's when most of my clients are at work because of time difference. Yeah that's kinda where I'm at. I almost never accelerate to top speed. But I do agree that overall I gotta be a lot stricter, at least for the time being. First of all, I have to set different expectations with friends & family. Gotta get them used to hearing that I'm busy so can't pick up the phone or go somewhere or attend some party. Second of all, social time doesn't affect me much if it's on occasion. But when most days of the week there's something that I have to do that's beyond my normal schedule, it becomes a problem. Well I get default social time by virtue of being married. My wife and I hang out and talk a lot. So my needs elsewhere are not so great. But the other problem is that I have some kind of "exceptional activity" that's not part of my default daily schedule almost every day. I do agree that on occasion giving up some productive time is perfectly fine. But when I can't get into work day after day because there's something or other happening, I gotta start being stricter with my time...
  13. karabas

    Journey to my white coat

    Glad to be of help man 🙂 I saw the notification pop up in my email and felt like this was one of those posts that shouldn't wait on a response. Hope you're feeling better! I love these forums man. Yes, the journal is more for yourself than for others to read, but at the same time I feel like the human component is what makes it that more effective.
  14. karabas

    Journey to my white coat

    Lol I like that this is what you guys got out of that post 😛 I didn't exactly propose after a few conversations. It was more that I said that I wanted to get to know her for the purpose of determining whether we'd want to get married. The idea behind marriage without dating is that you get the key variables out of the way first. Like people nowadays ignore the big questions and get married, but it bites them in the butt later. Like say, you want to have kids. And the girl you like doesn't want to have kids. People say "that's a bridge we'll cross later", but the reality is that there are only 3 possible outcomes once you come to the bridge: you have kids and she's miserable for the rest of her life, you don't have kids and you're miserable for the rest of your life, or you get divorced. All 3 options suck (unless one of you changes their mind, but it's a bad idea to base your entire marriage on a hope that someone will change later). So the idea is you don't even consider marriage if the "non-negotiables" don't match. And THEN you're introduced, get a feel for the chemistry, personality, common interests, aspirations, etc. I did kinda "cheat" in that my wife and I talked and felt a chemistry beforehand. So when I called her it was more to discuss the "big stuff" and get a better feel for personality, common interests, etc. So we did talk a lot before making the commitment. I came up to meet her family and she came down to meet mine. And we did interview each other's friends lol. But yeah, we didn't really "date" in the western sense until after the wedding. But it's a lot more stress-free once the commitment's been made. Been happily married for 7 years now, so I'm happy with the results 🙂
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