Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

NEW VIDEO: 22 minute gaming addiction documentary

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, Vera said:

Hi @BooksandTrees! I think your therapist told you the right thing. Don't waste your time wandering around, get this exam out of the way! You didn't fall lower, you improved a lot, believe me. I have faith in you, keep going, stick to your good habits so they become your second nature.

Thank you. I'll try. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 2.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I failed my exam today that I studied for months and waited 2 months for the grade. A passing score would have seen me become a project manager and receive a substantial raise.  I'm disappointed.

Today was decent. I woke up late again and made breakfast, went for a 2 hour walk, made food, watched TV, had therapy, had my online date, and then sculpted in Blender for about 2 hours. So far t

Today was ok. I woke up late, felt very out of it, didn't do what I wanted to do, and feel bad about it in general.  This will be a very long post and I hope I do not hurt anyone's feelings by wr

Posted Images

On 2/11/2020 at 4:04 AM, Ikar said:

I read that everything that can turns into a soft-core version of porn over time.

Cool observation; seems to hold up. Whenever a new social media app pops up who quickly rises to the top? Women in bikinis and men with 12% body fat acting dumb. Lol. Didn't take long at all for "esports" commentary and streaming sites to become basically porn channels. I read an interesting article earlier today about how the world wasn't always like this... the ancients prized engineering and scientific skill over throwaway gimmicks like iphones and forgettable music. From a practical perspective, we haven't even advanced that far in the last 2,000 years. Electricity and computers certainly changed the game but what have we really done with them that ancient mathematicians weren't doing? (I'm purposefully being simplistic here, we could obviously list a million things that have enhanced people's lives but overall we use modern technology to produce an endless amount of toys that are designed to break every 6 months) 

Sorry I'm bored at work and went on a tangent. Lol.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, ceponatia said:

Cool observation; seems to hold up. Whenever a new social media app pops up who quickly rises to the top? Women in bikinis and men with 12% body fat acting dumb. Lol. Didn't take long at all for "esports" commentary and streaming sites to become basically porn channels. I read an interesting article earlier today about how the world wasn't always like this... the ancients prized engineering and scientific skill over throwaway gimmicks like iphones and forgettable music. From a practical perspective, we haven't even advanced that far in the last 2,000 years. Electricity and computers certainly changed the game but what have we really done with them that ancient mathematicians weren't doing? (I'm purposefully being simplistic here, we could obviously list a million things that have enhanced people's lives but overall we use modern technology to produce an endless amount of toys that are designed to break every 6 months) 

Sorry I'm bored at work and went on a tangent. Lol.

It's true. It's hard to avoid and very stupid. It's just infiltrating our minds. I'm gonna try harder this time to stop. I noticed how little energy I have now because of the binge I went on. 

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been having success with Nofap from the small amount I read on their site and keeping a counter on here. Typing NF day 1 I think helped a lot. People are built to want to hold onto what they have already gained more strongly than pursuing something more. So each day you get under your belt you'll be increasingly more motivated to do nofap.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm burnt out and tired. I'm doing every task at work because the spare junior engineers don't do their work so my managers don't trust them. I don't blame them, but I'm overwhelmed. Just discipline these kids or fire them. Do something. 

It's making me frustrated and I'm too tired to do anything after work. Like, I should go and study after work, but I'm burnt out and don't want to study. I don't want to do anything. I feel better after exercising, but I don't want to exercise. 

I just think it's bull shit that I have to exercise in order to gain my energy back after a long day. This is why I watch porn. It's difficult to not watch it. I just read an article about a polyamorous relationship searching for a house together. Can you imagine the sex? What a fantasy this guy is living... I'm so jealous. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

I'm burnt out and tired. I'm doing every task at work because the spare junior engineers don't do their work so my managers don't trust them. I don't blame them, but I'm overwhelmed. Just discipline these kids or fire them. Do something. 

They will, if they keep doing nothing. Why would they pay employees that do nothing?

28 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:

I just read an article about a polyamorous relationship searching for a house together. Can you imagine the sex? What a fantasy this guy is living... I'm so jealous. 

I can imagine that after a day of 9-5, if I have the energy to have sex, I'd crash asleep instantly after it!

Focus on yourself and you'll be fine 🙂

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Today I'm 69 (nice) weeks away from video games. Unfortunately, I got hurt rock climbing today. I had climbed 4 routes and went to climb my 5th. I climbed something I couldn't climb on Wednesday on my first try, but as I was coming down I got scared and jumped off, landed awkwardly, and hurt my ribcage. I rolled my right ankle, but didn't break it. The ribs are what hurt the most. My friend is a nurse so she was climbing with me and tested me. I had no broken bones. It just hurt to cough. So I left to prevent any further injury. 

I went to the urgent care clinic as the pain was getting worse, but the wait for a doctor was 2 hours because every retard was there with their fucking children because of a cold or flu. Like, if you have a severe cold or flu you should take over the counter medicine for 4-7 days, drink lots of water, eat easily digestible foods, plenty of soup for the additional fluids and warmth, and rest. Some of them were saying they never take medicine or get vaccines. Mankind has worked for thousands of years in every culture to develop medicine to aid you in pain and illness. That's something no animals have. Actually, I take that back, some animals eat specific foods when they are sick. Just stupid.

Point is, I had to wait 2 hours to see someone, so I left. I called my dad who was a paramedic for 25 years and he had me do a few tests to rule out a punctured lung, broken bone, or anything else. Breathing does not hurt at all, which was the main concern. So I'm just resting now and taking some advil.

I did masturbate this week, but in total I only masturbated 3 times, which was 15 less than last week. So I'm very proud of myself for making that kind of progress. Work was better as well. I'm also enjoying my book a lot. I'm on the 3rd book of my trilogy with only 200 pages left. I haven't read like this since I was in 5th grade reading 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'. 

I got some more study material and will begin tomorrow. I feel more organized and ready to begin. I'm also beginning 2 weeks earlier than suggested because I don't plan on studying every day for 2-3 hours. That's not real. I wanted to study during this week and next to figure out a correct pace and gauge how the next 8 weeks will go before the exam. I'm determined to pass, but not a moron.

I'm still finding that after rock climbing I have nothing to look forward to doing. I don't want to do any chores or tasks for myself. This means I'm still battling through some depression. I'm concerned how my inability to rock climb or do yoga for 2-5 weeks will impact my health. Oh well. I'll deal with it. The only thing I've been looking forward to is reading, climbing, and sleeping.

I'm serving a reminder to everyone in the game quitters community that sometimes you can be at 69 weeks and still have a lack of things to do and look forward to doing, even when you keep trying stuff. But I'm still moving forward and not getting urges. You can, too.

Thanks

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I'm going to rearrange how I'm quitting porn. I could quit cold Turkey with games, but porn is more difficult. I think if I do watch it I make sure it's 1 hour before bed. That includes regular masturbation. If I do it during the day I feel high and unable to focus after and it's not productive. That leads to tiredness and depression. Over time I'll phase out porn through my reading and exercise before bed, which has worked. 

Boredom has made me suffer relapses recently. 

This makes me question my expectations from happiness and spending time during the day. I find that I enjoy committing myself fully to something in a very hardcore manner. That's not realistic. You can't cook hardcore or read or exercise. You can work hard, but not exercise for 10 hours straight. 

I don't enjoy doing multiple things. I enjoy doing only one thing over and over again. I think that makes sense when you analyze how I was a professional gamer in a game where the format never changes. Or how I was addicted to doing 1 skill at a time in runescape and hated doing quests because it felt like work. Like I enjoy mindless, monotonous tasks for long periods of time. 

Then out of nowhere I hate those tasks and want to do creative, dynamic things like animation, writing, and traveling. 

I really wish I could understand myself better and know when I want to do which task and how to accept the fact that I'll do it and not be anxious about spending time. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've spent the past few hours reading my private journals about porn addiction and revising them. I think I was not accurately explaining why I'm watching porn correctly. It basically comes down to Boredom, Loneliness, Escapism from depression, frustration, and anxiety, Shame, and media. 

Porn is making me very lazy though. In fact, I don't really even want to finish writing this post. I need to relax a little and not relapse. I wrote my personal strategy to quit so that's fine for now. I don't want to just copy and paste it in here.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I really need to quit porn. I installed a blocker and put a giant stop sign on my phone. I need to take a proactive path on quitting porn. I want you all to look at how I view my time in life so you can see why I'm watching porn. It's not all to do with loneliness or stuff like that.

  1. I get tired at how much I can do in one day. Although I've quit games for 69 weeks I still have trouble with how to spend my day. It exhausts me. I like doing something for a long period of time. It stresses me out trying to plan tons of activities to fill my day. This stress frustrates me and makes me tired and depressed. I don't enjoy doing a lot in one day.
    1. Saturdays and Sundays: 16 hours of day.
      1. 3 meals = 1.5 hours. Exercise = 2 hours. A movie = 2.5 hours. Reading = 1 hour. Studying = 4 hours. Talking on the phone = 2 hours. Chores = 1 hour. Animation = 1 hour.
    2. Weekdays after working for 9 hours:
      1. 1 hour of exercise. 1 hour of cooking and eating. 1 hour of reading. 2 hours of studying. 1 hour of a hobby or relaxing etc.

Do you guys see how and why I'm struggling? It's daunting to just fill that time with stuff. I get anxiety trying to fill that schedule up. All of this takes so much energy. I got stressed out listing my weekend activities on this post because I didn't know how to fill my time properly. 

Porn and masturbation allows me to release my stress from planning these days. Life was so much easier with video games. My porn usage has increased by almost 4 times since quitting games because of the amount of stress I need to release. I am so tired from planning and learning. I'm just fighting to fill my day and get it over with instead of actually enjoying the day. I don't enjoy my days. I view my time as a burden and need to get through it. It's awful. Nothing makes me eager to leave my bed in the morning. Everything feels like work. 

Some people would get excited to do all of those things in a day like I listed. I loathe it. I view it as such a hassle. It's a burden. It's exhausting. Porn lets me just sit there and not thing. I can just relax.

If you guys notice I don't really relax here either. I don't know how to relax. Maybe I can sit down and listen to music? I don't know. There's nothing I enjoy doing. I don't enjoy my life and it makes me sad that I don't enjoy life. Depression isn't the reason I'm not enjoying life. This is why I don't take medicine. I am just not generally interested in anything besides hockey, rock climbing, and porn. 

Let me know what you think.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, I feel you. I kinda feel the same about scheduling things, stress, and depression. It shouldn't take that much energy though, but I guess that's just depression. 

It kind of dawned on me today that I've spent the past twenty years in various states of depression, and all of a sudden I'm expecting myself to have all the life-skills and habits built up to fight that. I've really only made any significant progress towards this in the past year, and there's still a lot of work left to do. 

Really, the best we can keep doing is experimenting and see what works and what doesn't. 

Out of curiosity, what would an ideal Saturday or Sunday, just for you, look like? Does that line up at all with what you have written down? Is there anything that you could change that would make your days off look more like something you'd be happy to experience?

Link to post
Share on other sites
35 minutes ago, DaBest said:

Out of curiosity, what would an ideal Saturday or Sunday, just for you, look like? Does that line up at all with what you have written down? Is there anything that you could change that would make your days off look more like something you'd be happy to experience?

I honestly just wish it didn't matter. I put so much pressure on myself to live ther right way. I miss being a kid and just playing when my chores and homework was done. I now structure my days so I feel complete and make the day go by. I wish I had love from someone who would remind me that life can be enjoyed. 

I'm utterly alone and miserable. There's no community I believe in or enjoy being a part of anymore. I can't handle being alone because of my pain. 

To answer your question: I wish I didn't care. I wish I could just have a little project to work on for like 2 weeks and then do a different one. Some nights I'd love to just be with a wife. Hold her, love her,  cherish her, feel my heart smile, make dinner, talk, watch tv, kiss, fuck, relax. Wake up the next day with something to look forward to doing. 

I don't look forward right now because I'm stressed about the exam. Then I'll need to find a new apartment. Then move. I can't freely enjoy activities. These past 2 years have hurt my spirit. I need love. I don't have it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I like doing something for a long period of time.

I don't like writing this, because I could game several hours a day, but I'm afraid that's something that doesn't serve us well most of the time, because most of the life is about balance, rather than going all-in on one or two things.

I think nailing just one goal for the day (i.e. something important that you do not want to do) is acceptable. Discipline should feel better over time and become a habit. I'm working out daily for the past 7 weeks and I can't imagine my day without that at this point.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Ikar said:

I don't like writing this, because I could game several hours a day, but I'm afraid that's something that doesn't serve us well most of the time, because most of the life is about balance, rather than going all-in on one or two things.

I think nailing just one goal for the day (i.e. something important that you do not want to do) is acceptable. Discipline should feel better over time and become a habit. I'm working out daily for the past 7 weeks and I can't imagine my day without that at this point.

I know this. It's just exhausting doing too many things during the day. It's overwhelming. I used to exercise every day as well. It's just the fact that there's another 14 hours in the day that you have to get through. That's where I'm struggling. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Today was ok. I have been pretty depressed. The highlight of my day was talking to that girl I really like. I did some stuff at work, but it was really hard to stay motivated. I've been on such a downward spiral the past few weeks. Nothing has made me happy recently. I've been very upset about relapsing with porn. I have my strategy now so we'll see how it goes. I'm also tracking my calories with myfitnesspal. I've been eating poorly for over a year now and it's showing. I'm happy with how I've been able to brush my teeth each day for 2 months, moisturize, and take 4 showers per week for the past 2 months. I'd like to continue with my diet. I think eating healthier will also improve my mood. Not dramatically, but in some way. 

I think I need to start looking forward to living life. I don't. It might be nice to look forward to my meals, tracking them, etc. I used to do this from 2016 to 2017 and it made me happy. 

I need to eat 1500 calories per day in order to start losing weight at 1 lb per week to get down to 160 from 180. But today for instance, I ate 2,600 calories. That's not good. So I'm gonna fix that. I think it's another good way to treat myself and appreciate myself some more.

My ribs are starting to feel better. I'm basically just sad, have no energy, and don't want to do anything but sleep. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

Oh man, you're dealing with the low of recovering from injury. May you feel better and get through this struggle and be better for it.

Thank you. I was depressed a long time before the injury, but I'm looking to just improve my outlook on activities and lifestyle choices and see if this makes a difference.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.