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5 hours ago, Ikar said:

This strikes me as the second case of yours in a couple of days where you go really out of your way to comply with/help someone else. The first thoughts I got regarding the drunk was to either shove them into the nearest motel or into their car, while taking the keys away from them, so they can pick them up the next day. If they were a real friend of mine and I wouldn't be drunk myself, I'd drive them over to my place or stayed with them.

I feel these are the examples that reinforce the thought you had that people are useless, irresponsible and stupid. It's a sound idea to be this care-taking around babies, but not around adults, as you'll just get used and abused. Don't be selfish. Be assertive. I think "No More Mr Nice Guy" by R. Glover would be an excellent book for you.

I agree. I'm also not going to get angry at myself and beat myself up like normal. I've recognized that I don't approve of what I did, but I've also made food and meal prepped for days and am trying to maintain my life a bit better. I've taken good steps this week so I need to be positive as well. 

 

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Today was interesting. I got accepted to take the difficult exam this spring. I'm very excited for this. It will establish me as a professional engineer with a license if I pass the exam. 

The thing that annoyed me today was someone needed work. They'd been bad working for me before, but I gave a second chance. He worked for 3 hours and charged for 6 hours. So this time I'm calling him out for it tomorrow. I'm being assertive. These people aren't my friends. 

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I keep thinking back to what @Ikar said about being too nice, letting myself get walked on, and referencing the Mark Manson article about no more mister nice guy. God damn you're right dude. I just have such a hard time realizing how much people actually like me vs actually using me. I can't stand it.

This is just one of those growing pains. I'm fucking mad about this work issue where people beg me for hours and then don't work. They're not getting hours from other project managers because they suck and project managers have grown tired with them.

FUCK this pisses me off. But I can't get mad and ruminate. Being mad for 15 hours straight is not the correct response and is going to make me weak. I have to separate this. I know my strategy for tomorrow. I can do this. I can do it.

Relax.

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Today was better. I politely told that person he could not work on my project anymore and he retracted his hours. I then proceeded to get a lot done and have a good day.  Now I am very tired. 

I'm so happy I can't explain it though. I don't have to see anyone this weekend. I'm relaxing tonight and then cleaning and doing hobbies tomorrow. 

I also might buy a kindle for Christmas. I love reading, but hate how heavy my books are. They are difficult to move and I don't like wasting paper. 

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On 12/18/2019 at 10:45 PM, BooksandTrees said:

I just don't think you need to go out with friends and drink alcohol to have fun. I think it's a pretty stupid excuse to have fun and all of these people are going to develop alcoholism problems. I'm done doing this after this week. If my office has us go out again for alcohol I'm just not going to attend.

Welcome to pick up some AA literature and attend online/face-to-face meetings the only requirement is a willingness to stop drinking and can be a fine community to help like GQ is for gamers. Attending doesn't label you as an alcoholic, just a sane dude trying to better his life. If in need for links let me know can DM 

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1 hour ago, goodvibes said:

Welcome to pick up some AA literature and attend online/face-to-face meetings the only requirement is a willingness to stop drinking and can be a fine community to help like GQ is for gamers. Attending doesn't label you as an alcoholic, just a sane dude trying to better his life. If in need for links let me know can DM 

I only drink a single beer once per month but they always ask to go. I almost always say no. I don't want to attend something. I appreciate the offer. I think it's a waste of time is all. I'm more complaining that I'm wasting my time by spending time with these people. 

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Today I am 61 weeks without video games. I finally put an end to a very frustrating week. I talked to my friend on the phone for almost 3 hours yesterday. He recommended the app "Headspace" to begin learning meditation. I also had a coworker recommend it. He's a very cerebral person so I trust his opinion on this matter. I also slept for 11 hours and didn't watch porn.

After reading all of my posts on this thread where I relapse with porn and masturbation I have found that almost every situation was a result of anger management. I am specifically looking for porn to change my thought process because I'm too attached to anger. I don't smash things or scream. I just keep revisiting the scenario where I was offended, hurt, or used and replay the entire situation again and again. I hold onto these moments for what seems like days, months, and years. I then focus on the future. I dream of passing this exam for licensure, getting a better body, finding a home to live in, and being good at my hobbies.

The problem is I'm not in the present at all. I am not working on individual hobbies. I want to make a cartoon, but am not learning where the tools are in the program itself. I want to buy a home, but I'm not meal prepping to save money which is causing me to order food and spend an extra $5,000 per year on food. This food is not as healthy as meal prepping which is ruining my body. Now I'm not working out and I'm just day dreaming of being in good shape when I'm slowly losing my physique. 

I'm also putting other people first. I feel obligated to do social events with people who I know don't care about me. I get one comment such as "come on, you gotta come with us!". It cripples me and I spend the entire time with them. Then I go there and they don't care. The people who never showed up? The event goers don't care either. They still talk to the no-shows the next day like nothing happened. 

The frustration with all of this is very clear. I put other people first at fear of social rejection and fall from grace, which could cause loneliness and insecurity. But the evidence shows that the no-showers didn't have those effects I fear and are currently still popular in the office and life. The people who put themselves first are happier. I think I'd be happier if I just stick to the same goals I keep regurgitating each post about rock climbing, watching hockey, animating, exercising, and reading/enjoying my cartoons and movies in my spare time. Other people might find those nerdy, but they make my life happy. I miss playing.

People tell me "if you don't do these things it means you don't want to do them." False. That is false. If you are ever told that comment it could also be false. It's false because I really want to do these activities. It's all I think about. The issue is what I mentioned above. I obliterate all of my free time by not living in the moment. I keep getting asked to do stuff on weekends and "catch up" with people. I just tell them all the crap I'm going through and I can't escape it. I go to coworker's events during the week so they can socialize, but I get nothing out of it. I don't enjoy the activities at all. I annex all of my free time so I can please others. I don't do hobbies, don't release stress, and don't have fun. This leads to porn.

Also, this habit of trying to please others will make me a bad boyfriend/husband/father in the future. I've already proven this in the few relationships I've had with women. I placed all of my ex girlfriends on a pedestal. Anything they wanted I'd do. I'd be their slave and they'd reward me with sex. It's slowly made me feel comfortable with porn because I turn to it for the same feelings of weak gratification. My ex girlfriends never did nice things for me. I just catered to them. This repeat behavior has not be solved yet as evidenced by the actions I've taken the past few weeks. I can't live life with this fake guilty conscience that if I don't please people I'm a failure. I must fix this. It's crucial.

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When I first started making friends after quitting games I too felt pressure to constantly attend social events. What I've learned is that your real friends don't track how many of their events you've been to, how many times you've messaged them first, how often you pay vs. them paying, etc.

Instead, focus on yourself. Focus on the things that are important to you and work on them. Be busy because you're building a life. To what should be no one's surprise, the high quality people are doing the same thing and completely understand when you tell them you can't attend their event, or you can't talk to them because you're in the middle of something important, etc. They're in the same boat!

If you can manage to do this, you'll solve a great deal of your problems. You'll be more confident and assertive because you know what you want and aren't afraid to say no when you simply can't make it.

That being said, it's a lot easier to say than to put into practice!

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1 hour ago, seriousjay said:

When I first started making friends after quitting games I too felt pressure to constantly attend social events. What I've learned is that your real friends don't track how many of their events you've been to, how many times you've messaged them first, how often you pay vs. them paying, etc.

Instead, focus on yourself. Focus on the things that are important to you and work on them. Be busy because you're building a life. To what should be no one's surprise, the high quality people are doing the same thing and completely understand when you tell them you can't attend their event, or you can't talk to them because you're in the middle of something important, etc. They're in the same boat!

If you can manage to do this, you'll solve a great deal of your problems. You'll be more confident and assertive because you know what you want and aren't afraid to say no when you simply can't make it.

That being said, it's a lot easier to say than to put into practice!

Thank you. I completely agree. I think today was a great day for me to practice this and heal a bit.

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9 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Thank you. I completely agree. I think today was a great day for me to practice this and heal a bit.

Despite having basically zero relationship experience, I am also pretty confident in saying that the same advice will help you attract higher quality women. I've heard all the rules of waiting 3 days after a date to text them, not responding to them right away when they text you even if you're laying in bed staring at the ceiling, acting all aloof and uninterested during a date...

If you build a life that you're proud of and passionate about, that is going to show in your relations with women and I think it's something that would be extremely attractive. It shows her that this guy is worth something, that his life is going somewhere. Don't respond right away because you're working on an important project, or you're away on a business trip and have limited access to your phone. Don't be busy for the sake of being busy.

If you do this, you're also going to learn something about your standards as well. You're not going to want the clingy ones that can't do anything for themselves because you won't have time for that. You're no longer going to tolerate women that do not reciprocate what you do for them, not because you're counting how many times you've done things, but because you have immense respect for yourself. That respect simply won't allow people to walk all over you.

I've always thought the best advice for attracting the right women into your life is becoming the best possible version of yourself. That means becoming comfortable and even happy being single. You want someone that will complement your already full and awesome life. You don't need anyone to "complete" you.

Best of luck brother, cheers!

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29 minutes ago, seriousjay said:

Despite having basically zero relationship experience, I am also pretty confident in saying that the same advice will help you attract higher quality women. I've heard all the rules of waiting 3 days after a date to text them, not responding to them right away when they text you even if you're laying in bed staring at the ceiling, acting all aloof and uninterested during a date...

If you build a life that you're proud of and passionate about, that is going to show in your relations with women and I think it's something that would be extremely attractive. It shows her that this guy is worth something, that his life is going somewhere. Don't respond right away because you're working on an important project, or you're away on a business trip and have limited access to your phone. Don't be busy for the sake of being busy.

If you do this, you're also going to learn something about your standards as well. You're not going to want the clingy ones that can't do anything for themselves because you won't have time for that. You're no longer going to tolerate women that do not reciprocate what you do for them, not because you're counting how many times you've done things, but because you have immense respect for yourself. That respect simply won't allow people to walk all over you.

I've always thought the best advice for attracting the right women into your life is becoming the best possible version of yourself. That means becoming comfortable and even happy being single. You want someone that will complement your already full and awesome life. You don't need anyone to "complete" you.

Best of luck brother, cheers!

Ah yes,  my favorite game. When they or you wait exactly 9 minutes and 45 seconds to reply to each text. 

I agree and thank you for this slice of advice as well. I have the same belief in leading this style of life. The only issue I have is pursuing it and being comfortable working hard for things I enjoy. I've gotten better with instant gratification due to quitting video games and social media, but porn can creep in and when it's not porn it's junk food. Funny how the body and mind remembers so well. 

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1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:

Ah yes,  my favorite game. When they or you wait exactly 9 minutes and 45 seconds to reply to each text. 

I agree and thank you for this slice of advice as well. I have the same belief in leading this style of life. The only issue I have is pursuing it and being comfortable working hard for things I enjoy. I've gotten better with instant gratification due to quitting video games and social media, but porn can creep in and when it's not porn it's junk food. Funny how the body and mind remembers so well. 

Oh believe me, I am very well aware of the effects of junk food. I've managed to ditch the pornography and I masturbate a few times a week at most. There is actually a lot of science to suggest occasional masturbation is very healthy for you as long as you can keep it under control, but I digress.

One thing that works for me when it comes to junk food is the 5 minute rule. When you get the craving, go do something else for 5 minutes and tell yourself if you still want the junk food after that, then you'll go get it. Usually after the 5 minutes you won't even remember wanting the junk food in the first place. It works almost every time. The issue is having the discipline to apply this rule each time the craving comes up. As with everything, it gets better over time.

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Today I did what I wanted. I woke up, got out of bed without reading on my phone, had breakfast, took a shower, brushed my teeth, practiced 5 minutes of meditation, and then went straight to my animation class online. I remembered most of the stuff from my last class from 3 weeks ago and felt very good.

I had a lot of fun with the class and it gave me a dopamine rush because I wanted to animate more. I made a little snowman 3 different ways: with clicks, buttons, and then numerical methods only. This is the one with clicks:

image.png.c215bd5dffbc4d76b72781242abb6b8d.png

The dopamine rush was a little embarrassing because my mind assumes any dopamine rush means I want to watch porn so I began to crave porn severely for about 5 minutes. I took deep breaths and just kept following the instructor online and the urges went away. I choose to view this as a positive development because it means this is the first time I've felt a dopamine rush doing something creative in about 15 years since I built something out of Legos for fun. All of my other dopamine rushes have been from porn, video games, masturbation, and binge watching shows. I'm very happy. I also never got dopamine rushes from drawing, painting, boxing, building furniture, reading books, or any other activities besides maybe rock climbing, but not nearly as much as just making this simple snowman. Let this be advice to anyone reading: I quit video games 61 weeks ago and I have only just now found a hobby I get a dopamine rush from, even if I just started it. Be patient.

The happiness from this lead me to feeling like I could finally do my laundry. So I folded my clothes from yesterday's load and then started a new load. I then did 10 pushups, squats, sit ups, supermans, rows, curls, tricep curls, shoulder presses, and a 30 second plank. My heart was racing and I now realize how out of shape I've gotten after just doing 10 of each basic exercise. But I felt focused after it and ready to do my next class session.

I did my next few sessions and created a chair and desk after learning more commands. I'm going to take a break for today so I don't overwhelm myself with too many keyboard commands to memorize. It's not a job, it's a hobby, so I will enjoy it until I'm ready to stop.

image.png.0dbd1db29abdbae0610a486ef0d451a7.png

I'm now going to watch an older Star Wars movie because I was craving it and want to relax. I'll then meal prep some spinach and rice in a tomato sauce, eat, read, and do the rest of my laundry before relaxing and getting ready for bed. I'm going to also meditate for 5 minutes and brush my teeth.

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I tried writing this post for an hour and couldn't do it without making myself look evil. All I'll say is I'm amazed at how much anger I have inside of me and how difficult it is to change my thoughts and be neutral or happy once something irritates me. I allow myself to get riled up and I can't stop it for a while.

It's odd because I believe so much in helping others, being good, and leading a good life. I want to serve the community, myself, and life in a good way. It just feels so good to ruminate, fantasize, and be angry sometimes.

I think it's just another form of escapism.

Has anyone seen the 7th Harry Potter movie or read the book? How they have to destroy all the horcruxes to kill Voldemort because he's immortal with them. Like he sews his soul and essence into them and remains evil.

That's how escapism and depression are with me. Think about it: Porn, video games, hateful fantasies, junk food, chronic masturbation.

Those are just all places and resources for me to hide from my life issues and store any issues I have without dealing with them. As long as these things are alive I'll always suffer. Porn provides emotional release and lustful fantasies, video games provide community and progression, hateful fantasies allow me endless ways to release anger against people who have hurt me, junk food fills me when I feel empty, and masturbation is a form of connecting with myself, being alone, feeling comfort, but also release.

All of those "vices" are easy as well. They promote laziness and no effort. It takes no effort to masturbate, play games, watch porn, eat like shit, not exercise, and think poorly about everything.

All I've done to change this is find friends and community and have quit video games from it. I'm not getting any love or fulfillment yet, but I'm trying. Work is getting better and I've found 3 hobbies I love doing when i feel like it. I just don't have that hobby I can do without thinking. Maybe that means I need to get a treadmill and walk and listen to hardstyle electronic music to deal with mental anger. I did that tonight and felt better until I got angry again. Meditation is an interesting approach to dealing with ruminating thoughts and anger.

Below is triggering for people doing nofap or no porn. Don't read it. It's not worth ruining your streak.

Spoiler

I'd really like to meet a woman and have sex, but that would solve nothing. I think one night stands are just a real life version of porn where you look for whatever you're in the mood for, have meaningless sex, and then find another. It's disgusting. I want love, meaning, partnership, and passion. I don't even want to just have sex. I want to give sensual, tantric massages and explore the body while saying romantic and passionate truths. I could do that forever I feel like. I'm hoping I don't relapse after writing that lol. Probably will. Been 1 whole day without porn.

It's easier to smile than to frown and it feels better to smile. I'm making good progress. Just be patient and look how far you've come. I'm doing really well.

I'm not hating anymore after writing this and that is good.

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I got a cool idea recently regarding sex. I just imagine having sex means having children 100% nine months after it. Surely, a few hundred years ago, even without pills or condoms, the likelihood of that wasn't 100%, but today we're at a point where having sex and having children are almost two separate things.

I don't think our brains are emotionally able to grasp that. I think they equate the two things above. It would explain why sex is addictive. It's difficult to walk away from a (once) functional sexual relationship. I believe sex can create a long-term relationship, but whether that relationship will be truly functional or not is decided before sex happens. Functionality is decided on compatibility (common interests, shared values etc.) and after that on putting in the effort from both sides constantly. Sex is a good glue, but the pieces should fit properly before it's used.

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2 hours ago, Ikar said:

I got a cool idea recently regarding sex. I just imagine having sex means having children 100% nine months after it. Surely, a few hundred years ago, even without pills or condoms, the likelihood of that wasn't 100%, but today we're at a point where having sex and having children are almost two separate things.

I don't think our brains are emotionally able to grasp that. I think they equate the two things above. It would explain why sex is addictive. It's difficult to walk away from a (once) functional sexual relationship. I believe sex can create a long-term relationship, but whether that relationship will be truly functional or not is decided before sex happens. Functionality is decided on compatibility (common interests, shared values etc.) and after that on putting in the effort from both sides constantly. Sex is a good glue, but the pieces should fit properly before it's used.

That's true and an interesting perspective. I do not want children at all as I don't want to take care of anyone right now. I want more enjoyment in life for myself. 

Yesterday I had very vivid dreams about sex. It was insane. I also keep having a momentary nightmare at 3 am and then getting rid of it. I'm waking up exhausted though. Never refreshed. 

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I've found today to be the hardest day I've faced in a long time regarding depression. It's terrible. It started last night when I got home from work. I was exhausted after working so hard. I got a lot done and had a great day, but I came home to nothing. I decided to be proactive and take a 3D modeling class to stay on track with hobbies every day. After the class I grew extremely tired and went to bed at 8 PM. I woke up at 10:30. Like, come on. Why can't I just fucking sleep if it's not at the "sleeping time"?

Anyways, I stayed up and tried to go back to bed. I ended up watching porn about 4 times. Between those binges I looked for houses, watched a movie, thought of hobby stuff, tried meditating, ate a full meal, browsed YouTube, everything.

I ended up going to bed at 6 AM and sleeping until 8:30. I forced myself back to bed and woke up at 930 and then 1030. I think no matter how tired I am my schedule is basically 11-7 sleep no matter what.

I went to my mom's house for Christmas and proceeded to spiral out of control into a depression. I tried hard not for her to notice. Her retarded friend came over and the guy is just so fucking loud when he talks. She babies him. He's not legitimately retarded, I just enjoy calling him that because it makes me feel better about myself. Don't comment on this. It's just the way it is, especially if you read my journal from pages 12-22 or something. Otherwise, just roll with it.

I started to get a brutal headache as he kept yelling (casually talking) about why he was there (pick up a fishing pole) and repeating it like 15 times. My mom keeps trying to get me to bond with him so whenever he shows up she goes out for a cigarette and leaves me there to force a conversation with him. He stares at me with this glimmer in his eyes like he deserves my attention. I force a conversation about motor homes. He yells about motor homes. My mom comes in smelling like an ashtray. She then starts babying him in conversation with her tone. She talks to him like I wished to be talked to as a child. He's 53. I want to smash everything in the house and scream at the top of my lungs for hours until I'm sedated and put to rest.

The rest of Christmas was fine. My mom actually surprised me and got me a wonderful gift that I never asked for and appreciate. She got me a full gopro camera set and all of the equipment for it. I had mentioned I wanted to make funny YouTube content as a hobby, not for people's admiration, and she got me a lot of good stuff. I felt bad because I didn't get her anything. I never got the chance to talk to her and never got her anything. So that's postponed for another date I guess. Just another reason for me to feel like a dip shit.

I still struggle immensely being around her and in the house sometimes. Some days I have no issue. Other days like today where I wonder if I'll move again in 4 months or buy a house while I'm studying for the most important exam of my life, I can't help but get terminally angry about how last winter went so poorly and how I almost killed myself from the aggravation, depression, stress, and pain.

It all comes back and I have to sift through it so I can move forward. It worsens my headache and I drive home. I'm finally at my apartment now. I took headache medication, got water, and am sitting on my own. I'm starting to feel better actually. My depression headache is gone and I'm not depressed anymore.

Has anyone seen those "doomer" memes? I hate people who obsess over memes because I associate those people with gamer addicts and people who do nothing but browse reddit and make life worse for others. This was different, though. There's some funny YouTube videos with daily lives of doomers and it shows the meme. It basically shows them stuck at their computers, watching porn, trying to find love through apps instead of real life, leaving the house to get alcohol or cigarettes, enjoying driving as they finally get to express themselves, go back home, get depressed more, and cry themselves to sleep because they find life isn't worth living so they don't put any effort into it. They then suffer because they aren't living life and just stuck behind their computers all day trying to bury their minds in video games, YouTube videos, Reddit, Conspiracy sites, porn, you name it.

I find that I share some of those qualities and am not happy about it. I'm so angry at myself for watching porn. How am I this weak? It's fucking ridiculous. I can't let go of porn because I want to one day make animated porn and make money off of it. That's the only reason I'm holding on. I mentioned this in the past. I would feel better animating the cartoon I originally dreamed of making with the astronauts and stuff, but in the back of my mind I'd love to make animated porn and sell it for money. Stuff that I love seeing and just make it better than others. I then start thinking about this and search for it online. I then watch it like three times before getting numb.

Then I just sit there in self defeat. I don't actually want to make 3D porn or animated porn. The idea of it just excites me because regular women and porn got boring to me so I just went to the next thing, which was 3D stuff. I don't care if you know this. I need to be honest in order to move forward. I'm just trying to make my own sexual fantasies come to life because it's safer than meeting a woman and falling in love with her. That's not actually true, but in my mind I don't trust women at all and don't trust relationships after being abused by women. I'm struggling to overcome this. I just think they're going to use me for their own gain emotionally, financially, and physically. I don't need that right now. I know it's not true. I know there are good women out there. I'm just afraid and not ready yet. Porn isn't going to help me get over this and I need to believe that to be true so I can heal. Porn is causing bad sleep. Bad sleep and porn is causing me to browse the internet mindlessly. All three of these are causing my dopamine levels to plummet like when I played video games and watched porn.

I'm almost in the same spot as last year when I was a gaming addict. I need to overcome this. I'm not doing myself any favors at all.

I wanted to add I found another software I enjoy using for hobbies called Adobe Audition for recording podcasts or creating music. I want to make my own videos soon.

Edited by BooksandTrees
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Number one: abandon that bad habit absolutely. 100 per cent- your mental state will improve significantly!

Respond to anger thoughts methodically with the most honest answer. For example: “You are getting angry to excuse dereliction of duty and laziness, to shift blame to others and then relapse. You are not tricking yourself so easy”

Also use interdiction! Knock on neighbours door and start a conversation for example.

Then practice giving a solid rebuttal in front of a mirror. Practice like 5-6 times. You will feel real good after defending your territory later. 

 

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3 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

Number one: abandon that bad habit absolutely. 100 per cent- your mental state will improve significantly!

Respond to anger thoughts methodically with the most honest answer. For example: “You are getting angry to excuse dereliction of duty and laziness, to shift blame to others and then relapse. You are not tricking yourself so easy”

Also use interdiction! Knock on neighbours door and start a conversation for example.

Then practice giving a solid rebuttal in front of a mirror. Practice like 5-6 times. You will feel real good after defending your territory later. 

 

Yeah, porn is really suffocating me. I wish to get better and hope to one day never masturbate or watch porn again. If I can quit video games and social media I can quit this also.

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Hey,

quitting masturbating is very hard from my experience. I recommend doing the thirty day checklist taped to your wall. That’s the only way I’ve made headway on it. I’ll probably post about not masturbating on here too.

Erik

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49 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

Hey,

quitting masturbating is very hard from my experience. I recommend doing the thirty day checklist taped to your wall. That’s the only way I’ve made headway on it. I’ll probably post about not masturbating on here too.

Erik

Like this?

Image result for calendar cross off"

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I'm getting very bad anxiety at night again. My last apartment was brand new and made me feel safe.  This place is 3000 sq ft and any noises creep me out. I'll never be happy will i? The anxiety leads me to watch porn to clear my mind. 

Edited by BooksandTrees
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Try this recipe: either fast or (better) remove bread, chocolates and all sorts of pastries from diet. Mostly take fruit/veg, rice and little meat (better cod fish) in moderation.

Walk for 30 -40 minutes per day ( or other cardio exercise). I have an achievement in this, i walked 30 minutes without any thought taking hold of me. Not lying, I employed thought jamming: every step you make count it. If you lose count it means you’re not trying! Restart immediately. I counted up to 20 000 steps without stopping (imagining a red counter in front of me) Jamming is an interesting self challenge.

Cardio combined with this temperate diet pre-empts a situation where this can happen. The energy is expended differently

If one day goes okay, apply the diet and cardio a second day. You can go like this indefinitely.

 

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I don't really have any friends anymore. I think people view me as a burden because I have problems. It's difficult focusing on my hobbies when I'm so lonely. I think loneliness is a painful barrier to overcome.

I've already posted about friendships in the past letting me down. I am going to change my mindset on this. I'm going to train myself to not be offended or care if someone doesn't want to talk to me. At first I'd hold grudges. Other times I'd try to help them in hopes of them helping me or being my friend. That's not real.

Friends come and go because life comes and goes. We get new lifestyles and new goals. We surround ourselves with people who are going after the same goals. I'm just sad because most of my friends never want to spend time with me or care about me. I never get asked how I'm doing or how life is going. It's annoying and hard not to let it derail my life and mood for the day.

Another issue I have is this forum.

I am going to step away from this website for almost every day except my weekly updates on Saturdays just to show that I'm still away from games. I find that I'm using these forums for the wrong reasons. People help me and I believe I'm building some sort of friendship. I get excited and hope to keep sharing updates or talk to people. But we aren't friends really. I've found there are only two people who give me more or equal help than I give them. Everyone else just writes in their diary, likes your comment or ignores it, and moves on. Even better, I write something and they just "like it". It aggravates me when I write something and just get a like when I'm searching for advice. This has lead me to stop reading people's threads for the most part. 

I'm trying to get to know the person and build a friendship and they are trying to solve something of their own. People pour their emotions into their daily journals and get no responses sometimes. I've been lucky to get some and won't take those for granted to those who have talked. I try to help others in theirs, but who cares, really? I answer a question or two of theirs, give my perspective, etc. I get a "like". Next post.

That leads me to the greater question: What am I actually looking for from this website? I came here to quit video games. I did. I'm almost 62 weeks without gaming. Nobody is even close besides Cam who is like 400 weeks or something. This isn't a place to find friendship. It's just a place to quit games and I've done that. 

I stare at this blank forum some days and just want to talk. 

This is exactly how I feel about work. I am lonely and try to get friends out of colleagues, but they don't want to be your friend either. They want to work, get money, and move on. I need to have that same approach. People only speak to you for the reason you're in that setting. I get spoken to at work because I get work done and am interesting. People talk to me on here to get my perspective about quitting games or rarely offer some advice. People stopped talking to me because I quit gaming and gaming is their world. I'm only going to find friendship in communities that permit friends to be made with hobbies at clubs and gatherings for those clubs. Everything else is superficial. 

It's hard for me to forgive the people at work who hurt my feelings and then don't understand why I don't talk to them. Just terrible people who always hurt others. I'm just going to continue not talking to them and then stop giving them work until they go. I want more meaningful friendships. I want friends. I want a place to find friends. I want to not be lonely. This site is making me more lonely.

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