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Mettermrck

Bob's Journey

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Every history podcaster I've listened to has slowly improved over time and grows with confidence. I've seen this in the past when I've done writing and even Cam in his videos. My only delay is historical research.

Now you really have my attention) Where can I find your podcast? Maybe I'll give it a try. The things is I like history but I am virtually oblivious in that matter. School history lessons never really settled in my head and history books have one problem - to read it one have to know history.

I've found some "history for dummies" type of books, but it's hard to come by. 

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Thanks, @Hitaru yes I've always been fascinated by his role during the Revolution. It'll be a great chapter.

@HappyCat, it's not launched yet, but my target is by next year. I guess as some people love cooking, gardening, programming, etc., my passion has always been history since I was a kid.

Day 66/90. I think my gaming detox has turned into a countdown of sorts, as the number of days left gets smaller. I'll be continuing on to 365 days, following in the footsteps of @giblets, but 90 days is still something to look forward to.

I think I've finally turned the corner again on the porn. It was like wrestling a beast back into its cage. And it wasn't some victory of willpower either. I just felt...calm....and...ready again. And then I could avoid it yesterday. Hopefully I've learned some lessons from it. I read a lot of good info in Gary Wilson's website from a scientific and secular perspective. 

Now I need to wrestle soda/fast food back into its cage. I can see the differences, good and bad, in my life when I remove or indulge these habits.

Gratitude

1. An old friend bought my mother a plane ticket yesterday to see my brother at Christmas

2. The pleasure of simple conversation. The catching up is done, now you're just talking about regular stuff.

3. Muscles that feel like jello after a workout because I know I've worked them.

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Did the relapse on soda cause the relapse on fast food?

You can do  this buddy. Just visualise the amount of weight you were losing every day! Your body needs tons of energy to keep getting put through its paces in the gym, and it's only going to get that from healthy foods!

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@Vlad, thank you, my friend. Your support means a lot!

@giblets, I think the relapse was simultaneous. On one hand, I met a friend at McDonald's and had food with a water and the world didn't end. And around the same time, I drank sparkling water, a carbonated beverage very similar to soda, and the world didn't end. I got overconfident and let my discipline slip. So now I've reestablished it, a little wiser this time. I just can't drink any carbonated beverages period or eat at a fast food place during this process. Double down on what's working.

Day 67/90. I'm bringing my discipline back, thank goodness. I'm up to day 3 on the porn and I'm back to my old rule. Avoid fapping, but if I break down, just don't do the porn.

I feel like I'm getting past the soda and fast food again. I learned some lessons from this slip the past few weeks and I realize how important it is to maintain the discipline that has gotten me this far. I've done so much in barely two months. Imagine where I'll be in a year! I'm going to do awesome this year! ?

Gratitude

1. I'm alive and it's a new day

2. I have a comfortable home

3. The pleasures of dedicated reading again

Edited by Mettermrck

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I think that being conscious of our weak spots can help fighting those moments of anxiety.

Think to yourself what's the point of giving up gaming just to replace it with other bad habits?

Why do I need porn/junk food, etc?

Be truthful to yourself, am I hungry?

Also I truly recommend recognizing patterns, for example on porn, laying in your bed with a smarthphone is terrible idea, at least for me.

Have you visited nofap.com/forum/ ?

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@Vlad, thank you, my friend. Your support means a lot!

@giblets, I think the relapse was simultaneous. On one hand, I met a friend at McDonald's and had food with a water and the world didn't end. And around the same time, I drank sparkling water, a carbonated beverage very similar to soda, and the world didn't end. I got overconfident and let my discipline slip. So now I've reestablished it, a little wiser this time. I just can't drink any carbonated beverages period or eat at a fast food place during this process. Double down on what's working.

Day 67/90. I'm bringing my discipline back, thank goodness. I'm up to day 3 on the porn and I'm back to my old rule. Avoid fapping, but if I break down, just don't do the porn.

I feel like I'm getting past the soda and fast food again. I learned some lessons from this slip the past few weeks and I realize how important it is to maintain the discipline that has gotten me this far. I've done so much in barely two months. Imagine where I'll be in a year! I'm going to do awesome this year! ?

Gratitude

1. I'm alive and it's a new day

2. I have a comfortable home

3. The pleasures of dedicated reading again

Respect for having the mental strength and stability to continue regardless of slip ups! Most people take time to bounce back, but I think you have that valuable skill mastered.

My bad food habits had everything to do with meal routines. The solution was super simple. I made a rule of treating meals as a focused activity. It was tough to stop eating and working or eating and watching Youtube or eating and planning. But once I planted myself at the dinner table and focused on the food without any distractions I suddenly didn't have any cravings for the bad stuff. Soda tasted no better than water, sugary snacks became pretty much like any other food. I don't know the exact mechanics, but probably sugar in foods creates a short-term feeling of excitement about the activities you're doing while ingesting sugar. If there are no activities besides eating, then sugar loses its attraction instantly.

The pressure in social situations is a little trickier, but I think it's ok to do a side-step once in a while. I'd rather do that than get a reputation for being an outlandish health nut, that brings his own containers to a restaurant for a meal with friends or business associates.

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Day 67/90, wow! Must feel pretty good to be so close to the mark :)

Nofap is something i've heard is only useful for people who are really, really addicted to porn - like fapping multiple times a day. For others maybe once a week is alright, but never to actual porn of course.

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Day 68/90. I put on a couple pounds today but I'm not broken up by it. I saw it coming. And rather than choosing to despair, I choose to learn from it. It's no coincidence that my first gain in two months comes after a relapse on the soda and fast food. So this just reinforces my commitment to cutting these habits out. I'm still going to the gym and exercising, but I know that diet is most of the battle. I got this!

I'm still avoiding the porn well and am back on day 4. That's a good feeling and I know I'm capable of staying away from this.

My Mom and I went out for a nice lunch. We hadn't been to this place in a while for a nice grinder and just hanging out. It was a good feeling.

Gratitude

1. Had a good meal out with my Mom

2. I am strong enough to do without these habits

3. The gym!

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You didn't put pounds on, it's water retention caused by excessive sugar and salt. Just stay the right course and you can expect to forget about about them within 3-4 days entirely. The bad part is that if you eat junk food soon enough those pounds will keep you company for much longer.

No doubt you're strong enough to reinforce your healthy habits.

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Thanks, @Vlad. That's what I was suspecting. When I drink soda, I'm not drinking the tons of water that I was and that makes the difference. So no excuses, back on the wagon! ?

Day 69/90. Work field trip today so it's a more relaxed day today. Just going to get a military access card for our systems here. A bunch of us ride together in a van and it's an all day trip. I'm looking forward to the down time.

Things are getting back on track with my other addictions. I should've known better about the sheer power of my soda/fast food addiction. It is so...inevitable, like cocaine. Whew. Maybe that'll change when I'm at my goal weight but right now it's just pure kryptonite. Stay away..don't even go near it.

The gym was good yesterday. Each week I steadily up the intensity on the treadmill. It just feels so good. My body will give up its pounds!

Gratitude

1. Laughing and goofing off with friends

2. My mother cares for me

3. Working hard at the gym

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Just don't start snorting sugar Bob! If you stay away from sugar long enough that when you have some again for the first time in a while it repulses you. I can't stand sugar anymore, and I don't have a hidden secret of how I became like that, I just stopped eating it and my brain rewired after a while.

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Day 70/90. Wow, in the 70s...feels so long ago that I started this process. I still have much to do and a long way to go.

I forgot how powerful the soda/fast food addiction is. So much of my hope has come from giving that stuff up, controlling my eating, and exercising. Letting it go again, I hadn't notice those first tendrils of despair that were creeping back in, luring me back to that deep black out of hopelessness and isolation. I cannot give an inch on this one. There can be no compromise. I am committed to going all the way.

I think of my hierarchy of addictions sometimes. As long as soda/fast food is on track, it's easy to keep porn on track. It's almost like a spillover effect. I'm surprised there wasn't any spillover into gaming. Maybe gaming wasn't the most powerful addiction...but still not something I want to mess with while these physical changes are ongoing.

Field trip yesterday was fun. We all rode in a van for a couple hours to a naval base to get our access cards. One of my teammates was there and we were gabbing there and back. That was fun and made it a great trip. Sometimes I felt a pang when she'd talk about her family and married life. I'm not jealous...just a little sad about my own situation. But I know that will change. I just have to hang on.

Gratitude

1. Good times with friends, just talking

2. The hope that losing weight and exercise gives me

3. The immense amount of money I save by not going out to eat, drinking soda, or playing games

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Awesome update, bro. Good that you have a creative approach to addictions:D. I think when you are comfortable and certain that you have broken away from just one, the others will become simple tasks. Hooray for Bob, the Unstoppable!)

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Using your gratitude points, have you got a plan for what you want to use your newfound savings for? I find sometimes if I get a little down seeing my friends out buying stuff or having great times and I am not, that I remind myself why I am saving my money. Whether that be for a house, a holiday, or to treat yourself to something rad. It works!

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Thanks, @Vlad! I like Cam's pic of success not being a straight line but a squiggly one. I will reach my goals but not always in a straight manner.

@giblets, yes I have a series of long-term goals I want to pursue. They range from getting a newer used car, returning to school, traveling somewhere (I have a bucket list of trips), getting a good microphone for my podcast, paying off debts I incurred during my down and out period, etc.. Yes, it's easier to save when you have targets.

Day 71/90. Hanging in there. My wife asked me to come over and check on our dog. The dog is 11 1/2 now and she's getting old. I think she's ok just slow and maybe arthritic. My wife will be devastated when our dog passes away. Her nieces came over too. It was awkward, but everyone was friendly and wowed over the weight I have lost so far. It was bittersweet. I feel "apart" from them...it's nothing they are doing, it's my own feelings. And sometimes I get cocky and tell myself "they have no idea what I am capable of if they think my weight loss is done" . 

I worked on my history project some more....man my creative juices are flowing. As I put together my timeline, I can start seeing the overall framework take shape. It's like seeing the girders on a new building. Even if others think the material is dry or it's not an award winning podcast, it excites ME. And I will be prouder of that than any video game.

Gratitude

1. The creative juices from my project

2. Loose fitting clothes

3. Friends who reach out to me and not just the reverse

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Hi Bob, what a story! Even though I joined you at the last meters of your 90day trail, I wish you good luck and can't wait to read more!!

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The dog is 11 1/2 now and she's getting old. I think she's ok just slow and maybe arthritic.

Just don't let it chase hedgehogs) Out dog was hunter at heart and he went considerable worse after we had to treat his eye after some unlucky hedgehog catch attempt. He was around 12 at  this point.

>> Even if others think the material is dry or it's not an award winning podcast, it excites ME. And I will be prouder of that than any video game.

That's important. Maybe you should lauch sooner to get an immediate feedback?

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i know i jumped in late on your journal, as im still reading through most of you guys', and i have nothing to say but keep going in your life and let nothing stop you from achieving it.

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Thanks, everyone. Support and posts really keep me going. ?

Day 72/90. I'm starting to become more concerned with mindless browsing...as if my gaming detox won't truly be complete without addressing internet browsing and my smartphone. I notice I'm constantly worried about my phones charge. And that means I'm abusing screen time. Listening to audio doesn't have the same charge impact that browsing does.

    One solution will be the way I journal. Typically I journal in the morning and read and post on a few journals. Then, all day, I check in and post and read whenever I see a new entry. Starting tomorrow I am moving my journal entries to the evenings. And I will read and post in a single time block. That way I still participate on the forums like I want but it doesn't become an all day issue.

I've thought about a couple of other solutions too. Buying an old school alarm clock and keeping my phone physically away from me at night. And have some time in the evening where I put my phone in another room on the charger. I can still read on my Kindle if I want or physical books. I'll have to think on it.

Gratitude

1. My mother, always. She puts up with me when I go through these changes

2. Just love to read

3. The way I'm looking in my smaller clothes

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Hey Bob, I also have been thinking to switch journaling to the evening. Are you journaling from your phone? Have you considered journaling from a PC/Laptop?
Isn't it interesting how much do we value our time while we aren't playing videogames? Looking and reparing every time leak we encounter.

You are almost there Bob, keep going.

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