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giblets

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Everything posted by giblets

  1. No I don't, but I am sure that if I did then I would be either able to keep it that low or get even lower. It's one aspect that I never got right and really wish I did, but I just see it as being a whole lot of work and not being able to enjoy the finer things in life.
  2. Less than 10% body fat! Wow thats a big task. I think the lowest I got down to was 8.5% and that was some heavy training. If you have the time for it, good luck! And remember - don't skip leg day.
  3. Looking good mate! That was an intense video
  4. I had this initially because I felt "that I couldn't have fun anymore" and "what was the point if I couldn't enjoy life". It's a case of finding new things to enjoy or have fun with. I know that's a bit of an ambiguous statement or a bit of a cop-out, but that's the solution. Now I see spending time with my family my "reward" or simply enjoying the back deck with a coffee and the sun without having any nagging thoughts in the back of my mind of what I need to do or what I have been avoiding. Like anything, this will take practice mate. You're in a bit of a lull, and the detox will have several, but you'll feel amazing once you emerge on the other side.
  5. This. I was about to post the same thing. Understand the difference between nostalgia and the desire to play games. I really enjoy my nostalgia now, and it's a great conduit with old friends I thought I had to cut myself off from. We could have great conversations like "remember that time when we did X" or "beat boss Y" and have a few laughs. But afterwards recognise that's not what you do anymore and you're onto bigger and greater things. You will be surprised how understanding your friends will really be.
  6. It's practice. Jocko Willink's podcast got me motivated to getting up early, and ensuring that i was productive with my time. The first step is getting into the habit of getting up early, and then once that is ingrained, become aware of what you're doing with your time. I always ask myself "is this task worth giving up sleep for?" If the answer is no, then move onto something that is worth getting up for. It's a muscle just like anything else, you need to keep working on it before it becomes second nature. If you lapse into allowing yourself to hit the snooze button or to do other things apart from working, then that will become habit too.
  7. I tried Pokemon Go when I was trying to get big into running as a substitution for gaming. I found that while it was fun initially, it kept "taking me out of the moment" and I felt that I wasn't focused on the exercise, and it would distort my performance as I would stop to spin or adjust my route to one that went past gyms. I even got one of those goTCHA armbands that would spin for you so I could stay "focused", but ultimately found that didn't make it feel better. So i just moved on from it. To answer your question about mental health, because video games are escapism, yes people use them to deal with mental health. But, if will not make it better; at best you will "remain the same" with it all, as you are not focusing on the issues and how to deal/overcome them.
  8. I hear a lot of podcasts advertise betterhelp.com They might be cheaper than seeing a professional in a clinic as it's entirely online.
  9. It sounds like you need help mate. Have you seen a therapist?
  10. Mate the fact that we're on this website means that we do not have the ability to regulate. Your plan of only playing a few hours a day is not going to last, as soon as your brain gets that hit of dopamine and enters the flow, you're not going to come out for hours. What you've described as needing more and more is exactly the feeling that alcoholics and drug addicts get, and guess what, they can't regulate either. I would be careful to say you are feeling depressed, that is a very big feeling that you may be confusing something else for. For example, I feel 'happier' when I get to watch videos or chill out and do nothing all day. But that is not being happy, it is my brain getting the dopamine or reward it wants. What we need to do, and the 90 day detox is designed for (which has a lot of scientific support), is to redesign our brain for what it sees as a reward. What you're feeling as 'depression' is your brain thinking it has not had a reward. So I would say, and I am no expert, that you are addressing the symptoms and not the cause or underlying problem; only you can answer what that is but will require some reflection. It could be that you don't have any social connections away from your computer, but gaming fulfills that. It could be that you can't see any progression in your life, so gaming fulfills that. It could be that you simply do not know how to enjoy anything else, and gaming fulfills that. Until you go cold turkey and force your brain to start being in the moment and looking for other things for enjoyment, such as personal development, relationships with friends and family, progression with fitness, etc; then you're never going to be free of the cravings and never going to be able to move on.
  11. I always feel like my brain is in a vice if I sleep too much. Have you tried monitoring the length/quality of your sleep? I used to use a really good app on Android for years but I can't remember it now, but fitbit and garmin also have ways to track your sleep. It will recommend how long you should be sleeping and what times to go to bed and wake up to get the most out of it. I can also schedule to wake you up in a high point of your sleep so you're less groggy. Try also drinking 500ml of water as soon as you wake up - you will be dehydrated and your brain is running on empty. The majority of society confuse this with caffeine withdrawals and drink coffee - which is a diuretic and makes the situation worse.
  12. That's addiction mate, you love it, thats why you keep doing it, despite the damage or impact to everything else. I gave Pokemon Go there for a while, shortly after my first detox to 'help' me with motivation to get out and run. But I found it constantly took me out of the moment and I wasn't enjoying the run for what it was, so quit soon thereafter.
  13. @stablish I can no longer copy and paste quotes across journals - is there a new trick I need to do?
  14. Practice. You need to train your brain to be still and focus on reading, which is going to take time because it is not the same level of stimulus. A little bit every day and you'll get there. Don't get frustrated that you're not perfect or can't stay focused for eight hours at a time, but rather appreciate that you're improving slightly every day. You can focus for 5 minutes now, try again later for 6 minutes, then the next day for 7 minutes. You've proven you can focus on something for a very long time (youtube etc), so now you just need to redirect that.
  15. Day 58 Look at me go, two journal entries in a row. I've spent a lot of time thinking since my last journal entry, and in the last 24 hours as I try to avoid this assignment. I think I have been spending the last 3 years addressing symptoms, but not the underlying issue. I have done *some* work on the underlying issue, but I mainly have been trying to keep myself distracted or removed from succumbing to the symptoms, that is gaming and procrastination. The real focus of my work should be on avoidance (anxiety). Why do I feel so anxious when tasks come my way and look every which way to avoid it? All i have done is swap the mindless escapism with "escapism with purpose" by trying to be productive in the wrong areas or keep myself moving. Where did all of this start? There are two thoughts here. The first is where my anxiety first started appearing in the first place, which was around 2014. I was in a very stressful job and I was not looking after myself, and I think I burnt out from it. I thought I was or had recovered or rebounded from being burnt out, but I don't think I am. I think this anxiety is now going to keep following me around and digging itself into everything I do and disguising itself in my life until I work out how to combat it. The second thought was when I last was doing therapy for my anxiety, where we dug up some deep stuff when I was a kid that I had not thought about in years. The environment I grew up in displayed some traces or at least some seeds of where the anxiety could have started or could have sewed doubt in my mind. I worked a little bit on those, but I haven't touched it for a while. Looks like it's time to head back to therapy. Based on my thoughts the last couple of days I would say this is going to be a regular thing I am going to have to do for the rest of my life or at least the near future. I will look at booking appointments in the next month. No entry for day 29, so time to jump in the wayback machine to the original journal - Hmm, I can't seem to work out how to copy quotes in the new forum format. Maybe there is a trick that I am not aware of.
  16. Sometimes sitting and doing nothing and just thinking nothing can be the most productive of all.
  17. All the best, Comrade Commissar!
  18. Day 57 Another bit of a stint away from my journal. This time I really struggled to think of anything to write at all. Life has been quite uneventful. Maybe a formal structure would encourage the words to flow in those situations, but I did not enjoy forcing myself to follow a formal structure in my old journal. After a while I abandoned it completely and just went free flowing like I do now (though I do have reflections). I have a few days left and a bit of work to do on my last assignment for the year, so I will be hunkering down and getting as much as I can done on that for the short term so I will be quiet again. I am looking forward to being on the other side of it, so I can increase my running. Though, having said that, I have no done as much as I should or achieved as much as I should over the last few weeks by cutting down my running anyway. It has not been a productive few weeks, so while the detox continues it has not been super successful. I am also strong on avoidance lately as well, so while I have removed my avenue to 'escape', my brain still looks to do it, so I have only been treating the symptoms and not the underlying problem, whether that be a lack of discipline or some other issue. I was much more elated with this milestone! I think there hasn't been much change since the 28 day mark, though part of that could be because I haven't forced myself to reflect as much as I was back then, so I am not paying enough attention to it. Distances have been steady over the last week, averaging around 15-25km per run, six days a week. I have not done a marathon yet, but that is all about to change next week, with two planned in short succession if the legs can hold up. This will be marathons 31 & 32. I like the idea of doing 42, so then it will be 42 x 42km. I wonder how proportion of the population has done that many. I remember seeing an old runner a few years ago in the Sydney marathon doing his 100th. I thought to myself, less than 0.01% of the population has done that. Unlikely I will join him at this pace, but you never know. I think there is too many other things I want to achieve now that it will take me some time to get to 42.
  19. We thank you for your service mate! You've got this. There will be good days and bad days, but the end result is the same: rebuilding a meaninful life.
  20. Day 52 Nothing significant to report. Just avoiding study. It's funny that now that I have cut out all the wasting time on my PC/phone, that my brain thinks of other things to waste time on. "Oh hey you should go see that person" or "hey you should read this thing" or "hey you should go do your washing". Don't get me wrong, they are all tasks that need to be done, but it's quite obvious my brain just does not want to sit and study. I have been using the "just sit with it" technique to try and force my brain to focus on it because I won't let it do anything else, but usually work gives me an out. Someone comes to see me or calls me. My brain gets excited that it can do something else other than try to write this report that is overdue. JUST GET ON WITH IT. My usual motivational videos and audio aren't cutting it this time. I must do this. No day 23 journal entry on this journal, so I will grab one from 2017 The old mindlessly surfing the internet routine. Problem then, not so much of a problem now. Its interesting how I could not see that as a way of wasting time back then, or maybe this entry was the first that I was becoming aware of it? I am super self-conscious about it now around my kids, especially after watching Cam's keynote speech in Vegas again (which at this point in 2017 I had not seen yet), where he talks about the amount of kids who are problem gamers that started at 9. My kids want to start playing games now but I will not let them. My wife allows them to play some educational games, and while I learned a lot from playing them when I was a kid (especially about the United States and their war of independence), I do not want them to play games. Everywhere you go now that is kid friendly, there is some kid who is a zombie on their parent's phone or their own tablet. Then they'll grow up like me with no creativity or initiative and be as predictable as the sun rising in the east. I don't let myself buy things on my phone anymore, which is good too. No eBay, no Amazon, nothing. If I want something that badly then I can get off my butt and go look at it on the computer, where chances are I'll get a better deal anyway. Or I'll decide it's not worth the hassle, and keep those extra few dollars. I haven't done Duolingo in years. I really should pick it up again, learning Spanish is really one of those bucket list items, but I could not dedicate the amount of time that I wanted to it. There was a great another person from the forums that I was practicing Spanish with a lot for a while which was great, but it began to fall by the wayside when I had a sit down and really started to wonder what I wanted to do with my life, and I saw it as a distraction more than anything else. Maybe I will pick it up or something else similar again when my kids learn a second language to try and encourage them or make it a little bit more enjoyable. Time will tell. I know at least I can't pick it up for another year or so as my focus will be elsewhere, but I would like to learn it nonetheless.
  21. Mate you're making some huge changes and I am inspired. I remember those initial days where the is so much potential, it was very exciting. I hope you're all good now health-wise. That is one of our greatest assets, our health!
  22. It's a combination of people relapse, or move on with their lives and want to put all artifacts that remind/trigger them of this phase of their life behind them.
  23. Day 50 This assignment is tormenting me. Work has been quite challenging lately so I haven't been able to make myself sit down and study at the end of a long day, which means I am not using whole days and falling significantly behind. My sleep pattern is all out of whack as well, which makes me so sluggish in the morning and less productive. It all feeds into each other, focusing on just one element of life will cause an imbalance in others, or to rectify an imbalance needs help from all the other parts. I keep saying today is the day, but it never happens. The positive thing is that I don't find myself aimlessly scrolling anymore, though I am not entirely sure if that is because the changes that I have made in life or whether it is a by product of my daily schedule and how chaotic it is. I guess regardless of where it is coming from it is effective, but now I need to channel that time into being productive. I have read a lot of that about endurance running. I wonder how much of it is mental resilience. I was a bit worried that I was getting into long distance running too late in my life but males seem to hit their peak at around 35, women slightly later than that. Women are also far better at the sport. The race you're talking about was in Belgium, or was at least won by a Belgium team. It came up on my feed, the winner ended up doing 104 laps and bowed out on lap 105. That is hardcore commitment, and would be great to watch. Seeing people overcome massive hurdles and commitment to have big achievements like that is very inspiring. I remember reading a while back about having so many people at the finish line at a marathon after the 5 hour mark. I didn't understand it. But when you think about it, sure the people finishing in less than 2-2.5 hours are great athletes and good to watch, but it is moving and inspiring to watch someone who has just done a "couch to marathon" plan or doing a marathon for charity or to defeat personal demons and carry themselves across the line after 5 hours. Some days I feel like my running is enough, some days I don't. You're right though, I think maybe I do use it sometimes as an excuse to escape, and therefore it may be just as bad as gaming sometimes. I think I am going to wind back to the minimum to keep my mind at ease until I get a bit more comfortable or relaxed with where I am in life. This usually happens in cycles, I run too much and my life falls to pieces, then I cut back to the minimum, then I get frustrated and run too much again. Usually 15km is a good minimum where I felt like I have had a good run, yet it is not taking up the majority of my day. I do have 3 virtual marathons I have registered for in November, so now might be the perfect time to rest and get my life in order. So today is another day where 4 weeks ago I didn't journal and can't reflect. I would like to start incorporating my old journal somehow, maybe this is the opportunity I need. Let's see if I can copy it across here. Well there was no day 21. Turns out I had challenges with keeping a routine then too! I also tried to skip ahead to day 50, but turns out that was when I was in Las Vegas on a bachelor party in my original journal. That was a great trip, because the moons aligned and allowed me to meet @Cam Adair when he gave this keynote speech. I might rewatch it today and reminisce about old times! Instead of finding an entry to reflect on, lets leave with this gem on anxiety, still so true.