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Everything posted by giblets

  1. There was a great line I saw when reading about "being in the moment", and that is Life isn't boring, you are. It's an adjustment phase for you to start getting used to being in the moment. There is so much going on in life and so much to do and so much happening around you, that the only reason one would get bored is if one is too lazy to grasp any of those.
  2. Hey mate, glad to hear you are still plugging along! You've got this.
  3. Don't focus on how many hours you have lost in the past, visualise the amount of hours you have got back from this point onwards! When I pulled the plug on WoW it was mind blowing how much spare time I had during the day. Having gone through this process because I became a Dad, I can say you will not regret it.
  4. I have been doing a lot of reflecting recently about the finite resource that we all have and what separates the people from repeating the cycle of non-improvement from those who never satisfy their appetite for getting better and achieving more. Let's face it - it could possibly be the same element that brought every member of the forums here in the first place. Anyway, the way I have been using it recently to discourage myself from returning to gaming is writing down how much time it would take to "achieve" things in games versus the time it would take to achieve bucket list items in life. You would be surprised how much extra time you can create for yourself in life to achieve your life goals by removing games. For example, using Cam's recent video on WoW: 168 hours to get to max level in Wow. Compared to: 56-130 hours to train for a Marathon. 170-182 hours to study at college per semester. You could use the same formula for consuming content. The original thought came from a podcast where someone compared: 71 hours to watch all Game of Thrones. Compared to: 60-80 hours to get a Pilot's licence. I am going to work on this post a little bit more to make a personal database to help me stay on the straight and narrow, but I thought I would put the idea here if anyone else thinks it might be of use for them.
  5. Regardless of what your beliefs and ethics are - nobody lies on their death bed and wishes they did less in their life. Use whatever drives you to ensure you don't waste the only non-renewable resource we have - time.
  6. That's a good idea with your jogging - don't try to follow the guidelines of distances. I have found people seem to get anxious when they read distances that they should/are recommended/want to run etc which causes them to stop exercising. They also compare themselves to elite or people who have been training for a long time as well, which I never understood either. Just run for yourself, and based on time is perfect. After all the time I have done running and training, I still mainly just base it on time (unless I am in a specific short-term training plan with a target). This is mainly because I am trying to do so much every day that shaping my mindset to allocating 1-2 hrs blocks makes it easier to prioritise running. It took me so long to be able to run 20 minutes constantly - I used an interval trainer to keep me 'honest' with the running/walking changing. I can't remember the app I used back in the day when training for my first marathon, but these days I use Intervaly. It sounds like you use your addictions as escapism, which is similar to my problem. I have a natural tendency to be pessimistic or grumpy (I am avoiding using the words depressed, as that's a whole another level) - so I always used addictions to disctract myself from the fact everyone around me seemed so much happier. When gaming its pleasure, which made me happier, and put me on the same level as everyone else, which is why I went so heavy into it. The traits or symptoms are still there with my running I realised in the last few weeks - I am addicted to the dopamine which makes me feel on an equal ground with those around me. If you can realise what the cause of your addiction is, then you can deal with the underlying issue rather than just the symptoms - the gaming. If you try to focus on just the symptoms, then you'll never be truly free of it. I am not sure if I am full of good advice! I would really like to use my experience to other people's advantage, that's all. I am not sure what 'degree of addiction' I was/am - I read about what other people have done to their lives and their families, or what they have not been able to achieve and I can't relate to a lot of it. Some people would describe it as a 'functioning addict' maybe. Maybe that is why I thought I was a little different. But I mega-relate to @Cam Adair 's recent video on Wow where he mentions that while it was a lot of fun and he has achieved a lot - he would give it all up in a second. I'm exactly the same. I would and will choose gaming over absolutely anything else - sleep, eating, drinking, running, family. And everytime I do - I feel guilty as fuck. I use the memories of guilt to keep me from going back to those 'good ole days'. Sorry a bit of a rant! Hope you're doing well buddy. Don't beat yourself up over having to reset the counter so often - you're not going to master anything overnight, this takes practice. I loved using a counter (and I still do - it's on my phone wallpaper) to remind myself of how well I am doing, rather than forcing myself to keep me accountable.
  7. How far have you been jogging in the morning? 0530 is a great time to be up, there is something about knowing you're up and getting after it while everyone else is still pushing up z's. Jocko Willink talks about this all the time. What is your intent about cutting screen time? Screen time can be productive, but you just need to harness it. Rather than cut down on screen time, I find if I am starting to lose my purpose/be distracted/etc I change my environment, like get away from the screen for a few minutes by making some tea or going for a stretch, before returning back to what I was doing (and making sure you close all your browsers when you do this!)
  8. Running. I know that might sound weird, but I have really found running to be a fantastic form of meditation for me. When I sit down and meditate I tend to fall asleep or can't get it to stick into my routine. But when I am running, it's just me and the road. There is something calming about focusing on your breathing, and the rhythm of left foot right foot left foot right foot, that suddenly I find myself in what I call my "happy place". It is sort of like a flow state but where I get crazy clarity on thinking about things. Sometimes I just enjoy the moment of pushing my body's endurance, sometimes I reflect on decisions or interactions I have made, and sometimes I create plans of what I want to do in the future. By having your whole body focused on a single task, with nobody around you, there is no way to get distracted. I can't shy away from whatever issue or feeling I am having - all I can do is embrace it. My mind always feel so sharp afterwards.
  9. Mate, I'm lonely AF most of the time, so more than happy to fire messages back and forth when I am on the forums!
  10. This. When after another gaming session where I was frustrated, I asked myself "I thought hobbies were supposed to make me happy and relaxed, not angry and resentful?" This only got worse when I had kids, and I was choosing playing games over spending time with them. It was a real WTF moment.
  11. I have seen a therapist to deal with anxiety and a lot of confidence issues, but not about gaming problems. I can say I thoroughly recommend therapists. Yes you could probably achieve what they do for you yourself over a longer period of time, but having someone there to unload it all onto was so helpful. A lot of the time when you're talking things out you're pretty much working out the solutions yourself, and by paying someone to sit there and listen to me I found it opened the floodgates, I didn't feel guilty about chewing their ear for hours on end at all. Plus I also knew they weren't going to gossip about it like some of your family and friends might, so there was no holding back. The personal development I got in such a compressed time frame was amazing. I ended up being a bit of a low priority for the therapist I was seeing and then I moved, so I haven't seen one for a long time, so I am contemplating getting another one. As for talking about gaming addiction, I did a lot of work with @Cam Adair - the moons aligned and I happened to be in Vegas the same time he was so caught up for coffee. I found him relatable and really easy to talk to, and he helped frame a lot of my issues, which I then used to set new goals and values with a performance coach through my workplace.
  12. Weekends are going to be the toughest, especially the ones without your son. Don't view those as empty voids that need to be filled, rather see them as opportunities. Opportunities to progress your hobbies, get out and about and meet new people, or just be in the moment. Weekends are going to be your biggest challenge for a while. By using gaming as an escape for those feelings when you see your ex-wife, you're not confronting them and learning how to deal with them. At best, you are allowing them to stagnate or not change, and at worse you are causing them to become more of a problem. You need to be in the moment with them - yes that means that sometimes you are uncomfortable and that sucks, but by learning how it triggers you and how to learn from them you will truly go forward. I used gaming as a way to escape anxiety, and guess what, when I turned the PC off, the anxiety was still there. Gaming didn't cure it - it was just distracting you or covering it. You may as well use that gaming time to focus on the feelings and work out how they can make you better rather than a weakness.
  13. Small towns are tough! You might find yourself frustrated by not having social connections to recharge you or gain your energy from. Don't let this be an excuse to fall into multiplayer games though - you want to be social so you can game, not game to be social - which is a balance that us forum members can't achieve! I got through it by getting heavy into forums and pen pals. I still get really lonely now, I miss my pen pals, but forums are a great outlet - they give back as much as you put in. Maybe try and search one about music? There might be Utah specific ones (go Jazz). @Moe Smith lives in Utah somewhere so he might be able to help you out with some different things you can do. With the advancements of technology the loneliness you might experience is a lot less brutal, you might just have to put a little bit of effort in to find the right community. Of course GQ is a start, but music ones might help too.
  14. Welcome Nix! Both to the forums and to down under 😎 Having gone through that process of letting games effect my grades at university, I understand the frustration and self-hate you are probably feeling right now! The first thing I would recommend is to get back on the study train is change your environment for where and how you are studying. For example, if you have a laptop at home that you study on, maybe switch to a library computer or set the laptop up somewhere other than your house. When I get urges now, I try to put myself in an environment that not only will I not naturally fire up a game (or need to steps to achieve it), but somewhere where I can be held accountable by other people, eg in a library you have the other people there trying to be quiet as well or the librarians saying you can't game there. That at least starts to get your foot in the door, and really, once you have your foot in the door you are off to the races. Unless you have been expelled, you can recover from this. By going from a fail to really good grades within the space of one semester will really show them what you are capable of as well.
  15. Any area that encourages or facilitates "anonymous keyboard warriors" is going to be a cesspool. Social media has given us the impression that we are entitled to an opinion and everyone wants to hear it (and that it is right). Social media has a lot to answer for!
  16. You got this Moegli! I am glad you are not too hard on yourself. If you stick around in San Fran long enough, they might throw a 49ers jersey on you! I heard their QB situation is not very good. My relapses were in the same situations, thinking "sweet, nothing to do for a few days, no guilt here!" but the guilt is always there after hitting the X button. Besides, there is always something to do when you have kids, right? Cleaning, chores, prepping, planning. No time to waste!
  17. Don't cut off everything at the start, eg no net surfing, as you will begin to resent it and because you'll be making so many changes at once, it might be hard to see what ones are actually effective and work the best. Maybe start with not surfing on gaming sites, but still doing some recreational surfing or personal development, then go from there. You'll get better at it the more you practice. What course are you studying?
  18. How did you go? Get your morning exercise sorted? Doing exercise in the morning before work/school does require a lot of discipline and to have your life sorted the night before - both aspects that aren't very common so you won't see many people voluntarily choosing to do exercise in the morning. Start on episode 14 of the GQ podcast, there are some very helpful guys on that one 😉
  19. Change your environment. Go for a walk, get away from your desk, go to a different room, do some dishes, heck even watch tv if all else fails.
  20. Reading. Listening to podcasts, particularly productivity ones so I can sleep on them overnight rather than rushing into them hap-hazardly, I find they stick a lot better that way. Stretching - having a shower then a good solid 30 minutes stretching always makes me feel so limber at the morning, which helps spring you out of bed and eager to get on with the day - especially if your morning routine includes exercise of some description. I tried journalling at night as well but really lacked motivation to do it effectively, so I don't recommend it. Doing the dishes is another good one while listening to a podcast - nothing makes me roll my eyes more than waking up in the morning and seeing a trashed kitchen.
  21. Find a new hobby as #1. Like, a brand new one, not one you already had. That way you need to put a bit of effort into it every day or so to get better at it, and you get the feedback loop of improving over those 90 days. Kind of replacing the digital feedback loop with an actual feedback loop.
  22. I thoroughly recommend episode 14. Some awesome people covering some big hitting topics. I recommend a glass of red wine and a comfy lounge chair to listen to it while the sun sets for maximum effect.
  23. @Moe Smith - I am super pumped to hear you have had a great breakthrough. This will lift a massive weight off your shoulders, and give you more capacity to focus on personal development and your family, leading to more breakthroughs! If your current company merely matches the offer, I'd recommend to still go. If I was in your shoes (US size 9? I could maybe try a 9.5 at a stretch if you're that much bigger than me) then I would only stay if they gave a nice premium over the top of that offer to try and account for how they treated you so far. If they don't, just thank them for their time and move on to the next chapter of your life. Maybe one day when you reach the lofty heights of needing an EA, give me a yell 😉
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