Actually... not. Don't take my example, I'm a deeply flawed one. I'm one of the most veteran folks still around since 2015 and there's not a star on my journal for good reason...!
Now that you say that, what does a normal day in Hitaru's life look like...? I've never wrote it down.
- I wake up. My waking up time varies wildly between 8:00 and 12:00 most days.
- Sometimes I have breakfast, but having only a glass of milk with cocoa powder is a foolproof way of having an upset stomach for the rest of the morning, so I usually get anxious over it and skip it.
- I attend class half-heartedly. My classes are from 9:00 to 11:00 on Mon/Wed and 12:00 to 14:00 on Tue/Thu.
- If it's Mon/Wed and 11:00, I usually waste that time. I talk in WhatsApp or Discord, and many times I PMO. Then I get upset at myself and hunt for P websites to block. In my mind I call those moments "porngroms". Then I get triggered and relapse PMO one or several times. My current list of blocked sites contains 216 links, but since all the big ones are blocked, many mirrors are also down and finding openings is a serious task. So I usually devote time to that since I'm feeling cravings and not in my right mind, then relapse, then execute a porngrom, then repeat, and so on. If it's Tue/Thu, I have to take a bus to go to class and I usually don't. Then I repeat process.
- It's 15:00/16:00 and my mother hasn't arrived home, so it falls upon me to prepare lunch. My relationship with food is awful. In Spain, the common key symptom to recognize anorexia is a delusional or unrealistic perception of one's figure (you see yourself fat in the mirror, when you're actually starving yourself). I know I'm too skinny, though I must confess I get surprised and scared when I see myself in pictures, and my goal is absolutely not to lose weight, so I can't say I have the illness. But I get really anxious about food. About the thought of having to do groceries, cook, eat, digest, excrete. Unbearably, irrationally anxious. So I usually skip it as well and wait for my mother to come. At this point my grandma improvises lunch for herself (she mostly eat fruits alone) or just skips it as well. We both share this condition and while she overcame it through sheer discipline (she was the oldest of 5 girls and was forced to learn to take care of herself and a home), it also normalized this behaviour in our family. Which is most probably the reason I'm not seeking therapy for this.
- Since I haven't eaten in all day, I'm fatigued and upset. I journal, I do some menial efforts, I watch TV, I sleep...
- Between 18:00 and 20:00, my mother arrives (she should arrive at 15:00), sees her 5' 9"/120 lbs. son and her 5' 2"/90-ish lbs. mother starving themselves and sighs.
Between 18:00 and 22:00 I talk to my mother or watch TV with her, do more menial progress or sleep. I may or may not eat what was intended for lunch. Sometimes there's nothing for lunch since I don't buy and my mother is busy. Then I don't eat until dinner.
- Dinner arrives. I might be sleeping and then my family eats without me even though I'm in the same room. I might still think there's nothing to eat or my mother may refuse to cook or at least help me or keep me company while I cook. Then I don't eat.
- 0:00 arrives, and my family goes to sleep. I'm left alone in the living room. My room's bed doesn't have bedsheets placed and it's very hot, so I stay in the living room when I know I should make the bed myself and sleep there, no matter if I have to sleep in undies.
- I watch TV and/or PMO until 2:00 to 4:00, and fall asleep in the couch. Then I wake up tired and not rested at all.
Is this... my life? Jesus Christ what a mess. I know what I have to do, I've been writing about it for two years, but there's just so much fucking anxiety and terror. I've been trying to keep my bad habits in check (I don't mindless browse anymore, I'm cutting porn, I've started to cut TV now...), but the progress is really slow. I try to motivate and reward myself but it's really hard. Read or watchseries/movies? Makes me anxious. Check FB? It's using a bad habit as reward. Eat? I hate eating and buying food (I like several brands of industrial candies, like red licorice, but they are unhealthy and I usually end up binging, losing my appetite and messing up my bowels). Meet friends, write, learn something else or work out? Anxiety, and I treat them as chores, part of what my life should look like.
I guess I'm the living example of "It's not just about quitting games". My attitude has changed, but my life's still crap. I've been in worse places, but my tolerance to crap is quite high due my life history. No one should live like I currently do. Not even me.