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Mettermrck

Bob's Journey

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Thanks, @giblets. Heh I'll probably be an XL when I reach my goal weight. I'm a tall man with a big frame, pounds or not.

Day 45/90. Wow coming up on the halfway point. I can't believe how far I've come. I still have a lot of work to go but I can be proud of my progress. I've stayed off my addictions, I've cultivated a daily gym habit, I've begun a little work on my project, and I've reconnected with friends and family. Just have to keep going....

I tried on all my 2x shirts in my closet yesterday. I now added 6-7 nice collar shirts and a couple polos to my wardrobe. I had these from 2011 when I had had my weight loss surgery (but didn't keep the weight off). This was an....awesome!...feeling. And saves a ton of money haha. Now I just need to get pants as.I go, but I can manage. And I get to get rid of old big shirts that I am NEVER going back to.

I have successfully done my project daily this week. I only do 5 min on weekdays (35 on weekends). Like my walking, I'll steadily expand that each week until I reach a good balanced time commitment (1 hr weekdays, 2-3 on weekends?). I'm proud of myself for doing this. It teases me a little, the 5 min...but it gives my creative juices a heads up.

Gratitude

1. I am back in my 2x wardrobe after 6 yrs!

2. My gym membership is free this pay period because I went at least 10 times in 2 weeks!

3. I am doing a good job saving money after quitting the games and soda/fast food.

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I'm glad to see that you're doing great! Keep it up. :)  And good to hear that you reached 50% of your journey! That's awesome!

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@giblets Yes, I should've been going to this gym years ago. But no regrets...

Day 46/90. Alright halfway there with the detox! Yesterday I bought a 46" waist pair of pants. For me, I haven't owned or worn a pair that size for 18-19 yrs. Talk about turning back the clock! That made me feel really good.

     These successes make me want to keep pushing forward with my exercise and controlling my eating. I feel like I've gotten a little slack with my snacking and fapping. I don't want to relapse so I need to get back to what was working for me and doubling down.

      I had a nice phone call with an old friend last night and he said I sounded a lot better. And I think I do. I still get nervous about money and feel alone sometimes. But these physical changes have really given me hope. And I think without gaming, I'm processing emotions much better.

      I still work on my project. Can't wait until I graduate to 10 mins for weekdays starting next week. 5 mins is just too short haha...it gets me excited and then I'm done.

   I liked Cam's video on the Archangel summit. "Creativity is a muscle"! Yes! Just like I slowly built up my exercising I'm trying to slowly build up my project and sklls.

Gratitude

1. I bought smaller pants!

2. I live in a comfortable condo

3. I have friends who don't mind me bombarding them with texts about how my day is going

Edited by Mettermrck

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No matter how affluent you get everyone still worries about money, and rightly so. If you worry about something it means you care about something, and we should care about what we are doing with our time! We exchange our time for money, so you don't want to waste that time on excess things or things that don't matter to you.

I now ask myself when I buy things - "Is this worth me working an hour for?"

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I've been sneaking into your journal, just wanted to say that i'm glad you are not only working on improving the gaming aspect but also the soda/food, building those habits sure it's going to keep paying off.

Stay strong and focused, gratz on the halfway Detox :)

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Day 47/90. 298.2 lbs! Can I please do an awkward happy dance? Preferably to one of Cam's DJ tracks?! Haha...it feels good. I figured I'd break this 300 barrier this week but didn't want to get my hopes up in case I didn't. I crushed it though! Another place I haven't been for 6 yrs and another dark place I am never going back to.

      It makes the dietary changes worth it....the less calories, the fruit, etc. And of course the gym workouts. Sort of like The Sljght Edge says...for almost two months I've planted seeds and cultivated. Now I am just starting to see a harvest. Gradual at first but this coming year is going to be awesome!

     It's a shame I had to fall to such a low place in my life in order to start pulling things together. But I just can't look backwards. I just have to focus on making the rest of my life awesome.

Gratitude

1. 298.2 lbs!

2. Air conditioning

3. I have friends I can share my joy with

Edited by Mettermrck

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@giblets That pic makes.my.day haha!

Day 48/90. I feel like over the past few days, despite my success, I've let off the gas just a littlr bit. I've drank some sparkling waters which are these carbonated flavor waters that remind me of sprite. A couple times I've gone through a drive thru and gotten a little food and a water. I've practically resigned.myself to fapping and feel like I'm drifting towards that porn edge.

      I feel like I'm testing my boundaries. How much can I get away with while still maintaining forward progress, weight loss? And that is a very dangerous game. I'm glad I'm reading The Slight Edge now. The little compromises don't hurt you in the moment. But they add up and will lead you.downward. As Cam says, I have to double down on what's working. I need.to avoid these sparkling waters. They feel like a gateway dtug.for me. And I have to make more of an effort to restrict fapping. I may not always win, but I have to at least try every day. And if I get hungry, just eat a little more at home. I don't need to go out.

     So a new week, and a new effort.

Gratitude

1. Trying on my smaller clothes today and I feel great

2. Meeting with my counselor today

3. The weather won't be so humid today

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It's all about Intent bro!

What is your intent for drinking the sparkling water? Is it to remind yourself of what soda was like or to hydrate yourself with something more interesting that water? The reason I ask is I have used sparkling water myself to great advantage in giving up soda. I was never really a big soda drinker as I can't handle the amount of sugar in them, but I found that the reason I would think about them every now and again is because I wanted something more interesting than water to drink when I was either at a drive through or a restaurant or even just lounging around at home and it wasn't beer o'clock yet. So I tried sparkling water instead when I had those urges, the fizziness of it made it feel like you were rewarding yourself (or cheating) but the intent was still the same - to drink water and avoid soda. I found I increased my daily water intake by about double with this method.

As for food, I remember reading/hearing somewhere that it is always a good idea to eat before you go to the supermarket so you don't buy everything, so before you go out anywhere try that concept. Eat a snack or something light that will tie you over until you get home. Not only will it mean that you will eat healthier as a result, but you will save some money too.

Edited by giblets

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@giblets, I think it's to give me something more exciting to drink than water. But when I drank it, the fizzing sound and carbonated taste are so close to a sprite...I guess it makes me nervous about leading me back to old habits. I drink the Walmart brand Clear American sparkling flavored waters. I initially just drank Crystal Light iced tea as my alternative to regular water.

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Day 49/90. Had a good meeting with my counselor yesterday. He said every time he sees me I look smaller hehe. That's always a compliment!

We talked about how I'm doing, my long term plans, etc. We agreed that I don't think I could have made these changes while still being in my marriage. I think I did need to separate from that drama and environment in order to finally get myself on track.

He wants me to write an essay about how I finally did start to turn myself around. I think the trigger was when I finally accepted that the divorce was happening, I came to realize that only I could turn my life around. Nobody was coming to save me. There was no more safety net, financially, socially, etc. Only I could do it. And I am doing it.

Gratitude

1. A great counselor and friend

2. I've discovered a love in my heart for the gym and working out that I didn't know I had

3. Got to wear my smaller shirts and was complimented

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Day 49/90. Had a good meeting with my counselor yesterday. He said every time he sees me I look smaller hehe. That's always a compliment!

We talked about how I'm doing, my long term plans, etc. We agreed that I don't think I could have made these changes while still being in my marriage. I think I did need to separate from that drama and environment in order to finally get myself on track.

He wants me to write an essay about how I finally did start to turn myself around. I think the trigger was when I finally accepted that the divorce was happening, I came to realize that only I could turn my life around. Nobody was coming to save me. There was no more safety net, financially, socially, etc. Only I could do it. And I am doing it.

Gratitude

1. A great counselor and friend

2. I've discovered a love in my heart for the gym and working out that I didn't know I had

3. Got to wear my smaller shirts and was complimented

Love this!

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Day 50/90. So I relapsed on the soda and porn. I saw it coming, probably from reading The Slight Edge. I was slipping into habits that brought me closer and closer to the worse habits. I'd eat something out with water...or have a carbonated sparkling water that tasted like sprite...or saw risque pictures online and started playing with fire.

     But....I'm not beating myself up. I think I'm going to be much more intentional about this stuff. I can't let up on this journey. I can't try to see how much I can get away with. I have to stick to what's working and double down.

       I don't want to mess up my exercise and less eating. I like wearing smaller clothes and being complimented hehe.

     I think I'm lucky with gaming in that, as a PC gamer, there's more setup time to install one vs mobile games. So I don't have that impulsive temptation to slip back on.

    So, no tears for myself. Just buckle up and keep on the journey.

Gratitude

1. I was honest that I relapsed rather than rationalized

2. I went to the gym!

3. Someone told me if I got any smaller, there'd be nothing left of me.

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I think I'm lucky with gaming in that, as a PC gamer, there's more setup time to install one vs mobile games. So I don't have that impulsive temptation to slip back on.

You are. I'm lucky to be a single player ex-gamer since I didn't lose any friends and I have the physical barrier of needing to re-buy the games if I want to start again ("properly" with achievements, achievements were the real drug once I tasted them).

I think I'm going to be much more intentional

Do or do not, there is no try.

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