giblets

No I don't, but I am sure that if I did then I would be either able to keep it that low or get even lower. It's one aspect that I never got right and really wish I did, but I just see it as being a whole lot of work and not being able to enjoy the finer things in life.

Less than 10% body fat! Wow thats a big task. I think the lowest I got down to was 8.5% and that was some heavy training. If you have the time for it, good luck! And remember - don't skip leg day.

Looking good mate! That was an intense video

I had this initially because I felt "that I couldn't have fun anymore" and "what was the point if I couldn't enjoy life". It's a case of finding new things to enjoy or have fun with. I know that's a bit of an ambiguous statement or a bit of a cop-out, but that's the solution. Now I see spending time with my family my "reward" or simply enjoying the back deck with a coffee and the sun without having any nagging thoughts in the back of my mind of what I need to do or what I have been avoiding. Like anything, this will take practice mate. You're in a bit of a lull, and the detox will have several, but you'll feel amazing once you emerge on the other side.

This. I was about to post the same thing. Understand the difference between nostalgia and the desire to play games. I really enjoy my nostalgia now, and it's a great conduit with old friends I thought I had to cut myself off from. We could have great conversations like "remember that time when we did X" or "beat boss Y" and have a few laughs. But afterwards recognise that's not what you do anymore and you're onto bigger and greater things. You will be surprised how understanding your friends will really be.

I tried Pokemon Go when I was trying to get big into running as a substitution for gaming. I found that while it was fun initially, it kept "taking me out of the moment" and I felt that I wasn't focused on the exercise, and it would distort my performance as I would stop to spin or adjust my route to one that went past gyms. I even got one of those goTCHA armbands that would spin for you so I could stay "focused", but ultimately found that didn't make it feel better. So i just moved on from it. To answer your question about mental health, because video games are escapism, yes people use them to deal with mental health. But, if will not make it better; at best you will "remain the same" with it all, as you are not focusing on the issues and how to deal/overcome them.

You've got this buddy!

I always feel like my brain is in a vice if I sleep too much. Have you tried monitoring the length/quality of your sleep? I used to use a really good app on Android for years but I can't remember it now, but fitbit and garmin also have ways to track your sleep. It will recommend how long you should be sleeping and what times to go to bed and wake up to get the most out of it. I can also schedule to wake you up in a high point of your sleep so you're less groggy. Try also drinking 500ml of water as soon as you wake up - you will be dehydrated and your brain is running on empty. The majority of society confuse this with caffeine withdrawals and drink coffee - which is a diuretic and makes the situation worse.

That's addiction mate, you love it, thats why you keep doing it, despite the damage or impact to everything else. I gave Pokemon Go there for a while, shortly after my first detox to 'help' me with motivation to get out and run. But I found it constantly took me out of the moment and I wasn't enjoying the run for what it was, so quit soon thereafter.

Practice. You need to train your brain to be still and focus on reading, which is going to take time because it is not the same level of stimulus. A little bit every day and you'll get there. Don't get frustrated that you're not perfect or can't stay focused for eight hours at a time, but rather appreciate that you're improving slightly every day. You can focus for 5 minutes now, try again later for 6 minutes, then the next day for 7 minutes. You've proven you can focus on something for a very long time (youtube etc), so now you just need to redirect that.

Day 58 Look at me go, two journal entries in a row. I've spent a lot of time thinking since my last journal entry, and in the last 24 hours as I try to avoid this assignment. I think I have been spending the last 3 years addressing symptoms, but not the underlying issue. I have done *some* work on the underlying issue, but I mainly have been trying to keep myself distracted or removed from succumbing to the symptoms, that is gaming and procrastination. The real focus of my work should be on avoidance (anxiety). Why do I feel so anxious when tasks come my way and look every which way to avoid it? All i have done is swap the mindless escapism with "escapism with purpose" by trying to be productive in the wrong areas or keep myself moving. Where did all of this start? There are two thoughts here. The first is where my anxiety first started appearing in the first place, which was around 2014. I was in a very stressful job and I was not looking after myself, and I think I burnt out from it. I thought I was or had recovered or rebounded from being burnt out, but I don't think I am. I think this anxiety is now going to keep following me around and digging itself into everything I do and disguising itself in my life until I work out how to combat it. The second thought was when I last was doing therapy for my anxiety, where we dug up some deep stuff when I was a kid that I had not thought about in years. The environment I grew up in displayed some traces or at least some seeds of where the anxiety could have started or could have sewed doubt in my mind. I worked a little bit on those, but I haven't touched it for a while. Looks like it's time to head back to therapy. Based on my thoughts the last couple of days I would say this is going to be a regular thing I am going to have to do for the rest of my life or at least the near future. I will look at booking appointments in the next month. No entry for day 29, so time to jump in the wayback machine to the original journal - Hmm, I can't seem to work out how to copy quotes in the new forum format. Maybe there is a trick that I am not aware of.

Sometimes sitting and doing nothing and just thinking nothing can be the most productive of all.

All the best, Comrade Commissar!

Day 57 Another bit of a stint away from my journal. This time I really struggled to think of anything to write at all. Life has been quite uneventful. Maybe a formal structure would encourage the words to flow in those situations, but I did not enjoy forcing myself to follow a formal structure in my old journal. After a while I abandoned it completely and just went free flowing like I do now (though I do have reflections). I have a few days left and a bit of work to do on my last assignment for the year, so I will be hunkering down and getting as much as I can done on that for the short term so I will be quiet again. I am looking forward to being on the other side of it, so I can increase my running. Though, having said that, I have no done as much as I should or achieved as much as I should over the last few weeks by cutting down my running anyway. It has not been a productive few weeks, so while the detox continues it has not been super successful. I am also strong on avoidance lately as well, so while I have removed my avenue to 'escape', my brain still looks to do it, so I have only been treating the symptoms and not the underlying problem, whether that be a lack of discipline or some other issue. I was much more elated with this milestone! I think there hasn't been much change since the 28 day mark, though part of that could be because I haven't forced myself to reflect as much as I was back then, so I am not paying enough attention to it. Distances have been steady over the last week, averaging around 15-25km per run, six days a week. I have not done a marathon yet, but that is all about to change next week, with two planned in short succession if the legs can hold up. This will be marathons 31 & 32. I like the idea of doing 42, so then it will be 42 x 42km. I wonder how proportion of the population has done that many. I remember seeing an old runner a few years ago in the Sydney marathon doing his 100th. I thought to myself, less than 0.01% of the population has done that. Unlikely I will join him at this pace, but you never know. I think there is too many other things I want to achieve now that it will take me some time to get to 42.

We thank you for your service mate! You've got this. There will be good days and bad days, but the end result is the same: rebuilding a meaninful life.