Bob's Journey

[giblets]

What is Miracle Morning?

[Mettermrck]

What is Miracle Morning?

A book Cam recommended. It talks about the value of getting up early and starting your day with some key steps to set the tone for your day - exercise, meditation, affirmations, etc. Some of it I'd been starting to do already, but some of it was helpful and I'm trying to incorporate it into my routine. It's worth a look and dovetails nicely with Th Slight Edge.

 

Edited August 2, 2017 by Mettermrck

[Mettermrck]

Day 58/90. I'm feeling better. Rather than start over at the beginning of a new day like I always do (I'll start tomorrow), I reset my routine and habits when I got home from work. So I have momentum and renewed confidence about staying away from the soda/fast food and pmo.

      This is silly, I know, but I'm starting to pose a little in the mirror, noticing muscles come into prominence that I've either not seen for decades, or never seen at all really. I don't want to be vain, but it just feels so good to like looking at yourself in the mirror. It validates the sacrifices I've been making, gives me an emotional boost to keep going, and is like a small preview of coming attractions hehe.

       Though I won't make the final call until 90 days, I'm leaning towards keeping my detox going for a full year. Yes, I still miss gaming, but I can't deny that when I quit (along with my other addictions), my life is really starting to turn around. I don't want to lose that. I'll see where I'm at in a year and possibly perm-quit (delete steam acct, etc.).

Gratitude

1. I talked to a complete stranger in the locker room at the gym and he was nice.

2. I still have my bodily health

3. I have a supportive mother to talk to every day

[giblets]

When you're posing in the mirror, make sure this is playing in the background

 

[Hitaru]

If you look for Game Quitters in Google, you and @giblets appear immediately in the results. Just saying. 

Almost two months Bob! 

[Tom2]

      This is silly, I know, but I'm starting to pose a little in the mirror, noticing muscles come into prominence that I've either not seen for decades, or never seen at all really. I don't want to be vain, but it just feels so good to like looking at yourself in the mirror. It validates the sacrifices I've been making, gives me an emotional boost to keep going, and is like a small preview of coming attractions hehe.

It's not silly. It's functional!  Keep it up!

[Mettermrck]

@giblets Haha I should play that at the gym. More energy!

Thanks, @Hitaru and @Tom2, your support means a lot to me!

Day 59/90. I'm still on track with gaming and going to the gym. Today is payday so I plan to buy a couple pairs of smaller pants. That's a good feeling. I'm still battling relapses with soda and porn which are causing frustration. I am winning this battle however. I will not sink back the waves. I will continue to rise!

Btw, @Cam Adair that intervention video was hilarious. I loved every wink of it! ?

Gratitude

1. A good job with benefits

2. Friends who think of me.

3. My glorious gym, a life saver. 

Edited August 4, 2017 by Mettermrck

[Vlad]

Great job staying on track!

[Cam Adair]

Haha glad you liked it! 

[Vlad]

      This is silly, I know, but I'm starting to pose a little in the mirror, noticing muscles come into prominence that I've either not seen for decades, or never seen at all really. I don't want to be vain, but it just feels so good to like looking at yourself in the mirror. It validates the sacrifices I've been making, gives me an emotional boost to keep going, and is like a small preview of coming attractions hehe.

It's not silly at all! Who said you should not be happy with the way you are and the way you're making yourself be? Don't doubt God, he created us beautiful, it's only natural that you agree with God, right? It's not hurbis, it's well-deserved pride and obvious motivation. Keep at it and soon you'll become even better.

[Mettermrck]

Day 60/90. Whee, two thirds of the way through. Who would have ever thought that 60 days was such a long time or that someone could get so much done in that timeframe?

I feel better about the soda and porn. I watched @Cam Adair's video with Nicholas Bayerle and it was really encouraging. The way he slowly turned his health around one step at a time reminds me of my own path. And he said he had relapsed for 20 days himself. And that made me feel much better and ready to get down on it.

I'm ready for a new moment. I've been adapting stuff from Miracle Morning and The Slight Edge. So I have my life goals and vision and today I started reading my affirmations to get to these goals. Just have to keep moving.

Today is my mother's 70th birthday and I plan to take her out for a nice meal. Hopefully that'll make her feel loved

Gratitude

1. My mom

2. This community, full of good ideas and encouragement

3. Friends who I can ask stupid questions

[giblets]

3. Friends who I can ask stupid questions

The only stupid question in life is "who does this name tag belong to?"

[Vlad]

Congrats on 2/3s of the Detox! Thank you for being an inspiration.

Happy birthday to your mom!

[Mettermrck]

Day 61/90. Wow 293.0 lbs today, a 3 lb weight loss. That was actually a bit scary as I'm trying not to lose weight too fast. No more than 2 lbs/wk is ideal for me. But things happen and I'm not complaining that much haha. So I was 318 on May 28th and I started this process right on June 1st. So that's 25 lbs so far!

       I'm thinking that I don't want to go back to games while I'm losing weight. Nothing must be allowed to sabotage this all important process. And since I figure it'll take me 1-2 yrs to do this, that's a good post-detox milestone right there.

       I was talking to my counselor and friends about eating more fruit and the dangers of added sugar vs natural sugar. My counselor says eat more fruit and I'm in his camp. I need the energy boost in the afternoon and after workouts. One friend keeps dropping gloomy hints about limiting and eventually cutting out all sugar. I just held up my banana and cried: "From my cold dead hands!" Sigh...sugar nazi. ?

       I had a great birthday dinner with my Mom. She was surprised at how many of her senior center friends showed up and that they gave her gifts too. It was sweet and I think she felt less isolated and more loved. I was real happy about that.

Gratitude

1. My Mom has nice friends

2. Weight is still falling off

3. I am grateful that I have more hope for my life now.

Edited August 6, 2017 by Mettermrck

[Vlad]

Bro, I'm very happy to read your post. You're doing great, I'm so proud of you!

I think fruits are just fine, I can't find any reasons to cut them out. Their sugar is digested in a different way form processed sugar.

It's really heart-warming to learn that your mom's birthday dinner went very well.

[giblets]

@Vlad is right about this one (I think) - the sugars are processed differently in your body, and I think it has something to do with the fibre of the fruit. I probably should do some more research into this. Like apples and bananas are supposed to be slow release energy rather than the sugar rush of refined sugar. Again, need to do some research to confirm or deny (fake news). I don't realise how little sugar I have in my diet until I have something with it in it and I get a huge rush to my head. The different is I don't like it at all, it makes me restless and gives me a bad feeling on my teeth. That's why I gave up soda, not because I didn't like the taste (I would almost kill for a dr pepper at this point), but because I could feel the amount of sugar just sitting in my gut, and I would drink about 3 litres of water after one can of soda to try and dilute that feeling.

Mate if you keep losing weight like that, you will be wearing medium clothes before you know it!

[Mettermrck]

Thanks, @Vlad and @giblets about the sugars. It's comforting knowing that I can relax about fruit sugars. I can feel the difference if I eat fast food vs fruit. I get way too tingly when I eat the former. Fruit is a more relaxed form of energy.

Day 62/90. With these numbers creeping upward, I can actually sense the end zone, at least for this task. Cam's mentioned many times in videos that the 90 day detox is just the beginning. So I have to make sure I have more milestones to shoot for. Weight loss is a good one and gives me a measurable goal to commit to for the next year or two. I need that foundation of health before I can take those next steps in life.

I finished Miracle Morning yesterday. It had a lot of useful information and I adapted a couple things (morning affirmations tuned to my goals, etc) but I'm actually taking a break from personal development books for a time. Not spiritual or psychological ones, but self help (Miracle Morning, Slight Edge, etc.). They're great in small doses. But sometimes they come across as over-commercialized and aggressive. Get started now! Go go go! Use my patented Eight Step Plan for Life Growth with Capital Letters(tm)! ?

It gets to be too much data after a while and I need to process and absorb what I've adapted so far. I think Slight Edge was the better book. Miracle Morning was a good concept but bogged down in capital letters and advertising. No worries, though. I took what I wanted and moved on.

I'm thinking about trying to do beginner yoga in the mornings. Miracle Morning mentioned it. But I just read a football (American) column and Aaron Rodgers, the Packers QB, mentioned that he does it and that flexibility made him feel 10 years younger. I might check Youtube videos and start real slow and steady with it.

Gratitude

1. Went to church pot luck at Mom's church. I think she appreciates it and it's good for me to get out.

2. Good friends that let me ask questions any time of the day.

3. I will never stop being grateful for the gym. It is changing my life.

Edited August 7, 2017 by Mettermrck

[Mettermrck]

Day 63/90. I'm hanging in there. I went to the gym, met with my counselor, and everything feels like it's on track. Soda and porn are still a struggle but I haven't given up fighting.

      A friend of mine posted a Skyrim reference on Facebook and suddenly I was consumed by both nostalgia (loved the game, never finished it) and fear of missing out (I was afraid that in the future, he would post gaming references that I wouldn't get and I would be left out). 

     I'm surprised that these feelings are stronger lately. I think it's because the end of the 90 days is in sight and I'm starting to get tempted again. I'll have to be on my guard. Gaming masked my isolation and anxiety. I can't do that to myself again. The progress I've made is too important.

      I did talk with my friend about those feelings and he was real cool about it. He said we'd have plenty of things to geek out about. We talked about the latest Game of Thrones episode for example. It's going to be ok.

Gratitude

1. A cool friend to geek out with

2. A sweet Mom

3. An understanding counselor

Edited August 8, 2017 by Mettermrck

[giblets]

You might be feeling a bit fragile too with looking down the barrel of splitting with your wife. Just be aware of your weaknesses or soft points for the moment and be ready for them! Maybe you are trying to give too many things up at the same time so your body is still adjusting? Just think, if you keep going down this path then you are going to start being nostalgic about life! You haven't finished the game of life yet, and the graphics are way better 

[Vlad]

     I'm surprised that these feelings are stronger lately. I think it's because the end of the 90 days is in sight and I'm starting to get tempted again. I'll have to be on my guard. Gaming masked my isolation and anxiety. I can't do that to myself again. The progress I've made is too important.

Bro, I think I totally understand your feelings on this one. These thoughts about self sabotage are super common. You've come a long way, and now you've come to point where you can feel the changes. The new you is not in some future, the new you is happening right now. You may be surprised by the new fit you're not used to. You have to push through if you want the better life, in some time this new state will become the norm, otherwise it will be like the usual stories of multiple rookie pro athletes. They suddenly get paid huge amounts of money, they don't feel that the new situation fits them and they self sabotage and mess everything up in various creative ways. Human mind is a blunt survival mechanism that clings to habits and known evils, just keep going and soon the new and better you will be the habit. Keep it up, bro!

[Mettermrck]

Thanks, @giblets and @Vlad! Your posts were just the pep talk I needed. Yes, I think there's some underlying nervousness about the divorce. I think I've accepted it, have progressed well, and have good short and long term goals. I think like Vlad says, truly letting go of the past, addictions and marriage, can be scary. But I know it is worth it. I must be willing to let who I was pass away in a sense, and truly become the new person I am becoming.

Day 64/90. I've made peace with not returning to gaming at 90 days. I will stay away from them for as long as I am losing this weight. It might be forever, but I can't guarantee that right now. But when the 90 days is up, I'm following giblets to the year goal. I cannot look back.

I had someone at work this morning tell me I have a great radio voice. This isn't an isolated incident. I've gotten this feedback many times over the years. This is just one more confirmation that I need to go for it on the podcast.

I haven't talked about my project much lately but I'm still researching. I have a lot of good podcaster contacts for technical help, I hqve drawn up a path of goals and steps to take to get ready, I am aware of the equipment requrements, and the financial costs. I am going to do this podcast within 12 months, whatever happens with my job and school. This is something deep inside me (my passion for history) that I want to express.

Gratitude

1. I am able bodied.

2. The gym!

3. I am grateful for my increased confidence and self-awareness.

[Vlad]

Great job, bro! Go on with the podcast, it always awesome to listen to something interesting told in a pleasant voice.

Are you aiming for perfection on your first try? Do you remember Cam's first videos with a wide lense?)) They were good even with a funny camera. There are always ways to improve and perfect something, but never the time to do so. Get the ball rolling, I'm sure you'll do great.

[Hitaru]

@Mettermrck Post vocaroo or never happened 

Exciting, I imagine you a (thinner, someday? ^^) version of Indy Neidell.

[Please bring justice to the Spanish Empire someday. I'd honestly love that. So tiring to hear that "muh inquisition" meme again and again. We helped you with that independence business. And sold you stuff. Be a pal, americans.]

[Mettermrck]

Day 65/90. I'm learning that my podcast project is diametrically opposed to gaming. One will not exist without the other. If I game, I won't do my podcast. It would swallow the time. If I do my podcast, I'll leave less room for gaming temptation. So that makes my decision easy.

@Vlad no perfection on my first try. Every history podcaster I've listened to has slowly improved over time and grows with confidence. I've seen this in the past when I've done writing and even Cam in his videos. My only delay is historical research. This is the type of podcast that I need some background organization done before I start. My planned pace is probably 2 weeks between episodes, so I won't have a huge amount of time for reading. I did draw up a 12 month timeline last night for meeting research, technical, and production goals. Perhaps this is a slow pace, but I think I'm being thorough.

@Hitaru Actually, re: the Spanish Empire. My podcast topic (at least the initial series) is the American Revolution. The Spanish come off quite well, particularly Bernardo de Gálvez and his campaigns against the British in present-day Florida, Mississippi, and Alabama in 1779-1781. It's a forgotten chapter I hope to correct.

Gratitude

1. Friends I can goof around with late at night

2. My passions - for history, exercise

3. Gym of course!

[Hitaru]

Bernardo de Gálvez and his campaigns against the British in present-day Florida, Mississippi, and Alabama in 1779-1781.

Obligatory mention! He was born in a village of Málaga and they celebrate historical recreations of the Battle of Pensacola every year. Spanish heroism usually comes in the form of personal initiative against an obstructive bureaucracy, rather than a combined effort of a group of people. Hence the lack of propaganda of their exploits and their fall into oblivion. And political infight. Lots and lots of disgusting political infight. Deplorable.