d.manuk's journal

[Brad_Hurst]

I find a good trick to get into a better mood, and I'm pretty sure it's scientifically proven...

Is to simply smile. Force yourself to smile and it tricks your brain into feeling happier!

It definetly works for me!

Also, you are a beautiful person, your friend knows that and they do not care what you look like! Go enjoy the company of your friend!

[Hitaru]

Also you hide part of your skin when smiling (???) 

[giblets]

On 12/26/2017 at 5:52 AM, Shine Magical said:

 

I need to find a way to be less stressed at work, and also I am going to start tricking myself into being in a good mood by only listening to calming and happy music. I like to listen to metal music but it always puts me in a bad mood. Music can affect how you feel a lot which then might affect your hormones. I think I had a stressful week last week.

 

This. I do this all the time, and have become well known to only listen to "spa music". I combine it with a cup of tea (either green or relax tea) and it is surprising how quickly I can go from being so wound up about something insignificant to nice and relaxed ready to take on the next challenge.

I recommend YellowBrickCinema.

[d.manuk]

I ended up canceling plans with my friend (but at least I told her why).

Edited December 29, 2017 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

When I looked in the mirror today, I cried a little.

 

 

I still have hope that things will get better soon.

[ChewyChickenBones]

Hi @Shine Magical. I like your avatar.

I've only read your most recent posts, feel better.

[d.manuk]

On 2/21/2017 at 10:20 PM, Shine Magical said:

Early 2017:

Early 2018:

I spent a lot of money towards the end of last year, but I made some great investment choices so my money has been growing anyway. I had a 39% return last year!

I'm going to try to save $25,000 this year.

[d.manuk]

At the moment, I am healing my face as well as my finances.

 

I have only been listening to happy music.

 

I did some light yoga yesterday. I have a more positive attitude than I did last week.

 

[d.manuk]

My word of the year was commitment and I already broke it! I’m so soft on myself. 

[Mhyrion]

Hey, sounds like you're in a tough place lately. Just remember to take it one day at a time!

Also, thank you for remembering me to finish my yearly financial overview If I may ask, what are you saving for?

[d.manuk]

10 hours ago, Mhyrion said:

Hey, sounds like you're in a tough place lately. Just remember to take it one day at a time!

Also, thank you for remembering me to finish my yearly financial overview If I may ask, what are you saving for?

In the US you need to save throughout your life for a good retirement.

[Mhyrion]

13 hours ago, Shine Magical said:

In the US you need to save throughout your life for a good retirement.

Ah, right. The US never ceases to amaze me. Very smart to be saving already then!

[d.manuk]

Hmmm

What have I done since a week ago?

 

Fucking nothing!!

Still haven't been able to commit to doing things.

Edited January 10, 2018 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

I feel like relapsing today, on everything.

I always get depressed when my bf is gone for longer periods of time and it’s been 2 weeks.

 

It doesn’t help that I really need to do my laundry.

Edited January 10, 2018 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

I did not relapse but I am not doing my fucking laundry!!

Drinking tea, going to do a hard 1 hour yoga video, and order in dinner.

[Piotr]

Hey @Shine Magical, I fully understand that acne situation, because I went through the same. Although it stigmatize a man, DON'T let it influence your psyche.
I wish that at those hardest moments of my acne, someone would told me those two things:
1. Isotretinoinum - best(and only in my case) cure for acne
2. Acne DOESN'T makes me any less valuable man.

Once on the street I've seen a boy with the same acne as me. And he had a girlfriend. I remember this was devastating for me, because I couldn't belive I could find a girl which will love me with my face(especially in this young age, when you seek acceptance). Now I know that every failure which I justified - "It's because of acne" - was a bullshit.
Acne may only make bad first impression, but it doesn't determine who you are, how you react on certain situation in life, how you handle all the every day tasks.

The best cure for acne is remembering that you are awesome! And you are beautiful

Greetings, Piotr.

PS. I'm interested in finances, could you tell me a little more about investments you made?

[d.manuk]

@Piotr I went to school for finance for 7 years and my job is to help people invest and retire. I would say I am a sophisticated high risk tolerance investor so what I did is something I would never advise another person to do, and I would never do it for my clients either. But I seem to have good luck in timing investment trends like oil, block chain, and medical marijuana. And these investments are always small percentages of my portfolio.

Not as an early adopter, but ahead of when the mass stampedes come and getting out at decent peaks.

I like to think I have some skill in gauging how the general populace is feeling about events and when excitement about a certain topic is growing.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

My acne seems to be hormonal, so I’ve been taking a few steps to keep my hormone levels calm and it seems to be recovering. I have a lot of purple scars on my forehead now from it, they should fade over time but it seems like it may take at least a month to look normalish.

 

I met with a personal trainer yesterday. My first session is on Sunday and we are going to meet once a week. After I got attacked in the park about a year ago, I wrote in my journal that I was going to take a Muay Thai class but I never did. I’m not in the best shape for such a hard class, and I’m not sure I want to commit to doing it. So I’m going to a CrossFit gym instead which is only a block from my house for personal training to help prepare me for the group class, because when I went late last year it was too hard for me. I will still have yoga be my main focus — I did some last night. My eventual goal is to be able to do a handstand so I’m working on building a decent foundation first.

 

I'm doing ok, still hanging onto that view of being optimistic about the future.

[d.manuk]

I got a second acid peel today. My skin has been recovering the past few weeks, I am optimistic and have been more outgoing at work, because I am looking better.

 

I will be doing chores at home this weekend. Work has been a little stressful but I am trying to remain calm.

 

[d.manuk]

Yesterday was a day of decompression. You know how you can fill your computer up and then run a program that optimizes the data? That is how I felt yesterday. Did a lot of grunge work of going through stuff.

 

Today I started the day with a cold shower. I think I will try doing those daily. Then I had vegan Indian food leftovers and watched an anime show. I did some yoga from my mind, not from a guided class. It seems like today will be a day of intermittent yoga, tea, and reading.

[d.manuk]

Still trying to harness my adddictive personality for good instead of shifting from vice to vice.

I wish exercise were something I could get addicted to.

 

Edited February 6, 2018 by Shine Magical

[d.manuk]

I’m going to try to get addicted to exercising, it seems like every other activity that produces spikes in dopamine are not good for you in excess.

Edited February 7, 2018 by Shine Magical

[Kad]

I too always hoped I could craft an addiction to exercising!  Sadly, I was never successful and was forced to just learn to conquer the emotions and thoughts that I turned to addictions to feel better with & hide in.  Take small steps of things you feel would be easy to achieve to start.   Be gentle with yourself.  I don't know if you have the same vicious and destructive inner voice I have...but work to turn it off.  If you would not say those things to a friend/stranger..you can't say them to yourself!  Don't forget what Cam says to pause and feel each thing you choose for a life you want...when yoga is done, each day/each minute you are free from gaming controlling your life.

[d.manuk]

 

I was was starting to get confident again and then I got a pimple yesterday. I cancelled one of my bigger social plans for the weekend and now I’m trying my best to move on and recover.

[d.manuk]

My boyfriend of 4 years told me that he wants to break up with me. We've been living together for 3.5 years.

The reasons why he wants to break up with me seem small and like they could normally be worked on. I feel like he's given up on me which is a little shocking.

 

I am shocked to be so rejected by someone I loved. At this point in our relationship, I never imagined a future without him. I thought we could solve most things and be a very strong team. Things hadn't been great over the past few months but I thought it was because of my own internal issues that were causing me to be hesitant, and I had plans to make things better. I was always thinking about how to make our lives better. But I was focusing on the wrong things, and I was also not brave enough to focus on the things that were really important to our relationship. I see that now, and I also know that my boyfriend is guilty of this as well. I've been feeling more and more that he's been getting out of my reach for quite some time. Part of this stems from our age difference, he is 7 years older than me. I always feel like I am trying to catch up to him and because of this I was also happy to know that he had picked me. For him to turn around and say I no longer want you is devastating. I'm able to tell by what his concerns were that he is ready to try something else, I have been stifling him too much with my conservative and traditional personality.

 

Through the worse parts of tonight I've been thinking about killing myself. I won't do it, but the imagined scenarios are stronger than I've ever experienced in my life. I feel truly alone now. I no longer have my better half to rely on. I feel homeless and rejected. I feel like discarded trash. I was just told that I wasn't worthy. I just want to rest and be happy. I'm also scared to be on my own and I'm not sure that I can do it. Although I'm an introvert I really need someone else to be close to, I've been learning more and more over the past year how important social interactions are to me. My boyfriend knows me better than anyone on this planet, including my parents. I'm not close to my parents, so I don't even have a support system to fall back on. I've been abandoned by just about everyone I've ever been close to, I don't think this is normal. There is something wrong with me, and it's something ugly. I am alone in this and I am scared and not sure I am up to handling this emotionally/mentally/financially. I wish "metmerck" (spelling?) the user who was going through a divorce were here so that I could speak with him. I wish I knew how he was doing now.

 

How could our lives end like this? It seems amazing that my boyfriend would no longer want me in his life, how egotistical of me to think this but it's true. To have been deceived by being clueless over the past few months that he's been feeling this way is also surprising. I don't know what to say. What a horribly painful and shocking day. Could I have prevented this? Should I try to salvage this? We've talked about the issues he's had and he seems to now not feel so strongly about breaking up, but I feel like there could only be a very low probability of coming back from something like this. But really, how could we ever come back from this... it really seems to be over... I don't understand... I don't want to move on... I loved my life with him and to see it and the potential greater happiness we could have had come to and end is absolutely crushing.

Edited February 9, 2018 by Shine Magical