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Brad_Hurst last won the day on December 9 2017

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  1. @thehondasc00py - Thanks man. Yeah when I left I realised how I could have gone about it differently. But we always do this to ourselves, we find hundreds of different ways we could of gone about it, for better results AFTER we needed it. But in the moment, those thoughts did not cross my mind. All we can do is learn from the experience, and next time I can push my luck until I literally get kicked the fuck out lol. I think the main thing for me is actually going out more, I've gotten pretty close the majority of the times I go out. It will only be a matter of time before it happens, I just need to increase my chances by giving myself more chances. I get what you mean about dancing to distract, that may be the case... However, I must admit that my goal for the past couple of times I've gone out is to simply have fun, and enjoy being present with it. I didn't place any pressure on myself to "pull" any girls, the interactions simply happened through me having fun. My problem before was I'd set an expectation to pull a girl and when it didn't happen, I regarded the night as a failure and it made me feel bad. I will try to be conscious of making dancing my "Safe zone", to be honest though that is where my game is a lot stronger compared to other areas so I want to utilize this strength to get a result. And then I can expand from there...
  2. Goals for 2018 Here are things that I want to work towards this year. With my goals I am going to state what I get to work towards without giving an ultimate end goal... Because I think there is never an end and you should always strive to keep progressing. Obviously there are some goals that have a definite end but I will try to steer clear of these because once you achieve them, it's like there is nothing else beyond that and you can lose direction and feel worthless. What I will aim to do with my goals is set smaller tangible goals that will allow me to know I am on the right track! Some will be concepts and beliefs that I want to work on adopting and others will be progressive goals. My goals for 2018: Build my online income (Earn £50 online) Build my relationships (Gain a new friend, whom I contact regularly) Become better at interacting with girls (Go on a date) Become more intimate with girls (Have sex with a girl) Identifying negative beliefs and working towards developing healthier ones Develop my values, understand them better and sticking to them. Separating my emotions from my actions. (Take action even when "I don't feel like it") Become responsible for everything that happens in my life. (No more excuses) Become more productive. (Recognize when i'm doing something to avoid what really needs to be done.) Become more consistent with my actions. (Constantly taking action, finishing things that I've started, not giving up.) Grow my shopify store. (Get it live) Detach myself from the outcome of events. (Focus on the process, the present, the intention behind the process.) Set intentions for my actions Reduce my level of ego. (Stop having beliefs like I am better than this person because of (Insert thing), ego causes me to fear failure more) Become more organised. (Use a calendar more often, be proactive, not reactive) Develop my general knowledge (Read a non self-help book) Develop my wit (Watch more comedians) Be more of a giver. (Doing things without expecting anything in return) Improve my memory. Eat a cleaner dieter (Reduce chocolate consumption, processed foods, sugars. Just general crap) Reduce social anxiety in group settings (Not coming away feeling like I have failed in someway because a certain thing didn't happen in that interaction.)(Being more present and enjoying the interactions). Learn to play the guitar. (Buy a guitar) Learn to speak Spanish. (Duo-lingo) Travel to a different country (Bali) Go surfing Get a Macbook These are my goals for now. Some of them are simply a reminder to myself. Others do have tangible goals. I plan to get this pinned on my wall too as this will be easier for me to see everyday as I very rarely go over my old journal posts. When I have achieved a goal or taken action towards them, I will post on my journal and update. - Brad.
  3. G'day mates, I'm back from Australia now. Being on holiday has really healed me - in a weird and wonderful way. My problems are not gone, they are still there. But, stepping back and just enjoying life without worrying about these problems has helped reset my mind. I feel like I was getting burnt-out beforehand, worrying about all of the things that were not going right in my life. What I was not achieving, really feeling the emotions behind my wants and letting them affect me in a negative way. I have gained more perspective now, my mind has calmed and my awareness of my emotions and how they are affecting me has gone through the roof! Awareness is the key here, becoming aware of my thoughts and beliefs and how they are influencing my actions is so crucial. This is where the meditation I have been practicing really helps! I tell you what really did it for me, the holiday relaxed my mind and stopped me from worry about everything so much. But I read a book, and this book really helped put things into perspective, it hit me fucking hard and I feel like my brain has gone into 2.0 mode or some shit. The book I read is called "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" - By Mark Manson The book is so blunt and just tells you straight up with no bullshit what the fuck is really keeping you down. Reading this gives you such a different perspective to all other self-help books and it has also helped nailed in the concepts that @Cam Adair has spoken to me about in our coaching sessions. So what i've really been concentrating on recently is noticing when my negative beliefs are arising, acknowledging them and then telling my thinking (Emotional) mind that, that belief is bullshit. It is simply a belief that you have crafted upon yourself, and that belief is not helping you. What is the point in holding a belief if it is not helping you? Adopt positive beliefs that enhance your life. It is obviously not so simple to just change your beliefs, but through consistent repetition and action in the positive direction, these beliefs will slowly change within your sub-conscious mind. I have also subscribed to his website and have been reading a bunch of his blogs too. I really do think he has some great content. Please do yourself a favor and check out his book, and check out his website. I'll just give a quick update on what I've been up to since I got back and then i'm going to create a separate post where I list a bunch of my goals for 2018! Travelling back from Australia was longggg as fuck. It took 35 hours! Must admit I was a little jet lagged for a few days. On my last 2 days I finally went surfing again, we surfed at snappers rock. The surf wasn't great but it was a pretty cool spot regardless. I started speaking to some guy whilst sitting out in the ocean and developed a friendly relationship with him. We'd speak occasionally, but obviously both of our main focuses was catching dem waves. Back in England, the day after I got back I decided to hit the gym. Went way too hard, squatting 80kg 5x5 which was my personal best BEFORE I went. My legs were fucked for the next 5 days. I was so damn sore lol. I went to my NUDDA Martial Arts class on Tuesday, I really felt the welcoming respect upon my return - Everyone was happy to see me which is a good feeling. I was paired up with a new guy, and although i've only been training martial arts for about 5-6 months now I already feel like i'm developing a coaching type role within the club. I was helping him out with his technique and trying to identify things that he was doing wrong, the coach seemed pretty happy with me giving him advice too. On Monday I met up with 2 friends at the pub, i'm not a fan of the pub - It's all everyone in England seems to do in the evenings lol. They aren't close friends to be honest, I met them through my best mate. But like, they are the next closest friends I have apart from him lol. They told me they were going out Thursday evening into town and invited me along. I have work Friday mornings, but FUCK IT YO. I wanted to BOOGIE. I've been at work from Tuesday to Friday, it's not been too bad. I'm getting to work on a classified project My work mates played a prank on me though whilst I was gone. First they cling filmed my keyboard and switched all the keys around on my keyboard spelling out "KNOB". They hid the key to my draws in a plant. I honestly thought I lost it at first, thought I put it in my work shoes lol. Finally they hinted towards where it was and I found it, when I opened up my draws I found them to be FILLED TO THE BRIM with shredded paper. Fuckers! I opened one draw and there was a box of celebrations chocolate, I got really excited... Opened the box up and NOTHING but an image of a hand forming the OK sign ontop of a leg which is like, I GOT YOU BITCH. (The Circle game if anyone has played it). Thursday night, I went out and partied. My goal for the night was to just have fun, enjoy it - I had no goals of getting with girls. But guess what bitches. I was having that much fun on the dance floor that I kept attracting girls attention, i'd dance over to them without a fuck in the world and would start dancing with them. I'd take em by the hand and boogie. I ended up making out with 4 different girls that night. Haha wtf... I didn't go off with any of them, I just stayed on the dance floor lol. I must admit, one of em was a fat bitch. Holy shit why did I get with her? Gahh, practise... I think I was definitely having the most fun on that dance floor and that reflected in the results I got. Shit my dance game is getting good. Honestly the thing i've learnt, you just have to let yourself go. Dancing allows you to get close to girls in ways that nothing else can, unless obviously you're making love lol. You have to be confident and make moves like you didn't think anything of it. Like taking a girls hand and proceeding to dance with them, I thought nothing of it. And that display of confidence really attracts the girls. Salsa my dudes... So yeah I felt pretty badass by the end of the night. I probably could have attempted to take a girl home, but I really wasn't bothered this time. I have more fun dancing lol, maybe when it comes to the end of the night I should try to pull a girl and then attempt to leave the club with her. Because in the middle of the night I was literally dancing, make-out, get bored of that girl and then go off and dance again, repeat with the next chick lol. Except for the fat girl, who kept following me around the dance floor so I had to shimmy my way around the dance floor trying to avoid her xD. On Friday, I only got 2 hours of sleep before work - Survived work by drinking strong coffees and then when I got home I decided to sleep for like 3 hours, BUT - When my alarm went off, I got up, turned it off. Thought to myself, mhm this bed is so cosy, stuck my head back down again thinking I had just closed my eyes and was in my head. Opened my eyes again thinking I had just been chilling for like 10 minutes. It was 1AM Saturday morning. I just slept from 2PM to 1AM... SHIT BRUH. I grabbed some breakfast and then worked on my shopify store for a couple of hours. I also watched a RSD video on how your posture affects your vocal projection, this is something I wanna work on, having a more piercing and louder voice. I often find people won't hear me because i'm speaking to quietly. Saturday I went to my Strength and Conditioning class. I received an award from the academy for "Student of the Year" in fitness. So was pretty happy with that, I'd only been with em for half a year aswell lol. The other thing that i've been doing better this week, i've been waking up earlier and working on my shopify store. I really want to get my store up and running now, I was procrastinating alot before my holiday. Currently this, and ebay selling are the ways I feel like I can start earning a decent income online. I'm obviously open to other ideas but I need to nail down on one strategy first otherwise I won't get anything done! So this is going to be my main focus for gaining an online income. So that's been this week. I'm going to write another post listing some of my goals next, and then work on my shopify store. Then i'm off to my Nan's house to have a lovely Sunday roast Chow, Brad.
  4. Brother, if you look through your journal again - Are there any goals that you still want to work towards? What do you dream about at night? There must be a vision of some sort on where you want to go next. Gaining more of a direction will help rid of that nothingness, you will feel good for working towards something. As long, of course - You are taking action towards achieving it! Message me on whatsapp if you wanna talk about anything
  5. Woo, time for an update! And holy crap so many things have happened I think i'm going to struggle to remember it all! But damn it's been epic! So... On my last day in Adelaide I went on the back of my step-grandads motorbike as we rode through the Australia hills. It was so awesome man, experiencing the warm air rushing into your face as the sun beemed down onto the roads was just pure epic. And jeez, it wasn't a quick bike (An old Royal Enfield) but he had a custom silencer on it and it was so damn loud! The vibrations were crazzaayy, my arse went numb after riding for so long haha. Apparently the cool kids don't hold onto anything when on the back of a motorbike, at first I was like damn how do you not fall off the back when they pull off? But I just trusted it and didn't hold on haha. Felt like a badass yo. We had a meal that night with the family (Grandma, Grandad, Uncle, Auntie and Cousin) before heading off in the morning. Ah yea, I left my packing till last minute and was up at like 1AM still finishing off my packing lol. My flight was at 6AM... So I didn't get that much sleep lol. Having spent the past 2 weeks with my Grandma and Grandad, it was finally time to leave. I could sense the sadness in her through-out the day as she had been looking forward to us coming up for years! But our time with her was awesome and she thoroughly enjoyed having us as we did spending time with her. We gave our final hugs, kisses and goodbyes and then proceeded to walk into the tunnel and we probably won't get to see her in person again for at least another year or 2. Off to Sydney we went! We booked ourselves an AirBnb at Bondi Junction. It was about a 20 minute walk from the beach and the public transport systems in Sydney are so good. It is so easy to get from place to place simply by bus, train and ferry. And it is cheap as fuck! Walking from the train station to our AirBnb in the Aussie heat with our suitcases was a killer. It really does not help that the wheel on my suitcase is broken and therefore makes pulling it at least 3x harder! So I arrived in a pool of sweat, great first impressions ay! We met the owners brother who lives there, Jason and he's lived in Sydney for like 20 years so we got some great tips from him and places to visit. The place was also shared by a girl named Emily who we spoke to when she was around and then some other chap arrived a bit later on, but I never actually managed to speak to him. We went to the city on the first night and saw the Sydney Opera house and the Sydney Harbour Bridge. We took a ferry and went along the river looking across at all the lights, it was pretty damn epic. Although we stayed on it wayyyy too long and then realised we had to head back. So an innocent little ferry trip turned into a 2 hour haul lol. You can only appreciate the lights for so long and then you start to get bored lol. We walked down to Bronte beach and then walked along the coastline towards the famous Bondi beach. The beaches along that coastline are so beautiful, the way the bays are formed and the cliff edges all come together just looks epic. I really like the style of the buildings too, they are all up on stilts. Bondi beach was absolutely packed with people. I really love going to the beach but something I have noticed within myself is that i'm CONSTANTLY checking out all the hot chicks and I will always purposely place my beach towel nearby to at least one cute girl so that I have something to look at. I dunno if all guys do this or i'm just a fucking perve lmao. But what gets to me as I have mentioned before, is seeing couples together enjoying their time together. I often get a little jealous because I want to be experiencing the same thing. But I understand that jealousy and comparison is the thief of joy. So i'm really working on just doing me. But hey, later on in the trip I did get to experience what it could be like if I did have a girlfriend and oh man it is fucking awesome. So it is hard not to be envious but I really do need to just work on doing my own thing and let the relationships come with time. And yeah, i'll come to explain what happened later in the trip a bit further on We visited Manly beach and then... If anyone here watches Home and Away. Probably not because you're all doing better things with your lives! We went to Palm beach which is where Home and Away is filmed. I only used to watch this whilst eating dinner with my Mum and Sister. My Nan is obsessed by it, as is my Mum. I mean it is good but there are better things to be doing with my time now. Anyways, that was quite a bit of a trip and i'll be honest... It wasn't anything spectacular, I guess it's cool to just be like... "Oh yeah that's where they film that" and then also just being able to say to everybody... "I've been there!". NEW YEARS EVE Ah this was pretty fucked. We started the day off by visiting the Darling Harbour, had a drink at Hard Rock Cafe Sydney and ended up buying the Sydney T. I mean it's a pretty cool collectable right..? lol. New Years in Sydney is pretty spectacular, they set off fireworks all along the river, from the bridge and opera house and all that. Problem for us was, we wanted to drink and everywhere was a dry zone... Or you had to buy your drinks there, which is damn expensive! So we spoke to our good ol' local friend Jason and he recommended we go to Rose Bay beach and you'll be able to see all of the fireworks from there. Plus you could drink on the beach... APPARENTLY So we bought a 24 pack of Coronas... Perfect drink to chill out on the beach. I had like 2 in the house and then we set off. When we finally arrived at the beach, there was bodyguards protecting it everywhere. And guess what, "this beach is a dry zone mate, no drinks allowed" The time was about 8:30. We had 10 coronas each, and the goal was to get fucked up xD. We walked up and down the stretch trying to see if other areas of the beach would let us in, but we had no hope. SO, we walked down to this quite little park area and sat down by the fence where we could look over to the boats and see the river. We really wanted to get onto this beach though as that was where the party was at! So we aimed to get there for 11pm. Giving us... 2 hours to drink 10 coronas each! Fuck, I don't stomach beers too well, it was a damn struggle haha. It was a fun night though, my Sister and I was just chilling. Turns out because it was a park a bunch of families rocked up and then amongst them all you just have my Sister and I getting pissed up lol. Somehow we managed to get through all of the coronas so we proceeded to head to the beach. When we finally got there we realised that we were surrounded by a bunch of drunk 14-16 year olds. What a fucking sight that was lol. Basically a bunch of kids just making out in the sand and saying stupid shit. Anyways, my sister fell over and somehow managed to land right on top of two kids making out. Funny shit, but hell at this point - I didn't know this girl, she ain't with me! It hit New Years and the fireworks was awesome, and just spending it on the beach was pretty epic. Definitely completely different to any other New Years i've had. The traffic was horrendous getting home, so we decided to walk. It took us over an hour, but it was actually quicker than getting the bus or taxi... It was that bad! We spent the next day at Bondi Beach and the following day visiting the Sydney Olympic park, it was dead as I expected but my sister wanted to see it. We had a swim in the olympic swimming pool which made it worth while. That was pretty much Sydney, there are probably things i've missed but hey ho. Off to the Gold Coast! This for me, is where i've already had quite a lot of cool experiences and probably already is my favourite place on this trip. I still have 4 days left. We booked another AirBnb for the Gold Coast and it is a pretty cool house. 20 minute bus ride to where all the action is at. An hours walk, which... As you'll find later influenced my events! Haha Unfortunately, when we arrived my sister had developed a Cyst on her boob and it was causing her a lot of pain. She had to go into hospital and was kept there for 2 days. So I had 2 days to myself, trying to fend for myself. Food was a struggle, I must admit. I'm still working on my cooking skills, i'm barely past the chicken and rice stage. I did attempt to do this on my second night alone but royally fucked up and ended up eating a quick cook pack of rice. It tasted like dog shit! On my first day alone, I went and checked out the beach and took a 5km stroll along it. I was actually feeling quite low energy, one because I was all alone unexpectantly without a clue of what to do and two because I relapsed again. I felt a bit depressed about my lack of relationships, friends and social competence when it comes to hanging out with people. I took my stroll and read my book. I think I did a similar thing on the second day but visited my sister in hospital in the evening. I reached out to @Cam Adair and he gave me some advice that boosted my motivation. Earlier on I did also speak to an old woman on the coach whilst on the way to the beach, I thought I might as well try and start a conversation and man. She was so happy that I spoke to her. Turns out she is an Astrologer and knows a ton of shit about your star sign and all that stuff, apparently it's all real and I guess I kind of believe it. But i'm uncertain. Anyways she said she'd read my charts for free, I just gotta send her an email. So there you go, that's the power of socialising I guess. You never know who you are speaking to and what value they could potentially add to your life. This was a small thing, but I can only imagine greater things have come from simply speaking to a stranger in public. The next day my sister and I went into Surfers paradise and as we walked through the streets, a party rep came up to us. She was explaining this Bar crawl that was happening tonight and then she started making us deals. Now my sister just had surgery and also is underage but this sounded so cool! I bought tickets for 2 nights. And MAYNNNNNN, BEST MONEY EVER SPENT. I must note that my sister encouraged me to go, she knew that i'd been wanting to go on a night out in Australia for a while. The bar crawl consisted of: Starting off at a bowling alley, drunk bowling! Then moving onto 3 different clubs with a free drink at each club. Soooo... I know I should probably go out more without drinking but... I'm on holiday and everyone is gonna be drinking, so I just wanted to enjoy it! I bought myself some rum and coke and after a bit of a rush. I finally arrived at the bowling alley, all by myself. The event had hired 4 bowling lanes and you could just rock up to any of them and just start bowling. So I walked to one of the bowling alleys and introduced myself to everyone who was sat down and playing. Everyone was super friendly as we all wanted to get to know each other. I must had, everyone was either a couple or with their friends. I was probably the only singleton there lol. A cool touch they added too was you were given a coloured sticker depending on your relationship status. Green for single, Amber for "It's complicated" and Red for taken. It was good fun drinking, bowling and chanting each other on as you threw your ball into the gutter... Or got a strike! This is where my night got epic though, there was a group of lads who joined us at the bowling alley and I immediately introduced myself to who seemed to be the leader of the group. His name was Ben, after chatting to him for a bit I got introduced to the rest of the lads, Nick, Josh and Craig. I spent the rest of the time at the bowling alley with these guys and managed to get involved in all of their fun. They asked who I was with and said that I came by myself and then immediately Ben said that I could tag along with them. SWEET. I stuck with these guys through-out the rest of the night and we had a lot of fun in all of the clubs. Dancing in clubs is my most favourite thing about a night out, I don't think I'd even have to drink and i'd happily step on the dance floor and bust out some moves. On some night outs I will enter this state of flow where I am filled with complete confidence and my fun level is through the roof. I need to figure out what causes me to enter this state, because I get doing some awesome shit. Maybe it's just me being the right level of drunk? I dunno. ANYWAYS, on this night I entered that state of flow and fuck I was on fire! In one of the clubs I was dancing around with everybody and managed to form a dance circle. I could literally pull anybody into it and they'd love it. I even noticed everyone around was getting attracted to it and saw a few girls checking me out. But at this point, girls didn't bother me... I wanted to motherfuckin dance and I was killing it! At least I think I was! It's so true that people are drawn to the positivity and at that moment I was beaming with fun, and I could FEEL the flow of attraction. At the end of the night, I went off with the lads to the beach. It must only be Australia where you go to the beach after a night out! Like this was blowing my mind, we all stripped to our underwear and jumped in the sea. Man it was so fun. After that I told em how far away I lived and that the buses had stopped running. They then said I could crash at their place. Fuck yeahhh. I don't know what it is, but the last 3 times i've been out by myself and really not wanted to go home because it's so far... I've ALWAYS found somewhere to crash lol. 3 times in a row... I must have some hidden persuasion powers lmao. I honestly did not think the next night would top that night. But holy shit, it did. I spent the day catching up on sleep on the beach and then I was ready for round 2 of my bar crawl! Ben and the gang were going again too! Which makes it a lot more fun cause it's nice when you know people! When I first arrived they weren't there, I did start speaking to one of the party reps for quite a while. She actually approached me first and she was pretty damn hot. Maybe it was just her job, but still cool regardless - I was having a normal conversation with a hot chick lol. At some point she excused herself to go to the loo and I think that was the end of our conversations that night. She was from New Zealand and from what she was saying, that place seems pretty damn epic to live in. So I wanna visit there at some point! The lads finally showed up and I played a game of pool with them and then we went off to the clubs. In the first club they played a couples game and it was male strip tease game like Magic Mike... Guess what! The lads pushed me on stage to partner up with some other single girl. Fuck, no going back now! The whole club was watching this game. Oh and just to make it worst, I WAS TO GO FIRST. I've never done a strip tease before, i've not even watched MAGIC MIKE. I actually had to ask wtf was Magic Mike LOL. Well, the countdown begun and I had no choice but to just start dancing around this chick, giving it the old shimmey and trying to look sexy. It honestly felt AWKWARD AS FUCK. Jesus, it was TERRIBLE! Had some guys gone before me, then maybe I would have done better because I knew what I was up against. The next dude took off his fucking shirt and started grinding on the girl, and I just thought to myself. Well shit i've lost this. The next dude was pretty fat, I actually made friends with him earlier on in the night. Guess what, he took his top of too! The crowd went wild hahaha. So yeah, I was knocked out. Ah well... The real fun started when I got to the last club of the night! I entered that state of flow that I talked about before. Nick wanted me to try wingman him and get him to dance with a girl. Because yo, I was killing the dance floor again. Without hesitation I danced over to these 2 girls, took one of their hands and then attempted to guide the other to him. She palmed him off but damn, the girl I got started dancing with me and she was good! Our moves were flowing so well, I honestly think my Salsa lessons helped me here. Even thought it was club dancing, I used principles learnt whilst Salsa dancing to lead the lady. She was loving it, I was loving it and then eventually we kissed! Fucking hell, the lads went crazy - they were loving our dancing and I think quite a lot of people started watching us. We'd dance, we'd kiss, dance again and then kiss again. Fuck it was AWESOME. I eventually took her to the side as we started to get tired, we got some water, as fuck alcohol at this point. Then I started to get to know her a little bit, she was a German but travelling Australia for 6 months. I decided, aight i'm gonna try and get us outta this club to some place quiet. She was actually only in the Gold Coast for 1 day to experience this Bar Crawl and was then heading back to Brisbane. So she travelling and sharing a room with 3 other people and there was only 2 beds. She didn't have a key either so... We couldn't leave the club until we had somehow persuaded the friends into giving over the key and also... Simply splitting up the group! Turns out they were all hungry so we went and grabbed a dominos pizza each. Whilst we were waiting for our order I realised that they were all gonna head back to the room together, so I'd get no chance of privacy then. So I started talking her into coming to the beach with me and going for a swim in the sea with me. She seemed well up for it, I was pleased. I DEMOLISHED my pizza when it arrived but holy fuck they ate so slow, I was chilling but I wasn't talking much, I felt like I was gonna lose the attraction. I was getting so bored just sitting there watching them eat their pizza. I actually got up and walked off for a minute without even saying a word, I wanted some water but I was also sick of waiting around lol. When I returned she said, "I thought you had walked off!". I was like, nah you all eat to slow - I needed water. FINALLY they finished and she was still up for the beach, so we persuaded her roommates to hand over a key so we could go off to the beach for a bit. I'm finally alone with a girl who is into me! Wow how amazing I felt, we both were pretty sober at this point too. We got to the beach and she was pretty scared about leaving her stuff as she didn't want to get it stolen. I had to think QUICK and found a cool spot at the back of the beach, but it was a little distance from the sea so we had to make sure we kept an eye on it. Although it was pretty hidden. Woo, we both stripped down into our underwear and then headed towards the sea. As we get into the water we embraced each other and man it was so epic. Even though every so often a wave would come and crash into us ruining the moment haha. But it was all fun. She started to worry about her stuff so we went back and checked... All good! Now, I got ballsy. I was like, "YO, how cool would it be if we went swimming naked! There is like no one around!". She was down. FUUUUKKKK yeahhh. She was nervous to take off her clothes however, so I took a look around and then just pulled me undies off. BOOM, she took em off. Now holy shit. Let's bare in mind, I AM STILL A VIRGIN BRUH. And here I am, standing butt naked with a naked girl on the beach. WTF - Was this really happening??? We ran into the sea and oh man it was beautiful, swimming naked is so damn thrilling HAHA. Especially when you've got a girl doing it with you. We embraced again and was just enjoying the moment. Things got a little sexual but I never stuck anything anywhere! First of all, I ain't got protection on and damn second. It's fucking hard with all these damn waves crashing into you every other second. But it was a beautiful moment with an amazing girl. Now i'm not going to lie, I did get a thought like... Holy shit, is my first time ever having sex... Going to be on a BEACH? In AUSTRALIA. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. MAYBE it could have, if I just initiated it but where? I don't know, I heard that sand and sex don't mix well. Plus there was still people walking by lol. So anyways, we got back into our clothes and we went to her hotel. I was again playing the, I live wayyy too far to just walk home now. When we got to the room, all of her roommates were asleep but obviously all beds were occupied. She said I could sleep in the bathtub, but I just opted to leave instead. But you know what I thought afterwards. Why the fuck did we not just go into the bathroom and bang there...? I've been kicking myself over that one So yup, that was my encounter with cute German chick. It was fucking awesome and getting to experience being close to a woman like that was just pure bliss and it felt magical. I'm still a virgin, but I don't think I care that much to be honest. I think just being close to a woman like that felt amazing anyways. And plus, i've proved to myself that I can attract women. Although, ha - That is now THREE encounters, where I have PULLED a chick, EVERY time by DANCE Floor. Got very intermit but failed to put D in V lol. Fuck, it will happen eventually! I just gotta keep going out haha! ANYWAYS, I messaged Ben that night and managed to crash at their hotel again. 4 solo nights out in a row, 4 crashes at some random place that is not home. I think I should try keep this streak up lmao. The next day my sister and I spent the day at the beach and THEN, as we were going home. Ben messaged me and said they were hanging out in the pool, drinking and offered me to come along. I told my sister about it and she was cool for me to go. So I went along and hung out with them for the night, was quite fun. We just chilled in the Jacuzzi and then swam in the pool till they closed it down. We actually tried to hide from the guards inside the pool as they closed it down. Was quite funny lol. Especially because Ben pretended to be dead and just floated in the middle of the pool as the guard was checking it out. We got caught and went up to the room. Now something i've noticed with myself when it comes to hanging out with lads. I always tend to get accepted and respected... BUT, when they all start taking the piss out of each other and then obviously fire some at me. I find it very difficult to come up with comebacks, and therefore I tend to always become the brunt of the joke half of the time. And in a joking way, groups take the piss out of me knowing that I'll just laugh along and not have any comebacks. It's all fun and games obviously and I never take it seriously, but this happens with almost any group of lads I integrate myself with. It happened all through-out growing up and is mainly due to the fact that I SUCK at comebacks and witty comments. Anyways this was my last night with these guys, they live in Melbourne and they were heading back the next day. They told me if I ever head to Melbourne in the future, to hit them up and we'll hang out. I've got em on snapchat now too. Yey, I made friends. Now I just need to have guys to hangout with back in England, WHERE I LIVE LOL. Today we went to the waterpark. If anyone has watched The Inbetweeners 2 Movie, this was the waterpark they went to! "Wet N Wild". To be honest it wasn't as big as I expected and probably wasn't the best one i've been to. But the best ride I went on, you get into this enclosed tube and you're standing practically vertical. The floor drops beneath you and you go flying down the slide and do a loop de loop. Now that was pretty damn sick haha! When the count down begins the adrenaline really kicks in and you know that at any moment the floor is going to disappear. MAN I GET SO PUMPED. THIS WAS NOT ENOUGH FOR ME THOUGH BITCHES AND I DID THE MOST THRILLING THING EVER! Basically there was a ride that you had to pay separately for which basically. Lifts you over 50 metres into the air, on your stomach and you're attached to a MASSIVE SWING. When I first saw it, I was swimming in the pool and I heard the crowd ROAR as this guy dropped from an insane height and then into a swinging motion. I instantly wanted to do it! It was fucking crazy! I felt no fear, no nervousness. I just HAD TO DO IT. As I was getting winched up higher and higher, the adrenaline kicks in... You can see the whole water park, you can see to the coast. You reach the top, you hear the winch stop pulling. YOU ARE SO HIGH. You then realise, I'm ABOUT TO DROP FROM THIS HEIGHT, HOLY SHIT FUCK YEAHHHH BABBEYYY. Over a little speaker at the top of the crane, a voice begins to countdown... THIS IS IT, MY BALLS ARE TINGLING. 3.... 2.... 1.... FLY... I rip the cord that releases me and I IMMEDIATELY spread my arms out as far as I can. The crowd lets out an almighty roar, but you take no notice of it! I start plummeting towards the ground head first and i'm letting off a HOWL at the top of my lungs, my arms out the hole time. I'm FLYING BITCHES, WOOOOOOHOOOOOHOOOOOOO. You reach speeds of over 100kph, it honestly feels SO damn amazing. The adrenaline rush that surges through you. The moment is pure, this is living BABY! My sister recorded it. I'm planning on sticking it on my instagram at some point. For the next hour or so after the drop, you feel so alive! If I could find something that could release this feeling daily man, life would be so fucking awesome. It's when you feel like you're so close to death that you feel so alive. It's one of the best feelings in the world, honestly... So yeah, that's it for now. Damn i've been writing for at least 2 or 3 hours. I love it, I didn't need to take any breaks. I ploughed through, one little pee break and that's all I needed. Only 4 days left in Australia now! Damn it's been so awesome. Catch ya'll later, Brad
  6. I swam naked in the sea with a cute german girl! Wooo damnnn. I haven't posted in a while! Oh man I have got sooo much to write about. It's too late now so I will do it tommorow evening. Going to the waterpark early in the morning! Wooop. I really wanna write it all now ahhha, but I gotta sleep! But hey, that was a sneak peak into my mental last 2 weeks Stayed tuned my brothers and sisters - Brad
  7. I find a good trick to get into a better mood, and I'm pretty sure it's scientifically proven... Is to simply smile. Force yourself to smile and it tricks your brain into feeling happier! It definetly works for me! Also, you are a beautiful person, your friend knows that and they do not care what you look like! Go enjoy the company of your friend!
  8. Hey guys, Damn I haven't posted in a while! Australia has been so awesome so far! I have done so many different things. I should have kept posting to keep track but I will try list some of them now. My favourite activity has been surfing. Oh man I fucking love it, I managed to stand up and ride the waves within the first 10 minutes and the instructor said I was a natural. After 1 lesson my sister and I just kept hiring the boards and hit the beach every day until Christmas eve. Even when the surf was rough and hardly anyone was there, we kept going lol. We camped for 3 days by the beach so we could wake up and go surfing straight away. I'm at the point now where I'm trying to paddle out to the bigger waves and catch them. Although on these beginner foam boards it's bloody hard work getting past all the white water. But I'm determined, it's so great! My Grandma and Grandad saved their old car for us so I've been driving that around the Aussie roads. There are some really fun roads to drive on although the speed cameras kill it. Still love driving here though! We turned it into a little surf rig for a while and it's covered in sand now lol. My Grandparents know so much about everything it seems, especially South Australia... So they have been taking us to a load of cool spots. I have plenty of photos on my phone! I fed kangaroos and petted koalas also held a snake aha. Got some cool pictures with them. We borrowed my uncles kayaks and took them to a nice river filled with boats and a gin distillery to the side. Aha, some funny shit next. My sister is into rowing now and is actually in the GB starter programme. So my Grandad got in contact with a mate and got her to have a go in Australia. Although they do a type of rowing called Surf Rowing. Now she was gonna have a go with the under 19s so of course I wanted to go too and take pictures! Turns out when we got there the girls squad was called off but the over 65s squad was going out! Oh but wait it gets better, there are no sliding seats in surf rowing so to glide along the seats they wear "budgie smugglers" and pull their swimmers right up their arse crack so their arse cheeks are exposed. Oh and so it stays nice and slippery they shove a wet sponge up their ass Fuck me what a site! Funny shit though. They really liked her and wanted her to move to Australia and join the under 19 team lol. I was going to have a go but didnt realise i needed these "budgie smugglers" and had my board shorts on. They insisted I "Low Ball" it... Implying go fucking nude! Hellllllll nahhh, not with my Grandma watching at least The coach invited her to a session with the under 19s later on which would be in the sea too. Turns out the girls wernt the model type figures I was hoping for! Ahhh well, better than old men! Had a really nice Christmas day, my cousin, auntie and uncle came over for a barbecue cooked christmas dinner. Basically just sat around the table most of the day talking, I did get a little bored ngl. I do find that my main problem with longer group conversations is simply my lack of general knowledge and also I find it quite difficult to recall events from the past. I don't know if gaming fucked up my memory or some shit, maybe I just wasn't paying attention. Most probably I just didn't do much else than gaming. I guess I am young as well which does mean I have less life experience. They are all factors in my lack of ability to relate and tell stories. Oh well it's nice to listen to stories, I'm trying to interject when I do have some input but half the time nothing springs to mind. And I know this is the case and I'm not just dismissing thoughts that pop into my mind. I'm quite aware when this happens due to my meditation practice. Boxing day we went to my Grandads family for a bit of food. We all found it quite boring tbf, but you gotta do it lol. After we headed to the beach and you can drive your car on this beach. He owns a big 4x4 truck that he takes offroading and out bush so that could handle the sand no problem. My sister and I played catch and played in the sea. Went on the kayaks and simply embrased the beauty of the ocean and its surroundings. We actually stayed on the beach till sunset and that was pretty spectacular. Got some cool photos, I got the cool ones on my instagram Follow at brad.hurst Something that I have felt really deeply on this holiday though is... When I see couples out and about doing things together, having fun on the beach etc... I get really envious. I feel happy for them but I so deeply want to experience the same and I find I keep daydreaming about it. I'm having fun going around with my sister but I do think, wow if I could be having this fun with a girlfriend and also being able to get physical with her. Like I'm not even thinking of sex necessary, just simple things like holding hands or hugging each other. I'm feeling this real want for love. To GIVE love to a partner. It's becoming really clear that this is what I want to experience in my life. I confess, when we got home from the beach. I relapsed, day 85 of my nofap journey. Wahh, only had 5 more days to go. Basically just felt really quite horny lol, I think it's holiday hormones all building up, and not being able to express them due to always being surrounded by family. I didn't watch porn, just viewed an image. Oh well, I'm not going to stress over it. It's not going to completely reset my progress, although I admit I slipped again today! Shiiit the chaser affect. I'm not gonna beat myself up, shit happens. I don't actually crave it anymore, I think I do get sexually frustrated though. And I think especially on this holiday because my sister is always by my side. I can't just leave her and go hit on some chicks lol. Today it was suppose to be a 40 degree day which basically means stay the fuck indoors. We was planning to go on a motorbike ride into the hills. Instead I went shopping with my sister, aunt and grandma. We only really went in surf shops though. They are so fucking awesome! All the stuff in those shops is just me, I love it! Bought some "thongs", i call em flip flops. Some board shorts, cool T and some bracelets. Also my Grandad lent me one of his sun hats and it suited me so well, I felt like a fucking boss wearing it. I was walking around joking around with my sister with a big smile on my face half the time and damn, I ain't gonna lie I'm pretty damn sure alot of girls were checking me out. I got alot of eye contact with girls. I'm trying to work on eye contact when looking around, usually when I catch the gaze of someone I look away pretty quickly. I'm fine in conversation though, I can hold it quite confidently. When looking around though, I think there is a fine line between seeming confident and just seeming creepy. What I'm trying to work on is when I lock eyes with a random girl, maintain the gaze rather than look away and then smile to let them know I'm friendly lol. I would like to approach, today I was with my family so it would have been wrong to ditch them to talk to a random stranger as we walk through the mall lol. HOWEVER. When in one of the surf shops, I noticed a real cute member of staff standing in the kids section, looking kinda bored as no one was their. Actually, we went in the shop earlier that day and I approached her to ask if they had a bigger size of the thongs I had chosen. They didn't and shortly after we left. We came back later that day as I wanted to buy the top I saw before. She was still there, the kids section was right next to the changing room. As I walked over to wait for a room to be free, I believe she noticed me (I can't remember if we both smiled at each other). As soon as I arrived at the queue she walked and stood right next to me and started to neaten up the clothes. Now... Did she intentionally move closer to me??? Psshh I dunno, that's what I assumed lol. I thought to myself, alright you HAVE to talk to her. First thing that popped into my mind, "Ah, you stuck on the kids section?". I think she was suprised I spoke and I think I may have had to repeat what I said. Can't remember lol. We spoke for a minute or 2 and the chat was quite lively and she seemed to be reciprocating well. A changing room opened up at the same time a customer came over and asked her a question. So we naturally just kind of broke away. Checked out my T, and it fit fucking awsome. I came out and she was standing there again and a massive smile came on her face and asked how it fit. I replied and said it was great. I think I ended up walking off after saying a few comments about the top. Fuck I should have stuck around a little longer and had another conversation. And yeah I don't know if she was responding so well just because she was staff but still. Yo I opened up and talked to a smokin hot chick lol. Day = Won I spent the rest of the trip at the mall feeling like a complete boss. I was lent up on a counter talking to my Grandma at one point and these girls walked past and then turned to look at me, one of them held a strong sexy gaze at me. Fuck me dude, this hat is some magical shit. What did you do to it Grandad! My family kept commenting through out the day at how much it suited me and then later on when he picked us up. He said I could keep it. Fuck yeaahhhhh Anyways, that is my update. I just spent over the last hour writing it on my phone lol. There are many things that have happened that I haven't put into this entry. But fuck it would take me all day to write every detail. From now on I'll try to get a post in more often. I leave Adelaide on Friday so only have 1 more day with my grandparents. Gonna go surfing tommorow! Haven't been in 4 days due to christmas and all that. Next stop will be Sydney for 5 days! Peace! ✌ Brad
  9. Yo yo. Thought I'd check in since I've woke up super early! I'm in Australia now! I think overall it took about 24 hours to get here maybe a little more! It's been a long old journey but I don't think it was that bad. Firstly I went to bed at 2am after packing my bag last minute. I woke again at 5:30 to then leave the house for 7. My thinking was if I can stay tired, I can then sleep on the first flight and get closer to the Australian timezone (they are 10 hours 30 mins ahead). The car journey to the airport was 3 hours, my Mum dropped us off. She stayed with us whilst we checked in and then left just before we went through customs. We thought she would start crying when we said our goodbyes but suprisingly she held it together. However when she got back home she apparently started crying :(. We boarded the flight at 13:30, first heading off to Dubai for a lay-over. It was a 7 hour flight. We sat on the left side of the plane and I had the middle seat. The stranger to my right was a really nice older women. She was travelling to India to do some research. I didn't ask what (wasn't sure if that's rude or not lol). The planes were pretty teched out, you get a load of the latest movies, the plane has mounted cameras you can switch to, you can call other seats. Was prerty cool, kind of similar to when I went to America on a ski trip. I'm guessing all long haul flights are like this? I tried sleeping, it was pretty broken though as first I couldn't find a damn comfortable position even though I bought a nice memory foam neck pillow. It felt forced. Also getting woken every couple of hours for food and that DAMN baby that wouldn't stop crying! The food was decent though. I also watched the movie Dunkirk. When we landed in Dubai it was quite a quick change over, there wasn't much waiting around. The next plane was even nicer, the screens were bigger and in better quality, plus the touchscreen actually worked well. This flight was around 12 hours 30 minutes. I had the window seat and my sister had to sit next to this grumpy old guy haha. I tried to get a bit more sleep. I had also found out at this point, you can bend the airplane headrests which made sleeping alot more comfortable! We were also supplied eye masks and ear plugs which makes a hella of a difference, plus no baby this time. Still my first attempts at sleep were not great, probably 2-3 hours broken. I decided to watch the latest Planet of the Apes movie, "War of the planet of the apes". What an awesome film! I've always loved those movies. After watching it I fell asleep completly unconsciously, wooo finally! I was having some crazy dreams and then woke up after falling off of a motorbike and realizing that shit did not hurt one bit. Maybe I started to realise I was dreaming, god damnit I could have gone lucid! Holy shit though, I fell asleep with my mouth open and it was the dryest it's ever felt. It felt like I had walked through a firey desert and hadn't had anything to drink for the last 24 hours, it was so damn dry it was scary. After rehydrating my throat, I watched one more film before landing, "The Hitman's bodyguard". Honestly thought this was an epic film, full of action and comedy. Highly recommended watch. Finally landed in Australia, got through security with no hassle at all. Then we thought our suitcases had been left behind! Seriously we had been waiting for at least 20 minutes and still our bags were no where to be seen. Almost everyone else had already collected their bags. Gah, they eventually came through. Once we collected them we made our way to the exit, we turned this corner and there waiting amongst all the other people eagerly awaiting family/friends was our grandma and grandad. Her face lit up with joy and happiness and so did mine. It was suprising, I wasn't expecting them to be around the corner! Haha They drove us to their house whilst talking about the various things around. At this point it was like 10pm in Australia. She showed us around the bungalow, I love how open it all is compared to english homes. Had some food, had a shower (I felt so grimey) and hit the sack. Woke up at 4am. I guess I still need to get used to the timezone. Excited to see what lays ahead! -Brad
  10. Good luck man! Get your head in those books!
  11. @TheNewMe - Thanks dude. I will do!
  12. Yo, real quick post today. 1 day till Australia now! Wooo. I haven't even packed yet! So i'll be getting that all ready tommorow. Also gotta get myself a fresh trim so i'll be looking good all holiday Finally just gotta get my travel money sorted. I've left quite a few things till last minute, I should really get this stuff sorted earlier... Oh well, can't go back now. Maynn i'm super excited now, it's gonna be awesome! Brad.
  13. Gah, I missed a day of journalling! I have a good excuse though! Yesterday was the last day of work before my holiday! Woo woo! It's so close now i'm well excited haha. Last night I went out to a Christmas partayyy. My friend bailed on me, I thought he would... The party was hosted in a student accommodation flat and I literally knew no one other than the host who invited me! I met him through gaming, so to be honest I didn't really know him that well in real life either! I bought myself a bottle of vodka and some coke to drink with it and then I was set. All on my own heading off to this party where I knew no one, and they all knew each other really well. Oh my most dreaded situation... The flats were all in blocks behind these big gates that you need student ID to get past. So when I arrived I was waiting out in the cold for a good 5-10 minutes for someone to come down and let me in. Bare in mind it was like -5° and icy as fuck lol. Finally a bunch of them came to come and get me and smoke at the same time. They were all friendly and I started talking to a few of them. I wanted to try and establish a connection with someone early on so that later on, I can use them as my backup so I didn't look like a complete loner! We eventually went up to the flat and when I walked in there were a load of people just chilling out on sofas, which were all facing the door. You can imagine the faces, when some random dude walks through the door and they're all trying to figure you out. It did feel pretty fucking awkward haha. I immediately took off my jacket, put it to the side and poured myself a drink. I sat down on one of the stools and just started asking questions to the nearby people in my proximity. I wanted to make sure I wasn't seen as the random guy who gets invited to a party and sits there all on his own. I think I was doing pretty well to be honest. I caught quite a few of the girls staring at me a bit. Probably wondering, "Who the fuck is this guy" xD. I guess I was kind of fortunate that there were some other guys there who I used to play with as well. But was never really close to them, I just knew who they were and spoke to them sometimes on teamspeak. This was like 2-3 years ago though! Is it bad that I could only remember their gaming name, not their real name? Fortunately, it was a role play game so they were normal names. So it was nice to have something in common which definitely helped me out alot. When I had a break from talking to one of the guys, I was sat by myself for a little bit. I was just smiling, enjoying the music and embracing the environment. It was quite short lived though as the friend who invited me was asked to introduce me to these 2 girls sitting across the room from me. They were wondering who I was, as obviously everyone else is quite tightly knitted together. But I guess that's a positive right? One of the girls was well fit, dayum... I'll be honest though, my talking time with them was quite short. I remained in the conversation but kind of took a back sit as one of the other gamer guys joined in on the conversation. This guy though will become a God's Gift later on. I'll be honest though, even though I had the boosted confidence from drinking - I didn't really feel like hitting on the girls that much. I don't know if this was my thinking at the time but I soon realized after the party that I am better off getting myself approved by the group first so that I get invited out to more parties in the future. That'll also give me more time to build better connections and meet more people (and girls). I'll be honest, the last half of the night is a bit of a blur. I know that my friend who invited me to the party got pretty fucked up and then ended up banging some fat chick in one of the bedrooms. We then all went off to a nightclub (Except my friend who was destroyed). I think I was just dancing the majority of the time, although I don't remember too well. I do know that near the end of the night I was just walking around the club by myself so fucking tired. I ended up sitting on one of the chairs and started falling asleep lol. It felt like all my energy had been drained. When the club started to close I went outside by myself, no clue where everyone else was and then BOOM. That gamer guy who I made friends with came over and found me. It was just me and him, no idea where anyone was. He called up one of his mates to ask if we could stay in their flat and then boom, next thing I know i'm in some girls flat sleeping on a sofa. Man I wish I had game, because she was fit too I wake up the next day, probably only about 4 hours sleep. Good sleep though, that sofa was comfy as fuck! And guess what, there is different girl just sitting there at the table eating her breakfast. She didn't seem fazed at all, "Like yeah this shit happens all the time". I imagine it does tbh. After that I get in a taxi and go home. These are all the funny stories that I feel like i'm missing out on by not going to uni. It does look like a whole load of fun. But then I have to think and I was gathering this evidence through-out the night. The students are broke as fuck, and they're in debt and half of them don't have a clue what they're doing with their lives. I think this is the side of things I often glaze over so hungry to experience the "Uni life". But there is another side to the coin... Still, I would love to be around a load of people my age, living in the same building and partying all the time and doing all kinds of fun shit. Overall, it was a decent night. I'm proud that I went by myself and was able to socialise a bit and make some friends. Today I obviously felt a little hungover. I went back into town with my Mum and Sister to do some shopping, I also went back to the flats briefly to pick up my jacket that I left there. When I walked in, there they all were again... Slumped on the chairs looking half dead haha. So I spent most of the day with my family. They wanted to pick up some bits for christmas and I wanted to spend the £25 voucher I had. Bought a cool woolly hat and a new pair of sports shorts. When we got home, I had a 40 minute nap which recharged me pretty well to be honest and then I went to my martial arts class even though I was running on very little sleep. I took both my cousins this time too. Got home, meditated and then here I am writing this journal. And holy shit I've been writing for at least 30 minutes now! I NEED TO SLEEP! Good night, love you all. Brad.
  14. Dude, congratulations on taking your first step!
  15. Brah, nice going man. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK I would definitely be careful of gaming in moderation. Looking at the way you slipped this weekend after your media detox, the very same thing could happen with gaming! Is it worth it bro? Mate, well jealous of your wank tho... I'm not giving in! And I fully know what you mean about going through the motions... It does feel dull as fuck. But as long as the motions are taking us in a positive direction then we need to persist.