d.manuk

I’ve had a very quiet month. The friend I’ve been talking to multiple times a week during quarantine had a bad experience irl and hasn’t wanted to really talk for a while so I’ve been leaving her alone so she can deal with her life. I painted the below picture for her. I’ve been pretty low energy.

I finished one of the three paintings I was working on. Overall, I think it looks pretty good on my wall. However, I am still disappointed in the result. I spent a lot of time on it but for some reason I don't think it came together that well. I changed color schemes in the middle of the painting but I don't think that's my main issue with it. I also think the photo looks worse than in real life when you're standing 6 feet away. I think I should have stopped working on it 10 hours earlier, but I am happy that my child is finally born. Unfortunately it also hasn't produced m

Ja mluvim Cesky 😄

Overall I feel very positive. After learning I weighted 180+lb, I've started to feel more confident in myself. The changes I'd been implementing have been showing progress. I changed my username. I don't think I've ever written this in my journal, but I'm actually a guy. 4 or 5 years ago when I created this journal I didn't want to write my gender because it would be obvious I'm gay and I also wanted support in my gamequitters journey. However, lately I just find it really hard to give a fuck about anyone else's opinion. I just want to be me that I want to be (which is

I want to think of a new username, I don't feel like Shine Magical anymore. I've been creating a new workout routine for myself and I'm excited to start it soon. I weighed in a 181lbs at my doctor today, I was 165 at the beginning of this year. I need to buy new clothes for myself. I bought chairs but they'll get delivered in 6 months. I did most of the stuff on my to do list and have added a few new things that make me excited. I have 3 paintings in progress. I still really like my apartment and neighborhood. The weather is getting nicer and nicer.

I've had a very low libido the past few months. I'm not really interested in any men. I have some blood work scheduled, but I think it's more of a mental thing. I have 2 paintings in progress. I was supposed to go to the gym today but I felt like I woke up at 3pm because my whole day was somehow wasted. I'm a little off today!

I just realized that I’m now making $90k/year. This was my immediate salary goal when I started working 7 years ago. I read that people become very happy once they reach $90k and above that there isn’t much of a difference in happiness. I’m pretty happy now with how things are going with my job and life as long as I can keep working from home.

I'm doing spring cleaning on my clothes. I feel the need to post in my journal pretty often these days, I think I just need to feel myself supporting me as I do a lot of work. My self esteem isn't very good, even though I work out more than ever I'm still years away from my goal.

Testing new hobby: incense sticks Retiring old hobby: streaming my art painting process (it's annoying to set up and also to have the camera in the way) Testing hobby to see whether I still want to do it: watercolor painting Decide if I want to continue oil painting or if I should try acrylic painting (faster drying times, I don't think I'm utilizing oil paint properly with blending techniques)

Stop Sending Things to my Job I work from home and when you send things to my office it’s a problem not just for me but for other people. It’s unprofessional and uncomfortable for everyone. 7 years ago I asked you to stop contacting me and every time you send me something I feel violated, annoyed, unhappy and it’s a reminder of why I don’t like you. I usually throw what you send me into the trash without opening. I still don’t want you in my life, I still don’t want to talk to you or know how you’re doing. I still want zero contact from you, I still want th

I was planning to have sex after the gym today, but a guy was pressuring me this morning and I ended up meeting with him instead of eating breakfast. This made me not get enough calories before the gym and I lost steam midway. I regret not putting my workout first ahead of the sex. It was pretty decent though, I'll probably meet him again.

I was sick for the past week and so I allowed myself to play League of Legends (pretty much the only time I play video games now is when I'm sick -- I'm very comfortable with this). I noticed how tired it made me, which was very interesting. Working all day doesn't make me as nearly as tired as playing League of Legends all day. No I'm not addicted, no I didn't find it super interesting. It is a good way to pass the time though when you're not feeling great. I don't really like to watch movies for too long, I need something more engaging. I was feeling physically better yesterday so

I was able to deadlift 2 plates on each side which is a nice new PR for me. I want an even juicier butt! I was also able to fit in comfortably into a shirt I had bought a few months ago but thought I was too skinny/didn't fill it out that well in the chest. I hadn't worn it since I bought it but now I will wear it to the gym, it's of my favorite band. I still have so much I want to progress on, but gym food and work take my priority. I haven't met up with any guys for a few weeks now, I think I will try to do something this weekend.

I put together my new electric standing table. It was pretty difficult! It was supposed to be a 2 person job, but I did it alone. The top alone weighs 120 lbs. I feel a nice sense of accomplishment. I've been gaining weight and spending more money on food as I get stronger at the gym. First few months of data got deleted from an old credit card.

A lot of progress is happening 🥰