d.manuk

There's a really friendly girl in my gym classes that I've been making an effort to befriend because she's a friendly extrovert that was initially very nice to me and spoke to me first. Today she chatted me up again and I made an effort to continue the conversation, I had previously added her on Instagram to signal I wanted to be her friend, and after class she asked if I wanted to hang out for a bit and get tea after class and I said definitely. It turns out she lives very close to the gym (which also means close to me). We have enough overlap in our interests that I think we could be friends if we put in the effort. We walked around the neighborhood and I went up into her apartment and met her roommates and her guinea pig. We exchanged numbers and will probably hang out again in the upcoming weeks. I'm happy that it seems like we might become friends. We have the same big interests: classes at my little gym, plants, arts and crafts. She could be my first real friend here in Boston! I honestly was expecting to have to put in more work and time to find a friend, aka 2023. To have it happen this naturally has definitely lifted my mood a bit. 🙂

I had a meeting with the owner of my gym today to review my 2.5 months of progress in their personal training program. I go the mandatory 3 days a week, and have been doing an optional 4th workout day on my own. I gained 3.3lbs of lean muscle in 75 days, or about ~1.3 lbs of lean muscle per month. My body fat percentage has stayed about the same, hovering in the 16% area. (Results being tracked through inbody tests). I've been gaining weight and am at 5'10 and 180lbs now, but I've been relatively happy with how my body has looked, especially in the past week. I've been feeling more muscular. I thought gaining about 1lb of muscle per month was good progress. However, he said that I should be doing more and recommended adding in an additional optional option workout day and including some cardio on the optional workout days too. I felt really defeated when he said that. I thought I had been doing well, and he said it was good but seemed kind of disappointed by my progress. I think he was expecting something closer to 2lbs lean muscle per month. I also felt a bit overwhelmed by his recommendation because 5 days at the gym seems like a lot, but it just goes to show how much work is required to get a good physique. I'm going to follow his recommendation but I honestly feel a bit sad. I already feel like my life revolves around the gym, but now that feeling is going to increase even more. I hope I don't get burned out.

I don't think I'm going to be ready to socialize and date until Summer 2023 if I'm being honest.

"Too blessed to be stressed" I heard this saying today for this first time and I like it hahaha

I gained 2lb of muscle, gained 5 pounds total, and decreased my bodyfat percentage by 0.5% in 2 months since I started the personal training sessions I want to try harder and see if I can get 3lbs of muscle in the next 2 months

I’m a happy homebody, and a minimalist that prefers simplicity. I’m sensitive and feel really close to my friends because I’m selective with who I connect with. I have a naughty sense of humor. I grew up in NYC for the first 30 years of my life. I like to weightlift, go on nature walks, and make art. I’ll listen to anything with a heavy beat - techno, house, rap, metalcore, k pop... I eat a lot of grilled beef and lamb. Being gay is a very small part of my life & into guys that are the same. I’m sober, but not because I have any issues. I want to own a house in a quieter suburb with a nice private backyard with lots of trees and plants.

Somehow I feel like getting rid of these plants was important, I've wanted to do it for a while but felt like I couldn't, it feel like a pipe was unplugged and I'm being pretty productive now.

I threw out all the plants and cleaned all the containers to prepare to sell them. This is now a plant free home 🥰

Actually 2 other plants were infested. So now I only have one left, and it's one that I grew from a complete baby tiny stem. It's funny because this plant is a complete attention whore and likes to push other plants out of it's way. It's a weed and very hardy. Lol. I guess the queen got what she wanted! #lastonestanding

My largest plant got a spider mite infestation and I threw it out. It's possible that the others are infested and just aren't as far gone yet so I'm going to give them all showers tonight which is annoying because they're all large plants and hard to handle. I have 3 plants left. I think this could have been prevented if I took a bit better care of it, but I don't like taking care of anything other than myself (and maybe a little bit my significant other). I'm kind of tempted to throw out all of my plants lol But I like how they look I think as time has passed, I've been cutting down on my hobbies significantly, lasering my focus onto a few. My body and appearance is my top hobby I'm even getting kind of bored with painting

After about two weeks, I stopped doing nofap because it was causing my stomach to hurt a lot. I feel a lot better now. I think it made me skin look really good though, so I'll continue "nofapping" but probably only do it in 1 or 2 week intervals.

I’m going to try nofap for 2 months and I’m already a bit over a week in. To be honest it’s not hard at all, I’ve been really low on sexual energy for a while now and I’m doing this to try to repair myself. I get erections at night while I sleep but not during the day. I was having a lot of sex and masterbating just because I was bored, not because I was horny. I learned that you can deep condition your eyebrows, armpits, pubes and I tried it and I think it makes me look a little bit better so I’m happy with that. I bought some cologne samples and some new deodorants and I’m going to play around with that a little bit. I had such a good gym week last week, I did 4 really intense days and I’m proud. I have my first laser scar removal appointment on Thursday and I’m happy to start the process.

I have a deep well of anger that I can draw from. It’s a well that is usually covered; I’m usually happy and when something goes wrong I don’t get too mad. However, the tension from getting mad gets stored in my body, it’s not easy to hold back a lion. I do my best to reduce it, but I think it’s too deep to ever go away. My childhood and life experiences haven’t always been the best. The phrase “I hate everyone” is a little extreme and not really how I feel, but isn’t as untrue as I wish it would be. I think I could kill someone without feeling too bad about it. The way I’ve been trying to take water out of the well is through exercise and getting regular massages and to keep myself as happy as possible.

I actually think writing and updating the bio describing myself is helpful because it frames the way I think about myself. It’s clear I have a lot of negative opinions about certain aspects of myself, and I think working through that and writing an accurate description of myself that I like will help me present myself more confidently to others.